


the kindest thing she ever did

by snapecumslut



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Breeding Kink, Bulimia, Child Loss, Daddy Issues, Daddy Kink, Eating Disorders, F/F, F/M, Good Severus Snape, Gryffindor/Slytherin Inter-House Relationships, Healing Magic, Healthy Relationships, Hogwarts Professors, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internal Conflict, Knife Kink, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Character of Color, LGBTQ Female Character, LGBTQ Themes, Lesbian Sex, Love Triangle, Lucius Malfoy & Severus Snape Friendship, M/M, Marriage, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Mommy Issues, Mommy Kink, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Potions Master Severus Snape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Destruction, Self-Discovery, Self-Harm, Severus Snape Has a Heart, Severus Snape Lives, Smut, Unplanned Pregnancy, degradation kink, domestic life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:41:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 36
Words: 202,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29535600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snapecumslut/pseuds/snapecumslut
Summary: in which severus snape's vulnerability towards a former student becomes his fatal flaw regarding his crucial role in the order of the phoenix and the ultimate demise of the dark lord.content warning: this story contains explicit acts of sexuality, vulgar language, mentions of abuse/trauma, depictions of mental illness, non-suicidal self-injury, sexual assault, familial and parental loss, and themes of death.disclaimers: all rights belong to j.k rowling and the harry potter franchise. none of these characters are mine except for genevieve de keyser and several other original characters not canon in the harry potter universe.** i am in the process of rewriting the beginning chapters **originally posted on wattpad under the same username! tranferred here because wattpad is apparently taking down mature content.
Relationships: Lucius Malfoy/Narcissa Black Malfoy, Luna Lovegood/Ginny Weasley, Minerva McGonagall/Poppy Pomfrey, Narcissa Malfoy/Original Character(s), Severus Snape/Original Female Character(s), Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 9





	1. PART ONE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: none

"Severus," Albus Dumbledore acknowledged as Severus Snape entered the room. The potions master paused, weary of all the Hogwarts professors seated around the round table. He was under the impression Dumbledore had simply called him in to talk separately, not be bombarded by the rest of the teaching staff.

"Albus," he stated monotonously. Minerva McGonagall pulled out the chair between Dumbledore and herself, tapping it. Severus raised an eyebrow and took a step back. "Merlin, whatever you have planned I am not interested in hearing."

"We're concerned," McGonagall asserted bluntly. "We want to support you."

"I don't need support, Minerva."

Dumbledore stood from his chair and approached Severus, grabbing his arm. He yanked it back, fighting any and all attempts to lure him to sit. Eventually, after a moment of being stared down by the Headmaster, Severus reluctantly sat down in the empty chair.

"Now," Dumbledore began as he seated himself again. "We're all aware that this class of incoming first years is going to be tough for you, Severus. I know you know who and what we're talking about."

"Yes." Severus leaned back in his chair, his eyes disengaged and fueled with anger.

"We've decided as a group that we're going to be bringing in some extra support for you so that we can deal with the upcoming situation." Severus rolled his eyes and stood again, making his way towards the door. Dumbledore locked it with a wave of his wand.

"Severus, this is serious."

"I don't care how bloody serious it is," he retorted. "I am fine. We all know what's coming and we should be preparing. I don't need to be coddled like a child."

"We're not coddling you," Sybill Trelawney responded. Everyone turned their heads to the Divination professor, surprised that she had spoken so loudly. "Harry Potter is coming, and that means You-Know-Who will be returning. We've already seen how dark your eyes have become since Lily-"

"Don't say her name!" Severus yelled, slamming his palms against the table as he approached the group once again. The entire room jumped as he did so, not expecting that sense of anger from the Potions professor. "You do not get to say her name."

"No," Trelawney responded. "Lily died, Severus. You were and are still hurting. We can see that wound is reopened by Harry Potter starting this fall. You need support, we're trying to offer it to you."

"What she said," McGonagall nodded, and the rest of the professors murmured in agreement.

"Severus," Dumbledore said calmly. "We're going to be bringing in a teaching assistant for your potions classes to help relieve some of your stress."

"I don't need a bloody babysitter," Severus hissed. "Nor do I need any of you telling me my own damn feelings."

"She's not a babysitter," McGonagall added. "She will be assisting all of us in tutoring our students as well as yours, she will just be more prominently on your services."

Severus laughed ironically, running his hands through his hair as he turned away in disbelief. "You really think having someone assisting in my classroom is going to help me? She'd be more of a burden than a help, I assure you."

"Don't be so misogynistic," Pomona Sprout called out.

"I'm not," he responded dryly. "I'm irritated you are all attempting to _fix me_ by bringing someone into my classroom to do whatever it is you call _helping_. I couldn't care less the gender of the person, I care you are forcing me into something that I am clearly not going to be comfortable with."

"You know her already," Filius Flitwick said. "She's a former student, gifted in healing magic with an inclination towards potions and alchemy."

"You are all unbelievable," Severus mumbled.

"Genevieve de Keyser, do you remember her?" Flitwick continued. "She graduated top of her class. She now works as an alchemist, best in the field."

"I don't need another cocky, arrogant Gryffindor in my classroom," the Potions professor grumbled. "I already get enough of those."

"Regardless if you want her or not, you need her. We all know it, Severus, stop being stubborn," McGonagall responded. She leaned back on her chair and rested her hands in her lap. "Genevieve is a bright soul and was an excellent student. She mastered healing magic by her fifth year and alchemy by her sixth year. She was brilliant in your classes. Do you remember?"

"I remember quite well," Severus said irritably. "Albus, you remember too."

After a short pause, Dumbledore cleared his throat and nodded without saying another word. McGonagall raised an eyebrow. "Remember what?" she asked.

"It's not important," Dumbledore asserted. With another sigh, he pressed his palms to the table to stand. "She will be here tomorrow morning, I will introduce her to you, and you will meet us in the Great Hall for the Sorting Ceremony and Start of Year Feast. Am I clear, Severus?"

"Crystal," he hissed bitterly. "Am I free to go?"

"Yes, I suppose." With a flick of Dumbledore's wand the locked door reopened itself and the entire teaching staff watched as Severus stormed out of the room with his cloak barreling behind him.

* * *

"Miss de Keyser," Severus said monotonously as he looked up from the lesson plan he was writing out. He stood from his desk and adjusted his jacket.

"Professor Snape," the young witch responded. The last time Severus had seen this woman was when she was freshly eighteen and walking away with her diploma. There was an essence about Genevieve that had made his feelings towards her quite ambiguous from the start. Her unfaltering arrogance as a Gryffindor was irritating but her soft spot for outcasts had made her quite a unique friend to have. Both sides of her conflicted his judgement and his perception of her through her Hogwarts years. "It's lovely to see you again, sir."

Snape was uncertain how to respond; his thoughts were racing of how to engage with her. His eyes scanned her slowly. Her hair was still the same dark brown, skin pale and mottled with freckles. She was a tad taller with the heels she wore but nevertheless was the same. Except for her lack of a baby face and more age appropriate clothing. It appeared to be Muggle clothing as well, he noted. Pity.

"Yes," was all the Potions professor managed. From behind Genevieve came Dumbledore, who stood between the two as he approached Snape's desk.

"We have a few hours until first years arrive. I'm going to outline the basics of this arrangement for the both of you to hear and then you will talk amongst yourselves for specifics." Genevieve nodded and tucked her hands in her trouser pockets. Severus eyed her carefully, his discomfort and unwillingness to accommodate quite evident.

"Genevieve, you are here to assist Hogwarts as a whole but will be primarily on Professor Snape's services. You are to help him organize lesson plans, sort through course materials, grade papers, and take over teaching some topics every once and a while. Additionally, you will be put on tutoring services for Healing Magic, Potions, Alchemy, Divination, and Transfigurations. Any student regardless of year struggling in those areas will be able to make appointments with you, and I expect your own lesson plans for their assistance." Dumbledore stepped back to allow the two to properly look at each other again.

"To be clear," Dumbledore continued. "Genevieve does not have a teaching post specifically, but she will be treated as such. She will be in all of our meetings and will converse weekly like we do."

"She will not be teaching in my classroom," Severus hissed. "I don't need her to take over any of those duties. I can, however, attempt to... tolerate, the other ones."

"She will be teaching, and that's the end of it. Now, it's up to the two of you to discuss all the basics of your courses and a schedule that will work for the both of you. Severus, don't be so intransigent. Let her help."

Severus sighed and nodded in defeat, and Dumbledore offered a smile. "Good. I will leave you two to talk, and I will see you again later tonight in the Great Hall. It was lovely to see you again, Genevieve, and I look forwards to a fantastic year. I have high hopes for you."

"Thank you, sir," Genevieve smiled and she offered a nod as Dumbledore left Severus's office. Once the door closed, he sat back down at his desk and adjusted his sleeves.

"I do not have any favoritism towards you despite what happened while you were a student," Severus sneered. "I will not accept any ignorance, arrogance, flaunting, or back talk in my classroom. You will do as you're told and only as you're told, are we clear?"

"Yes, sir." Genevieve took the seat in front of his desk and leaned in, her elbows resting on her knees. "I have already annotated my books and reviewed materials from my student years. Tell me what you are planning now and I can adjust what I am reviewing to be more relevant."

"Tomorrow's class will be an introduction of my Potions syllabus and the history of Potion making. I suggest you review those chapters," Severus stated dryly. The two locked eyes and distaste flickered in the professor's.

"And what about the other things? Paper grading, lesson planning, everything Dumbledore mentioned? How do you want to divvy that up?"

"You don't need to worry about those things, Miss de Keyser," Severus asserted. Genevieve furrowed her brows and sat back in her chair, eyes squinted. He used to be so kind to her during her student years, and now all of a sudden he was so defensive. Projecting, perhaps?

"I'm going to worry about it anyways," she shot back. "Dumbledore told me to do these things and I answer to him, ultimately, not to you. So I would appreciate if you stopped back talking _me_ , Professor Snape, and just do what Dumbledore asked of the both of us."

"I don't know who gave you the right to speak to me that way," he said, standing up to tower over his desk. The young witch stared up at him with unmoving eyes. "You're lucky you're not a student anymore, Miss de Keyser."

"Yes, lucky me," she said, standing up to meet his stance. The two eyed each other for a moment, faces inches from each other. She leaned over his desk, palms pressed against the wood as she stood on her toes. When he didn't respond, she rolled her eyes to break contact and turned to grab her coat and bag. As she made her way over towards the door, she tucked hair behind her ear before turning back to face him.

"See you in a few hours, Professor Snape. I suggest you take some Draught of Peace before the Feast tonight as to not work yourself up again."

* * *

"I know every single one of you are excited for this new year," Dumbledore stated as he rested his hands against the podium. The students, first years and others, cheered. Their optimism for a bright, successful school year was evident in their smiles. "Now, I have a few announcements before we begin our Start of Year Feast. First, this year we have a new teaching aide in Professor Snape's potions courses. She will also be available as a tutor for Healing Magic, Potions, Alchemy, Divination, and Transfigurations."

The wizard turned to Genevieve, who was seated besides Professor Trelawney and Professor Flitwick, and gestured towards her. She stood from her chair and waved to the students, carefully eyeing the new Gryffindor students that had arrived. They looked promising. "Miss Genevieve de Keyser is a Hogwarts graduate. The focus of her education was primarily Healing Magic, Potions, and Alchemy, so I suggest anyone interested in either Healing Magic or Alchemy as a career path to discuss it with Miss de Keyser. If you have any questions about her post, her credentials, or anything else, please reach out to me, Professor Snape, or Miss de Keyser herself."

Genevieve sat down in her seat again, her eyes drifting back to Snape who eyed her irritably. It was very entertaining to get arise out of a grown man. It was much too easy; she was a Gryffindor and everyone knows Professor Snape hates Gryffindors. Though, she remembered this man to be more soft towards her and that new lost feeling inside her was quite prominent. She thought her success in his courses would make it easier for him to accept her, but that had not been the case. Now, he was closed off and cold whereas before he would ask her quiet questions and check in. This man was completely black and white.

"First years!" Dumbledore started again, stepping back to sit with the other professors. "I hope your time here at Hogwarts will be the best you can make it. Congratulations on the houses you have each been sorted into, and on behalf the other professors and I, we wish you great luck and success. Now that is out of the way, enjoy the feast!"

With a snap of Dumbledore's fingers, plates upon plates had stacked in front of each house's long table. Each student ate as much as they could. First years socialized with each other, upperclassmen introduced themselves to the first years, questions were asked, and friendships were made. This moment was quite sentimental to Genevieve; she would give anything to be this young and pure again, before any of the other things had happened.

It had not dawned on Genevieve to look at the professors she was now working with; others like Professor McGonagall, who was her mentor during her years, looked absolutely elated that Genevieve had returned. Professors Trelawney and Sprout were more impartial but still attempted light conversation. When Genevieve looked up at Severus again, she watched as he eyed a group of students. She followed his gaze and saw it led to a Gryffindor trio - a small brunette girl, a redheaded boy, and a lanky brunette boy with round glasses. Only as the hours had begun to pass did Genevieve forget she was supposed to be eating, and she began to pick apart the food that had been served to her. After her encounter with Professor Snape, she was in no mood to take part in socialization and had absolutely no appetite.

As the students finished eating and the noise level died down, Dumbledore stood once again and cleared his throat. "Now that you are all officially sorted and have celebrated the new connections and memories ahead, we are going to settle you in your dormitories. Please follow the Head Boy and Head Girl to your house's common room where your assignments will be explained. The professors here will see you tomorrow for your first day of classes. Have a good night everyone, and sleep well!"

Following the Headmaster's speech, the Head Boy and Head Girl guided each house to their respective common rooms. It didn't take long for the bounding first years mingling with the upperclassmen to vacate the room, and once it was empty some professors began leaving, and the only one who remained to talk to Genevieve was Professor McGonagall.

"My goodness, de Keyser," McGonagall sighed, bringing the young witch in for a tight hug. Her eyes lit up upon seeing her former student, pride filling her knowing her teaching had set her up for the immense success she had. "You've grown so much, dear. It's nice to have you back here at Hogwarts."

"It's less and more of an adjustment than originally thought, if that makes sense," Genevieve admitted shyly, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "I know these halls and the courses like the back of my hand, and everyone seems to be the same except for Professor Snape."

McGonagall's smile faded slightly. "Give Severus a break, dear. It's been tough for him these last few weeks and it's made him a lot more bitter. He doesn't mean it, if he's done anything."

"Actually, I'm the one who pissed him off." Genevieve sighed and chewed the inside of her cheek. "He was staring at a group of Gryffindor students, what's going on?"

"Harry Potter is here," she whispered. "And he sorted Gryffindor, just like his parents did."

"He's... here?" The alchemist's eyes widened slightly and she glanced back at Professor Snape who stared over Dumbledore's shoulder at her while the two chatted. "What happened with his parents? How is Professor Snape involved?"

"I've said too much. It's not my story to tell." McGonagall offered a forced smile and pat her mentee's shoulder gently. "I need to be heading off, dear, but you have a good night. We can chat tomorrow over tea, yes? I need to hear about how you've been."

"Of course we can," Genevieve's smile faded slightly and she still was fixated on Severus. "I can talk to you tomorrow after Potions."

McGonagall nodded and stepped back as she turned to make her way back towards the office. A few other professors greeted Genevieve as she grabbed her remaining things to leave, but she wasn't very fond of them. When she looked up again, she realized the only two people in the room were Snape and herself. Her blood ran cold.

"If you have something to say, then you can say it, Professor Snape," Genevieve provoked, walking over to where he was now standing. He grabbed his cloak and books as he stared at her.

"You are ignorant," he growled. "And nosey. Who do you think you are? Incredibly disrespectful, cannot hold her tongue, a stupid girl."

Genevieve's breath caught in her throat as she paused for a moment, uncertain how to proceed with the conversation. It was obvious to Severus that he had struck a nerve, but he didn't know what to say or respond. "Goodnight, Professor Snape. I will see you in the morning to review our lesson plans."

As Genevieve walked away, Snape sighed and turned on his heels to leave in the opposite direction. Whatever was different about Severus was more than enigmatic to his former student.


	2. PART TWO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: none

It was unlike Genevieve to fall out of her routine. Being a creature of habit, adjustments would always be made the moment a new stressor was introduced. Her latest position at Hogwarts was the most pressing change at the time, and she was eager to start the year off right. Perhaps, she thought, that was much too naïve of her. She was the type of woman to rise and rest with the natural sunlight and yet, for some reason, today was not one of those days.

The bustling of the students in the corridor at around 7:30am jolted the young witch awake. Immediately as she glanced towards the clock, her heart thudded rapidly against her chest as she tossed her duvet aside and swung her legs over the side of the bed. Panic surged through her veins as she quickly got herself ready; she was unbelievably nervous and feared Snape's rebuttal, persuaded she would have her ass handed to her should she be late. However, she already was and had therefore accepted defeat.

"He's going to fucking kill me," she mumbled under her breath as she grabbed her wand and books, running towards the wing of the castle where the potions lecture hall was located. As the heavy wooden door opened and closed, Snape turned on his heels sharply towards the sound and the rest of the class collectively gasped.

"Punctuality is not optional," the professor hissed as he adjusted his cloak. Genevieve rushed over towards the front of the room where her own desk had been set up by Dumbledore and she put the books she was carrying down. "Tell me, Miss de Keyser, did you think you'd be exempt from this rule? That you've more authority?"

"No, sir," she said a bit too strongly. Regret was immediately written across her face. Severus raised an eyebrow and turned to face her, his anger evident by his gait. The teaching aide watched the students' faces pale and her heart stopped as she met his eyes.

"Drop the attitude," he growled lowly. Genevieve stared blankly as he once again turned to face the class.

"Now, if you look at your syllabus you will see that this course is primarily practice-oriented. You will not just be reading about potions, you will be brewing them and that will constitute the largest portion of your grade. It's imperative you do the readings and I do not say that lightly. I'll reiterate my earlier statement - only a select few of you are likely to succeed in this class. This is the most... considerable, way to achieve that."

Genevieve sighed under her breath and began jotting down what he was saying. Severus raised an eyebrow at her behavior as he side-eyed her. "After each class, your brew will be about 60% of your module grade and the required write-up will be 40%. You are allowed to work in groups for brewing, but the write-ups will be individualized. Do _not_ tempt me with veritaserum, no matter how prohibited it is to use on a student. Any questions?"

The class remained silent and Snape glanced at the clock, sighing as he turned to face Genevieve. "Miss de Keyser this would be a good time to talk about your office hours and how to make appointments with you."

"Yes," she said as she stood. The pair eyed each other intensely, and the students at the front stations grew visibly uncomfortable. With her hands held behind her back, Genevieve fiddled with a small gold band on her index finger as she spoke. "This week specifically I will be available after every class for about 30 minutes to help you adjust to Professor Snape's classroom. For the remainder of the year, however, I will routinely be available Tuesdays and Thursdays between 12-2pm. If you cannot make it due to schedule conflicts, there is a sign up sheet beside Professor Snape's office door where you can write your name and time slot you'd like to take for any tutoring or questions. Those time slots change each week depending on where else I'm needed."

"Thank you," Snape said as he walked in front of her again. Genevieve stood beside him and glanced up slightly at the angle required to meet his eyes. He furrowed his brow slightly before turning his attention back to the students. "I hope you all wrote that down, because Merlin knows you'll need it."

Genevieve made her way back to her desk where she grabbed her old textbook on the history of potions before she made her way over to the chalkboard. Severus nodded subtly and she took that cue as permission to write down the outline of the chapter. As he lectured, her eyes fixated on the way he walked back and forth with perfect posture and his arms behind his back. Yet, as easy as it was to read his body language, she could not make sense of why there was so much gridlock between the two of them.

The hour passed quickly and Genevieve took meticulous notes on what he was saying, just as she had when she was a student. Though, having taken his courses for seven years before, they were a lot more relaxed. She was much better at pulling out important topics rather than cramming his words onto parchment. As Snape left, Genevieve stayed in the room for an extra 30 minutes as she had promised. A few students had approached her, though none of them seemed to have questions about the materials, but rather her work as an alchemist. She answered them swiftly, wrote little notes down for them, and thanked them for their time as she left.

There was something comforting about molding young minds that made this sort of work desirable to Genevieve. While she loved her alchemy research, the eagerness of these first years made her feel right at home and she was keen on making their typically dreadful work in potions much more valuable and tolerable. She used this thought process as the final push of motivation to go to Severus's office. Reluctance consumed her.

At Hogwarts, the professors' offices were in relative distance of their classrooms, and particularly with Severus, his office was right beside his personal stores of potions ingredients. Genevieve's eyes scanned the familiar corridors, acknowledging the gold lettering on the old wooden door that read _Professor Severus Snape, Potions. Head of Slytherin._ She knocked hesitantly, and entered the room subsequent to stern verbal permission.

"I don't like the way you talk to me," Genevieve said as she shut the door. Severus was writing with a feather pen and immediately put it down into the ink pot. His body tensed and his eyebrow raised. "I am a competent, professional woman. I was brought here to assist you as your equal, not be your punching bag whenever you feel the need to project your own frustrations. You do not get to verbally humiliate me like that in front of our class, nor can you talk about me the way you did last night."

"You're hardly my equal," Severus said sternly. The young witch noted the way he only partially answered her statement, her eyes narrowed in frustration. "You're practically a child."

"My resumé says otherwise." Folding her arms over her chest, Genevieve stood her ground. "I'm still waiting for an apology, Professor. I would never prod about your situation, whatever Merlin knows about it, so I don't appreciate you digging at me."

For a moment, Genevieve thought she had seen his exterior crack. His eyes softened, and that was a familiar sight she had expected to see upon her arrival to Hogwarts. He averted his gaze for a moment, collecting his thoughts, and he cleared his throat. She watched his stoic front resurface, unsure whether she feared or admired his ability to do so.

"Don't do things that warrant it, then," he said lowly.

"That's not an apology." She sat her books down on the coffee table in front of the dark sofa before she approached him at his desk. "However, as unjustified as your behavior is, I do understand it. I'm not going to say much else about the matter but the next time you attempt to pull that bullshit I'm going to give you something to bitch about, Professor. Now, let's work on the lesson plans."

Severus sighed and nodded, standing with her as the two made their way over to the sofa across from his office. He grabbed a bunch of folders in the process, sorting through the various parchments he had been writing on. "Tomorrow, I've planned on going over some of the basic and common ingredients and then introducing some of the most novice potions. If time permits then I'll discuss the reading, but I guarantee you nobody is doing them."

"I know some of the students are going to do the readings, don't assume the worst of them." Genevieve paused to gather her thoughts, writing down what he had just said. Snape didn't really know how to respond to her comment; truthfully speaking, he had never had someone outwardly say they enjoyed potions as Genevieve had expressed during her seventh year. "I'll write the outline down. What classification of ingredients are we going to be starting tomorrow? Chapter 1 or Chapter 2?"

"Herbs, Chapter 1," he affirmed as he sorted through some of the parchment. He removed a page from its binding and slid it across the table to the young woman. She eyed it carefully before adding it to her collection of papers. "However, we're not going into much depth with it because that area is very particular to Pomona's class."

"Do professors typically collaborate on curriculums for topics like these? I know Professor McGonagall aids with Alchemy by introducing topics in Transfigurations."

"Sometimes we do, yes," Severus confirmed. He set the rest of the parchment on the table, each outlining various parts of his schedule. Teaching schedules, course work, administrative duties, and other important documents were laid out in front of her. "But it's rare unless it's an interdisciplinary program like Alchemy. You already know that much as a program graduate."

The pair sat in silence as Genevieve continued jotting notes down and reviewing all the parchments that he showed her. She was particularly drawn to the annotations within the margins and fiddled with the gold band around her index finger as she scanned it, unsure what relation they had towards his schedule. Some were short words, others Latin phrases, but her thoughts were interrupted by the familiar baritone.

"I have some... business that I need to attend to, Genevieve," he said coldly as he glanced up at the clock. "Take all the parchment and do whatever preparations you'd like for class, just make sure you return it to my office tonight. Don't be late to class tomorrow; set a proper alarm."

Just as quickly as he had said that, he had gotten up and grabbed his cloak to leave. Genevieve parted her lips to speak, confused on what was happening, and looked at the time to figure out what was going on. It was barely 9:30am. There was no staff meeting, class would resume in a half hour, and she was left alone in his office. Her nosey side, as Snape had pointed out the previous night, was quite evident in that moment. As she got up from the sofa, she walked towards his desk where she ran her fingers across the wooden desk and glanced at the simplicity of the room. Unlike other professors, such as McGonagall, who had decorated their office with photos of loved ones and knickknacks of their choice, Severus's office was plain with old books, cauldrons, and an array of parchments. He wrote much more than he spoke, she noted.

Timid knocking sounded at the door which caused Genevieve to turn around, hand falling from the wooden surface and back towards her side. From the doorway came a Hufflepuff student, her arms tucked across her chest. "Excuse me, Miss de Keyser," she started softly. "Is Professor Snape around?"

"I, uh- he'll be back soon. Can I help you with something?" She tapped the chair in front of Snape's desk as she sat in the large desk chair. The young girl offered a gentle smile as she took a seat.

"I just had a few questions about the reading," she admitted, pulling out the syllabus from her bag. Genevieve turned her head to view the meticulous notes she had taken, amused by it. There was an element of herself and someone she knew in this Hufflepuff and her chest ached with nostalgia. "For tomorrow, we're reading Chapter 1, but there were these notes at the end of the chapter that I wasn't quite sure were important so I wanted to check with Professor Snape."

"Oh!" Genevieve said as she shuffled through the parchments Severus had left. She glanced over them quickly and cross referenced it with the syllabus at hand, then nodded. "Yes, that's part of it. Do you have any questions about the reading itself? I have some time now but then I have to head over to see Professor McGonagall."

"No, I think I'm okay for now. Thank you!" As the student shuffled her way out of the office, Genevieve's eyes landed once again on the Latin written in the margins of Snape's work. Her Latin was poor, she noted, and would have to actively work to translate it when she got back to her quarters. But for now she needed to meet Professor McGonagall like she had promised the night before.

* * *

"I don't understand why he's being so mean to me," Genevieve sighed as she ran her fingers through her hair. McGonagall poured some hot water into a porcelain cup lined with a teabag as she listened to her former student talk, her brows furrowed. "He was so... sweet? I think? During my seventh year. That sounds like such an odd way to describe Severus Snape but he truthfully was such a sweet man to me before I left here. I don't know what I did between then and now for him to be so vindictive."

"It's complicated, but again, I can't really say because it's not my story to tell," she said with a sigh. The transfiguration professor sat back down on the sofa and tucked her feet beneath her as she sipped her tea. "How was your summer? How has your research been? I'm much more interested in that than the old ways of Severus, my dear."

"I- uh, my summer was okay. I spent a lot of time with my mom and aunt in The Netherlands, but I also spent a lot of time in the laboratory. Recently it's been Healing Magic, sometimes Alchemy. Some of my research was recognized by the Ministry of Magic so that was a little bit of an ego boost." The young witch took a long sip of her tea and tapped her nails against the porcelain.

"That's exciting!" McGonagall exclaimed as she nudged her mentee's knee with her hand. "The Ministry is.. something. How is your mother? The last time we talked-"

"She's managing," Genevieve cut her off. McGonagall blinked for a moment, unsure of how to proceed, and watched in confusion as Genevieve ducked her head and began fiddling with the ring on her finger. She paused for a moment to gather her thoughts. "It's exhausting, actually. I've gotten so good at healing magic but I can't use it on her."

Silence lingered between the pair and Genevieve's mentor rested her hand along her forearm. McGonagall pressed her lips together, tilting her mentee's chin up with her index finger. "Loving Muggles is hard, my dear. I know how hard this is. Look at me."

Genevieve glanced up at McGonagall with tears welling in her eyes. Truthfully speaking, she didn't handle uncertainty too well. The stress about her mother, and now whatever was going on with Severus, made her first day at Hogwarts unbelievably difficult. "You are stronger than you think, my dear," McGonagall reassured. "Your mother will pull through. Severus will come around. You are such a bright light, and that's part of the reason why you're here. The rest of the staff and I firmly believe you will benefit Hogwarts immensely. Not just for Severus's sake, but for the students and for ours. Don't underestimate yourself. You can't fix everyone as much as you would like to."

The young witch closed her eyes, her tears sliding down her cheeks as she leaned into McGonagall's touch. She knew she was right; she always was right, especially during her student years. She nodded and wiped her tears away, but McGonagall leaned in to give her a tight hug, letting her rest her head on her shoulder. "You're going to be okay, my dear. I promise."


	3. PART THREE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: none

The one thing that Severus admired most about the rest of the teaching staff was their universal compliance to keeping what he had experienced ten years prior in Godric's Hollow a secret from his new teaching aide. He preferred she remain oblivious, but her intelligence was unparalleled and he feared he was underestimating her. When they had originally met, he was going through one of the most painful times of his life and truthfully speaking her return to Hogwarts had prompted memories of those times. Every time he looked at her, listened to her speak, he was consumed with anger and yet he could not name a single reason why. When she wasn't being a cocky Gryffindor, she was extremely sweet. Perhaps it was fear, but of what?

As Genevieve sat on the sofa in Snape's office, carefully reviewing the book for the introductory potions course, Snape's gaze rested on her as he properly processed her arrival. She paused every so often to jot notes down, sighing as she inevitably smeared the ink with the side of her hand. As she focused, she absentmindedly tucked her feet beneath her. Severus could not look away; in moments like these, she truly embodied Lily.

"Feet off," Severus said sternly as he acknowledged her behavior. Her dark brows furrowed before she understood what he was talking about, and exhaled gruffly as she let her feet fall to the floor. The professor raised a brow at her, but nevertheless began marking the potions write-ups he was supposed to be grading. "What are you huffing about now?"

Genevieve glanced over at him from her book before folding the page and putting it down. She shook her head. "I'm frustrated."

"With?" Snape put his pen down, sighing irritably as he reviewed all of the incorrect marks he had written down on the write-up. Perhaps that was something Genevieve could help with, he noted.

"With you. Your lesson plans are far too long. You're not going to hold any student's attention with this extensive length," she admitted. She scooped all the materials she was sorting through and brought them over to his desk where she laid them out. "Look at the first year's grades from the beginning of the year when we were doing the common groups of ingredients. When I helped you section them off, from herbs to animal parts, liquids, and ultimately spices, it was a lot easier for you. Fewer responses were marked incorrect. They were learning."

"If the students cannot handle the curriculum, that is their own fault," Severus said sharply. He pushed her parchments away. "This curriculum is not about being easy. It's about working hard and earning it. You don't get handed things in life."

"You're right," Genevieve acknowledged. "But this won't help them. You need to break it up so it's manageable, Professor. Their upper level potions courses will be harder for them if they can't master the basics and it will stress you out as well."

The professor paused for a moment and pursed his lips as he reluctantly started to take a look at her notes. He had to admit, as frustrating as it was, she was incredibly organized and the way she had outlined the topics made sense to him. "If you're so eager to revise my lesson plan for this week, then do it. You might as well teach it, too. I hope you remember how to brew Sleeping Draught."

The young witch smiled as she snatched her parchments away, making her way back to the sofa with a little hop in her step. Severus side-eyed her, his irritation quite evident, but he made no further effort to engage with her infuriating sense of pride. He hated being wrong more than anything.

"While you're at it," Snape said as he got up. He sorted through a different pile of write-ups that he had been marking down and slapped a stack of them on the table. "Grade these. I don't care how long it takes. The upperclassmen are essentially failing their Elixir to Induce Euphoria module, so figure out what they're doing wrong and make time to help them. I expect a lesson plan on my desk tomorrow for any additional tutoring sessions you will be holding as well. Merlin knows these children need it."

"Professor," Genevieve said as she flipped through the pile of coursework. Her eyebrows furrowed as she glanced through the parchments, her heart skipping a beat. "I haven't reviewed these materials yet. I thought I was primarily focusing on the first years for now?"

"You're an _alchemist_ ," Snape retorted with a bit of attitude. Genevieve straightened out her shoulders and swirled a gold band around her finger as she nervously chewed her lip. She knew where this was going. "The best in the field, according to Flitwick, so I suggest you review the potions knowledge that would be required of _your_ research and situate yourself. Stop being so stupid, de Keyser. Use that brilliant brain of yours."

"Excuse me?" Genevieve said as she looked up at him. Confusion was written across her face at such a backhanded compliment. Severus's eyes narrowed as he crossed his arms over his chest. "We've already had this conversation two months ago, Severus—"

"Who said you could address me that way?" the potions master interjected. Genevieve chewed the inside of her cheek; the rest of the professors had been addressing him by his first name in conversations she's had about him, and having heard it for a bit, she had begun to as well. Behind his back, anyway, never to his face. Until now.

"Nobody, sir." Severus leaned down to tilt her chin up, meeting her at eye level. Genevieve felt a lump in her throat as she met his sharp stare.

"To you and the rest of my students, I am Professor Snape. Are. We. Clear?" He released her and turned back towards his desk where he resumed grading papers, not waiting for her response. After a moment of holding her breath, Genevieve inhaled piercingly, her heart pounding against her chest.

"Yes, we're clear," she mumbled. For the rest of their time together, Severus graded papers while Genevieve sorted through course materials. It was true that her expertise as an alchemist had given her quite the background in Potions and Transfigurations, but when it came to his rigid curriculum there were so many small things she needed to refresh her mind on. Her notes became extensive and her hand hurt incredibly as she stood from the sofa.

"I need to help Professor McGonagall with some things before the Quidditch match," she said after a long while. Snape looked up at her, his eyes still aflame with anger. He placed his feather pen down in the ink pot as she picked up her books and bag, shoving her work into it. "Are you going to be there tonight?"

"I'm Head of Slytherin, aren't I?" he asked bitterly.

Genevieve bit her lip as she sighed. "Yes, you are. I take that as a yes, Professor Snape. Again, the attitude. Cut it. I don't know how many times I have to ask you to respect me."

All the professor could do was roll his eyes. In his mind, respect was earned not given and this little girl had not earned anything.

* * *

Like it had always been, the first Quidditch match of the season had unparalleled energy to anything else the school year brought. Students' pent-up excitement for the year, anxieties about new classes and friends, and just their overall interest in the game provided an outlet for all their emotions to go. Screaming, yelling, cheering, and nudging one another was a common behavior amongst the students while the professors remained seated and watched patiently.

Genevieve made her way through one of the Gryffindor spectator seats where her mentor was seated. McGonagall smiled upon seeing the young witch and patted the bench next to her. "You're just in time," the older witch said as her mentee sat beside her. "The players are just starting to come out onto the field."

"I see that the Gryffindor versus Slytherin match is still as wildly popular as it was when I was a student," Genevieve grinned. Her eyes scanned the Gryffindor players; a few she had recognized from Snape's third and fourth year potions classes, but most were unknown to her. Suddenly she locked eyes with Harry Potter.

"Since when is Potter the Seeker?" she added as she leaned in towards McGonagall. "When has a first year ever taken that position?"

"I appointed him the other day," McGonagall responded. Genevieve turned to face her, eyes wide and lips parted slightly. "It was quite an incident, but I'll spare you the details. He is just like his father, though. He'll do quite well as a Seeker."

"I never thought I'd live to see a first year as a Seeker," she admitted as she turned her attention back towards the field. She tucked her hands in her pockets and shivered slightly in the cold October breeze. The sight of Professor Snape's stark contrast of black apparel against the rich greens of Slytherin house caught her attention from her peripheral vision, making her turn her head with piqued interest. From the Slytherin spectator seats he eyed his surroundings meticulously, appearing almost analytical as his gaze followed the players that had begun to make their way towards the field. He looked incredibly focused, Genevieve noted, but otherwise he was impossible to read. There were mainly students around him except for Professor Quirrell.

"Today's match is Gryffindor versus Slytherin!" The commentator announced as he reset the scoreboard. If possible, the noise level in the stadium grew louder. "What a great way to start off the season! I hope everyone is warm and ready!"

As the players mounted their brooms and took their positions, Madam Hooch came over and opened the quidditch box, allowing the bludgers to escape as well as the snitch. She said something quickly to the players and suddenly the quaffle was tossed into the air.

The quaffle was immediately stolen by a Gryffindor Chaser who quickly made their way towards the Slytherin hoops across the field. They dodged Slytherins as they flew, their bodies swerving every which way to avoid contact. A Slytherin Beater hit a bludger towards a Gryffindor but upon missing, became a little aggressive. Genevieve grew irritated; Slytherins didn't seem to change even as the years went by. The Chaser with the quaffle kicked it through the hoop and the Slytherin Keeper spiraled trying to stop it. The entire stadium cheered except for Slytherins, of course.

"10 points to Gryffindor!" The commentator pressed the tab that added 10 points to the scoreboard. The rest of the game remained quite similar, though after a few scores from Slytherin, things started to become tense. Harry Potter sat on his broom appearing to just be watching the game instead of seeking out the snitch like he was supposed to. That was when he saw it.

Genevieve's heart picked up in excitement and she felt the younger version of her pop out for a moment as he went after the snitch. That was until his broom started malfunctioning and she felt her heart drop to her stomach.

"It's Snape!" Hermione said to her friends. Genevieve turned her attention towards the conversation before immediately shifting her gaze to the Potions Master. "He's jinxing the broom!"

From where she was seated, Genevieve noticed Snape's mouth moving slightly with his eyes locked on the Potter boy. She felt infuriated; anger pulsed through her veins as she resisted the urge to start something with him. McGonagall fed off her energy and reached out to grab her hand which only made Genevieve more confused. She actively watched as Hermione left the Gryffindor spectator seats and made her way over to the Slytherin ones. Just as Genevieve had lost sight of the young Gryffindor girl, flames erupted from where Snape was seated and he desperately shook them out. As he did so, Harry's broom fixed itself and he was able to continue the game. That only made Genevieve angrier.

The act had clearly happened beneath McGonagall's nose, but without hesitation Genevieve walked over to where Hermione and Ron now stood. "10 points from Gryffindor," the teaching assistant said lowly as she leaned down to the children's height. Hermione's eyes grew wide, not really expecting someone to have seen what she had done, and ducked her head.

When Genevieve returned to her seat, the commentator for the game shouted, "Gryffindor wins!"

It took Genevieve another moment or so to reorient herself and realize that Harry had gone on to catch the snitch. She clapped, but still felt a little foggy. She was never good in large social settings like this; the energy was now much too high for her, even as an extrovert she could only take so much. As everyone began evacuating the spectator seats, the potions teaching assistant made her way over to where the Potions Master was walking back towards the castle.

"I can't fucking believe you," she hissed as she pushed him in the side, disorienting him as he faced the person who had shoved him. Halfway towards the castle, Severus stopped and exhaled sharply, his breath present on the crisp October day. "You think I didn't see that? Hermione Granger saw it, too."

Snape grabbed her wrists in an attempt to avoid more blows and held them tightly as he looked at her. "You don't know what you're talking about, de Keyser," he growled. "I suggest you stay out of this matter. It does not concern you."

"You just fucking jinxed a student's broom!" she hissed back, fighting against his restraints. "Let go of me you absolute—"

"Language," he warned as he let go and continued on his way into the castle. Genevieve followed him like a lost puppy, except much angrier and less soft than one. Her strides were almost in time with his; their similar heights made it so.

"Are you seriously most concerned about my _language_ , Professor? After you almost just _killed a boy_?"

"Like I said," he reasserted as he kept walking, attempting to ignore her upbeat gait. "You don't have any idea what you're talking about, you stupid girl. Take this as a hint to keep your nose out of it. It doesn't concern you, it's none of your business, so stop being nosey, stop acting entitled, and start listening when I talk to you."

"Just because you hate Harry Potter doesn't mean you get to kill him." The majority of the students and staff had already made their way into the castle when she said that sentence, and Severus turned around as a result. His eyes flickered with anger.

"We're _not_ talking about this," he said lowly. "You have no idea about the entire situation."

"So tell me," she plead. She paused to catch her breath, tears welling in her eyes. "McGonagall said I was brought here to help the school, so let me help. Let me help you too. I'm sick and tired of pissing you off, of you getting pissed at me, at me not understanding what the fuck is going on, Severus. Why are you keeping me in the dark?"

Snape opened his mouth to respond but promptly shut it. Normally, he absolutely adored how blunt she was; it was one of his favorite parts about Gryffindors as dreadful as they were. But this time he wanted more than anything for the conversation to be finished. "I'm going back to my office to grade some papers. You wanted to rework my lesson plan and I gave you extra work to do, so I suggest you go do that, Miss de Keyser."

"Severus—" The professor stopped at the use of his first name and squeezed his eyes shut. He sighed, not really having the energy to correct her, and kept walking. Perhaps that was easier - to address him as Severus. After all, she wasn't a student anymore. "Severus Snape!"

Without another response, Snape made his way back through the castle and to his office where he shut and locked the door. Genevieve sighed in frustration and went back to her quarters to do everything that he had asked of her earlier that day. Writing lesson plans wasn't difficult, and neither was refreshing her memory on Elixir to Induce Euphoria, but grading the write-ups he had given her took immense energy that she truthfully didn't have anymore.

As the day dwindled into dusk, the Hogwarts population made their way to the Great Hall for dinner like they usually do. Genevieve was in no mood to eat anything and pushed her food around absentmindedly as the rest of the teaching staff talked and conversed about their days and the quidditch match. Genevieve stared out at the students, not really focusing on much, her brain dissociated from her surroundings. Socializing felt more like a chore.

"Genevieve," a soft yet sharp voice came. "Genevieve!"

Looking up at the dark figure, Genevieve was surprised to see Severus standing there and was even more surprised by the tone he had used. She fixed her posture and met his eyes, uncertainty consuming her. Severus adjusted his cloak and cleared his throat before stating lowly, "We need to talk."

"Oh now you want to talk?" she hissed as she stood up. "What do you need this time? Grading more papers? Creating more tutoring plans?"

"Just shut up and listen, girl," he retorted. Genevieve's mouth promptly shut as she fiddled with the ring around her finger. "I need to run to Hogsmeade for some things and I want you to come with me."

"Come with you? For what? I have better things to do, Severus."

Snape paused at her method of addressing him, contemplating whether it was worth it to argue over it again. Truthfully speaking, he hated the way saying _Professor Snape_ sounded from her mouth and was comforted in a way by the use of his first name. "I need to go to Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop to grab some more materials for my course planning and I want to talk to you. I thought, perhaps, Hogsmeade would be a better option considering things."

Genevieve scoffed and grabbed the bag that was sitting at her feet. "You're ridiculous, you know that?"

"I don't need to play your games, de Keyser," Snape retorted. "Are you coming or not?"

"Yes, Severus, grab your things and I'll meet you by your office. Be fucking patient for once."


	4. PART FOUR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: alcohol consumption

When Genevieve was a student, Hogsmeade was her favorite place to go with her friends. Within her group of friends, she and another girl constantly went to the specialist bookshop Tomes and Scrolls while the remainder joked off in the Shrieking Shack. Now, as an adult, she was more drawn to the pubs; they were her primary source of socialization outside of the Hogwarts castle walls. She did, however, quite enjoy Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop now as a teaching assistant. Stationary materials were a new obsession. Perhaps that meant something.

As she made her way through Hogsmeade with Severus by her side, she kept glancing up at his stern expression. He seemed to be concentrating or thinking, but she could not tell for certain. Sighing, she shoved her hands into her pockets and shivered. Snape didn't seem to notice, his gaze fixated on the narrow door to the store's entrance.

"Severus, it's freezing," she huffed as he opened the door. He gestured for her to enter, which she did without hesitation and rubbed her hands together. It wasn't as cold as most people would consider cold, but the young witch always ran a little colder than most other people.

"It's not cold inside," he responded as he made his way towards the section with parchments. The professor was very particular with what he wrote with and on; if it was subpar quality, his attempts at binding them for future reference would result in ripped parchment, smeared ink, and otherwise a poorly organized attempt at a curriculum. Genevieve pressed her lips together as she followed him, her fingertips grazing the spines of the pre-bound parchment books. As expected, Severus was more into the loose parchment.

"You know it would be easier if you bought it pre-bound," she interjected as he picked up a few packs of loose parchment. He rolled his eyes and moved on towards the ink pots.

"If you buy them pre-bound, there is no room for error or adjustment. If you buy them unbound, then you can reorder them and ultimately create the perfect notes. Perhaps that's why your notes were a mess as a student." He started going through the ink pots, looking at the labels on various ones until he found the formula and color that he needed. "The same goes for ink. Low quality ink, low quality notes. You know better, de Keyser."

Genevieve blinked a few times, taken aback by his remark, but truthfully she agreed. Why hadn't she thought of that before? It would have saved her so much more time as a student and even now, as a teaching assistant, she was constantly smearing her ink by accident and attempting to reorganize her work. Binding notes yourself seems easier but more time consuming. "What did you want to talk to me about, Severus? Why am I here?"

"I'll let you know once we're done here," he said as he approached the counter. He quickly exchanged galleons for the materials and gestured towards the door with his head as the pair walked out. "Fancy a drink?"

"Depends what the contents are," she responded as she narrowed her eyes. It was partially a joke, partially not; she had no idea what to expect. Snape grumbled irritably at her smart comment and stopped, turning to face her. The young witch had once again shoved her hands in her pockets.

"Firewhisky?" he asked as he pointed towards The Three Broomsticks Inn. Genevieve stopped in her tracks, taken aback by that request. Her heart picked up in pace.

"I swear if you're trying to get me drunk, Severus—" She stepped back from him, her brain starting to get a little foggy.

"And just as I thought you weren't vain enough to assume that," he stated sternly. The way she stepped back from him was confusing to the professor, but nevertheless he gave her the slight bit of space. Her eyes were wide and Severus was slightly concerned that perhaps she was not comfortable with the idea.

"I've no ill intent, Genevieve," he continued a little softer.

Genevieve hesitated but exhaled slowly as he led her into the pub. Sure, she enjoyed coming here with friends, but when it was with her former teacher it felt very out of her comfort zone. She tried to remind herself that he was now a co-worker but that barely did anything for her anxiety. Severus, on the other hand, appeared to be unfazed by the idea and led her over towards a booth in the back of the establishment away from the bustling commotion of the typical Hogsmeade residents. He placed his bag of stationary on the bench and Genevieve took her coat off, laying it beside her. She was still shaking, however.

"Merlin, remind me tomorrow to bring hand warmers for you. I see you haven't grown out of that shivering habit," he noted. Genevieve looked up at him, shocked he'd remembered such a small detail. "I'm going to get drinks, I'll be back."

In the time it took Severus to come back with two firewhiskies, Genevieve had regulated her body temperature to a reasonable level and was staring at the wall in front of her. She still had not caught on to why he had wanted to talk to her, but she did appreciate his attempt to be civil and purchase her a drink.

"So," she said as he handed her a glass. She tapped her nails along the sides and stared at him intently. "Why am I here? In what circumstances did you think Three Broomsticks was a better option to talk?"

"Hogwarts is tense, I thought you'd like to get fresh air," Snape admitted, taking a sip of his drink. Genevieve raised a brow but nevertheless mirrored him by taking a drink. "I also need you to take over teaching some of my courses indefinitely. I have some things I need to attend to and I don't see it resolving itself any time soon."

"I— okay," she paused and furrowed her eyebrows, taking another sip of her drink as she processed what he had just said. "Which classes?"

"First, second, and third years," he added. "The morning classes."

"Why? Just two months ago you were throwing a fucking tantrum about how you didn't want me to take over any of your classes or any of your responsibilities, and now you're just handing them over without reason?" Severus watched as she curled her fingers into her palms, squeezing until her knuckles were white.

"Stop that," Severus chastised as he tapped on the backs of her hands. Genevieve blinked a few times and released her fists before pulling them back against her body. "It's none of your business why I do what I do. The only business of yours pertains to what is going on in that classroom so you need to listen to me and do what I ask of you."

"This is pathetic," she mumbled, finishing her drink with one swig. As she placed the glass down, Snape leaned back into his seat and watched her become flustered. But he was slightly impressed with her ability to down whisky like that. "You're pathetic, Severus. What could possibly be happening that you are giving up part of your teaching post indefinitely? Why did this warrant a drink?"

"Like I said," he reasserted, taking another sip of his drink. "I thought a drink would be... nice. Amicable. It's also none of your bloody business. Just do as you're told."

"Okay, well am I taking your lesson plans and rolling with it? Or do I have to write my own and figure out what the hell I'm doing?"

"I have lesson plans laid out, but knowing your history of reworking them anyways, do what you want as long as the proper materials are taught and graded." Snape took another sip of his drink and Genevieve sighed, running her hands through her hair. There were so many thoughts running through her head. What was he going to be doing? Will he be at Hogwarts? Did anyone else know what was going on? Was she the only staff member in the dark?

"Fine," she finally agreed irritably. "Are you still teaching fourth, fifth, and sixth years? Why just the afternoon classes? What's going on in your mornings now?"

"Genevieve, I don't know how many times I have to tell you that it's none of your business," Severus snapped. The young witch looked taken aback by his tone of voice, and stood from her spot at the booth. "Where are y—"

"Honestly, Severus, I need to not think about this, about _you_ , right now. I'm exhausted. I already did the work you asked of me. Everything is on your desk. I have prepared the materials for tomorrow's first year lecture, the lesson plans for upperclassmen tutoring, and the graded write-ups like you asked of me. I just can't be near you right now, you're absolutely infuriating and confusing."

Genevieve strode towards the door quickly, not taking into much consideration the consequences of her behaviors. It did not take long for Severus to catch up to her, though, and he matched each one of her steps until he stopped in front of her. "I'm not leaving you in Hogsmeade, Genevieve. No matter how pissed off you are at me."

"Get out of my way, Severus," she hissed. "I said I'd take your classes. You asked me what you needed to. Thank you for the drink, but I'm done here."

Snape pressed his lips together. When he didn't respond, Genevieve pushed past him and kept walking. She took her wand out, preparing to apparate to the grounds just outside of Hogwarts when he called out again. "It's Harry Potter."

"You tried to kill him," she said monotonously as she turned to face him. "I saw you jinxing his broom today, and you kept telling me that wasn't the case. What was the case then, Severus?"

"I'm not going to have this conversation again," he pressed. "Just... come back with me."

"I'm tired of this game," she admitted as she tucked her wand away. She approached him, crossing her arms over her chest. The sun had already set now, and the dim lights of the street made it difficult for Snape to properly read her facial expressions.

"What game, Genevieve?"

"You are consistently shutting me out," she yelled. "The whole teaching staff is. I didn't think that's what this would be like. I didn't think it would happen at Hogwarts. I didn't think it would happen in general."

Severus paused and bit the inside of his lip. "Let's just get back to Hogwarts."

* * *

While the morning classes weren't as lively as the afternoon ones, Genevieve did enjoy spending time with the first years. They were all so sweet except for a small group of Slytherins. She barely remembered their names but she knew one of them was a Malfoy. Hermione Granger was always talking to Genevieve, asking questions about course materials as well as other areas of study that she was interested in. She found it incredibly rewarding to help such a promising student.

As promised, Genevieve taught the class that morning. A few students questioned where Snape was, to which she replied with _personal matters_. Most of the students didn't care though and were happy to have a kinder person teaching them potions. It was a nice change of pace to have someone be considerate and intent on helping them succeed.

As she finished writing the lesson plan on the board and turning to the page in the book, Genevieve made her way to the podium. "Per last night's reading, today we're brewing Sleeping Draught. For this you'll need your mortar, pestle, cauldron, and wand. I've laid out the ingredients on your stations already, so I recommend working diligently. It takes 70 minutes for it to brew and I expect everyone to finish with time to start their write-up. I'll be here if you have questions, otherwise I'll be monitoring your progress."

The students began following the brewing instructions written in their books, talking amongst themselves as they did. Genevieve walked down the aisles, taking mental note of everyone's progress. Out of the five small groups, only two of them had been working efficiently. Many were laughing and not attempting the brew. Genevieve could only think of one reason: she wasn't Snape and therefore they didn't take her as seriously.

Clearing her throat, Genevieve made her way back to the podium and pressed her palms into the wood. "Everyone stop what they're doing for a moment," she said sternly. The class unanimously turned their attention, but Malfoy's group continued laughing. "Mr. Malfoy, do you care to share with the class what you think is so funny? No? Just because Professor Snape is not teaching today does _not_ mean you can do whatever you want without consequences. Stop being a pathetic excuse of yourself and do your work or you'll be headed straight to Dumbledore, am I clear?"

Draco slumped in his seat. "Wait until my father hears about this."

"Oh, Lucius Malfoy? Shame. 20 points from Slytherin for your back talk and a week's detention for you, Mr. Malfoy. I'm not playing games here. Everyone, return to your brewing. Time is of the essence."

As the class returned to their potion, Genevieve starting making notes on her parchment. She could not help but think about what had happened last night with Severus. To her, he seemed to be scared and pleading, but to him that might not have been obvious. She was capable of traveling from Hogsmeade to Hogwarts but he still demanded she go with him. For what? Why did he care? Perhaps she was not the only one thinking about her sixth year.

"Miss de Keyser," Hermione called out. Genevieve looked up in response to her name and made her way over to the table where Harry, Ron, and Hermione were working.

"Yes, Miss Granger?" she responded, holding her hands behind her back.

"I am a little confused about the Valerian sprigs," she said. "Are we adding them as a whole or are we crushing them?"

"You're already that far into the brew?" Genevieve asked, brows furrowed. She glanced at the clock only to realize that there were only 10 minutes of class left and that they had already passed the 70 minute brewing time. "You add them whole and stir 7 times, clockwise. Wave your wand and then you're done – bottle it up, mark your group names on it, and leave it on the back counter as you leave. Good work, you three."

As class came to an end, Genevieve cleaned up the remainder of the classroom. Since it was Wednesday, the only potions classes that took place that day were first years at first period and second years at third period. Given that she had an entire period to prepare, she made her way back towards Snape's office to grab more preparation materials for the remainder of the day. She didn't expect him, however, to be in his office.

Sitting in his chair, Snape had his pant leg rolled up slightly as he attempted to clean out a deep wound. Genevieve's heart practically stopped. "When the fuck did that happen?"

Severus looked up quickly, shoving his pant leg down as he did. "None of your business."

"You have a fucking gash in your leg, Severus, I don't care that it's none of my business. Let me take a look." The young witch placed her things down and closed the door as she made her way over to the professor, kneeling beside his chair. Snape huffed with distaste but nevertheless let her touch it.

"It's not infected," she announced as she looked it over. "You cleaned it well. Why haven't you used a healing charm?"

Snape didn't respond to the question, and it suddenly dawned on her that perhaps he didn't know how. "You don't know any healing charms?"

"If you tell anyone I will _Crucio_ your arse," he grumbled, hissing through his teeth as she summoned a sanitized cloth and began attending to the wound.

"Merlin forbid," she mumbled as she pressed the cloth onto his skin, looking up at him as she did so. "Class went fine today, thanks for asking."

"I don't expect anything less from you," he responded. Genevieve rolled her eyes as she began chanting a healing charm, keeping the pressure on his leg constant. As she did so, Snape experienced strange tingling but it did not hurt at all. It did not take more than a minute for the wound to close, leaving a faded white scar on his leg.

"It's an animal bite," she stated bluntly. "Whose animal?"

"A friend's."

"That's bullshit and we both know it. You don't have friends." It sounded a bit harsher than Genevieve had intended and bit her lip as she mumbled. "I'm sorry, that was a little too mean."

"Sometimes the truth is harsh," he admitted as he rolled his pant leg back down. "Thank you."

Genevieve's eyes lit up at the simple statement of gratitude and offered a soft smile. Part of it was pity; she felt awful that he didn't have friends, but she could understand why. He was a bitter man with nothing positive to say. "You're welcome, Severus. I'm sorry for last night. I appreciate that you took me out of Hogwarts for a little while, I really did need it."

Snape didn't respond, eyes refocusing as he thought of something to say. He felt uncomfortable discussing any sort of emotion and his irrational anger started building up in his chest. "Do you have a moment to sit?"

"Not really, but I can make one." Her smile grew a bit bigger as she sat in front of his desk, crossing one leg over the other and pressing her palms to her thighs. "What's on your mind?"

"Just sit, for a minute. In silence." Genevieve was confused, but nevertheless agreed. She watched him intently, attempting to read his facial expression but was completely unable to get past the stone wall he had put up around his mind. In moments like these she was extremely bothered by the fact he was a skillful Occlumens.

"What are you thinking?" she asked after a few minutes of silence. Snape's vision refocused and he realized that he had been staring the whole time. Genevieve reached forward and rested a hand on the top of his. "I can never tell."

Snape pulled his hand back and Genevieve watched as he retreated farther back from his exterior. "You should get back to preparing for courses. That's why you're here, right?"

Genevieve furrowed her brows. "Yes, that's why I came in here."

"So grab them and be on your way. Don't bother me anymore."


	5. PART FIVE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: none

Though cold in Scotland, November was Genevieve's favorite month. There was a part of her that yearned for the way the world seemed to slow down during that time. She hated that the sun set earlier, but she enjoyed the added comfort of fireplaces and a cup of hot tea between her hands. It became progressively clear to Severus that she became much more mellow during the colder months. He wasn't sure if he enjoyed the rollback of her ferocity or if he missed it.

Over the last few weeks, the professor had made a better attempt to... tolerate his aide. The gridlock between the two had become so apparent that arguments had ensued to the point Genevieve had cried out of pure frustration and Severus withdrew without engagement. It was then that it became discernible to Genevieve how conflict adverse he was. Perhaps that was why their relationship settled; the aide became a better listener and the professor became less vigilant.

"Severus," Genevieve gasped as she tried to catch her breath. She was standing in the doorway to his office, winter coat zipped, gloved hands shoved in her pockets, and hair dusted with fresh snowflakes. "Please come outside with me."

Snape looked up from the book he was reading and raised a curious brow, eyes scanning her appearance before he turned the page of his book and resumed reading. "You hate the cold," he stated blatantly. "I don't see the enjoyment of getting wet in such bitter, raw weather."

"Oh shut it," she retorted as she approached his desk. She pressed her palms down on the smooth surface and leaned over it, the melted snow sliding off her dark hair in droplets.

"Genevieve," he said sternly as he quickly pulled all his parchments back into a neat pile away from her. "You're getting my work wet."

"Please, Severus," she pleaded. "Just a little while. You've practically been in here all day and I haven't seen you just... relax. Like at all and I've been here for just over two months."

"I relax plenty," he defended as he met her eyes. Her eyebrows were raised and head tilted slightly as she begged. Truthfully, he never liked the snow, even as a boy.

"I'll make you tea when we come back," she added as she stood up straight. "Any kind you want and I'll take an extra stack of write-ups to grade. You need to live a little, Professor."

"You're bribing me with tea?" he laughed in disbelief, uncertain whether she was serious or not. The corners of his mouth turned up slightly as he did so and he furrowed his brows.

"Dash of cream, no sugar," she added in a bit of a sing-song voice. Severus sighed and chuckled to himself. "I'll also take that extra stack of papers when we get back."

"Will you shut up if I do?"

"You have my word," she grinned.

The professor sighed as he stood, smoothing out his jacket as he reached for his cloak. Once he had fastened that around his neck, he put on a pair of black leather gloves before he grabbed his wand. Genevieve took that moment to shake out her hair, now dampened from the melted snow, and turned on her heels to lead him back to the courtyard.

The sun had set only a half hour before with the sky's light fading by the minute. Without thinking, she grabbed Snape's hand and ran towards the open area where the snow was starting to stick. At that time, students would be eating dinner in the Great Hall before going to bed therefore she knew the two would be uninterrupted. That was until McGonagall inevitably went looking for the pair, as she usually did when they failed to show up for something. It had become quite the habit the last few days.

"It's so beautiful," she squealed as she turned around to face him. Severus stood there, uncertain, and took one of his gloves off to feel the cold snow in his hand. He had to admit, he had not done this since he was a boy. Since Lily. It felt... nice, oddly enough. Better than he remembered, but certainly not as pleasurable as Genevieve was making it out to be.

"It's cold," he stated blatantly as he put his glove back on. Genevieve laughed and grabbed his gloved hands once again.

"No shit," she shot back with a stupid grin. She continued pulling him towards the center of the courtyard until the two of them were standing in the snow. It was not obvious to Severus what Genevieve's reasoning was for dragging him out in the less than perfect weather conditions, but that thought was halted when she suddenly dropped down onto the grass in a star position. "Lay with me, Severus."

"No," he said abruptly. "Genevieve, this isn't appropriate."

"Since when have you ever cared about what was appropriate, Severus?" she shot back, tugging at his pant leg. "Lay down."

With a huff, Snape copied her and laid down on the wet, snowy courtyard lawn. Genevieve looked over at him and began making snow angels, something she had not done since she was a very young child living in The Netherlands with her mother and brother. Severus, on the other hand, did not move but watched her with a lazy gaze. He recognized this girl. He had not seen this side of her in years.

The young witch made snow angels for what seemed like forever to Severus. He was incredibly impatient when it came to Genevieve's childlike endeavors, and tonight definitely appeared to be one of those. Genevieve stared up at the darkened sky as her movements came to a stop, her heart pounding against her chest as she regained her breath. Her eyes drifted shut after a moment and she turned her head to face him, scrunching her nose at the way his black hair was now slicked against his face.

But Severus could not help but watch her. The curvature of her nose, jaw, lips, the way her eyes sparkled and cheeks flushed the softest pink he had ever seen. He was a very observant man and had always been. When she was a student, that was an imperative quality of his. That and Legilimency, of course.

"When was the last time you did something like this?" she asked softly, breaking the silence. She was much calmer now, her childlike energy completely evaporated as she looked up to meet his eyes. "You're so tense all the time and it's confusing to me."

Severus hesitated to respond, chewing the inside of his cheek as he thought. "This isn't typical of me," he admitted. He shifted his gaze up to the sky, closing his eyes as snowflakes continued to dust his face and get trapped on his lashes. "I don't think I've ever done something like this."

Genevieve rolled over onto her stomach as she stared at him, her eyes darkening as she focused. He recognized that look as her _serious face_ which usually meant she was going to pitch a fit and he silently braced himself. Her dark hair was soaked rather than damp now and she tucked the wet locks behind both her ears. The cold snow was dripping down her neck and into her jacket now which made her shiver. She sniffled as her gaze met his.

"Do you know how to dance?" she whispered, using her index fingers to draw circles in the snow. Her cheeks flustered a hot pink now and Severus stifled a laugh. "What's so funny?"

"You're shaking," he pointed out candidly with a grin. "Your lips are blue, your hands are trembling, and you're asking me to dance? In the snow?"

Genevieve's mouth opened to respond, but she promptly shut it to think. With her brows furrowed, she nodded. "Dance with me, Severus. In the bitter weather in the Hogwarts courtyard."

Unsure how to respond, Snape glanced one last time at his aide. She looked sad somehow, or as if she were longing for something. It would take two seconds for Severus to see what she was thinking if it weren't for his morals telling him that Legilimency in this moment was not fair to her. Curiosity did eat at him, though. "Okay," he agreed.

As Genevieve stood again, she offered a hand to the Potions Master. He shook out his cloak as he stood and pushed his hair back, a few strands of dark hair still framing his face. She took her wand out of her pocket, and with a quick wave, one of her favorite Muggle songs had started playing. Severus chuckled.

"Muggle music?" he inquired as she shoved her wand back into her pocket. Genevieve rolled her eyes, unamused.

"Yes, Muggle music. I grew up with a Squib mother so I lived in the Muggle world for a lot of my life," she stated as she stepped forward to rest her left hand on his shoulder. Severus cracked a half smile as his right hand rested on the curve of her waist. Genevieve tensed slightly but relaxed once she realized how gentle he was being with her.

Meeting Snape's eyes, Genevieve carefully held his other hand with hers and stepped close enough to smell his cologne. It made her stomach flutter oddly and the subtle warmth of his body offset how freezing she was. He was also wet, but he was less sensitive to cold weather than the young witch with his thicker jacket and cloak. The two swayed a little to the music before Severus started leading her with little steps. He twirled her a few times which made her laugh.

In the distance, McGonagall watched the pair in the courtyard. Their little bubble filled with peace warmed her as irritating as it was that they kept missing meals and other gatherings required by staff. She had taught both of them and they looked so much more alive now dancing in the snow than compared to their time at Hogwarts. She sighed and smiled softly as Snape cracked a genuine smile. It truly made her happy.

As the song ended, McGonagall walked out to the courtyard. With a wave of her wand, the music shut off. "You two need to stop skipping meals," she called out as she tucked her hands in her thick pockets. "This is the third time this week and it's only Monday. What clock are you following?"

"I'm sorry," Genevieve apologized as she pushed hair out of her face. The snow was coming down a little harder now and Severus let his hands fall from her as she turned to face her mentor. "I asked him to come outside with me for a little bit. I must've forgotten the time with how early it gets dark."

"Make sure you two dry off and get something warm to eat and drink. Severus, she looks like she's about to get hypothermia you should really take her inside."

"We were about to go, Minerva," Snape said monotonously. McGonagall nodded once before she left the pair and Genevieve laughed softly.

"Oops," she said. "I'm sorry, Severus."

Severus paused and pressed his lips together, eyes scanning his aide for a moment. She was physically shaking, her lips were blue, and her cheeks were red, all of which worried him. He grabbed her hand instinctively and started pulling her back towards the castle without another word.

"Sev, what—" That nickname made his heart stop and he pulled his hand back from her, refusing to look her in the eyes. Genevieve couldn't read his face, and worry spread across her features as she reached out to him. "What happened? What did I do?"

"You're such a stupid little girl," he sighed as he began walking back towards his office. The warm air of the castle felt nice to Genevieve as they rounded the corner but she struggled to keep up with him.

"Severus, please," she plead. She sounded so broken and Snape turned to face her with anger flickering in his eyes. She stopped as she met his eyes. "What did I do?"

"You should head back to your quarters to change," he snapped. "Leave me alone."

Genevieve's chest ached dully but she immediately grew angry at his remark, turning on her heels to walk towards her quarters like he had said. It was a quick walk to that wing of the castle and within a minute was using her wand to open the door. She stumbled into the room and turned to lock the door again, stripping from her wet clothes as she made her way to her washroom to run a hot bath. She was shaking now, goosebumps covering her body, and she sat in the hot bath to thaw herself out. She felt numb, however; that moment with Severus made her feel so alive for the first time since she returned. They didn't fight. He didn't put up his guard. She had grown fond of him, but moments like these she raged with pure hatred.

Once Genevieve had cleaned her body and hair, she stepped out of the bath to moisturize her face and body before sliding on a warm sweater and pants with wool socks. She sat on the rug in front of her fireplace as it crackled, pressing her knees to her chest as she watched the flame dance across the burning wood. But in that moment, all she could think about was Severus.

* * *

As promised, Genevieve walked into Snape's office the next morning with tea and took an extra large stack of write-ups to grade. Both the professor and his aide remained quiet for most of the morning except to talk about course work, but other than that Severus had completely walled himself up again. She wanted to use Legilimency on him more than anything, to figure out what he was thinking, but his gift as an Occlumens meant that would not be happening. She still tried, anyways.

"You're not going to get far," he stated bluntly as he turned the page of a write-up. He glanced up at Genevieve as he dipped his pen in the ink before continuing. "Stop being so nosy, you stupid girl."

Genevieve didn't respond, instead looking down at the write-up with tears in her eyes as she began marking things with ink in the margins. Snape watched her carefully, her body language making him visibly uncomfortable, but continued with his work. Last night had brought a flood of emotions for him, most of which he didn't really understand. He was not a very expressive man and that was something Genevieve had recognized even as a student, but dancing in the cold as it snowed had conflicted him. Secretly, Severus yearned for that sense of comfort and warmth but he would not allow himself to have it.

"I don't like it when you call me that," she said softly after she processed what he had said. "You call me a stupid girl all the time, and I'm not stupid nor am I a little girl. When are you going to respect me, Severus? What have I done to warrant this?"

Snape looked up at his aide and sighed. Genevieve noted the pain in his eyes and she resisted the urge to go comfort him. After the First Wizarding War, she had learned how to read emotions too well for an eleven year old and that skill stuck with her.

"I'm sorry," he muttered. The woman's eyes widened at the quiet apology and sat up, shifting her position to make sure she had heard him correctly. "I don't mean it."

"I don't care if you mean it, Severus," she said as tears streamed down her face. "When are you going to stop being so vindictive and cynical? What is going on in your brain that you think that's okay?"

Severus pressed his palms to the surface of his desk and didn't respond. His extremities became tingly and his brain went foggy. His presentation mimicked that of Genevieve's mother and she immediately rushed over to his desk as he looked up at her, confusion written across his face at the odd sensation. "Genevieve," he said softly.

She knelt beside his desk, taking both of his hands within her own. They were cold and clammy, and tears welled in his eyes. "It'll pass, Severus," she reassured. She alternated squeezing each hand. Snape furrowed his brow at the action.

"You can't call me Sev," he voiced brokenly. "Please."

"Okay, okay, I won't say it again," she reassured. His heart pounded against his chest and his eyes drifted shut, tears streaming down his cheeks silently. Genevieve's heart broke but she continued squeezing his hands until she was certain he was coming down from the episode. Severus sat there without making a sound except for his quickened breathing, but as the symptoms died down, he pulled his hands back.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she offered, pressing her palms to her thighs as she looked up at him. He shook his head. "Okay, I'm going to get you some water. Take a walk with me, let's get some feeling back in your body. You'll be okay."

Severus did not have the energy to fight her, and he stood without any retaliation as she took his hand and led him out of his office. She locked the door behind her as she made her way towards her quarters, making sure to look up at him every so often to make sure he was okay. He still seemed extremely out of it but he wiped away the tears that dripped off his chin. Genevieve carefully unlocked her quarters and led him over to the plush sofa by her fireplace before getting him a glass of cold water.

"How did you know?" he said after a moment. His voice was small. She did not recognize this man as sat next to him on the sofa. He had never shown this side of him and she understood why. It was the same reason that her mother had: weakness was not an option in a house with a young child, but Severus did not have a child. He had a reputation to uphold.

"My mother," she responded as she wiped the remainder of his tears away with her warm hands. Severus sighed and leaned into the simple affection which was completely unexpected of him, but she allowed it. She wanted to make sure he was safe and it was clear to her that he would need to rest. "After the First Wizarding War she started getting symptoms like this. I learned how to help."

"You were eleven when it ended," he noted. "You were a child. You shouldn't have had to care for her like that."

"I know," she acknowledged as she pushed his hair out of his face. "But she didn't have anyone else but me."

There was a pause in conversation and Genevieve sighed, kneeling by the fireplace so that she could start a fire to warm the place up a little better. With her back turned to the professor, she said, "I'm going to take over your afternoon classes today. I want you to rest. You can stay here or I can situate you back in your quarters, but you are in no mental state to teach and supervise potion making."

Snape didn't respond and took a sip of his water, his eyes drifting to the fire. As Genevieve turned back to face him, she watched him nod absentmindedly. "Okay," she said. "Do you think you can walk?"

He shook his head. "You can stay here, then," she continued. "I can get you some blankets."

"I don't understand," he said as she gathered a wool blanket to lay across his lap. "Why are you taking care of me?"

"Despite what you might think, I care about you," she admitted. "I have always cared about you. You helped me during my sixth year, and as much as I hated how good you are at Legilimency, I needed you then. I am simply returning the favor. Is that okay?"

"Yes," was all he could manage. He placed the cup of water on the coffee table in front of him and tucked the blanket over his shoulders. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Severus. I'll come check on you in a little bit." With that, Genevieve left Severus in her quarters.


	6. PART SIX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: allusion to self-harm, bullying

_"You wouldn't believe what I just heard," a Ravenclaw girl muttered to her friends as she walked in the corridors to her Potions class. Her hand was cupped around her mouth in an attempt to muffle what she said, but to Professor Snape it was quite obvious. "Genevieve cheated on Sarah."_

_"Merlin, with who?" the other Ravenclaw girl giggled back as she entered their Potions class. Genevieve trailed behind the pair as she frantically tugged at her sleeves, desperate to hide herself from the scrutiny she was being placed under. She listened in to the conversation and offered a forced smile to Snape as she sat down._

_"Caleb O'Donnell. Little Miss Cocky Genevieve lived up to her name, didn't she? So disgusting, she thinks she's all that because she's good at school and now she goes on and sleeps with some guy behind Sarah's back? Sarah is so nice."_

_The door to the Potions class slammed as Snape walked towards the front of the room. Genevieve's eyes drifted shut and she held back tears as she listened to Snape begin the lecture as aggressively as he always did. She knew what to expect; upon reviewing the syllabus the night before, she had prepared materials for their brew. But she wasn't paying attention and she turned to look at Sarah's empty chair with her heart aching._

_"Materials are in front of you. Follow your books and don't be ignorant of the steps. It's imperative you follow them carefully otherwise you'll see the consequences," Snape said as he made his way back to the podium. Upon seeing Genevieve spaced out, he cleared his throat and walked over to where she sat, dragging a chair up to sit by her. The rest of the class chatted as they brewed their potions._

_"What do you think you're doing?" he asked sternly under his breath. Genevieve looked up at him with tears in her eyes and desperately tried to wipe them away, her heart racing. The last thing she wanted to do was to be yelled at publicly by Severus Snape. She would be even more of a fuck up then._

_"I'm sorry, I'll get right on it," she answered as she opened her Advanced Potions Making book to the page with the potion they were making that day. Severus bit his lip and glanced at the class one last time before he stood up, pulling the chair away with him._

_"Come with me," he said a little softer as he walked towards the front entrance to the classroom. Confused, Genevieve made her way over to the door and followed him to the corridor where he shut the door. Turning to face her, he said, "What's going on with you?"_

_"Nothing," she lied, her voice cracking slightly. "I'm okay, can I go back and work on my potion now? I don't really have time to make it up at another time, Professor."_

_"If this has anything to do with Sarah," he started before stopping mid-sentence. He took a deep breath and adjusted his sleeves. "I heard something from the students, but I didn't hear what." He was clearly lying through his teeth, but Genevieve did not pick up on it._

_"Really, Professor," she tried again, mustering a bit more courage in her voice. "I am okay. Please let me go back to class."_

_She tugged down hard on her sleeves, which Severus eyed carefully before looking her in the eyes. Though not particularly deep in her memories, he saw the pain and anguish that was at the front of her mind. With it being so far forward in her mind, he doubted she would have any idea that he was using Legilimency on her, and he was right. But what he saw was rather upsetting and he squinted his eyes slightly as he broke eye contact._

_She was harming herself._

_"Roll up your sleeves, Genevieve."_

Severus jolted awake from his dream, his heart pounding as he turned over to face the cool side of his sheets. He looked around to orient himself to his surroundings, and upon acknowledging that he was in bed and not reliving that day, he settled back in his duvet. His dark hair was slick with sweat as he closed his eyes in an attempt to calm himself down, but that was not the case. He stood from the bed and went to his small kitchen to grab a glass of water.

The sun had just begun to rise on this side of the Hogwarts castle and the warm rays peaking through the window brought a sense of comfort to the professor. He took his glass of water to his common area where he sat down and attempted to wake up, now coming to the realization that he had absolutely no time left to sleep. Exhaustion consumed him.

Soon enough, he was showered and dressed and on his way to his office to grab materials for the day. Genevieve was still teaching his morning classes, which he enjoyed, but because she was up a little earlier than he was, she was already grabbing his bound parchment books full of lesson plans, lecture notes, and answer keys for any assignments. He paused upon seeing her.

"Good morning, Severus," she said softly as she looked up at him. Her eyes were red and puffy as if she had been crying and she attempted not to meet his eyes. Snape stared a bit longer than he intended, taking in the sight of her apparent distress.

"Do you want some tea?" he asked quietly, putting down the books he had been carrying. Perhaps the dream of her sixth year had made him a bit too sentimental, or his soft spot for his former student had brought out the authenticity of his personality. "You have time, Genevieve. Classes don't begin for another half hour."

"I'm okay," she mustered as she wiped some remaining tears away. "I'd just like to just get to work, if that's alright with you, Severus."

"You have helped me a lot these past few weeks, let me assist you," he continued as he approached her. She refused to meet his eyes and aggressively began organizing the parchment she needed to take to the lecture hall. Snape hesitantly rested a hand on her shoulder. "Please. What happened?"

Genevieve tensed underneath his touch which made him pull back his hand, the uncertainty of what to do in a situation like this making his heart pound. He was not good at showing emotions, nor was he good at comforting people. Over the course of the last few weeks, as term started to come to a halt for Christmas break and exams neared, he experienced numerous episodes and most of them had been in front of his aide. He did not intend for it to happen but every time, regardless of whether they had argued, she had dropped everything to help him through it. He enjoyed her kindness and the feeling of her soft hands, and truly he wanted to find a way to make whatever she was going through less... painful. She looked pained.

"It's just a family thing," she sniffled as she pushed through him to grab her bag. "My dad. It's not a big deal, I'm just dramatic."

"You _are_ dramatic, but for other reasons," Snape admitted. "Your emotions aren't disproportionate and they never have been. They're justified."

"How would you know?" she pressed as she turned to face him. Her mascara had begun dripping off her chin and Severus immediately summoned a tissue for her. She took it without a second thought and wiped away her makeup. "I'm sure you already know. You use Legilimency on me all the time, you always have."

Snape paused, uncertain how to proceed. He stood there, blinking as he tried to come up with a reasonable response. His lips parted slightly and he took a deep breath. "You're right, I've used Legilimency on you. But only once, your sixth year."

"When you pulled me into the hallways and demanded I roll up my sleeves, I know," she laughed as she squeezed her eyes shut. "I'm not stupid, Severus. You wouldn't have known unless you looked."

"No, you tugged on your sleeves," he stated bluntly. Genevieve looked at him in confusion. "I heard you slept with that Ravenclaw boy and that simple motion gave it away. It was hot that day and you were the only student without your sleeves rolled. You have always had issues regulating your emotions in my classroom, like anger. I just confirmed my suspicions with Legilimency. I think you underestimate how observant I am, Genevieve."

"You heard about that?" she questioned as she scooped up all the materials she would need for her lecture that morning. "Never mind that, I have things I need to get to."

"What's happened with your father?" he asked as she picked up her things. She froze, and with her back now to him, she mumbled:

"My dad is out of Azkaban."

* * *

Typically, the introductory potions courses were the easiest to teach and passed extremely quickly, but that day was a lot tougher on Genevieve. She stood at the front of the room, leaning on her elbows against the podium while the students brewed their potion. Her eyes rested on Harry and his friends, who were laughing, and the thought of Severus and his connection to this boy — the _Chosen One_ — was so unknown to her. She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair as she eyed the clock.

The station towards the front of the room was empty that day, presumably due to students skipping or just being ill, and as she glanced at it she felt her heart stop. She stumbled slightly as she did, tears once again welling in her eyes. She fought them incredibly hard; the students couldn't see her cry, and she repeated that statement in her head as the remaining few students had finished their brews. Once they had left, she completely broke down sobbing.

Genevieve could not help herself; the event of her father leaving Azkaban had increased her anxieties as well as elicited memories of the time he had been put away. The sight of the empty station triggered memories of her sixth year. She pushed things off the stations, screaming as she did so. Nothing made sense to her anymore and her brain felt completely clouded.

"Genevieve?" the sound of the door slamming and the familiar, distinct male voice made her turn to face the noise. She stumbled back.

"I'll clean it up," she sobbed as she frantically began to pick up empty cauldrons, mortar and pestles, and empty flasks. "Please get out, Severus."

"I don't care about that," Snape said as he approached her. She stepped back as she cried, her entire body shaking. His heart ached at the sight of it. That morning when she cried quietly did not compare to the dull pain in his chest at the sight of her sobbing. "Take a breath. You tell me to do that all the time, why don't you do that now?"

"It's stupid and it doesn't fucking work," she yelled as she squeezed her eyes shut. Her back hit the wall as she stepped back and she slid down it until she was sitting on the floor with her knees pressed to her chest. Severus took a moment to think about what to do, but he did not hesitate to sit by her side.

"It does work," Snape said softly. He leaned his head back against the wall and sighed, uncertain of what to do. He turned his head to look at her; she was coughing now, her makeup completely gone and her body trembling. "If it didn't work I wouldn't calm down as fast as I do. So let's do it, let's breathe. Give me your hands."

"You don't understand," she said through her tears. Snape pressed his lips together and hesitated to respond. He recognized that their episodes were different; his were more internal and hers were definitely more external. She was definitely more reactive and her erratic motions scared him.

"So let me," he soothed as he reached out for her hands. She froze at the simple contact, not expecting it, but she stopped outwardly sobbing as he squeezed them. He did the same as she did for her, alternating the hands that he squeezed, and even turned his body towards her with his legs crossed so that he could properly assist her. It took a lot longer for her to calm down than it took Severus during his episodes, but she eventually succumbed to his gentle voice until her crying had died down to sniffling.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked as he let go of her hands. Genevieve shook her head as she summoned a tissue for herself, wiping her makeup away and then wiping her nose. She took a few deep breaths before she crawled into his lap. It completely took him off guard and he tensed, but relaxed as she rested her head against his shoulder. The smell of his cologne was soothing to her and her eyes drifted shut.

"Just stay here," she sighed as she tucked her arms against her abdomen. Snape's hand caressed the back of her head for a second and he also closed his eyes. He wasn't completely sure of what was happening, but as much as she needed the soft affections, he craved them too. The smell of the woman's subtle floral perfume made this all the more comfortable for Severus.

"We should move out of the classroom," he offered gently. "Perhaps my office is more of a quiet environment for you to relax without the worry of someone walking in."

"Am I making you uncomfortable?" she asked as she wiggled to get out of his lap. Without thinking, Snape pulled her back in and Genevieve squeaked slightly at the unexpected movement. A soft smile was plastered on her features.

"No," he sighed. "You're not making me uncomfortable."

Genevieve rolled her eyes. "Okay, but I need to clean up the classroom before we go."

"Just wave your wand," he suggested. "Or I can do it, just head back to my office and I can get you some tea. I will meet you there."

Doing as he suggested, Genevieve stood from her position in his lap and waved her wand, watching as the cauldrons and other supplies magically rearranged themselves to their original positions. Severus helped gather her materials as she did so and walked towards the entrance holding her bag and endless piles of books. "You bring so much to class," he mumbled. "Do you even use all of it?"

"Actually, I do," she said as she took them back from him. The pair made their way over to the professor's office where he unlocked it and walked towards the kettle that he now kept in the room. Genevieve was so frequently in there complaining about how cold his office was that he decided to keep it in there for when she visited in the event she needed tea. He even kept a wool blanket on the sofa. She had yet to notice, though.

As Snape boiled some water on a little burner, the young witch placed all of her books down on the table in front of the sofa and had taken off her shoes to climb under the blanket that was there. "You have such a bland office," she said, breaking the silence. "You should decorate it with some things. Minerva has photos, Pomona has plants, and you just... have books."

"I don't know what I would put up," Snape admitted as he poured hot water into a cup lined with a teabag. He brought it over to her before sitting down beside her on the sofa. Instinctively she cuddled up against him as she had before, still desperate for some sort of comfort. The professor sighed and stroked the back of her head. "Maybe you can do it, if you're so interested in having my office be less boring."

"Can I?" she asked as she glanced up at him. Severus rolled his eyes and grinned. "Hey, that was a serious question, if I'm getting permission you know that I'm going to go all out for this. I was on the decorating committee for the Yule Ball my fourth year, remember? I did so good."

"Ah," he laughed. He rested his head back against the wall that lined the back of the sofa as he looked up at the high ceiling, exhaling deeply as he took in the warmth of his teaching aide. "So what happened in class that made you break like that?"

"The front station," she admitted. Her gaze followed the curve of his exposed neck to where his jaw started. "You never struck me as a touchy person, Severus."

Snape looked down to meet her eyes, a little irritated that she had shifted topics, but was shocked she had picked up such a small detail. "I'm typically not."

"So why have you let me into your arms, and why are you petting my head?" She sat up to face him now, their heads leveled with one another. She watched his expression as he thought, uncertain if this meant he was no longer going to be stroking her hair or letting her listen to his heartbeat. Though she didn't understand why, the idea made her stomach flutter.

"Did you know when a dog sleeps on its side that it's trusting of its master?" he answered as he pushed hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear. Genevieve furrowed her brows in confusion but nodded anyway, uncertain where this train of thought was leading him. "That's how this feels."

"You... trust me?" she asked quietly. She was unsure whether this conversation would warrant another angry outburst from him or if she would be shut out again, but when he nodded slowly she sighed in relief. Perhaps she was finally getting through to him.

"I feel... safe?" the intonation of his voice shifted as he confirmed her suspicions, giving away how uncomfortable talking about his emotions made him. She sighed and reached up to caress his jaw, the quick movement causing him to jump. She pressed her lips together and carefully withdrew her hands before slowly providing affection.

"You are safe," she affirmed. "You have always been. I'm not going to hurt you, Severus. I don't know who has but I'm not going to. So, if you're a dog wanting to sleep on its side like you're alluding to, then I am grateful to have your trust. I value it, and you."

Snape didn't know how to respond to that but leaned into her touch, accepting her words as the truth. He was safe. He was finally safe. "You remind me of her," he said softly. "Harry Potter's mother."

"Lily?" she asked as she continued stroking his cheek. He nodded, though was unsure where he had heard her name.

"Yes, Lily," he sighed. "She was fiery and kind at the same time. Smart, too. She was nice to outcasts at Hogwarts and never failed to make me smile."

"Those are some major footprints to fill," she admitted.

The two sat there for a moment as Severus took in her soft affections and Genevieve's stomach churned. She couldn't tell whether it was anxiety or something else, but part of her was curious to find out.


	7. PART SEVEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: alcohol consumption, vanilla smut

Exams were brutal. Even as a student, Genevieve knew that. She was curious to know what it felt like from the instructor's point of view during exam week, but withdrew her curiosity once it set in. Though she was not being assessed on her skills, it was quite stressful; proctoring exams was tedious, grading them was even harder, and overall it took so much mental energy for her to concentrate that she was taking multiple naps a day. Most of them are on the sofa in Snape's office.

This time, when she woke up, she had a blanket draped over her body and a hot cup of tea waiting for her when her eyes opened. Disoriented, she blinked a few times to refocus her vision before she realized where she was. Sighing, she sat up and looked around the room to find Severus grading exams. He had his forehead pressed into his palm and he was groaning as he irritably marked questions and scribbled feedback. Genevieve had to admit, it was amusing to see him like that.

"You look stressed," she announced, her voice still groggy. Snape looked up towards the sound of her voice and sighed bitterly, putting the feather pen down in the ink pot.

"I don't remember slipping veritaserum into your tea," he grumbled back. "I hope you slept well because you are definitely not going to have a break with the amount of exams you have left to grade."

"Oh shut it," she shot back as she stood, stretching her entire body as she did so. She had to admit, his sofa was extremely comfortable to take naps on, though she never remembered putting the blanket on. "Give me a stack, I'll start now."

Severus filed through a big pile of exams and sorted a big stack of them out to hand over to her. She grabbed them without hesitation and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes as she reviewed the top of the first paper. "Seventh years? Severus, I proctored first, second, and third years."

"I've already graded those," he responded. "They were a lot better than the fourth, fifth, and sixth years. It's not like you to slack like this."

"Maybe because I'm teaching them," she shot back at him as she went to sit down at the sofa again. She grabbed her own feather pen and ink pot and began reading through the responses for the exam, groaning as she realized why he was so irritated with them. There were so many avoidable, stupid mistakes. She swore she would go through multiple ink pots by the time she was done.

"You should let me amend your curriculum for when term resumes," she called back to him when she was a few exams deep into the stack. Snape looked up again at her and gripped the pen a little bit tighter in anger.

"Perhaps you should just listen to me, since I'm the professor," he retorted as he once again began writing. Genevieve pressed her lips together and put her pen back in the ink pot.

"I'm serious, these kids aren't learning," she continued. "At least consider it, Severus. The students are leaving for break today, we can do it before the Christmas party tonight that Dumbledore decided to throw for whatever reason. Merlin help us, a party with McGonagall and Flitwick sounds incredibly strange and perhaps a little sad."

"I wasn't going," he announced back without looking up from the exam he was grading. "My tolerance for them while I'm sober is quite thin, I don't think I'd be able to hold my tongue while drunk."

"Mm, that's a sight I'd like to see," she teased. Genevieve sighed before resuming grading, taking her time going every little error and writing a thoughtful note at the end of encouragement and further advice on how to do better when term resumed. She thought that if Severus was hindering their ability to learn with his overwhelming curriculum and strict methods of teaching that she could somehow counteract that with tips and tutoring sessions.

It took several hours for her to finish, but she was proud of herself for making the effort to compensate for all the time she had lost while sleeping with the meaningful notes for the students. When she got up to slap the stack down on the corner of Snape's desk, she leaned over where he was working. "I'm making you come to the party tonight if it's the last thing I do, Severus. I want to see you all cleaned up and sharp."

"You're crazy, you know that? Why do you want to go to begin with?" Severus finished grading the last exam before piling the stack of parchments together and sorting them into a specific filing cabinet. "I doubt it's for the alcohol. You don't strike me as a drinker."

"You're right. I'm a lightweight so it always ends badly," she confessed. She sat on the edge of his desk and reached out to grab his hands, squeezing them. "I think you should come with me, anyways. You need to eat something that's _real_ and not a snack in between grading and whatever else you do when I'm not around. Plus you need actual human interaction that's not sixteen year old girls who are scared shitless of you or an annoying teaching aide."

"You're not annoying," he defended, bringing her hands to his lips softly. Genevieve's stomach fluttered and she held her breath, confused by the sensation. Severus furrowed his brows and promptly dropped her hands. "I'm sorry."

"N-no," she stuttered as she blinked a few times. Her heart refused to calm down, however, and her brain was fogged with whatever emotion it was that she could not name. "Nothing to be sorry for, I just wasn't expecting it."

"I won't do it again," he whispered. Pausing for a moment to gather his thoughts, Severus licked his lips and nervously asked, "What are you wearing tonight?"

That question made her heart flutter even harder and she reached back to grab his hands. This time, she rested both of their hands in her lap and stroked his knuckles with her thumbs. "I have a nice blouse and a skirt I haven't worn in a while, I was thinking about that with a sweater for backup since I get cold all the time."

"Maybe I'll go, then," he admitted with a half-hearted smile. He glanced up at the clock and cleared his throat, pulling his hands back as he did so. "The students should be leaving for the train now, perhaps we should go do what is required of us for once."

"Pity," she responded as she hopped off his desk. Grabbing her wand and thick jacket, she made her way over to the door. "Are you coming, Severus?"

Snape grabbed his cloak and wand, sighing as he followed the young witch. "You are incredibly impatient, you know that right?"

"Oh I know," she laughed as she shrugged into her jacket, zipping it up and shoving her wand into one of the deep pockets. Snape did the same with his cloak and the pair made their way towards the front entrance of the castle where all the students were gathering. As they walked through the corridors, the professor's fingers lightly grazed those of Genevieve's, and she grabbed his hand without a second thought. They were warm, and hers were extremely cold. Her acceptance of his simple touch made Snape's heart flit.

"I hope you all have a wonderful holiday." McGonagall was saying her farewells to her students, hugging a few of them as they left. She smiled upon seeing Severus and Genevieve, her eyes drifted to their intertwined fingers. It warmed her heart.

"It's nice of you to finally join us for something," the Transfigurations professor teased. "Severus, you and Pomona are on duty to walk the students to the train this year. Genevieve, you're free to stay or if you'd like to go with him you can. We're just starting to organize Christmas party activities in the Great Hall if you would prefer that, too."

"I think I'll go say goodbye to my students. I'm going to miss them," she answered. Severus looked down at her and squeezed her hand before pulling away, making his way through the snow and towards the train station with his cloak barreling behind him. When Genevieve finished her conversation with her mentor, she huffed and turned to follow him, slightly irritated with how fast he was walking.

"Severus," she whined as she caught up to him. Severus paused to wait for her, his cloak dramatically halting behind him. She wiggled her fingers back into his, sighing at the warmth that it brought and leaned against his shoulder as they continued walking. It was moments like these that she really appreciated how he always ran a little warmer and how he tolerated her need to be close to him.

As the pair arrived at the train station, Genevieve broke away from Severus once again and ran over to hug some of the first years she had gotten to know, wishing them a wonderful holiday and expressing her excitement to see them once again. Snape watched from the background; he was not fond of many students, maybe one or two, but even then he was not as warm with them as Genevieve was with the majority of her students. He envied that in a way; he just wasn't comfortable expressing himself like that. He appreciated the way she had always validated him, but often disciplined him to not insult the students. It had started to work over the last few weeks.

The train took off quickly once the doors had shut and Genevieve's eyes caught those of Harry Potter sitting with his friends. She offered a soft smile but stepped back beside Severus as the Hogwarts Express pulled out of the station. "It always amazes me how good you are with students," he commented softly. "I know you were young but... you would have made an amazing mother."

"I don't think I could ever be one," she admitted as she looked up at him. She instinctively pushed his dark hair out of his eyes. "Besides, I made the decision that was right for me."

"I know you did, and I respect it," he acknowledged, looping his arm with hers as the pair made their way back towards the castle. Pomona trailed in front of them, not really taking into consideration the gossiping duo behind her. "I just think you'd have been good at it. Kind, loving, that's all."

"Thank you," she whispered.

* * *

Severus hated social gatherings. He hated the Yule Ball with his entire being and unfortunately always had to chaperone that, but the pain of that event never compared to the annual staff Christmas party. He rarely went; the rest of the teaching staff understood and knew why, but this year they were surprised when he walked in the door to sit down with them. Some Muggle music was playing, which he found odd, but remembered that there were quite a few half-bloods who were raised in the Muggle world attending their little party.

"You should drink a little, Severus," McGonagall called out. "She's going to be coming any minute. We know that's who you're waiting for."

Severus's cheeks turned a light pink and he grumbled as he got himself something to drink. The Transfigurations professor's comment threw him off guard and he became increasingly more uncomfortable when he realized that the rest of the teaching staff knew who he was waiting for as well. Yet, it wasn't obvious to him why. His thoughts did go immediately to Genevieve, however; he truthfully had never felt more nervous in his life than he did in that moment. His stomach churned and he felt incredibly nauseous, so he started downing alcohol like it was water in an attempt to rein in whatever emotions he could not put a finger on.

As speculated earlier that day, Severus had cleaned up nicely. He wasn't inherently as unkempt as he could be, but typically the professor was a lot less put together besides his nice clothes. He made an extra effort that evening, especially after making the conscious choice to go to the Christmas party despite not really wanting to. He just wanted to see Genevieve. His hair was tidy and his clothes smooth and wrinkle free. He really attempted to look nice, so when Genevieve entered the Great Hall wearing that blouse and skirt she had talked about earlier, he was thankful he had cleaned himself up and that he had already had a drink. She seemed perfect.

"I love being late to things," she laughed as she greeted everyone. She was particularly interested in McGonagall and embraced her tightly before moving onto verbal greetings to the rest of the professors. They had been mindlessly conversing about the exams they had graded and some of them had asked her to do some more review sessions with the students when they came back from break. She agreed and moved towards Severus who was seated a few feet away from the social traffic.

"You look so handsome," she purred as she sat beside him, reaching to adjust the buttons on his collar. "You do clean up nicely, Professor."

Severus couldn't really speak in that moment with his brain fogged, but his pupils were completely dilated as he once again scanned her appearance. "You're radiant," he said gently, pushing some of her dark hair over her shoulder.

"I see you've already had some to drink," she responded softly, pushing his hair out of his face. "You already reek of alcohol, but I take it you're not a lightweight. You definitely aren't drunk."

"No," he added with a half-smile. "I'm not a lightweight. I'm still very much sober just... relaxed, I suppose."

"Well, I'm going to get something to drink and I'll probably end up talking to some of the other professors for a little bit. Do you want another drink so you can muster the courage to actually socialize about something other than school, or would you prefer I grab the books in my bag?"

"You brought books?" he laughed softly as he met her eyes. She laughed alongside him and nodded, adjusting her sleeves.

"I did," she admitted. "Mainly for you though. I know you're not good at these things, but I do like spending time with you. And everyone else, of course, but particularly you. I really appreciate that you came."

Snape didn't know what to say and just pressed his lips together in a forced smile. Genevieve caressed his jaw softly with the back of her index finger before getting up to grab herself a drink. She mingled with the professors a little more and always took shifts to attend to Severus. Only when he was intoxicated did he join in on the fun.

"We told you that bringing in Genevieve would be a good thing, Severus," Sybill laughed as she took another sip of her firewhisky. Severus sat in a chair beside the long teachers' table in the Great Hall, and Genevieve sat on top of it as the rest of the professors raised a glass and took a drink. "Look how happy she's made you. We're not blind, you know. We can see it."

"There's nothing to see," he said defensively. The Divination professor laughed at his comment, the irony not reaching his mind yet. Genevieve chuckled under her breath and rested a hand on his upper back, twirling some of the hair at the nape of his neck.

"There are literally things to be seen," Sybill continued. The rest of the staff seemed to catch on to her Divinations joke, but Severus was unamused. He did settle, however, when he felt Genevieve's fingers raking gently through his hair.

"Perhaps some veritaserum could bring it out, Sybill," Pomona teased alongside her. Genevieve couldn't help but laugh but stopped when she saw how uptight Snape was getting.

"Okay, okay," Genevieve defended. "Let's leave him alone."

"Such a serious man." McGonagall clicked her tongue and Dumbledore laughed alongside the group, shaking his head at the comment. If there was one word that could describe Severus Snape, it would be serious. The second would probably be spiteful.

The group chatted and laughed amongst each other until everyone had sufficient enough alcohol to be either drunk or borderline drunk. Genevieve didn't have more than a drink or two because she knew her limits, but Severus was a little past gone. She stood after a while, completely sure she had paced herself accordingly, but she swayed a little. Realizing how hard the alcohol had begun to hit, she leaned onto Severus for support. He did not hesitate to steady her.

"Okay, I need to head back to my quarters. I'm going to help Severus back too because he is definitely drunk and won't say anything. Goodnight everyone, and have a good holiday."

Genevieve stumbled a bit as the two walked back towards the wing with the staff's quarters. Severus, slightly more coordinated than her, helped her keep her steady as they walked. She was giggling all the way to the point where her knees were weak from the constant laughter. Snape could not help but crack a drunken smile and kept a hand on her lower back to steady her as they rounded the corner.

Coming from this side of the castle, Severus's quarters came before hers and he sighed as he tried walking past it to bring Genevieve to hers. "What are you doing?" she grumbled. "I can take care of myself. Go to bed, Severus."

"I just want to make sure you get back okay," he defended himself. But as she halted in her tracks, she stomped her foot and leaned against the door frame of his quarters.

"I'm a grown woman capable of taking care of myself," she retorted. "Whether I'm drunk or not. Go to bed, Severus."

"Merlin, I know," he grumbled. Though hesitantly, he finally turned on his heels to walk back to his quarters, waving his wand so that it unlocked. He opened the door as she leaned into the doorway. "Goodnight, Genevieve." His voice was soft, merely a whisper.

"Wait," she said suddenly just as he was going to close the door. Genevieve could not tell whether it was her anxiety, the loneliness she felt, or how comfortable Severus made her, but when he turned to face her once again she pulled him down by the collar of his shirt so that her lips met his.

Snape was taken aback by the kiss, but upon registering what was happening, he cupped her jaw in his hands and deepened it. The woman was not expecting that and her heart picked up in excitement as he pulled her back into his quarters. She kicked the door shut, her slender fingers immediately going to work on the buttons of his shirt but fumbled over them due to her intoxication. Her breath caught in her throat as he lifted her onto the counter of his small kitchen and she finally succeeded at pushing his shirt off his shoulders.

"Severus," she moaned into his mouth. Snape struggled to untuck her blouse from her skirt, grumbling as he finally loosened it. His warm hands slid underneath it and the sensation felt like electricity along Genevieve's skin as he trailed wet kisses down her throat. Her heart was skipping beats now and her stomach fluttered, her eyes shut and her head leaning back against the cupboards. Her brain was completely fogged by the alcohol and the feeling of his hands on her body was not making that any less prominent.

With a swift movement, Severus pulled her blouse over her head and his fingers found their way to the clasp of her bra. He removed it hastily and slid it off her shoulders, letting the garment hit the floor. His eyes scanned her exposed body as he continued removing her clothes, though the difficulties of the counter wouldn't allow him to remove her skirt or panties. He groaned in frustration and lifted her in his arms so that he could carry her over to his bed; he laid her back against the thick, dark duvet, and grew excited at how she looked beneath him. She stared up at him, her eyes darkened with lust, and she used her feet to pull him close to her again. She unbuckled his belt and undid his trousers, using that moment to catch her breath. Snape watched her with lazy eyes, the sight of her smeared lipstick and chest rising completely enticing to the man.

As his trousers hit the floor, he yanked her closer to the end of the bed by her ankle as he unzipped the side of her skirt and pulled it down her legs. She gasped at the quick movement, the feeling of his hands sliding down her thighs as he removed her panties, making her back arch. It was very obvious to Severus how responsive she was which provided him the remaining boost of confidence the alcohol could not give him and he used that ounce of courage to pull her legs up around his hips. Genevieve inhaled sharply as he did so, pulling him down into a rough kiss.

"Fuck me," she pleaded drunkenly against his lips as their kiss deepened. She cupped his face in her hands and he moaned softly into her mouth as his hands rested on either side of her head. "Please, Severus."

The sound of her begging for him made his cock throb and his breath catch in his throat, and she moved her hips up, desperate for any type of friction. He irritably pressed her hips down into the mattress at her lazy attempt and stood up, pulling her legs over his shoulders as he did so. Her eyes met his as she breathed heavily; she was shaking with anticipation now. "Please," she begged.

Severus took a moment to line his hips up with hers, but entered her with a swift thrust. She moaned loudly in response and he paused to let her adjust before setting a pace for the both of them. With her legs over his shoulders, the angle of his thrusts met that sweet spot she desperately needed him to hit. The sound of her moans progressively growing in volume elicited low groans from Snape's throat and he quickened his pace. Genevieve squirmed beneath him and gripped the duvet with her fists, her legs trembling.

"Harder," she begged. "Merlin Severus, please. Harder."

The request made his stomach flutter and he obliged. Snape gripped her hips harshly, forcing them to meet his every thrust. The way she was a whimpering mess beneath him was probably the most attractive thing he had ever seen and it did not take long until he felt his finish near. Genevieve, on the other hand, was quick to reach her orgasm. She tensed around him as he continued thrusting hard, and with a sudden gasp, her back arched and she moaned loudly as she came. The added pleasure was enough to make Severus fall over the edge, and with one last thrust he came deep inside her.

Both Genevieve and Severus were out of breath and sweaty when he collapsed next to her, exhausted from their quick little endeavor. The two did not speak; it was a mixture of not really knowing what happened and the alcohol making it hard for them to process. But within minutes Genevieve had fallen asleep against his duvet, Snape not too far behind her.


	8. PART EIGHT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: vanilla smut, trauma responses to yelling

The pounding headache that Genevieve woke up with was enough to convince her to never drink again. As she opened her eyes and adjusted to the sun shining through the room, she realized that she was not in her own bed nor was she wearing any clothes. As she blinked the sleep out of her eyes, she further realized that she was not alone in the bed, but that Severus was asleep next to her. Panic quickly shot through her and she sat up alarmingly, bringing the duvet to her chest. Things had obviously escalated and her cheeks were flushed pink as she remembered bits and pieces of what had happened last night. She wasn't sure how it ended up like this, but she was incredibly certain that she had sex with Severus... and it was _really_ good.

As the reality of last night's endeavor settled in her brain and she accepted that it happened, she laid back down and watched the dark haired man sleep. She pushed his hair out of his face, enjoying how peaceful he looked when he wasn't so worried or tense. It was a nice change of pace. The subtle affection made him stir and he exhaled slowly as his eyes drifted open. The way the morning sun illuminated the room made Genevieve seem incredibly angelic to Snape and his eyes drifted back shut as he opened his arms. She crawled into them without a second thought and the two of them laid there for what seemed like forever as they coped with their headaches and nausea.

"I'll never drink again," she muttered to him quietly as she broke the silence. Snape grinned and pressed a soft kiss on her shoulder before he turned to bury his face back into the pillows, clearly sensitive to the light. Genevieve looked around for her wand and did not find it, sighing as she got up to manually close the curtains. "You should get up and eat something, Severus."

Once the brightness of the room had been controlled, Snape turned back over to face his teaching aide and sighed. "I'm not hungry," he responded. He beckoned her over as he sat up, and she didn't hesitate to slide back into his lap. The truth was, his brain was still foggy with thoughts of her and about their endeavor from the night before. He still felt unsatisfied and his hands trailed down over her hips.

"You are, just not for food," she noted as she tilted his chin up to look her in the eyes. His eyes were still incredibly hazy and she enjoyed how easily it was to get him into the mood. She kissed the underside of his jaw, excited by the low groan that came from his throat, before she moved towards his ear. "Am I right, Severus?"

The sound of her soft voice in his ear made his eyes drift shut and he swallowed hard, slightly annoyed with how his body betrayed him. Genevieve's hand drifted down and she teasingly brushed her fingertips over his now hard cock as she kissed his throat. "You're playing with fire," he responded sharply.

Snape's hand immediately came to grasp the base of her throat, forcing her to look at him. "But I don't remember saying you were in charge, pretty girl."

Genevieve gasped at the swift movement and her hands immediately dropped to her side as she met his eyes. They were now darkened with lust, and she knew this would be much more fun now that they were completely sober. "I'm sorry," she whimpered. "I'll be good."

"I know you will," he purred as his free hand trailed down between her thighs, fingers stroking between her legs. "Look how much of a mess you are and we haven't done anything yet."

"Please," she begged. Severus kissed her lips softly, his tongue carefully tracing the base of her bottom lip. He released her throat as she opened her mouth and deepened the kiss, her gentle hands caressing his face as she did so. He pulled her closer to him by her waist, his hands sliding down to grope her ass. She moaned lowly.

"Please what? Use your words, pretty girl, tell me what you want." The use of the pet name made her stomach flutter and she paused to think about what she wanted to say. Truthfully, she was a little shy and communication during sex was not a skill she was good at. Nobody had ever stopped to ask her what she wanted.

"I don't know," she admitted, her hands falling back on her lap. She was a lot more gentle now and the change of tone caused Severus to pause and check in with her immediately. He withdrew his hands from her body and blinked a few times.

"Well, what feels good?" he asked in a similar tone, pushing her dark hair over her shoulder. "We can do whatever feels good, or nothing at all, it's your choice."

Genevieve's cheeks flushed a soft pink color. She truly appreciated his sentiment, but could not draw on something that sounded enticing in that moment. When she didn't respond, he added, "How about we have a safe word? That way if you don't like it, we can stop."

The way the young witch brightened at that made Severus feel a lot better about the situation. Part of him wondered exactly what, or more specifically _who_ , had made her so afraid to speak up about what she wanted. "I like that idea."

"How about we use red?" he asked, stroking her cheek with the back of his hand. She furrowed her brows as she thought about it before she nodded. "I know it's not really unique but it's the first thing I could think of."

"I like that one," Genevieve responded. Her hands carefully cupped his face and she kissed him softly, sighing into his mouth as his hands traveled up. He rested one on her lower back as he deepened the kiss, the other painstakingly teasing her thigh. She moved her hips in an attempt to get friction, but was irritated when he steadied her.

"So eager," he clicked his tongue as his fingertips grazed her pussy. She stopped moving as he continued to tease her, moving his fingers back and forth as he stroked her. "Can't you control yourself, pretty girl?"

"Yes, Professor," she sighed, her breath caught in her throat. Her eyes drifted shut and her legs shook at the subtle touch. Severus grinned as he kissed the base of her throat, dragging his teeth across her soft skin.

"That's my good girl," he purred as he kissed down to her collarbone. "Why don't you lay back and spread your legs for me a little, princess?"

Genevieve's stomach fluttered and she did as she was told, her heart pounding against her chest. She watched with sleepy eyes as Severus got down on his knees beside the bed, pulling her hips towards the edge of the mattress. Her heart skipped a beat and her chest heaved as he planted gentle kisses along her inner thighs. She was trembling with anticipation at this point, her hands reaching out to rake through his dark hair.

Snape dragged his tongue slowly up her pussy, torturously drawing out her pleasure. Genevieve's breath caught in her throat as he teased her, growing immensely impatient with the way he swirled his tongue so slowly around her clit. He kept her steady with his arms wrapped around her thighs as he pinned her where she was, her legs spread and her hips fixed in place against the mattress. Genevieve moaned lowly, her chest heaving as he carefully increased his pace.

"Fuck," she breathed as her back arched. She tugged a little at his hair as she did so, chewing on the inside of her cheek as his tongue explored her. Severus took this as encouragement to pick up his pace, pulling her pussy further into his face if that were possible. Genevieve gasped and released his hair as she switched to gripping the duvet, her thighs trembling. Both of them were aware of how close she was and Snape took that as a cue to insert a finger into her. That elicited a louder moan as she squirmed, and he forced her to take a second finger, and then a third.

"Severus, please," she whimpered as he curled his fingers up, his tongue still swirling around her clit at the pace he acknowledged as pleasurable for her. He used his free hand to push down on the top of her hips to keep her steady and sucked on her clit one last time as she came hard, squirting as she did so. She practically screamed, her toes curled and body squirming.

It was somewhat of a surprise to Severus, but he kept with his pace until she had settled, his tongue eagerly lapping up every last drop. When he withdrew his fingers and she collapsed against the bed, he inhaled sharply as he tried to catch his breath.

"Merlin," he said as he sat back on his heels. His face was soaked from the tip of his nose down to his chin and he used the back of his hand to wipe it off. "Do it again. Get up."

Genevieve immediately did what she was told and got up on her knees, gasping as Severus roughly turned her around and shoved her down into the mattress. Her face was pressed into the dark sheets with her ass in the air and he carefully kept her there with his hand on her shoulder as he pressed the head of his cock to her slick entrance. She moaned and moved back against him as he thrust into her, this time being way too overcome with his own pleasure to start slow. The entire bed rocked beneath them and Genevieve kept her arms stretched beside her as he ruthlessly pounded into her, her moans becoming increasingly louder.

"Fuck," Severus growled, guiding her hips over his cock. Genevieve was close again and tensed around him as he continued to fuck her. His grip tightened on her hips. "You're close, pretty girl, I can feel it, but you're not allowed to. Not until I say."

Genevieve's cheeks turned a bright red and she screwed her eyes shut. "Please, Severus," she pleaded as he quickened the pace. She was a whimpering mess beneath him now. Her fists balled the sheets and sweat slicked down the curve of her back. "I'll be a good girl, I promise. Fuck me how you want to but let me come, please."

The sound of her begging made Severus's heart rate pick up and he continued with the same pace he had set, his moans becoming louder and his grip on her becoming hard enough to bruise her. She was shaking beneath him now, the bed's creaking a steady background noise to their panting. The sweet little noises that came from her throat were enough to push Severus over the edge and with a low moan he commanded, "Come now."

She did not hesitate and came immediately, and as she had before, squirted. Severus continued to fuck her hard as he came too, moaning as she tensed deliciously around him. He remained that way for a few moments as he filled her with his cum before he pulled out and let go of her hips. His eyes were hazy as he watched her collapse against the mattress, the sight of his cum dripping down her thighs and the aftermath of her squirting probably the most attractive thing he had seen.

As both of them came down from their high, Genevieve turned over to face him and watched with curious eyes as he summoned a towel and began cleaning her up. Her stomach fluttered at the simple gesture and once he had sopped up the remainder of their fluids, she made grabby hands at him. "Lay down with me."

Snape didn't fight her request and simply laid next to her, his eyes following the curvature of her prominent facial features. She appeared to be in a daze, her eyes half closed as she traced the length of his jaw with her thumb. "We need to talk about this," Severus said after a moment.

"I know," Genevieve sighed. She sat up to look at him better, tucking her messy hair behind her ears as she did so. He looked up at her and cupped her face in his hands as he kissed her sweetly. She returned it with the same ounce of intent and pushed his hair out of his face. "Where do you want to start?"

There was a pause as Severus tried to gather his thoughts. They both knew that he was not good at naming emotions or comfortable talking about them, and it took him quite a while to even form a coherent train of thought. Genevieve kissed his forehead and stroked his hair as a way to encourage him and to show he was safe, but when he didn't respond it worried her.

"Would you like me to go first?" she asked softly. He nodded, resting his head against her shoulder. "I'm extremely fond of you and I like the time we've spent together. I trust you and I'm extremely glad that you trust me because whatever this is I want to see where it goes. You are a very complex man and I've only really uncovered the surface. I want to know you more. This can be as literal as you'd like, or if you just... want _something else_ , I'm okay with that too."

"If that _something else_ you're alluding to is your body, I don't want just that," he responded without a second thought. "You are more than beautiful and of course I'm going to constantly be thinking about how incredibly attractive you are but I value you for more than that. I feel.. alive? When you talk to me, I feel like I'm an actual person."

"Oh, Severus," Genevieve sighed as she pulled him against her chest. The thought of him being treated as less than human made her entire existence numb for that short moment. She closed her eyes as she stroked the back of his head. "Let's explore this, whatever it is. How does that sound?"

Snape could only nod as his eyes drifted shut. It had become obvious to Genevieve in that moment that today would be an extremely lazy day, but she wouldn't have chosen any other way to spend the first day of their holiday.

* * *

"Tell me you're not on your way there," Genevieve said sternly into the phone. She was calmly seated in the armchair in the common room of her quarters before she stood, irritation and anger immediately rising in her tone.

Severus was sitting on the sofa reading a book, growing increasingly uncomfortable with the tone of her voice and the ominous way she moved about. She stood and began pacing back and forth as she spoke into the phone, but once the argument had reached a more intense level she switched over to Dutch. It was a common occurrence over the last week and the arguing was unnerving to the professor, though he didn't understand what was happening. His translation charms were rusty and it felt wrong to listen in.

Several minutes passed before Genevieve slammed the phone down on the table and ran her fingers through her hair in frustration. The abrupt movement made Severus jump and he squeezed his eyes shut, attempting to fight back the tears welling in his eyes. He closed his book and put it down, chewing on the inside of his cheek in an attempt to self-soothe. It took Genevieve way too long to realize what had happened, but when she saw the look on Snape's face, she swore to herself.

"Severus," she said gently as she knelt in front of the sofa. She took his hands in her own and began doing as she usually did, alternating the hands in which she squeezed, and offered breathing exercises. He tried his best to keep up with them but tears slid down his cheeks anyways. Genevieve's heart tightened in her chest and she dropped her voice to a soft whisper. "Hey, can you look at me, my darling?"

Snape hesitated to look up at her, but when he did and was met with kindness, he loosened up a little bit. She kissed his hands softly as he started coming out of one of his panic attacks, pressing them to the warmth of her cheeks to show him she was there. "You're safe, Severus," she repeated softly. "Nobody is going to hurt you."

"Who were you yelling at?" he asked in a small voice as he blinked back the rest of his tears. "You were speaking Dutch again, was it your mother?"

Genevieve pressed her lips together and didn't respond, instead rubbing the backs of his hands with her thumbs. "Do you want to talk about what happened? I've noticed it happens a lot when I'm... erratic."

"I don't like loud noises or movements," he mumbled.

"I could gather that much, my darling," she stated gently. "Can we talk about what your triggers are so I can filter my behavior and words? I don't think we can effectively build ourselves when I keep pushing you away like this when I behave differently than you're used to."

"Yelling," he murmured brokenly. His voice was almost inarticulate and he refused to meet her eyes, even after he had begun breathing normally. "When you move too fast, even when you're trying to be gentle if I don't expect it I get scared."

"Thank you for telling me," she said gently. She leaned up and kissed his forehead, cupping his face in her hands as he wiped the tears streaming down his face with her thumbs. "Let me make you some tea, okay?"

"Is it about your father?" he pressed after a moment. Genevieve exhaled deeply at his repetitive inquiry about her family situation. He knew that her father was out of Azkaban, but she didn't say anything else about what was going on. She should have known he was too curious for his own good, but she still didn't really know what to say.

"Yes, it's about my father," she admitted as she stood up. She made her way over to the small kitchen across the way and began pouring water into the kettle to boil. "He's out of Azkaban. He was a Death Eater and he got time taken off his sentence for every name he gave up."

"It's only been 10 years," Snape said bluntly. "Death Eaters get a life-sentence, how many names did he give up?"

"Hundreds. And now he has a target on his back, which puts a target on my back and my mother's back. My mother is on her way to see him right now." As she waited for the water to boil, she got out cups from the cupboard and lined them with tea bags.

"You hate your father." Severus turned his body to face her as she made the tea, sighing when he saw how uptight the conversation made her. She had never really admitted that to him before, but it was something he had picked up on. "Why?"

Genevieve paused what she was doing and turned to face him, gripping her fists tightly. Tears welled in her eyes and she blinked them back aggressively. "He killed my brother."


	9. PART NINE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: mention of self-harm

As the holiday ended and term resumed, students flooded back to the Hogwarts castle bustling with newfound energy and enthusiasm for the rest of term. It warmed Genevieve to see the excitement come back into her students' faces and was eager to see how their holidays went. There was a new glow to her face since she and Severus had agreed to explore their emotions, but she had this mental disconnect from what was going on involving her father and Snape fed off of that anxiously. He had taken it personally and was wary of upsetting her, afraid that she would lash out. It had never happened and of course it was irrational, but he was walking on eggshells around her. The apparent gridlock hindered their communication slightly and they were both uncertain of how to proceed. They did take it one day at a time, however, and made the attempt not to go to bed with unresolved issues.

That evening in particular, Severus was struggling mentally with the resumption of the term. Harry Potter and his friends looked rejuvenated; being their teacher, Genevieve had checked in with them about their holiday. She learned that Harry had spent time with the Weasleys and that Hermione had visited which warmed her heart. They asked about her holiday, and all she could muster was that she visited her mother in the Muggle world. It was a lie, though she was beyond upset with her mother and had spent the whole time with Severus... in his bed.

As the day's classes came to an end, the Hogwarts population made their way to the Great Hall for dinner, where they socialized in their own little bubbles. Professors talked amongst one another about their holidays, some attempting to start conversation with Genevieve, but she was very dismissive and stood her ground with not wanting to talk. She was polite of course, but completely avoided any attempt at small-talk. Severus appeared completely dissociated from his surroundings, and without saying a word, Genevieve slid her hand into his under the table. She followed his line of sight, sighing when she realized it rested on Harry Potter and his friends.

"What do you think is going on between Professor Snape and Miss de Keyser?" Ron asked his group of friends. Harry looked up and met Snape's glare, Hermione slapping his arm.

"You absolute idiot, why did you look?" she grumbled. "It's rude to stare, and it's none of our business what is going on with them. I just think it's nice that he fancies her."

"How do you know he fancies her? She's a Gryffindor, is she not?" Ron asked as he glanced up again. This time, he met Genevieve's eyes and she raised a brow at him. He gulped. "Never mind, I think I know why."

"She's not as intense as she looks," Hermione admitted as she pushed her food around on her plate. "She's quite nice and a very good resource. I'm glad Dumbledore brought her in."

"She's good for you," Ron retorted. "You love school. But she's involved with Snape and that's questionable, haven't you seen how he sneaks around?"

"You may not like Snape," Hermione started. She sighed and glanced up at the teachers' table, finding that Genevieve had turned her body in to face Snape. She was cupping his jaw and her thumb stroked his cheek. "But Miss de Keyser is good for him. You can tell. I think it's sweet, their love."

"I don't think they're in love," Harry admitted as he took a bite of his food. "I don't think Snape is capable of that."

"He softens when she touches him," Hermione pointed out. This time the trio turned their heads, and Hermione sighed and slapped them both. "Stop looking! He loves her, and it's quite obvious to me. But I don't think she's noticed yet."

"I think I figured out what he's looking for," Harry said. Ron and Hermione turned towards him, their attention piqued with their arms tucked under them as they leaned forwards to listen in. "The Sorcerer's Stone. I think that's what Fluffy is guarding and that's why Snape was limping around Halloween. I think he's trying to get it."

"What is that? Why would he want it?" Hermione took a bite of her food and Ron sipped his water. "It doesn't make sense."

"For You-Know-Who," Harry whispered. "I think Snape is working for him. It has to be Snape. He jinxed my broom back in October and he's ridiculously cruel. He has to be against me."

Snape and Genevieve muttered something inaudible to one another and Ron watched as they excused themselves, their fingers intertwined as they made their way back towards the wing with the potions laboratory. He snickered under his breath as Fred and George elbowed him in the side.

"Looks like Snape is going to shag her," George teased. Fred grinned stupidly.

"Good for him, she's hot," his twin responded, and Ron jabbed them back as Harry laughed under his breath. Hermione slapped all of their arms in pure horror.

"You're disgusting," she huffed. She turned her attention back to Harry and Ron and pressed her lips together. "So, what are we going to do?"

"We're going to find the Stone, obviously."

* * *

"What's going on with you?" Genevieve said softly as she stroked his head. The pair were now laying on the sofa in Snape's office, his head against her chest as her fingers raked through his dark hair. His arms were wrapped around her waist and a blanket was draped on top of them. "You're worrying me, Severus."

"I don't know," he admitted, his voice small. Genevieve sighed and kissed his head, moving her free hand to rub circles along his upper back.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" she continued. Snape nodded and closed his eyes, basking in the gentle affection that she was giving him. It felt nice to Severus to be able to relax in that moment after witnessing how high strung she was over the last month. "You're safe, Severus. I promise you are, and I'm not going anywhere."

"I.. get nervous," he mumbled, his voice almost inaudible. Genevieve paused from petting his head, her hands now relaxed against him. She furrowed her brows as she sorted through her brain, attempting to remember something, anything that alluded to any sort of anxiety. Severus paused as he mustered the courage to continue, licking his lips as he thought. His heart was racing in his chest. "When you get.. angry."

"I'm not angry," she soothed gently as she kissed the top of his head. "Not at you, and not at us."

"I know," he sighed. He leaned up and buried his face in the crook of her neck, enjoying the warmth of her body. Genevieve reached her arms around him and held him tightly against her chest. "But it's... different. When you're angry at other people it makes me nervous."

"Perhaps we can find a way for you to disassociate my anger towards other people from anger towards you," she offered. Snape didn't respond, unsure what that meant, but pressed a soft kiss to her jaw. She cracked a half-hearted grin and kissed his head. "When I'm angry at my mother that doesn't mean I'm upset with you and I'm sorry if that translates into how I interact with you."

"Thank you," Severus mumbled as he rested against her. Genevieve had gotten used to how soft he became once he trusted her; it was like night and day with him. He let his guard down a little more each day, she noticed, and it was reassuring to know that he was becoming comfortable with her. But she knew this was the off switch to the rigid demeanor he fronted when he needed to bottle up his trauma. "I'm sorry about your mother."

"It's okay," Genevieve sighed as she resumed stroking the back of his head. She pressed her lips together and blinked back the tears that were welling in her eyes. She attempted to swallow the lump that was rising in her throat but couldn't. With her voice faltering, she said, "I can't make good choices for her, she has to make them herself."

"But it bothers you anyways," Snape responded. He sat up to look at her, exhaling through his mouth as he watched tears stream down her face. "Oh, pretty girl," he cooed. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really," she voiced brokenly. "Can we just relax for a little bit? Like we are? No talking, I just want to spend time with you before things start getting hectic with term and I don't see you as much."

"We can do whatever you'd like," he said as he tilted her chin up to meet his eyes. He kissed her tears away softly, peppering little kisses across her soft skin until he met her lips. Genevieve sighed into the kiss and cupped his face in her hands, basking in this soft moment.

* * *

As relaxed and vulnerable as Severus was around Genevieve, his brutal honesty and ability to command a classroom without any insolence was still quite evident and a skill he could easily bring to the surface. He had begun to rein in the insults he hurdled towards the students in Genevieve's desperate plea to get him to be nicer, but his spiteful demeanor and ominous presence remained. Though she primarily taught the morning classes, Genevieve still sat in on the afternoon ones since she was still required to assist him per her job title and she kept him in check with his attitude. That class in particular was tough for him, though.

The upperclassmen level potions class for sixth and seventh years was quite small since it was an considered an elective, but even after several years of being taught by Professor Snape there were still students who stepped out of line, recklessly ignoring the deduction of House points and any repercussions of their behavior. A group of Gryffindor boys outrageously walked into the room gossiping a little too loud, and it was obvious to everyone in the room that they were talking about Genevieve and Severus. Genevieve felt her heart drop to her stomach and prayed silently that they would quiet down before Severus entered the room, but any faith she held in that faded when he slammed the door. His cloak barreled behind him as he made his way to the podium.

As the group of boys continued making remarks, Snape turned his attention towards them long enough to hear the phrase _...de Keyser, you know, his whore_. He slammed his hands down on the podium, projecting his voice as he said, "I would hold your tongue, Mr. Hansen. Continue with your outrageous lies and accusations again and you will be on that damn train home, do you hear me? I couldn't give a shit about what McGonagall has to say about that. 100 points from Gryffindor and a month's detention. Get out of my classroom."

"We all know it's true," the Gryffindor boy shot back. "Don't deny it, Professor."

"I said get out of my classroom you pathetic excuse of a boy," Snape said a bit sterner. When the boy didn't move, he practically shouted. "Get out!"

The tone of his voice made the entire class jump and they turned to the page as required in their syllabus while the Gryffindor boy left the room swiftly. Genevieve closed her eyes and pressed her lips together, pretending that she didn't just see that or hear his insult. In that moment she truthfully had more of a problem with how Snape reacted than what the student had said about her. She would process that later. Rumors could be stopped and instigators could be punished, but the trauma of being yelled at by a teacher couldn't be undone.

The class was absolutely silent as they brewed Polyjuice Potion and nobody raised their hand for assistance. Genevieve decided to get up and walk around anyway, side-eyeing the way Severus stood at the podium with his forehead pressed into his palms. The students in this class did tremendous work and she constantly was applauding them, but today felt extremely slow and she could understand why all of them were so eager to leave. Even she didn't recognize Snape.

As the hour came to an end, Genevieve made her way to the front of the room where Snape was still seething through his teeth. She placed a hand on his arm and carefully grabbed his hands, bringing them to her face. "Look at me for a second, Severus," she said calmly. When he refused to meet her eyes, she sighed and forced him to with her index finger. "I'm not offended."

"It's disgusting," he hissed. "What made them think it was fucking okay to say those things?"

"It's not exactly a secret what we're doing, Severus," Genevieve whispered. "The students see us holding hands all the time, and I'm sure at least McGonagall and Dumbledore know. But because we haven't labeled anything, they're not saying anything. The children are speculating, and yes they're being rude and disrespectful, but they're Gryffindors. Let McGonagall handle them. Breathe, my darling."

Severus did as she recommended and took that moment to breathe, feeling slightly better as she guided him through the same breathing exercises she always did. She reached up slowly and caressed his face, standing on her toes to kiss the middle of his forehead. "They're not exactly wrong, though. I _am_ your whore."

"Don't tempt me, woman," he grumbled under his breath. "I've too many things to do."

"Shame," she clicked her tongue. She stepped back to collect the brew bottles the students had left on the back counter, putting them in a very specific cabinet before she returned to grab her books. "Well, I'm going to be in your office organizing your lesson plans if you change your mind."

"Severus!" McGonagall yelled as she entered the potions classroom. She was fuming, a sight Genevieve had never seen before, and both of them turned to face the older woman. The teaching aide pressed her lips together and turned to grab her books as McGonagall reached the front of the room. "Why is there a Gryffindor in the Common Room and not in your class? 100 points from Gryffindor? What in bloody hell happened?"

Snape crossed his arms over his chest and stood his ground, his heart racing as he tried to rein in his bubbling anger. "He called Genevieve a whore and talked back to me about it," he shot back bitterly. The transfigurations professor paused, her mouth agape and eyes wide. Out of all the responses she thought she would get, that wasn't one of them. She promptly closed her mouth as Genevieve attempted to leave.

"Genevieve," McGonagall warned. The young witch closed her eyes and sighed as she turned back to her mentor, pressing her books close to her chest. Suddenly it felt like she was a student again.

"Yes?" Genevieve's voice was small as she gripped onto the books tightly.

"I'm not saying Mr Hansen's choice of words was correct, but he's not wrong that everyone knows. Whatever this is between you two, a relationship, I uh— sexual... you should address it before it gets out of hand."

Both Severus and Genevieve grew visibly uncomfortable at her insinuation of a sexual relationship, and while she wasn't inherently _wrong_ , she taught both of them and it was a strange conversation to have with their former professor. McGonagall sighed, stepping back. "What was his punishment?"

"A month's detention," Severus said dryly. "Though if he were a Slytherin—"

"He's not a Slytherin, Severus," Genevieve interjected. She glared at him as her own frustration sat uncomfortably in her chest. "She will handle it because he's a Gryffindor. Are we done here, Minerva? I'd really like to get back to my work. We'll address our situation when we're ready. Regardless of what we say, it's going to keep happening so we're doing it on our terms."

McGonagall furrowed her brows at the back talk from her mentee, but nodded quickly. "I'll take care of Mr Hansen."

Genevieve watched irritably as McGonagall left and followed her soon after, not really paying much attention to Severus in that moment. She was too in her head and knew for a fact that if she did not take care of herself first, there was absolutely no way she would be able to effectively communicate with him. Tears welled in her eyes as she made her way towards his office and she wiped them away quickly as to not draw attention to herself amongst the corridor flooded with students. She had lied through her teeth when she comforted Severus; nothing made her feel more disgusting than being called a whore. Not after her sixth year scandal and the backlash that had hit her when her little affair with Caleb was revealed.

Setting her books down on Snape's desk, Genevieve tugged on her sleeves harshly as she blinked back the remainder of her tears. In moments like this she craved the feeling of a smooth razor on her skin and soon it became an obsessive, repetitive thought. No matter what she distracted herself with — organizing lesson plans, reading, and even drinking tea — her mind always wandered back. It started to scare her but she was in such a vulnerable place with Severus that she refused to worry or scare him. Instead, she sat down on the floor as tears slid down her cheeks, using her wand to close the door.

It didn't take long for Severus to venture in, and he sighed upon realizing she had shut the door. He had come to recognize that Genevieve hid herself from the world whenever she was in pain, even when she had things she needed to do. She always found a way to step aside and avoid the public gaze. With a wave of his wand, he opened his office to find her silently crying. She had succumbed to the numbness, her brain turned off completely. Her sleeves were rolled up and she was tracing the various types of scars with the tip of her wand, her face soaked with tears.

"Are you thinking about it again?" Snape asked softly. He placed the remainder of his materials from class down and sat on the floor a few feet from her. He could easily see in her body language that she needed space and that was an odd vibe to get from her. She usually was needy when she was upset.

"I can't stop it," she voiced brokenly. "I need to do it."

"How long has it been since you've done it?" He rested his hands in his lap, really unsure what to do in that moment. With his love language being touch, it was really hard for him to show how much he cared about her without being able to keep a hand on her. When she hesitated to respond, he glanced down at the array of scars, each at varying stages of the healing process. It was clear that she did not use healing charms. "Some of them look fresh."

"Not as fresh as you might think," she sighed. She put her wand down and tucked her arms against her chest. "Maybe two or three months ago."

"While you were here? At Hogwarts?" Concern was laced in his voice and he inched over slowly.

"Yeah, it was stupid," she responded. She tucked some hair behind her ear and closed her eyes, sniffling. "You were right, I can't regulate my emotions."

"But you're doing it right now," he pointed out. "You aren't harming yourself. You are talking to me, and you are safe here in my office. You need to start giving yourself more credit."

Genevieve wiped the remainder of the tears from her eyes and rolled her sleeves down, sighing as she met his eyes. They were warm, she noted, something that she had seen a lot more of recently. "They used to call me a whore," she said. Her voice was small and broken.

"I know they did," Severus sighed. He reached a hand out to rest on her arm. "Come here, pretty girl."

Opening his arms, Severus reached out for the young witch and cuddled her close as she crawled over to him. He kissed the top of her head as he rocked her, biting his lip as he looked up at the ceiling. There was a lot of healing that needed to be done for the both of them, and he wanted more than anything for them to reach it. Together.


	10. PART TEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: depiction of childhood trauma, mild mental breakdown

_"Get out, Johan, get out!" Levina screamed as she began throwing things. Genevieve was huddled underneath the table as she watched her mother continue to hurl enchanted objects. She was sobbing, her entire body shaking. Silent tears slipped down Genevieve's cheeks as she pressed her palms to her ears, desperate to drown out the noise of her parents fighting._

_"How could you do that to our little boy? How could you do that to our little girl? What the fuck is wrong with you? How could you give them up, give_ _ me _ _up, to support Him?" She was extremely aggressive now and pushed him back, not caring what any of the repercussions were. As a Squib, she couldn't do much in terms of defending herself, but she would do anything for her children. She tried to do everything for them, anyways. "You sacrificed everything for that supremacist agenda, and for what, Johan?"_

_Not having much to say, Johan simply apparated out of the household as Levina dropped to the floor in tears, screaming and crying as she held herself. Genevieve crawled out from underneath the table and approached her mother warily, resting a soft hand on her back. She was no older than ten. "Mam," she whispered brokenly. "Let me make you tea and we can lay down. It's okay, we will be okay."_

_The maturity in emotional intelligence that this child held was concerning to Levina, but she couldn't help but succumb to her daughter's soft pleas. She reached out and hugged her daughter to her chest, sobbing into her dark hair. Genevieve patted her mother's back uncomfortably, her eyes drifting shut. "Papa will get what he deserves in Azkaban," she whispered. "Wait until his hearing."_

It wasn't like Genevieve to be startled by dreams of her childhood, but this one in particular frightened her beyond belief. She flinched as she woke up, tears streaming down her face as she looked over to see Severus still sleeping beside her. Without thinking, she nudged her way into his arms and sniffled into his chest, her entire body trembling as she attempted to soothe herself with the sound of his heartbeat. Dreams like this made her feel weak and small and it was something she aimed to avoid her entire adult life. Perhaps that's why she was so cocky as a teenager and why she sabotaged everything good in her life.

The odd sensation of Genevieve shaking felt like weird vibrations, and Snape's eyes drifted open to investigate what was going on. When he realized what was happening, he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and rested a hand on her back, rubbing slow circles over her sweater as she cried. Recently, this was a common occurrence and it had gotten to a point he assumed the dreams were about her family. She had expressed multiple times the stress she was under with her father being released from Azkaban and her mother crawling back to him despite the fact he had killed Genevieve's brother. He knew essentially nothing about the situation, but tried his best not to pry and to remain calm for her. However, familial trauma was also a trigger for him.

As Genevieve began calming down, she moved out of his arms so that she was laying flat on her back with her eyes screwed shut. She sniffled a few times and coughed to which Severus sat up and summoned a tissue for her. "Again?" he asked softly as he petted her hair.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, voice shaking. She used the tissue to wipe away the snot dripping down her nose and then turned away to face the wall. She hated waking him up and more than anything. She felt like a bother; she constantly interrupted his sleep just because she was reliving the aftermath of her brother's death.

"For what?" Severus whispered, laying down next to her once again. He trailed soft kisses over her shoulders and pushed her dark hair aside to kiss just behind her ear. "You don't have anything to be sorry for, my darling."

"You don't deserve this," she whimpered as she buried her face in the pillow. "You're already stressed and you have trouble sleeping sometimes and I've woken you up several times this week. I can go sleep in my quarters if you'd like, I-I—"

"Genevieve," he reassured softly. "I would rather you stay here in my bed. It's your choice whether you want to sleep in your bed tomorrow or the following days, but right now I think it's best that you stay here and relax. You're safe, nothing is going to happen to you."

Genevieve didn't respond immediately, and instead took a moment to think. Part of her wanted to confide in Snape now that whatever was going on with them was getting a bit more serious, but a part of her was scared the intensity of the First Wizarding War would bring up unwanted memories for him as well. More than anything, she wanted to keep him safe, even if it was out of her control.

"I keep picturing my mom crying," Genevieve said after a long while, turning back to face him. The room was dim with moonlight and she pushed his dark hair out of his eyes so that she could see them better. "When my father came home after killing my brother."

"You don't have to tell me what happened right now," he soothed. Her eyes were puffy now, and he sighed as he wiped the remainder of her tears away. "I'll be here when you're ready."

"I don't want to trigger you," she admitted. She swallowed hard, taking in a few deep breaths. "I know the First Wizarding War was a lot on you, a few years out of Hogwarts and being thrown into the world without much."

"I can take care of myself," Severus reassured.

The young witch paused again as she gathered her thoughts. There were so many details she didn't know if she wanted to include: the soul-shattering scream of her mother upon realizing her son was dead, the way his body looked when Genevieve saw her brother for the last time, the lack of empathy in her father's eyes when her mother begged for him to give up the Dark Lord's supremacist agenda. She didn't know what was appropriate to say and what was something she should keep to herself.

"My father didn't have any empathy," she mustered softly. "My brother, Luuk, was seven years older than me. He was just about to graduate from Hogwarts when my father wanted to recruit him to be a Death Eater. When he refused, it pissed off a lot of people, and he was taken in the middle of the night. I don't know exactly what happened, but he was Crucio'd and Sectumsempra'd by my father and left for dead."

The mention of _Sectumsempra_ made Snape visibly uncomfortable and guilt rested painfully in his chest. He didn't know if he should tell her who the creator of that spell was or if he should remain quiet, but suddenly he felt responsible even if he could rationalize that regardless of what spell was used, Luuk would have ended up dead anyways. Or perhaps the admission of creating that spell would give up his former status as a Death Eater that evaded justice at the hands of Albus Dumbledore. Or maybe she would hate him.

"I'm sorry you experienced that," he said calmly. "Thank you for telling me. Is there anything I can do to help you right now?"

"No," Genevieve affirmed. Her eyes drifted shut as she relaxed and attempted to think about anything else but the memory that had resurfaced, but suddenly Severus shifted from his position laying beside her and sat straight up.

"Wait a minute, Luuk de Keyser... I know that name. A Hufflepuff, right? I don't know why I didn't make that connection." He sighed, running his hands through his hair as he gathered his thoughts. Luuk was three years younger than him. He was a nice boy with blonde hair and dark eyes with a smile that was identical to Genevieve's. They interacted a few times and he had always helped Severus with his Transfigurations homework whenever he needed it. His heart ached at the memory and how hard it must have been on her to lose such a bright person.

"You knew my brother?" her voice completely broke with that question and tears started streaming down her face again harder than before – if that was possible – and she sat up as she gripped her own arms. "Severus, he was my best friend."

The surprise and pain in Genevieve's voice tugged at his heart strings but he had no idea what to do or how to help her. He glanced at the clock, realizing the sun was about to rise, but when he looked back he realized that she was physically lashing out at herself. Her hands had slipped from gripping her arms to scratching at her scars and she hit her arms against her knees. "Genevieve," he said sternly as he grabbed her hands tightly, holding them in place as she sobbed. "Genevieve, take a deep breath."

"I can't do it, I can't," she cried out. Her voice was raw now and she was rocking back and forth. "I need to do it. I need to."

"You don't need to do anything," he reassured her. He held her tightly against his chest, eyes drifting shut as she resisted him. This was his biggest fear; she would become violent with herself and he would lose her. He didn't know if he could handle losing another person. "You _want_ to do it. There's a difference here. Let yourself feel your emotions, Genevieve. You tell me to do that all the time."

"Severus," she pleaded as she broke down and slumped against him. This was the most worked up and upset he had ever seen her. Standing from the bed, he held her against his chest with her legs around his waist and arms draped over his shoulders as he made his way to his kitchen. From the bottom shelf, he grabbed a flask of Sleeping Draught.

"I'm going to help you rest for a little bit," he said once he brought her back to the bedroom. She was crying softly into his neck now, exhaustion overwhelming her. Tough nights like these were the absolute worst for the both of them, and he had learned to keep a stash of sedating and calming potions for her in the event she had a breakdown.

Laying her down on the bed, Severus put the flask to her lips and ordered her to drink it. Once she had, her body went limp against the sheets and he took that moment to assess what she had done to her arms and legs. Though not necessarily anywhere as bad as a razor, she had scratched at her skin. Most of it wasn't bleeding; she had just had dug her nails and peeled some of her skin back. Her knees and wrists were beginning to bruise where she had slammed them. It made his heart sink. He was not good with healing charms and therefore decided to care for them the way he knew how: anti-septic potions and sanitized gauze. The next 12 hours would be immensely hard on her.

* * *

"Albus, I need to talk to you," Severus said monotonously as he entered the Headmaster's office. Dumbledore had just seated himself at his desk after opening the curtains to let in the morning sun. He had just begun writing down some notes when the Potions Master approached him, delight written in his features. Per usual, he gestured towards the chair in front of his desk.

"I presume it's about Genevieve," he acknowledged. Snape pressed his lips together.

"She's just as bad as her sixth year and I'm getting worried about her."

"Is she injuring herself again?" Dumbledore placed his feather pen down and turned his attention completely towards his colleague. Severus nodded, folding his hands in his lap. "Do you think we need to have another intervention?"

"I don't know, Albus," he sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair. "You know better than I do that this is a different situation now. She's not my student, and I—"

"It's complicated now, isn't it?" Dumbledore asked. Severus blinked back tears, tears that Dumbledore had not seen in over ten years. Not since Lily died. This emotional response said more about Severus and his feelings for his teaching aide than any words could try to convey. "I can see that it's different, Severus. You care for her more than you did when she was a student, more than you do as a colleague, and more than just a friend or companion. It's real for you, Severus. And that scares you."

"I didn't even intend for this to happen." Snape's tone was angrier now, a projection of his confusion and fear over her safety, and he balled his hands into fists. "Albus, I can't lose her. I'm tired of losing everything that I care about."

"You're not going to. Here's what I think you can try to do: go talk to Charity and see if there is some sort of Muggle intervention that works for these types of things. Besides using calming potions and healing charms for mitigation, I don't think this is a disorder that we can fix with magic. Perhaps she can attend treatment in the Muggle world for a while and take a leave of absence."

"You know she would never do that," Severus asserted. "She loves teaching too much."

"Yes, but she loves you more. You're so blind, Severus. Open your eyes." Dumbledore folded his hands on his desk, carefully reading Snape's face. It was evident in the way he carried himself that he loved her too, but whether they would admit it to each other or not was the pressing question. It had been six months since he had brought her in, and even he didn't think that this would be the natural progression of things.

Severus didn't immediately respond but parted his lips as if he were about to speak. Dumbledore lifted a brow, waiting for any sort of acknowledgement of what he had just stated so bluntly, but the Potion Master's mouth promptly closed.

"Go see if Charity is in her office, perhaps she has specific ties to Muggle treatments."

* * *

Slow days at Hogwarts were Snape's favorite because of the simple fact students did not pester him and his colleagues kept to themselves. Over the last few days, he had tried to find a way to regulate his anxiety, but with the mental state of Genevieve, he had no idea what to expect and therefore relaxing was hard. For the most part, she was mellow; Severus often kept her high on Draught of Peace to keep her from having emotional outbursts while he worked with Charity Burbage on her connections to the Muggle world's psychiatric care units. He also took it upon himself to take over the morning potions courses again. He wanted more than anything for her to be okay, and he would do everything it took to make sure that happened.

Some days were easier, like today, where Genevieve was laying down on the sofa while she twirled her wand between her fingers. She seemed completely functional; she had eaten something, she was regulating her emotions, and she didn't have a nightmare the night before. She finally had an emotional break. Severus, on the other hand, was head over heels concerned that perhaps something more serious was going on than poor emotional regulation. Still, as she sat and twirled her wand, Severus sat unbothered at his desk and graded write-ups.

"Severus," she said after an hour or so of silence. "What memory do you think of when you cast your patronus?"

The question had caught him off guard, and he put his pen down in the ink pot while he tried to figure out what to say. His first instinct was to snap at her and project, but he was more scared by what her reaction to that would be. "Why are you curious?"

"Do you remember that day in November when I asked you to dance with me in the snow?" She turned her head to face him now, and Severus nodded without responding. How could he have forgotten? She was incredibly happy then, and he had ruined their little endeavor with his trauma. He did that a lot, he noticed as he reflected back on it. "That's what I think of. That's my happiest memory."

Snape didn't know what to say. Part of him wanted to cry at her confession, and part of him was incredibly confused by how such a strange evening had been the purest, happiest memory she could think of. "And why's that, my darling?"

"For the first time, I felt safe and cared for. My parents always fought and all my happy memories with Luuk were tainted when he died," she said as she shrugged. She turned her attention back to her wand, twirling it one last time before waving it and saying: "Expecto patronum!"

The glistening of a blue tinted piebald mare from the tip of Genevieve's wand caught Snape's attention, and he watched as it galloped across the room in circles before disappearing into thin air. He bit his lip, uncertain of what he wanted to say. He knew for a fact anyone who had a horse patronus had a unique quality to them; harmony is a universal characteristic seen within those who could produce it. But her piebald mare was very specific. Assertiveness, amazing intuition, knowing when to fight or flee, and being emotionally and mentally strong were all characteristics seen in someone who can produce a piebald mare. It brought some comfort to him to know she was fundamentally like this at her core.

"You never did answer me," she said as she got up. She stumbled a little as she made her way over to his desk but did not hesitate to sit in Snape's lap. With her arms draped over his shoulders, she asked again: "What do you think of when you cast your patronus? What is your happiest memory, my darling?"

Severus hesitated. He felt pathetic that his memory was still of Lily, but he knew she wouldn't believe anything else he said if he had lied through his teeth. "There was one time, when I was a boy, that I spent outside with Potter's mother, Lily. We laid in the grass and just talked... I felt heard and loved. That's what I think about."

Genevieve ran her fingers through his hair and kissed his forehead. "Thank you for taking care of me," she said softly. "I know it's hard for you to watch me be like this."

"I think I need to clarify that you're not _like this_ , you're just struggling and that's okay," Snape corrected. "I'm not going to give up on you, Genevieve, and I'm going to repeat that as many times as it takes for you to understand that I'm committed to you."

Genevieve smiled softly and hugged him tightly, nuzzling her face into his neck. She didn't have much else to say, but she knew despite the turmoil she currently endured, he would be there and he would keep her safe. He made her happy. That's why her patronus was so strong.


	11. PART ELEVEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: depiction of mania, psychiatric institution

The way Genevieve reached out for Severus at the end of each day brought immense warmth to his cold exterior. While she was relaxing on the sofa, reading a book as she did each night to unwind from the day's events, she tossed the thick wool blanket aside and extended her hands in grabbing motions, silently begging for him to come cuddle with her in front of the fire. He never hesitated; his routine was to kick off his shoes, take off his cloak and jacket, and lay against her chest while she peppered kisses on his forehead and snuggled him close to her body for warmth. Tonight was no different, and to Severus it was almost as if her lack of emotional regulation skills didn't exist in that moment. She was peaceful — _they_ were peaceful — but it was only a matter of time until she had another episode and therefore Snape had done what Dumbledore had recommended and contacted Charity Burbage.

The two of them worked extremely hard at finding a treatment center, and ultimately came across a psychiatric care unit in an Amsterdam hospital. Charity had disclosed that some of the staff there were magical beings — witches and wizards alike — and that putting Genevieve in their care would be healing for her. Magic was a major part of any witch or wizard's sense of self and taking that away from Genevieve would have detrimental effects. So, without her knowing, Snape had gone ahead and made an intake appointment for her to talk about everything that was going on with her. It was guaranteed that she would panic about the news, so he tried to make her soft and sleepy before he told her. So that night, he was more than happy to curl up with her on the sofa in her sleeping quarters, but the genuine smile on her face made him weary. He didn't want to see that go away, but he knew if he didn't do this, he might not see it ever again.

"You look beautiful today," Snape said as he crawled up into her arms, pressing a delicate kiss to her nose and then her lips. "I like it when you have your hair up."

"Oh?" Genevieve laughed into the kiss, cupping his face in her palms. She traced the curve of his cheekbone with the pad of her thumb, tilting her head slightly to look at him. "And why is that?"

"When your hair is up, I can see your face," he said softly. "I love seeing your face."

Genevieve scrunched her nose and laid her head back against the arm of the sofa. "You're a liar, Severus Snape."

Severus chuckled under his breath and leaned up to press soft kisses to the underside of her jaw. She grinned stupidly. "I wouldn't lie to you," he admitted as he kissed right behind her ear. "Ever."

Genevieve shivered and moved her head away from him, not liking the butterflies she had just gotten. He grinned against her skin and laid his head back down on her chest. "How was your day?" he asked gently, stroking her arm with his thumb as he shifted to look up at her.

"Today was a good day." She smiled halfheartedly, raking her fingers through his dark hair. "I made some erwtensoep, you can have some if you'd like."

"You made _what_?" Severus asked as he furrowed his eyebrows. "What in bloody hell is that?"

Genevieve laughed and took a sharp breath in. "Erwtensoep. It's a Dutch soup my mother used to make Luuk and I whenever it was super cold out. It's my favorite comfort food. That and banket."

"Banket?" He asked.

"It's a pastry. I don't have the recipe from my mother but it's a puff pastry filled with almond paste."

Severus bit his lip. He knew he needed to tell her what he had done and that it was going to affect her mood entirely. He had always loved listening to her talk about her Dutch culture, and though the language sounded a bit harsh at times, it was incredibly attractive when she spoke it. "Do you miss the Netherlands?"

"Sometimes," she shrugged. "I used to go to Amsterdam to visit my aunt each summer when Hogwarts wasn't in session. My parents stayed in London where they moved to when I was four, so it was just me, Luuk, and mijn tante."

"Is that why your accent is so mixed?" he asked. Severus turned to lay at her side now, his head resting against her shoulder as he draped his hand over her abdomen. He enjoyed her warmth with how cold it had gotten in February in Scotland.

"Mhm, it's strange. I grew up speaking Dutch strictly until I was 4. My whole family had thick Dutch accents. Luuk's was the strongest. When we moved to London and I started learning English, I picked up their pronunciations and now my English sounds slightly Dutch."

"I think it's attractive," he countered as he leaned up to kiss her cheek. "When you speak Dutch, I lose my breath and my heart races."

"Is that so?" she laughed. She stared at the ceiling, her eyes tracing the perimeter of the room. "Does that mean I could dirty talk you in Dutch and you'd do anything I want?"

"Most likely," he grumbled monotonously. He liked being in charge but he had to admit, not being in charge while she seduced him with her native language excited him.

"Remind me that's what you want next time," she said as she turned to face him. Her eyes trailed the way his nose hooked and the slightly crooked slant of the bridge. He furrowed her eyebrows at the way she looked at him; her eyes were kind and gentle, her lids slightly heavy.

The two laid like this for what seemed like hours, and after realizing how late it was getting, Snape cleared his throat and pushed her dark hair out of her face. "Charity and I found a place," he mumbled. "A hospital in Amsterdam."

"Place? Hospital?" Genevieve asked, taken aback by the change in topic. "You didn't say anything about a place, Severus."

"It's just for an intake assessment," Snape reassured. "They will listen and give their recommendations. We don't know if you'll stay or if another course of treatment will be recommended."

"Please don't leave me," she pleaded softly. Tears were welling in her eyes now and a few slipped away as she screwed her eyes shut. "I thought you said you weren't going to give up on me?"

"I'm not giving up on you," Severus affirmed. "But you can't rely on me all the time. I'm not a doctor. I'm..."

He trailed off, not knowing quite what they were to each other. The exploration of their feelings had led to unexpected outcomes, but neither of them were confident enough to revisit the conversation from December. Not with her mental state. He was walking on thin ice these days, which did not help his hypervigilance or his excessive panic, and more than anything wanted her to get help. But he also knew he needed support with his own symptoms. Perhaps he could look into Muggle treatments, too.

"Charity and I made an intake appointment for you. It's next week, so you have time to prepare. I want you to think about things that have been happening. Please. I miss you."

* * *

_The night was rather calm, which was a nice change of pace for Severus. As he slept he assumed Genevieve was by his side, but when he reached out to grab her he was met with the feeling of cold sheets. Fear pulsed through him and he stood, grabbing his wand as he searched his quarters. When he didn't find her, he searched hers, then his office, and finally the alchemy lab. There, disheveled and still in her nightshirt, Genevieve appeared to be working on research._

_"Severus, I think I'm getting close to something. Come look," she called to him as she frantically wrote down what she was seeing. He was panting now, attempting to catch his breath as he approached her._

_"It's 3am, what in bloody hell are you even doing awake?"_

_"I'm not tired," she insisted as she went back to her little experiment. She waved her wand a few times, chanting spells, and watched the changes of the metal begin. "I've been doing some reading, I need to find the Sorcerer's Stone to complete this. Please help me find it. Please. This would be incredible to publish."_

_The upbeat, pressed nature of her demeanor worried Snape, and he reached out to grab her wand. "It's also an incredible way to get you killed. Come back to bed," he insisted. "We can talk about this in the morning."_

_"There is no way I'm going to sleep," she snapped as she reached back for her wand. Severus's eyes grew wide with concern as he put her wand over his head and out of her reach; this definitely was not like her. "There is so much I don't know yet, I need to know. This is important, Severus. Please. I've been doing some reading and looking around and there's a big dog and it's guarding something. That's what bit you, wasn't it? You know where the Stone is, Severus, don't fucking lie to me. Give me my wand. Help me find the Stone."_

_The way she had connected the dots was both terrifying and amazing to him. He definitely underestimated her intelligence._

_"You can take a break from this right now and you can sleep. It's still going to be here when you wake up," he said calmly. Putting her wand in his pocket, he waved his wand to clean up her experiment, only to agitate her even more._

_"I hate you," she yelled as she gripped her arms, her entire body shaking. He knew exactly where this was going and fear pulsed through him, but his heart dropped to his stomach at that simple expression of dislike. He turned on his heels to walk away, not really caring that she was without her wand and refusing to further acknowledge her distress, and made his way back to his quarters without another word._

"Severus," Dumbledore said. "Severus!"

The Potions Master looked up from his thoughts, blinking as he realized the entire teaching staff was staring at him. They were all seated around the table, parchments spread across the surface as they discussed how their courses were going. Genevieve sat across from him, her eyes laced with concern.

"Oh, uh– the students are managing," he said as he cleared his throat. His eyes met Genevieve's carefully, but they dropped when his peripheral vision picked up the cuts on her wrist peaking from her long sleeves. She adjusted them absentmindedly as Severus talked, not paying much attention to where his eyes had wandered.

"How has the transition been for the first, second, and third years?" Now that Genevieve wasn't teaching, the younger students had a difficult time adjusting, but she took the newly created free time to talk to them. None of them knew what was going on with her but they always remained happy to see her.

"They're fine, Albus," Snape said a bit too harshly. Genevieve's hands dropped to her lap and she fiddled with her sleeves. "I think it would be of their best interest to at least have Genevieve tutor them."

Dumbledore paused. "We'll talk about this later, Severus. Sybill, how about your students?"

Dumbledore and the rest of the teaching staff talked about their classes, writing down notes and other things to cross reference later when they got the chance. Some courses taught at Hogwarts contained overlapping concepts, and some professors took the initiative to make sure that their courses aligned with one another to reinforce each others' materials. As they conversed, Snape raised a curious brow at Genevieve, the stare eliciting a faster heart rate in the young woman.

The conversations between colleagues died down after an hour or so, and as the remainder of the professors left the table, Severus, Genevieve, and Dumbledore remained behind. They waited for the door to shut before they started their conversation. Genevieve refused to lift her gaze. It felt like when she was a student and tears welled in her eyes.

"I don't want her sitting around all day," Severus said bluntly towards Dumbledore. "She gets bored, and then when she's bored things go downhill. We both know this."

"Severus," she managed softly, her voice wavering. "I'm okay."

"But that's inherently the point," he snapped back at her, running his hands through his hair. "You _aren't_ okay. That's why we're here. It's bloody terrifying to see you go through this and lose everything that you know. When you were a student, having a routine helped. Daily arm checks, class, making sure she ate, did her work, had time to unwind... she managed it much better then. If we take away her tutoring position, it would be both to the detriment of her own health and to the students' education. Give her at least a tutoring routine. Her mind is too brilliant to push aside right now, especially given our _situation_ , Albus."

"That's enough, Severus," Dumbledore asserted sternly. "I'm not changing my perspective on this situation. She's not a student anymore, she is our colleague. Charity told me that she has her appointment next week therefore we will reevaluate her position once the results are clear or she speaks otherwise."

"I can't believe you," Snape growled as he stood up, leaving both Genevieve and Dumbledore at the table. The door slammed behind him and Genevieve looked up at Dumbledore with tears streaming down her face.

"I just want it to go away," she said softly. Dumbledore was visibly uncomfortable with the situation and didn't know how to respond. Standing up to leave, Genevieve licked her lips. "Good night, Dumbledore."

* * *

"I don't understand why you're mad," Genevieve said as she tucked her arms under her chest. Her gaze had dropped to the floor as Severus paced back and forth in his office, his anger evident in his gait.

"Because I'm scared," he shouted, angry tears running down his face. "I'm scared for your life, Genevieve. I don't think you understand how terrifying it is not to know how to help you and at the same time struggle with taking care of myself. I can see and feel everything you do so clearly and I don't know how much longer I can handle it."

"I never said you had to handle it, Severus," the woman replied softly, tears streaming down her cheeks. She felt completely defeated in that moment; she knew her health was effecting both of them, but she hadn't seen how much it had worsened over the last few weeks. "I've been considering taking a leave of absence from Hogwarts for the rest of term. That way I can take care of myself and you can take care of yourself. We're toxic right now, and I don't want us to be toxic. Whatever this is, I want us to work."

"I said I wouldn't abandon you, or give up on you," he pleaded as he approached her, tilting her chin up to meet his eyes. "Look at me, please. I know I can't make you stay and I know once you set your mind to something you're going to go after it. But you need to take this seriously. I don't want to wake up one day and find you dead. Do whatever these Muggle doctors say. Please."

"I'm so scared," she sobbed softly. She reached her hands up to cup his face, sighing as she pressed her forehead to his. The two of them were unhinged in that moment, their hearts aching. Severus pulled her close to him, their hips touching as he held her close. Over the last six months, the fondness the two of them held for one another was surprising but it was what they needed in that time. Now, they both knew a short break was needed for them to heal.

"I know you're scared, my darling," Severus responded as he pulled back from her embrace. "But I know you will be okay. Come back when you're ready, please."

Genevieve reached back for him and pulled him in for a kiss, which he returned without any hesitation, but he stepped back once it had broken. It was clear to Genevieve that whatever they were had ended in that moment, and she sighed as turned to leave his office. She had never felt more numb in her entire life.

* * *

"Genevieve," a young nurse said as she knocked on the thick metal doorframe. "You have a visitor. Would you like to see them?"

"Depends who it is," she sighed, wiping away tears. She hugged her knees to her chest as she looked out the barred window, tucking free wisps of her dark hair behind her ear.

"It's Severus," her soft voice continued. "He's in the common room."

Genevieve's heart skipped a beat when she heard his name, but she blinked back the immediate tears that came to her eyes. She rubbed her arms anxiously, unsure if she wanted him to see her like this, like the mess she was currently feeling. Group session that day did not end well, and with her being in a manic episode, she experienced a breakdown and was drugged up. She was so numb, but more than anything she craved his warmth, gentle kisses, and the sound of his heartbeat beneath her when she woke up.

Over the last eight weeks, she had convinced herself that she meant nothing to him. He had not visited in that time, and she felt hopeless that whatever they had prior to her admission would not be salvageable. Perhaps, she thought, he had continued life without her like she never existed to him. Part of her wished she never existed.

Looking up from her thoughts, Genevieve licked her lips. "Okay," she agreed softly. "I'll see Severus."

The nurse beckoned the young witch with her arm and led her towards the common room, a gloved hand resting against her back as they approached the doorway. Genevieve was holding her breath and without the sedatives she might have had a panic attack, but she remained numb as she approached the common room. Upon seeing Severus in his dark suit sitting in an armchair, her heart skipped multiple beats. As her eyes met his, everything came flooding back to her: drinks in Hogsmeade, dancing in the snow to Muggle music, drunk kissing him after a lame Christmas party, admitting she wanted to explore things with him... everything hit her, and tears streamed down her cheeks.

It was evident to Severus that she was drugged up; her eyes were half-lidded and appeared empty and her body swayed as she walked. The nurse helped her into another armchair, making sure she was situated before she left the pair to talk. He had not been caught up on what was going on; she had never disclosed what was happening, how long she would be here, or anything tangible to go off of. By the looks of her, he was certain they'd extend her stay.

"Hi, Severus," she said softly, her voice wavering as she wiped her tears away. Besides the tears, her emotions weren't discernible to him. It took more effort than usual to gain a sense of what was happening.

"You look like hell," Severus stated bluntly as he reached a hand out to grab hers. That sounded a lot colder than he had intended, therefore he softened his tone as he continued. "Are you sleeping? Eating? You look exhausted and you're losing weight."

Genevieve shrugged. Sleep wasn't a concept in her head, and she had absolutely no appetite. She was focused on her research ideas and replaying her relations with Severus over and over in her head to keep herself sane while the doctors tried to help her cope with her mania. It had yet to relent, two months into her stay and about 10 weeks overall since her symptoms began.

"I'm managing," she mumbled as she squeezed his hand. "Right now I'm just tired."

"Your pupils are dilated," he noted. "What do they have you on?"

"Barbiturates," she replied nonchalantly as she looked up at him. "I missed you. I thought you left me."

"How could I leave you, pretty girl?" he whispered, rubbing her knuckles with his thumbs. Her heart fluttered at the pet name. She missed it. "I just needed to take care of some things at Hogwarts, and then take care of myself."

"I'm glad you're taking care of yourself," Genevieve stated. It was numbing to think that handling her episodes several months ago hindered the way he could handle his own symptoms from his trauma. She was hesitant to be open about her condition, but she knew he would ask, and of course, she was right. "That's all I've wanted for you."

"I miss you," he admitted. "I've been doing a lot of thinking and reflecting while you've been here and I'm in a better spot than I was a couple months ago. I know it seems like I abandoned you but to take care of you, to build us, I needed to take care of myself."

She should have been angry that he left her for so long without a word of warning, but she was so mellow from her sedative she could barely move her eyes without the world feeling like it was slowing. "It's okay," she responded. "I miss you too."

"Did you finally get your diagnosis?" he asked softly. He didn't want to bring up any topics that would trigger her, but he was now so invested in her recovery and wanted to do whatever he could to research into her condition and support her through it. She had never disclosed it to him before because she was so bitter.

_The doctor wrote down meticulous notes as Genevieve answered her questions. She admitted to multiple symptoms, all of which pointed to a specific diagnosis that neither her nor Severus had anticipated. Genevieve fiddled with her fingers nervously as she sat on the sofa, her gaze unfocused on the wall behind the doctor._

_"So, Genevieve," the doctor started as she put her pen down. She bit her lip. "I recommend that you have a minimum of 10 weeks inpatient. It's quite obvious to me that you've struggled with depression in the past, but over the last few months you've been dealing with dysphoric mania and full-blown manic episodes. You aren't broken and you aren't crazy. You have bipolar disorder."_

_"I don't think I'm manic," Genevieve stated bluntly. The doctor leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees as she began reading off all the things she had written down in her notepad._

_"You said you're irritable and easily agitated, you don't need sleep, hygiene and basic self-care seem unimportant, you're perpetually numb and empty all the time, you have an increased sex drive, racing thoughts, you're impulsive with harming yourself. Right now in my office your speech is pressured and you are fidgety, you won't focus on what I'm saying. You've subtly expressed suicidal tendencies, though you claim you have not had those thoughts. You described a time in your schooling years that points to depression. You have a very strong case here, and now that we know what it is we can treat it."_

Genevieve snapped out of her thoughts and blinked back her grogginess, eyes lazily resting up on Severus. He desperately wanted to hold her, to kiss her, to make it all go away. "Bipolar disorder," was all she could manage. "I'm apparently still manic."

"It's been months," he mumbled. "Does it usually last this long?"

"Apparently," she grumbled as she rolled her eyes. "Besides today, I'm supposedly doing well. They said they were planning to release me in two weeks as planned, sooner if I come down from my mania and prove I'll take my medications and follow through with outpatient therapy."

"I hope this medication isn't one of them," he said sternly. "This doesn't look safe."

"It's because I had a breakdown in group," she responded. "I'm not usually like this. I promise. Oddly enough, I feel better... I don't have racing thoughts anymore. I can think. Perhaps Muggle medicine isn't all stupid."

Severus could only offer her a weak smile. His chest ached at the sight of her, but he was glad she was alive.


	12. PART TWELVE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: snogging, smut

"You're absolutely rubbish at chess, you know that?" Genevieve said as she shoved his bishop over and leaned back in her chair. Severus furrowed his brows at her move, confused how she had progressed so quickly into his side of the board. The sight made her laugh as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"If you've charmed this board, I will find out," he warned as he moved one of his pieces. He glanced up at her, the pure smile on her face completely warming his heart. He had not seen that gorgeous smile on her face in what seems like forever.

He missed this version of her; she genuinely looked happy. It dawned on him at that moment that he hadn't really seen this side of her. Reflecting on it, she had always seemed to struggle, even in her student years, it was just the most severe when she rushed research at 3am, spewed theories of hidden treasures, and gash her skin to manage her negative emotions. But from what he could see, she had not picked at her wounds and they had begun to heal nicely. Others were faded white lines.

"I've done no such thing," she grinned back at him as she took her turn. She bit her lip a little too harshly as she leaned forwards, pausing as she tucked hair behind her ear. "So, I'm being discharged tomorrow."

"Early?" he asked. She nodded. The smile that spread across Snape's angular features made her stomach flutter and she couldn't help but match the energy.

Genevieve was excited to get out, to use magic again, to be close to Severus again, to teach, to do research. Her medication did a good job of regulating her impulses and moods and for the first time in her life, everything felt clear. No more racing thoughts, she was sleeping and eating, her mood was at a healthy baseline, and she could carry out normal conversations.

"Yes, early," she looked up at the nurses who stood along the perimeter of the room as she reached across the table to grab Snape's hand. "You better have my wand when I step out of here, or we'll have a problem, Professor."

"It's in my quarters," he reassured as he moved his knight. "I'll remember to bring it, don't worry my darling."

"Is there anything I should know that's changed since I left?" she asked, aggressively shoving aside his knight with her queen. "Checkmate."

Disregarding her question, Snape pressed his lips together at her win and pulled his hand back as he crossed his arms over his chest. "You little-"

"Ah, ah," she clicked her tongue. "Be nice now, Severus."

All he could do was roll his eyes. He was head over heels for this woman, and now that her brain was no longer fogged and he had a sense of clarity himself, he knew this would be the best restart for them. He paused to think as he reset the chess board, chewing the inside of his cheek as he tried to gather his thoughts.

"I've been thinking," Severus said. Confusion was written across Genevieve's face and her heart skipped a beat. She tried not to assume the worst, but she could not help herself from wondering.

"About what?"

"When you're discharged, I want to take you out on a proper date. I've yet to do that, and I think it's well overdue." The statement made Genevieve's heart flutter and she couldn't bring herself to meet his eyes with a bright smile.

"I would love that," she admitted. "Anything but Hogsmeade, though. No offense."

* * *

Severus never got tired of the way Genevieve put on her makeup; it was entrancing to see her dust soft pink blush over her cheeks, or use concealer on any blemishes that she had, or apply lipstick so steadily. Recently, she had been fond of eyeliner, and this was a skill he had no idea took effort. It was mesmerizing.

Genevieve turned from her vanity mirror and looked up at Snape who glanced her way from over the newspaper. A soft smile spread across her features as she got up to snatch his newspaper away and crawl into his lap. "What are you looking at, mijn schatje?"

"You," he responded as stroked her jaw with his knuckles. "I'm always amazed with how you do your makeup. I used to watch my mother do hers when I was really young."

"I could do yours," she offered as she pushed his hair back out of his eyes. "If you really want some."

"Maybe another time, princess." Leaning into her soft touch, Severus closed his eyes.

Snape had planned a relatively meticulous night with Genevieve. He hoped his attempt at a proper date was sufficient; as the sun set, his nerves increased. Though the two of them had numerous outings together, this one was different. It was officially considered a date. He had warned Genevieve that the night would be chilly and to bring a sweater, but of course she didn't listen. She did, however, wear trousers instead of a skirt which she tucked a long sleeve button-up blouse into.

"Are you ready to go?" He asked as she finished putting her shoes on. She nodded and eagerly took his hand as she grabbed her purse, slinging it over her shoulder as they left his quarters.

The night that Severus had planned probably seemed incredibly cliché, but to Genevieve anything he put effort into made her stomach flutter. As the sun was setting, he led her over towards the hills outside of the Hogwarts castle where he had laid out a thick blanket on the grass with a bottle of red wine.

"Ah, what do you have planned, Severus?" she laughed as he ushered her to sit down with him. Her heart was racing and she could not wash the smile off her face.

"It's supposed to be clear skies tonight, I thought we could lay down and look at the stars." If possible, her smile grew, and she eagerly laid down on the blanket he had laid out for them.

"How romantic," she teased as she made a grabbing motion with her hands. Severus laid down next to her and wrapped his arm around her, rubbing it to keep her warm. She smiled at the sentiment, burying her face into the crook of his collarbone. "I didn't expect you to give in to what you call _childish endeavors_ , Severus."

"Perhaps it's your influence," he noted with a grin. He kissed the top of her head as she turned her neck to see the stars starting to show in the sky as the sun painted the horizon with vibrant oranges and reds. Snape stroked the back of her head, his eyes unfocused as he gazed up at the stars. "I hope you like this."

"Severus, I swear to Merlin if you continue to think like that," she grumbled as she looked up at him. She lost her train of thought, however, and sighed as she buried herself against him. He didn't look down at her, but continued with his soft affections. After a few moments of silence, he turned his head to face her.

"This might be inappropriate to ask on a date," he mumbled. "But what happened with you and Sarah during your sixth year? Why did you, uh- with Caleb? Did she do something?"

Genevieve bit her lip, confused on how this thought had sprouted in his head and was even more concerned with the fact she believed you had to do something wrong to _deserve_ to be cheated on. "I was happy with Sarah. I loved her more than anything and her family treated me like one of their own. I was scared of being happy. When I was in Amsterdam, I talked about it and my therapist said that it sounded like I was in a depressive episode that I coped with using sex. That's why I started cutting; I wanted to feel something after I lost everything. Then I got knocked up."

"I remember the last part," he sighed as he kissed her forehead, stroking her soft skin with his index finger. "You struggled a lot after you got that abortion. I made you check in with me, made you roll up your sleeves every morning... Albus did nothing to help and simply told me to deal with it. Are you, or uh- _we_ being safe... now?"

This was a conversation he probably should have had with her in December, but talking about her body felt incredibly uncomfortable for him. He tried to normalize it in his head but had trouble with becoming comfortable. Genevieve smiled softly and leaned into his hand. "I take a contraceptive potion at the beginning of every month. You don't have to worry about anything. I'm much more careful than I was during my sixth year. But I appreciated it, you know... the checking in. Nobody seemed to care but you did, or at least you tried to."

"I... was in a very emotionally... _unavailable_ state," he acknowledged. "I didn't have the capacity to care for myself, never mind anyone else, but I tried for you. You reminded me of Lily when she was your age. Sometimes you still do."

"I'm not her," she responded. It sounded a bit harsher than she had intended and she bit her lip as she sat up to look at him. "I hope you realize that, Severus."

"I know you're not," he said as he sat up to face her. He patted his lap and she hesitantly climbed in it as he kissed her nose. "I meant your kindness. Even if you were - and still _are_ \- extremely arrogant and irritating. With reason, you're intelligent and have natural talents in areas no other magical being has been able to match with years of training. But it was irritating to see you toss that around. Worse than a Malfoy."

"Nobody liked me," she laughed as she pushed his hair out of his face. "I came to accept that after my first year, that's why I loved Sarah so much. She sort of saw past that. Have you ever had a school romance, Severus?"

Snape grinned at her comment and leaned in to kiss her sweetly. "No, I didn't. I got involved with some.. less than perfect crowds. I would have done anything to have what you had with Sarah during my Hogwarts years. It was pure and unconditional. I needed that as a teenager."

"Oh my darling, so tragic," she rolled her eyes at his comment and he huffed as his brows furrowed with offense. He slapped her ass and she squealed as she kissed him. "So that means you've never snogged in the corridors, snuck around after hours with a young girl, or boy for that matter? Shagged in the closet?"

He shook his head at all of them. "I have not," he admitted.

"Well, unfortunately we are not sixteen," she said as she rolled her eyes, undoing the top few buttons of her blouse. She tilted his chin up to meet her gaze. "But I would be more than okay giving you that experience, Professor."

Snape's heart beat wildly in his chest as she revealed a little bit of her cleavage, but he could not look away from her mesmerizing stare as his hands traveled up her waist. "Just shut up and kiss me," he breathed, lips crashing with hers.

Genevieve immediately cupped his face in her hands, mouth parted slightly as she sighed into his kiss. His hands traveled down to her ass and pulled her up against him, his breathing quickening as she slipped her tongue into his mouth, hands now tangled in his dark hair. She tugged on his hair roughly so that he could look up at her and he moaned, something she had yet to hear with her in control. She pulled back only to unbutton his jacket, pushing it off to kiss down his neck. She sucked and used her teeth, low groans coming from his throat as she left hickeys along his pale skin. Sitting down in his lap, she carefully ground her ass against the erection she felt, but pulled back after a moment. He attempted to pull her back, hands moving up to grope her breasts.

"Ah, ah, Severus," she disciplined as she turned his face to look at her. "Snogging almost always ends in blue balls."

* * *

"Yes, mam," Genevieve rolled her eyes into the phone. Severus held her hand tightly as they sat in her quarters, her legs dangling over the back of the sofa as her head hung upside down by Snape's feet. He was reading a Muggle book - something Genevieve had desperately wanted him to read - and sighed. He hated that he liked the book as much as he did. The Muggle world was infuriating, but Muggle doctors had saved her so perhaps a new tolerance had formed.

"Yes, I'm home. Merlin, mam, it's none of your business where I've been." Snape turned and pressed an innocent kiss to her thigh, acknowledging the scars that mottled her skin with an ache in his chest.

The pauses in the conversation were absolutely confusing to Severus, and he felt the tension with the phone call grow even larger. It wasn't until she switched over to Dutch that he knew things were getting serious. She had not spoken to her mother for the entire time she was in treatment and she had yet to even acknowledge that her mother had forgiven her father. It was confusing and she didn't need to hear that while she was coming down from mania. It took a long time for her to switch back into English, but once she had, Severus took note of how relaxed she got.

Genevieve glanced at him, eyebrows furrowed as she mouthed _you okay?_. He nodded, thumb stroking her thigh gently. She swatted his hand away irritably, not quite in the mood with what was going on with her parents, but he was now distracted by the way her skirt fell around her hips. He continued brushing his fingertips along her thigh, caressing her soft skin. The contact made her breath hitch and she met his eyes as he roughly tugged her towards him, her hand slapping over her mouth to try and muffle her gasp. Severus grinned, his hand sliding beneath her skirt.

"Hang up the phone, princess," he whispered as he rubbed small circles on her panties with his thumb, hand rested on her inner thigh. She side-eyed him hesitantly but her body betrayed her as she stifled a moan.

"Okay, mam," she started weakly. Snape didn't relent as he continued to stroke her encouragingly, but this time he slipped his hand into her panties. She fought another moan. "I've got to go. Yes, I'm fine, I'm just running late for... something."

There was inaudible speaking in the phone as Genevieve ended the call, tossing the device on the coffee table in front of them. She sat up on her elbows as he pulled his hands back and she glared at him. "You're unbelievable, Severus, you know that?"

"I don't want to hear back talk, pretty girl," he said sternly. He patted his lap and sat back against the sofa. "Come here."

The woman's stomach fluttered and she did as she was told, sitting on his lap as she pushed her hair over her shoulder. Her heart was racing now and her mind was completely fogged with impatient anticipation as Severus cupped her face in his hands and kissed her. She deepened the kiss, grinding her ass against him as she did, and he moaned into her mouth. She sat up on her knees so that he was looking up at her and her hair was a dark curtain around their faces. His hands trailed up the backs of her thighs to grab her ass.

"Take off your blouse," he ordered sternly as he broke the kiss. Genevieve didn't hesitate and unbuttoned the garment painfully slow as he continued stroking her before she let it drop from her shoulders. Snape's gaze flickered over her body as he reached up to unclasp her bra, letting it fall on top of her discarded blouse. His tongue immediately connected to her nipples and carefully swirled around each one, his cock throbbing in the constraints of his trousers at the little gasps and noises that she made.

"Severus," she breathed softly, her chest rising and falling quickly as her heart skipped beats. "I need you."

"Where do you need me, princess?" he responded huskily, his hand between her thighs and stroking her pussy through her soaked panties. "Here? Oh, pretty girl, look at you. What a whining little mess you are, and all soaked for me? My darling, I've yet to touch you, so desperate..."

Genevieve blushed deeply as she moved her hips against his hands in a lame attempt for any sort of friction. However, she knew it would be absolutely pointless when he pulled his hand back and steadied her hips. "Please, Professor, I'll be a good little whore for you."

"Prove it," Severus growled as he forced her to meet his eyes by roughly grabbing her throat. "Get on your knees, pretty girl, show me how good of a whore you are."

Genevieve's heart practically stopped at the command and she did what he said without any back talk or objection. As she sat back on her heels and tied her hair back, Severus had undone his trousers and untucked his shirt, releasing his cock from its restraints. She grabbed it firmly, dragging her tongue from the base to the tip as she met his eyes. His fingers threaded through her dark hair and he gripped her ponytail tightly as she swirled her tongue around the head, slowly taking more into her mouth.

It was obvious that he was impatient and irritated, but Genevieve still hadn't expected it when he pushed her head down and forced her to take his whole length. She gagged and coughed as she pulled back, her eyes watering at the intrusion.

Severus's eyes were clouded with lust as he once again forced her down, but this time she had relaxed her throat which made it much more manageable. The sound of her gagging and choking each time his cock hit the back of her throat made his heart thump against his chest rapidly, the feeling of her tongue swirling the head making his body go numb.

"Fuck," he moaned, continuing to control her mouth with her hair. "Don't stop, princess. Merlin, please don't stop."

Stomach fluttering at the encouragement, Genevieve closed her eyes. She continued gagging, the reflex causing tears to slide down her face, but she controlled herself. She grew to enjoy the suffocating sensation of his cock hitting the back of her throat, so when he pushed her off by yanking her hair, she found that she craved that feeling again.

"Bend over the sofa," he demanded as he stood, finally letting his trousers drop to the floor. Genevieve scrambled to her feet and did as she was told, sighing as he pushed her skirt past her hips and pulled her panties down just enough to fuck her. He pushed his cock deep inside her on a low moan, using the fabric of her skirt to control her hips. Genevieve gasped, her mind completely fuzzy and legs weak. "Merlin, you're such a good girl."

"Harder," she panted as she inhaled sharply, little moans sitting in the back of her throat. Her eyes were closed tightly, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Please, Professor."

Her little pleas were incredibly enticing and Snape obliged, now ruthlessly pounding into her. Genevieve moaned loudly with each thrust of his hips, desperately moving hers back in time with him. With a quick movement, his hand came in contact with her ass which made her cry out. She knew he was close; his cock pulsed inside her and she desperately wanted to feel him finish.

"Yes daddy, come inside me," she sputtered without thinking. Her brows furrowed as she said it, but Severus appeared to like it.

"That's right, say it again," he demanded, slapping her ass twice more. She moaned as she gripped the sofa, biting her lip hard as he kept at his pace. "Beg for it, princess."

"Please daddy," she gasped. "Please come inside me. I'm your pretty little cum slut."

With a guttural moan, Severus gripped her hips tightly as he filled her up with his cum, remaining completely still and panting as he did so. When he pulled out, Genevieve immediately collapsed against the sofa, but Snape turned her over and pulled her hips towards the edge of the cushion as he caught his breath.

"You were such a good girl for me, princess," he started as he roughly pulled her panties completely off and peppered kisses along her inner thighs. Genevieve wiped the remainder of her tears away as her legs trembled. "You deserve to be rewarded, making me come like that."

Genevieve reached up and pushed his sweaty hair out of his face, her eyes hazy as she met his gaze. She moaned as he drew his tongue up her pussy, cleaning up and swallowing all of his cum before he swirled around her clit. Severus pulled her legs over his shoulders as he ate her, enjoying the sweet little sounds that came out of her mouth as he did so. Her head was laid against the back of the sofa now as her chest heaved and she squirmed, and with a few hard sucks on her clit, Genevieve came hard and squirted which Snape lapped up quickly and excitedly. As soon as she had come down from her high, he stood up and fixed his clothes. Genevieve just laid against the sofa, her head spinning.

"I knew you had daddy issues," he said as he tucked his shirt back into his trousers. The witch's cheeks turned a dark pink as he wiped his mouth with his sleeve. "But I wasn't expecting that."

"I'm sorry," she said as she finally sat up, pushing her sweaty hair out of her face. She continued wiping away the tears that streamed down her face. "I won't do it again."

"No, I liked it. Merlin, it was so attractive," he admitted with a sigh. She made a grabbing motion with her hands and he sat beside her, peppering gentle kisses along her cheeks. "Oh, pretty girl, was that too much?"

"No, I would've used the safe word if it was," she mumbled as she crawled into his lap. He kissed the top of her head as she laid against him, his hand absentmindedly rubbing the middle of her back. She stayed there for a moment as she attempted to regain her breath. "My brain is just buzzing."

"Can I get you something?" he asked as he held her close. Genevieve slumped against him as she buried her face in his neck.

"Can we take a bath? Together?"

"Of course we can," Severus whispered as he kissed her head one last time. Genevieve truly couldn't move, so when he stood, he held her against him with her arms draped over his shoulders and her legs around his waist as he walked towards the washroom. He rested her on the wooden stool that was tucked beneath the sink before he turned the hot water on and ran the bath.

"You're so beautiful, you know that?" he murmured sweetly as he got down on his knees in front of her. She met his eyes hazily and pushed his hair out of his face as she offered a tired smile, nodding as she leaned in and kissed him.

"You make me feel that way," she responded. Severus smiled into the kiss and then pressed his lips to her forehead. As the bath filled, Genevieve shimmied out of her skirt - the one remaining article she was wearing - and kicked it towards the door as Severus grabbed a wash cloth. He soaked it with soap and warm water, using it to clean her up carefully. He sighed as he acknowledged the bruises forming on her hips. "Don't worry about those, Severus, I can go into Hogsmeade and get bruise healing paste."

"Sometimes, it bothers me with how rough I can get with you, even if it's consensual and we both like it in the moment. I don't like hurting you. You've already done enough of that to yourself."

"I haven't done it in several weeks, Severus," she mumbled. He turned towards the bath and twisted the knob to turn off the water. She stood, legs wobbling, but got in the bath, reaching her arms out for him. He stripped and got in without a second thought as he sat facing her, pulling her close to him. Her legs wrapped over his hips and she sat between his legs. "Believe me, my darling, I am okay. It's really hot to me to be used like that."

Snape didn't know how to respond, but he lifted his hand now wet from the bath and stroked her cheek with the pad of his thumb. She leaned into his touch and smiled softly. "I'm really happy that you're back, Genevieve. I missed you, and not just your physical presence, I missed _you_. I haven't seen this smile of yours in what seems like a very long time."

"It feels nice to think so clearly," she admitted as she turned to kiss his palm. She leaned up and kissed him, cupping his face in her hands. "I can focus on teaching, on my research, on you... I haven't felt this in a while, Severus. You said you took care of yourself, what did you do?"

Severus paused, unsure if he liked how she turned the topic of conversation back on him, but returned her kiss sweetly. "I, uh, I got a therapist, in the Muggle world."

Genevieve stifled a laugh, but immediately stopped when she saw the look on his face. "Okay, not laughing at the fact you've got a therapist. I support that. I'm laughing that you've turned to the Muggle world for something."

He shrugged, his cheeks flushed. "They helped you, I thought they would be able to help me too. I don't want to be angry and scared all the time."

"Is your therapist a magical being?"

"She's a witch, yes," he responded. "I don't think I would be able to explain to a Muggle what I went through without being locked up."

Genevieve bit her lip, racking her brain for a proper way to phrase her question. She didn't want to intrude and she'd never want to pry at the trauma he endured, but she was curious. She wanted to build something with him, but she knew there would always be this wall up between them if he didn't say anything. It would definitely aid in their communication.

"Would you ever tell me what happened?" She reached up and stroked his jaw with the back of her hand as Severus grabbed the washcloth again and cleaned off her chest.

"Maybe one day," he sighed, pushing her hair over her shoulders. "Your hair has gotten so long, pretty girl. I don't remember it being like this."

"Perks of being in a mental hospital. Nothing sharp anywhere," she teased as she kissed the corner of his mouth softly. "Maybe I'll get a trim sometime this week, but I think I like it at this length."

Snape resisted the urge to make a sexual joke and instead licked his lips as he responded, "I think you look beautiful either way. Whichever you feel more comfortable with."

She could only smile. Everything felt perfect.


	13. PART THIRTEEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: brief mention of body image issues

"You're certain he's dead?"

"Extremely."

Snape ran his fingers through his hair as he leaned back in his chair. Upon hearing the news of Harry and his friends returning with the Sorcerer's Stone and the death of Professor Quirrell, he was stressed. He knew what was coming and that fueled his anxiety, though he had already caught on that the former Defense Against the Dark Arts professor was aiding the Dark Lord. Dumbledore pressed his palms into his desk as he stood.

"We need to keep an eye on him, Albus," Severus asserted coldly, his lips slightly pursed as he stared down the Headmaster. "Please. It's imperative now."

"You and I both know that we're doing the best we can, Severus," Dumbledore responded. He made his way around his desk and leaned against the front. "I'm more worried about you and your judgment. Perhaps Genevieve is clouding your brain and it was a mistake to bring her in. You've grown soft, Severus."

"I can still do what you've asked of me," he snapped as he leaned forward. "She has nothing to do with this and you know that."

"She's valuable, and I know you know that." Dumbledore adjusted his sleeves as he made his way over to the bookshelf, filing through the endless bound parchments until he reached a very specific one. "Tell me, Severus, what do you know about healing magic?"

"It's ridiculously hard to master besides the basic few spells, more so than occlumency and legilimency," Snape responded through his teeth. "Why does this matter, Albus?"

"I do not know another witch or wizard with such an accomplished, sharpened ability in healing magic. What does that say to you about this situation, Severus?" He turned to a page in his book regarding healing magic and placed it in front of him. "The Dark Lord will rise, we both know this. He was here tonight in part through Quirinus. Should He hear of her skills that puts her in danger and you in a difficult position. You need to shift your focus towards The Order and not this emotional entanglement."

"I am watching out for Potter like you've asked," Snape spoke sharply. He glanced at the pages of the book, skimming the relation of healing magic with dark magic. The connections made his heart pick up and his thoughts race at the idea of her talents in the wrong hands. "Honestly, Albus, I've no idea why you question my actions. I do what is asked of you and I do it well. And Genevieve would never succumb to the Dark Lord, no matter how valuable her skills are. She would choose death over it. You know she would."

"You're more than lucky for what I've done for you," Dumbledore retorted, his voice raised. Severus felt his extremities go numb. "I saved you from a life sentence in Azkaban. Do you truly think your actions here are acceptable?"

"My relations with Genevieve are not affecting my judgment, Severus yelled. "I don't understand why you insist she is. The boy is alive and we know He is coming. Right now, as long as he remains with his wretched aunt and uncle in London for the summer, he will be fine. He's reckless not stupid. Love is not a weakness, Albus. It's a motivator."

* * *

Severus despised the heat. The rising temperatures were one of very few things that could drive him to be irritable around his teaching aide; first was the insolence that took a human form in Hogwarts students, second was her fiery attitude, but third was most definitely the heat. As the students left for the summer, Genevieve was saddened to see them go but reminded herself another year would bring the children back and introduce her to new faces. She was quite excited by that idea, but what was more alluring to the young witch was the three month span that she would be able to spend with Snape - _just_ with Snape. Excitement consumed her at the thought.

That day in particular, as the hot sun beat down on the Hogwarts castle, Genevieve had planned a cute little adventure for her and Severus. She had spent the morning gathering some of their favorite foods and packed them neatly in a little wicker basket while he worked on finalizing grades for the potions courses. He had his stressed face on all morning; brows furrowed, lips pursed, and palm pressed to his forehead. Seeing him so stressed was upsetting to the young witch and she wanted to make his day a little better.

"My darling, it's way too hot outside," Severus sighed as she held onto his hand tightly. Genevieve had a little bounce in her step as she dragged him to the courtyard, the little wicker basket in her free hand as she walked barefoot. She had made Snape hold her heels, which he truthfully didn't mind. It was... cute, the way she lit up at the small gesture. Her dark hair bounced over her shoulders as she hopped, which made his heart skip a beat.

"Then take off your jacket, Severus," she huffed as she stopped and turned to face him. The contrast between their attire was striking; Genevieve wore a floral knee-length summer dress with a squared collar with short puffer sleeves while he wore his signature black suit. Even in the blistering heat, and it was irritating.

"No," he said sternly. Genevieve sighed and opened the basket, pulling out the blanket for the two of them to sit on. Severus had placed down her shoes and stood back, trying to figure out exactly what she had been doing. "What are you up to, princess?"

"I packed us a picnic," she beamed as she looked up at him. She folded her hands in front of her as she waited for his response, and he could not help but crack a smile at her childlike excitement. His previous annoyance for these kinds of endeavors had faded months ago. "Do you like it?"

"I love it," Severus managed. He sat down on the blanket and crossed his legs beneath him and Genevieve did the same before she dug further into the basket.

"I baked some bread this morning and I went into town to get fresh butter," she stated excitedly. She took out little glass storage containers, a small one of butter with a little knife and another of sliced bread. "And I got fresh watermelon and strawberries, and some carrots and cucumbers with hummus..."

As she started listing all of the foods she had packed, Severus had begun to daze off, only focusing on the way she existed. He enjoyed the way the freckles on her face and shoulders darkened with exposure to the sun, his favorite freckle being the one on her top lip. He would never tell her, though. Her hair was loosely curled that day, he noted - it was probably part of her effort to look nice, but she always did. At least to him. Manic depression and all, she was a beautiful human.

"You're not listening," she huffed after a minute or so. Severus met her eyes and his brows furrowed as he processed what she had said.

"I'm sorry, my darling," he apologized softly. "You look beautiful today, have I said that yet?"

His heart skipped a beat at the way her cheeks reddened and her smile became intoxicating. Genevieve sat back on her heels as she continued pulling out glass storage containers and three glass bottles. One of them was pumpkin juice, one water, and the remainder was red wine. Severus still could not take his eyes off of her. "Thank you," she said after a moment. "I still think you should take off your jacket, Severus. And I can pull your hair up, it's quite hot out today."

"I'm fine," he insisted again, though he knew he wasn't. The summer heat and black clothes did not mix very well, and soon he was sweating. Genevieve exhaled irritably and crawled over to him, grabbing his hand.

"What's going on with you?" she asked softly, pushing some of his sweaty hair out of his face. "Why are you so insistent on suffering in the heat?"

"I'm fine," he repeated sternly, pulling his hand back from her. She licked her lips as she tried to figure out how to respond, but anger bubbled in her chest. She could not name a single reason why she would be angry, and perhaps she was mislabeling the feeling entirely, but she most certainly felt something incredibly unpleasant.

"You're not," she said a bit harsher. She tucked her hair behind both of her ears and tilted his chin up with her finger, forcing his dark eyes to meet hers. "Talk to me."

When Severus didn't respond, Genevieve sighed and backed off, moving back to the other side of the picnic blanket. The mood had definitely shifted and she attempted to open some of the glass storage containers to eat some of the fruit she had packed. He eyed the way she visibly grew upset, and his chest ached when he realized he had done that. Her light faded.

"I'm sorry," Snape mumbled. "I didn't mean to ruin your plans. I really appreciate the effort you put into it."

"It's fine, Severus," Genevieve said, her voice small. "If it's too hot for you, I can pack it up and we can eat inside instead."

"No," he interjected. "No, we can eat outside. It's not that hot out."

"You confuse me," she mumbled as she reached for more fruit. The pair sat in silence as she ate, but Severus could not bring himself to pick up anything. After a while, she realized he had not touched any of the food.

"Do you not like it?" she asked, voice wavering. She fought back tears, overwhelmed by her failed attempt at a nice day. Severus shook his head and reached out to grab her hands, bringing them to his lips as he pressed kisses along her soft skin.

"I do like it," he insisted as he pulled her into his lap. She wiped the tears from her eyes, trying not to let them fall down her face and ruin her makeup. She had done enough of that over the last year. "I just have a lot on my mind."

"Like what?" Genevieve picked at her fingers as she waited for his response, chewing the inside of her cheek. She refused to give into his affections but allowed him to keep her in his lap.

"I... don't like how I look," he admitted softly. Genevieve's expression softened, and she tilted his chin up to meet her eyes. She didn't quite understand that feeling; to her, he was perfect and she had seen him naked plenty of times. "I don't like the heat because I don't like that I can't just.. hide my body."

"Severus," she sighed, stroking his jaw with her thumb. "You are beautiful, you know that? Everything about you is utterly perfect, mijn schatje. I don't want you to overheat. I would rather we eat inside than you get heat stroke."

Snape rested his hands on the curve of her waist as she cupped his face in her soft hands. "Believe me, Severus, there is absolutely nobody I would rather be with. If anything, I'm the imperfect one."

"Now that's ridiculous," he mumbled as she kissed his forehead. "You are more than beautiful."

The two sat that way for a moment, Genevieve peppering kisses on his lips every so often. He twirled one of her dark curls and tossed it over her shoulder. "We can eat out here," he repeated. "I'll take my jacket off."

"And you'll still be beautiful," she reassured as she climbed off his lap and back towards the other end of the blanket. She tried not to make a big deal out of the ordeal and took out two wine glasses to pour the red wine into as he took off his jacket and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. Severus had to admit to himself, the heat was much more bearable without that layer. Genevieve handed him a glass of wine before continuing: "Let me pull your hair up, you'll be much more comfortable."

Severus closed his eyes as she used one of her elastics to pull his dark hair out of his face - or, more specifically, what _could_ be pulled out of his face - and tucked loose strands behind his ears. He grimaced slightly at the thought of what he looked like, but it was definitely much more comfortable. He hated when she was right. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now eat something, I baked you bread for Merlin's sake," she sighed as she handed him the container with the fresh bread. He smiled and took a slice, biting a piece off and chewing it. Baking was one of her many small talents, which he wasn't quite sure how she had mastered it. Despite the fundamentals of baking and potion making being incredibly similar, he could not figure out how she made such delicious treats. Perhaps that's why he hated how he looked; she was constantly feeding him.

"It's delicious, like the rest of your baking," he said as he continued eating. Genevieve, now pleased with herself, took a slice of bread and buttered it lightly before she ate it. "Despite the fact that it makes me gain weight."

"Severus," she sighed irritably. She put her bread down and stared at him, the look on her face making his heart rate pick up. He braced himself to be yelled at or ridiculed for admitting to something he fought so hard to guard. "You barely ate anything before. Getting you to take a break from your work was an absolute chore. You're eating normally like a 33 year old man should be eating, and if that means you're gaining weight then that's how your body works. Don't be upset with yourself. You are beautiful and incredibly sexy the way you are."

"Are you sure?" he asked as he stared down at the bread in his hand. Genevieve reached out and grabbed his free hand, squeezing it tightly.

"I promise."

The pair sat there for a while, mindlessly chatting as Genevieve encouraged him to eat. She had managed to get him to eat some of the fruit and vegetables she had packed as well as drink tons of water and most of the bottle of wine. As the sun shifted into hours of the late afternoon, Genevieve chewed on her lip as adrenaline pumped through her body.

"Severus," she said sweetly, tracing her finger over the rim of her wine class. She paused to acknowledge the nude lipstick that decorated the sides as she attempted to prolong the question she was supposed to ask.

"Yes, princess?" he answered. Her eyebrows were drawn together and her dark eyes appeared to be focusing on something, but he could not tell if it was tangible or if she had spaced out. He reached a hand out to grab hers, giving it a squeeze. "Come here, pretty girl, what is it?"

Wine glass in hand, Genevieve crawled back into his lap and pushed a few loose strands of his dark hair out of his face. "Do you remember right before Christmas break when we talked about how we wanted to explore things and see where they go?"

"Yes," he confirmed warily, not exactly sure of where this was going. His stomach churned uncomfortably and he took a few sips of wine to try and calm his nerves. The small voice in his brain was telling him that even after a beautiful day where she took time out of her day to sit and have a nice picnic with her that this meant she was going to leave. He tried to remember what his therapist had told him, but he didn't have to go into that when she continued her train of thought.

"I.. uh, I-" she bit her lip as she met his eyes, thumb stroking his jaw softly. "I want to be... with you." She then muttered something quite inaudible in Dutch, a habit she had whenever she was nervous or feeling a lot of intense emotions in her head.

"My darling, I don't speak Dutch and my translation charms aren't the sharpest," he admitted, pushing her dark hair over her shoulder. He leaned in and kissed her softly, his heart beating wildly at her question. "You're going to have to tell me what you said in _English_ , pretty girl."

"I asked if you wanted to start a relationship with me," she clarified as she averted her gaze. Part of her was terrified that he would reject her, but part of her felt so at home in his arms, in his bed, in his _life_ that she hoped her self-doubt was simply irrational.

Without any hesitation, Severus responded, "Yes, my darling. I would love that more than anything."

The genuine smile that spread across Genevieve's features made his heart warm, and as she leaned in to kiss him, he returned it just as intensely. Snape put his wine glass down, cupping her face in his hands as he did.

"Just to clarify," she laughed as she broke the kiss. Her lipstick was smeared now, and Severus used his thumb to try and wipe it away. "Can I call you my partner? To my friends back home, to my parents..."

"Yes," he confirmed as he offered her a smile. It was clear to Genevieve how tired he seemed, and she wondered how emotionally draining today had been for him with the students leaving, grades finishing, and now an eventful picnic where she had somehow gotten a new insecurity to surface. "You can call me your partner."

"Okay," she sighed. Her smile wouldn't leave her face as she stood from his lap, starting to pack up the picnic she had set up for them. Severus sat back and watched her, his eyes now catching the curve of her jaw, the bridge of her nose, and her collarbones. He didn't mean to seem like he wasn't slacking or being lazy, but Genevieve turned to face him. "Severus."

"I know I already said it, but you look beautiful," he repeated before he started cleaning up the slight mess the two of them had made. As he stood, he took initiative to fold the blanket and grab her heels that she had discarded hours ago. "I feel like I could use a nap. What do you think, my darling?"

"A nap sounds wonderful," she agreed as she laced her fingers with his. She pulled the back of his hand to her lips, peppering soft kisses on his skin as they walked back towards Snape's quarters. She practically lived there lately, so as they set everything down and climbed into bed, both of them felt at peace with themselves and their now official relationship. But part of Snape still wondered about what Dumbledore had told him earlier.

He could not lose Genevieve to the Dark Lord. Not the way he lost Lily.


	14. PART FOURTEEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: coping with self-harm urges, depiction of suicidal ideation

"Severus," Genevieve called out from her common room. She fiddled anxiously with her fingers, tears welling in her eyes as she desperately called out for him. "Severus, please come here."

Peeking his head from the kitchen, Snape raised a curious brow. Her voice was broken, strained, and overall small and childlike. When she met his eyes, he could see how dim they were and he approached her slowly. "What's happening, princess?"

His voice was warm and hushed as he attempted to soothe her, offering her his hands which she took without any hesitation. She squeezed tightly, focusing on the texture of his skin and how calloused his fingers were. A few tears slipped down her cheeks and he reached up to wipe them away as he pressed a soft kiss to her forehead.

"Gen," he repeatedly softly, bringing her hands to his warm cheeks. "Can you hear me? Can you feel my warm hands and face?"

"Yes," she mumbled as she stroked his face with her thumb. She looked incredibly defeated in that moment, and Severus noticed any thoughts he could gather from legilimency sounded like radio static. "I want to do it."

"I know," Snape sighed as he pulled her closer to him. He petted her head and let his hand fall to her upper back as he rubbed soft circles in it. Her static thoughts were loud. "But you don't have to. I promise everything will be okay when the urge passes."

"I used to do it a lot in your office," she sputtered without thinking. She traced some of the deeper scars on her forearm with her finger. "Even when you raided my quarters and took away all sharp objects and drugged me up on potions, I used to hide some razors in your office. These deeper ones are the most recent from January."

"I'm going through my office again to revise lesson plans and whatnot, so how about we do a sweep? Perhaps that will help with your urges, too." Severus attempted to soothe her in ways he had slowly figured out helped. He found that some textile sensations were incredibly helpful, like wool blankets, but other ways of soothing were much easier for Severus to help with regardless of where they were: his cologne.

"Can we lay in bed?" she asked as she continued to wipe away her tears. "Please, I need to lay down."

Biting his lip, Snape nodded hesitantly. Something about asking to go to bed versus other coping mechanisms felt inherently unhealthy, but he still led her over to the bed and helped her get cozy beneath the thick duvet. "How about we phone your therapist, Gen?"

"Maybe later," she mumbled, holding out her arms for him. "Cuddle."

As he usually did, Severus gave into her soft request and laid against her chest, sighing as her fingers delved through his dark hair. The sensation was soothing to him, and any anxiety that he was feeling in the moment washed away with every stroke of her gentle hands. She had begun to calm down as well, the weight of him on top of her and the smell of his cologne providing her immense comfort.

The couple remained in bed for hours, and Severus only moved away when he realized she had fallen asleep. That immediately worried him. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed to stand, he made his way over to her bookshelf in her common room where she had stashed away numerous self-help books on bipolar disorder. Her therapist had recommended them, and of course Severus had persuaded her to buy them, but mostly for his own benefit. He sat down in the armchair as he read, keeping part of his attention on sounds from her bedroom.

Gen had been in a euthymic state for months now. From the time she was released at the beginning of May until now, late August, she had been symptom free. She struggled, of course, as anyone with bipolar disorder would, but she was relatively healthy with her choices and had made a real attempt to keep up with her therapy and adjust her medications where deemed necessary. He wondered, though, if this was the beginning of an extreme low. He prayed to Merlin that her medication limited the severity and duration as her treatment team had alluded to when she began them.

In the early evening, Gen emerged from her bedroom and stretched, finding Severus cooking in the kitchen. He was by no means the _best_ but it was at least edible and good enough for the both of them. She didn't hate his cooking, but both of them preferred hers. Especially her Dutch cuisine, which he liked a lot more than anything they could find in Scotland.

"What are you cooking?" she asked as she approached her partner, kissing his bicep as she leaned into his arm to see what he was doing. He didn't really glance up as he focused on cooking, but kissed the top of her head.

"I know it's simple, but I thought perhaps we could just have lemon chicken and salad. I really wanted tomatoes tonight, and I know you like vegetables so I just paired them," he said with a shrug. He flipped the chicken over in the skillet as she turned to set the table, placing down two porcelain plates and mixing the salad he had prepared. "Is that okay?"

"Yes, my darling," Gen said as she turned back to face him. "I appreciate it. And you."

Snape's eyes watered at the sentiment and his heart skipped a beat. He had never heard that before from anyone and it made him emotional to know she cared and appreciated him. Perhaps, if he had her during his Hogwarts days, he would never have chosen the path he had going into his young adulthood.

"I hope you're hungry, pretty girl," he said as he wiped the tears from his eyes and turned to the table, placing chicken from the skillet onto each of their plates. Gen took the initiative to serve each of them salad before she grabbed the fresh loaf of bread she had baked earlier that day.

"Believe me, I am," she smiled softly. When she met Severus's eyes, she took note of the concern written within his expression. "What is it, Severus?"

"You would tell me if you were slipping into a depressive episode, right?" he asked softly. He distracted himself by cutting up his chicken to let it cool before he pushed around his salad. His heart pounded rapidly against his chest as he anticipated her answer.

"Yes," she reassured. "I don't think I am, I'm just really tired these last few days. My mother is exhausting and my father... I don't really talk to him but his energy in his attempts to make amends are too."

"Okay," Snape confirmed with a soft smile. "I still think you should phone your therapist, my darling. Maybe get in another session."

"Perhaps after dinner," she said as she cut into her chicken and began eating. She tucked her hair behind her ear and pulled one of her legs up on her chair, now avoiding his eyes as she pressed her knee to her chest. "Severus, I want to visit Luuk's grave sometime this week. Will you come with me?"

"Of course, my love," he responded. He tried to meet her gaze but she avoided it, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes as she continued eating. It was obvious to Severus that she was struggling with her meal and he reached his hand across the table to grab hers. "Do you not have an appetite?"

Gen didn't respond, instead bit her lip and shoved some of her salad into her mouth. She didn't quite have enough energy to engage with him about other things, and as she finished her meal, she put the dishes in the sink and crawled back into her bed. That was the biggest red flag to him. He knew then that phoning her therapist would be the smartest thing he could do.

* * *

"I know it's incredibly late to be saying this," Dumbledore said as he leaned against the front of his desk. Genevieve lingered in the doorway, unsure of what this conversation was going to be about. She took a few steps forward and stopped, convinced that he would be dismissing her from her potions teaching aide post. "Sit down, Genevieve."

"I'm okay here," she asserted as she tucked her arms across her body. "What is this about, Dumbledore? I'm not quite in the mood to have a dragged out conversation."

"I want you to take the Healing Magic teaching post as well as be the Alchemy professor for the upperclassmen alchemy electives," he said bluntly. Gen blinked a few times, uncertain if she had heard him correctly. "I just offered the Defense Against the Dark Arts position to someone new and I realized that perhaps you could take over Healing Magic since the curriculums are so intertwined. We are also in desperate need of an alchemist for the two upperclassmen's alchemy electives anyways. I know alchemy is your primary specialty, but your healing magic skills are unmatched. I want to utilize them."

"I would love to," she said with a soft smile. "What do I need to do to get situated?"

Dumbledore dug through his bookshelf for a bound textbook along with sorting through cabinets for parchments. As he approached his desk, he handed the stack to her. "Those are some old lesson plans from our previous professor. They're a little outdated, so I would recommend reworking them, but other than that all the materials are there. Oh, and you also get the office near the Healing Magic lecture hall and laboratories, so I would recommend cleaning that up and organizing all your materials in it for a more successful start to term."

"Term starts in a week," she grumbled. "You waited this long to give me this post _why_?"

"It just dawned on me," he said with a smile. "I'll leave you to it. Have a good day, Genevieve."

Genevieve was stunned by his offer, but nevertheless turned on her heels to leave. She made her way over to the wing of the castle he had said and unlocked the empty office, acknowledging how much darker the room seemed compared to other offices she had been in. Balancing the materials against her chest with her left arm, she used her right to grab her wand.

"Lumos," she said as she approached the desk. She placed everything down on the dust covered wood, coughing as it created a cloud. She scanned the dark mahogany wood cabinets, taking note of the dark curtain that blocked the window from natural light. She sighed and waved her wand to open in, the August sun that flooded in bringing immense comfort to her. She quite enjoyed having this space; perhaps she wouldn't pester Severus as much now that she had somewhere else to work.

Luckily for Gen, she had learned cleaning spells at a very young age and used enchanted dusters to clean the room of its coating. As they dusted, she began pushing around some furniture to get an idea of how she wanted to lay out the office. But the couches and rugs were musty and she desperately wanted to add her own flare to her new space.

What Gen was most excited about her new space was the fact that, like Severus and the other professors, she would have her name on the door in gold lettering. She felt extremely accomplished in that moment thinking about the way it would soon say _Professor_ _Genevieve de Keyser, Healing Magic & Alchemy_. Tears slid down her face. Luuk would have been so proud of her.

After what seemed like hours of cleaning up her office, she made her way back to the wing with the Potions lecture hall and laboratories to knock on her partner's door. He was frantically writing and completely irritable. She knew it was her fault; she had reworked his lesson plans. "You're quite cheeky," he grumbled when he saw her. "Don't touch my lesson plans."

"I won't be doing that anymore," she grinned. Severus raised a curious brow at her remark, but nevertheless put down his pen and leaned back in his chair.

"Lovely of you to agree," he said hesitantly. He narrowed his eyes as she got all bubbly, unsure what exactly was going on. He did like that she was happy, however; it was a change of pace from her exhausted demeanor, but the circumstances were a bit too odd for him. "You're a bit too cheerful today, my love, what happened?"

"Dumbledore offered me an official teaching post," she gushed, skipping her way over to him. She climbed into his lap, draping her arms over his shoulders as she twirled the hair at the nape of his neck. "Healing Magic and Alchemy. I was just organizing my new, dusty office."

Severus smiled at her news and his heart swelled. "I'm so proud of you, pretty girl," he responded as he kissed her sweetly. She smiled into the kiss and cupped his face in her hands. "You're more than deserving."

"I'm most excited to be addressed as Professor de Keyser," she admitted as she stroked his cheek with her thumb. "I keep thinking about what Luuk would say, how proud he would be of me." Tears welled in her eyes.

"He would be more than proud of you," Snape reassured. He thought back intently on what he remembered of her brother and sighed upon realizing that might have been the only kind person to him during his years at Hogwarts. Perhaps that was part of the reason he was still alive. "From what I remember, he was a pure soul."

"He was," she laughed as she buried her face in his neck. "I'm so happy you got to meet him, even if it wasn't while knowing me."

Biting his lip, Snape tensed under Genevieve as his extremities went numb. He attempted to move his fingers as his therapist had told him to, but when that didn't help and the world became unreal to him, he closed his eyes and accepted the flashback. As Gen sat up, her fingertips brushing his soft skin, she furrowed her brows as he flinched at her touch. She immediately knew this was a telltale sign and studied his face. "Severus? What's happening, my love?"

Her voice was soft, hushed, and slow as she attempted to soothe him. She tried to stand from his lap so that she could grab him water, maybe an icepack to try and ground him, but he immediately pulled her back by her wrists. His grip was tight and she yelped slightly, her own heart beginning to race. But Severus simply held her against his chest. The thudding of his heart against his chest was loud, and she attempted to know what he was thinking through legilimency, but his status as an occlumens prevented it. She racked her brain for what could have triggered him. What did she say? Did she do something? Was there a smell? A sight? She didn't know.

_"You stupid boy," Tobias hissed as he threw empty bottles towards his son. Severus closed his eyes and winced as he dodged them, watching as the glass shattered against the wall. "You do absolutely nothing right, you worthless boy, so why are you even here? Get the fuck out of my face."_

_Severus scrambled to his bedroom and shut and locked the door, running to hide under the bed with his wand tucked by his side. At the mere age of fourteen, he was well into his Hogwarts education and used that as his salvation. He read his mother's copy of Advanced Potions Making with tears in his eyes in an attempt to curb his thoughts, but he couldn't think clearly. His chest ached as tears streamed down his face, and he covered his ears at the way his father now yelled at his mother. Desperate to get away, he packed his bag with his book, wand, and some potions, and snuck out his bedroom window to run towards the lake._

_He collapsed against the wet grass and frantically flipped through his book, tears streaming down his cheeks as he attempted to read the label on the flasks he had brought. One of them caught his attention – it was something he had brewed to use on his abusive father and later his mother, but could not bring himself to use: Potion No 86. It was a highly dangerous, poisonous potion, capable of inducing death, and he was surprised he was even able to brew it. Severus was overcome with numbness as he fiddled with the cork. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. Lily was gone. He was useless._

"Severus, you're worrying me," Genevieve said softly. She sat up from his arms and wiped away the tears that streamed down his face as he appeared to register with his reality. As he looked at her, he cupped her face in his hands, which threw her off, and he pushed her hair out of her face before kissing her forehead. Quiet sobs got stuck in his throat and his entire body was shaking.

"My love," she sighed as tears welled in her eyes. Her entire body ached at the sight, though she was still unsure of what had caused the episode. She had never seen anything like this in him; he was engaged with his overwhelming emotions instead of having an internal panic attack or dissociating, and it confused her. She didn't know what to do but tried her best to soothe him. "What happened?"

"I don't know," he repeated a few times. Genevieve smoothed the hair on the top of his head and kissed his forehead, blinking back tears as she watched him unravel. His crying intensified into loud sobs and elicited fear in her. Fear for his safety, and subconsciously fear for her safety.

"I'm going to get you Draught of Peace," she said as she kissed his head once again and stood from his lap. He shook his head repeatedly, gripping onto her arms as he tried to keep her on his lap. She seethed in pain and pulled back roughly against his restraints. "Severus, let me help you. Let me get up and get the potion."

He only started crying harder, tears dripping off his chin and snot from his nose. Gen raced across the room to gather a flask Draught of Peace from the cabinet as well as tissues before turning back to her partner. She helped him drink it, and as he started calming down, she hugged his head against her body, stroking his dark hair and humming some sort of tune.

As Severus's cries died down to quiet sniffles, he fell limp against her body, eyes drifting shut. He still trembled, but less violently, and her entire being ached at the idea of him working himself up so severely. Gen licked her lips and cleared her throat.

"What happened?" She said after he quieted down. The witch continued providing simple affections, acknowledging how small and defeated he seemed in that moment, and he leaned into it, taking immense comfort in how soft she had always treated him through everything. "Do you know what triggered this, my darling?"

When Severus didn't respond, she worried and knelt in front of him, using her forefinger to tilt his chin up to meet her eyes. She carefully wiped away his tears, offering a sympathetic smile, and he sniffled as she cupped his face so sweetly, so carefully, like he was made of glass. He felt like he was, and she feared she might break him. "I had a flashback," he barely mumbled. "About my childhood."

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked as she continued stroking his soft skin. Gen could see the hesitance in his eyes as he processed what or even _if_ he wanted to say anything. He wanted to open up to her, to tell her everything that had happened to him, but he was so scared of her leaving when she found out that he refused to say anything. Severus sorted his thoughts, trying to think of a transparent way to simplify what had happened.

"Do you remember Potion No. 86?" he said as he closed his eyes. Genevieve thought incredibly hard about what that potion was, and it took her much longer than she expected to remember given her background in alchemy. She remembered it was in their Advanced Potions Making textbook from her sixth year, but the moment she remembered she got the worst feeling in her gut.

"It's deadly and highly poisonous," she whispered. "What about the potion, Severus?"

Snape's tears once again started streaming down his cheeks, this time silently as he admitted, "I tried to ingest it as a teenager. I wanted everything to stop. I was so tired of home, of school, I was alone. I had nothing to live for."

Genevieve's heart completely broke at his confession and she fought her own tears. There were many things she had assumed about him over the years — anger being the largest — but suicidality was not a thought that had crossed her mind. She was never suicidal before, and it was hard for her to comprehend what could have led him to such a detrimental thought process.

"Sweetheart," she started softly, her voice cracking and her thoughts trailing. She paused to gather them, uncertain of how she wanted to proceed with the conversation. "I'm glad you didn't do it. You may not know it, or recognize it, but you are deserving of love and kindness. I'm sorry you were so mistreated."

"I wasn't mistreated, that's an understatement," he said as he pulled back from her. She watched him wipe his eyes, uncertain of what he was about to say. "I was abused. My parents abused me. Luuk was the only kind person I'd met who seemed to care."

"Did you ever tell him?" she asked as she sat back on her heels. "About what was happening at home?"

"He had things going on at home and I didn't want to bother him."

Gen bit her lip. "I'm sorry you suffered alone, Severus. Whatever your childhood was like, it's not going to happen anymore. You are safe with me here, and I value you and appreciate you as a person. You are worth so much to me, more than I would have ever thought. You don't have to be afraid anymore, Severus. I'm not going anywhere."


	15. PART FIFTEEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: smut

"You were seen! By no less than _seven Muggles_. Do you have any idea how serious this is?"

Snape slammed the newspaper down on his office desk as he looked over at Ron and Harry, eyes flickering with anger. But even that was an understatement; Severus was fuming. The two Gryffindors tucked their hands behind their back and Ron avoided eye contact, blue eyes tracing the pattern on the floor while Harry unfocused his eyes and looked at the wall behind the professor.

"You have risked the exposure of our _world_. Not to mention the damage you inflicted on a Whomping Willow that has been on these grounds since _before you were born_."

"Honestly, Professor Snape, I think it did more damage to us," Ron mumbled as he finally looked up at the Potions Master. Snape felt his anger bubble in his chest, completely disregarding any and all methods of calming himself down as recommended by his therapist.

"Silence!" Snape yelled, slamming his palms down. He stood hastily, walking around the wooden desk. "I assure you, were you in Slytherin and your fate rested with me, the both of you would be on the train home tonight. As it is—"

"They are not." Coming from the doorway, Dumbledore and McGonagall approached the trio. Annoyance was written across McGonagall's face and she raised a brow, her lips pursed.

"Professor Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall," Harry muttered and he and Ron turned towards the two of them. Both had regrets written on their features and Ron chewed his lip nervously.

"Headmaster," Severus started as he pointed an accusing his fingers at the two boys. "These boys have flouted the Decree for the Restriction of Underage Wizardry. As such—"

"I'm well aware of our bylaws, Severus, having written more than a few myself. However, as Head of Gryffindor House, it is for Professor McGonagall to determine the appropriate action." Dumbledore ushered the boys to move away but the anger towards the entire situation still left Snape bitter. He narrowed his eyes irritably and McGonagall raised a brow.

Ron looked up gloomily at McGonagall, shuffling his feet. "We'll go and get our stuff."

"What are you talking about, Mr. Weasley?" That sentence made Snape roll his eyes and he stormed out of his own office, making his way towards his partner's office where he knew she would either be working out lesson plans and making sure the start of classes the next day would go smoothly or eating her lunch. Perhaps both. Truthfully, he didn't want to bother her, but if she didn't calm him down he swore he would _Crucio_ those boys.

As he rounded the corner into her office, Genevieve was both eating lunch and organizing parchments. She was forking some pasta, something she had reheated from the night before, and raised a brow at the way he barreled into her work space. "Severus," she grumbled. "You're pissed. What happened?"

"I swear to Merlin I'm going to Crucio Potter and Weasley," he huffed as he threw himself down in the chair in front of her desk. She stifled a laugh which only made him angrier, but she organized her parchments and put her fork down as she walked around her desk to be near him. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders from behind him and kissed his cheek softly, rubbing his arms soothingly.

"I'm sure whatever they did didn't warrant this response, my love," she reassured as she kissed the top of his head. "Remember, your feelings are valid but this isn't a healthy way to cope with them. How about we do a breathing exercise?"

"I'm not in the mood for one of those," he pouted. She stifled another laugh and moved to sit in his lap, kissing his forehead as she did. He rested his hands around her waist and sighed as she pushed his hair out of his face and kissed him.

"Have you eaten lunch yet?" she asked, attempting to steer his negative emotions towards something a bit more tangible. He shook his head and she sighed. "You need to set time aside to eat, Severus. You need to take care of yourself."

"I'll eat later," he insisted. Genevieve didn't take that as an answer and grabbed her bowl of pasta off her desk, handing it to him. "Eat. I have other things I can heat up. If the last time you ate was this morning when I fed you breakfast, then I guarantee you're angry because you haven't eaten."

Snape rolled his eyes but nevertheless took the bowl of pasta from her. She got up off his lap and returned to her desk to organize her parchments, deciding in what order she wanted to start the term tomorrow. Now that she was organizing seven years worth of healing magic materials as well as two alchemy electives, she was stressed beyond belief. She had a week to do this and she still wasn't done.

"You look more stressed than I am," Severus noted as he ate the pasta. He had to admit, it did make him feel a little better. "Can I do anything to help?"

"You know nothing about healing magic, so no," she said bluntly. It sounded a lot more condescending than she would have liked and pressed her lips together as she looked up at him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to come across like that."

"You're not wrong," he mumbled as he continued eating. "I only know things like _episkey_. And that's just a general healing charm everyone knows to heal small wounds and burns."

"Yet you know a lot about the dark arts," she mumbled as she went back to her work. "Funny how that works."

"And how do you know that?"

She shrugged. "I saw notes in Dumbledore's office about your repetitive application for the Defense Against the Dark Arts post when he was handing me over everything for healing magic. He said something about a new professor being hired for that post and I asked about it."

Snape seethed through his teeth, irritated at how Dumbledore revealed that information. He tried his hardest to keep it from Gen that he was interested in other areas of magic, though not necessarily in the way he was as a teenager. He was intrigued by the defensive aspects now rather than the practice.

"On another note, I suppose I'll be _Crucio_ 'ing Potter, Weasley, and Dumbledore."

* * *

"Gilderoy Lockhart," a smug looking blonde man said holding his hand out to Gen. She raised a curious brow, clearly unamused by his presentation. "But you probably already know me from my books."

"I don't actually," she said bluntly as she shook his hand. "I don't have time for that rubbish. I suppose then that Dumbledore sent you because you're who I'm working with. How unfortunate for me."

Lockhart's eyes narrowed at how blatantly rude Gen was and was taken aback by how she carried herself. Perhaps women were submissive from where he had come from, but there was absolutely no way she would pretend to play dumb. She knew her intelligence in this area was unmatched and this blonde haired buffoon looked like he had the IQ of a walnut.

"You're quite the cocky, arrogant girl, aren't you?" he repeated a little harsher. She rolled her eyes and turned back to the desk in her classroom where she had set down all her materials. She had absolutely no interest in conversing with this man anymore. She knew her talents were up to par, she didn't need a vain man trying to mansplain everything.

"Mhm, sure. But if it were coming from the mouth of a man, you'd be saying I was assertive and confident. Funny how sexism works." She started taking notes as her students filed into her classroom, watching as each house grouped together into their little friends groups they had made at the Start of Term Feast the night before. "I have to teach Gilderoy and I suggest you go do the same. Het is leuk u te ontmoeten. Tot ziens."

Raising a brow at the language she switched to, Gilderoy backed up and irritably left the classroom. As the students settled, she stood with her notes and approached the front of the room.

"Interesting to see all of you back again," she smiled as she looked out into the sea of familiar faces. Her first period class was primarily made of third years. "I know healing magic hasn't been taught at Hogwarts for a long time — not since I was a student. I think it's an adjustment for everyone, so today is going to be a bit laid back and we'll review topics and ethics. However, this class is not for the faint of heart. Healing magic is notoriously hard to master, and if you don't put yourself completely forward and invest yourself into it, you won't pass this class."

Gen passed out the syllabus in stacks, instructing the students to take one and pass the pile on. Once the entire room had a copy, she flipped the document to the second page. "On the second page you'll see the modules for this class. Tomorrow we'll be starting the easiest of charms, _episkey_ , which is used to heal minor cuts and burns. It's important to note that unlike the potions courses I taught last term, this class requires more reading than demonstration and any demonstration that is possible will be simulated through magic. It is not ethical for someone to induce harm for healing purposes, and I expect _none of you_ to try anything so foolish and irresponsible. Should you do so, you'll be taken straight to your Head of House. Am I clear?"

The class murmured in agreement and Genevieve smiled as she continued down the list of materials. The students were extremely intimidated by that statement; she had close relations with Head of Gryffindor and Head of Slytherin. She walked them through the process of a simulation, which was technically just a holographic projection with the same core mechanism as their moving photographs. The hour passed quicker than she would have liked, but as the students left the lecture hall in their little cliques she sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. She absolutely despised Lockhart with her entire being and she would make that everyone's problem being the little drama queen Snape had told her she was.

* * *

If possible, the incoming first years were even more insufferable than the previous year. It was typical of incoming first years to be intimidated by the Potions Master for his cold demeanor, sharp tongue, and bias against Gryffindor House, but for some reason this group of students drove him absolutely mad. Word had gotten around that Severus and Genevieve were a couple, and not knowing what he was like prior, the students seemed to think that would soften him somehow. He was softened, he knew that, but not with his work. Severus and Professor Snape were two separate entities and his frustration with the first years had resulted in borderline abusive behavior. He knew Gen would have his head on a wall should she ever find out or witness how he treated the students, but he was perpetually angry all the time and projected it in unhealthy ways. Perhaps he would have to get another therapy session in before she _Crucio_ 'd him for his behavior.

As first period came to an end and students filed out of the potions laboratory, Snape ran his fingers through his hair in unwavering disappointment and annoyance. The feeling built up in his chest uncomfortably, eliciting a faster heart rate, and made the conscious decision to go visit Gen in her office. She had a second period class while he did not, but there was a five minute break between classes and needed something, _anything_ to calm him down. She was his first thought. He stormed out of his classroom, cloak barreling behind him as the students parted the corridor for him out of utter fear. As he turned into her office, he shut and locked the door before taking his cloak off and tossing it onto her sofa.

Genevieve looked up from her bookshelf, which she was rearranging by area of study: first alchemy, then healing magic, then potions, then transfiguration. She was already quite annoyed with what had happened during first period with Lockhart so she raised a curious brow at how worked up he was. However, her heart skipped a beat as he started unbuckling his belt.

"Bend over the desk, princess," he ordered as he approached her. Gen's stomach did a flip and her breath hitched. She glanced at the clock, acknowledging that she had three minutes to get to her second period class, but did not object to his command. As her trousers and panties dropped to the floor, Severus roughly turned her around and shoved her down against the desk, pressing his hand firmly into her upper back to keep her there. Her heart skipped beats wildly in excitement, though she questioned whether this quickie would make her late.

Severus pressed the head of his cock against the wetness of her pussy and thrust once into her, eliciting a soft moan from his partner. Gen slapped her hand over her mouth to muffle her sounds as he fucked her hard, the desk shaking beneath them. "Be a good girl for me, princess, and I'll reward you later when you're done with class."

Stomach fluttering at the comment, Gen tried her absolute best to remain quiet as he continuously pounded into her but she struggled immensely. Her breath was completely lost as she panted, face pressed against the cool wood and eyes drifting shut. Snape's low moans and grunts alluded to how close he was to finishing, and her heart rate picked up as she remembered she had to be in class soon.

"Severus," she mustered, propping herself up on her elbows as he continued thrusting. "You can't come in me, I don't have time to clean myself up. Please, my love."

With a disapproving groan, Snape pulled out and forced her upright by yanking on her dark hair. She moaned but immediately bit her lip to muffle it as he turned her around and shoved her down on her knees harder than he would normally have. Her brain was buzzing as he pressed the head of his cock to her lips, and she took it without hesitation, letting him fuck her face as he needed it. She was soaked and disoriented now, mind fogged with lust as he used her. She gagged and choked but he kept going until his cock was pulsing.

"Fuck," he growled as he controlled her mouth with her hair. Just as the bell for next period rang, Severus forced her to take his entire length in her mouth until her lips met the base of his cock as he came, forcing her to swallow. As he pulled out, he immediately pulled his trousers up and tucked his shirt in. She did the same but wiped her mouth of the spit and cum dripping down her chin, sighing as she met his eyes. He had definitely given her blue balls. Perhaps that was the fastest quickie she'd ever given him.

Taking her chin between his thumb and forefinger, he forced her to meet his gaze as he kissed her softly. She returned it without hesitation and he used his thumb to wipe away her smeared lipstick. "You're such a good girl, princess. Have fun in class."

The change in his demeanor made her stomach do a flip; he seemed to be less stressed and more relaxed, which made sense because the both of them used sex as their stress relief. It was incredibly attractive to the healing magic professor. Smoothing her hair down and grabbing her books, she left her office to teach, though she knew it would be frustrating to get through with how distracted her mind was.

* * *

"I'm not fond of Lockhart," Gen admitted as she sipped her cup of tea. McGonagall raised her eyebrows and brought her cup to her lips. The healing magic professor cracked a grin; she could see within her mentor's face that she felt the exact same way and she stifled a laugh.

"Perhaps you should give him a chance, dear." McGonagall was not one to talk negatively about other professors, though there was an obvious distaste in the way she behaviorally responded when his name was brought up. It was incredibly amusing to see. For the entirety of her Hogwarts years and the previous year as colleagues, Gen had gotten to know a very different side to Minerva McGonagall. One of them was her use of sarcasm which reminded her of her own mother. When Levina wasn't in an episode of psychosis, that is.

"He called me cocky and arrogant," Gen grumbled as she tapped her fingernails along the side of the porcelain cup. McGonagall hesitated to respond and Gen playfully nudged the transfiguration professor's foot. "Do you think I'm cocky?"

McGonagall bit her lip. "Just the slightest bit. I'm not saying that it's not justifiable given your natural inclinations, but you do flaunt them a little too much in certain conversations. Especially when you were in your seventh year."

The younger witch pouted and racked her brain for a response. Truthfully speaking, she was extremely confident in her ability to perform healing magic as well as her research career in alchemy. She did the work, got good grades, put herself out there, and it finally paid off. She rationalized it as being self-assured, especially since she never had that assurance as a child. Perhaps the front she had put up slowly became her.

"I don't mean to be," she admitted as she placed her cup down in the saucer and onto the coffee table. "My brain was all I had when I was a student."

"I know it was," Minerva responded as she placed a hand on her mentee's knee. "But I know you're more than that. You've always been kind, supportive, and daring. A true Gryffindor. And yet, that comes with consequences. Even so, every person is complex. Like Severus. I think you're the one person that knows him best. You keep him in check, and he keeps you in check. You're quite a nice couple, you know. You balance each other out."

Genevieve nodded as she fiddled with her fingers in her lap. She knew she was lucky to have met him; just as he had saved her life, she had saved his, and together they were better people. He made her a better person. "I've never been in a better place than I am now. It's such a strange concept for me to think about, to be happy. I know he's in a good place too. He tries, as stressed as Potter and his friends make him. But he still hasn't talked to me about their involvement. He keeps that so hidden, besides his involvement with Lily. Do the rest of the professors know about that?"

"Severus tried to keep everything about his involvement with Lily to himself, but Professor Trelawney and a few others pieced things together. I knew because I taught both of them. He never directly told anyone about what happened except for Dumbledore, but I think Severus underestimates people way too much."

"Oh, I know," she grumbled as she ran her fingers through her hair. The healed scars on her wrist peeked out from the long sleeves of her shirt as she did so and Minerva eyed them warily as she watched her mentee tug her sleeves back down.

"How are you doing?" McGonagall asked softly. "I was worried about you, you know. When you were gone in the Muggle world months ago I racked my brain trying to figure out where I had gone wrong as your mentor, where I would have also intervened when you were a stu—"

"You didn't need to intervene," Genevieve reassured as she grabbed her hand.

"I'm your mentor. You were — and still are — like a daughter to me." The room fell silent as Gen's eyes welled with tears. Over the years, she had assumed their relationship was just strictly professional, nothing more and nothing less than two intelligent brains ricocheting thoughts and ideas back and forth. She parted her lips to speak but promptly shut them as she thought about what to say. She didn't expect it. "When Albus and Severus started keeping things from me about you, I felt like I failed you somehow. You know, right when we were telling Severus that we were bringing you back, he mentioned something about your sixth year briefly to Albus that I hadn't understood at the time."

"It was classmate drama and some other things." Minerva sighed and brought her hand to her mentee's cheek, stroking it softly with her thumb. "Believe me, Professor McGonagall, Severus took as best care of me as he could given Dumbledore's requests."

"I just don't understand why he wouldn't involve me," she questioned with her brows furrowed. Genevieve didn't have a response to that. Perhaps, since Snape had been the one to discover her little secret, that it would have been best that the least amount of people possible knew. Apparently that had solely included Dumbledore and him. "What happened? If you don't mind talking about it, that is."

"I made some mistakes that cost me the one good relationship I had going for me and that hit me a bit too hard. Severus used legilimency on me and brought it up to Dumbledore, and there were a bunch of things that happened." She took a deep breath, not sure she was quite comfortable with what she had to say, but knew she should admit to it sooner or later. McGonagall was family to her. "I got an abortion when I was sixteen. Severus helped me with the potion, but I was a wreck afterwards. It's emotionally draining to have one of those, especially as a teenager."

"I don't have any children, but I have nieces and nephews. I couldn't imagine how hard it would be."

"I learned my lesson," she admitted with a sigh. Minerva pulled her mentee in for a tight hug, and Genevieve rested her head against her shoulder as she succumbed to the soft affections. She would have given anything for a mother like this: brilliant yet warm and loving. Yet, she was stuck with a psychotic Squib mother who had just taken back the man who killed their eldest child. Perhaps that was why she was so intent on mastering healing magic.


	16. PART SIXTEEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: minor mental health episode

_This week's potions module was highly anticipated by all Hogwarts students — they would be brewing Amortentia. Highly dangerous, the potion smelled like what you found most attractive, alluding to the scent of your soulmate, but ingesting it made the drinker obnoxiously infatuated with the brewer. Though he was insistent that the olfactory aspect was false, Professor Snape intelligently lectured on the effects of drinking it as well as the history of the potion. Unfortunately, with as many immature students as there were in the advanced potions course, many students had slipped Amortentia into their peers' pumpkin juice which made vials of the antidote a necessity in Snape's personal stores._

_"As you brew," Snape started as he paced within the aisles of the brewing stations. The students watched him intently, though most of them were already daydreaming about what their brew would smell like. "You are allowed to smell Amortentia. But once it is bottled, you are to put it on the back counter with your names labeled on it for grading. Anyone caught slipping it into someone else's pumpkin juice or inserting it elsewhere for ingestion will immediately be taken to their Head of House for the severity of their actions. I expect the same rules to be upheld for Slytherins, so don't think for a second that I will pity you."_

_As the students turned to the cauldrons and began brewing, Genevieve began skimming the instructions to start while Sarah organized the ingredients. They chatted absentmindedly while they did, talking about their day so far and discussing their plans for the rest of the day. With advanced potions being their last class, they almost always met up with their small friends group afterwards. But anxiety had consumed Genevieve over the last few hours; as excited as Sarah had been to brew Amortentia, she had a gut feeling that after this class, things would be different between the two._

_Sarah sat back on her stool, watching the clock and then checking their brew as it simmered. She rested her hand on Genevieve's thigh innocently, stroking it in an affectionate sort of way. The young Hufflepuff's eyes were hazy with the love she felt for her girlfriend and she reached up to push her dark hair over her shoulder._

_"What do you think is going to attract you, babe?" Sarah asked as she checked on the brew. The pearly sheen was completely alluring, and according to the notes in their textbook, it should almost be done. Genevieve pressed her lips together as she thought about what was most attractive to her. She adored the way Sarah smelled like oranges, if that meant anything to her subconsciously. She grabbed her girlfriend's hand and brought it to her lips, kissing along her palms._

_"I'm not sure," Genevieve admitted. As he walked around, Professor Snape tapped his fingers along the wooden surface of the pair's brewing station, eyes narrowed._

_"10 points from Gryffindor and 10 from Hufflepuff. Keep your hands to yourselves," he sneered as he walked by. The girls exchanged a specific look and they stifled giggles. When the brew was finished, Genevieve took the initiative to bottle it._

_"What do you smell?" Sarah asked as her girlfriend held the flask up to her nose. Her pupils dilated as she thought about it, but her heart stopped when none of them reminded her of Sarah. Her blood ran cold._

_"Black coffee, old parchment, and... oh, this last one isn't something I've smelled before. It's masculine, sort of like sandalwood, but not quite?" She furrowed her brows and handed it off, wiping her nose as if it would go away. There was absolutely no way that this was true. Perhaps Professor Snape was right — Amortentia was complete and utter bullshit. "What do you smell?"_

_Sarah inhaled deeply and a smile spread against her dainty features, but Genevieve's heart dropped to her stomach. Something about this was nauseating. "Your hair," she admitted as she smelled it again. "A summer campfire, and cinnamon, like the kind in hot chocolate."_

"If you smell Amortentia, I'll let you do whatever you want to me."

Attention piqued, Severus folded the newspaper he had been reading and raised his signature brow. His eyes scanned his partner's body, acknowledging that she was completely naked except for one of his unbuttoned shirts. It was tempting, he had to admit to himself, but he refrained. There was absolutely nothing that anyone could do that would convince him to smell Amortentia.

"How enticing, my darling, but I don't think a piece of ass — as perfect as yours is — is going to change my mind about Amortentia." Flipping his newspaper open again, the Potions Master resumed reading. His eyes scanned the words, though he processed none of them; it was a desperate yet lame attempt at distracting himself. His heart thumped against his chest at how she looked and it was hard saying no to her.

Snatching the newspaper from her partner's grasp, Genevieve folded it and tossed it on the table as she climbed into his lap. She pushed her dark hair over her shoulder and made the conscious choice to grind down on him. He groaned, upset that his body was betraying him, and rested his hands on her waist as she trailed hot kisses up his neck. It felt like his brain was fogged.

"Gen," he said sternly, trying to gather coherent thoughts. "I'm not smelling Amortentia."

Pouting, Gen sat up and stared at him, exhaling dramatically as his hands dropped from her waist. As awful as it sounded, distracting him with sex was extremely easy and there were multiple things she could get him to do in exchange for an orgasm. "Why not? What's so bad about it?"

"I don't think it's representative of what attraction really is, pretty girl. If anything, it's discouraging when pursuing romantic relations because you become hyperaware of what the Amortentia smelled like instead of getting to know the person." As he spoke, Gen's fingers went to work on his belt in an unsuccessful attempt to unbuckle it. Snape grabbed her wrists firmly, but she didn't stop there.

"Please daddy," she pleaded as she stared at him. Her eyebrows were drawn together and her bottom lip out slightly as she begged, tugging back at his restraints. Her eyes darkened with lust and that, in combination with her little pet name for him in the bedroom, made his cock throb, but he refused to give in. "I'll be such a good girl for you."

"You're being a brat, Genevieve," he warned. His tone grew much more serious and irritable now. Despite his repetitive rejection of her offer, she kept asking in the same way a child would ask a parent for a toy. "I don't know how else to tell you no. End of conversation."

"Please," she whined. "I'll get on my knees for you, you can use me all you want. I'll be so good."

At this point, Severus was more irritated than anything and he let his head fall back against the armchair as he tried to calm himself down. However, that proved to be a failure when, without thinking, he snapped. "Listen to me when I talk to you and learn how to take no for a fucking answer for once in your damn life. Quit being so pestering."

The second those words came out of his mouth, Snape watched the light go out in her eyes and the moment she internally retreated. He knew what that meant — he fucked up. Guilt consumed him as she roughly yanked her arms back from him and climbed off his lap. He made a lame attempt to reach out to her but she shrugged him off as she made her way to the bedroom without another word. The door closed quietly and then the subtle click of the lock sounded; Severus's heart was skipping beats now and he stood immediately to make his way over to the door.

"I'm sorry," he called out as he tapped his palm against the door. "Gen, princess, open the door. Please."

"No."

Severus bit his lip and rested his forehead against the wooden doorframe. Given her history of self-injury and the uncertainty of her mood swings involving her bipolar diagnosis, whenever she locked the door he panicked. His extremities went numb as he racked his brain for something to do or say that would get her to open the door, but he feared perhaps she was doing something that wasn't reversible.

"I didn't mean it, princess," he insisted. "Please open the door."

"Go away, Severus. Leave me alone."

"Not until I know you're safe," he responded. If anything, that reply had made her even angrier at him and he jumped back when she threw something heavy at the door. He blinked, not exactly expecting that, and tears welled in his eyes. The two had never really gotten into a situation like this before. Sure, strictly as colleagues they quarreled all the time, but they were simply in gridlock projecting their own traumas and insecurities. It was never as personal as this was, and he knew he could not yell at her. It was his fault. "Pretty girl, please."

Gen had redressed herself in the bedroom and crawled into the dark sheets that covered Snape's large bed with the thick duvet tucked to her shoulders. Her chest ached; she felt like when she was a child and she desperately wanted her mother to spend time with her and Luuk. She would have done anything for her mother for a short moment to show that she loved her. So in this moment, Gen felt small, childlike; she desperately wanted to cope with all these negative emotions with a razor to her skin like she had for the last six years despite knowing all the consequences. Surely Severus would check her when she opened the door.

_"Stop fucking bothering me, Genevieve," Levina growled as she pushed her young daughter back from the table she had been working on. Her blue eyes darted back and forth as she frantically organized whatever the hell was spread across the kitchen table. She shoved many parchments together, separated others, and talked out loud like she was having a conversation. "And take that goddamn cat with you, it's fucking annoying."_

_Genevieve blinked back tears as she looked up at Luuk, stunned that her own mother had shoved her back like that. She hid behind her brother, hugging his leg as she wiped her nose with her sleeve. They didn't have a cat._

_"Mam, don't talk to Gen like that," Luuk defended as he raised his voice. Even at the mere age of fourteen, he took it upon himself to protect his sister from the cyclical ups and downs of their mother. He turned to Genevieve and mumbled something softly to her in Dutch, and she went to the back door to wait to go play in the snow. "She's seven. Do you know how impressionable she is? To think her own mother doesn't want her?"_

_"I don't want her here right now," Levina continued. "I have things to do, get her the fuck out of my house."_

_The frantic organizing continued as Levina began pairing things, her muttering becoming a lot louder and incoherent as she checked and rechecked all of the work she had laid out. Genevieve took Luuk's hand as they stepped into their backyard and she gasped as she ran into the snow to make snow angels._

Genevieve's cries turned into loud sobbing as she pressed her pillows over her ears. She hated remembering things like this; she was constantly trying to forget the way her mother discarded her and continues to discard her. With her knees pulled to her chest, she started counting in Dutch to avoid getting up and rummaging for anything sharp she could find. She was surprised she was able to somehow resist it.

The increase in volume of her cries was completely alarming and elicited Snape's fight or flight response. Without warning, he waved his wand a few times to attempt to undo the lock before he opened and closed the door behind him. His heart rate calmed a bit when he realized she was not in immediate danger, but the way she hugged herself completely broke his heart. Carefully, hesitantly, he approached her side of the bed and sat by her legs.

"Gen," he crooned softly as he rested his hand on her upper back. "I didn't mean it, princess, I promise. I'm sorry. You aren't a bother. Can you look at me?"

There was no response, just sobs. Severus sighed. "What can I do for you right now, my darling? Do you need water? Another blanket, my cloak?"

"Cloak," was all she mumbled as she wiped her eyes, still keeping her face turned away from him. A perpetual sense of numbness consumed her in that moment, but the comfort of her partner's belongings made it all the bit more bearable. Snape got up from his seat at the end of the bed and retrieved his cloak from the front of his quarters where he hung it up each day. He quickly caught on to the immense sense of comfort it brought her when she was upset. It had not dawned on him why.

When he returned with his cloak, he handed it over to her and lightened up when she peeked her head from beneath the pillow to bury her face within the thick fabric. She inhaled deeply and her entire body relaxed. "The third one was you."

"Third one of what, my darling?" Severus laid down beside his partner, reaching his hand out to stroke her dark hair. Her eyes drifted shut at the soft affection and she leaned into it. His anxiety levels immediately plummeted as the realization hit him that she was safe.

"The Amortentia. In your class during my sixth year, it smelled like black coffee, old parchment, and something masculine, like sandalwood. Your cloak... it smells like that last scent."

Snape's heart ached as he watched her, guilt sitting uncomfortably in his chest. He regretted his choice not to do as she asked; it was a simple question, one of which he could have dismissed in a kinder way. It was an innocent gesture, sure, but he was even more afraid that whenever he smelled would not be associated with her, in the same way Gen found out Sarah wasn't what she smelled.

"I'm sorry, princess," he crooned as he took her chin between his thumb and forefinger and kissed her sweetly. She met his eyes warily as she returned the kiss and he used his thumb to stroke her chin. "You aren't a bother to me. You're my whole world, you know that?"

She nodded slowly and crawled into his arms, resting her head against his chest as she listened to the subtle thumping of his heart. She knew exactly how important she was to him; he never made her feel any less than. "I was tempted to cut," she whispered as she nuzzled her face into his neck. Severus sighed.

"I'm really glad you didn't, pretty girl," he admitted as he stroked her hair. He rested his chin on the top of her head as his eyes fluttered shut. "I promise I'll do better. For you."

* * *

"These are incredibly disorganized," Genevieve asserted as she slid the parchments across the table. She met Lockhart's gaze, eyes flickering with distaste as she leaned back into her seat. More than anything, she would love to _Avada Kedavra_ this man. "I'm unsure how you could possibly do that. Merlin, I saw these earlier this term and Dumbledore had given them to you in an orderly manner. How did you manage to fuck them up so badly?"

"They make sense," Lockhart snapped back as he collected the parchments. Genevieve raised a brow, completely unconvinced that he had put forth any effort into creating the curriculum. "Perhaps _your_ class isn't orderly, Professor de Keyser."

Gen clicked her tongue with disapproval and got her thick book of bound parchments, shoving it across the table. When Lockhart opened it, he scanned her work only to realize that hers was far more meticulously planned, and she had followed the original work of Dumbledore in doing so. "Don't be so hard on yourself, Gilderoy, perhaps that's why your books are so.. imprecise and obscure. Maybe get a better editor next time."

Mouth slightly agape at her comment, Gilderoy racked his brain for some sort of snarky response, but he could not find one. He promptly shut his mouth as her pushed her lesson plans back and went through his notes. "This week I'm teaching them _Vermillious_."

"Red sparks? For an _emergency_? You're kidding me, right? The term has barely begun, they know no defensive spells or deflecting spells, and you're teaching them how to _flag help_ in an emergency? Merlin, you're so pathetic, that is not a way to protect them against dark magic. It's illogical." Gen's eyes narrowed, her heart racing as she stared down this man. She took note of how vain he was; eyebrows neat, hair combed, expensive clothes, and she swore she could see a little bit of mascara. Not that anything was wrong with it, but he overall just reeked of male privilege.

"If you have an issue with it, I suggest you talk to Albus," Lockhart retorted. "He doesn't seem to have an issue."

"Does he even know you reworked the lesson plan?" The room fell silent and Gen rolled her eyes as she stood up from the table and gathered her materials. "Lovely to see you, Gilderoy, but unless it's absolutely necessary, don't make this a common occurrence."

The young witch slung her bag over her shoulder as she made the short trip back to her office. Unfortunately for her, the Defense Against the Dark Arts classes were nearby, therefore Gilderoy was always wandering the corridors near her office. Perhaps, with the fuming hatred she held for that man, she should avoid him entirely to prevent conflict but she quite enjoyed creating problems for him.

As she unlocked the door, she tossed her bag down before practically throwing herself down on the sofa. She had 20 minutes before she had to teach her last period advanced application of healing charms course, and while that usually would bring her immense joy, the anger that rose in her chest was not the energy she wanted to bring to a class dedicated to healing. Lockhart was so _pathetic_ ; there was absolutely no way the post was just offered to him.

Attempting to relax, Gen turned over to look at the ceiling, her eyes drifting shut as she focused on her breathing. She was incredibly nauseous from her little chat with Gilderoy and she desperately tried to remember whether or not she had eaten that day. Against her partner's wishes, she slept in her own bed in her quarters the previous night and therefore did not remember if she had made herself something to eat. It was worrisome to Severus considering she only secluded herself when things were getting unhealthy again, but he didn't want to force her into staying. He never forced her to do anything.

"Remind me to teach you occlumency," Snape said as he leaned against the doorway to her office. Gen glanced in the direction of her partner's voice, sighing as she leaned back against the sofa again once she had acknowledged him. "Your thoughts are incredibly loud."

"Rude to be poking around in my head, my love," she said as she sat up on her elbows. Severus was carrying a cup of chamomile tea which was her favorite especially when she was stressed about something. She pushed her hair out of her face as her feet swung back on the floor and she now sat upright, taking the cup from him. "Thank you."

"You can't _Avada Kedavra_ him," he teased as he kissed the top of her head. Gen rolled her eyes irritably, not quite in the mood to be making jokes, but leaned into his simple display of affection. Bringing the cup to her lips, she took a sip of the tea. Her fingernails rapped against the porcelain glass. "What happened today?"

The anger that had slightly faded once again bubbled in her chest and she shot a glare in his direction. He held his hands up in an amicable surrender, not quite in the mood himself to get into a heated argument with her. "He's insufferable, Severus. He's teaching them _Vermillious_ today."

Snape's brows furrowed as he sat next to her, wrapping his arm around her as she leaned up against his chest. "Before protective charms?"

"Merlin, thank you," she grumbled in annoyance as she ran her fingers through her hair. "I told the pompous arsehole that he should be teaching them defense spells prior to emergency ones. If they don't know how to defend themselves then an emergency signal is not going to save them. He needs to teach them _Expelliarmus, Protego, Lumos_..."

"You're right," Snape agreed. Gen finally relaxed in his arms, comforted by the fact she wasn't being delusional. She handed the cup of tea back to him and he leaned forwards to place it on the coffee table. "Take a deep breath, my darling, it's not your fault he's incompetent."

"I just don't understand his logic around it. Last week my students learned _Episkey_ , which I would have assumed would go along with _Expelliarmus_. Disarming and healing minor wounds seems like such a natural pairing, but I guess not. I'm teaching them _Reparifors_ this week and he went and decided to teach _Vermillious_?"

Severus kissed the top of her head again and rubbed her arms to bring her a sense of comfort. He had reviewed the curriculum multiple times and knew dark magic like the back of his hand; of course he knew what sounded logical, though he was unfamiliar with most healing charms. The room fell silent as they took in each other's company; the past 24 hours had really taken an emotional toll on both of them.

Snape's fingertip carefully traced the curve of her jaw and he kissed her softly, cupping her face in his hands. She succumbed to it as he pushed her hair out of her face and peppered kisses along her cheek and jaw. "I'll be in my office for seventh period, so if you need anything that's where you'll find me, okay princess?"

She nodded as he pressed one last kiss to her forehead and stood. Severus noticed that whatever anger she had previously harvested was now faded into what he perceived as exhaustion. Perhaps, she hadn't slept well the night before, but of course as it usually did, his mind shifted to the idea that she was struggling again.

Seventh period came and went quickly. Genevieve was always confident in her ability to command a classroom since she had learned under Severus, so unless there were blatant issues with how her students behaved, everything always went smoothly. But that didn't mean she still wasn't exhausted; Lockhart stressed her out and she knew her mental health was beginning to plummet again. Anxiety consumed her thinking about that conversation she needed to have with her partner. She didn't think she needed an intervention, but she thought perhaps it would be smart of her to tell her partner what was happening in her head.


	17. PART SEVENTEEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: brief description of self-harm wounds

Perhaps, if you did not know them, you would think you were looking into a mirror. Except for the hair and eyes, of course. With a similar bone structure and facial features, it was obvious to others that they were indeed mother and daughter. Levina's stark blonde hair was pulled up into a bun, though it looked hasty as if she rushed herself. Her eyebrows were knit together, her blue eyes searching her daughter's face for something, anything to allude to warmth and kindness. She shoved her hands anxiously into her white puffer coat; even their cold tolerance was the same. It was merely the beginning of October. Luuk would have said they mirrored one another perfectly, and unfortunately for him, that was in more ways than one.

Gen stood in front of her mother, eyes completely emotionless as she scanned her mother's appearance. She was slightly shorter, standing around 5'5 while her daughter towered at 5'8 though she was a tad taller in her heels. She looked numb, or angry, or at least that's how Levina had perceived her. The young witch's hands were shoved into the pockets of her longline black peacoat and rested defensively on her hidden wand.

"You look beautiful, Genevieve," Levina said softly as she stepped forward. Gen countered it by stepping back and gripping her wand as her mother's hands rose in defense. "You're grown up."

"Just because we talk on the phone sometimes doesn't mean our relationship is suddenly repaired, mam," Gen snapped harshly. Levina took another step back. There was a certain, aching pain that sat uncomfortably in Gen's chest, though she could not put a name on the feeling. Yearning, perhaps? Though she didn't know what she would be yearning for. "You haven't truly seen me since I graduated."

"I wasn't in a good place then," the blonde woman defended, tucking some of the loose strands of her hair behind her ears. Genevieve looked completely unamused, not really taking that excuse. She was her mother. Mothers shouldn't leave. "I was in and out of places for my psychosis, I was spending time with my sister, some of my friends, I needed to take care of myself to be a better mother to you. I just want you to acknowledge that."

"Mam," Genevieve laughed as she ran her fingers through her dark hair. Tears were welling in her eyes now. "That's still abandonment. Sure, I saw you a few times every summer when I visited Anki in Amsterdam, but she was _in Amsterdam_. Papa was in Azkaban. Luuk was dead. I was attending Hogwarts and you were supposed to be _there_. And you left."

"Gen, where were you last winter, for those two months when we didn't speak? You said it was none of my business where you were but if you were where I thought you were then we need to talk about it."

Gen felt her stomach churn uncomfortably as she stepped back again. Perhaps this meeting was a bad idea, she thought. Levina apparently read through her daughter's demeanor, understanding that maybe she also struggled the same way she did. Minus the psychosis. Though maybe it was an understatement; in that moment, she could see it was painstakingly obvious, but their sense of trust was shattered. There was little to no chance Gen would ever admit to her bipolar diagnosis. Their relationship died with Luuk.

"I was out on holiday with my partner," she lied through her teeth. It was obvious to Levina that she was lying, but she pressed her lips together to let her finish. "You're so lucky I still pick up the phone with the shit you've pulled with papa and how broken our relationship is."

"He's changed," the squib insisted as she reached out a hand to her daughter. Gen retaliated by stepping back more than a few feet with her wand drawn. Levina once again held her hands up again, knowing that she did not have the same method of defending herself. She was still incredibly envious of her family for possessing magic. She bit her lip, pausing as she gathered her thoughts. Tears were streaming down Genevieve's cheeks. "Who's your partner, Gen?"

"We're not talking about him, we're talking about papa," Gen retorted. Despite her attitude, Levina's eyes lightened up at the thought of her daughter finally having a serious partner. She knew it would be hard with how awful she had raised her and all the issues she had given her, but she didn't even know what had happened with Sarah.

"Why did you take him back? He killed Luuk and 10 years later, he's out of Azkaban and you just let him back in the front door? For what, mam? A piece of ass? I don't understand what possessed you to forgive the man who murdered your child. His child! I have vivid memories of you yelling at him, throwing things at him. I used to hide underneath the kitchen confused and scared. Luuk was dead and he took care of me, and suddenly I had nobody. I watched you degrade my father for weeks and months. I don't understand why you're back with him."

"He did his time in Azkaban," Levina insisted. Gen grimaced at her attempt to justify her husband's actions; it made her sick. If she had been in that situation, if she had a child with Severus and he _murdered it_ , she would have left his ass so fast. But the difference between her and her squib mother was that she had magic and could _Avada Kedavra_ him should anything even remotely similar happen.

"Papa put a target on our backs in the process. He was supposed to get a life sentence, but the Ministry of Magic took off years for every name he gave up. He went from a life sentence to just 10 years. Do you know how many people that pissed off? You-Know-Who is coming back and when he does, he will summon Papa and this all starts over again. What are you going to do this time when it's me, or Anki, or you?"

"Stop, Gen," she plead. Gen blinked back angry tears and she turned to walk away. She did not have any expectations walking into this little reunion, but this was not the way she had envisioned it going. Small talk over the last few years has done nothing to help this conversation. "Genevieve, please come back."

Turning sharply on her heels, Gen pointed her drawn wand at her mother, her hands shaking. Levina didn't back down, however, and any intimidation that she had due to her daughter's magic had left her eyes. "I tried coming back to you years ago, mam. You weren't my mother then, you were a shell of yourself. I'm glad you've found yourself but it's much too late for any sort of amends in our relationship. I don't need your irrational choices with papa in my life. I have better things going for me, and I'm _happy_ for once in my life since Luuk died. Let me have that."

"Please tell me," Levina cried as she stepped forward. Genevieve's wand did not relent. "I know I fucked up being your mother and I want to know how your life is going. I need to know you're okay and you're taking care of yourself, because whether or not you think it's obvious, I know you have bipolar disorder. You got that from me."

"You psychotic bitch," Gen sneered as she wiped her tears away aggressively. "You couldn't have told me that years ago? When I was struggling in Hogwarts, gashing my arms and thighs open because I couldn't feel anything? And I felt everything? I couldn't get out of bed, or do my course work, or eat, or sleep. I was a fucking mess. I had to get _help_ , help that _you_ should have gotten yourself when I was a little girl. Maybe things would be different if you did that. You're lucky Severus was there when I was a student."

"Is he your partner? Professor Snape?" the blonde woman asked, voice small and body trembling from the cold. Gen didn't answer, but closed her eyes as her mascara was now rolling down her cheeks. She was so awful at concealing her feelings, especially when her mother could read into her behaviors. "Tell me how you are. I need to know you're okay," she repeated.

A bit calmer now, Genevieve ran her fingers through her hair and looked up at the darkening sky as she hugged her body. She let her wand fall to her side as she continued blinking back tears. "Yes, he is. And before you say anything about that, no, I didn't feel that way as a student. I love him, mam. So much. I teach at Hogwarts, healing magic and alchemy, and I live there full time with him. I have a stable life, is that what you need to hear?" Her voice was raw and strained now. It was evident to Levina that she was tired; both of them were.

"Can I go now, mam? I really need to get back and do some reviewing for classes tomorrow."

"I'm dying," Levina sputtered without thinking. Genevieve's entire body went numb at her confession. "Cancer, I've known for a little while now."

Attempting to gather her thoughts, the little outdoor space they had met went completely silent except for the birds and small animals that lived nearby. Gen paused, listening to the serenity of her surroundings before she met her mother's eyes. She was a lot calmer now, but everything was so conflicting. Her relationship with her mother was nonexistent and strained, but she still felt like it was her responsibility to care. Perhaps that was her guilt tripping herself.

"To me, you died years ago," Gen mumbled, raising her wand in preparation to apparate. Levina's eyes darkened. "I hope you find good Muggle doctors because I am not risking Azkaban to save you. It hurt me back then when you started going into psychosis and I couldn't heal you, but I'm numb to this now. I'm tired of putting my neck out for you. I'm sorry."

Levina's mouth fell slightly agape as she watched her youngest child walk back the way she came and apparate away to the grounds outside of Hogwarts. Genevieve wiped her mascara off her cheeks as she made her way back to the castle, her built-up stress and frustration evident in her gait as she strode to where Severus's quarters were. She had told him she had gone into the Muggle world to handle some things, but she would not elaborate on what that meant. Perhaps it was best that way.

Genevieve tucked her wand back into her pocket after she unlocked her partner's quarters and let herself in like she usually did at the end of each day for undisturbed quality time with him. As she shrugged her coat and heels off by the front door and made her way to his small common room, she found him laying on his back on the sofa with his feet crossed; he was attempting to read another Muggle fiction book she had recommended but unfortunately he could not get into this one like he had the others. When he lifted his eyes from the book to acknowledge his partner, he parted his lips to say something when she cut him off.

"Pants off, Severus," she instructed sternly as her fingers, numb from the cold, fumbled with the zipper of her trousers. She let them drop to the floor as she began unbuttoning her collared blouse. The only remaining garments she wore were her matching set of lace bra and panties, which made Snape's heart lunge forward at the sight.

"What happened?" he asked warily as she straddled his hips and worked to unbuckle his belt. He forced her to stop by grabbing her wrists firmly and she sighed irritably against the constraint. Something was definitely off; sure, she liked sex to cope with some anger and it was great stress relief, but while she appeared to be angry and stressed, there was no light in her eyes. It was usually an indication that she was trying to use sex as a method of feeling something instead of harming herself, which in his eyes was just as unhealthy and just as emotionally damaging.

"Nothing happened, I'm just stressed and I want sex," she asserted, pulling her arms back from his grasp. "Now, are you going to fuck me into submission or not?"

Severus did not respond. He was much too passive around his sexuality, and truthfully he enjoyed her angry sex. Perhaps that was selfish and enabling of him, but his judgment was always clouded by how attractive she was. He nodded his consent as she fumbled to unzip his trousers, pulling her into his lap as he sat completely upright. His heart was racing but his stomach churned as she started unbuttoning his shirt. Her lips trailed hot, open mouth kisses up his neck as she grounded her ass against his growing erection, the paired sensation eliciting a low moan from his throat.

To Severus, this felt wrong; he loved the way she could do this to him, but it was both to his advantage and disadvantage. His mind wondered what had happened when she went to the Muggle world and if this was different than other times she tried to get him in bed.

"Gen," he breathed as she tried to slide his shirt off his shoulders, but he cleared his throat and repeated her name a bit sterner. This was definitely off. "Genevieve, stop."

Huffing, Gen sat up and wiped the lipstick from around her mouth, staring at him with her eyes darkened. She looked numb. "What, Severus?"

"I don't feel comfortable with this," he said softly, pushing her dark hair over her shoulder. He traced the curve of her jaw with his thumb until he was holding her chin in between his fingers. Her eyes drifted shut and a few tears fell down her cheeks.

"Please, Severus, I just want to feel good for a little while," she managed weakly. "Let me feel good."

Gen attempted to continue, but he grabbed her wrists a bit too rough for her liking and she seethed through her teeth. The sound made his heart stop and he loosened his grip, but kept his intent clear. There was absolutely no way he was going to have sex with her in this emotional state.

"What happened when you were out today, princess?" he said as he wiped her tears away with his thumbs. She avoided his eyes, instead fixating on the curve of his collarbones connecting with his shoulder. She leaned out of his touch and reached to grab her blouse, sliding it back on and buttoning it up once again. "You're scaring me, Genevieve. What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Severus," she snapped as she picked up the rest of her clothing. She left him in the common room as she walked towards the washroom, wiping off her lipstick with the back of her hand as she shut and locked the door. Severus heard the sound of water running and he sighed as he stood up, confused on what had happened. He could rationalize that she was not mad at him and that she was projecting her numbness, but part of him still felt like it was his fault. He wanted her to feel good. He _always_ wanted to make her feel good, but he wouldn't do it at the expense of her emotional health — as awful as blue balls were.

After a moment of contemplation, Snape stood from the sofa and fixed his clothes. He was lost in his thoughts as he cleaned up the common area, picking up books and parchments he had been reviewing earlier that evening. He racked his brain for any sort of indication towards a trigger that could have interfered so severely with her day, but he could not think of one. It did not take more than fifteen minutes for the sound of the running water to shut off, and when it did, Genevieve emerged from the washroom with a towel wrapped tightly around her. Her hair was wet and her face was clean of any makeup, revealing the freckles he loved so much, but she refused to meet his eyes as she walked into his bedroom. That was the biggest red flag. He heard fumbling and then the sound of the bed creaking as he followed her.

"Princess?" Severus said as he paused in the doorway. His partner had put on one of his shirts and curled up in his duvet, her eyes puffy as she wiped away some of the tears that streamed down her face. She still refused to look at him. His heart skipped a beat. "Genevieve, roll up your sleeves."

Panic was written in her features as she moved away from him, and that behavior immediately gave away what had happened during her shower. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair as he tried to gather his racing thoughts. "Are they deep?" he asked softly. "Let me see."

Genevieve broke down sobbing in that moment and rolled up the sleeves to reveal a few small cuts and one larger gash along her non-dominant arm. Severus sighed, attempting to rein in his worry, and approached her slowly as he grabbed his wand off the side table. He gripped her arm and with a forward slash wand motion, stated " _Episkey_." He did this with her other arm before checking her thighs, both of which were not wounded.

As soon as her wounds healed, Genevieve threw herself into his arms as her sobs intensified. Severus immediately picked her up so that her legs dangled around his waist and her arms around her neck as he sat down on the bed. Her entire body was shaking and was now covered in goosebumps, so he grabbed a throw blanket from the foot of his bed and wrapped it around her, repeatedly kissing the side of her head as she cried. His heart broke at the sound and he tried his best to comfort her.

"Oh, pretty girl," he sighed as he rocked her back and forth. Her crying did not relent, however, for quite some time and he worried perhaps this would warrant some sort of greater intervention should she become violent with herself. But those thoughts subsided as she eventually succumbed to his soft whispers and back rubs and her sobs died down to sniffling.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked softly as she sat up. She summoned a tissue for herself and wiped her nose and her eyes, acknowledging that her wet hair had soaked his shirt, but hesitated to say anything. "You're safe here, my darling. Nothing is going to hurt you."

"My mom is dying," she admitted softly. "When she started going through episodes of psychosis, I fought with myself about breaking Wizarding law and finding ways to heal her just to be sent to Azkaban, or if I would just let her suffer. I went to see her tonight, to talk about what was going on with my father, and she blurted out that she has cancer. I don't know what happened in my brain but I don't care. I know I should and that's mean because she's my mother, but to me she's been dead for years. And I feel guilty saying that."

Severus paused to process everything she had said. He understood that feeling all too well, especially given the childhood he had. His mother hadn't saved him from his personal hell like a parent was supposed to and it made him develop his avoidant attachment style. "I'm sorry that's happening, princess. I know parent-child relationships can be incredibly difficult."

He wiped away her tears and tilted her chin up, stroking it with the pad of his thumb. "Look at me for a second, princess."

Hesitantly, Genevieve met his eyes. "You are allowed to feel conflicted about this news. Let's phone your therapist so we can handle this in a healthy way, okay? I'm taking away sharp things again, I think that trust broke a little tonight."

She could only nod. It was rational; she had earned it his trust the last few months and suddenly that was taken away.


	18. CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: mention of childhood bullying, smut

Even when she wasn't meant to be, Genevieve was incredibly distracting to Severus. The way she put on her makeup and curled her hair, or even smaller things like how she twirled her hair when she read or pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose — everything made his heart lunge forward and his stomach churn. Naming emotions was incredibly hard for him, but he was certain she meant more to him than anyone else had before. Part of him thought this included Lily, but there was a special place in his heart for her. That part of him would never heal; that part Genevieve didn't know about.

More than anything, Severus enjoyed the way Genevieve got herself dressed up for their weekly date night. Given their hectic schedules, they only really saw one another at night or during meal times in the Great Hall — sometimes between class if Severus needed quick stress relief — so they had established that Friday nights were date nights. That Friday night in particular, Genevieve wore his favorite dresses he liked to see her in. He would never tell her it was his favorite of course — only that she looked beautiful. And she was.

It was imperative to Severus that he compliment her as much as he could, firstly because she was the epitome of perfection in his eyes, but secondly because she needed to hear it more than anything these last few weeks since she had relapsed. She had grown more self-conscious of the scars that mottled her arms and thighs than she had in the past. It caused Snape's heart to ache as he watched her struggle, but with more therapy and better communication she was starting to feel normal again.

As Genevieve finished putting on her red lipstick and ran her fingers through her freshly curled hair, she turned to face her partner. His pupils were completely dilated as he looked at her.

"You look radiant," he said softly, his heart rate picking up at the sight of his partner. He was seated in an armchair, meticulously watching her every little move, every little stroke she had made while she put on her makeup and did her hair. It was fascinating to him.

"And you look exceptionally handsome," she responded as she approached him, sitting on his knee as her arms draped over his shoulders. Her heart was racing as her eyes followed the hook of his nose and the contours of his lips. In moments like these, she realized just how intense her feelings for him had grown.

Severus paused and licked his lips as he tucked one of her curls behind her ear. From the look in his eyes, she knew he wanted to say something and he was either gathering his thoughts to form a coherent sentence or he was hesitant to say what was on his mind. Usually it was the second one. Pushing his hair out of his face, Gen mumbled, "What's on your mind?"

There was a brief pause and Gen stroked his jaw lovingly as a form of encouragement. She didn't really know what she was expecting to hear; everything seemed to be going well between the two of them. "Can.. I have eyeliner?"

If anything, that was not the question she had expected him to ask, but nevertheless nodded. "Of course you can," she reassured as she got up to grab her makeup pouch. His entire face lit up as she grabbed her gel eyeliner pencil and her mascara before turning around to face him. "Lay on the bed, I'll do it for you."

When asked of him, Severus climbed onto his bed and laid on his back, his heart stopping in his chest as his partner got up and straddled his waist. The way her hair fell in her face and framed his like a curtain caused his thoughts to wander, but he resisted the urge to just discard the makeup and kiss her. Truthfully, he had always wanted to try out makeup. He tried as a boy only to be met with abuse.

Gen used the back of her index finger to press slightly beneath his eye, making it much easier to drag the eyeliner pencil along his waterline. He blinked a few times, not used to the intrusion, and mentally kicked himself. He did not remember makeup being so damn difficult. "Merlin, stay still."

Hand gripping him still just beneath his jaw, Severus met her eyes as she used her free hand to finish his eyeliner. The sensation of her fingers pressing against his pulse made it quicken and he felt this strange sort of high he had never experienced or had ever wanted to experience before. The thoughts slipped away, however, when she traded the pencil for a thin tube of mascara.

"Do you need a second, my love?" she asked again as she sat upright. She pushed her hair over her shoulders again as she looked down at her partner. He could only nod as he caught his breath, fixating his eyes on the curve of her collarbone. He wanted to kiss it.

Noticing how he stared, Genevieve tilted his chin up with her index finger to have him meet her eyes. "You can undress me later. We're going on a date."

His stomach fluttered at the idea and he took a deep breath. "It's a shame that you look so beautiful with your pretty red lipstick and this dress," he started softly. His eyes darkened. "You're going to be my little whimpering mess later."

Genevieve's heart skipped a beat and she turned her focus onto the mascara instead of the way his voice made her cheeks warm. She was adamant on going on a date; the two had not gone out for weeks, only had stay-in dates, and as much as she loved their quality time, she really wanted to get dolled up and taken somewhere. Severus begrudgingly agreed to take her out to eat, as much as he hated public outings.

Pumping the tube of mascara a few times, she removed the applicator and held it up to his eyes. "Look up and when I start applying it — blink. It makes it a lot easier and I won't poke your eye," she asserted as she once again grabbed a hold of his throat. His brain grew foggy but nevertheless he listened to her. As instructed, he blinked as she rolled the coated mascara wand over his already dark lashes and that made the process easier.

"There," she said as she twisted the mascara shut. She sat back and stood from the bed, reaching for the handheld mirror that she kept within her makeup kit. She handed it to him, folding her hands in front of her as she waited for a response. "Do you like it?"

Severus looked, his heart beating at what he saw, and he nodded. Genevieve's smile grew as she leaned in to kiss him softly. He returned the kiss sweetly, pulling her close to him by her waist and she gasped into his mouth as he threaded his fingers through her hair. He seemed so happy. All she had wanted was to make him feel pretty, though she wondered why he was so hesitant to ask her. What, or who, had hurt him?

"You look so pretty," she said when she broke the kiss. She wiped away the red lipstick that had transferred onto his lips with her thumb and pushed his hair out of his face. "If you want to wear some makeup, you can wear makeup. It's normal, I want you to know that."

"Thank you," he responded. He pressed his forehead to hers and they both closed their eyes, basking in that sweet little moment with their love. They rarely had those these days. Severus took a deep breath, a sense of calm washing over him; she had done nothing but accept him and for how much her parents had fucked her up, he was so thankful she was such a kind soul. "I used to wear my mother's blouses when I was younger. I went to the park wearing one to see Lily and her sister once, they commented on it and I never wore them again. I just thought they were pretty. My parents gave me bland clothes."

Opening her eyes, she cupped his face in both of her hands and stroked his cheekbones with her thumbs. A sense of anger seethed through her chest and she couldn't imagine ever teasing or ridiculing a boy — or _man_ for that matter — choosing to be feminine. It was just clothes and just makeup, what was the big deal?

"If you want to wear blouses, then you wear blouses," Genevieve reassured. "You're still going to be my entire world regardless of how you present yourself, you know that right?"

Severus sighed and kissed her again. "I know."

* * *

It was unlike Severus to take Genevieve out to dinner, not because he didn't want to or that he didn't love her, but because he was not fond of the public eye. He was by no means Harry Potter level known, but those who associated with Dumbledore knew him by extension and casual conversation was not his favorite pastime. It was simply not in his nature, however, it was definitely in Gen's. She adored attention, something he had caught on to early on when he had met her but only became more obvious with time. It was to Snape's advantage and disadvantage; she consistently accepted his affections but she attracted that same energy to her with bright, bubbly people and flirtatious men (sometimes women). Part of him always wondered why, if at all, she had stayed with him, but the way she looked at him every time she glanced in his direction made all that doubt melt away. She could never trade him; she loved him.

Despite his uncertainties, he did enjoy their quiet little outing in town. He loved spoiling her with things like food, which he brought back to her every time he went out, and any small tokens should he have to go out to Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley. While Gen didn't like that he spent his galleons on her, she loved the sentiment. That night in particular, he had bought her dinner which she insisted on paying half of if not the entire meal, but he refused. She grumbled about it, but had allowed him to pay the bill. He was traditional that way.

As they relaxed after their meal, Gen held Severus's hand tightly, their fingers intertwined as he stroked her knuckles with his thumb. He watched her contentedly, his brain fogged with the love he held for this woman. He had yet to admit it, though. Neither of them had. His eyes followed the way she traced the rim of her wine glass with her finger before he glanced up at her, studying the curve of her jaw, then to her neck, then to her chest. It was a comfortable silence between the two; they did not need to talk during their quality time. It was something they loved about one another — there was a mutual appreciation for silence.

"You're cute when you're drunk," Severus said after a long while. He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckle before turning her hand over to kiss her palm and then her wrist. Gen's dark brows furrowed; she did not think she was drunk, nor did she understand what cute meant in this context.

"I'm not drunk," she insisted, though Severus laughed at her comment and leaned back in his chair. He kept stroking her hand with his thumb as she pouted slightly. "What's so funny?"

"Your cheeks turn a light pink when you're drunk," he stated gently, offering her a soft smile. "It starts there, anyway. Then your nose gets pink, and then your skin all over your body gets hot to the touch."

"That's unfair," she grumbled. "I don't _feel_ drunk."

"You don't need to feel drunk to be drunk," Snape asserted. "You've had two glasses of wine and you're a lightweight. Wait until you stand."

Pressing her lips together, Gen sighed. She used her free hand to tuck her dark hair behind her ear, trying to think of something to say. Surely she wasn't drunk. She had paced herself, was hydrated, and had eaten something. "Are you ready to go, my darling?"

"If you're ready to go, then yes," he responded sweetly. She nodded and stood, stumbling slightly as she did. Snape chuckled under his breath as she rolled her eyes, jabbing him in the side as she put her coat on. It was absolutely freezing for mid-October. To Genevieve, anyways. Snape was simply comfortable with his cloak. "I told you."

"Oh, shut it," she grumbled. "I can still walk, I'm not _completely_ drunk. Tipsy, maybe. But if you don't shut it you're not getting any."

Snape promptly shut his mouth as the pair walked out of the small little restaurant they had decided to eat at. As they walked, Genevieve took his hand again and laced her fingers with his. She took out her wand in preparation to apparate, glancing up at her partner to make sure he was ready. With a nod, she squeezed his hand tightly and they apparated to the grounds outside of Hogwarts. The landing made Gen nauseous, but she took a deep breath as she regained her footing. She paused, forcing Severus to stop walking, and kicked off her heels. She grabbed them with her free hand as they kept walking. It was entertaining to see her walk barefoot; while not as drunk as she could be, when she was tipsy she was very upbeat and had a little hop in her step. It was sweet.

The castle was absolutely silent when the couple got back to the gates and Severus sighed as he waved his wand to let the two into the premises. Gen swung Severus's hand back and forth with her as they walked towards his quarters and he waved his wand once again to unlock. Once inside, she shrugged off her jacket and dropped her heels by the door before turning back to face her partner. As he took off his cloak and kicked off his shoes, she approached him and grabbed his hips, shoving him against the closed door as her fingers toyed with the loops of his trousers. Snape's heart skipped beats wildly.

"What do you think you're doing, pretty girl?" he slurred as her fingers went to work on his belt. She made direct eye contact with him as she slid her hand into his trousers, stomach fluttering at the way his eyes darkened. He tilted her chin up, his hand resting at the base of her throat. She palmed his growing erection and held her breath as he moaned.

"I'm not wearing panties," she responded as he leaned down to kiss her roughly. He used one of his hands to pull her into the kiss by the nape of her neck and the other to shove her dress up, fingers brushing just between her thighs to confirm that she was indeed not wearing any panties. He moaned into the kiss as he broke it.

"Naughty girl," he purred, though his voice wavered when the sensation of her hand continuing to stroke his cock distracted him. He took a breath as he tried to take back his dominance, gripping her wrists tightly. "So desperate for my attention that you didn't wear panties and now you're touching me? Without my permission?"

Gen's eyes widened at the firm grasp and immediately she stopped what she was doing. Severus let go of her wrist and kissed her roughly, this time yanking her hair in order to tilt her head up. She returned the kiss and attempted to reach out for his face, but he stopped her. "I said no touching. Get in the bedroom. _Now_."

Heart beating wildly in excitement, Genevieve turned on her heels towards the bedroom, Snape slapping her ass behind her and started unbuttoning his shirt as he followed. He slid it off his shoulders and tossed it mindlessly, not really caring where it ended up, and forcibly unzipped her dress. She sighed into his rough attempt, the feeling of his hands sliding along her exposed skin like electricity.

"I want to be on top," she demanded as he forced her to look at him. She let her dress drop to the floor before she immediately unclasped her bra. "I never get to be on top. I want to be on top."

There was a reason for that, and it was primarily because what angles felt good to her were not what felt good to him and therefore only one of them would come. If it were his way, she would be in pain, and if it were her way, it wasn't enough to do it for him. They tried. Severus sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, considering it; she really didn't ask him for anything specific in the bedroom, so with a nod he agreed to let her be on top.

Letting his trousers drop to the floor, Snape sat down on the bed and pat his knee, beckoning his partner over. She sat on it without hesitation, lips trailing hot kisses down his neck as she straddled his thigh. Stroked his cock painstakingly slow, she rocked her hips back and forth, moaning at the created friction. The low moans coming from Severus's throat made her stomach do a flip but she could not control herself. The feeling of her wetness on his thigh as well as her thumb carefully rubbing circles over the head of his cock completely fogged his mind.

"Oh, you're such a good girl, princess," he breathed. Genevieve blushed at the simple encouragement, rocking her hips a bit faster as she rode his leg. The pulsing sensation of her pussy against his thigh made his cock throb. "Merlin, can't you behave yourself? So desperate, riding my thigh like that."

"I need you," she whined as she wrapped her hand around his cock, thumb tracing the pre-cum that glistened along the head. The sharp inhale from her partner made her heart skip a beat. "I'll be such a good little whore for you, daddy. I promise, but let me ride you. I want to cum so hard this entire castle hears me scream."

Snape grabbed her throat roughly and forced her to meet his eyes, cock throbbing at how she spoke to him and at the sight of her red lipstick smeared. His heart raced as she climbed off his lap, though he kept a firm grasp on her throat as he kissed her roughly. Her brain was still buzzing from the alcohol, her cheeks still pink, and her body hot to the touch. "I know you'll be good. Let me make you feel good, princess."

Laying back on the bed, Severus propped his head up with a few pillows as his partner straddled his hips. As she did, she caught sight of the scars along her arms and thighs and her heart stopped in her chest. She looked up at her partner and met his eyes as she leaned down. Gen kissed him sweetly and he pushed her hair out of their faces. "Are you okay?" he asked softly, stroking the side of her face with his thumb.

"Tell me I'm pretty," she whispered, her voice cracking slightly. Tears welled in her eyes as she hyperfixated on the fading scars. "I need to know that you still find me pretty."

"You're more than just pretty, Genevieve," he responded as he kissed her softly. He tilted her chin up to meet his eyes. "You're beautiful, princess."

Sitting upright, Gen dragged her fingernails down his chest to his abdomen and Severus kept his hands resting on her thighs, stroking her scarred skin with his thumb. It was evident in her eyes that Gen was a little more confident in herself and seeing her like that made his heart thump wildly against his chest. That was the most attractive thing to him – her confidence. Sitting up so his back was against the headboard, Severus waited for her to feel comfortable before they continued.

Gen sat up on her knees as she steadied herself over his cock, her wetness dripping down her thighs as she sat down, taking his entire length. They both moaned as she did so and Gen rested her hands on his shoulders for support. Snape's hands rested on her thighs as she leaned forward to the angle that felt good to her and began bouncing on his cock.

"Fuck, Severus," she moaned, her head falling back as she rode him. He thrust his hips in time of her coming down which elicited little gasps and noises that were incredibly attractive. Though not in a position to get him off, it did feel _incredibly_ good to have her tense around him, to hear her moans progress so loudly, and to watch her breasts move in time with her bouncing. His breathing grew ragged.

Gen's thighs began burning, but she ignored it as she increased her pace, her stomach fluttering and her little noises turning into those loud moans Severus loved so much. He watched her with hazy eyes and little moans escaping his throat, enjoying the way she furrowed her brows in concentration and her thighs began trembling.

"Daddy," she whimpered as she met his eyes, continuing to steady herself with his shoulders. He knew she was close by the way she pulsed around him and the way her breathing became sharper. His stomach fluttered at the pet name. "Daddy please."

"Please what?" he responded, his hips still roughly meeting hers. "Use your words, pretty girl. Tell me what you want."

"Choke me, I want to see stars when I come," she begged, and as she asked, his hand wrapped around her throat as he squeezed the sides lightly. Her vision went fuzzy and she moaned one last time as she came, her eyes drifting shut as she rode out her orgasm. Snape's cock throbbed at the sensation of her tensing and pulsing, and once he was sure she had come down from her high, he released her throat. He kissed her softly and pushed her sweaty hair out of her eyes.

"Tell me what you want," she breathed without missing a beat as she climbed off of him, her thighs trembling as she did. They still burned but she would do anything for an orgasm as intense as the one she got from being on top. "I want to make you feel good."

"Why don't you use that pretty mouth of yours?" he breathed, stroking her hair encouragingly. Gen immediately laid down on her stomach just between his legs, propping herself up on her elbows as she took the head of his cock in her mouth. She had no objections; she loved having her throat filled by him. Severus groaned as she took his entire length and he held her there by the back of her head for a moment. "Oh that's my good girl, take it."

Genevieve gagged as his cock hit the back of her throat and withdrew, her eyes watering at the reflex, but immediately took him in her mouth again and bobbed her head along his length. She kept her throat relaxed as she sucked hard, her cheeks concave as he tried to fuck her face. She held his hips down in frustration but let him push her head, his fingers threaded through her dark hair as he moaned her name over and over. She moaned as he used her hair to control her mouth, the vibration of her voice being what pushed him over the edge. He forced her down so that her lips made contact with the base of his cock.

"Hold it," he demanded. "Be daddy's good girl."

Gen closed her eyes, trying her hardest to be good for him as he moaned one last time, his cum hitting the back of her throat. As she pulled back, she coughed as she swallowed. It took her a moment to regain her breath, but as she sat up he tucked her hair behind her ears and leaned down to kiss her.

"My sweet girl," he praised as he stroked her temple. "You did so good."

Genevieve beamed at his words, her heart beating rapidly as she crawled into his arms. She was so exhausted and completely spent from fucking him, but stroked her fingers along his chest. Aftercare was her absolute favorite; she got to be doted upon like a princess. His princess.

"I love date night," she murmured against his chest. Severus grinned and kissed the side of her head. There were many reasons he liked date night, but truthfully speaking he just loved quality time.

"Because you always get fucked?" She cracked a smile but shook her head, burying her face into his neck. 

"It's a bonus, but no," she laughed softly. "Spending time with you and getting your undivided attention after a long week of being busy... it's nice. It makes me feel taken care of."

"You are taken care of, my darling," he responded as he petted the back of her head.

"I know." Snape pulled the blankets over the two as they curled up in his bed, his fingers pushing her dark hair off her back so he could lightly scratch her skin. It did not take long for her to fall asleep, and he fell asleep soon after.


	19. PART NINETEEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: depictions of trauma surrounding death, panic attack

"Have you told Genevieve yet? What happened to Lily, I mean?"

Severus stared blankly at his therapist, dark eyes glossed over as he succumbed to the numbness that emanated from his core. He balled his fists in his lap as he lost feeling in his extremities and reality seemed like a world away. The way his eyes were unfocused was enough to warrant worry, so as she put her notes down, she leaned forward to try and meet his eyes.

Her voice was soft like velvet and hushed as she spoke to him, that and the ticking of the clock on the wall the only sensory experience keeping him grounded. "Severus," she said gently. "What's happening in your body right now?"

The professor didn't respond at first, only blinked back his racing thoughts. There was no easy way to express how he was feeling; his body could not move and his mind was fogged. "Numb," he responded after a moment. "Everything is numb and nothing is real."

"Where is it numb?" she asked. The tone of her voice always made him feel safe, but in this moment, with this topic, he felt like there was no trust between the two. Severus blinked a few times as he tried to ignore the tears welling in his eyes. Vulnerability scared him.

"My limbs," he mumbled after a long silence, his eyes drifting shut. "My chest."

The numbness radiated all over his body as his brain replayed the moment he found Lily dead over and over again, the original heartbreak being clearly relived. Tears streamed down his face and he began shaking, something Penny had yet to see in her office. While dissociating, Severus appeared to be reliving a flashback.

Part of Severus wished that the person sitting across from him right now was not his therapist, but his partner. Gen would have done everything in her power to make this feeling go away; though she always alternated squeezing his hands, when he had flashbacks she peppered kisses on his cheeks and hugged him tight. It made him feel safe, but only with her. If anyone else had tried to touch him he would have been nauseated and projected his fear into anger. However, he also knew Gen was his partner and only that. It was unhealthy for him to treat her like a therapist, as easy as she made it to talk to her. 

Leaning back in her chair, Penny licked her lips as she thought about a way that would help Severus in that moment. He was not angry, not violent, and didn't appear to be in immediate harm to himself, so she supposed the only thing she could _legally_ do would be to let him sit through it and find a way to cope with it.

"How about we try a simple exercise," she suggested. "You've said before that Genevieve helps you when you experience this. What does she do?"

Severus squeezed his fists in an alternating pattern as he tried to recollect his thoughts. "S-she squeezes my hands, but alternates them," he sputtered after a moment. "I don't know why she does it but it helps."

"It's a grounding technique," Penny responded. "It's used with dissociation and sometimes psychosis as a way to make you aware of your surroundings. You're dissociating, Severus."

Eyes darting back and forth, he tried to process what she was saying but he did not understand what it meant. He knew what psychosis was based on Gen's descriptions of her own mother throughout her childhood, but had never heard of dissociation unless it pertained to a potion mixture. "I don't know what that means," he admitted.

"Dissociation is a mental or emotional disconnection, whether that be from your own body or from the world around you. Most of the time it's a symptom of a larger condition, not necessarily a condition in and of itself, but it can be. Would you be willing to practice that grounding technique now?"

Upon seeing Severus nod, Penny reached her hands out to him warily, making sure to keep her movements predictable. He had already disclosed his childhood abuse before and she was aware of how reactive he was and she took precautions. "Would you like to talk about your diagnosis, Severus?"

Validation in that moment for whatever he was feeling sounded perfect. He wanted more than anything to process what was happening in his head, to feel like things made sense for once, to understand why he was the way he was. Therefore, when she asked, he nodded his head.

"You have post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD," she responded as she squeezed his hands, alternating the pressure. He countered it and followed it with his eyes.

"It's a disorder that develops after you witness a traumatic experience, and in your case, finding Lily dead in Godric's Hollow. Over this entire time we've been working together, you've disclosed you have flashbacks and nightmares about Lily, primarily her death but sometimes your childhood together. You're easily startled, you have a short temper, you express detachment from Gen sometimes, you are perpetually aggressive with your students, you're hypervigilant with your surroundings, you're consumed with guilt and anger. This is just the beginning of a very long list, Severus. I'm more than positive you are dealing with this disorder, but it's treatable."

"I can't tell Gen what happened with Lily," Severus stated as he took in the information that had been relayed to him. "If I tell her what happened she won't think I love her, and I do. I love her more than anything."

"Do you think that's an irrational or rational thought, Severus?" Penny asked. With the date being October 31, the eleventh anniversary of Lily's death, she was more than concerned with getting him to think rationally. She knew of his past suicidal ideation. "She's quite smart, you know, your partner."

"I know," Snape responded softly. He let his hands fall back into his lap as he regained feeling in his body, his eyes refocusing as he finally looked up at his therapist. She offered a kind smile, though her eyes were still laced with concern. "It's irrational."

"Has Genevieve ever done something to make you feel unloved?" she asked again as she picked up her notes. She jotted down things that had happened in the last ten minutes or so, particularly taking note of his demeanor and word choices. "What about your trauma makes you think she won't love you when you decide to tell her?"

"It's been eleven years and I still grieve over Lily," Severus began. He chewed his lip as he wiped away the remainder of the tears slipping down his cheeks. The numbness in his chest remained, but that was expected. He missed Lily. "I obsessively slip into thoughts of how much I loved her, of how much I still miss her, and what I could have done differently to save her. If I tell her these things, she's going to leave. She won't think I love her but I do, I love her more than I love myself or my craft."

"Notice how you used the past tense," Penny noted. "You _loved_ Lily. She will always have a special place in your heart, but you acknowledged those emotions as a past concept. You are allowed to reflect and grieve the friendship you two had and the romantic feelings you developed into adolescence, but you talk about her like you do not love her that way anymore."

"I don't," he responded. "I love Genevieve."

"Does she know that?" Penny asked. Snape immediately met her eyes. "Does Genevieve know you love her?"

* * *

"I can't believe you hate Halloween," Genevieve huffed as she stared up at the ceiling. She was laying back against a pillow as her partner rested his head between her thighs. Her fingers raked through his dark hair as he read the book, turning every few moments to pepper kisses along her exposed skin. Snape's eyes drifted shut from the simple affections; it was the highlight of his day so far after having a tough therapy session. "I loved it as a child living in the Muggle world. I went as a witch one year, ironically."

Severus didn't respond to Gen, but instead opened his eyes to read his book as a distraction. His extremities started going numb again and he didn't know what to do or how to handle it. He thought of something to say, attempting to collect his now racing thoughts to align them in a coherent response. He was not aware of how long his pause was, and after a minute a strange fluttering sensation happened in Gen's chest. "Severus?"

Pushing the book to the side of them, Snape turned over on his stomach so that he could look up at his partner from between her thighs. He rested his cheek against her pelvis as she sat up and continued stroking his hair softly, twirling the dark locks between her fingers as she did so. He needed to wash his hair but it did not bother her as much anymore; at least he attempted to remain clean now. Usually when his hygiene started lacking again, Genevieve knew something was wrong.

"Are you okay?" she continued sweetly, moving to stroke his cheek with her thumb.

Severus pressed his lips together. He was sure he wanted to do this, but anxiety still sat heavily on his chest. It was suffocating. "If I gave you my memories would you go to the Pensieve?"

"Of course," Genevieve responded without hesitation. Her brows were furrowed, almost offended that he would assume she wouldn't. There was no doubt in her mind that she would go to the Pensieve for him, but she had absolutely no idea what memories he would give her. To her knowledge, Halloween had no significance to Severus. "What's going on, my darling?"

"In therapy this morning, I talked to my therapist about how I knew I was ready to tell you about what happened with Lily," Severus began softly. His anxiety was evident in the way he shifted his eyes away from her and unfocused on the artwork hanging just above Gen's bed. She continued to stroke his face encouragingly. "She reassured me that I would know when I was ready, and I am now. I'm absolutely dreadful at talking about memories, especially ones like these, but I want you to know. The Pensieve is all I can think of right now."

"I'll go to the Pensieve, my love," she reassured softly. Genevieve completely sat up this time and Severus soon followed so that he was resting against her warm body. It brought a sense of comfort and warmth to his existence in that moment and truthfully he needed that. This was going to be a tough conversation. "If you'd like me to go now, I will. Just give me your memories and I'll come back here when I've finished."

Severus pressed a sweet kiss to her lips and Gen returned it without hesitation, cupping his face in her soft hands to bring him closer. When he broke the kiss, he reached for his wand and summoned a small, clear flask. Genevieve watched with a haze glossed over her eyes as he hesitated to put the memories into the little bottle. He didn't want to bring the memories up again, but he wanted Gen to know. He was ready. Pressing the wand to his temple, Snape mumbled an incantation and as the tip of his wand broke contact with his skin, a blue substance emanated into the flask. He corked it and handed it to her.

"The Pensieve is in Dumbledore's office. Ask him if you can use it and say it's for me. He'll know." Gen's nimble fingers wrapped around the flask and she met his eyes, searching for some sort of answer. She knew she would find it, but part of her was uncertain whether this was a safe memory for him to let her see. There was no indication of what could have prompted this besides his therapy session.

"Okay," Gen agreed. She took a deep breath and held his face as she kissed him again, stroking his temple with her thumb. Severus returned it with tears welling in his eyes and his heart raced. He was absolutely terrified and was bracing himself for her to abandon him. "I'll be back soon, okay?"

Upon seeing the tears slipping down his cheeks, Genevieve sighed and kissed each of them away, stroking his hair as she soothed him. "Oh my love," she trailed off. "You don't have anything to be afraid of."

Snape nodded and furiously wiped away the tears that streamed down his face with his palms, watching as his partner swung her legs over the side of the mattress to stand. It felt like forever watching her gather her shoes and wand. The idea of her knowing triggered nausea and he wasn't sure whether he regretted giving her the memories or not. However, he knew if he changed his mind, she would immediately give the flask back to him. As irrational as his fears were, he never once doubted the trust bond they had developed.

As quickly as she could, Genevieve set out for Dumbledore's office. Usually she was a considerate person, but she could not bring herself to care in this moment. Without knocking, she let herself into his office and paused at his desk. The Headmaster looked up from what he was writing down and smiled softly towards the young witch.

"I need to use the Pensieve," she demanded. "It's for Severus."

Dumbledore took immediate note of the small flask in her hand, recognizing the memory substance it contained. He was aware of what day it was and if he knew Severus as well as he thought he did, he knew exactly what those memories were and he was surprised he would give them to her so willingly. Pressing his lips together, Dumbledore nodded and pointed to the cabinet where the Pensieve was stored.

"Do you know how the Pensieve works, Genevieve?" he asked as he opened the cabinet. He glanced at her, his blue eyes meeting hers as he tried to search her mind for some answers. He saw worry and doubt, but could not see why. After a moment, she shook her head. "You pour the flask into the basin and you place your face into this silver liquid. You will view the memories from a third-person perspective and you will not be able to interact with anyone else in those memories. When the memory has finished presenting itself, you simply come back up."

Tying her hair back with an elastic as he spoke, Gen nodded. When Dumbledore turned back to his desk to continue writing, she took a deep breath. She had no idea what memories of Lily he had given her and she was mentally preparing herself for what she would see. Her heart was practically leaping out of her chest as she poured his memories into the Pensieve, and when she leaned down so her face touched the silvery liquid, she was transferred to an unrecognizable place.

_The common room was extremely small. Vibrant green and blue lights flashed outside and there were faded screams in the distance and the faint sound of a baby crying. Genevieve had no idea whose house this was, but as she stared at the plethora of pictures and other knickknacks along the mantle, she recognized the Potter family. Lily was beautiful with her soft red hair and piercing green eyes, and James looked extremely happy and proud. Infant Harry rested in their arms for the photo. It was sweet. As her gaze shifted around the room, she took note of the overturned furniture, broken glass, and split wood and cautiously touched it all. Everything seemed so lucid._

_Turning towards the front of the house, Genevieve saw the door was kicked down, the wood of the frame splintered. Her heart ached at the sight and the sudden realization hit in that perhaps the memories he had given her of Lily were about her death. Her thoughts were halted when the sight of Severus entering the small home caught her attention. She followed him warily, nausea settling in her stomach. Her partner stepped over James Potter who lay lifeless on the floor, skin pale, eyes open, and glasses shattered. Her eyes watered at the sight but she continued following Severus. The vivid flashes grew brighter and the sound of the crying baby became piercing._

_There was a sharp inhale and a stumbling noise that prompted Genevieve to catch up to her partner, the sight of him practically collapsing against the wall and crying breaking her heart. Upon evaluating the room, Genevieve saw Lily Potter laying on the floor._

_"No," Severus cried immediately crawling towards her lifeless body. "No, no, no."_

_"Severus," Genevieve called out, only to realize that he could not hear her. Dumbledore had said that and yet, she persisted. "Severus, my love."_

_Sobbing uncontrollably, she watched her partner cradle his childhood sweetheart's pale body to his chest and rock her back and forth in his arms, his tears never ending as he stroked her red hair and gasped and attempted to catch his breath. When infant Harry started screaming louder, Genevieve's attention turned to him. She understood why Severus had ignored the baby, but still her instinct was to coddle him. Her heart completely shattered in her chest. Neither of them — Severus nor Harry — deserved to live this day._

_Suddenly, the vision changed._

_There was a tree and a grassy area and Severus, no older than a second year, was reading a book beneath it. He looked so peaceful, but she immediately saw the anxiety in his eyes as a group of boys appeared. They looked familiar, but she could not determine what exactly about them was so striking. It wasn't until a boy resembling Harry Potter approached. Instinctively, she knew this boy to be a young James Potter._

_"Who wants to see me take off Snivellus's pants?" James taunted. With a quick incantation, Severus was suspended by his ankles and was dangling in the air, his book dropping into the grass. Anger consumed her and more than anything she wanted to draw her wand, but she realized she didn't have it on her. It did not come with her in this memory. Blinking back more tears, she watched as a little redheaded girl came around the group._

_"Stop it," she yelled at the group of boys. She had her arms crossed over her chest and her brows furrowed as she attempted to get them to quit harassing Severus. James laughed and continued anyways._

_"I can take care of myself, Mudblood," Severus hissed back defensively. It was in that moment Genevieve realized this must have been Lily. She blinked as she looked up at her friend with absolute disgust and she simply walked away. As James let him fall into the grass, she watched as the light in Severus's eyes went out. There was no happiness left._

_Simple scenes started flashing: daisies, late night conversation, soft affection, defensive words. There were visions of teenage Severus sitting alone, creating extraordinary potions, reading by himself, eating in the bathroom, midnight numbness, and even some experimentation with what she assumed to be drugs. It made her heart ache even more. Genevieve could tell from the very beginning that Severus had been in love with this girl, that he valued her more than anything else in his life, and that one mistake, that misspoken slur, had cost him absolutely everything. She watched his depression grow and saw the suicide attempt from his fourth year he had told her about, the way he carelessly took care of himself. His exterior hardened and he was no longer attempting to be sweet._

_The vision ended with Lily and James getting married and Severus sitting alone elsewhere. He was not invited to their wedding, not that he would have gone anyway._

As Genevieve pulled back from the Pensieve, she aggressively wiped the liquid off her face. Her body was shaking and she felt this sharp pain in her chest as she started sobbing. Tears were streaming down her face uncontrollably as she turned back to Dumbledore. Still seated at his desk, he looked up at the noise.

"He was just a boy," Genevieve cried, her voice cracking mid-sentence. Dumbledore folded his hands and sighed softly as he tried to gather his thoughts.

"I know," he responded as he summoned a cloth for her to wipe her face with. He handed it to her as he stood. "But you should know the pain I saw in him when Lily died has not been present since you two became partners. I hope you realize that."

Roughly pulling her hair out of the elastic, Genevieve smoothed her dark hair down and tried to wipe away the remainder of her tears. She needed to calm down before she went to see her partner again. She knew he would be a mess and she needed to be the strong one for him, as much as it pained him to know he had stumbled upon his childhood sweetheart's dead body after years of being alone. "Thank you, Dumbledore."

"You're welcome," he acknowledged softly. Turning on her heels, Genevieve made the trip back to her quarters. She took several deep breaths as she tried to rein in her tears, furiously wiping her face with the cloth she still had in her hand.

When she shut the door to her quarters, she paused to gather her thoughts as she kicked off her shoes. She didn't know what to say to him, or whether he would want to talk, or even what emotional state he was in. Warily, she approached her bedroom where Severus was sitting the same way he had been when she left: on the bed, upright with his knees to his chest, staring out the window. Upon hearing her footsteps, he turned to face her. His face was puffy and cheeks soaked with tears.

"Severus," she started softly. She awkwardly pressed her hands to her sides, unsure exactly what she should do in that moment. She lingered in the doorway, uncertain if he would let her get any closer to him. His eyes watered and he started sobbing again, extending his arms out for her. Gen did not hesitate to sit on the bed, cradling him in her arms. She held his head against her chest as he sobbed, stroking his dark hair in an attempt to comfort him. "I'm here, my love, I'm here."

"I tried to save her," he cried into her shirt, his voice cracking. "I begged Albus to hide her, to hide James, to hide Harry. I knew she hated me but I wanted her to be safe and happy, even if that was without me."

"You love her, Severus," she crooned back as her eyes drifted shut. She started crying again, though silent tears slipped down her cheeks instead. Wiping them away with her free hand, she muttered: "Hey.. hey, look at me for a second, okay?"

Genevieve tilted his chin up to meet her soft eyes, smoothing down his dark hair and wiping his tears away with her thumbs. He looked so exhausted, so numb, and she wanted more than anything to make this feeling go away. She missed his smile. "You did everything you could to save her. You did everything right by Lily. In terms of what happened as a child, Severus, you were a boy. Every child says things they don't mean."

"She hated me," he mumbled brokenly, breaking eye contact as he desperately reached out for her arms. She kissed the side of his head in an attempt to soothe him. "They all did. I don't know what I did."

"You didn't do anything," Genevieve asserted, forcing him to look at her again. "Look at me when I say this, my love. You don't need to carry this burden with you, Severus. You made some... questionable... choices but she did too. All of those boys did. But you're safe here, and you're not alone, and I'm going to be here for you always. I promise."

It took hours for Severus to calm down, and when he did, he was completely spent. His head rested against her shoulder as she raked her fingers through his dark hair until he fell asleep. She felt him go limp in her arms, his breathing evening out and his body finally calm. Her heart ached as she laid him down against her bed, her thumb stroking his cheek as she brought a blanket to his shoulders. Exhaustion consumed her as well, but despite it, she decided to get up and make him something to eat for when he woke up. Perhaps a pot of erwtensoep would make this draining day much easier on him.

* * *

"Argus!" Dumbledore called out, his voice bellowing. It was rare for him to be so tense, and the group of professors that trailed behind him collectively looked shocked. Severus and Gen were holding hands as they stood beside McGonagall and Sprout, all confused on what was happening. Dumbledore's demeanor darkened when the sight of Mrs. Norris petrified on the wall caught his attention.

"Everyone will proceed to their dormitories immediately," Dumbledore commanded the group of students that had swarmed the scene. Immediately, the Prefects took the initiative to lead each house back to their common room, rounding up every student. "Except for you three."

Harry, Ron, and Hermione paused in their tracks and hesitantly turned around to face the phalanx of professors that stood before them. Panic was written in their eyes as they scanned the faces of each of their professors. Snape's eyes were narrowed, Gen was pretty neutral, and McGonagall and Sprout were simply confused. Dumbledore stepped forward to examine Mrs. Norris, sighing at Lockhart came around the corner and immediately interjected himself into the conversation.

"It was definitely a curse that killed her. Probably the Transmogrifian Torture. Encountered it myself once, in Ouagadougou. The first story's in my autobiography—"

Completely ignoring the defense against the dark arts professor, Dumbledore turned to face Filch who was seething where he stood. Nobody had ever seen him so angry. "She's not dead, Argus. She's been petrified."

Continuing on with his jargon, Lockhart persisted. The entire group of professors grew visibly annoyed, and Genevieve shuffled where she stood as she resisted the urge to beat the absolute shit out of his man. "Precisely! So unlucky I wasn't there. I know the very counter-curse that could have spared her—"

"Shut it," Gen snapped as she shoved her partner's hand away and stepped forward. Snape immediately tried to grab her again and rein in her temper before it got any worse but she shrugged him off. Everyone else was just as annoyed, but she was beyond furious with this man. He was pestering as it was and now there was good reason to be angry with him.

"Genevieve," Dumbledore warned. The healing magic professor huffed and Snape stepped forward to grip her forearm and pull her back beside him. His thumb stroked her scarred skin in an attempt to soothe her before he slid his hand back into hers. She grumbled and shoved him off, still irritated. Lockhart smirked at their interaction.

"How she was petrified, I cannot say," Dumbledore continued. Filch's eyes grew wide with anger as he pointed an accusing finger at Harry.

"Ask him! It's him that's done it. You saw what he wrote on the wall. Besides, he knows I-I'm a Squib," Filch continued. Harry blinked a few times in confusion and his two friends exchanged a strange glare. None of them knew what was going on.

"It's not true, sir. I swear. I never touched Mrs. Norris. And I don't even know what a Squib is," Harry insisted. He met Dumbledore's eyes in an attempt to plead his innocence, but Dumbledore simply pressed his lips together.

"Rubbish! He saw my Kwikspell letter," Filch retorted.

Stepping beside Dumbledore, Snape tilted his head slightly. "If I might, Headmaster, perhaps Potter and his friends were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time."

The trio's eyes widened and Gen continued to eye down Lockhart, hatred flickering in her eyes. She couldn't pinpoint why she was so angry tonight; she knew she was projecting but there was nothing remotely irritating about her day. Aside from Severus's breakdown, the rest of the day had been smooth if not slightly depressing.

"However, the circumstances are suspicious. I, for one, don't recall seeing Potter at dinner," Snape continued.

"I'm afraid that's my doing, Severus. You see, Harry was helping me answer my fan mail," Lockhart insisted. The way Snape's lip curled was intimidating to the trio and they collectively took one step back.

Chiming into the conversation, Hermione blurted out, "That's why Ron and I went looking for him, Professor. We'd just found him when Harry said..." She trailed off and blinked as she tried to come up with an excuse.

"Yes, Miss Granger?" Snape asked, his voice incredibly stern. He raised his signature brow as he waited for her to respond, but as she stammered over her own thoughts, her friends covered her.

"When I said I wasn't hungry," Harry interjected himself. The trio exchanged another look and Snape eyed them warily. He knew they were lying. "We were heading back to the Common Room and found Mrs. Norris."

"Innocent until proven guilty, Severus," Dumbledore responded, his hands folded in front of him. Snape took that as his cue to step back and once again resided with his partner. Both of them were too angry to touch one another; Severus was fuming at Harry and Gen still seethed about Gilderoy.

"My cat has been petrified! I want to see some punishment!" Filch yelled. Everyone within this area of the corridor collectively flinched. They did not expect such a response from the Squib.

"We will be able to cure her, Argus. As I understand it, Professor Sprout has a very healthy growth of Mandrakes. When they have matured, a potion will be made which will revive Mrs. Norris. In the meantime, I advise caution to all."

Turning on his heels, Severus immediately left the scene and walked towards the direction of his quarters. His cloak barreled dramatically behind him as it usually did and Gen struggled to catch up to him. He walked incredibly fast when he was irritated, and though a similar height, Gen could not keep up.

"Severus," she insisted. "Please slow down."

Halting, Snape turned to face his partner. His anger had faded immensely and tears were welling in his eyes. The young witch sighed upon seeing his distress and pushed his hair out of his eyes. "Let's go lay down again, my love," she said softly. "I'll grade your write-ups. Take some time to care for yourself, today is emotionally draining."

When Severus nodded his agreement, Gen reached up and kissed him softly. He returned it without hesitation and she led him back to his quarters with her fingers intertwined with his. She could not pinpoint the moment his anger faded into grief, but sometime between a few minutes ago and now he had been triggered. Her heart ached and she tried her best to make the rest of this evening a bit more bearable for him.


	20. PART TWENTY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: smut, depiction of sexual harassment, description of self-harm wounds

On the weekends, Severus would rather be thrown to the dementors than wake up before he absolutely needed to. It was something that Genevieve had caught onto very early into the exploration of their feelings and even clearer once they became partners. Irrefutably, he was not a morning person which was a shame because Genevieve was. Severus slept until the last possible second and was very irritable until he had a cup of coffee, but part of the reason he was so grumpy was because Genevieve was the complete opposite: she loved mornings. It baffled him how someone could wake up with the rising of the sun and be so productive. But every morning she was. Perhaps he was wasting his day.

That night, Severus had stayed in Genevieve's quarters, which he had always preferred to his own simply because he loved how her pillows and sheets smelled like her. Most women he had met had an overwhelming floral or sugary smell to them, but his partner smelled clean and sweet like jasmine and cedar wood, and the scent increasingly became intoxicating to him as their relationship progressed. As he stirred in his sleep, the smell of his partner made it easy to reorient himself to where he was.

Severus blinked the sleep out of his eyes as he caught sight of his partner seated in the armchair just in front of the grand window, one knee to her chest and a coffee cup in her hand. The curtains were opened and let in the morning sunlight, and he watched as she basked in the warmth. Per usual on cold November mornings, she was bundled with a throw blanket and wore long sleeves to keep herself warm, but most of the time she used Severus as her own personal furnace. He always ran a little warmer.

Running his hand over his face and inhaling deeply, Severus turned over to properly face Genevieve. "I understand why you get up with the sun now," he mumbled, voice groggy. Gen turned to face the sound of her partner's morning voice, stomach fluttering as she rested her cheek against her knee. "You look so ethereal in the morning sunlight. The whole world should see you right now as I see you."

"How romantic of you," she teased as she set her mug down. Snape opened his arms for his partner and she did not hesitate to climb back into them, her head resting against his chest. His fingers delved through her dark hair as his eyes once again drifted shut. "Good morning, my sweet," she said as she tried to keep him awake.

"Good morning, pretty girl," he murmured, leaning in as she kissed his forehead. "Come back to sleep with me, it's much too early for anyone to be awake."

"It's 8am, Severus," Genevieve said a bit too sternly. He sighed as she pushed his hair out of his face and turned on his side, bringing her body with him. She knew she should be getting him up for the day, but she had to admit, he was warm and she was freezing. Staying in bed sounded like such a better deal.

"Still much too early," he admitted as he kissed her head. Genevieve knew she had to get up, so with a sigh she tried to move out of his arms. Severus didn't let her but instead held her close, therefore she whined a little and jabbed him in the side with her elbow. He squirmed away and rolled onto his back as he seethed through his teeth. "You little—"

"You're lucky it's Saturday, Severus," she interrupted as she stood up from her bed again. "Breakfast in the Great Hall starts at 9am instead of 8am so you're not late. Let's go, love, get up."

"I have an hour to sleep," he grumbled as he closed his eyes again. The brightness of the room prohibited any sort of continuation of slumber, but he still desperately tried. Despite sleeping well the night before, he truthfully just hated mornings more than anything and wanted to lay there and rest. There was no reason anyone should be up as early as Gen was.

Genevieve rolled her eyes as she yanked the thick duvet off of his body. "Gen, what the fuck."

Without any sort of response, the young witch simply laid on her stomach and carefully undid his pants, dragging the fabric down over his hips. Snape's breath caught in his throat but he was extremely wary of the situation; she had been a little minx lately.

"What are you doing?" Brain still fogged from sleep, Severus rubbed his eyes. Gen took his cock firmly in one hand and peppered soft kisses along the head, dragging her tongue underneath the base. She made eye contact with him the entire time and he stifled a moan, his body immediately betraying him as he grew hard. "Genevieve, I swear to Merlin if you're teasing me—"

Ignoring her partner, Gen gradually took his entire cock in her mouth and bobbed her head along the length painstakingly slow, purposely not letting the head hit the back of her throat. Severus was definitely wide awake now, his breathing a little more ragged as he threaded his fingers through her long dark hair. He pushed her head down impatiently, and as she choked, she moaned into it. Her stomach fluttered as she continued sucking, the way little moans got caught in his throat driving her actions.

The sound of her gagging and choking on his thick cock turned Severus on even more, his brain now fogged with lust rather than sleep as she repeatedly deepthroated him. Gen swirled her tongue around the head and sucked hard along the length with her cheeks, letting him push her head each time. He never grew tired of the way she moaned and was turned on from giving him head; it became clear to him over time that she thoroughly enjoyed having her throat filled by him and that was one of the most attractive parts about having her suck his cock. She was a little whore for it and would be on her knees without any second thought if he asked.

Low moans resonated from Snape's throat as she increased her pace, but after a moment Gen pulled back to catch her breath. She panted as she continued using her hand, thumb swirling over the tip of his cock as her chest heaved. Spit soaked around her mouth and dripped off her chin, the sight making his cock throb. Severus sat up and pulled her in for a kiss by the base of her throat tracing his tongue along her bottom lip. Gen moaned into the kiss, her hand never relenting as his tongue slid into her mouth. She was a lot more dominant that morning, he quickly noted by the way she pulled him closer to her and fought against his attempts to lead.

As Snape desperately tried to fuck her hand, the young witch grumbled in distaste at his desperation and broke the kiss. Her free hand pushed his chest back until he was once again laying against the sheets and without hesitation she resumed using her mouth. This time, as her lips came in contact with the base of his cock, he moaned loudly, both hands gripping large fistfuls of her hair.

"Fuck," he growled as she quickened her pace. His cock was pulsing at this point and she knew he was close. Her stomach fluttered and she grew way too eager at the thought, rocking her hips as she choked and gagged. "Don't stop, princess. Oh Merlin, please don't stop."

Gen's mind was completely clouded as he moaned, the use of her pet name laced within his begging making her squeeze her thighs shut. He controlled her mouth roughly by her hair which made her scalp go numb and her throat start to hurt, but she wanted more than anything to be a good girl for him. With one last push of her head, Severus came hard, a large load of cum shooting to the back of her throat and filling her mouth. His orgasm rocked him, his thighs trembling and his toes curling. She held the position for him, tongue swirling the underside of the head.

Once she was sure he was done, Genevieve sat up. Snape watched with hazy eyes as she swallowed, the sight making his heart lunge in his chest. She reached for the water that sat on the bedside to chase it, the cool liquid soothing her now sore throat.

"Good morning," she whispered finally as she stroked his temple with her thumb, still holding the glass in her other hand. Severus pulled her down to kiss him which she returned.

"Good morning, sweet girl," he crooned. Severus kissed across her jaw and started kissing down her neck, his hands sliding into her pants. She immediately tensed and squirmed away, her heart rate picking up.

"Red," she said quickly, squeezing her eyes shut. "Red, red, red."

He immediately stopped touching her body and laid back against the pillows, taking the glass of water from her and setting it on the bed side as she froze. Tears welled in her eyes and her body was shaking.

"Did I do something?" he asked softly. She shook her head repeatedly, counting in Dutch under her breath as a way to calm herself down. Severus furrowed his brows, unsure what had happened or how he could help her. Part of him still felt like it was his fault and his stomach dropped. "Did I hurt you?"

His own heart stopped at the thought. Perhaps he had forced her to do something or he had done something to made her uncomfortable. But still, she shook her head.

"The coffee is hot in the kitchen. I kept the pot on. I think I'm going to take a shower before we go to breakfast," she stammered on, and just as quickly as she had used their safe word, she had went and locked herself in the bathroom to take a shower. Severus stared blankly, the complete overturn of her demeanor worrying him. If he had not hurt her, what was going through her head?

* * *

Saturday morning breakfast was one of the loudest if not one of the most obnoxious meal times at Hogwarts. The students always rested well on Friday nights which meant their typical rambunctious behaviors within their friend groups would resume the following morning and only increase throughout the day. That environment was not ideal for neither Severus nor Genevieve that morning. Gen was lost in her thoughts and stared blankly at her meal as she used her fork to push around her eggs. Severus had attempted to ignore the overstimulating environment of the Great Hall by conversing with Minerva who sat on the other side of him.

The two professors chatted about their evenings the night before. Minerva asked about how their date night went since Genevieve was always so excited for those, and Severus responded that she fell asleep on his lap while he read to her. They had meant to go out, but she was so exhausted from the day's events that when she had a moment to relax, she crashed. Typically that would have been more than he would have liked to disclose to Minerva, or anyone else for that matter, but she had been a really good support for Gen and he had grown to trust her in ways he really couldn't before. It felt nice to have someone to consider a friend. Regardless, Minerva was delighted that Gen was so well cared for and that there was a permanent smile on Severus's face.

Snape's fingers intertwined with Gen's beneath the table as he talked to his colleague, his thumb absentmindedly stroking her soft skin. She wasn't really in a touchy mood but had allowed the gentle affections. Nausea overwhelmed her as she tried to eat so she decided to instead focus on the pumpkin juice she had been drinking, but coughed as the cold liquid soothed her sore throat. Minerva glanced past Severus to eye her mentee carefully, her little mothering instincts kicking it. That was a new feeling for the transfiguration professor.

"Oh dear," McGonagall said as she pressed her lips together. "Are you coming down with something, Genevieve? Perhaps Madam Pomfrey could take a look at you, recommend some potions to take."

Genevieve simply shook her head as she put her glass of pumpkin juice down and pushed her plate back. Severus noticed how she had barely eaten meanwhile his plate and Minerva's were both clean. That was definitely concerning.

"No, I'm just really tired today," she lied with a smile. It was alarming to Severus how easily his partner could do that; she fooled people so effortlessly. He squeezed her hand underneath the table and she looked up at him, heart stopping at the way his signature brow was raised.

Without breaking eye contact with her partner, she continued: "Actually, I think I'm going to lay down for a little bit before I go run some errands later today. It's always lovely to see you, Minerva."

As she finished her sentence, she pulled her hand back from Severus. She tugged on her sleeves as she stood, picking up her plate and cup as she did so. "I'll be in my quarters, Severus," she added softly.

Both Minerva and Severus were confused but they watched her walk towards the kitchen to drop off her dishes before leaving towards the wing with the professors' quarters. After she was gone from view, Minerva turned back to her colleague. "I'm worried about her, Severus," she started softly. "What's going on? Do you think she's struggling again?"

"That is particular to this morning," he corrected in reference to her behavior, organizing his utensils onto his plate with his cup. He glanced back up at Minerva and pressed his lips together once he had finished. "I don't know what happened, she woke up okay and then something must have switched off in her head because she withdrew herself right before we walked over here."

"What were you doing?" Minerva asked, brows furrowed. Severus struggled to find something to say, his cheeks turning a slight shade of pink as he tried to come up with another activity to tell her. His pause, however, was telling and she took a short breath in. "Oh."

Squeezing his fists under the table, he chewed the inside of his lip as he averted his gaze, but she continued talking like it wasn't of major importance. That was something new between their friendship; some things were normalized without kickback, but Minerva was first and foremost their former professor, and second, she was also like a mother to Gen, therefore he was _not_ comfortable discussing details of his sex life with her. As alarming as it was that she immediately used their safe word when his hands slipped into her pants, there was absolutely no way he'd say anything to Minerva McGonagall about that.

"I don't need to know details," Minerva reassured after a moment. She paused as she gathered her thoughts before continuing, her voice growing a bit more reprimanding. "I don't _want_ details. But I swear to Merlin, Severus, if you hurt that girl—"

"I would never hurt her," Severus said a bit too sternly. The transfiguration professor jumped slightly at his tone. "She told me to stop, so I stopped. I asked her if she was okay and if I hurt her, and she said no. But now she's acting like _that_ and I don't know what to do."

Minerva bit her lip as she reflected on their interaction earlier that morning. "Did you take her clothes off?"

" _Excuse me_?"

"I'm not asking for that reason," she chastised as she hit his arm. "She tugged on her sleeves earlier, did you not catch that? Did she let you undress her this morning? Did you see her arms or her legs?"

The sudden realization hit Snape and he felt his stomach drop. "No, she didn't let me."

"She's not eating, she's zoning out, and if the signs are pointing towards a relapse, maybe look into one of those self-help books you got her for some advice," Minerva recommended. "Keep me updated though, Severus. I know you love that girl and so do I."

* * *

"Princess?"

Closing the heavy door behind him and kicking off his shoes, Severus hesitantly walked into his partner's quarters. It was quiet and eerie; the curtains were drawn and it was absolutely silent, which he instinctively knew was not a good sign. He carefully checked the common room without avail before he realized that her bedroom door was closed. His heart rate skyrocketed.

"Gen," he called out as he rested his forehead against the wooden doorframe. "Gen, please open the door."

"I'm tired, Severus, please just let me sleep," she called back, her voice muffled and strained. It sounded like she had been crying. Severus furrowed his brows, unsure what had happened earlier that morning. More than anything, he was confused with the shift of her demeanor. When she woke up, she seemed like her normal self and surprised him with head as a way to wake him up, and then when he touched her something switched in her brain and this happened. Perhaps it was a mood swing related to her bipolar diagnosis, but he wasn't sure.

"I'm worried about you and so is Minerva," he asserted gently, his voice an even, kind tone. His eyes drifted shut as he paused, unsure exactly what he needed to say to get her to open up the door. "Please, princess, let me help you."

The sound of the lock clicking open prompted Severus to open the door, only for him to find his partner tucking her wand back on the bedside table and pulling her thick duvet over her shoulders. Like she had said earlier, she seemed tired, though her back was turned to him so he couldn't really tell. He took his belt off and his jacket and laid them neatly on the armchair before he climbed into bed with her, his warm hand resting on her hip as he cuddled close to her.

"Talk to me, pretty girl," he soothed softly as he kissed the back of her head. Eyes closed, Genevieve leaned her body back into his, enjoying the additional warmth.

"I think I'm slipping into a depressive episode," Gen whispered as she wiped away some tears. She turned over so that she was facing him, and instinctively Severus reached his hands up to stroke her cheek with his thumb and kiss her forehead. Of course, it didn't surprise him after that McGonagall had pointed out, but he was angry at himself for not noticing. "I've been trying to hide it from you and put on this little façade so you don't worry. I know that's probably stupid of me, but you're doing really well now and our relationship is perfect. When I was manic and had to be admitted, we took a break and I was scared if I told you what was happening in my brain that you would leave again. I'm still scared. I don't want you to go."

"Genevieve, I'm not going to leave you simply because you're struggling," Severus responded gently. He paused to gather his thoughts, absentmindedly stroking her dark hair. "Last time was different. We were _both_ dealing with untreated illness, therefore we were _both_ struggling and our disorders were feeding off each other. It wasn't good for _us_ , so we took a brief break in order to get help. It had nothing to do with _me_. You went into inpatient treatment for mania and I went to therapy for PTSD."

Gen paused, brows furrowed as she searched her partner's eyes. She had never heard him mention PTSD before, nor had she even thought perhaps that's what he was dealing with. She sat up slightly, tucking dark hair behind her ear as she did. "When did you get that diagnosis? Why didn't you tell me?"

"On Halloween," he sighed, reaching his hands back out for her. She hesitantly crawled back into his arms. "I didn't know how to bring it up in conversation naturally. But that's not the point, Genevieve. We didn't know how to cope back then. Now that we're both in therapy, and you're on medication, it's prompted better communication skills between us and healthy outlets so that we can be partners and not each other's therapist. We took a break so we can do this for us, and now we can both take care of ourselves and be there for each other."

Rationally, in Genevieve's head, that made sense, but she wasn't inherently persuaded it was the truth. Severus could not help her cope with her manic breakdowns without getting help for his trauma and Genevieve couldn't help him with his anger or dissociation without it triggering her. And now that they were in a better place, Severus wasn't as reactive to finding out that Genevieve was slipping into a depressive episode. He simply wanted to help, because he could care for himself and also care for her. She supposed that she would just have to accept this as fact; her bond with Severus was the strongest and healthiest she's ever had.

"Gen," he started softly as he stroked her hair sweetly. "You know I love you, right?"

Genevieve pulled back from his arms, eyes wide as she stared up at her partner. Her heart was racing as she search his eyes for any sort of indication that he was lying. Perhaps that was wrong of her to immediately assume he wasn't being serious, but she didn't think she deserved that love. That's why she had gone and cheated on Sarah; the love and happiness scared her. "Really?"

"Is that.. okay?" Severus asked as he reached out and twirled some of her dark locks around his finger. He took note of how soft it was and hyperfixated on it as he attempted to control the racing thoughts going through his mind. Perhaps she didn't love him and he had just humiliated himself. His cheeks turned pink.

"I love you too, Severus," she whispered, as she leaned in to kiss him. "More than you could ever know."

There was another pause between the two as Genevieve resumed her position in his arms, snuggling close up to him for the added warmth. Her heart skipped beats and she could hear his, too. Arms wrapped around his back and ear pressed to his chest, she bit her lip. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything," Severus responded, rolling onto his back so that she was cuddled into his side. He laced his fingers with hers as he pressed a soft kiss to her palm and then to her wrist, stroking the scars that peeked out from beneath the cuff of her long sleeve shirt. He made a mental note to talk to her about those, not really expecting much of what she was going to ask. If anything, it was not this.

"Why can't I call you Sev?" she questioned, nervously eyeing the way he touched her arm. If he caught on and rolled her sleeves up, it was over for her little façade. "You call me Gen all the time. I don't know when that started, but I like it and I think Sev is such a cute nickname but when I used it last you had a panic attack."

"Lily used to call me Sev," he whispered. His entire demeanor shifted. "She was the only one who had shortened my name that way, so it was strange hearing it come from your mouth. I'm sorry for snapping that day, even though that apology is almost a year too late."

Genevieve paused and pressed her lips together. "Thank you for apologizing. I won't use it again, I was just curious on why you reacted that way so I could avoid it again."

"You can use it," he said, his eyes drifting shut as he stared up at the ceiling. His heart rate calmed down and Gen furrowed her brows as she listened to the subtle thumping in his chest. "You can call me Sev, if you'd like."

Gen responded by leaned up to kiss him, her palms cupping his cheeks as she did. Her partner didn't hesitate to return it, his index finger tilting her chin up gently as he pulled her in close. When the kiss was broken, he stroked her chin with his thumb as he gathered his thoughts. Just as Genevieve had thought she avoided the conversation, Severus had brought it up again.

"I need you to roll up your sleeves, princess," he whispered, tears welling in his eyes. He hated confronting her like this, but he knew if Minerva had said something that meant it was imperative to look. As observant as he was, somehow this had slipped under his radar. "I didn't notice at first, but Minerva did, so I need to check. Pants off, too."

Genevieve sighed as she pushed the duvet off her body and rolled away from his embrace. As she rolled her sleeves up, she seethed slightly as it created friction along fresh cuts on her non-dominant forearm. She then sat up on her knees to roll her pants down which revealed much deeper gashes on both her thighs that she had controlled the bleeding with a bandage instead of a healing charm. His heart stopped at the sight of her thighs; they looked much worse than any other cuts he had seen on her.

"When did this happen?" he asked softly as he frantically looked for his wand. He realized he put it down on her mantle and sighed, knowing he had to go get it.

"Yesterday afternoon," she whispered as she avoided his eyes. She was already ashamed of the fact she had relapsed again. She squeezed her eyes shut as tears streamed down her cheeks. "Gilderoy made me feel gross and I gave into the urge."

"Did he say something?" Anger rose in his tone, but Gen shook her head repeatedly. Heart stopping and then lunging in his chest, Severus's hand closed into a fist. "Did he _do_ something?"

"It's not that big of a deal, Severus, I just reacted poorly." She was lying through her teeth. Lockhart had been harassing her lately and she was not feeling the best about herself because of it.

" _You gashed your thighs open_ ," Severus emphasized. "That's a big fucking deal. You know what? Take all your clothes off, if you did this so severely I'm worried you're hurting yourself in other places."

As she undressed, Severus carefully looked over her entire body, noticing a few faded scars along her hips that perhaps he had not noticed before but nothing inherently alarming. As he turned her body around, tears started streaming down her cheeks as she thought about what had happened.

_"You're much too pretty for Severus," Lockhart stated matter-of-factly as he glanced over at his colleague. Genevieve looked up from the book she was annotating and raised a brow in the direction of the annoying voice, confused why the first words he had spoken to her that day were about her appearance. They simply were sharing a table to do work in the library without exchanging any words. There had been no other empty spots. "Much too young, too. You're just a baby."_

_"I didn't ask for your commentary on my relationship," she retorted sternly as she turned the page of the book and began writing again. Lockhart scoffed at her response, not satisfied with the way she dismissed him, and snatched the book from her hands. Genevieve grew visibly angry and lunged at him. "You little fucking—"_

_"Occlumency?" he asked as he reviewed the page she was reading. She grabbed his shirt as she grabbed the book back, before shoving him back with a force he didn't know she was capable of. He smirked. "Why would you be learning occlumency?"_

_"It's not your concern, Gilderoy," she seethed as she continued to read and annotate. Still, the defense against the dark arts professor persisted. He leaned forward, forcing her to meet his eyes by tilting her chin up._

_"You're trying to hide something from Severus," he stated bluntly. The panic in her eyes gave everything away. "He's a very talented occlumens and legilimens, and you aren't. What are you hiding from him? Or protecting yourself from?"_

_"I'm not hiding anything," Genevieve snapped as she grabbed his wrist. "Don't fucking touch me."_

_She gathered her things, her heart pounding and mind racing as she desperately tried to get out of that weird conversation. She organized her things and left where she was sitting, intending to walk towards her office and locking the door. Yet, Gilderoy persisted and followed her out of the library._

_"Oh come on, baby," he called out as he caught up with her. He grabbed her wrist, forcing her to turn around. Her stomach dropped as she stared him at him. She was now absolutely terrified. "You can tell me anything, you know that right?"_

_"Don't call me baby," she hissed as she glared up at him. Her voice was strong, which was strange considering how her body was shaking. Gilderoy pushed her up against the wall, arms on either side of her head as he tried to continue talking. Genevieve pushed back on him, though in this position it was much harder. "Get the fuck off me, Gilderoy."_

_"Get drinks with me tonight," he insisted without moving away from her. Genevieve started panicking in that moment but squirmed her way out of his arms to walk away, shoving her bag farther over her shoulder as she tried to flee. He reached out and grabbed her again, this time by her shirt. "Come on, baby, what's the big deal?"_

_This time, as he pulled her back, she drew her wand and pressed it to his throat. "You're insufferable, not to mention I'm in a perfectly happy, healthy relationship and you're disrespecting my partner and me by continuing to dismiss it. But even if I were single, there is no fucking way I would ever go out to drink with you. Quit fucking harassing me or I'll risk Azkaban to Crucio you."_

_"Are you feisty in the bedroom?" Lockhart continued as Genevieve pressed her wand further into his pulse. He held his hands up but continued to smirk, the sight of his erection growing in his pants giving her immense anxiety. "It's hard to believe you'd be such a quiet little girl. Am I right? You're a screamer, aren't you?"_

_"What do you even know about women?" she hissed. "I guarantee you in my life I've pulled more women than you and I'm, as you say, much too young. You couldn't make a woman scream even if you tried."_

_"What does he do for you that I can't?" he snapped. "Tell me, baby, what about that greasy potions master does it for you?"_

_"He respects me and doesn't treat me like his property," Genevieve retorted._

"I'm going to get my wand to heal those, and then you and I are doing a sweep of your entire quarters and I'm removing razors, knives, scissors, and anything sharp," Severus said, drawing Genevieve out of her thoughts. "I love you, Gen, but you can't keep breaking my trust with these sorts of things. I trust you to keep up with therapy and use those tools. I'm here for you if you have cravings and we can talk about them. But this... this is not okay."

As he said, Severus retrieved his wand and came back. While he did that, anxiety crept in Gen's chest about her appearance. She knew what he was doing was logical and what he said was right, but she truthfully didn't see a reason to care. Perhaps that was the depression talking.


	21. PART TWENTY-ONE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: depiction of severe depression, mention of body image issues

The only thing Genevieve could focus on in that moment was the temperature of the water. Her brain was so fogged and low functioning that she only had the mental capacity to run her fingertips across the slightly steaming surface of the bath. Everything around her sounded distant and staticky, and even as Severus tried to talk to her, she could not focus on him. Perpetual exhaustion consumed her and tears streamed down her flushed cheeks. In that moment, all she wanted was to be back in bed where she had remained for most of last week.

Kneeling beside the clawfoot tub, Severus had a paddle brush in his hand as he meticulously worked through his partner's knotted hair. He started at the ends before he made his way towards her scalp, paying extra careful attention as to not snag or yank her hair. Though, given the state of her hair, it was inevitable. When it happened, Genevieve seethed through her teeth and writhed in the water. Brushing her hair was a pain to do with how long it had gotten, but as frustrated as Severus got, he knew it wasn't her fault. None of this was.

Over the last week, getting out of bed had progressively gotten tougher for Genevieve. She had completely discarded her typical routine; she slept until the last possible second, did the bare minimum to make herself presentable for teaching, and when she had no other obligations, she simply went back to bed. Any motivation she had to grade papers or even partake in hobbies disappeared. She had no appetite. Basic hygiene was a chore to her. Thankfully, Severus attempted to mitigate all of those symptoms.

The first thing Severus had done when Genevieve admitted she was lapsing into a depressive episode was to call her therapist. Early on in their relationship, Genevieve had signed a release form in order for her therapist to discuss some treatment options with him if things ever escalated to the level they were at now. Her therapist reminded him that when it came to depressive episodes, keeping a routine was key. Therefore, he got her up every morning at a a consistent time by providing her lots of love and affection. This proved to be a very good method of encouragement because hearing him repeat that he loved her, that she was his entire world, and to have his soft kisses and back rubs were good motivators to help her get out of bed each day. When she was up, he tried to get her to drink water and eat something small but most of the time she settled on a hot cup of herbal tea.

Though she loved it, teaching had also become a chore. Genevieve used all of her mental energy while she lectured; she forced a smile, used her regular tone of voice, and matched her typical energy to make it seem like she was okay. This left her drained between classes, never mind exhausted at the end of each day. Severus came into her office every day and ate lunch with her. Minerva and him had split grading papers for her, utilizing the answer keys because neither of them had experience with healing magic. He encouraged her to shower and brush her teeth every day, but a lot of the time that accumulated to evenings like this where he was detangling her knotted, greasy hair and helping her get clean.

"I was thinking about going to Hogsmeade tonight to get something from Honeydukes," Severus voiced to break the silence between them. Genevieve's entire body was shaking in the bath and her knees were drawn securely to her chest. She rested her forehead on them as her partner worked through the knots at the back of her head, tears dripping into the bath water. "I know you like their pumpkin pasties so I was going to get you some. Would you try eating one after dinner tonight if I go?"

As he finished the last tangle, Severus switched out the brush for a cup and started wetting her hair. He worked his way up from the ends to the roots as he had before, and Gen tilted her head back to make it easier for him. She was still so tired though; she wanted more than anything to be able to put her head back down. The idea of him spending galleons on her made her feel guilty, especially if she knew she wouldn't be able to manage eating the pasties. Biting her lip, she tried to sort her thoughts, but the length of her pause made it easier for Severus to continue.

"You can try to eat them tomorrow then," he reassured. He kissed the side of her head as he lathered shampoo between his palms. While he ran his fingers through her dark hair, he paid extra careful attention to her scalp before working it down to the ends. Genevieve kept her head tilted back to make it easier on him, but as she stared up at the ceiling she started crying again. The sound made Snape's heart sink in his chest. "I want you to at least try and eat the pasta I made you earlier. You haven't eaten today, and I know I'm not the best at cooking but you need to eat something of substance. You're losing weight and it's worrying me."

"Maybe I need to," she sniffled as she resumed running her fingertips across the surface of the water. Attempting to focus on the feeling rather than how sore her scalp was or her headache from crying so much, Genevieve's eyes drifted shut. Severus paused from washing her hair and let his wrists drop against the porcelain side of the tub, his fingers submerged in the water as he rinsed the suds off.

"Look at me," he said a bit too sternly. Genevieve leaned forward and pushed some of the shampoo off her forehead as she turned her whole body around to face her partner. It was then he noticed how puffy her eyes were and the extend of her red cheeks. Her heart was pounding in her chest as he eyed her down intensely. "You don't need to lose weight. It's concerning to me because you only lose weight when you're not eating enough and that means I'm not as successful as getting you to eat as I thought I was. This happens when you're manic too."

"Just let me lose weight," she mumbled as she averted her gaze. She turned back around to face the wall and Severus resumed washing her hair. "I'm fat."

Snape was dumbfounded by the words that came out of her mouth. The entire time he'd known her, beyond the last year of their romantic endeavor, she had never admitted to any sort of body image issues. She was the one to push how much she loved him and his body. Anger sat uncomfortably in his chest. He loved her the way she was: her little stomach pouch when she sat down, her love handles and back rolls, her bigger thighs, scarred skin, stretch marks, freckles, and all. She was absolutely perfect in his eyes.

"I'm not letting you starve yourself," he stated simply. "You're at a healthy weight for a woman of your age and build, so no, you're not fat. But even if you were, that wouldn't make you unattractive, Genevieve. All bodies are good bodies, I don't think one is inherently more attractive than another. You're beautiful."

Gen didn't respond but tears were streaming down her cheeks now as she traced the deepest scars on her non-dominant arm. She paid particular attention to the way they curved along her forearm, the texture of most flat, white scar tissue but some raised with hyperpigmentation. Severus watched her do it from his peripherals, but he focused mainly on rinsing her hair of shampoo and running conditioner through her ends to make her hair soft. He took one of her claw clips and pinned her hair to the top of her head to let the product sit while he washed her body.

"I love you, princess," he said sweetly as he wet and applied soap to a washcloth. He rubbed in circular motions along her shoulders and upper back before moving down onto her biceps, the sensation of the warm cloth against her skin somewhat pleasant. But what was most comforting were the little kisses he peppered along her freckled shoulders. "Turn back around for me."

As Gen turned around to face her partner, she met his eyes. Severus dropped his hands for a moment and sighed as he scanned the appearance of his partner; she truly was a mess. Her hands reached out to cup his jaw and she pressed a soft kiss to his lips, her thumb stroking his cheeks as she pulled back just inches away from his face. She noticed his eyes were tired and guilt sat restlessly in her chest at the realization that she was the one making him so tired. She knew she was too much for him in this state and yet he still stayed to take care of her and keep her safe. "I love you too, Sev."

Pressing another soft kiss to her lips, Severus started washing over her chest and then down her arms, paying extra attention to the scars that mottled her skin. Over the last few weeks he had realized how awful her sensory issues were surrounding them and if he touched them wrong she flipped out and had to touch what she called a _safe fabric_. Otherwise, she'd remain anxious. This was a boundary she had recently set and he always respected it, but in moments like these where she needed his help to clean her, he was conflicted with what to do. Gen followed his line of sight.

"I know, they're ugly," she whispered as she took the washcloth from him and began cleaning her arms. "I can finish up, don't worry about it Severus."

Snape didn't respond. Her scars were ugly, but not for the reason she thought they were. Just as they were reminders to her of her emotional pain, to Severus, they were reminds of each breakdown she's ever had with him. He healed most of them, meaning he could remember the cause of each new wound. That was what was ugly about them. Luckily, for the entirety of this depressive episode, she had remained clean. She didn't have enough energy to even pick up a glass of water most days, never mind press a razor to her skin. Regardless, Severus checked her every morning and night which had become routine since he found those gashes in her thighs.

As Genevieve finished cleaning her body, Severus peppered soft kisses over her face and jaw which made a little hum noise come from her throat briefly. It felt nice to have someone be so soft and gentle with her after what had happened with Lockhart the previous week. "Let's rinse your hair and get you out of the bath and into warm clothes, pretty girl. You're shaking."

Looking down at the goosebumps on her arms, Gen nodded and let him rinse the conditioner out of her hair. As she stepped out of the tub, he wrapped her tightly in a towel, kissed the side of her head, and rubbed her biceps to try and warm her up. She shivered and leaned into the warmth, sighing as he kissed the top of her head. The couple made their way back to her bedroom and Genevieve noticed he had already laid out some warm clothes for her.

Though he didn't understand the appeal to Muggle clothes, he caught on to her love of sweatpants. Because he had been doing her laundry for her recently, he realized how soft and warm they were which he understood to be ideal for Genevieve especially during the colder months. As she dried off her hair and sat on the bed, Severus brought over her hair and skincare products and kneeled down in front of her. He had watched her take care of herself so many times in mesmerization that he knew what to do like it was second nature to him. He warmed some of her body lotion between his hands and applied it to her arms and legs, kissing her cheek when he stood back up.

"I need to shave my legs," Genevieve voiced softly as she acknowledged the hair that had grown back. Since Severus had removed all her sharp objects, that meant she couldn't get rid of it. He didn't seem to care about any of her body hair, but hair removal was a personal choice on her part. She pulled the warm sweater over her head and completely discarded the bra and panties he had picked out for her. It hadn't crossed his mind that it took effort to put those garments on and sighed as she stepped into her sweatpants and put on her socks. "When can I shave my legs? And my underarms for that matter. I don't like the feeling, Severus. It's itchy."

"Maybe the next time you bathe I'll let you shave your legs," he offered as he wiped his hands on the towel. He reached over for her leave-in conditioner product and hair comb. "I'm proud of you for remaining clean this week, but I'm still going to check your body when you get out of the shower if I give you shaving razors."

"That's fair," she mumbled, sighing as he raked the product through her dark hair. It felt nice to have clean, unknotted hair that he could run his fingers through again. "I love you."

"I love you too, pretty girl," he reassured as he kissed the side of her head. She squirmed slightly and cracked the smallest of smiles as his fingers quickly worked to French braid her long hair. His rationale was that a braid would keep her hair from tangling again should she find it difficult to shower. "Look at me so I can do your skincare for you."

"I don't need that," she mumbled as he grabbed her face serums, moisturizer, and oil. He blinked as he laid them on the bed. Genevieve kept up this routine through everything, even when she was coping with daily struggles during euthymic moods. But her exhaustion was settling back in now and she truthfully just wanted to lay down. "I want to sleep, Sev."

"You're a skincare fiend, you'll kick yourself later if you don't keep up with it. Let me take care of you. Lay back on the bed if it's easier for you, darling." As Genevieve laid back against the bed, she watched as Severus applied a few drops of her serums to her face before her eyes drifted shut. She basked in the feeling of his fingers working the product in before he kissed her nose and then her lips. She returned it and opened her eyes to peer up at him. He repeated the same steps with her moisturizer and then face oil.

"Can I go to sleep now? I'm so tired, Sev," she mumbled as he closed the remainder of her skincare products and got up to place them in their original spots on her vanity. When he turned back to face her, she had her arms extended and made a grabbing motion with her hands. "Come cuddle with me."

Exhausted, Severus did not object to laying in bed with his partner. As he climbed under the duvet with her, she snuggled up against his chest and buried her face in his neck, the sensation of her ice cold nose along his warm neck made him squirm slightly but she didn't budge. He rested his chin on top of her head as he stroked her hair sweetly, being mindful of how her hair was braided. Within minutes, her breathing evened out and she fell asleep very easily to the sound of his heartbeat. Seeing her like this, so exhausted and numb, brought a new type of pain to Severus. He couldn't describe it, but he knew he wanted to make it stop. Both his feelings and hers.

When he was certain she was in a deep enough sleep to be moved without being woken up, Severus shifted to lay her down on the pillow and pulled the thick duvet up to her shoulders. He laid next to her for a moment, stroking her cheek with his thumb. She looked peaceful for a moment and would give anything to lay there with her while she slept, but there were so many things that needed to be done that honestly he didn't have time to waste. As he stood from the bed, he realized just how messy and disorganized Gen's room had gotten and upon further evaluation of the rest of her quarters, realized that it had also become a large mess. She had expressed that it stressed her out to look at, so before he went to heat up her dinner, he started cleaning.

Genevieve was what Severus liked to call an organized mess; her system of sorting and organization was chaotic and unique to herself, therefore understanding where things should go was a task in and of itself. Nobody but her would be able to find something because she had a specific spot for everything. Severus, on the other hand, was meticulous and had a method to his organization which made cleaning up after his partner harder. That was the biggest difference between their living spaces.

Between her bedroom and her common room, Severus started collecting dishes and garbage. Tea mugs, empty plates and bowls, utensils, and tall glasses were everywhere as well as food wrappers and disposable containers. He sorted the dishes into the kitchen sink and took out the trash before moving onto picking up her dirty laundry and putting that in her hamper located in the washroom. He made a mental note to do her laundry as he moved on to organizing her parchments and books. Ultimately, Severus wiped down all common surfaced and swept the floors. It took a while for these rooms to be cleaned and it was absolutely draining, but he loved her so it was all worth it.

By the time Severus had made his way to the kitchen to do the dishes and take out the garbage, Genevieve had stirred in her bed. As her vision refocused, she stared at her dark purple walls and buried herself deeper into her duvet. She laid there numb for quite some time, listening to the sound of the running water from the kitchen and the clinking noise that the dishes made. Eventually, she mustered the energy to climb out of bed, but it took her a while to sit up and an even longer while to stand on her feet. Getting up to investigate, she noticed that her bedroom was clean and as she walked to the kitchen, she realized her common room had been cleaned too. Everything was spotless and guilt consumed her.

"You didn't have to clean," she said softly as she leaned in the doorframe to the kitchen. Severus was drying off dishes now and putting them away, and as he turned to face his partner he realized she was hugging herself and tapping her fingers along her ribcage. Usually that meant she was anxious. "It's not your job to clean up after me."

"Gen," he sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair. "You know me, I'm selfish. If I didn't want to clean for you I wouldn't have done it, but I did it because I love you and you're struggling. You said the other day it was stressing you out, so I tried to help you out. I organized your parchments and books but I don't know if I put them back correctly."

"Thank you," she whispered as she wiped tears that slipped from her eyes. Severus stepped closer to her and cupped her face in his hands, kissing her sweetly and then kissing her nose and then her forehead. "I love you, Sev."

"I love you too, princess," he murmured and he pushed her braid over her shoulder. Taking her hands in his own, he kissed her knuckles and then her palms and finally her wrists. It made her feel slightly better about the situation. "Let's get you something to eat, okay?"

As Genevieve sat at the kitchen table fiddling with her fingers, Severus grabbed a glass bowl and reheated some of the pasta he had made for her earlier that day. She didn't have an appetite at lunch therefore he had put her meal in the fridge for later. Hopeful that she would at least take a few bites, he put it in the microwave to warm. While it reheated, he got her a glass of water and placed that in front of her, kissing the top of her head.

"Severus, I need to tell you something," she said as he placed the pasta and a fork in front of her. Severus paused what he was doing and looked at her, blinking a few times in confusion as his heart skipped a beat. "And I need you to promise me you won't get mad," she added.

"Well, if you're making me promise not to get mad, that means I'm probably going to be livid, aren't I?" he grumbled as he sat across from her. She reached her hands across the table and grabbed his, squeezing them tightly as she blinked back tears. He noticed they were clammy. "What happened, pretty girl?"

Severus watched as his partner's face contorted into several different expressions as she mustered the courage to explain to him what had been happening. She pulled her hands back and wiped them on her sweatpants as she withdrew her body further into her oversized sweater, if even possible. "Gilderoy has been harassing me, and I—"

"How is he harassing you?" Severus's voice grew sharp, his tone raising as his body became rigid. Gen's heart rate skyrocketed and she leaned back in her chair, tears streaming down her cheeks. She tried to rationalize that he wasn't mad at her but in her head she felt as if what had happened with Lockhart was her fault.

"He keeps asking me to get drinks with him, which by itself isn't a big deal and I can tell him no and just walk away from the situation, but the last time he asked, he um.. the last time..." she closed her eyes as her voice trailed off, not quite sure how to phrase _sexual harassment_ without Severus exploding on this man. She already knew he was temperamental with students but this was a completely different circumstance and that terrified her.

Trying to rein in his temper, Severus took a deep breath, but in his mind was racing as he tried to remember where exactly he had put his wand. If this conversation was going where he thought it was going, Gilderoy Lockhart's head would be on his wall. "Last time what, princess?"

"He pushed me against the wall and made comments about how I look like I'm, um, how I look like I'm loud in the bedroom," she mumbled. She left out the part about how the interaction with her being so angry and feisty had given him an erection and she grew increasingly more anxious that Severus would pull something incredibly stupid about the situation. "Then he said some things about our relationship that rubbed me the wrong way. And I don't like the way he looks at my body."

Without saying another word, Severus felt his anger bubble in his chest and immediately he reached for his shoes, cloak, and wand. "Severus, sit down," she pleaded as she watched him slip his shoes on.

"I'm going to murder him," he hissed as he put his cloak on and snatched his wand from where he had placed it last. As he made his way over to the door, Gen snapped her fingers and the door locked. "Genevieve, open the fucking door. Lockhart is a dead man walking."

Severus was seething through his teeth as Genevieve stepped in front of him, tears streaming down her cheeks. He could see she was terrified in that moment, her eyes wide, her body shaking, and her cheeks flushed a bright pink.

"Severus Tobias Snape, I swear to Merlin if you leave my quarters," she cried, her voice shaking. "Sit your fucking arse down. I'm telling you because I'm _hurting_ and I want you to help _me_ not because I want you going to Azkaban for murder."

The sight of her current emotional state made his fists relax and he forced himself to calm down by thinking about the way she smiled and blushed when he kissed her and the sound of her laugh. It helped to get him to a manageable level of anger and he sighed as he met her eyes. "I'm sorry, princess," he apologized sweetly. "What do you need from me? What did he say?"

"About?" she asked as she hugged herself.

The way she was trembling was alarming so Severus took off his shoes and cloak and placed them down. He pulled her in for a hug, his hand petting the back of her head as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself up. He picked her up, letting her legs wrap around his waist as he comforted her. It scared him how worked up she was and he feared the worst possible thing had happened to her.

"About our relationship," he continued softly. "What's his unwarranted opinion and what about it bothers you? If I know you at all, I know you weren't tolerating it. You're much too hotheaded and sharp tongued to tolerate any sort of back talk, especially from a man like him."

Severus made his way over to the armchair in her common room and sat down, letting her sit as she was with her face buried in his neck. She was still shaking and had yet to completely calm down, her breathing much more rapid than usual, but he couldn't tell if this was the beginning of a panic attack or if she was seething. Perhaps both.

"He said I was too pretty and too young for you," she whispered into his neck, blinking back tears. Severus felt them drip down his neck and he reached up to wipe them away, the sensation not pleasant for him. Genevieve turned her head over to that she was looking at the wall. "He asked me what about you made me stay."

Processing what she had said, Severus took a deep breath. He wondered those things every single day. "I'm sorry that happened, pretty girl," he responded gently. "What do you need from me?"

"I just need you to love me," she mumbled as she tried to cuddle closer to him. Snape's hand slid under her sweater as he rubbed gentle circles into her back. He found out earlier that week that she preferred the skin-to-skin contact more, especially since his hands were always so warm and soft. "I just need you to be there."

"I'm not going anywhere, angel," he reassured as he kissed the side of her head. The couple sat like that for a while, so long that he had thought she had fallen asleep again and succumbed to the depression fatigue she was experiencing, but then she shifted her body to fold her arms against her abdomen and kiss his jaw gently.

"I love you," she mumbled into his skin. She scrunched his nose at the light stubble that was starting to grow on his face and slightly down his neck. He was not fond of his facial hair and typically kept it shaved, but he had been neglectful that morning. It was Saturday, after all, and he didn't have to be presentable. Genevieve didn't inherently mind the stubble to look at, but it was itchy. "Can we go eat dinner now?"

Severus gave a halfhearted smiled as she sat up and looked at him, her fingers delving through his dark hair to push it out of his face. She leaned down and kissed him softly as he nodded, though she refused to get up. She looked like she was about to say something.

"What's on your mind?" he asked as he tilted her chin up and stroked it softly with his thumb. She bit her lip and tucked some of the baby hairs that had slipped from her braid behind her ear.

"You still think I'm pretty, right?" she whispered. "Even with my scars?"

"Yes, you're beautiful," he affirmed sweetly as he kissed her softly. "You're _my_ pretty girl and don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

The soft smile that spread across her features made his heart pick up in pace. He hadn't seen that smile of hers in what seemed like a lifetime to him, and as she climbed off his lap to walk back to her bowl of pasta in the kitchen, he sat and observed her for a moment taking in that smile. He knew with how her mental health had plummeted this would be a very uncommon occurrence until the depressive episode passed.

"Severus," she whined as she sat at the table. "Come eat with me. I'm out of bed for this and you're not even joining me."

"I'm sorry, my love," he said as he followed suit and reheated his own bowl of pasta. He sat across from her, watching as she forked some of her food and put it in her mouth. She still struggled with her lack of appetite, but she managed to eat half the bowl before she was overwhelmed. In Snape's head, that was better than nothing at all.

"I'm proud of you," he whispered as she put her fork down and drank some water. He had eaten his pasta alongside her, except he had finished his meal. She looked up at him with tears in her eyes, tucking her arms against her abdomen. "Thank you for trying."

"I'm tired," she voiced brokenly. "Can I go back to bed now?"

Severus pressed his lips together as he thought about how quickly her mood had shifted. He didn't quite understand her depression as much as her mania; her mania was very consistent but her depression either seemed to hit her in waves or she was very good at putting a fake, draining front up. He was a firmer believer of the second.

Nodding, Severus took her bowl of pasta away from her as she stood from the table and walked back to the bedroom wiping tears away. He scraped her food into the garbage and washed their dishes before he followed her, stopping in the doorway as he observed how she had curled up in bed. As he watched her, the timeline of what she had told him started clicking in his head and fear pulsed through him; the Lockhart situation, the gashes in her legs, the safe word usage, and her depressive episode. It made sense but he had a gut feeling what she had told him wasn't the whole story and his mind was racing.

"Gen," he called out into the dark bedroom. She turned over to face him, pushing her braid over her shoulder as she met her partner's eyes. She still had the blankets pulled up to her shoulders. "I need you to tell me what exactly happened with Gilderoy, because if what I'm thinking is true then I need to take this to Albus _immediately_. Did he touch you? You didn't let me touch you or undress you because you had relapsed and were trying to hide your body, right? Is that what triggered this depressive episode? Did Lockhart touch you?"

"I'm tired, Severus," she whispered. The sound of her voice cracking made his heart stop. "Can we please talk about this later?"

"I'm sorry, Gen, but no. This is a serious conversation and if he touched you Albus needs to know. I'm not going to have Gilderoy walking around this castle harassing you or Merlin forbid any _students_ , so I need you to tell me," Severus said evenly, his tone somewhere between stern and concerned. He observed how distraught she seemed as she sat up, pressing her palm to her forehead. 

"He didn't touch me in the way you think," she cried. "He tried to grab onto me and pull me closer but I drew my wand to his throat and he only could grab my wrist. I fought him and was angry and he was turned on by it so I panicked and I didn't know what to do. I came back here and I relapsed before we were supposed to go out on our date and I cried so much that I was too tired. Then you read to me and everything went away for a second. When we woke up I thought I was okay, and then you tried to touch me and I panicked. Believe me, Severus, I wanted you to touch me more than anything that morning but I was terrified of you seeing what I did to my legs. I was scared of you getting mad, of you asking what happened, and I didn't know if I would be able to handle it. I didn't mean to make them that deep, I promise I didn't. I promise."

The way she barreled through endless run-on sentences was alarming to Severus and it took him a moment to process everything that had just been said. He sat down on the bed slowly and she crawled into his arms as she sobbed, clinging onto him as he pet her hair. He kissed her head repeatedly and rocked her a little, his eyes drifting shut.

"It's not your fault, princess," he reassured softly. "I won't let him touch you again, I promise."


	22. PART TWENTY-TWO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: sexual assault

There was not one moment that Genevieve was not thinking about the way Gilderoy had harassed her. Her mind had shifted from intrusive thoughts to visual flashbacks, always hyperfixating on the grip on her wrist and the sharp stabbing feeling of his chunky rings along her already sensitive, scarred skin. She was randomly cold all the time, the sensation of the stone walls pressed into her back burned into her brain. The smell of his breath. The closeness of his hips. Yet, his lewd comments were minimized in her head. He had not assaulted her, technically. He did not touch her sexually and he did not rape her. Therefore, it was not serious. Not to Genevieve. But her brain continued replaying the interaction like it had just happened.

Since the interaction and admitting it all to Severus, Genevieve had avoided Lockhart like he was an incurable plague potions could not heal. The only conversations they had were about the intersection of their course materials, but even then Genevieve required he write it down or that Severus gather the materials from him for her. She begged him to remain civil while Dumbledore dealt with the situation. Paranoia was her best friend at the moment; she didn't know if he would retaliate against her partner's violent advances by harassing her even more. It was her biggest fear.

The adjustment of Genevieve's mood stabilizer as well as the addition of an anti-depressant had made it slightly easier for her to function. She still went to therapy three times a week; twice for individual, once for group. It normalized a new routine for her; the tools she learned enabled her to take better care of herself and in turn any stress put on their relationship by her depressive episode was lessened. She felt like she could breathe. Though getting out of bed was hard, her motivation and interests in hobbies still nonexistent, and her ability to keep up with hygiene still lacked, she was able to manage her day without needing a nap or require Minerva and Severus to grade her papers. She hoped all of this would even out within the next few weeks; almost a month had gone by with this depressive episode.

Her therapist reminded her that a depressive episode was a minimum of two weeks, and without proper treatment could last six months or longer with those with bipolar disorder, but she was hopeful that with the right intervention that it wouldn't take as long for it to pass. She was confident, in fact, that it wouldn't last as long as her ten week manic episode last year. Or at minimum, she was confident it would be manageable and for the last few days, it had been. The interventions were working and she was completely optimistic that it was passing. Genevieve hadn't felt optimism in a very long time, but that optimism immediately went away when Gilderoy Lockhart entered her office unannounced.

Alarmed by the sudden intrusion, Genevieve dropped the pen she was writing with and scrambled for her wand, keeping it nearby should she feel the need to defend herself. It was tucked away within her books and out of sight so Lockhart wouldn't snatch it. Her first instinct was to flee, to just get up and walk out of her office, but as he approached her desk, she found that her body with not agree with her mind. She was cemented there in her cushioned desk chair, completely vulnerable to his advances.

"I need you to come into my second year class today," Lockhart demanded as he rapped his fingers alongside the edge of her desk. Genevieve's attention was drawn to the numerous chunky rings, the sight eliciting a faster heart rate and her breath hitched. It was first and foremost a reminder of his harassment, but secondly it was a mockery of his riches and entitlement which she supposed was a motivator to his behaviors. He thinks he can use her. "We're learning the Full-Body Bind Curse, and I think it's imperative you be present in case a student is harmed. I don't anticipate it will happen, but your skills could be useful in prevention."

"I don't think that's a good idea, Gilderoy," Gen managed calmly. She tried to remind herself to breathe but her hands closed into fists in her lap, adrenaline pumping. More than anything, she wanted to not come across as weak; she couldn't seem weak to this man or else he would take advantage of her. "Perhaps you can ask Madam Pomfrey if she would standby for you. She's got quite the talent, too."

"She's not available," Gilderoy lied through his teeth as he pulled up a chair to sit by her. Genevieve's heart stopped in her chest as she forced back tears. He inched closer to her, his fingertips teasing along the hem of her skirt. "Besides, I'd rather have your pretty face in my class."

Gen's eyes screwed shut as she tried to focus on her breathing, something she had learned in therapy. She was absolutely rubbish at it though; all she could think about was the sensation of his hand sliding up her thigh and stroking the soft skin near her inner thigh. Mustering some courage, she grabbed his wrist roughly. "If that's all you wanted, then I suggest you leave my office."

Shoving him back and attempting to make her intentions clear, Genevieve crossed her legs and tugged her skirt back down. Terrible at accepting no for an answer, Gilderoy grabbed her throat and tugged her to her feet, shoving her body onto her desk so she was sitting up right with her legs spread and feet on the chair. Her wand was out of reach now, and with her mind racing she continued to push back on him.

"Tonight is the Slytherin and Gryffindor quidditch match, why don't you come sit with me?" he pressed as he steadied her. She continued to lash against him but cried when he grabbed her waist roughly. The pressure on her ribcage hurt and she stopped writhing hoping that whatever was happening would end faster and not as fatally if she listened to him. "And wear this pretty little skirt of yours, it makes your ass look so good. Has Severus said that to you today? That your ass looks so fuckable in this short skirt?"

Genevieve was cemented where she was as he resumed stroking her thigh, this time shoving her skirt up to her hips so that she was exposed to him. She felt completely helpless as she closed her eyes, refusing to look at him as nausea consumed her. She could not tell whether it was because she had not eaten that morning, whether it was a side effect of her new medication, or simply the anxiety that suffocated her.

As Lockhart's fingertips grazed over the scars that mottled her legs, he scoffed and scratched his nails against them lightly. She seethed, her eyes screwed shut and thighs squeezed together in reflex. Tears were streaming down her cheeks now as he forced them to part and stroked her pussy through her panties.

"You must be a crazy little girl to do this to your pretty body," he growled. "What goes on in that deranged brain of yours to think it's hot? How does Severus like these? I'm sure he avoids the abhorrent sight; fucks you face down as to not see anything but your pretty ass."

"Stop," she managed weakly as she attempted to grab his wrist again. He squeezed against her ribcage and she whimpered, wiping the tears that streamed down her cheeks. As much as she hated Lockhart, the way her body was betraying her and responding to his touch scared her even more than he did. In that moment, she convinced herself that she was a whore and that this was considered cheating on Severus. Her body went numb. "Gilderoy, I don't want to fuck you. Get off of me."

"What happened to your ferocity, Professor?" Lockhart persisted, his fingers not relenting as he rubbed rough circles around her clit. "You're so much more submissive now, are you sure you don't want me? The way I touch you like this has you soaked, baby."

Attempting to close her thighs again, Genevieve was met yet again with another squeeze around her ribs and Lockhart forcing her legs to part. "No, no, no, no," she pleaded as she tried to squirm. At that point she didn't care if her broke her ribs or if he hurt her, she did not want him to continue. She hadn't wanted him to start in the first place. "Get out of my office. Get out."

"Or what?" he said as he palmed her pussy, sliding two fingers inside her. Genevieve started sobbing now, the sound only making his erection grow faster. She bit her tongue harshly, focusing on the taste of metal that pooled in her mouth. She pushed at his hand, attempting to get him to stop fingering her, but he wouldn't stop and she hated the way she was stifling moans. She was a whore. She knew she was. But still, she squeezed her thighs shut. "Open your pretty legs for me... or not so pretty legs."

Mustering all the physical strength she could, Genevieve pushed him back long enough to scramble through her stack of books for her wand. She pointed it at him, her mascara dripping down her face as she pressed the tip of her wand against his pulse. He attempted to lunge and grab at her, but without any hesitation she cried out: " _Flipendo_!"

Stumbling back, the defense against the dark arts professor was knocked back a few feet by the spell. Genevieve practically ran out of her office, hugging herself, with her anxiety sitting uncomfortably in her chest. She felt a panic attack coming on; she was overheating, her palms were sweaty, her heart felt like it would explode, she was shaking, and her breathing was becoming erratic. She was mindful of the clock, acknowledging she needed to get to her next period class within the next few minutes, but she needed to change. She couldn't wear this skirt anymore. She would never wear this skirt again.

* * *

"You were wearing a skirt this morning," Snape muttered nonchalantly as he gazed over the book he was reading. He was seated in the armchair of his quarters, his feet propped up on the coffee table as he read through his potions material. Genevieve sat across from him on the sofa, her feet also propped up on the coffee table. However, she kept hers several inches away from his, rolling her ankle mindlessly as she graded papers. While she had heard her partner's comment, she didn't show any sign that she had acknowledged it. Severus nudged her feet with his own. "Gen?"

"I was cold," she responded emotionlessly. She did not look up from her writing, but her heart skipped beats when she heard him exhale sharply and shuffle in his seat. The words on the paper she was reading bled together as her vision blurred with tears and she attempted to read the words faster. However, Genevieve's default language in her head was not English. She thought in Dutch, meaning her racing thoughts were clashing with the English she was reading and thus she held absolutely no retention of information. "It's November, I should have put my skirts away months ago and taken out some trousers."

Normally, that would have been a believable excuse. After all, she was perpetually cold and when she wasn't presentable for teaching, she was wearing endless layers. However, Severus had a gut feeling that's not what happened today to make her change. It felt different than all the other times she's announced she was cold. It seemed rehearsed, almost a forced response.

"You like wearing your skirts. You usually just wear your thermal tights underneath them as the temperatures drop, so I don't think you were cold," Severus continued as he placed his book down on the coffee table. He observed his partner for a moment, noticing the way she rubbed her ribcage from beneath her sweater. "What happened today, princess?"

"I decided not to wear my thermals today," she mumbled as she flipped the page over. She scribbled out some notes she had written down, acknowledging she was now writing in Dutch and not in English. Frustrated, she put her pen down and tugged on both of her sleeves. "I liked my outfit without them so I tolerated the cold, okay? Now I'm cold so I put trousers on."

Heart stopping at the way she tugged at her sweater, he immediately approached her and sat beside her on the sofa. Her fidgeting increased, a telltale sign that she was getting progressively more anxious so he gave her a little space. She tensed and screwed her eyes shut. "Gen, roll up your sleeves."

Without any hesitation, Genevieve did what was asked of her. It was expected, but she had nothing to hide; she had not harmed herself on any of her limbs, so when no new cuts were revealed, Severus grew increasingly more confused on what had happened that day. He could not understand why she was tugging at her sleeves if she were not hiding a relapse. It wasn't an anxious tic and she never did it when she was actually cold, so something truly disrupting to her functioning equilibrium must have happened. That or her medications weren't working. Still, he persisted, and continued with the rest of his check in.

"I need to check your thighs too, pretty girl," he added gently. Severus harmlessly tapped on her thigh but the unexpected touch made her tense immediately and she squirmed away from his hand. She looked up at him, their eyes meeting, and her heart stopping in her chest. Her eyes were glossed over with panic, but it was not the same panic as being caught relapsing. Snape had seen that many times before, this was different. This looked like pure and utter fear.

"I don't feel comfortable with you looking at my body," she stated a little too harshly. Taken aback by her tone, Severus pulled his hands back in his lap and scooted over to give her some more space. It was obvious to him in that moment that she had not relapsed, but there was definitely something else going on. Even if she had been harming herself, she had absolutely no hesitation to undress for him. She trusted him with her body.

"Genevieve, what happened today?" Severus attempted to reach his hand back out to stroke her dark hair as a form of comfort, but she reflexively grabbed his wrist tightly. Genevieve had the constant urge to relapse, but the thought of Lockhart calling her current scars abhorrent motivated her to stay clean in a way that was most deranged to her. She had always hated them, but this took it to a different level. Nobody had ever commented on them before except for that hideous man. She didn't want Severus to see them anymore. She didn't want to see them. They weren't pretty, and by extension she wasn't pretty.

"Nothing happened," she responded as she started gathering her things. She organized her parchments into a folder and stacked them as she put them in her bag. Her voice faltered as desperate as she was to reassure her partner that her day had gone perfectly fine but she gasped audibly when he reached out to grab her hand to get her to stay.

"Where are you going?" he asked, his voice a little more frantic. She yanked her hand back. The change in her demeanor was scaring him and of course he was assuming the worst. As she usually did when she was overwhelmed, she began counting in Dutch under her breath as she finished shoving folders into her bag.

"I'm sleeping in my quarters tonight," she responded, her voice cracking as she looked at him.

"It's barely four o'clock," he reasoned. "You're supposed to go to the quidditch match and sit with me while I have to be there with Lucius. I need you there. Please don't go."

In that moment, Snape's mind would not stop replaying everything he had done with her in the last 24 hours. He was convinced that he had hurt her, that he had done something wrong, and/or he said something to upset her and that meant he needed to figure out what he did and make it right. His mind jumped from assumption to assumption and he knew he was spiraling. It was irrational of course, but no matter how many skills he learned in therapy, moods like this convinced him that Genevieve was abandoning him.

"Did I do something? I'm sorry if I did something. I didn't mean it princess, I promise I didn't mean it. Please stay here tonight, don't go. I need you here. I love you," he said as he started hyperventilating. Tears were welling in his eyes now and he wrapped his arms around himself, trying his hardest not to lose himself in what he knew was the beginning of another episode.

"You didn't do anything," she sobbed as she slung her bag over her shoulder. "I love you too, I just need space. It's my fault. It's me. It's not you, it's not us."

"You won't let me touch you," he pointed out as tears streamed down his cheeks. Rationally, he knew he did nothing wrong but the voice in his head convinced him that she was lying, that she was leaving, and in that moment her words meant nothing. Of course, she had never lied to him, but he was terrified this would be the last time he saw her. "Please don't go. If I won't see you the rest of today, I don't want us to go to bed like this. Can we talk about it? What happened today?"

As Severus reached out for her again, pleading for her to at least touch him and to have some sort of comfort, but she grabbed his wrist and held him there. "I don't want sex," she snapped as she shoved his hand back. "I don't want to fuck you."

Snape was dumbfounded and his heart stopped in his chest. There was absolutely no insinuation of any sexual favors in his intentions, nor did he want it. He paused as he aggressively wiped the tears streaming down his cheeks. Over the last few weeks, he had not initiated or asked for any sexual activities. That would have been completely manipulative of him given her mental state, and he didn't want to do that to his partner. He loved her and valued her trust in him.

"Genevieve," he started softly. He organized his thoughts as he tried to reason with himself, and after mentally engaging in some of the coping mechanisms he learned in therapy, he tried to listen to his rational voice rather than the irrational, disordered one of his PTSD. It was hard, but his confusion with her assumption made everything else take a backseat in his mind. "I didn't ask you for sex. I asked you to talk. Why do you think I want sex?"

Without responding, Genevieve simply left his quarters. Severus let her, confused by her behavior, but hoped whatever was happening would pass soon. He prayed to Merlin that she would talk to him or at least to Minerva about it. Of all the things he assumed could have happened – the situation with her mother, the anniversary of Luuk's death approaching, and the overall experience of this depressive episode – any further interactions with Lockhart had not crossed his mind. To his knowledge, Albus had been handling it, therefore he had no reason to assume he was continuing to harass his partner. Or, after today, that he had assaulted her.

When Genevieve arrived back to her quarters, she shut and locked the entrance using an enigmatic lock sequence to keep it from being opened by _Alohomora_ or any similar unlocking spells. As she advanced into her living space, she used _Lumos_ in order to investigate, paranoid that Lockhart would be waiting for her. However, upon the realization that she was alone, she lit the fireplace and hugged herself as she waited for her body to warm up. Her attention was caught by her reflection in the full length mirror she kept propped up in the corner by her fireplace. Each morning she used it to check her appearance, but tonight there was a new usage.

The young witch did not hesitate to undress herself, laying her trousers and sweater in a pile beside her. The warm orange light of the fireplace and the low position of the late afternoon sun accentuated the different types of scars that mottled her hips, thighs, and forearms. Her heart stopped at the realization that Lockhart was right – they were ugly. Her fingertips traced the length of some scars that were raised with hyperpigmentation, paying extra attention to the way they curved over her thighs. It was difficult for Genevieve to recall a time that these scars did not exist. They wrapped around the sides of her hips, and as she turned to look at them her eyes hyperfixated on other parts of her body. Obsessively she ran her hand over the way her stomach bulged with a little pouch, the curve of her love handles over her hips, the excess skin and stretch marks that lined her inner thighs, the way her breasts sat, her arms jiggled, and the rolls of fat on her back. Thoughts like these had never crossed her mind before, not about her own body, and in that moment she affirmed that she wasn't pretty.

Distressed by what she saw, Genevieve skipped the quidditch match entirely. She knew she promised Severus she would go because he was nervous around Lucius Malfoy, but she couldn't bring herself to stop picking apart her new insecurities. Seated on the floor, Genevieve positioned her body in different ways to see how it changed and bulged. She found herself hating the way her stomach folded over, the cellulite that poked along her thighs, and she desperately tried to push her breasts up to be perkier. Numbness consumed her; she could not cry, but she felt like she needed to. She did not understand how Severus had ever found her to be attractive to begin with, despite all the sweet things he said to her while she was at an all time low functioning depression. The woman she looked at in the mirror was unrecognizable. Pulling her partner's large sweater over her head, she made the lame attempt to hide her body. An ache sat in her chest as she went to her bedroom and pick through her clean laundry, putting on the largest clothes she owned so she didn't have to see those anymore.

She made the conscious decision not to eat dinner that night.

* * *

The sound of rapid knocking at the front door to her quarters woke Genevieve up from a rather peaceful slumber, which was surprising given the previous day's events. She sighed upon realizing her bed was empty, but as she reoriented herself to her surroundings, she remembered that she had asked – or, told – Severus that she wanted space. Regret was her immediate thought; she wanted him there to hold her now that she had calmed down from being assaulted. The knocking did not relent. Grabbing her wand, Genevieve made her way over to the door and opened it, prepared to defend herself, but when she saw Minerva standing there with her arms folding neatly in front of her, she tucked her wand into the deep pocket of her sweatpants.

McGonagall's brows were drawn together and her eyes were saddened with a type of concern Genevieve had never seen in her mentor. The older witch simply peered at her clothes; Snape's sweater smelled like him and it brought a similar comfort to his cloak, therefore it was not surprising that she wore it, but the sweatpants and the thick cardigan she pulled on over the sweater were both much too large for her. It was not like Genevieve to wear something like that. She was very expressive when it came to fashion.

"You weren't at breakfast, so I worried," Minerva said softly. Gen shrugged and tucked her arms across her chest as she stepped back to let her into her quarters. Minnie didn't hesitate but was overwhelmed by the mess she saw. Despite Severus's attempts to help, her quarters remained cluttered with dishes everywhere, garbage piled, and parchments displayed.

"I'm sorry. I haven't cleaned up yet," Gen mumbled as she started clearing tea mugs and other dishes from her kitchen table and putting them in the sink. McGonagall didn't respond, but simply observed the way she frantically cleaned. "Do you want tea or coffee? I also baked some banana bread the other day, I can heat some up in the toaster for you."

"I'm okay dear," Minerva responded with a half-hearted smile. Between the two women, there was an awkward silence as the older witch attempted to find a way to initiate a conversation she wasn't sure should be facilitated without Severus present. She wanted more than anything to comfort her mentee, but the way Severus had phrased what happened rubbed her the wrong way and she wasn't sure she wanted to give her input. Her insight was different than his. "But you're not, so what happened yesterday?"

Sighing, Genevieve turned to face her. "If Severus sent you, I really don't want to talk about it. I appreciate your concern, though."

Turning back to her dishes, Genevieve meticulously scrubbed each one as a way of distracting herself and jumped when Minerva rested a hand on her upper back to comfort her. Flashes of Lockhart's hands touching her caused her to drop one of the dishes she was washing, the porcelain shattering over the dark stone floor. McGonagall stepped back to clean up the mess, grabbing her wand as a means to do so, but Genevieve looked like she was about to cry. She was overwhelmed by it and gripped the countertop, her knuckles white as she tried to suppress the memory. But it kept replaying over and over.

"Minerva," she managed weakly. Her mentor immediately stood beside her and rested a comforting hand on her cheek, stroking her skin gently with her thumb. Tears slid down her face and Minerva wiped them away without a second thought, sighing as she pulled her down into a tight embrace. With Genevieve being a few inches taller, it was quite the stretch to hug her, but she managed.

"Shh, you're okay," Minnie crooned gently as she stroked the back of Gen's head. Genevieve's knees felt weak and she was lightheaded, presumably because she had not eaten the night before, but she was determined not to eat today, either. "Let's sit down and we can talk, yes?"

"Yes," she cried as she pulled back from her mentor. Gen walked over to her sofa and sat with her legs tucked beneath her, her arms wrapped around herself as she pulled her cardigan tight. She didn't know exactly what to say to Minerva; there was no way she would be able to talk about what happened with Lockhart. She had already convinced herself that was considered cheating on Severus and she did not want to relive her sixth year. Perhaps if she said nothing then Severus would not leave her.

"Severus told me briefly about what happened with Gilderoy a few weeks ago," Minerva whispered as she took her mentee's hands in her own. They were ice cold to the touch and she tried to warm them between her own and Gen let her, though she did not like where this conversation was going. "I can assure you Albus is doing everything he can to handle the situation, though if I were Headmistress his arse would be out on the streets by now. What he's done is unacceptable. Is that what's bothering you?"

When Genevieve didn't respond, Minerva took that as a yes. She hated how well she knew her, but it was in a much more subtle way compared to Severus. While he was more observant towards the bigger picture, Minerva was insightful at the given moment, and that was the key difference between how the two looked after Genevieve. It was quite the duo.

Genevieve listened to her mentor speak with her eyes hyperfixated on the stack of potions books Severus had left right beside the armchair. She had forgotten he was reviewing materials with her the other night because there was an overlap in their classes this week involving Wiggenweld Potion and the sight of it made her heart ache.

The silence that fell within the room was telling to Minerva who seemed to always be perceptive to mood changes and subtle movements. She noticed that Genevieve had tucked her hands across her abdomen to stifle the sounds of her stomach and the way her eyes focused on something that wasn't her. And more than anything, she noticed the detachment from the conversation upon the mention of Lockhart.

"Did he do something else?" Minnie asked softly as she rested a hand on her mentee's knee. Gen met her eyes with tears welling in hers, anxiety written across her features. Her poker face was terrible and that was perhaps her biggest weakness. "Tell me what happened, I just want to help you, Genevieve."

"Just the same," she lied through her teeth as she forced a smile. "Verbal harassment, that's all. You don't have to worry, I'm okay. Really."


	23. PART TWENTY-THREE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: mention of sexual assault

After the petrification of Mrs. Norris, Ron, Harry, and Hermione were collectively on high alert. Within the recent weeks, they had come to the conclusion that the Chamber of Secrets existed and it laid somewhere within the ominous walls of the Hogwarts castle, and yet, as persistent and determined as they were to find it, they had absolutely no idea where to start looking. Hermione had been reading while Harry and Ron looked around and explored. That was true to their own niche, and as a group it worked. However, there was copious ground to cover and it was inherently intimidating to look.

Despite what happened to Mrs. Norris, classes resumed as usual but the intensity level of Professor Snape grew each day. While Harry was incredibly thankful he had muttered a counter-curse to save his life during his first quidditch match the previous year, Snape had grown extremely belligerent and more verbally abusive than he usually was. His relationship with Professor de Keyser had softened him marginally; it was clear to most students that she was holding him accountable for his actions, but besides teaching her classes, she was not around a lot and that enabled him to slip back into old habits. He was progressively angrier, graded harsher, and became much more combative with Gryffindor students. Gryffindor House was perturbed by this given that his partner was a Gryffindor herself - and a rather feisty one at that.

Sitting within the dimly lit potions laboratory, Ron, Harry, and Hermione were chatting amongst themselves while the class waited for Snape to enter. That morning had been rather stressful for them, and truthfully speaking none of them were in the mood to be completing a potion while the whereabout of the Chamber of Secrets was unknown.

"What do you think is going on with Professor de Keyser?" Ron asked as he turned his body in to face his best friends. Harry was seated in the middle of the two, writing down some notes. All of them were exhausted. "Do you think Snape had properly left her? Or maybe she's gotten some sense knocked into her and she's left him."

"I don't think so," Hermione interjected a bit too strongly. She had been hanging around Professor de Keyser's office since term started; her interests in healing magic were developing into a real passion and therefore she was constantly seeking her guidance. And when she wasn't, she simply sat in silence and did work. There was a lot of appreciation for the healing magic professor. "I still see them around the castle together. Snape's really gentle with her, it's hard to believe he's the same person who teaches this class."

"Mione, you're always in her office," Harry commented. Hermione met his eyes warily, chewing on her cheek. In fact, one of the reasons she stuck around the healing magic wing was because the two boys could be overwhelming. "What have you noticed?"

"She's not been in there," she responded. She tucked some of her dark curly hair behind her ear and bit her lip. The only people she had seen in her office were Lockhart and Snape. "Sometimes, I'll walk past it on my way to class and Professor Snape will be gathering some of her materials. Maybe she's going through something, I heard her father's a Death Eater and he's been released from Azkaban. There was an article in The Daily Prophet about it. The only Death Eater to serve a 10 year sentence."

Just as Hermione was finishing her thought, Snape barreled into the classroom, dramatically strutting to the podium as he usually did with his arms crossed over his chest and tucked within his cloak. His eyes were narrowed as they skimmed the sea of faces, taking mental note of who was and who was not present. His eyes rested on Harry and his friends for a brief moment. The entirety of the class gave him their undivided attention. His increase in aggression created a high intensity environment, especially for Gryffindors. They all desperately wanted to pass the class - it was, after all, a graduation requirement to take five years of potions.

"If you've read the syllabus you would know today we are brewing Wiggenweld Potion," Snape started emotionlessly. The class merely blinked. The way he was carrying himself already elicited stress within the students; it appeared that class today was going to be more restive than usual. "This potion will be talked about this week in Professor de Keyser's lecture, however while she will be focusing on its healing properties, we will primarily be focusing on it as the antidote for Sleeping Draught and the Draught of the Living Dead. When you've bottled your brew, mark your group's names and get out of my classroom. I am not in a forgiving mood for stupidity, so get to your brews."

As the class hurried to start their brews, Hermione took her sweet time reviewing the textbook for background on Wiggenweld Potion in order to make sure their potion was as close to perfect as it could be. Snape rarely gave full credit to a student, and it was even rarer for a Gryffindor student to receive one. She always liked to up her chances at a perfect mark. Ron took initiative to read the labels and sort through them given the ingredients list in their textbook and handed them to Harry to give to Hermione. As he pushed the flasks to his friend, Harry raised his hand. Snape approached their table.

"What is it, Potter?" he asked dryly, eyes narrowed as he pressed him palms into cold surface of the desk. There was absolutely no way he would tolerate this boy's childish behavior, whatever he assumed would be coming out of his mouth. His mind was still thinking about his partner and replaying the events of the last 24 hours, trying to remember what he did and why she reacted the way she had. He wanted the day to end so he could go take care of her.

"I don't mean to intrude sir, but is Professor de Keyser okay? She doesn't seem like herself." There was a silence between the trio and then with Snape, brows furrowed on why a student would possibly be concerned with their professor. Though terrified of the signature brutal backlash of Professor Snape, Hermione's curiosity was piqued. She too cared about her professor, who sort of was a mentor to her now, and looked up to meet the potion master's eyes.

Snape cleared his throat and broke eye contact as he stood up straight, adjusting his cloak as his eyes caught sight of a student raising their hand in the back of the classroom. Ron had braced himself, almost certain he would be hit with a book, but instead Snape tapped his fingers on the side of the table lightly and mumbled, "She's okay."

As he went and attended to another group, Ron's eyes were wide as he turned to face his friends. He was completely shocked that he hadn't exploded, but the whole school knew that Genevieve de Keyser was his biggest weakness. He loved her.

"Bloody hell, Harry," Ron sighed dramatically as he exhaled. He didn't even notice that he had been holding his breath. "You could've gotten us in so much trouble by asking about her."

"He's projecting," Hermione mumbled softly as she set up the cauldron. Harry handed her the flask containing salamander blood and a glass jar with lionfish spines. "That's why he's angry. He's scared."

"I think you're forgetting who we're talking about, Mione," Ron dismissed. Hermione glared at him and Harry sat back, letting the two stare each other down without him getting in the way. He simply wanted to finish the potion and leave, which he assumed the rest of the class wanted too. "Snape is not scared of anything. Everything is scared of him."

From across the room, Severus eavesdropped on their conversation. It was sweet that they were concerned for Gen, but that also meant she was not doing the best job at trying to hide her struggle from her students. That insinuated a strange power dynamic. However, he was insulted that Ron assumed he was not scared of anything. In part, he was scared of everything.

"20 points from Gryffindor, Mr. Weasley," Snape bellowed from across the room. The trio turned to face the loud voice and Ron locked eyes with the professor. He looked menacing. "I suggest you continue working on your brew rather than be caught up in my personal life and comment on matters you are not knowledgeable of. Detention for a week."

Ron sighed and slumped back in his stool as he rolled his eyes, but the immediate realization of how he had been disrespectful hit him and his heart stopped in his chest. Harry froze and Hermione continued brewing. "Another 10 points from Gryffindor for the attitude, Mr. Weasley. Would you like to keep going, or have you had enough of ruining everything for Gryffindor House?"

The entire class went silence as Severus chastised the redhead and he strode back over to the podium with his hands folded behind his back. His eyes scanned the class and attempted to observe them as a whole, but the time on the clock went by much too slow and he felt like he was suffocating on the anxiety he held for the uncertainties surrounding his relationship. He could not stop thinking about how Gen had reacted to him touching her and he tried his hardest to make sense of her reactions and her reflex, but there was nothing that pointed to a reason for them.

Out of all the things that had happened, the one thing Gen did that stuck out most to Severus was the irrational thought that he was soliciting sex. It baffled him. He had simply reached out to comfort her in an obvious moment of distress but she grew fearful and grabbed his wrist. Something in the way he reached out to touch her had translated to wanting sex, which he did not understand how that could have happened or if he was forgetting something else. He replayed that moment over and over in his head, each time paying attention to a new detail he hadn't seen before: the way her lip was bleeding from biting too hard, the smear of her mascara that she tried to wipe away earlier in the afternoon, how her hair was messy and her shirt unkempt. She was a mess that evening, and he could not fathom why that was.

* * *

It took most of the day for Genevieve to muster the courage to face her partner after not speaking to him since the previous evening. She hesitated to open the doors to his quarters, her heart thumping wildly against her chest as she tried to decide whether she wanted to interact with him. She wasn't upset or angry with him, but she was overcome with fear she had never experienced around him before and she did not know how to deal with it or what to do with it.

Taking a deep breath, Gen cast _Lumos_ as she entered Snape's quarters. It was dark, something she had expected, but the light coming from the tip of her wand enabled her to see that he was indeed home. His cloak was hung by the door and his shoes set neatly just beside it. She mirrored that setup by removing and hanging up her coat and kicking off her shoes before advancing further to find her partner.

"Severus?" she called out weakly. She cleared her throat, attempting to sound a bit stronger than she felt, and walked towards his common room. "Severus, I'm sorry."

Seated on the floor just in front of the fire was her partner, knees bent and wrists resting on top of them. His attention was caught by the sound of his name being called and upon further evaluation Genevieve realized he had been crying. She wanted to comfort him, to kiss his tears away and hold him tight, but her body would not let her.

"Gen," he acknowledged softly as he wiped the tears off his cheeks. He looked completely broken, something she had not seen in months. With proper therapy and more recently the addition of medication, he had been doing so well. An ache sat uncomfortably in Gen's chest when she realized she had caused this. Part of her wanted to flee. "I didn't hear you come in."

"I'm sorry about yesterday," she whispered as she approached him. She got down on her knees beside him and sat back on her heels, reaching out to stroke her partner's dark hair. It was wet from having gotten out of the shower and was therefore cold, a sensation she did not like, yet she kept petting him. Without any hesitation, Severus leaned into her simple affections; both of their primary love languages were touch and the last 24 hours had made him feel unloved by the rejection of his affection. "I didn't mean to get you worked up like that."

"I thought you were leaving me," he mumbled brokenly, more tears sliding down his cheeks. Severus was so hesitant to touch her after what had happened the night before, afraid if he did then she would go away again. He had still convinced himself he fucked up and was truthfully surprised she had come to see him so willingly, but was so desperate for her affection that he couldn't be bothered by those thoughts. The sensation of her thumb stroking his cheek was more than enough to mute that tiny voice in his head. "What did I do?

"Oh, mijn schatje," she sighed, taking his face in both her hands now. She continued to wipe away his tears as she thought of something to say. More than anything she wanted him to touch her, to feel his soft hands trail along her skin, his gentle kisses, and the way he played with her hair when they cuddled. Anxiety disguised as hesitation prevented it. "You didn't do anything. I promise, my sweet. I'm sorry that I triggered you, I didn't mean to hurt you like that. It wasn't my intention."

Letting his legs straighten out, Severus tugged on his partner so she would sit in his lap with her legs on either side of him. She tensed, but followed the lead he had set as sat down in his lap. Her heart was racing as he cupped her face in his hands, stroking her soft skin. She was absolutely terrified, but his gentleness and ability to read her body language in that moment made it easier for her to relax. He was slow with his movements.

"Then what happened?" he asked softly. "Why are you so skittish?"

"I got a call from my father," she mumbled. It wasn't completely a lie; she had spoken to him, but she suppressed the conversation entirely. "My mother only has weeks left with her cancer and he wanted me to say goodbye to her, so I've been anxious."

Something about this excuse felt inherently wrong to Severus. It didn't make sense for a phone call to make her terrified of physical touch, but he went along with it. He didn't want to start another argument. "Do you want to go say goodbye to her?"

"No," she responded a little too quickly. She crossed her arms over her chest, slowly adjusting to the feeling of his affections. It helped her relax a little and she leaned into his touch. "I don't want to see her or my father."

"You might regret that when she's dead," Severus reasoned, though Genevieve had already made up her mind. She was stubborn and stuck in her own ways, therefore there was absolutely no way he could persuade her otherwise. Perhaps that was her biggest weakness.

"I'm not going to see her, Severus," she asserted. The change in her tone made him withdraw his affections and he was startled, but she grabbed his hand and brought it back to her face. She had not realized how much she needed his touch until now. "Please stay."

"Okay, pretty girl," he whispered as he kissed her softly. He had been expecting her to push him away, but she returned it fervently as if she had been craving it. And she was. Part of her wanted him to touch her so that there was a new association in her brain with having someone's hands in her panties and the other part of her was terrified of having his hand anywhere below her neck in fear of being groped.

Severus was confused by the intensity of her kiss but nevertheless did not object to it. However, when his hands dropped to her waist, her heart stopped in her chest and she pulled back. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and her breathing became extremely uneven, the light of the fireplace making her tear covered face glisten. Immediately Severus dropped his hands from her body and tensed his fists as his sides.

"This isn't about your parents," he mumbled as he summoned a tissue for her. "You're scared of me touching you. If I didn't do anything, then what happened, Gen?"

"I don't want to talk about it," she cried. In that moment, her brain replayed the way Gilderoy slid his hands into her panties and rubbed her clit, the sensation of his breath on her making her heart pick up in pace. She tried to blink the memory back. "Please don't make me talk about it."

"I'm not going to force you to talk about anything," he said with his eyebrows furrowed. The way she writhed in his lap and screwed her eyes shut with her palms pressed to her forehead was completely worrying and he attempted to get her to stop. It looked painful. "Princess, I wouldn't force you to do anything you didn't want to do. What do you need from me right now?"

"Hold me," she whimpered as she laid her head against his shoulder. She tucked her arms against her abdomen as he wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace, rubbing small circles into her back. "Please don't go, Severus."

"I'm not going anywhere," he reassured as he kissed the side of her head. His eyes drifted shut as tears streamed down his cheeks. He was incredibly confused on what had happened to her and desperately tried to put together any coherent thoughts he had to determine what or who had hurt her. "If you won't talk to me about it, at least talk to Minerva or your therapist. You're worrying me."

"I didn't mean to," she repeated over and over. That simple statement confused him and he held her tightly against his chest, trying his best to comfort her. Genevieve was very conscious in her decisions as impulsive as she appeared to be on the outside. The mulled over things constantly, so for her to plead that she didn't mean to do something usually indicated self-blame for something out of her control. He had gotten into arguments with her about things of the same nature before.

"Didn't mean to do what?" he soothed. His heart was pounding against his chest as he tried to make sense of her body language. She tried to make herself smaller, to hide herself against his body. Nothing was making sense. Sniffling, Gen buried her face into her partner's neck.

"I'm sorry that I'm a whore, I didn't mean to do it, I promise I didn't." She cried harder, her body wracked with sobs as Severus held her tight. He respected his partner more than anything and the trust they held for one another was one of the most rewarding relationships he's ever had, but in this moment he feared more for her emotional safety than anything else and therefore attempted to use legilimency. It was the only way he could think to help because she was in no state to care for herself and he was terrified. However, his entire body went numb when he realized she was using occlumency.

Severus's eyes darted back and forth a few times, attempting to penetrate the mental shield she had put up, but she did not relent. He did not remember teaching her occlumency nor did he know she was learning how to use it. She was by no means a master at it; there were bits and pieces he could gather but they were general emotions: shame, betrayal, fear. Nothing pointing to why she was behaving the way she was. His anxiety became suffocating and suddenly he had a gut feeling. If the feeling was correct, everything had to do with Lockhart. There was no other logical explanation.

Attempting to remain calm, Snape simply asked, "What did you do, angel?"

His voice was sterner than he had intended, a tone Genevieve had not heard from him since she was his teaching aide. He had not meant it to come across that way, but the thought of Gilderoy Lockhart doing something to his love made him anxious, scared, and most importantly angry and impatient. Perhaps his biggest fear was that it didn't have to do with Lockhart, though. Then that would be out of Snape's control.

Wiping away the tears dripping off his chin, Snape continued. "Was it Lockhart? Did he hurt you again?"

At this point, Genevieve had been crying for so long she had a pounding headache and her entire body was overheating. She felt nauseous, her stomach churning uncomfortably as she sat up to look at him. Her eyes were puffy and snot was dripping. Severus simply summoned a tissue for her and she refused to speak anymore.

Furrowing her brows, Gen tried to remember the last time she had eaten. It definitely wasn't today - at around 8pm she was still running on empty - but for the previous day she was certain she skipped dinner but could not remember anything beforehand. Perhaps it had accidentally been longer than she thought. Her original punishment had just been dinner and perhaps breakfast, but she was numb to the hunger pains now and didn't see the point of breaking her fast as awful as she felt. She swayed slightly and gripped her partner's shoulders to steady herself as she met his eyes.

"Let's get you some Sleeping Draught," he offered gently, reaching up to wipe the tears off her cheeks with the knuckle of his forefinger. Snape forced himself to keep his breath even as his method of reining in his anger towards Lockhart. "You can sleep in my bed tonight, and if it would make you feel more comfortable, I can sleep on the sofa."

"No," she objected as she rubbed her eyes. She felt her heart rate pick up at the idea of him leaving her alone; she had immediately regretting leaving him when she woke up this morning and she didn't want to have that again. "I want you to cuddle with me."

The way Genevieve swayed was alarming to Severus, and he carefully kept his hand within her line of sight as he pressed the back of his hand to her forehead. She wasn't warm, but her eyes were hazy and she seemed out of it. The world was spinning now as she looked around the room. "Have you taken care of yourself today, my love?"

"Yes," she lied through her teeth. Her eyes were heavy now but Severus could see straight through her poker face. He furrowed his brows, clearly not satisfied with her answer.

"You took your medications today?" he persisted. When she nodded her head he continued down the list. "You've had water? And eaten?"

"Yes." The doubt in his eyes made Gen wonder if her mediocre attempt at occlumency was faltering and if her mental shield was not working as well as she thought. She had only read into it; she was not taking lessons nor was she actively practicing with anyone. Well, she supposed she was practicing now. Standing up from his lap, Genevieve continued swaying.

"Let's get you to bed then," Snape said as he stood. He turned away for a second to clean up the mess he had made with parchments earlier that evening, snapping his fingers to light the candles that lined the room before he turned towards the bedroom.

There was a white fuzzy light and the world spun rapidly. "Severus," she said anxiously. By the time Severus had turned around, Genevieve had fainted.

* * *

The day was gloomy, raindrops beating against the window and along the roof. Gen had a pillow pressed to her abdomen as she stared at her therapist, body still swimming in the large and oversized clothes that she wore. She had raided her partner's closet for his sweaters which he only wore when he wasn't teaching. She knew he wouldn't miss them. Katie noticed that she looked tired; her eyes were heavy, her mascara smeared, and she was wearing her glasses instead of her contacts. Her hair was pulled back into a messy bun on top of her head. It was definitely alarming.

Clearing her throat, Katie twirled a pen between her fingers. Her legs were crossed and she tapped her foot in the air as she observed her client. Gen chewed on her chapped lips as she listened to the rain. She was still feeling awful; despite fainting two days ago she had still not eaten. There was a delirious high that came from starving herself, one she did not get from pressing a razor to her skin, and Severus had yet to catch on.

"Why don't you walk me through what happened with Gilderoy?" Katie asked calmly. Gen's eyes glossed over her therapist's collected appearance, noticing that her kinky curly hair was not pulled up today but was down and she wore a subtle lip gloss that complimented her dark complexion. Her voice was always hushed, but today she seemed more gentle than usual. It was comforting, but besides the gist of what happened, she could not bring herself to verbalize that had happened with Lockhart.

"There's nothing else to say," Gen admitted as she picked at her fingers. "He pinned me down and fingered me. I told him no, pushed him off, used a defensive spell, and changed my clothes."

"You're not allowing yourself to process it," Katie pointed out. "You're blaming yourself. This is a safe space, Gen. You're allowed to verbally process it. You can say things out loud."

"I blame myself because it's my fault," Genevieve insisted. Katie's eyebrows furrowed and she jotted it down in her notebook. Irritated, Gen looked up and wiped her eyes, staring at the way the paint was chipping on the ceiling. "Maybe I shouldn't have worn that skirt."

"Clothes don't equal consent," the therapist asserted. The statement caught Gen's attention and she snapped back to attention. "Just because you were wearing a skirt did not give Gilderoy permission to finger you."

Though it made sense, to Genevieve that was a lie. She liked wearing her skirts but most of the time she enjoyed it because she wanted attention from her partner. By extension, maybe it meant she wanted attention from other men, too.

"My body responded to it so I must have wanted it," Genevieve mumbled. She tucked some loose strands of hair behind her ears and pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose, fidgeting anxiously with the gold band on her finger. "I must have liked it because I tried not to moan. I like when Severus does that and though Gilderoy was really rough when rubbing my clit, he fingered me the way Severus did and my body responded to it. It felt the same."

"Here's the thing about female anatomy," Katie said as she leaned forward. She placed her notepad and pen down and folded her hands together as she rested her elbows on her knees. "We have a biological protective mechanism that keeps us safe during sexual assault-"

"I wasn't assaulted," Genevieve asserted a bit too strongly. Katie paused at the tenacious response of her client and pressed her lips together with her brows furrowed. She acknowledged in that moment that Gen was still in the denial stage.

"Genevieve," Kate soothed. She was growing increasingly worried with this cognitive distortion that she had persuaded herself was true. "You told me not even five minutes ago that you told Gilderoy no and he still touched you anyways. By law that's sexual assault by penetration."

"My body still responded to it," Genevieve continued to insist.

"The female anatomy has a protective mechanism to keep us safe, even when sexual activities are consensual," Katie started once again. "There is always the possibility or tearing or pain, so the female body self-lubricates to prevent any damage. So while you were telling Gilderoy no, your body was protecting you from any harm. Your arousal in this situation was a survival mechanism, not because you wanted or liked it. Now, walk me through it. Process it with me."

"I was grading papers during my free period. Gilderoy walked into my office a little more confident than usual so I tucked my wand between the books in case I needed to use it. I was scared if he saw it that he would snatch it, so I kept it hidden," Genevieve mumbled. She pulled the pillow closer to her chest as tears welled in her eyes. She didn't want to talk about this anymore. "Do we have to talk about this?"

"I want to provide you with a sense of validation," Katie asserted. "You're were sexually assaulted. But Genevieve, you're in denial that what you experienced was sexual assault because you believe you were asking for it with what you were wearing. It's important that we get through this. I know it's difficult, but therapy isn't always supposed to be easy. What happened after you hid your wand?"

"Gilderoy sat next to me and he stroked my thigh. He asked me to step into his second year class to standby in case students were hurt practicing the Full-Body Bind Curse. I told him no and to ask the healer in the Hogwarts hospital wing. He told me he had done that already. I pushed him away and told him to get out of my office, but he persisted."

"This sounds incredibly difficult," Katie acknowledged. She sat back in her chair and once again resumed writing, the thunder rolling in the distance a steady background noise to their conversation. "What did he do next?"

"He grabbed my throat and forced me to sit on my desk. He steadied me by my ribcage and whenever I moved, he squeezed along my ribs. I was terrified he would crack them so I started listening to him." Genevieve squirmed in her seat and tugged on her sleeves, a reflex she had developed when thinking about the way he sexualized her body and degraded her scars. "He said my scars were abhorrent and said that Severus must fuck me face down to just look at my arse."

Katie watched the way she tensed and clenched her fists in attempt to soothe herself, something that had developed as she fought to remain clean from self-injury. She placed her notepad and pen back down and held out her hands for her client. "You can take my hands if it would help with the urges."

Without hesitation, Genevieve took her hands and squeezed tightly. Katie took note of how clammy they were, but never let her attention drift away from her client. "He rubbed my clit roughly and it hurt so I squirmed. I started crying and pushing him back again. I remember seeing that he had an erection and in my head I was mentally preparing for him to have sex with me. He started fingering me after that, and I somehow ended up pushing him off of me. I scrambled for my wand, used the Knockback Jinx, and I left my office to change into trousers before I went to teach for the rest of the day."

"What happened after you finished teaching?" Katie asked. She remained cool in demeanor, but Genevieve noticed how furious her eyes were. When she had told Severus about the harassment, he had looked at her the exact same way.

"I graded papers in Severus's quarters and he commented that I was wearing a skirt earlier that day. He asked me to roll up my sleeves so I did, and then he tapped on my thigh to show that he also needed to check those too. I was terrified of him seeing them after that Gilderoy said about my scars and I snapped. He tried to comfort me and I kept pushing him away, and that triggered him. He thought I was abandoning him. I was just scared of being touched."

"That's a completely normal response to have for someone who was just assaulted," Katie reassured. Genevieve pulled her hands back and looked out the window, now acknowledging that the storm was passing but it still remained rather gloomy outside.

"I can't tell him what happened," Gen said as she hyperfixated on a large puddle outside. She wiped away the remainder of the tears dripping off her chin and averted her gaze to her lap where she picked at the chipped nail polish she was wearing. "He'll leave me."

"From what you've told me about your relationship with Severus and the conversations I've had with him about your treatment, he is a very understanding and educated man and he clearly loves you. He wants nothing but the best for you, so I don't see how he would leave you if you told him your colleague assaulted you." Katie stated bluntly. "Do you think that's an irrational or rational thought?"

"But I cheated on him," she whimpered, the tears starting to well in her eyes again. "I did what I told myself I would never do again after my sixth year. I am so in love with Severus and I hurt him, and I don't want him to leave me. If he finds out Lockhart touched me he'll call me a whore."

"Sexual assault does not equate to an affair," Katie clarified. Her brows were furrowed now as she took in the demeanor of her client. She jotted down the way she was picking at her nails and tapped her foot on the rug. "You didn't cheat on him."

Now outwardly sobbing, Genevieve hugged herself, and took her glasses off so she could properly wipe her face with the sweater she was wearing. It was Snape's sweater and it smelled like him which normally would bring her immense comfort but she could not calm herself down. She was consumed with guilt.

"I was starting to feel better, Katie," she cried. "Severus didn't need to bathe me, or force feed me, or get me to take my medications. I was functioning better and gaining parts of my life back. Seeing you twice a week and having my medications adjusted helped. I could take care of myself. It was still hard but it was manageable. I _was_ taking care of myself. Before Gilderoy came into my office, I was planning to talk to Severus because I thought I was ready to have sex again, but after he left I'm doubting myself. Now, I feel like crying just thinking about Severus putting his hands on me."

"You're allowed to feel those things," Katie said gently. "Healing is just learning how to process them in healthy ways and make choices to lessen the effect on your daily functioning. You may not feel like you're ready for sex now, and that's okay."

"The thing is Katie, I want to have sex," Gen admitted as she wiped her nose with a tissue. Her vision was still blurred with tears and her chest felt tight. "It's a big part of my connection with Severus. It's not necessarily the most important thing or the glue to our relationship, but our love language is primarily physical touch. I feel loved when we have sex and my relationship with my body is so tainted now."

"That's a pattern I've noticed when you talk about previous partners, too," Katie pointed out. "You say you feel loved when you have sex. Have you ever been in a relationship where you felt loved outside of having sex?"

"With Severus," she said without hesitation. "I never felt that as a teenager with Sarah or Caleb, and I never felt that as an adult with the other flings I've had. Severus makes me feel loved every moment of every day but I also just really like having sex with him."

"There are other types of physical touch besides sex," Katie responded. "What are some other ways you feel physically connected to him? While you are healing from your assault and determining when you want to have sex again, how can Severus show he loves you without it being too much for you?"

"I like it when he rubs my back or lightly scratches it," Gen said. She cracked a soft smile when she said that and continued wiping her eyes. "But I like it at the end of the day when he slides his hand under my sweater and unclasps my bra to do it. And when he kisses my head and reads to me."

"If you aren't ready to tell Severus that Gilderoy assaulted you and your sex life is strained for numerous reasons, perhaps you can try to separate his unwanted advances from the way Severus loves you. Like when he rubs your back and kisses your head. Take it slow, one step at a time."


	24. PART TWENTY-FOUR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: smut, body image issues, consequences of food restriction

"Pretty girl," Severus crooned sweetly as he rested his hand along her upper back and leaned down to pepper kisses along the side of her head. Gen had been sleeping peacefully for most of the day, attempting to gain some additional hours of rest after spending the last two weeks crying from pure exhaustion and anxiety. When her partner tried to wake her, she stirred slightly and grumbled as she swatted his hand away.

"Mm, go away," she mumbled as she turned over and buried her face into the pillow. Snape chuckled softly and continued kissing the back of her head, now rubbing gentle circles along her back. Usually, he would not have woken her up, but it was well past noon now and she had yet to take care of herself at all. "It's Sunday, I want to sleep."

"Princess, you've been asleep all day. It's almost one o'clock; let's get you something to eat and to take your medication," he murmured as he started running his fingers through her long hair. She hummed softly at the affection and leaned back into his touch just enough for him to steal a kiss from her lips. "Come on, pretty girl, let's get up and start your day."

"Laat me alleen," she grumbled with a pout. Her eyes drifted open as she peered up at her partner, pupils dilating to take in his appearance. It was clear within his expression that he had absolutely no idea what she had said, but he kissed her forehead and took that as a cue to get up from the bed. "Wait, baby no, come rub my back."

Turning back to face his partner, Snape could not help the smile the spread across his features as he laid back down on the bed with her. Gen turned over so that she was laying on her stomach, eyes still hazy with sleep as she met Severus's loving gaze. He leaned down and kissed her nose as he slid his hand underneath her sweater to rub circles directly onto her warm skin.

Severus enjoyed the sensation of her ribcage expanding with each deep inhale, the feeling a reminder that her breathing was even and calm. Over the last two weeks, she struggled so much with her anxiety that any time he provided this sense of comfort, her breathing was shallow and erratic. It made him happy to finally see her so peaceful, at least for a little while. Snape had not figured out what Lockhart did - or _if_ he did - something to his partner. She refused to talk about it and the sudden development of her occlumency skills prevented any sort of interpretation of her thoughts. He had yet to confront her about any of that; she had such a hard time adjusting to his touch over the last two weeks that he was terrified it would set her back if he mentioned either of those things.

Pulling himself back from his own thoughts, he started lightly scratching her back. Her eyes drifted shut again and he could see she was starting to fall asleep. "I made you a vegetable stir fry with rice for lunch," he murmured in a lame attempt to keep her awake. "You didn't really touch your dinner last night and I'm starting to worry. You usually have a decent appetite."

Eyes snapping open, Genevieve's heart skipped a few beats and Snape frowned when he felt her breathing quicken. This particular trigger didn't make sense to him. "I'll eat when I get up," she responded a bit too sharply. She shrugged away from his touch and buried herself further into the sweater that she wore, if possible.

"You need to get up and eat now," Severus asserted once again. "Are you slipping back into another depressive episode? Do we need to phone your therapist?"

"First of all," Genevieve grumbled as she turned her back towards him again and pulled the blankets up to her shoulders. "I never came out of my episode, I'm just high functioning and better at masking it. Second of all, I don't _need_ to do anything so don't order me around."

Dumbfounded by her retaliation, Severus furrowed his brows. "No, you _need_ to put some food into your body. You're losing weight again and it's worrying me."

That sentence made Gen's heart stop in her chest and she pulled the blankets further up to try and hide her existence for a moment. She way she writhed was an obvious indication of how uncomfortable she was by the comment he made and he reached out to attempt to rub her back again. "I'm sorry, princess," he whispered sweetly. "I didn't mean to be so aggressive about it. I'm just really worried about you, especially over these last two weeks. You're not yourself."

"You don't need to be, and I'm not losing weight," she snapped. She tensed under his affection and he immediately withdrew his hand. "Please don't comment on my body."

"I'm sorry," he said again, attempting to reach out to provide affection again. He didn't know how else to show her that he loved her and that he was genuinely sorry for what he said, even though for the past two weeks she had been pushing him away at odd times. Like this. However, Genevieve let him move her hair off her shoulder and kiss right behind her ear. She held her breath. "I love you, sweet girl."

"I love you too," she mumbled, finally getting over the tiny grudge she was holding and turning back to face her partner. She squirmed out of the thick duvet and into his arms instead, enjoying the feeling of his fingers delving through her dark hair.

"Why don't you come take a bath with me and relax?" he whispered as he twirled some of her hair around his index finger. Gen hummed into the feeling, immediately calmed by it. "We can have a relaxing Sunday. You can sit in my lap while I read to you, I'll play with your hair... how does that sound, princess? I know you're stressed and I want to make sure you're taken care of."

"You do take care of me," she sighed. As much as she would have loved to take a bath with him and have some quality time, he was not wrong. She _was_ losing weight and she didn't want him to see that any more than he had already caught on to. Not to mention how repulsed she was by the sight of her scars since Lockhart made that comment; she rarely let _herself_ see her body, never mind her partner. "It sounds really nice, but I don't know about the bath, Sev."

"How about a shower then?" he asked. Truthfully, the most daunting thing about a bath was the fact she would have to sit down completely exposed to her partner which showed off all her biggest insecurities. If they were taking a shower, she would be standing and therefore there would be less fat rolls, stretch marks visible, etc. She simply nodded. "So we'll take a shower, you'll eat something, and I'll read to you and play with your hair. How does that sound for today? No stress."

"It sounds perfect," she murmured as she looked up at him. Completely over her grumpiness, she finally kissed him good morning - or, good afternoon, technically - and he pulled her closer. She gasped into the kiss before she pulled back. "Behave yourself, Severus, I've just woken up."

"Me? Behave?" he mumbled as he kissed down her neck softly. Severus didn't mean to be insinuating, merely innocent in his affections, but his entire mood shifted when she stifled a moan. He planted a light kiss on the soft underside of her jaw. "Is this okay?"

Genevieve thought about it for a moment and tried to remember what her therapist had told her to do in situations like this where her body and mind were conflicted. Severus had been more than considerate when it came to consent over the last two weeks, even for the smallest things, and he paused while he waited for her to respond. It was becoming easier for the young witch to separate her partner's love from her colleague's unwanted advanced, so with a nod she responded, "Yes." She knew at any moment if she didn't want it, she could revoke that consent and Severus would stop. He always did.

Severus continued planting kisses along her throat and Gen rested on the back of his head to hold him there. His kisses deepened and he dragged his teeth, sucked softly, and swirled his tongue over her soft skin until he was leaving hickeys all over her neck. His hand carefully trailed underneath the sweater she was wearing and he rolled one of her nipples between his fingers. This time, her moans were not as quiet.

"We're supposed to be taking a shower," she managed through another moan, her back arching into his touch. Severus felt her breathing hitch and he planted kisses until he reached just below her ear.

"Would you like to continue in the shower?" he murmured against her skin. Genevieve thought about it for a second; she reassured herself she was safe, that she could stop at any time, and reminded herself of their safe word. She felt nervous in the same way she was nervous to lose her virginity almost eight years before.

"Yes," she sighed, taking deep breaths as her partner pulled back and let her stand from the bed. She shed layers of clothes on her way to the washroom, though compared to Severus, she had many: a sweater without a bra, panties, thermals, sweatpants, and two pairs of socks. The December cold always got to her. Severus truthfully didn't care where his clothes ended up and tossed them wherever he could as they entered the washroom.

Genevieve turned on the shower to let it get hot while Severus wrapped his arms around her from behind, trailing kisses behind her ear and across her shoulders with one hand stroking between her legs. She suppressed a moan and audibly gasped when her turned her around by her hips and shoved her back against the wall. He kissed her fervently and pinned her wrists above her head. Gen's heart was racing now and she felt like she was suffocating but she desperately wanted to get over this fear of being touched. While she had progressively gotten better at accepting Snape's affections since her assault - an assault he did not know about - it took a lot more mental coaxing for her to decide that she was ready to have sex.

The steam swirling around the room was their indication that the shower was ready and the only reason the two stopped touching one another was to step beneath the running hot water. Severus cupped her face in his hands as he kissed her and his tongue traced the curve of her bottom lip. Gen parted her lips and moaned as he slid his tongue into her mouth, her hands reaching out to pull his hips towards her. She grabbed his hard cock firmly by the base and rubbed small circles around the head with her thumb each time she pumped the length with her palm. She was rewarded with a low moan in her mouth and her stomach fluttered but she was taken off-guard when he grabbed her wrists to prevent her from touching him.

"No touching," he reprimanded as he kissed down her neck and then over her breasts. He twirled his tongue around each one of her nipples trailed bites across her skin as he got down on his knees. He dragged his tongue down as he pulled her left leg over his shoulder. Genevieve was much more excited now rather than anxious and she hoped that meant this wouldn't make her fear of being touched worse.

Groping her ass, Severus pulled her closer as he dragged his flattened tongue up her pussy and moaned into her skin. The sensation cause Gen's breath to be caught in her throat, the sound making Snape's heart race. Desperate to steady herself and keep him in place, Gen kept one hand rested on his shoulder with her nails digging into his skin while the other tugged roughly on his dark hair as he ate her. He swirled his tongue around her clit and did not hesitate to insert two fingers into her. Brain going foggy and heart rate skyrocketing, Genevieve tried not to cry and attempted to mentally separate what Lockhart had done to her from what Snape was currently doing to her, but it wasn't working. She didn't want to spiral, she wanted to have sex. Besides his fingers, what was happening to her felt good and safe, so she took a deep breath and mustered the courage to ask him to change it.

"Severus, no fingers," she pleaded, her voice wavering. "Please no fingers."

He did not hesitate to remove them and once again rested them on her thighs, though he did look up at her as a quick check in. He could not tell she was crying from the water that was coming down on them, but she did not seem incredibly distressed nor did she use the safe word, therefore he persisted. Severus dipped his tongue inside her instead, and given her moans, he acknowledged it as much more comfortable and pleasurable for her. He made eye contact with her, taking note of how dark her eyes had gotten, and increased his pace. She pushed his hair out of her eyes as he switched to stroking her clit with a side-to-side motion using his tongue.

"Fuck," she moaned as her head fell back and her eyes drifted shut. Both of her hands now threaded through his dark hair and she tugged harshly, forcing him to stay where he was. "Don't move, please daddy... oh Merlin, right there daddy, right there. Make me come please, I'll be such a good little girl for you."

His partner's begging was more than enough encouragement to keep at the pace he was going at, despite how tired his jaw was getting. Gen's legs were shaking as she pulled his hair, her breathing more erratic and panting as she neared her finish. Severus was rock hard at the sound of her moans and completely out of breath, but he wanted more than anything for her to finish and pulled her even closer to him.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, daddy," she moaned loudly as she came, her entire body tensing as her orgasm rocked her. She pressed one of her hands to the wall to support herself, the other pushing on Snape's head to hold him in place, and she rode his face until she came down from her high. Her brain was foggy as he stood up and kissed her, and she dragged her tongue over his lips to taste herself. Severus's cock throbbed as she did so and he panted to catch his breath.

"Fuck me," she said huskily against his lips, pulling him closer to her. In Snape's head, it was an odd dynamic to have his partner be so demanding and to be pushing him around like she was. "I don't want to be able to walk daddy, please. Fuck me like a good little cum slut."

Genevieve was not usually this verbal during sex, but this new side of her was incredibly exciting and Snape wanted to indulge in it as much as he possibly could. He forcibly turned her around and shoved her up against the shower wall until her breasts and face were pressed to the cold surface before he forced her to spread her legs.

"I want to hear you beg for it again," Severus demanded as he steadied her with a hand pressed into her back. He could already tell she was going to be a whimpering little mess when he was done with her. "What do you want from me? Tell daddy."

Gen's brain was buzzing, her chest heaving, and legs shaking as he lined his cock up. He pressed the head in slowly and she moaned, but he stopped. "I said use your words, pretty girl."

"I want you to fuck me hard," she whined without missing a beat. She pushed her hips back onto him but he held her hips to prevent her from moving. "I want you to pull my hair, choke me, spank me until I'm red, call me your pretty whore and your little slut. Please daddy."

Snape's heart fluttered at her begging and pulled all of her dark hair into his hand, twisting it a few times before he yanked back on it. She gasped and moaned as he started fucking her and set the pace for them. Her stomach did flips as she pushed her hips back to meet his; she was absolutely soaked for him, her entire body trembling as he ruthlessly fucked her.

"Yes, daddy," she sputtered through moans. Snape knew with the way she was talking to him that he would not be able to last very long, and therefore he used the hand that was steadying her hips to spank her multiple times. Genevieve moaned into each one as she panted. "Harder, fuck me harder," she begged.

Now thrusting as hard and as fast as he could, Severus's legs were shaking and his cock was throbbing inside his partner. She felt it, the sensation making her tense. "Come inside me," Gen pleaded with her eyes squeezed shut. "Choke me while you fill me with your cum, daddy, I'll be such a good little slut for you."

Without any hesitation, Severus reached a hand around to choke his partner, gently squeezing the sides of her throat. She moaned as her vision blurred, enjoying the new high that came with the lack of oxygen. As her legs started getting tired, she stood up straighter in an attempt to keep herself from collapsing.

"Ah, ah," he chastised as he slapped her ass again. "Open your fucking legs, whore. I'm not done with you. I thought you said you were being such a good girl. Did you lie to me?"

"I didn't lie, daddy, I am a good girl," she whimpered. She desperately tried to hold herself upright as he continued pounding into her. He was so close and she felt it. "Please daddy, come inside me."

Severus moaned as he squeezed on the side of her throat again, her voice getting caught in her throat as he continued fucking her. Unlike other times where he stopped to fill her with his cum, he kept fucking her through it which made even more of a mess. Luckily they were already in the shower.

"Fuck, I'm coming, I'm coming," she cried out as she came again, and though he was finished, he reached a hand around her to rub quick circles on her clit. The added pleasure made her whimper and after both of them were spent, Genevieve collapsed onto her knees, her legs shaking.

Attempting to catch his breath, Severus helped his partner stand again. "Let me clean you up, pretty girl," Severus said softly as he steadied her. His lips peppered soft kisses along her forehead, cheeks, and finally her lips. "Sit on the edge of the tub, I'll get a washcloth."

Gen's eyes drifted shut at his gentle kisses. She definitely was overstimulated and was shutting down; the sound of the water hitting the bottom of the shower and the sensation of his cum between her legs was too much for her. "Severus, I want to get out," she said after a moment. "Can we get out?"

"Yes, my love," he turned back to her with a soapy washcloth. "Let's get you clean and we can get you into some warm clothes and feed you."

Severus turned the shower off and got down on his knees to clean her up, but the moment his hands touched her thighs she reflexively closed them. "Stop touching me," she demanded. "Please stop touching me."

Withdrawing himself completely from her, he handed the washcloth to her and put his hands up in a defensive manner as simply sat back on his heels. "Okay, my love," he said softly. At this point, he didn't question her boundaries. "Dry yourself off and I'll get you something warm to wear, okay princess? You've essentially depleted my sweater collection with your little closet raiding habit."

Genevieve didn't respond, but simply cleaned and dried herself off before squeezing the excess water out of her hair. As she stood, she wiped the fog off the mirror and stared at herself. Tears immediately welled in her eyes at the sight of her body and she harmfully pushed at her waistline, attempting to see how small it could get if she kept pushing herself. She arched her back to see the outline of her ribcage which was only visible in that position, but she was fond of that and desperately wanted to see it when she wasn't bending her body. She hated the way she looked. Pulling the towel tightly around herself, she walked back to her partner's bedroom while she wiped her tears away.

* * *

It was a rather odd request for Gilderoy to make by asking both Severus and Genevieve to come for the dueling club he had put together. Given the previous week's events with the petrification of Filch's cat and some other minor inconveniences, Dumbledore had apparently given him permission to teach the younger students how to defend themselves. It was obvious for two reasons why Gilderoy would have wanted Gen there: one, he liked staring at her ass, and two, her talents in healing magic were unmatched and he needed a safety line in case a student was injured. Severus's presence, on the other hand, was completely surprising, and as irritated as he was at the request for him to join, he went knowing he was there for his partner's safety and not for that ridiculous excuse of a man.

That morning, Gen had woken up incredibly irritated with her partner. Their little shower endeavor the previous afternoon had left a plethora of hickeys along her neck and she realized prior to coming to class that she did not have any bruise healing paste in her stash. Therefore, she had spent a bulk of her morning color correcting and concealing every single bruise that covered her neck with makeup. Some of them were unable to be concealed. Snape had laughed at her and she was grumpy, refusing to give him kisses for the way he had teased her about them.

"I said I was sorry," Snape pleaded as he reached his arms out for his partner. She was standing in front of the mirror putting earrings in, completely disregarding his apology. He had been doing that all morning. "Please can I have a kiss?"

"No," she huffed as she turned back around to grab additional layers of clothes. Overnight, the temperatures in Scotland had dropped and she was perilously trying to keep herself warm. She always had thermals as a base layer, but that day she layered a nude long-sleeve turtleneck shirt tucked into a pair of muted green trousers with a belt and was pulling one of her partner's sweaters overtop. Two pairs of socks covered her feet. "If you wanted a kiss you shouldn't have laughed at the mess you made."

"I didn't mean it, princess, please give me a kiss." As Severus approached Gen, she pouted and stepped back, stomping her foot as she crossed her arms over her chest. He didn't really take that as an answer and stepped forward to pick her up, pulling her in tight while he pressed kisses to the side of her face and along her jaw. She squealed and pushed back on him.

"Severus Snape," she laughed as she shoved him off of her. He put her down, but he could not stop the rapid pounding of his heart at the sight of her smile. It was intoxicating. "Stop it, let me put my shoes on and then I'll give you a kiss. Merlin, you're impatient."

Gen turned to pull her boots on, tucking her dark hair behind her ears to keep it out of her face while she laced them up. When she looked up at her partner, he was simply staring at her. "What? Did you smear my makeup, I swear to Merlin, Severus-"

"No," he responded softly. His eyes trailed from her eyes to the bridge of her nose then to her lips. "No, you're just perfect. I love you."

"If you thinking being sweet with me is going to make my mood any better, you're wrong," she grumbled as she stood on her toes to kiss him. When she broke the kiss, she straightened out his jacket. "I love you too. You look extremely handsome in purple, you know. You always wear black, but you have so many other things in your closet. I know because I'm always in there."

Severus merely shrugged and laced his fingers with hers, twirling her as they walked towards the entrance to his quarters to grab their wands. Gen's smile didn't falter at any point, her pupils completely dilated as she stared up at her partner. The way she looked at him and the way her heart raced at the thought of him was the only reassurance he could ever need in knowing she loved him. Before they could open the door to leave, she paused in her tracks and looked at him. He blinked in confusion as he looked at her.

"What, Gen? We're going to be late," Severus said with his brows furrowed. Gen cupped his face in her hands and kissed him again, pressing her forehead to his once she had broken it.

"I'm so in love with you, Severus Tobias Snape," she whispered against his lips, meeting his dark eyes. He kissed her again, his fingers delving through her dark hair as he pulled her in closer.

"And I'm deeply in love with you, Genevieve Levina Harper de Keyser," he breathed as he peppered kisses across her cheeks.

"If you ever say my full name again I will personally castrate you," she whispered into his ear. "Don't remind me of how white my fucking parents are."

"Yes ma'am," he responded as he kissed her forehead.

Fingers laced together, the couple finally made their way over to the room where Lockhart had set up sectioning for the different houses to sit. With her partner beside her, Genevieve had a much easier time being around Gilderoy. She still avoided his eyes and kept a several feet distance away from him, but having Severus hold her hand and kiss her head made it much easier for her to carry out the duties she needed to as a professor. And today, more specifically, it was to practice healing magic.

As the students had started gathering by the platform, Genevieve turned to face her partner and once again adjusted his jacket as she kissed him softly. Snape's cheeks flushed a sweet pink color; as much as he loved his partner and as proud as he was to be dating her, there was a different line to be crossed when it came to his students - literal children - acknowledging it. He hated the attention. Some students started gossiping at their little displays of love, but Genevieve stroked his knuckle with her thumb to keep him calm.

"Gather round! Gather round! Can everyone see me? Can you all hear me?" Gilderoy said as he jumped up onto the platform. The students murmured in agreement and he clasped his hands together in excitement. "Excellent. In light of the dark events of recent weeks, Professor Dumbledore has granted me permission to start this little Dueling Club, to train you all up in case you ever need to defend yourselves as I myself have done on countless occasions. For full details, see my published works."

The shameless plug of his own work made both Genevieve and Severus roll their eyes, and they witnessed a similar annoyance among the students, particularly Slytherins who disliked the Ravenclaw professor. Already bored, Snape's hand slid down his partner's back and over her ass. She bit her lip and swatted his hand away, but his attention was caught by the mention of his name.

"Let me introduce my assistant Professor Snape," Lockhart said as he pointed in the direction of where Severus was standing. He looked incredibly displeased, though Gilderoy didn't care at all. "He has sportingly agreed to help me with a short demonstration. Now I don't want any of you youngsters to worry. You'll still have your Potions Master when I'm through with him, never fear!"

Gen laughed at the fact her partner had been called an _assistant_ but otherwise didn't say much. There was absolutely no way Snape would have agreed to that terminology and she found it entertaining that Lockhart would insist something like that while he was on thin ice given how he harassed Genevieve. But in that moment, it kept going. As Severus stepped up onto the platform, Lockhart eyed Genevieve carefully and scanned her body as he decided what he was going to do.

"Actually," Lockhart said after a moment. Genevieve's blood ran cold. "How about we get Professor de Keyser up here too for this little demonstration? Does that sound like it would be most... educationally rewarding to you young minds?"

The students murmured in agreement at the suggestion, the idea of having two professors who were in a long-term relationship dueling each other being their primary interest. It was definitely entertaining, especially given the dynamic of their odd relationship. Hesitantly, Genevieve rolled her eyes and followed her partner up onto the stage, careful to keep her distance from Gilderoy as she stood inches from Severus. Her eyebrow was raised mischievously as they bowed to one another, and Snape narrowed his eyes. They turned around and walked ten paces before they spun back around to face one another. Gen's hair swung over her shoulder and distracted Lockhart, his eyes falling down to look at her ass.

Wands poised like swords, Snape and Gen paused to let Lockhart speak since he was so pressing to be a show off and given the fact it was a demonstration of not only how to duel but what basic spells were acceptable. "As you can see, Professor Snape and Professor de Keyser are holding their wands in the accepted combative position. On the count of three, they'll cast their first spells. Hopefully neither are aiming to kill one another, though I wouldn't blame them.

The grim comment made Snape's blood boil and his gaze shifted to Lockhart for a split second while he talked. He followed his line of sight to see that he was staring at his partner's ass. It was expected, but nevertheless still irritating. Taking a breath, his attention turned back to his partner and his eyes narrowed slightly. If there was one thing about this odd couple it was that they were completely competitive against one another when it came down to it and Severus was determined not to be humiliated by a cocky, hotheaded Gryffindor, as madly in love with her as he was.

"One... two... three!"

Making a swirled hand movement as he stepped forward, Snape exclaimed, " _Expelliarmus_!"

Without any hesitation, Gen made a slash hand movement and countered, " _Protego Duo_!"

Immediately, Severus's spell rebounded onto himself and he was sent backwards while his wand was ripped suddenly from his hands. The whiplash caused him to be completely disoriented as his back hit the floor of the platform. Slytherin students immediately leaned in to check on him, tapping the stage to get his attention. The remaining houses seemed purely amused that Professor Snape had his ass handed to him by his partner. Walking over to check on him, Gen laughed as she extended her hand out to him. The room was bustling with new commotion and Lockhart desperately tried to control the volume without avail.

The Potions Master swatted his partner's hand away and once he had sat up, he leaned in towards her ear. "Your ass is going to be so red when we're done here, princess. You won't be able to walk," he whispered sternly. "Do you understand?"

Heart fluttering, Gen's face flushed a soft pink color as she locked eyes with Gilderoy. The jealousy was fuming in his eyes and she enjoyed the way her happiness irritated him. "Yes daddy, I understand," she whispered back to him.

Finally able to take control of the second years, Lockhart cleared his throat and approached the center of the platform as Genevieve and Severus stood up.

"There you have it! Professor Snape has so kindly demonstrated the Disarming Charm, however, most important here is how Professor de Keyser demonstrated... a more advanced version of the Shield Charm. The basic one here would have simply been _Protego_ but since your healing magic professor here is so set on humiliating her boyfriend... _Protego_ is the most basic protection charm for dueling. It neutralizes most minor curses, jinxes, and hexes and blocks conjurations. _Protego Duo_ causes the spell to rebound against the caster."

As Lockhart spewed what little knowledge he had in dueling, Genevieve was distracted as she attempted to check her partner for any injuries. She extended his arms out and pressed into his back, and he hissed in pain as she applied pressure to his upper back. It appeared to only be a bruise forming, however, and she made a note to heal that later. The most damage that had happened was to his ego and she knew she would regret her choices later after he punished her for that. Her brain was already buzzing at his words.

"We're going to need some volunteers to practice these spells. How about you Potter, Weasley? What do you say?" Lockhart said as he pointed to the two Gryffindor boys. Snape immediately objected as he approached the blonde professor.

"Weasley's wand causes devastation with the simplest spells. Professor de Keyser will be taking Potter to the hospital wing in a matchbox. Might I suggest someone from my own house? Malfoy, perhaps?" Snape shrugged, a brow raised as he grabbed onto Draco Malfoy's robe and dragged him up on the stage. Gen immediately grew irritated with how he handled the student and made a mental note to reprimand him for it later.

"Scared, Potter?" Draco hissed as they resumed their positions on the platform. Harry took a deep breath as he scrambled to his feet, and Genevieve slapped Severus's hand as she went to support Harry on the other side of the platform.

"You wish," he retorted. The two boys bowed to one another irritably before they walked ten paces and turned back to each other. Like Genevieve and Severus had, they poised their wands.

"Remember, Disarming and Shield Charms only," Lockhart projected. He already had a suffocating feeling that they would not be using them and mentally prepared himself for Genevieve and Severus to be breaking up a fight between 12 year olds. "One.. two.. three!"

" _Rictusempra_!" Harry yelled, watching as Draco doubled over in laughter at the Tickling Charm. Genevieve's heart skipped beats as she watched him disobey Lockhart. It wasn't inherently in her favor to listen to him either, but she knew following the rules of dueling was more than important in being able to master the skill.

Retaliating, Draco yelled back, " _Serpensortia_!"

To everyone's pure horror - everyone but Snape, anyways - a snake baring its fangs emerged from the tip of Draco's wand and started slithering towards Harry. Genevieve's heart stopped in her chest and she drew her wand from her pocket to intervene. She was mentally preparing which anti-venom she would have to summon in order to aid students and was incredibly irritated with the Malfoy boy. However, that wasn't necessary when the entire room went silent upon Harry speaking Parseltongue. This is what horrified Snape - not the snake, but learning that Harry Potter was a Parselmouth.

Pointing her wand down at the snake, Genevieve stated, " _Vipera Evanesca_!"

The entire room watched as the snake vanished and Genevieve's eyes met her partner's. Both of their faces read confusion, but Genevieve was afraid.

"Come on Harry, move!" Ron yelled at him. Harry stared in disbelief and he and his friends scurried off as Lockhart disbanded the entire room. Genevieve stumbled back while her body swayed; Severus immediately went to her side.

"Severus," she said softly as she met her partner's eyes. She couldn't quite focus on him the way the room was spinning. "I'm dizzy, can we go sit down?"

"Yes, my love," he reassured as he tried to lead her off of the platform. Merely taking three steps, the world went white and fuzzy as Genevieve fainted.


	25. PART TWENTY-FIVE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: smut, childhood trauma, biphobia

Hand clamped over Genevieve's mouth, Severus muffled her loud moans and sharply shushed her which only made her cheeks turn a darker shade of pink and made it increasingly more difficult for her to remain quiet. Despite it, he still continued to pound into her ruthlessly and seethed through his teeth when she bit his hand to silence herself. Her long nails dug into his shoulder as he fucked her on top of his desk, the steady creaking of the wood a consistent background noise to their suppressed moans and panting.

Snape's irregular breathing and quiet grunts completely gave away the fact he was close and Gen's stomach fluttered with each thrust of his hips. She tried her absolute best to remain quiet, but it was nearly impossible; her brain was buzzing and her skin felt like it was on fire. When she was supposed to remain quiet, like she was now with exams being proctored in adjacent rooms, it was more than arduous. She couldn't help the soft moans that slipped from the back of her throat.

"I swear to Merlin if you don't keep quiet, I won't let you come," Severus hissed into her ear as he removed his hand from her mouth.

Genevieve held her breath and bit her lip to silence herself, but her partner made it increasingly more difficult. His lips trailed wet kisses along her neck, dragging his teeth and tongue over her soft skin. Her head felt back against her shoulders as she gripped onto him tightly, her legs shaking and her heart pounding. "Be a good girl. Stay quiet. No coming until I say."

"Yes daddy," Genevieve breathed sharply as her eyes drifted shut.

She moved her legs around his hips to keep him closer but he shoved them down to her dismay. With her brows furrowed in concentration, Gen suppressed all of her moans into sharp breathing and little hum noises while he fucked her. Snape's mouth never relented along her neck, biting softly as the soft skin on the underside of her jaw, and with one last kiss to her throat, Genevieve came hard. Her legs wrapped around his hips again and her arms around his neck as she tried to pull him closer, desperate to make the orgasm last.

"I didn't give you permission to come," Snape growled as he shoved her body down against the desk until her sweaty back met the cold wooden surface.

Gen's eyes were wide and still fogged with lust as she stared up at him and her chest was heaving. He used one of his hands to hold her down by her hip and steady her while his other wrapped around her throat. He did not relent fucking her as he squeezed the sides of her throat lightly and Genevieve squirmed. Her back arched into his touch as he continued fucking her. After a few minutes, she tensed again and came harder which made Snape's brows furrow in confusion. He watched with hazy eyes as she tried to remain quiet, tears now streaming down her cheeks as she tried not to scream. The sight made his cock throb.

"Merlin, you're sensitive today," he panted. Though, Severus was not complaining. It was more than hot to see her writhe like that beneath him multiple times, and as annoying as it was that she wasn't listening to him, he wanted to see her do it again. But at this point, she was overly sensitive and was squirming. The way she tensed deliciously around his cock was enough to push him over the edge and with a low groan, Snape squeezed his partner's hips and pulled them close to meet his as he filled her with cum. His breathing was heavy as he pulled out.

"I'm sorry," Genevieve whispered softly as she wiped her tears away. Her legs were shaking as Severus sat in his desk chair attempting to regain his breath. His brows were furrowed as he reached for his wand and with a quick wave, the two of them were clean. "I didn't mean to come. I couldn't help myself."

"I don't have the energy to punish you," Snape admitted as he ran his fingers through his hair. He immediately started getting dressed again as he acknowledged the time; he had exams to proctor within the next ten minutes and needed to recoup before he left. "You've completely spent me with this pretty little body of yours. As long as it felt good to you, right now I don't really care."

Genevieve took another moment before she was able to get dressed. It took a while for her to pull her thermals back on and then her normal clothes; the bitter cold of Scotland in December was becoming a bit too much for her, especially given now that she was starting to become malnourished from her new food denial punishment. Severus watched her carefully, the slight outline of her ribcage starting to become worrisome.

"I have to go into Hogsmeade for some things," she said softly as she tugged her boots back on. "Do you need anything while I'm there? I have to stop by Tomes and Scrolls, Scrivenshaft's, and I'm also going to Honeydukes for pumpkin pasties."

Snape shook his head and pulled his partner in for a sweet kiss, pushing her dark hair out of her eyes and tucking strands behind both of her ears. She made a soft hum noise into the kiss and draped her arms over his shoulders as she twirled some hair at the nape of his neck. "No, my love, I don't need anything from Hogsmeade. Will you be back for dinner tonight?"

"Hopefully," she mumbled. Severus felt the energy in the room shift and he suddenly became extremely apprehensive about saying the wrong thing. She looked irritated, her brows drawn together and her eyes disengaged. Sighing, Genevieve changed the subject. "Do you happen to have rue in your stores? I need to brew some more of the contraceptive potion and I want to know if I have to go into town again this week."

"No, I don't have any," Severus said as he put his cloak back over his shoulders and fastened it around his neck. He then picked up all the materials for the exam he had to proctor; he was quite envious that Gen's exams were in the morning. He was irritated with Albus for switching his exam slot that year. "I have to pick up my usual order sometime in the text two days anyway, so I can always add rue to my list. Is your period due this week?"

Genevieve was happier that Snape had gotten more comfortable talking about normal parts of her body. It was a nice change from the apprehension she saw in his eyes while mentioning the topic of birth control, of talking about their sex life and anything new they wanted to try out, and now her menstrual cycle. Nothing really phased him now and it was much easier and less stressful in terms of communication.

"It's due in three days, but I like to have it brewed before it starts because it's more convenient for me in terms of remembering to take it when it ends," she shrugged. Pulling her jacket up over her shoulders and buttoning it, she kissed her partner sweetly. "I'll see you for dinner, yes? I'm thinking about making a pot of karni stoba, we haven't had that in a while and it's freezing outside. Plus this week hasn't been kind of us, so I want to cook you something nice."

"Gen," Severus called out after their kiss broke. She paused in her tracks and blinked perplexedly. "I love you, princess."

"I love you too, Sev," she said with a smile. She kissed his cheek and then his nose as she stroked his hair. "I'll be back for dinner and we can have a nice relaxing evening. Be nice to your students."

* * *

"I didn't think you would show," Johan said softly as Genevieve sat across from him. She pulled her jacket closer to her body and placed her bag on the floor by her feet. Like she had told Severus, she had gone to Tomes and Scrolls, Scrivenshaft's, and Honeydukes, but she failed to mention she was going to meet her father.

There was an awkward silence that fell between the two. Gen's eyes trailed over his extensive tattoos, the way he definitely had not shaved in quite some time, and how his eyes looked incredibly exhausted. It was obvious that he had tried to look nice by the way he pushed his dark hair back and wore nicer clothes, but that truthfully looked like a poor attempt at trying to impress his adult daughter. Johan noted that she looked like the spitting image of Levina, except she had his brown hair and dark eyes.

"Your mother shows me pictures of you, but I still can't believe you're such a beautiful young woman now," he continued as he waited for a response. Since Levina had gotten her act together and Johan was released from Azkaban, she had done nothing but compile everything about their daughter. Newspaper clippings, photos, her research articles, etc. were all a part of their collection now. "I have one of your pictures in this pendent."

Johan attempted to open it to show a moving picture of Genevieve at her graduation, but she refused to look down at it. She simply stared at her father. "I didn't agree to meet you to chat about my life. Mam already beat you to that conversation weeks ago when she sprung it on me that she has cancer, and before you ask, no I'm not going to say goodbye to her. I already know she's on her deathbed but that doesn't change the fact she mistreated me my whole life and I don't feel like making amends."

Genevieve swirled the gold band around her finger and her father eyed it warily. It had been almost eleven years since he had seen that ring, and as much as he knew Genevieve loved her brother, he did not expect for her to hold onto it. It was a simple plain ring. "You still wear Luuk's ring?"

The sheer audacity of Johan to ask whether Genevieve would continue wearing the last tangible piece she had of her dead brother caused anger to sear through her chest and she resisted the urge to reach across the table to strangle him. She had never understood how her father, _Luuk's_ father, could murder his own child and simultaneously act surprised that people are trying to love and remember him. She fought back tears.

"Luuk was my best friend," she said dryly. "I'm never going to take it off. It's the last thing I have of his."

Completely changing the subject, Johan took a sharp breath in. "Your mother told me you were dating your professor."

Gen's heart was skipping beats now; she knew exactly where this conversation was going and she did not like it. He was either going to say something remotely biphobic, comment on the age of Severus, and/or mention something about Sarah. "Which one? How much older is she? Or he? I don't like to assume, you know... with how often you seem to switch back and forth between the genders you sleep with. I can never tell if you're a lesbian or if you're straight. Both are fine, just pick one."

"I like both men and women," Gen mumbled dryly. "We've had this conversation many times before, Papa. I'm bisexual. I don't care if you accept it but respect it."

"Okay, fine. So what gender are you sleeping with now? I can't quite remember what your mother said." Johan leaned back in his chair and looked over his daughter. She looked so different compared to the most recent photo he had seen of her; she was much thinner, her hair was longer, and she looked much more tired. Tears welled in her eyes and he sighed. "Gen, please don't cry."

"I'm not crying," she grumbled as she blinked her tears back. "Severus is not my professor anymore, and it doesn't matter how much older he is. I love him more than anything and he makes me extremely happy."

"Ah, so you have stopped sleeping with women?" Johan seemed a little surprised by that comment; she had strictly been with women up until she cheated on Sarah with Caleb, and even then, while she never dated men for more than a month or two, she had lots of sex with them. She was confident in her bisexuality. "I always thought you'd end up with that Sarah girl. She was sweet, what happened to her?"

"We broke up before we graduated, which you and Mam would have known if you weren't busy murdering children and she wasn't busy talking to walls," Genevieve spit back as she wiped tears from her eyes. "Yes, I stopped sleeping with women because I'm in a _committed relationship_ with a man."

"He's older than Luuk," Johan frowned. He knew Severus. "Is it because I was in Azkaban? Now you're looking for some sort of validation from an older man? You're almost 24 – merely a baby. That's disgusting."

"Severus's age is none of your concern. My entire relationship is none of your concern. Don't you care that I'm loved and cared for? That I have a steady job? That I'm not going to end up like Mam?" She started gathering her things but Johan slammed his hands down on the table, making Genevieve flinch and the entire café go quiet. Her heart was racing in her chest now and she wanted more than anything to be with her partner in that moment.

"Sit your arse down," he said coldly. Genevieve kept her hand on her wand; she was terrified of her father after what he did to Luuk with rightful reason. He used _Sectumsempra_ , which was one of the most painful curses to die from. Out of everything, even _Avada Kedavra_ , why he had picked such a violent method of murder was beyond her comprehension.

"If all you wanted to do was chat, then I really don't have time for this," Genevieve said softly. "I have exams that I need to grade, holiday things that I need to–"

"Luuk wasn't my son." Meeting her father's eyes with tears streaming down her cheeks, she seethed through her teeth. She was beyond pissed now, her body shaking as she tried to form coherent thoughts. "Your mother had an affair early on in our marriage with a Muggle down in France while visiting Beauxbatons. Her sister went there and she wanted to determine, when we had children, if she wanted to send you there or go to Hogwarts like I had. I persuaded her to move to London so you could go to Hogwarts, and it was the best choice for you."

"You piece of shit," Genevieve mumbled as she stood up from the table they were seated at. There was absolutely no way she was going to let her father finish this story. If it was going where she thought it was going, his psychotic brain would try to rationalize it by saying Luuk wasn't his son therefore it wasn't as awful that he killed him. Or, perhaps, would try to rationalize that he was merely a half-blood while his beloved daughter was a pureblood. "I'm done here."

Standing up from the table, Gen grabbed her things and pulled her wand out of her pocket in preparation to apparate to the grounds outside of Hogwarts like she always did traveling back from Hogsmeade. Johan followed her, and with his ominous stature, was able to catch up to her rather quickly. " _Expelliarmus_!"

Wand ripping back from her hand, Gen turned around and started shoving her father back. "No, fuck you. You killed my brother, I don't care if he wasn't your biological child. He was _your_ son. He loved you like a father and you lured him and you left him to fucking die. You left Mam in a wreck. I had to pick up the pieces. I was a child. _I was a child_. An eleven year old should not have to pick up the pieces of her heartbroken mother."

"Your mother is dying," Johan yelled back at her. "I can't force you to see her, but you need to know some things. She needs you to know some things before she dies. I know you probably will never want to see me again after this and I understand why. I fucked up. I was delusional."

"You were more than delusional!" Gen screamed back as she continued shoving him. Johan gripped her arms in an attempt to get her to calm down. "Mam is a Squib! This doesn't make sense at all. You are married to the lowest of scum in the Wizarding World and you are preaching some pureblood supremacist agenda. You are a hypocritical bastard."

"Shut it, Genevieve," he hissed as he pushed her back. She was sobbing now, her entire body shaking as she tried to look around for her wand. When she couldn't find it she started panicking. She just wanted to get away from her father.

"Accio," she cried out desperately and felt a sense of calm wash over her when her wand summoned to her hand. Johan let her, but chewed his lip.

"Your mother separated herself from her real family," Johan said calmly. Genevieve wiped tears as she stepped back from him. "Anki is not her sister, she is her best friend. Your mother is a Lovegood. And before you go, before you blame me for Luuk's death for the rest of your life, ask Severus one thing for me: who created _Sectumsempra_?"

* * *

Genevieve cooked dinner in complete silence that night. The moment she had walked through the door, it became obvious to Severus that she had been crying but she was also extremely agitated. He did not have the emotional capacity to be dealing with that sort of energy and so he just let her be. As she cooked, she had very abrupt movements and that paired with her irritable demeanor made him incredibly nervous. She had been like that for the several hours she had been letting dinner simmer and stew.

"Are you mad at me?" Severus mustered the courage to ask his partner. The ruckus from the kitchen never faltered and with every loud bang and swear under her breath, he flinched. Just from interpreting her body language, he was on the verge of tears. Rationally he knew he didn't do anything and that she had come home pissy, but he was scared he did something wrong. Sometimes things went unnoticed.

"No," she said dryly without looking up from her recipe card. She paused and pressed her lips together as she stirred the stew, and while it rested on the stove, she started cleaning up the mess she had made. "No, Severus, I'm not mad at you."

"You look mad," he mumbled as he peered over his book from the common room and glanced into the kitchen. "I'm the only one here so you have to be mad at me. What did I do?"

Genevieve turned around sharply to face where her partner was seated in the armchair and wiped her hands on the towel she kept nearby. He met her eyes warily, more than hyperaware of what was happening with her. Every little twitch of her fingers, exhale of her breath, and the way she narrowed her eyes read anger and he was scared of being hurt.

"I'm not in the mood to be dealing with your baggage right now, Severus," she grumbled. That statement had completely silenced him and she licked her lips upon realizing what she had just said to him. Placing the towel down, she gripped the counter top. "I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean that."

Without responding, Severus continued reading the book he was holding and blinked back tears. In the entire year that they had been emotionally entangled, Genevieve had never taken a personal shot at his trauma before, even while under immense stress or dealing with bipolar symptoms, therefore this really hurt him. He wasn't even sure why she was stressed and he wasn't reassured that it wasn't him who caused her to be so uptight that evening. She hadn't told him anything.

Pausing for a moment, Genevieve took a deep breath. "Dinner is almost ready if you want to sit at the table, Severus."

"I'm not hungry," he mumbled back as he turned the page of his book. The words were blurred together by tears and his thoughts were scrambled from his attempt at picking apart every interaction they had that day. She had been sweet to him all morning, stroked his hand soothingly under the table at lunch, and they had sex before she went to Hogsmeade and he went to proctor exams. Everything was fine so he couldn't figure out what had happened in the span of today that would make her so angry.

Genevieve watched her partner avoid her eyes and she approached him a bit too quickly for his liking. Reflexively, Severus flinched and held the book up to shield himself. She paused at the sight, her entire demeanor softening as her heart broke.

"Sev," she said softly, her voice hushed and small as she got down on her knees beside the armchair. "My love, I'm not going to hit you. I'm sorry that I snapped, it wasn't right of me and I shouldn't have projected my stress out onto you. Can we please sit and have a meal together?"

Ever so slowly, Genevieve raised one of her hands, making sure it was in his line of sight before she touched him. He leaned in softly to her sweet affections and tears streamed down his cheeks. As she stood up, she sat down in his lap and pulled his head against her chest as she stroked his dark hair. Severus remained quiet as he listened to her heart. She was much calmer now which he appreciated.

"Let me set you a spot at the table and we can eat some karni stoba and then we can cuddle and I'll rub your back, how does that sound?" she crooned. He nodded slowly and she sighed as she kissed the top of his head, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist. Truthfully, he didn't like how thin she had gotten. She was still beautiful – she was always beautiful – but he liked the squishy feeling and not the harsh bone of her ribcage.

Severus pulled his arms back and Genevieve stood to go serve him a bowl of the stew she had made. She placed it in front of him as well as a cup of water and the fresh bread that she had made the night before. He hesitantly joined her at the table and took a spoonful of his stew in his mouth. Genevieve did the same except she immediately spit it back out.

"Merlin," she grumbled. "Did I fuck it up? This tastes off."

Having made this several times for them before, Severus knew what a proper pot of karni stoba tasted like and he shook his head. "Gen, this tastes identical to other pots you've made. It's really good."

"Then what the fuck is wrong with my tongue?" she pushed back the bowl and decided to eat the bread with some butter which tasted much more normal to her. "First my dad is an absolute dick and busts out that he's not Luuk's dad and that I'm a fucking Lovegood, and now there's something wrong with my tongue? I swear to Merlin if the pumpkin pasties I got don't taste right I'm going to cry. I'm going to sob."

"You're a Lovegood?" Severus said as he paused putting another spoonful of his meal in his mouth. "What the fuck?"

"I didn't ask about it, but my darling, dying mother decided to send her little owl of a husband to break the news. Sounds like a Lovegood name. Levina Lovegood. Bitch," she mumbled as she pushed her bowl of food away.

Backtracking even further and processing what she said, Severus bit his lip. "Wait a minute, when did you see your father?"

"Today in Hogsmeade. He asked me to meet him. I went to the places I needed to beforehand because I knew he would pull something this fucking stupid but I wasn't expecting him to say that." Taking sips of her water, she met her partner's eyes. He had one of his signature brows raised and was now pushing around his food. "What?"

"Are you going to contact Xenophilius, then? You have his contact information, Luna is one of your students. Sweet Ravenclaw girl, doesn't irritate me as much as Potter and his friends." 

"Maybe I'll do it when term starts back up again," she sighed. She once again tried to eat the bread and took another spoonful of her stew. "Are you sure this isn't bad? Severus, I swear it tastes so off."

"My darling, I'm not lying to you. Pour Veritaserum into my food if you'd like, it tastes identical to the other pots you've made. I really do enjoy this. Thank you," he said softly. Genevieve picked at the stew some more, pushing around different ingredients. She found the beef didn't taste as off as some of the other vegetables but she still grimaced.

"Johan also told me to ask you something," she mumbled. Severus felt his heart skip beats and he started assuming the worst. First, he knew Johan from when he was a Death Eater and it would have been extremely true to his character if he tried to throw him under the bus for his former Death Eater status.

"And what's that, my love?"

"Who created _Sectumsempra_?"

Snape's blood ran cold and he sat back in his chair as he tried to think of how he would phrase this. He had avoided the question an entire year before, something he knew he probably should have addressed that really late night she broke down and disclosed that's how he died. Back then, he was more concerned with having her be safe than telling her he created that spell, but he knew now he could not lie to her.

Taking a deep breath in and placing his spoon back in his bowl, he mumbled, "I did."

Genevieve's eyes darkened and Severus watched the light slowly go out. In her head, she could rationalize that no matter what spell was used, Luuk would have ended up dead because that was her father's intention but she could not fathom why or how he had gone about creating such a vile curse. And truthfully speaking, Snape didn't think his relationship with Genevieve would have progressed as far as it did. He didn't intend to fall in love with her and now he was scared that if she knew other things, she would leave him. Especially the very ambiguous Death Eater status.

"You can't be serious," she mumbled as she stared at him blankly. "You created _Sectumsempra_? Why would you create something so violent?"

Reaching across the table to grab her hand, Severus desperately tried to reason with her. "Gen, I–"

"No, don't touch me," she said harshly as she pushed his hand back. "Out of all the things I thought I would hear you say, out of all the trauma you've brought up, I never thought I would hear you say you've created something as lethal as _Sectumsempra_."

"I was a student trying to defend myself, I-I showed you that part of me through the Pensieve. I didn't know what I was doing, I was a child," he reasoned as he reached out for her. "Gen, please."

"I told you almost a year ago that he died from _Sectumsempra_ ," she said brokenly. "I had breakdowns in your bed at the earliest hours of the morning dealing with mania and relieving grief and you didn't say anything. You didn't tell me."

"Princess, I'm sorry," he cried. "I didn't know how to tell you. I was more concerned about you being safe that night."

"Don't call me princess," she said sharply as she stood up from the table. "Get out of my quarters."

"Gen–" She started shoving his chest to push him towards the door. Tears were streaming down her cheeks again and this time she was beyond upset. This was the most upset she had ever been with her partner.

"Get out," she sobbed as she shut the door. Severus continued pounding on the door, his own abandonment issues kicking in on top of his fear of her being reckless.

* * *

It had been more than two weeks since Genevieve and Severus got into their fight. She spent Christmas and New Years primarily alone except for the few hours that Minerva would stop by every couple days or so. She did not want to see her partner at all while she processed what had happened, and with the exhaustion of exam season and finalizing grades, she hadn't really given much thought to it. She was more than productive in terms of getting her life together; for the first time since the emergence of her depressive episode a few months prior, she had cleaned her entire quarters. This included organizing all her belongings as a means of distracting herself. That alone took her almost three days to do, and while it was exhausting, she needed something to be different. She was nauseous and felt sick all the time, which she attributed to the stress and anxiety of the holidays and her argument with Severus.

It did not take long for Severus to try and reason with her and to make amends, but she refused to listen. Genevieve was stubborn in her ways; she would not listen to anyone but herself and only willingly would she let anyone try to convince her otherwise. In her gut it felt completely wrong. As a coping mechanism, she had denied herself food for the last two days which meant she was tired and her head was pounding. It brought her comfort to see the number on the scale grow smaller and the amount of new holes punched in her belt grow larger. Nothing really fit her anymore and she hated herself but at least when she looked in the mirror she felt like she was closer to being prettier.

The last few days were particularly rough on Genevieve in terms of her anxiety. She had gotten a call from her father saying that her mother had passed away, and though she didn't exactly mourn her mother, she took that time to mourn the absence of a relationship with her – with both her parents, really. Minerva had come over much more frequently to spend time with her and get her out of her quarters. They went for walks on the Hogwarts' grounds, Minnie helped her keep up with her hygiene, and she also laid down with her in her bed whenever she needed comfort. It was a relationship that Genevieve appreciated more than anything. It benefited them both, really; Minerva did not have a lot of family of her own so Genevieve never hesitated to invite her over for dinner, to bake Dutch sweets and treated, and to teach her some of her favorite holiday traditions that she created once she moved out of her parents' home. Minerva had endless love to give but no children to shower with it. It helped the both of them get through a really tough time. She was upset that she didn't really have much else to give, and Gen was more upset she couldn't give her mentor everything. She was always so alone.

That evening, Minnie was seated on Gen's sofa knitting while Gen was sifting through old boxes that had pulled out of her storage. She was expecting to find photos, perhaps memorabilia from her Hogwarts days, but the first box she opened was filled to the brim with poorly organized sculptures and pottery. She started pulling out some vases and unique pieces, all of which had cracked and chipped away when she had moved into her quarters the previous fall. Dust covered them and the glossing had faded.

"I didn't know you used to sculpt," McGonagall said after a long while of watching her run her fingertips over the chipped pieces of her artwork. Gen looked up the box to meet her mentor's eyes. "They're beautiful, have you thought about doing it again?"

"I haven't done it in years," Gen mumbled as she started putting the pieces back. She bit her lip as she closed the lid. "I don't know where my potter's wheel went or where any of my sculpting tools are. I put them away from I moved out of my parents' house and into my own flat and I haven't located them since."

"You should start up again," Minnie suggested as she continued knitting. Gen furrowed her brows as her eyes following the motion of her hands; it was mesmerizing to watch her create something, though she never really said what she was knitting. "It might help you eat more if you find other places to pour your negative energy into."

Heart stopping in her chest, Gen stumbled over her thoughts for a reply. "I'm eating," she defended, but Minnie raised a brow at her.

"No you're not. Severus told me," she responded. Gen's heart stopped in her chest; she didn't think her partner had caught onto this new habit of hers. "You traded picking up razors for denying yourself food which is why your trousers don't stay up without that belt of yours. That's a dangerous path to go down. I would know. So start eating before it develops into something worse. And for Merlin's sake, talk to Severus."

"I don't want to talk to him. He lied to me." Genevieve started pushing boxes back to where they were and she sat by the fire to warm herself up. "He didn't tell me one of the biggest parts to my brother's death."

"Severus didn't kill Luuk," Minerva clarified. "He made many wrong choices as a child but he did not use that spell on Luuk. Your father did. He was killed by his father, not by Severus."

"Johan wasn't Luuk's dad," Gen sighed as she rubbed her hands together. "I didn't care enough to ask anything more about the situation and now Levina is dead, so."

"I don't understand how you could talk about your mother like that," Minnie said a bit too harshly. It was obvious that she didn't know much about Gen's childhood besides the part where her mother is a Squib and her father is a Death Eater.

"My mother also had bipolar disorder and didn't tell me until after I had been diagnosed. I struggled with symptoms and minor episodes for years and she didn't say anything. She discarded me like I was nothing in favor of her son, pushed me away and called me annoying, and rarely spoke to me when I was at Hogwarts. My dad was in Azkaban and my aunt was in the Netherlands. She abandoned me. I had nobody. She didn't care about me therefore I don't give a shit about her. I'm happy with my life now and I don't want memories of her ruining it."

"Genevieve," Minerva said softly. It was in that moment that Genevieve realized she was gripping her arms, nails dug into her scarred skin. "Why don't you come sit over here on the sofa?"

"I need to tell you something, and you have to promise me not to tell Severus," Genevieve sputtered as she changed the subject entirely. Minerva furrowed her brows, not quite understanding where the ferocity of her request was coming from. Just earlier that day she was struggling with communication and now she was rapidly spitting fire. She worried that maybe she was slipping back into a manic episode, but she wasn't too sure. Perhaps she could talk to Severus about that.

"It depends what the context is and if Severus needs to know," Minerva said bluntly. "If it involves your safety you bet your arse I will not hesitate to tell him."

"I'm safe, stop it," Gen retorted. She took a deep breath, not really registering when she thought it was a good idea to come clean. "This is something I can't tell him."

"Why not?"

"He'll leave me, and I don't think I can handle that right now," Gen mumbled as she got up to sit on the sofa with her mentor. She pressed her lips together and picked at her chipped nail polish as she gathered her thoughts. She couldn't believe she was about to tell her this.

"A few weeks ago, Gilderoy came into my office and he touched me," she said, her voice extremely small and weak. Tears were already welling in her eyes. "He pinned me down on my desk and he, um... he put his fingers... in me. I think if I didn't squirm away and leave that it would have progressed into something much worse than that. I cheated on Severus."

"Did you say no?" Minerva asked softly. Gen nodded repeatedly and wiped away the tears that fell down her cheeks. "That's not classified as infidelity, dear. That's sexual assault and should be taken to the Ministry for trial."

"No, I don't want this getting out," Gen cried. "He has money. He wouldn't get time in Azkaban. He would be able to bribe his way out and turn it around and say I wanted it or I asked for it."

"It's okay, you aren't required to report it," Minerva soothed as she stroked her cheek. "But everything makes a lot of sense now. You were so nervous around Severus for quite some time and neither of us could figure out why."

"I couldn't help it, every time he went to kiss me or to just give me affection never mind anything beyond that, I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was suffocating. He tried to be supportive of me and I shut him out because I couldn't tell him." She paused in order to take a deep breath. "Okay, hold this conversation, I'm going to be sick."

Genevieve stood from the sofa and walked to the washroom as quick as she could before she dropped on her knees beside the toilet to vomit. Minerva followed and helped her hold her hair back as she was sick, eyes drifting shut as she listened to her cough. She used toilet paper to wipe her mouth and flushed as she stood again, reaching into her cabinet to find the mouthwash and anti-nausea potions she kept there. Her heart stopped in her chest when she saw the unused bottle of contraceptive potion and an unopened box of tampons.

"Minerva," she said softly. "Would you like to take a trip to see Madam Pomfrey with me?"


	26. PART TWENTY-SIX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: abortion coercion, brief mention of food restriction, allusion to suicidal ideation

_Before today, Genevieve had never given a thought as to whether or not she wanted to have children. It had never crossed her mind; she was a child, after all. Merely sixteen, she stared dumbfounded at the two little lines on a cheap Muggle pregnancy test. She knew she would not be able to have a child. There were simply too many things she wanted to do before she wanted to decide to have children: graduate from Hogwarts, delve into research, and have a stable partner first. As she stood in front of Caleb, her Ravenclaw boy fling, she knew she didn't have the choice. She needed to decide now whether or not she wanted to be a mother._

_Sliding the pregnancy test across the table to Caleb, Genevieve picked at her chipping nail polish anxiously. She had been thinking nonstop about what she wanted to do, but of course, as the father of the child, she wanted to discuss it with the Ravenclaw boy. He glanced over his book to look at the little plastic stick, and without being phased by it, turned the page of his book and continued reading._

_"I don't want it, get rid of it," he said simply. Genevieve's dark brows furrowed and she felt a certain tightness in her chest. She was conflicted internally and wanted to have a civil conversation, not be told what to do about her own body._

_"I don't know if I can," Genevieve admitted, her voice cracking. She tucked her dark hair behind her ear and sat across from him, fiddling with the pregnancy test on the table top. "I don't think I'm in the proper headspace to get an abortion, Caleb. I don't know if I can just get rid of it."_

_"Get rid of it," he asserted a second time. This time, he was more demanding and Genevieve's vision blurred as she tried not to cry. She hadn't expected him to be so cruel about it. "I don't care what you want, I don't want to have a fucking baby. Not yours, anyways. You have crazy in your genetics."_

_"My family isn't crazy," she defended as she wiped tears away. Still, Caleb did not look up from his book so she snatched it without a second thought. Anger seared through her. "You're not listening to me. I don't want to get an abortion. Listen to me."_

_"If you don't get an abortion, I'll tell everyone about your crazy mother," he snapped. "This entire school will know cocky little Genevieve de Keyser is the daughter of a psychotic Squib."_

_"I told you those things in confidence," Genevieve pleaded as she stood. She fixed her Gryffindor robes, her eyes wide with horror. She didn't want to get an abortion, but she would rather deal with that guilt and shame than be given another reason to be hated by the school. Daughter of a Squib – worse than Muggle borns in the social status._

_Without muttering another word to Caleb, Genevieve checked the time and realized it was almost 6pm. Dinner in the Great Hall would be served soon, and she was expected to meet Sarah and their friends group there so they could eat and then do homework together. As she left Ravenclaw Tower, she thought about what she had done and how she had ruined everything good that was going for her. She was a whore, simple as that._

_Knocking on the thick wooden door of the Potion Master's office, Genevieve lingered in the doorway as she waited for the stern verbal permission of the greasy haired professor. Professor Snape simply looked up in the direction of the knocking and beckoned her in with his hand, but upon seeing her tears grew visibly uncomfortable._

_"I'm sorry, Professor," she sighed as she continued to wipe her tears away. "Please ignore that I'm crying. I need to ask a really big favor and I really don't want you to judge me for it. You can degrade me for being a Gryffindor, being cocky, talking back, literally anything else. But please don't judge me for this."_

_Pressing his lips together, Snape stood from his office chair and approached the girl. She took a few steps back and averted her gaze. She was way too anxious to meet his eyes._

_"What do you need?" he asked monotonously. Her little plea told him this, perhaps, was more of a serious conversation than a simple favor might entail. Though not typically softened towards students, there were a few times he showed just a sliver of sympathy. This appeared to be that one, odd time. His voice was smooth and hushed, unlike his usual assertive and belligerent speech._

_Wrapping her arms around herself, Genevieve simply mumbled, "I need you to brew me a pregnancy termination potion. Please, I can't go to Madam Pomfrey about this. I can't."_

_Snape's eyes scanned the distressed young Gryffindor girl, noticing in that moment how disheveled she looked. He took a deep breath in and nodded, grabbing his wand as they walked towards his personal stores for the ingredients to make the potion. "Miss de Keyser, if you don't want to wind up pregnant, then perhaps you should keep your legs closed next time."_

Sighing, Genevieve spread the copious moving photographs across the surface of her deep mahogany coffee table. Her legs were crossed beneath her, one hand instinctively rubbing little circles on her belly as she glanced on all the evidence she had that Levina existed. There were some of the blonde woman smiling, which Genevieve attributed to a possible euthymic state, and others where she simply looked unhappy and numb. Of the photographs containing a lively Levina, Luuk was always with her. She noticed there a pattern almost immediately; in photos prior to her birth, Levina was happy, and after she was born, there was a certain light that faded in her. It seemed to be the opposite in photos containing Johan. His eyes brightened with the birth of his daughter, and through all the moving photos of the two of them together, it appeared that Genevieve had an emotional attachment to him as a baby and young toddler.

There was a photo that drew Genevieve in more than the others: a toddler version of herself holding Johan's hands as they walked down a beach, a bucket of shells levitating by them as they walked. Genevieve bit her lip as she turned it over to the look on the back. It had the date – July 16, 1971 – when she was about 18 months old. The bottom read _Porcupine's First Beach Trip_. She had not heard that nickname from her father in over a decade, possibly closer to fifteen years. She sighed, continuing to rub little circles on her non-existent bump. It brought her a sense of comfort she didn't know she needed.

The night was calm for Genevieve which was a rarity these last few days considering how awful her anxiety had been around the idea of being a mother. She didn't fear pregnancy itself, which apparently was common amongst young mothers, but rather, she feared traumatizing a child in the ways her parents had traumatized her. By going through these photos she thought, perhaps, there was some sort of message on how to raise a child to not end up like how she turned out, or even how Severus had turned out. While they were both functioning adults, they had intense psychological and emotional issues due to their upbringing and she feared inducing that more than the changes to her body. This was odd considering she already had intense body image issues consequently to her sexual assault.

It did not take long for her to accept the glistening positive results of the blue conception potion that she had Madam Pomfrey administer. Minerva, who was by her side the entire time, was just as shocked as she was. However, as Genevieve backtracked through her menstrual cycles for the last few months, she realized there was a critical piece of information that must have slipped her mind: during the severe beginning of her depressive episode, once she had gotten off her period, she did not remember to take the contraceptive potion which meant when she and Severus became sexually active again, there was no protection whatsoever. This resulted in a missed November period, which went right over her head, and finally a missed December period. That left her six weeks pregnant with Severus's baby. She had not told him though; they were not on speaking terms. However, they could have been if she was not as stubborn and pushed away his initial attempts to reconcile. She was hormonal and bitter which she knew was an incorrect projection on him for his anger towards her father, but she was stuck in her ways.

Much like they had spent Christmas and New Years apart, Genevieve had denied any visitors on her 24th birthday. She refused to let Minerva to come over, which she had been doing a lot over the break, and when it came around to her partner's birthday a few days later, she simply sent him the little present she had gotten him without another word. It was an odd form of communication, but she knew her depressive episode was once again slipping to be low functioning. Talking felt like too much.

The photo of her and her father had prompted a lot of racing thoughts, particularly about how she had ignored the complexities of his character. Though he was a loyal Death Eater and murderous bastard, there was an essence about him seen in these photos that she had forgotten. He had showed these to her a few weeks ago when they met up to talk; he was the man who tried to show his adult daughter he kept her photo in a pendent with him everywhere and asked her about her partner. Though incredibly invasive about her sexual preferences and belligerent regarding the creator of _Sectumsempra_ , he had tried to be sweet. She tried to remind herself that he probably had no ill intentions and perhaps that's what motivated her to pick up the phone.

Dialing her father's number, Genevieve stood up and went to her kitchen where she opened a jar of whole pickles and scooped out a spoonful of almond butter into a bowl. Tears were welling in her eyes as she listened to the ringing, hoping that he would pick up, and munched on her odd combination pregnancy craving.

"Hello?" Johan mumbled grumpily. Gen took note of how tired he sounded and she glanced at the clock, realizing it was almost 2am.

"Hi, Papa," she said softly into the phone as she pushed her food back onto the counter. Surprised that she had called, Johan cleared his throat and sat up. The creaking of his bed gave that away as he did so.

"Gen," he breathed. She fought the tears that were already welling in her eyes and leaned her head back to blink them away. "It's late, are you okay? Why are you calling?"

Coughing, Genevieve took a deep breath to avoid sounding weak. However, her voice cracked when she said, "Can you meet me in Hogsmeade?"

Without missing a beat, Johan said, "Yes, I can. Are you okay? Do you need me to bring anything?"

"No, I'm not okay," she said softly into the phone. She wiped away the tears that slid down her cheeks. "Um, I'm going to apparate there in a few minutes, just meet me in front of Three Broomsticks."

"Okay, I'll see you there in a few minutes." With that Johan hung up the phone and Genevieve started ugly crying. She didn't entirely know why; pregnancy hormones had been kicking her ass, but she also knew she was struggling with so many things she had pushed to her subconscious that this was her brain forcing her to process things. She pulled on her boots and peacoat and grabbed her wand as she left her quarters.

Apparating to Hogsmeade left her incredibly nauseous, and upon landing, she had been sick. She knew that it was a bad idea to travel by apparition given she was already dealing with nausea and other early pregnancy symptoms, but she did not have the mental capacity to take the train or another form of transportation. She simply sucked it up. As she walked towards Three Broomsticks, she saw her father standing there, his hands tucking his cloak around himself as he watched her approach.

"Oh, porcupine," he sighed when he saw her. She was a proper mess. He held out his arms for her, holding her close when she ran into his embrace. Genevieve was sobbing at this point and instinctively Johan's hand came to rest on the back of her head. She was so worked up and he didn't know why. "Let's go sit down somewhere warm and talk about this. Let me buy you some tea, you're shaking."

"I don't want tea," she managed through her cries.

"You always used to calm down with chamomile, so we're getting you a cup of chamomile tea," Johan said softly. He led her into one of the late night cafes that lined the perimeters of Hogsmeade and immediately ordered her a cup of chamomile and a cup of herbal tea for himself. They sat in the corner of the dining area in silence for quite some time as Genevieve calmed down and tried to form coherent thoughts.

"Did Severus do something?" Johan asked, his voice hushed. "Did he hurt you?"

"No, Severus would never hurt me," she said as she wiped her eyes. She watched as her father pulled out some tissues from his pocket and handed them to her, his hand resting on her forearm as she wiped the tears from her cheeks and the snot from her nose. "It's me, I fucked up."

"I don't understand how you could do that," he admitted. His thumb carefully stroked her arm and Genevieve resumed stirring her tea. "You are one of the most considerate people I've ever met."

"I'm pregnant," she mumbled without thinking. "I found out a few days ago."

Johan stared dumbfounded at his daughter, blinking as he tried to process what she was saying. He could not picture his little girl as a mother; he had missed ten years of her life, essentially half, and she was till a baby in his mind. Pregnant? He couldn't wrap his head around the thought she was an adult, or even more intrusive, she was sleeping with an older man.

"Should I say congratulations or offer an apology?" he mumbled. Genevieve averted her gaze and he carefully tilted her chin up to look at him.

"I can't tell Severus," she continued without really acknowledging his question. She didn't even know whether she should be happy or sad; she was sitting in a weird purgatory-type mental state where there was no definite place and too much ambiguity.

"Why not?" Johan asked. "If you love Severus, he must be a decent man. I'm sure if you talk to him about this then it might put your mind at ease."

"We got into an argument over _Sectumsempra_ and my hormonal pregnancy brain essentially lost it on him," Genevieve sniffled as she took a sip of her tea. "He tried to talk to me about it but I pushed him away. Whenever you and I saw each other last is the last time I saw Severus."

"That's almost three weeks," he pointed out with his brows furrowed. "That's my fault, I'm sorry. It wasn't right of me to project things onto you. I know you're always going to hate me for what I did to Luuk, and I shouldn't have forced you to talk to him about the spell."

"Severus is a brilliant wizard," Genevieve said as she fought back tears again. "Papa, I love him more than I've loved anyone but I keep fucking up and I don't know why I have this mental barrier that keeps me from talking to him about things. I don't want to be like this anymore. I want to be able to talk to him about what's going on in my head but I don't know where to begin."

"Maybe we can write it out together, and you can talk to him in the morning once you've rested. I was in Amsterdam visiting Anki the other day and picked up some Muggle pens. Brilliant things, you don't have to repetitively dip them in the ink," he said as he rummaged through his pockets. He grabbed a piece of parchment he had and handed the pen off to her. "Let's talk it out and you can write. What do you want to tell him?"

"I need to tell him that Mam died," she said as she wrote it down. "I'm not mourning her. I'm mourning the failed relationship I had with her. I know she didn't love me as much as she loved Luuk."

"Your mother was an interesting woman," Johan said with a frown. "She was the love of my life but I don't think she was ready to ever be a mother. She loved you as best as she could. But the day you were born was the best day of my life, if that means anything to you."

"I was looking at pictures earlier," Genevieve responded as she put the pen down. She took a sip of her tea and shrugged out of her jacket. With her pregnancy came new symptoms of temperature dysregulation and she hated it. She was cold one moment and sweating the next. "I found one of us on the beach collecting shells."

"Luuk didn't like the beach," Johan said with a smile. Tears welled in his eyes and that was the first time she had ever seen her father so vulnerable. "He didn't like the feeling of sand between his toes."

"You're crying," she pointed out as she reached up to wipe his tears away with her thumb. "Papa, what happened with Luuk? Why did you kill him?"

"It's complicated," Johan shrugged as he kissed his daughter's hand. "I was caught up with the Death Eaters and they wanted me to recruit Luuk. But he was a Hufflepuff first and foremost; his family was his everything. He didn't want to, and I tried to turn them away from trying any harder but they didn't like my attempt to redirect their vision. The Dark Lord wanted Luuk."

"What was so special about Luuk that made Him want Luuk?" she asked softly. Her brows were furrowed now as she tried to make connections but nothing was making sense. There was no tangible reason a bunch of Death Eaters would want someone as pure as Luuk de Keyser.

"Luuk was talented in healing magic," he admitted. "That's valuable to those who practice dark magic."

Genevieve's heart stopped in her chest and she sat back in her seat. She was not necessarily public with her father about what she studied and taught; while she was an alchemist, she had always been drawn to healing magic which made this situation more terrifying. She had always been under the impression Luuk was studying transfigurations.

"Papa," she said softly as she met his eyes. "I teach healing magic at Hogwarts."

Johan's blood ran cold and immediately he knew what this meant. In connection to Severus, he feared that her talents in healing magic were his sole motivation to continue the relationship he had with his daughter. He knew from previous years Severus had been a loyal Death Eater, however, he was not aware his alliance had changed. Anger seared through him thinking that he was possibly using his daughter.

"I doubt anything will happen," Johan reassured through gritted teeth. "Anyways, Luuk didn't want to be a Death Eater and the Dark Lord wasn't happy. I... was put under the Imperius Curse and directed to kill him if I could not persuade him to join us."

"Why didn't you tell anyone that?" Genevieve said through tears. "You made everyone believe for ten years that you murdered him in cold blood. Why didn't you say anything? I hated you for ten years for things you didn't even have control over."

"The Imperius Curse could be resisted if a wizard or witch is strong enough," Johan said simply. "I wasn't and I was ashamed I couldn't. It was easier to tell everyone I did it."

"That doesn't make sense," Gen cried, one hand wiping the tears from her cheeks and the other rubbing soft circles on her stomach. "I would have wanted you to tell me you were cursed."

"I'm sorry," he sighed. "I wish I could change it."

Eyeing the way she caressed her stomach, Johan bit his lip and tried to gather his thoughts. The way she held her belly immediately told him that no matter what went down with Severus, she was going to be keeping the baby. He was unaware of her previous abortion, but the way she cradled herself was much different than the way Levina had. She had pure love, though she could not see it, while Levina viewed her pregnancy as a burden. He would never tell Gen that part, though. She already had mommy issues as it was.

"You want to keep the baby," Johan mumbled after a moment. He took a sip of his tea that was starting to go cold and handed the pen back to her. "I can see it with the way you touch your belly. So write that down, tell Severus you want to keep the baby."

Without hesitation she wrote that down onto the parchment, biting her lip as she meticulously dotted her i's and crossed her t's. This was a conversation she wanted to avoid entirely, not just with Severus but with her father and Minerva, and therefore wanted to push it back as much as she could.

"I didn't know I wanted to be a mother until now," she whispered as she looked up at her father. "I never told Mam this, but I got an abortion when I was sixteen. I think after that experience and finding out I'm pregnant now, my views have changed. I didn't have a choice back then, and now I do."

"So write it down," Johan encouraged. He continued taking sips of his tea. "Does Severus know about the abortion?"

"He was the one who brewed the termination potion," she said nonchalantly.

"Please tell me it wasn't his baby," Johan said through grit teeth. Genevieve looked up at him and shook her head.

"Merlin, no. Absolutely not. It was a Ravenclaw boy's, my year. Severus doesn't mess around with children, he hates them. He hated me," she reassured. Johan took a deep breath and bit his lip. She still looked exhausted.

"What else do you want to tell him about your thoughts here?" Genevieve shuffled in her seat and pulled her jacket back on, a draft hitting her and making her shiver. Johan offered her his cloak over the table and she took it without any hesitation, though she would have preferred it was her partner's. Her father smelled like tobacco and pine trees.

"This sort of bleeds into something else I need to tell him," Gen started hesitantly. Johan put his palms flat on the table and made sure to give her his undivided attention. Taking a deep breath, she said, "I was sexually assaulted a couple weeks ago, and since then I've had issues loving my body. I haven't been eating."

"Explains why you're so thin," Johan pointed out. "If you're going to be carrying a baby to term, you need to be eating. Who assaulted you?"

"I don't want to talk about him, I just need Severus to know that's what happened and that's what I'm dealing with," Genevieve sighed. "Please, Papa. Don't make me talk about it right now."

"If I ever find out, that man is dead," he grumbled sharply. "You're going through a lot right now, porcupine. I know you love Severus and I really hope you are able to talk about these things together."

Genevieve started writing down things she had not been verbalizing to her father, including: passive suicidality, body image issues, anxiety, grief, fear, and self-injury urges. When she had finished, she slid the pen back towards him and folded the paper to shove into her pocket.

"Danke je, Papa," she said softly as she looked up with him. "I'll call you in a few days and we can talk more about this. I'm sorry that stuff with Luuk happened. Maybe we can meet up and talk again soon."

Handing off his cloak back to him, Genevieve offered a smile to her father. "Gen," he said as he took his cloak back. She paused and looked at Johan. "I'm excited to meet my grandchild."

* * *

There was a certain kind of anxiety that sat uncomfortably in Genevieve's chest while she rehearsed exactly she was going to say to Severus. While she had the parchment completely organized in a unique fashion to her own brain's comprehension, she was terrified she would stumble over her words, make zero sense, or switch over to Dutch and therefore be unable to communicate properly. She did all of these in high stress environments; she was notorious for switching to Dutch in arguments and for a second forgetting all the English that she knew. She prayed to Merlin this was not how their conversation would go; she wanted more than anything to be upfront, blunt, and say what she needed to say to better their relationship. Hopefully he took the pregnancy news well. She could not handle another man forcing her into getting an abortion.

Genevieve had slept through most of the morning. Having gotten back very early, she had slept until 11am and laid in bed for another hour or so battling nausea and a pounding headache. She was able to roll out of bed around noon, and as she usually did, vomited, cried, and then gave into her pregnancy cravings. In that order specifically. Like she had the previous night, she got herself pickles and almond butter because, in her head, it tasted exactly how sex felt and it made her and Baby Snape happy. No vomiting, 100% satisfaction. To her, this was a good morning. Or afternoon, technically.

Though not showing yet, Genevieve had dressed herself in baggier clothes to hide anything in case someone saw something she did not. Her body image was so distorted lately that she could have a bump and not know that's what she was looking at. As she usually did, she pulled on a thick sweater and warm sweatpants over her thermals and her slippers to go over two pairs of socks. Her jacket and wand were the last two things she grabbed, and in the pocket of her jacket was the parchment she had written out with her father at the Merlin awful hours of the morning. Walking over to Snape's quarters felt odd; she hadn't done that in quite some time and part of her wanted to just turn around and never surface again but she knew it was important that she go.

Knocking on his door, Genevieve waited patiently for him to answer and shoved her hands in her pockets to fiddle with the parchment she wanted to read off of. It took quite some time for him to come to the door, so she thought perhaps he was not home, but eventually the door cracked open and she watched with anxious eyes as he carefully opened the door and leaned against the frame.

"I'm sorry," she said right off the bat. "I shouldn't have gotten mad and pushed you out of my quarters like I did. I was mad at my father, not at you, and I'm sorry that I confused the two in my head. I've also been doing a lot of thinking and there are a lot of things I need to tell you. Are you in a good enough headspace to talk?"

Severus simply sighed. He had adjusted to the feeling of being numb without his partner by his side. It was almost as if it were back to before she returned to Hogwarts. He seemed off; his eyes were glazed over with an emotion she couldn't really interpret. "I'm always here to listen," he said softly. "But I'm really hurt by what you did and I think we need to take a break."

Genevieve crinkled the parchment in her pocket as her heart sunk. "A break?"

"Not permanently, but I need time to think," Snape continued. It was clear in that moment that the look in his eyes was complete emotional detachment and upon staring a bit harder, he looked like he was under the influence of something. "You're also not okay and I want you to focus on that."

"Oh okay," she said as she blinked back tears. She took a few steps back and bit her lip harshly. "Yeah, sorry. We'll talk later then."

Gen turned on her heels to walk back to her quarters, nausea overwhelming her as she tried not to cry. "Gen," he called out to her. "What did you need to tell me?"

"Nothing," she said without turning to face him again. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and she didn't want him to see that side of her right now. "It's not important right now."

Without responding, Severus just let her go and he closed the door to his quarters behind him. Just like she was, he was consumed with numbness after what she had said to him those weeks ago. However, while she leaned on Minerva for support, he had completely withdrawn himself. Perhaps Dumbledore was right in not getting entangled emotionally when there was a bigger fight that needed to be fought.

As Genevieve returned to her quarters she couldn't stop the crying. The first thing she did was grab a bag and start stuffing some of her most comfortable clothes inside and phone her therapist. She simply left one message: she was readmitting herself to that hospital in Amsterdam.

* * *

"I'm glad you admitted yourself instead of doing something impulsive," Katie said as she handed off some tissues to Genevieve. The young witch simply stared blankly at her therapist, not even having the energy to move her body. She was tired and felt sick all the time and now she was completely numb. She used to like therapy, but now it felt like a chore. Living was a chore.

"If I didn't come here I truthfully would have just ended it, Katie," Gen mumbled as she stroked her belly. All she really wanted was to lay in Snape's arms and to have his hand rubbing her back, but she knew she could not have that right now. He asked for a break. "I'm tired, do we need to have a session today?"

"You aren't required to talk," Katie clarified as she leaned forwards. She watched the way she soothed herself with her stomach and wrote it down on her notepad. "But you are required to be here if you want to be discharged in the next few weeks before term starts back up at Hogwarts."

"I don't know what I want anymore," she admitted. There was a clear disconnect in the way she spoke and Katie was growing increasingly more concerned with the emotional state of her client. She was lucky enough to work with the treatment team at the hospital to provide Genevieve with her required thrice a week individual therapy sessions but part of her wondered if she needed higher level care.

"You want your baby," Katie soothed. "You love your baby. Have you given it a nickname? My wife and I used to call our first baby Cheerio before we knew their gender."

"I haven't," she mumbled back. She wiped tears from her eyes but always went back to stroking her belly. In her head, it was just Baby Snape, but she would never verbalize that. "I don't know if I can be a mother."

"Have you talked to Severus about that?" Katie asked. She noticed a pattern of internalization that she went through and wrote that down as well. Genevieve shook her head.

"Does Severus know you're pregnant?" Another head shake. That was worrisome and Katie double underlined that.

"Genevieve, you're in a very vulnerable place right now and I think you should consider bringing him in for a group session," Katie admitted. She watched her client's eyes grow wide and anger spread across her features. "Does he at least know you're here?"

"He knows nothing, Katie," Gen snapped. "I hurt him. He doesn't want me anymore."

"I doubt that. What happened?"

Genevieve met her therapist's eyes, though her vision was completely blurred with tears. Taking a deep breath, she cleared her throat. "He told he that he created _Sectumsempra_ and I lost it on him. That curse killed my brother and I was hormonal and didn't know why. I snapped at him earlier that day, too. He has to hate me."

"Everyone snaps at their partner every once in a while. From what I understand, that's not a very common occurrence therefore I don't see any reason to worry about that. Couples argue and they fight. That's how all relationships work. Friendships and family included."

"He asked for a break. I don't think that's just an argument," Genevieve mumbled. "He doesn't want me anymore, and that's okay. I wouldn't want me either."

"Why would you not want yourself?" Katie asked. "What about yourself do you not want?"

"Levina didn't want me, and that woman birthed me," Gen sniffled. "It's shitty to have a mother who goes through repetitive psychosis from bipolar disorder, but to have her not want you to begin with on top of that makes it easy for me to think nobody else wants me either."

"I guarantee if you told Severus everything that was happening that he would want you," Katie asserted. "You can't assume people's feelings based on how other people have treated you. Over generalization is not healthy, but we'll work on that so you can leave here with better coping mechanisms and skills. Let me help you."


	27. PART TWENTY-SEVEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: brief physical violence

"You piece of shit," Johan sneered as he grabbed Snape by his throat, fingers curling into his skin sharply as he shoved him up against the brick wall of a building in Diagon Alley. Disoriented, Severus blinked to try and focus his vision in the darkened alleyway, heart pounding rapidly in his chest when he realized he was looking into the eyes of Genevieve's father. "You asked her for a break? After she came to talk to you about wanting help? I have never seen my daughter so happy before and you went and fucking ruined it."

"Get off me!" Mustering up physical strength, Severus shoved the older man off of him and immediately drew his wand in defense. He felt his extremities starting to go numb and he knew in that moment he was dissociating. Fear flickered in his dark eyes. "Genevieve needs to learn to take care of herself. As much as I love her, I am not her therapist or her doctor. I can't pick up her pieces."

"You're a bloody idiot," Johan sneered. He countered his alert behavior, his wand drawn and pointed in the direction of his daughter's partner. He felt his blood boil as his eyes scanned his appearance. He looked disheveled; there was absolutely no way his daughter was in love with such a greasy mess. "She didn't go talk to you because she wanted you to _pick up_ her fucking pieces. She was going to talk to you to come clean about _what_ pieces were broken so she could be honest with you and seek proper help. My daughter fiercely loves you and the way she talks about you makes her eyes light up more than I have ever seen. You make her so damn happy. She has never loved anyone more."

"How could I have fucking known that?" Severus retorted as he adjusted his cloak. The older man had his brows drawn together and eyes glossed with an unfamiliar emotion. Johan sniggered in disbelief and ran his fingers through his hair.

"You let her _talk_. That's how you could have known," Johan said with a sarcastic laugh. Severus raised a brow as he tried to ground himself, but all he could think about was the way Genevieve would have been squeezing his hands and peppering soft kisses along his cheeks. As much as he didn't want to demand a break, he knew they needed one, especially given how his own mental health had plummeted with the mental barrier Genevieve had put up in their relationship. "If you hurt my daughter, your head is going to be on my wall, Severus. This threat is extended to your Death Eater status. Don't think I've forgotten. Severus Snape, the Dark Lord's most loyal servant."

"I would never hurt Genevieve. I would never let _anyone_ hurt Genevieve," Severus defended. He reminded himself of the conversation he had with Albus prior to the start of term regarding the overlap of healing and dark magic. He knew she was in danger and it was slowly becoming more obvious to him. "Loving me is the kindest thing she ever did. I don't _deserve_ her."

"I know you don't deserve her," Johan snapped. " _Nobody_ deserves her. She gives until there is nothing left for her to give and then she crumbles. She told me what she's going through. We worked on a list she was going to show you. She wanted to tell you everything and get help, but you were _selfish_. You've always been selfish, Severus. Everything has always been about _you_ and what _you want_."

"Don't defend your daughter for behaviors you aren't aware of," Severus said, but he knew he was right. Until his feelings for Gen had emerged and even before Lily had died, everything in his life was about him. He didn't do anything for anyone else except when it came to Dumbledore's mission to take down Voldemort. He changed his alliance for Lily. He swore to protect Harry for Lily. Perhaps, he now recognized that he was protecting the wrong family. Genevieve was his family now.

"I don't need to know what she said," the older man retorted. "No woman deserves to be abandoned while pregnant."

Suddenly, the world froze and Snape's heart stopped in his chest. Everything around him felt foggy, almost dreamlike, and he let his wand fall back to his side. He blinked a few times as he tried to process when that could have happened; to his knowledge, they had always been safe and the contraceptive potion was 100% effective. His knees went weak and he stumbled back slightly. "What?"

What he said immediately registered in Johan's head and his eyes grew wide. He knew there was absolutely no way of backpedaling his way through this one. A simple confrontation about his poor choices – and lack of acknowledgement for Gen's poor choices – had quickly turned south. As much as he hated Severus right now, he knew if he left him in the dark about this that he would attempt to contact Genevieve and she did not need that. Not while she healed.

"I wasn't supposed to say anything," Johan said calmly. "Don't talk to Gen about it until she tells you, but yes, she's pregnant. Almost eight weeks now."

"Where is she?" Severus asked as tears welled in his eyes. "Where's Genevieve?"

"She's getting the help that she went to ask you for," Johan responded bitterly. He ran his fingers through his dark hair and let his wand drop to his side. As he exhaled, Severus took note of his visible breath in the mid-January cold as a method of grounding himself. He needed to be grounded; nothing felt real. "She's not talking to anyone while she's being stabilized. I get updates from her doctor every few days, but that's about all I'm privy to. She doesn't want visitors so I don't hear anything from her."

"While she's being stabilized? What the fuck happened?" Severus was panicking now, his stomach churning and nausea consuming him as his thoughts started racing. He knew if he did not find something to focus on quickly that he would begin spiraling. Voice pleading, he continued, "I– we haven't spoken since term ended. I haven't seen her, I didn't think she would spiral like that. I don't know what you mean by stabilization. Did she hurt herself? Please don't tell me she tried to kill herself."

"No, she didn't attempt anything," Johan reassured. He pressed his lips together and gripped his wand tightly, taking a few steps back in preparation to apparate. "She checked herself into the hospital because she slipped back into a severe depressive episode and expressed some suicidality to her therapist. It's the same ups and downs as Levina. Loving people with this illness is not for the faint of heart. But Genevieve is doing all of this for you and for your baby. My daughter loves you, Severus, and while I don't know why, I continue to support you both. For her."

"I didn't see any of those signs," Severus admitted. "I didn't see anything."

"For someone who is so observant and meticulous when it comes to the Dark Lord, it's quite concerning how easily Genevieve's needs slip under your radar. Don't think I've forgotten. You and I both know the Dark Lord is coming back and He will summon you soon. Prove to me you're not the man I think you are, Severus. Don't let him drag her out like He dragged out Luuk. You now have a little family to watch out for," Johan said softly. Severus had never heard him use this tone of voice before. "Don't hurt my daughter."

"I could never dream of hurting her," Severus insisted. He looked down at his wand and tucked it back in his pocket as he wrapped his cloak tightly around himself. "When is she being discharged?"

"Before the start of term. She's doing well. She gained weight back, her medications have been adjusted, and your baby is healthy. Before she returns to Hogwarts, you need to do some serious thinking, Severus. Figure out what you want to say to her, what you want her to take accountability for, and what you want to do going forward. She wants that baby and she wants you. You need to understand that."

* * *

There was a certain kind of comfort that accompanied Genevieve each time she stepped out into the Amsterdam air from the suffocation of the mental hospital. It was crisp, clean, and a reminder of her early childhood and summer vacations visiting Anki. The world appeared clearer and more vibrant; sounds weren't muffled, colors weren't muted, and her brain was clear of any fog. Typically, Severus was the one to pick her up after she was discharged, but due to their break, her father took over that duty. Johan took extra care in making sure she was taken care of during this fragile time.

The moment he saw his daughter, he acknowledged how much happier she looked. She was definitely stable, eyes bright and smile big, and her belly was slightly more round. It was obvious to him that she was beginning to show, but to others who had not seen her in a while it might not be as apparent.

"You look beautiful, porcupine. Much more lively," Johan said as he held his daughter close. Genevieve wrapped her arms around his neck and sighed, taking in the scent of tobacco and pine trees that lingered on his cloak. She had always hated that he smoked, but it was much better than the smell of a mental hospital. It was comforting in an odd way and yet, she wished it were sandalwood.

"I went in sick, not ugly," Genevieve teased back with a tired smile. Johan simply rolled his eyes and ruffled her hair as they started walking down the streets of Amsterdam. It was such an odd feeling to be so alert and have things seem within reach. "I feel better though. I can think. They changed my medications primarily because lithium apparently isn't safe to take while pregnant, but they also wanted to start from a blank slate given how severe both episodes were."

"Have you thought about what you're going to say to Severus?" Johan asked as they rounded the corner into the alleyway. Genevieve bit her lip as she thought about the question; sure, she had discussed it with Katie, but now that she needed to start preparing to talk to him, all of those thoughts simply left her brain. Her father eyed her warily as he pulled her wand out of his pocket and handed it to her in preparation to apparate. She already appeared to be nauseous. "Are you okay?"

"I will vomit if we apparate, so I need a moment to mentally prepare," she admitted as she took her wand back from him. It felt nice to have the smooth, dark stained wood in her hands again. She felt whole. To ease her nausea, Johan rubbed slow circles into her back as a form of comfort and waited patiently until she was ready. Eventually, Genevieve stood up straight. "Okay, Papa, laten we gaan."

Grabbing her father's hand in her own, the pair nodded to each other and they apparated to the grounds just outside of Hogwarts. Upon landing, Genevieve was immediately nauseous and placed her hands on her knees to steady herself. Johan took her hair in his hands quickly in case she was sick, but upon taking a few deep breaths, shook her head. "No, I'm okay," she reassured. She took another moment, biting her lip as she attempted to persuade herself that was true. "Fuck this pregnancy thing, though. I don't like that I'm attached to it now. It's a fucking demon."

Johan laughed softly and let her hair go, stroking her cheek with his thumb. She frowned irritably and pushed his hand away. As much as she wanted the baby, she did _not_ like being pregnant. Anyone who had ever said pregnancy was a beautiful thing was a liar in her eyes – it was as simple as that. "Let's get back to Hogwarts. I want to get myself situated again before students arrive later tonight and I want time to take a nap in my bed and not the stiff mattress of a mental hospital."

"You'll be able to take a nap, porcupine," Johan reassured as they began walking back towards the castle. While it was nice to be back home, it also felt incredibly suffocating. The only people inside at the moment were her colleagues, which included Severus, and she didn't know if she was ready to be subjected to Minerva's concern. Part of her was guilty she hadn't told her where she was going, but truthfully she was set on taking care of herself rather than being sensitive of other people's feelings.

Genevieve was drawn from her thoughts when her father said, "Have you thought about what you're doing to say to Severus?"

Confused by the repetition of his question, Gen realized she had not actually answered him earlier when he originally asked. As they made their way down the corridor towards her quarters, she shrugged as she avoided his eyes. "I don't know exactly how I'm going to phrase what I'm going to say, but I know I'm telling him that I'm pregnant. I'm scared of what he'll say though. His reaction last time wasn't the best and he's not really my partner right now so I guess I don't need to tell him anything I don't want him to know. He's privy to my pregnancy because it's his baby. Nothing else really matters."

"Severus said he wanted a break, not that he was breaking up with you," Johan clarified. Genevieve's eyes were watering as she thought about it; she knew she was dramatic and was most likely catastrophizing the interaction, but she could not bear to think about it further. It made her upset. "You took the rest of your holiday break to stabilize yourself for you, your baby, and for him. What did you and Katie work on? What did she help you prepare? I know she did."

Unlocking the door to her quarters with a wave of her wand, Genevieve entered and set all her things down. She immediately kicked off her shoes and shrugged out of her coat, enjoying the feeling of not wearing shoes. Her feet constantly ached now. As she advanced into her quarters, she acknowledged the mess that was everywhere and was immediately overwhelmed. With a hand on her belly, she started compiling parchments and stacking books.

"She told me I need to tell him about my assault too," Genevieve stated blatantly as she started organizing things in her library. Johan sighed irritably and began helping her tidy up. "She said it's affecting the way we communicate and that I sound like I might be ready. I think I am, but I don't know if now is a good time."

Placing books on her shelf and helping her move the parchments, Johan started cleaning up some of the other mess that was around her quarters. He was still curious as to who had assaulted her and his mind wandered to all the men she interacted with. He knew, technically, it was much more common for someone to be assaulted by someone they know rather than a stranger. "Would you ever tell me who assaulted you?"

"No," Genevieve said quickly. She stood up straight and put her hands on her hips. "You already went to Azkaban for murder. I don't need you going back for the same reason, as much as I love you Papa."

While cleaning up, Johan stumbled upon a box of his daughter's old pottery pieces that she had clearly been organizing. He furrowed his brows and sifted through them, fingertips tracing the cracked and chipped pieces. "You still do this?"

Turning to face what her father was looking at, Genevieve bit her lip. A lot of that box just brought back unwanted memories for her and she had wanted to get rid of it. "Not in a while, no. I found the box while cleaning up right after the holidays and I was looking to discard it all. It surfaces memories I don't want to remember. You can have them if you're adamant about having a tangible piece of my art."

"No, I meant your potter's wheel is at your mother's. I didn't think you still did this. I can bring it to you the next I come visit if you'd like. Maybe it would be a good hobby to pick up again now that you're doing better so you can maintain this. It's a good outlet for stress involving your baby, too."

At the mention of her potter's wheel, Genevieve's entire demeanor lightened and Johan practically melted at the sight. He had not seen her so happy in a very long time and he was glad that she was finally getting closer to that. As rocky as their relationship was, and though many barriers still remained, he was glad that there was still some sort of reconciliation going with his daughter.

"I would love that," she smiled as she finished what she was doing. She looked at the clock and pressed her lips together. "Okay, I need to get ready to welcome my students back so I'm kicking you out now. Danke je, Papa. I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Call me if you need anything, Gen," Johan said as he kissed the side of her head. "I love you."

"I love you too," Genevieve smiled softly as she watched him leave. She took a deep breath and looked around her quarters. Some of Severus's things remained and she made the mental note to bring them to him when she asked him to speak later. But, until then, she wanted to get clean and sit down and take a quick nap. Pregnancy was kicking her ass.

* * *

Genevieve was more than ecstatic knowing she was finally euthymic again. As she sat in her office getting ready for the resumption of the term, she started organizing papers and work she had left on her desk prior. She had even gotten new plants to decorate the room and perhaps bring more oxygen and overall a better environment for her to work in. She had taken Professor Sprout's advice when organizing the pots around the room, paying extra attention to the natural light and placement of them referencing the side of the castle where the sun rose and set. As she adjusted the last few pots, there was a soft knock at the door and she turned around to face the sound.

Standing warily in her doorway was Severus, his palms pressed tightly against his side as he looked her over. He noticed how lively she was; he had not seen this version of her in what felt like a lifetime and it made his heart skipped beats. Any doubts that he had about shifting his focus melted away. Upon seeing her partner, Genevieve ran into his arms without thinking and jumped up so that her legs were around his waist. The moment she was tightly in his embrace, a feeling of tranquility flooded through the potions professor, but he furrowed his brows when she started uncontrollably crying.

"Hi princess," he whispered as he soothed her, stroking the back of her head as she cried. Genevieve was so desperate for affection that she refused to pull away from his hug, but let her legs drop so she was standing. Severus took note of how emotional she was and he attributed it to the news that Johan had accidentally broken to him two weeks prior. Oddly enough, he liked it. Anything was better than the silence and numbness he was subjected to for the past month.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed as she pulled back from the hug. He noticed how she quickly wiped her tears away and then rested one of her hands on her belly, though he did not make the acknowledgement noticeable. "I shouldn't have treated you like that. I'm so sorry, Severus. I love you so much but I understand if you don't want to be with me anymore. Regardless, I need to tell you something extremely important."

"Thank you for apologizing," Severus said with a soft smile as he continued to stroke her hair. He had also sought more help from his therapist during that tough time. He had realized the necessity in doing so when he declared the break and found himself spiraling. "I love you too, and I do want to be with you. I actually came to talk to you, too."

Genevieve nodded and wiped her eyes with the sleeves of her sweater as she sat down on the sofa. Her nausea started kicking in and she started taking deep breaths in order to prevent herself from vomiting and it only got worse when he sat next to her and placed a hand just above her knee. As he gathered his thoughts, he noticed how bright her eyes were and that Johan was right in saying she gained the proper amount of weight back. This was a version of her he had not seen since Halloween, and he supposed then that was when the both of them spiraled. Instinctively, he knew things were going to be different but in a very good way.

"Before you say anything, I need to go first and I need you to promise not to be upset with me," Gen asserted as she wiped the remainder of her tears from her eyes, brushing her fingers up into her lashes to try and make it stop. She wiped the traces of mascara that transferred on a tissue from the box in front of her on the coffee table. "I'm pregnant."

"Why would that upset me?" Severus said as he furrowed his brows. Of course, when Johan blurted it out he was upset, but not towards her. It was directed more towards himself for how he had treated her not knowing the vulnerable emotional state she was in at the time. He reflected heavily on how Johan said her needs and all her signs of relapse or an episode went under his radar and he talked to his therapist about it.

"Because it's my fault," she admitted with an awkward laugh. She crumbled the tissue in her hands and stared down at it with her lips pressed together. "I forgot to take the potion back in November and I failed to remember missing my period until I had missed two of them. That's my fault."

"Gen, it takes two people to get pregnant," he said with furrowed brows. "Don't be upset with yourself. _We_ made a mistake. How far along are you?"

"Ten weeks," she said as her eyes started watering again. Her mind started replaying the way Caleb had forced her into getting an abortion and prayed to Merlin that was not what was going to happen. The way he had treated her once he brewed that termination potion for her eight years ago terrified her. She used the tissue to wipe her tears away. "I know I should have talked to you about this when I found out, but you asked for a break and I didn't want to ruin that. You needed time and space and a baby doesn't do that."

"It doesn't matter what happened before," Severus reassured. He pushed some of her dark hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear, tilting her chin up so she met his eyes. "I am glad you told me now that _you're_ ready to talk about it. What do you want to do? Do you want to keep it or are you thinking about termination?"

The way her eyes widened when he mentioned an abortion made her heart stop in her chest and immediately rest her hand along her belly. "I'm not getting an abortion. I can't do that to myself again, and I'm sorry if you don't want to be a father but–"

"I do," he sputtered without thinking. Gen paused what she was saying and furrowed her brows, blinking the remainder of her tears back in confusion. She had not been expecting that answer, but she wasn't mad at him. "I want to be a father. I want our baby."

"What the fuck?" she whispered, completely dumbfounded at her partner. "You hate children. This doesn't make sense, I was expecting you to tell me you wanted me to get an abortion."

"Why would I force you to do something you don't want to your own body?" he responded. His voice was laced with concern and he leaned in softly to kiss the new tears that slid down her cheeks. "Oh, pretty girl. You're right, I do hate children, but the idea of having a baby with you makes me soft in ways that I can't even begin to describe. I want that. It feels right."

"I didn't want children after what happened my sixth year," she mumbled. "I couldn't bring myself to think about being a mother after Caleb pressured me into have an abortion. But then when we got serious and I started thinking about how I want to be with you always, the idea crossed my mind and it felt right. And now we're having a baby, I guess."

"We're having a baby," he affirmed as he leaned in and kissed her softly. Gen's shaky hands cupped his jaw in her hands as she returned it, enjoying the feeling of his soft skin under her touch again. She kissed him repeatedly and he returned each kiss before he pulled back. She simply pouted. "I have some things I need to ask of you and this is going to get really serious now."

Genevieve's stomach churned but she still stroked her partner's cheek with her thumb, never breaking eye contact. He was using what Genevieve liked to call his "serious voice" which essentially was the tone he used with everyone except for her. Severus took a moment to gather his thoughts, and when he did he took a deep breath.

"I need you to start taking occlumency lessons with me. It's really important that you try and master this skill now. I don't want you to ask questions about it as curious as I know you are. Please. This is the one time I need you to do as I say and not ask question." His plea sounded more than serious and Genevieve stopped stroking his face to sit up more. Her brows were furrowed in confusion.

"Why?" she asked, completely disregarding his request for her to not ask questions. "What am I shielding myself from?"

"I said no questions," he reprimanded with a tap on her knee. "Just take it for what it is. I know you've already been dabbling in it. I don't know when you started, how you started, or with who, but your skills are very weak and it's quite easy for me to get through your attempts."

"Well yeah, you're a legilimens and occlumens," she frowned. She took note of how unnerved he looked while talking about this. "I'll take occlumency lessons. Are you okay?"

"I'll be perfectly fine when you master it," he admitted a bit too blatantly.

His tone of voice took her off-guard, and being the emotional pregnant woman she was, was hurt by it. She didn't have a reason to be – he was simply expressing a very serious request – but she could not help the tears that welled in her eyes. Gen mentally kicked herself and Severus took her chin within his thumb and forefinger to kiss her.

"Look at me," he murmured as he stroked her chin with his thumb. She looked up at him with tears streaming down her face again and he wiped them away tenderly. There was absolutely no leads on why he was so desperate for her to master the skill and it was worrying her. "I love you, Genevieve. More than you could ever know."

In that moment, everything between them felt much calmer. However, Severus prayed this time was her last trip to the mental hospital and the last break they would ever need to take. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with this woman.

* * *

Just as the sun was rising on this side of the Hogwarts castle, Severus was woken up by the sound of his partner being sick in the washroom. He sighed as he turned over and pressed his face into the pillow to muffle the sound. It made his chest tighten to hear her struggle so much with the pregnancy. Over the last week as they further discussed it, Genevieve had disclosed all of the symptoms she had been having: morning sickness, food related nausea, fatigue, back aches, sore breasts, heartburn, headaches, and abdominal muscle cramping. She also did not fail to mention that she was constantly in the mood for sex which Severus did not complain about. It didn't faze him for two reasons: one, he hadn't had sex in a while and so any little plea she gave for him to fuck her was enough motivation he needed, and two, he was the hypersexual one which meant he was more than happy that her libido finally matched his. However, this did not even begin to touch upon the fact the foods she was able to stomach were extremely odd combinations that came in waves of "I must eat this or I'll die" theatrics. Most of these combinations grossed him out so much he could not even kiss her when she ate them.

When Genevieve crawled back into bed, she grumbled and struggled to unclasp her bra from beneath the oversized t-shirt she was wearing. She adjusted the sleeves of her shirt to maneuver and slide the bra off, throwing it onto the floor and putting her arms back through her shirt when she was done. She made the attempt to buy bras with more support that were secure with higher compression to keep her breasts from moving around too much while they were sore, but eventually that pressure was too much. In that moment she decided she would just suck it up and go braless, and as painful as it was to sleep on her stomach, she did it anyways. She could not touch her partner without seething in pain from any accidental contact, and having caught onto this, he provided her with her fix of physical affection in the form of light back scratches. It soothed her enough to fall back to sleep for another hour, but once again, she woke up and went to the washroom to vomit.

The second time that Genevieve crawled back into bed, Severus rolled onto his back and ran his hand over his face as he tried to wake up. As she crawled back under the duvet, she tried to crawl into his arms. He took note that she was sniffling and felt her tears on his skin.

"Are you okay?" he asked her gently, fingers delving through her dark hair. Genevieve shook her head and started crying, hiccuping softly in between breaths.

"I can't do this anymore," she mumbled into his chest. It had become increasingly obvious to Severus over the last week that this pregnancy was extremely difficult on her mentally and emotionally never mind the physical changes that she was so averse to. "We are _never_ having sex again."

"Okay, my love," he said softly with a smile. He fought a laugh but he knew if he had shown any sort of amusement towards her comment that he would be sleeping on the sofa and would have broken ribs from being poked in the side. Instead, he kissed her forehead and slid his hand underneath her shirt to lightly scratch her back. Eventually she fell asleep again, but Severus remained awake.

The smell of her hair was something that he missed while they spent time apart, and even more subtle things like the even rise and fall of her breathing. They had been tangible proof that she was there with him and not just a figment of his mind. He had been thinking about things like this over the past week; there was so much he took for granted and he wanted to be better for her and now for their baby. He needed to be better.

Genevieve slept until Severus needed to shift her to lay her down on the pillow with the blankets pulled over her back. The time was almost 7:00am and with first period beginning at 8am, he needed to get himself ready quickly so that he could go. He had tried to stay in bed with her as long as he could given that this morning was tougher than some of the others, but now he _needed_ to get up. As much as he wanted to say in bed with her.

Just as Severus had transferred her head from his chest to the pillow, she stirred and her eyes drifted open. Seeing that he was getting out of bed, she reached out her arms and made grabbing motions with her hands. "No," she mumbled half-asleep. "Come back to bed."

"I have to get ready to teach," he whispered as he leaned down to kiss her forehead. "You, pretty girl, are lucky enough not to have a class first period today so I want you to sleep some more. This morning has not been kind to you."

Chest fluttering, Genevieve's eyes darted back and forth as she started waking up now. She tried to process what was happening and instead of letting him get up, she tugged on his arm. "No," she responded too quickly. Severus could immediately read into the anxiety laced within her tone and resumed rubbing her back.

"If you're not going back to sleep then come have breakfast with me," he whispered softly. "I can make you some oatmeal, if you'd like. You were able to stomach that yesterday, do you think you could manage that today?"

"No, I can't stomach oatmeal," she mumbled. her voice was less panicked but was still uneasy, therefore Severus kissed her forehead and stroked her cheek with his thumb. "I want tomatoes."

"You can have tomatoes if it's alongside a full meal," Severus reasoned as he continued to provide her with affections. Genevieve pouted and shook her head, not satisfied with that as an answer. He leaned down and kissed just behind her ear to soothe her.

"Tomatoes with frosting," she grumbled as she swatted his kisses away. She knew what he was doing and he was very good at it: smother her with kisses, her mood evens out.

"That's not breakfast," he stated bluntly. "I'll let you eat that later after you've had a proper meal. What else would be able to stomach, princess?"

Though not inherently rude, the stern voice that he had used with her was overwhelming and she turned her face back into the pillow to prevent the tears welling in her eyes from slipping down her cheeks. Severus sighed and kissed the back of her head repeatedly; he knew she was sensitive.

"I just want tomatoes and frosting," she whimpered into the pillow, the sound making Severus's chest tighten. He hated seeing her upset.

"Later, princess," he reasoned. "Come on, let's get you out of bed. I'll make you a cup of chamomile tea while you decide what you want to eat for breakfast."

As encouragement, Severus pressed gentle kisses just below her ear and along her jaw, his hand slipping beneath her shirt to rub gentle circles in her back. This never failed to soften her mood and after a few minutes she turned back over and wiped her eyes.

"There's my pretty girl," he crooned as he leaned down to kiss her sweetly. She hummed softly into the kiss and her heart fluttered, though she was slightly annoyed that he was able to fix her mood so easily. Sometimes she just wanted to be sad for a second.

"Baby Snape doesn't love me today," she grumbled as she sat up. Severus cracked what could have been considered the stupidest smile she had ever seen on him and she furrowed her brows, arms crossed over her chest. "What?"

"Baby Snape? That's what you're calling our baby?" Standing from the bed, Severus handed Genevieve the numerous layers in the order he knew she put things on: sweater, sweatpants, two pairs of socks. She started overheating at night because of her pregnancy and simply wore panties and a big shirt, which Severus liked. Her skin was soft.

"That's what she is," Genevieve pointed out. "She's your baby, so she's Baby Snape."

"She?" Severus said with an eyebrow raised.

He helped her stand from the bed but she wrapped her arms around his neck and demanded he carry her. He didn't really object to it – she was incredibly clingy – and he picked her up so her legs were around his waist and his hands supported her under her ass.

"I think it's a girl," she murmured into his neck, peppering soft kisses along his skin. She felt herself grow sleepy again as he carried her into the kitchen and placed her down on the bare countertop. "Moeder's intuïtie. What do you think?"

"I think as long as it's healthy, I don't care what gender the baby is." Severus pressed a soft kiss to her nose and turned to brew himself a cup of coffee and fill the kettle with water to boil for his partner's tea. "Would toast be easier to stomach than oatmeal?"

"Yes," Genevieve said without missing a beat. Because she was so tired all the time, she hadn't baked in a while and his kitchen lacked bread loafs and Dutch sweets. He missed it somewhat, but substituted it with store bought bread. "But I want it with apricot jam and cream cheese. Butter upsets Baby Snape."

Severus laughed softly and kissed her cheek as he went to grab the pre-sliced bread from beside her and put it in the toaster. Genevieve watched him with sleepy eyes as he made her breakfast, her gaze following the curve of his jaw, his lips, the hook of his nose, and then she met his dark eyes. She was so in love with this man. He merely furrowed his brows. "What are you looking at?"

"You," she mumbled with a tired smile. "I love you, Sev."

"I love you too," he responded as he poured himself the cup of coffee. The water had just finished boiling and therefore he added the loose tea infuser filled with chamomile to the cup. Eyes drifting shut again, Gen grumbled and tucked her shirt beneath her breasts so that they didn't rest directly on her stomach, massaging them as she did. Severus noticed out of the corner of his eye. "Do they hurt still?"

"They always hurt," she mumbled. "It's apparently normal according to my doctor, but they're bigger and they feel full and it's itchy and achy."

"I know they're bigger," Severus responded without thinking and then his cheeks turned a soft shade of pink. He refused to meet her eyes as he started spreading the jam and cream cheese on the toast she had asked for. Gen simply laughed and playfully slapped his bicep.

"Rein in the testosterone, Severus, look how far that's already gotten you." As he placed her breakfast on the table, Gen hopped off the counter to go sit down at the table and attempt to stomach something. As she took a few bites, she rested her other hand on her belly and stroked it lovingly. "I'm scared I won't be a good mum," she admitted after a moment.

"And why is that?" Severus responded as he turned to face her with her cup of tea. He kissed her head and started making toast for himself.

Biting her lip, Genevieve put her toast down and took a sip of her hot tea. It did make her less nauseous and she sighed in relief at the fact she had identified another safe meal to eat without it making her morning sickness worse. "I don't want to end up treating our baby like Levina treated me. I also have bipolar disorder, what if I do the same thing? What if Baby Snape also develops bipolar disorder?"

"First of all, the fact you're consciously thinking about it means you won't repeat Levina's parenting," Severus pointed out. He decided on butter for his toast versus her strange combination, but it was a better breakfast than tomatoes and cake frosting. "Second, I know for a fact having a child with bipolar disorder isn't going to make me – or _you_ for that matter – love them any less. It's not a death sentence, and you are managing it. You're doing really good right now."

"But what if I'm just not a good parent because I have bipolar disorder?" she continued. Severus pressed his lips together, slightly frustrated, but decided to take a sip of his coffee while he thought about what he wanted to say. Truthfully speaking, he hadn't thought much on fatherhood but he knew certain things to be true.

"Just because we have mental illness doesn't mean we won't be good parents," Severus insisted as he took a bite of his toast. "It might make it a bit more difficult for us compared to other parents but we now know what not to do and we can consciously check our behaviors. Our parents couldn't, which ended up in the abuse and neglect that we don't want to pass on."

"Johan is excited," she smiled softly. Severus furrowed his brows at the change of conversation, but he supposed it was better for her to be in a lighter mood before he left for work. He knew she would be anxious as he left. However, he was still extremely confused on how her relationship with her father had taken a complete 360 degree turn. "He's already pestering me with name ideas."

"What happened between you two?" he asked bluntly with his signature brow raised. "We argued because you hated him for murdering your brother and the next thing I know he's choking me out in Diagon Alley because you told him we took a break. He said you met up with him and made a list of things for me to talk with you about."

"Wait a fucking minute, he choked you?" Genevieve said as she picked up her toast again. She took a deep breath and then a bite, wiping her hands on a napkin. "He's fucking impulsive, I'm sorry. He didn't mean it."

"What happened between you two?" Severus reiterated a bit sterner. He watched her bright demeanor fade and he mentally kicked himself when he remembered how sensitive she was. Gen averted her eyes to her cup of tea and rapped her fingers along the side. "I'm sorry, princess. I didn't mean to say it like that."

"I was really upset one night and I was sentimental from looking through childhood photos, so I called him. I didn't expect much to come out of it, but I was alone. Before he murdered Luuk, he wasn't a bad dad. I always left that part out because if I think about what he was like prior to being a Death Eater, I empathize with him and I don't want to empathize with a murderer. He helped me make that list and then he admitted to the fact the Dark Lord put him under the Imperius Curse to finish off Luuk after he failed to recruit him. I guess after he explained that I just let the grudge go. That and I'm desperate for some sort of parental reconciliation with one of mine already six feet under."

"That doesn't sound like you. You're whatever the hell is worse than stubborn," Severus frowned. He continued eating his breakfast as Genevieve picked at hers, though after a while she just settled on finishing her tea. Her nausea had returned. "I'm glad you're amending your relationship, though. What kinds of names has he been suggesting?"

"He wants me to name it Johan if it's a boy," she laughed as she stroked her belly. "I told him if I had a boy, I would be naming him Luuk and that I didn't care what your input was. My son would be named after my brother."

"And if it's a girl?" Severus asked, wary that Johan would have suggested she name it Levina. He already knew that Gen was angry one of her middle names was her mother's name, so he didn't assume that recommendation would have gone well.

"He didn't have any. He's insistent that it's going to be a boy." She scrunched her nose at the thought of their little interaction and tried sipping her tea to make the nausea go away. However, that didn't work and with a sigh of irritability, Gen went back to the washroom to be sick.

Severus sat back in his chair and simply grimaced at the sound of his partner being sick again. After a moment, he rummaged through his cupboard for the bottle of anti-nausea potion that he kept laying around. It took him quite some time to find it but once he had, he set it down next to her tea. When she came back, she opened the bottle and smelled it. "Anti-nausea?"

"Smart girl. Your potion skills are still sharp," he complimented with a soft smile. "Keep it with you today. Put a few drops in your tea now and if you need it, you can also put it in water."

"Merlin, I love you," she said as she followed his advice. As she sipped on her tea, it settled her stomach some more and she was able to finish her breakfast and completely stomach it. After a little while of comfortable silence, Severus cleared his throat and she looked up at him.

"Have you thought about names?" The question was slightly uncomfortable for him to ask, and though he wasn't sure why, his face flushed a soft pink color. Genevieve rolled her eyes and finished sipping her tea, laughing into her cup.

"No, I want to wait until I see her to name her. For now, she's just Baby Snape. What about you? I'm sure you're eager." The last part was sarcastic; Severus hated doing things with permanent consequences. Naming a child was daunting.

"As long as it's a normal name, I really don't care what our child is called," he admitted. "Don't name our baby something like Severus. I would seriously consider murdering you if you subjected our child to that sort of name."

"I like your name," Gen frowned as she got up to put her dishes in the sink and to stretch. She kept her hand rested on her belly and leaned forward to kiss her partner sweetly. "Regardless, its surname is going to be Snape."

"Just as torturous," Severus grumbled as he returned the kiss. He pushed her hair out of her face and stroked her temple with his thumb. "I love you."

"I love you too," she smiled softly. "And I love Baby Snape."

Severus took a deep breath. He knew what he was about to say had many negative consequences, most of which he couldn't help, but he needed to say it anyways. He had things to do and now a little family to support. "I have to go get ready to leave now."

Gen's heart started skipping beats and her mind was racing. "No," she said, her voice cracking.

Severus furrowed his brows. This new clingy thing wasn't making much sense to him; while she loved him and loved quality time, her boundaries were strict. He typically was the clingy one out of the pair. "What's going on with you, Gen?"

Tears welled in her eyes. "I don't know. I get this feeling in my chest that you're not coming back and I can't shake it. I know you are and I know where you'll be if I need to see you but I am still nervous."

"How about you phone Katie and change your appointment to something earlier this week?" he suggested. She nodded and hugged him tightly, burying her face in his chest. He sighed and kissed the top of her head, soothing her by rubbing her back. "I love you, princess."

"Promise me you won't leave me," she mumbled weakly. "I don't know if I could handle that."

"Sweet girl, I'm not going anywhere," he reassured. "You're the love of my life."


	28. PART TWENTY-EIGHT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: mention of sexual assault

Severus loved Genevieve as a whole, but there were many little things about her that made him fall in love with her just a tad more with every passing day. Some of them were simple physical characteristics, like the little freckle that adorned her top lip which he loved oh so much, but others were simply little quirks of her personality. He loved the way she snorted whenever she laughed too hard and how her nose scrunched whenever he smothered her face with sweet kisses. He loved the way her pretty brown eyes completely brightened like a child whenever she talked about things she was passionate about, things she loved, or things she appreciated. And most of all, he loved the contagious smile that spread across her pretty face when she went on tangents about good parts of her day. Collectively, they were aspects about her that confirmed he had fallen unconditionally and deeply in love with her.

There were some things about her that he was more impartial to. The first had always been her House; her cocky Gryffindor characteristics were blatantly obvious in her social interactions which was more than irritating to the Slytherin. He fought to counter those stereotypical and conditioned thoughts but he could not; it was bothersome, yet he loved her despite it. Severus was more reserved and introspective, therefore her outgoing and eccentric personality often exhausted him. Though it sounded inherently wrong to think, he enjoyed moments where she was absolutely silent. He did not think she was annoying or too much for him, simply that he needed quiet time to recharge after her loud and extraverted interactions. He acknowledged that getting this quiet time was imperative before the arrival of their baby; in six months, every ounce of silence was going to be ripped from them. Therefore, the day Johan visited and brought Gen's potter's wheel, he practically kissed the man because he was so grateful for the silence it brought.

Genevieve had kept this little talent of hers under Snape's radar for the entire time he knew her. Even when she was his student, he did not know she liked sculpting and pottery making. Just as she was about her research or her teaching, she was ever so meticulous and careful with her art. She often was so quiet as she perfected whatever little detail she hyperfixated on that Severus forgot she was there most of the time. But when he was paying attention, he enjoyed watching her with her art. She was content and it gave him ample time to acknowledge all the little things he loved about her. However, he quickly realized that using a potter's wheel was oddly sensual and he couldn't pinpoint why that was. Perhaps it was the way she dipped her hands into the slip mixture and carefully worked out any imperfections in her piece with her fingers, or maybe it was what she wore. Either way, it was incredibly distracting.

Despite being very sensitive to changing temperatures, especially during the coldest months of the year, Genevieve overheated very easily as her pregnancy progressed. Therefore, most of the time she lounged around her quarter's or Snape's in nothing but a pair of comfortable panties and a big t-shirt. When she sat down at her potter's wheel, her long dark hair was pulled back with only a few pieces escaping the clip and framing her face. She sat with her legs parted and her elbows pressed to her knees so that she could steady her hands. This made it incredibly difficult for Severus not to stare at her chest, especially given that bras were completely uncomfortable for her and she avoided wearing them unless she was at work.

Now nearing the start of her second trimester, Genevieve's nausea and morning sickness had finally relented. However, to her it felt like a trade off. While the nausea decreased, she became extremely dizzy, her back pain increased, and her breast soreness got worse. She tried her hardest to be optimistic and acknowledge some benefits like not having to get out of bed multiple times each morning to vomit, but that was hard. Her sex drive was still especially high but having grown self-conscious about her new body she was extremely averse to being touched sexually. Therefore, she settled on giving her partner head from time to time to keep him satisfied but it didn't prevent Severus from asking for other things. Like tonight, though he was simply curious rather than insinuating.

"You used to tell me all the time that an orgasm helped with all the cramping," Severus frowned as he looked over the book he was reading and in the direction where his partner sat at her potter's wheel. Genevieve barely acknowledged his statement as she attentively moved her fingers to adjust the height of the vase she was creating and when Severus realized she wasn't going to respond, he continued, "Princess, if you're in the mood I can still make you feel good. I'm not phased that you're pregnant. You don't have to keep giving without any reciprocation."

"It's fine, Severus," she insisted as she dipped her fingers into the slip again and started smoothing out the clay. Her eyebrows were drawn as she focused and he noticed that she barely moved or even blinked unless it was to push the frames of her glasses up her nose with her forearm. She rarely wore her contact lenses anymore. "I don't mind it."

"Not minding and liking are two separate concepts," he sighed as he leaned his head back against the sofa. He closed his book and tossed is onto the coffee table in front of him. "You also started spitting and you never spit."

"Severus, I just don't want you to touch me, okay? It's not because of anything you did, it's me being in my own head. I'll suck your cock as much as you want me to, but I don't want you to touch me. I'm sorry," she continued. Her voice was a bit sharper than he would have liked to hear, but he was fond of the new way she was straightforward with her thoughts rather than shutting down and internalizing everything. It was a nice change of pace to have despite how blunt she was.

"The way you're talking about it makes me sound like I'm forcing you to do it," he mumbled as he sat back up to look at her. She still hadn't broken her focus, but she had moved on to adding details to the vase with the little blade instead of using the potter's wheel. "I don't want you to feel pressured, you're allowed to say no."

Tears welled in Gen's eyes and she took a deep breath as she placed the blade down on her work space, now wiping away tears with the back of her wrist to avoid smearing clay on her face. "It's not that I'm pressured," she whispered. Her chest tightened as she wiped her hands on a nearby towel. "I like making you feel good, I really do. It's such a turn on to just... I don't know, Severus, it's not fair to you that I'm getting fat and ugly and even when I'm not pregnant anymore, I'm going to be recovering from having a baby and I'll be really tired all the time which doesn't give us time to have sex and I don't feel like that's fair to you."

"Princess, you're acting like sex is my top priority here. I'm focused on getting you through this pregnancy and being a good partner to you and eventually a good father. Sex is not at the front of my mind and you're not getting fat or ugly. You're beautiful and you're being burdened by carrying my child. Don't say you're not, I can see how hard it is on you in every aspect and I wish I could take that away for you. You're tired, you're in pain, and it's emotionally draining. I am more than grateful and more in love with you than I've ever been for everything you're doing," he reassured. "You also seem to forget that I have a hand. Two, in fact."

The last comment made her laugh as she continued to wipe her tears away with her wrist, except this time she pushed her glasses to the top of her head. He never failed to make her feel better even if she had a completely hateful relationship with her body for the changes it was undergoing. Severus stood from the sofa and kneeled beside her potter's wheel to cup her face in his hands.

"You're _my_ pretty girl and I'm always going to be here to love and take care of you and Baby Snape," he soothed. "I don't care how ugly you think it's going to get. You are the love of my life and I wouldn't want to be with anyone else or have a baby with anyone else for that matter."

"I love you," she whispered as he kissed her forehead. He soothingly stroked her cheeks and wiped away the remaining tears with his thumbs. "I can't wait to be a mum, but I want to skip to when Baby Snape is already one years old or even older so my body is not overcome with hormones and changes that make me hate my body."

Severus simply frowned. He hated when she talked down on her body as hypocritical as that was. He constantly was saying things about his own body and he figured his insecurities were starting to rub off on her. Or, perhaps, it was the remnants of her body image issues from when she had been starving herself. "You shouldn't hate your body. It's beautiful."

"You're just saying that because you like that my tits are bigger," she grumbled as she pulled back from his affections. Severus pressed his lips together at the change in her demeanor. "That's all you think is beautiful."

"You're right, I like that your breasts are bigger. I'm a man, my brain is empty when it comes to how hot you are, and it's extremely distracting," he admitted. He took her chin between his forefinger and thumb and forced her to look at him, stroking her chin softly with his thumb as he did. "But I also think the rest of your body is beautiful. _You_ are beautiful."

Severus wrapped one of his arms around her and pulled her closer so that he could pepper quick, sweet kisses just below her jaw and beneath her ear. His remaining hand slipped beneath her shirt and rested along her belly as he rubbed gentle circles into her warm skin. The affection elicited a soft sigh from his partner as her eyes drifted shut. Now that she was twelve weeks, her bump was becoming more noticeable and therefore her skin felt tight and itchy. His subtle touches felt extremely good.

"I'm going to wash my hands. I'm done with my vase for tonight," she mumbled. "Can we cuddle?"

Snape kissed her softly and reached up to tuck the loose strands of her hair behind her ear and adjust the glasses sitting on the top of her head. "We can always cuddle," he whispered back to her. "Let me grab some extra blankets and pillows and I can make our bed extra comfortable, how does that sound?"

Genevieve smiled softly into the kiss and nodded. While she went to the washroom to scrub her hands clean of clay, Severus walked around the common room to gather all the extra blankets that they had laying around and set them down on the bed. He was shaking each of them out and organizing them in a cozy way when she stepped into their bedroom. She lingered in the doorway for a moment as she put Luuk's ring back on and watched him lay out the extra pillows too. Her eyes were fogged with the love she held for this man. He simply glanced up at her.

"There's my pretty girl," he crooned gently as he pat the mattress. Gen's heart skipped a few beats and her eyes lit up at the little cuddlefest that he had created for her. "Come here, my love."

Genevieve didn't hesitate to crawl onto their bed, laying down on her back as she held her arms out for him. Typically, Severus liked laying down on her because her breasts provided more cushioning now despite how specific he had to be in order to not make her seethe in pain. He liked the way she raked her fingers through his dark hair and kissed his head, but he acknowledged that this day had been tough for her more so than usual and therefore he wanted to hold her.

She spent all day doing things that exhausted her – she cooked breakfast, cleaned up, took a shower, taught six periods, and had started a new art piece – all despite her pregnancy fatigue. She deserved to be taken care of and spoiled. Instead of crawling into her arms, Severus simply laid down on his stomach and peppered soft kisses on her little baby bump. His heart swooned at the sleepy smile that spread across her face and he closed his eyes as she raked her fingers through his dark hair.

"Mm, that feels nice," she whispered as he continued pressing soft kisses to her itchy belly. "I'm sure Baby Snape likes it too. I love you, Sev."

"And I love you," he smiled as he pressed one last kiss to her belly. "And I love Baby Snape."

Severus crawled up beside her and pulled her into his arms, though she remained on her side. Sleeping on her belly was becoming much more difficult and she hated it. She always slept on her stomach. Continuing with his train of thought, Severus said, "I was thinking about talking to Albus about having you move into my quarters. What do you think of that idea?"

Having been dating loosely for over a year and been exclusive partners since last July, Genevieve was more than elated by the idea of not having to go back and forth between her quarters and his, being able to wake up next to him every day and not when she was able, be there when each other comes home from work... everything about that scenario made her stomach flutter. However, Snape's quarters were much darker in terms of natural light and of interior design. She was used to the light neutrals that decorated her quarters and the abundance of natural light. She scrunched her nose.

"I would rather you move into mine," she admitted softly as she leaned up to kiss the corner of his mouth. He smiled into it and she pressed another kiss to his cheek and then his jaw. "First of all, you have less things – just books and clothes – and my design skills are less depressing. You're way too fond of dark colors and black, emo boy. Even your _bedding_ is black."

"Your bedding is dark purple, don't pull that shit with me," he teased as he kissed the top of her head. "Okay, you make a good point about my possessions. You have a ridiculously large closet, endless knickknacks, art, photos, books... I'll talk to Albus this week about it, how does that sound?

"I would like that," she mumbled. Severus noticed that her voice was sleepy so he slipped his hand just beneath her shirt to lightly scratch her back. Despite her little grumble of protest, she turned over so that he could provide his affections easier. "Mm, I know what you're doing. I can't go to sleep, I have papers that I need to grade."

"Princess, you can take a nap. I'll wake you up when I've made dinner and you can think about grading papers then," he whispered sweetly as he kissed the back of her head. "I know you're tired. You've done a lot today, my darling. Let me take it from here."

"Mm, okay," she ceded. She didn't really have enough energy to counter his logic; she was exhausted, plain and simple, and gave into his gentle touch. Within minutes, the back scratching had put Genevieve to sleep. Her breathing evened out and her body relaxed entirely, something that Snape didn't see much of lately. It made him feel warm. He loved her.

* * *

Since Petunia had ridiculed him for his choice to wear his mother's blouse those many years ago, Severus had grown sensitive towards students who displayed any ounce of gender non-conforming behavior. He knew the pain of mustering courage to be yourself and to still be humiliated by your peers all too well. While Severus was merely curious as a young boy, it appeared as if certain students took immense comfort in being able to dress differently. It made him reevaluate a lot of his experience as a child cross-dressing and all the feminine characteristics he realized he had possessed, but he didn't really know what to think of it. It didn't bother him as much and therefore it took a backseat to some of the more impending events like fatherhood.

Severus had spent most of his free period grading potions write-ups which infuriated him. He didn't understand how students could get the easiest little things wrong and make the most unavoidable mistakes possible. Part of him wished Gen was still his teaching aide since she was amazing with students in every aspect, but he knew she was exhausted from being pregnant and teaching five healing magic courses and one alchemy course. Her one free period was not enough for her and therefore he wouldn't bother her with it. Instead, he would take the advice she had always given him: break it down, look it over, ask students about how they best learn. It was frustrating, but he knew it needed to happen.

"Professor Snape?" came a soft voice alongside a very timid knock. Drawn from his thoughts, Severus raised a brow in the direction of the seventh year Slytherin student who stood before him. They lingered in the doorway as they toyed with the sleeves of their robe. He took note of the anxious exterior of the child, a skill he blamed on upcoming parenthood. Gen called them his "dad instincts". He hated them. "Do you have a minute?"

Glancing up at the clock, Severus put the pen he writing with in the ink pot and leaned back in his desk chair. The student did exceptionally well in his class, never caused trouble, and rarely solicited his help or that of other students, therefore he assumed whatever they wanted to discuss was going to be more personal and of a serious nature. He felt his heart skip a beat and once again blamed his new dad instincts. He absolutely resented it, but that resentment made him feel guilty as he soon was going to have a child. Therefore he also resented that guilt.

"I have a meeting in five minutes, so I've quite literally only a minute. What do you need?" he asked smoothly. His voice was stern but not bitter, something he caught himself using more often. He was softening and he hated it.

"I want you to use they/them pronouns for me," the student said confidently despite the fact they avoided their Head of House's eyes. Severus furrowed his brows as he processed where the request had come from, but realized over the last few weeks this student had been dressing a bit more femininely and grew uncomfortable when using the name on the roster. It made sense. "And I want you to use the name Wren instead of the name on your roster."

Severus pressed his lips together and remembered the interaction he had with Petunia almost twenty years ago now. More than anything, he did not want his students to experience the same type of taunting. Wren looked like they were on the verge of tears, or perhaps it was the fear of being misgendered flickering in their eyes.

"Okay," Snape said gently. He took a deep breath in and stood from his desk as he reached for his cloak to start getting ready to leave for the meeting. "It's nice to meet you, Wren."

His kindness was completely unexpected, and while Wren was elated that their professor was accepting of their identity, they still feared that this acceptance would not be upheld in the classroom. However, as new as this concept was to Snape, he did not question it. It was not his business to question his student. The smile that was spread across Wren's features was enough to soften Snape to the point he was mentally kicking himself. Perhaps being a father wasn't going to be as hard as he thought – stupid dad instincts.

"It's nice to meet you, Professor Snape. Thank you," Wren said as they turned on their heels to leave. Severus rubbed his face and took a deep breath before he made his way to the healing magic wing to meet his partner. They had agreed to walk together to their weekly staff meeting, which is what they did every Wednesday after seventh period, therefore she was expecting him to be there a few minutes prior.

As he rounded the corner into her office, he lingered in the doorway and leaned against the door frame. "I just had a student come into my office and change their pronouns," Severus said without greeting his partner. Genevieve raised a brow as she shrugged into her jacket. "Wren."

"Oh!" she said as she stood on her toes to press a quick kiss to his lips. Severus raised his brow but nevertheless returned the kiss. "I love Wren, they're such a good student. They're genderqueer."

"I don't know what that mean," Snape huffed softly as he intertwined his fingers with his partner's. He immediately started pressed little kisses to the back of her hand as they started walking to Dumbledore's office where all their meetings were held. "I'm not going to ignore their request because I know how that feels given what Petunia did to me as a child, but I don't know what it means."

"It means their gender is outside of the dichotomy of male or female," she clarified as she leaned into his shoulder. As they walked, Gen swung their hands between them with a little hop in her step. She was unusually happy that day which wasn't inherently bad, just confusing. Severus liked it, however. "You don't need to understand it in depth, but respect them or I'll castrate you."

Genevieve leaned into her partner's shoulder as they rounded the corner and he kissed the top of her head. "What if our baby ends up... genderqueer?" he said hesitantly. Genevieve stopped in her tracks to look him dead in the eyes.

"Then our baby is genderqueer," she asserted a bit too sternly. Severus knew this was something he needed to deescalate; as a queer woman, she was more than in tune with what happens in the gay community including identities that he knew nothing about. He was familiar with gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender. That was it. "There's nothing more to it and if you think differently, I swear to Merlin, Severus–"

"I don't," he cut her off. "I was simply curious, Gen. Don't get pissy with me."

"I'm going to get pissy if it warrants getting pissy, Severus," she snapped. Severus sighed and leaned in to kiss the corner of her mouth a few times and she immediately scrunched her nose and tried to push him away, but he didn't relent and pulled her closer, forcing her to accept his affections. His intent was definitely to soften her up again and even out her mood. "I hate when you do that."

"No, you love it," he retorted playfully. "You adore my kisses. They always even out your sour moods."

"I know," she grumbled as they reached Dumbledore's office. Gen pushed the door open and took her usual seat, one of her hands rested along her belly as she sat up straight. She always sat next to Minerva and across from Severus; it had been that way even when she was the potions teaching aide.

"Now that everyone is here," Albus said. Gen looked around the table and acknowledged Burbage, Flitwick, Sprout, Trelawney, and finally Lockhart at the end. Her heart skipped beats as she avoided his eyes and turned her attention back to Dumbledore. Taking note of how her otherwise happy demeanor have shifted to more of an anxious one, McGonagall reached her hand under the table to squeeze her mentee's hand. Gen looked up at her and shook her head. "How has the resumption of term been? We'll start with you, Severus."

Clearing his throat, Snape folded his hands on the table. "Advanced potions is going well, but the introductory potions classes are not grasping some of the common mixture types. Their exam scores prior to the holidays had been consistently marked incorrect for that chapter."

"With what method have you introduced it?" Sprout chimed in. Snape barely turned his attention towards his colleague, but did listen to what she had to say. Genevieve raised a brow in her partner's direction. "My introduction to herbology students are struggling with the categorization of common roots."

"Mainly through independent reading. The lecture is used to reinforce the reading and to clarify any questions, which nobody asks. Therefore, it's not my fault that they're confused." Snape's tone grew bitter and as a result Gen kicked his foot under the table. His gaze shifted to his partner and his heart stopped in his chest when he realized her brows were furrowed as a disapproval of his tone. He immediately took a deep breath, softened his stance, and turned to fully face Pomona.

"Perhaps you could try more visuals," she offered. "Sometimes that helps with my students."

"Great idea, thank you Pomona," Albus continued. His eyes scanned the room to figure out which professor he wanted to hear from next. All of them were paying ample attention except for Gilderoy at the end. He looked like he wasn't listening in the slightest. "Gilderoy, Genevieve, what about your courses? How have you been collaborating?"

The question made Genevieve incredibly nauseous. Lockhart sat back in his chair, completely smug, with his back straight and eyebrows raised. It was clear with how he carried himself that he assumed his course was supreme to that of his colleague, but every professor looked as if they wanted to punch him. They knew how hard Genevieve worked, all the additional – _not required –_ hours she put in helping students outside of her teaching schedule. Her students excelled. So them wanting to punch Lockhart was a very fair assumption.

"My students are fine," Lockhart said simply without any elaboration. Dumbledore furrowed his brows.

"To my knowledge, Genevieve said your emergency spells module did not reinforce her curse reversal module. How are your students fine, then?" Dumbledore sounded extremely condescending and Trelawney stifled a chuckle. She raised her brows in Gen's direction to acknowledge that Lockhart was about to get his ass handed to him and Gen bit her lip to prevent from smiling. This was going to be good.

"Their grades are perfect, that's how," Lockhart retorted.

"Have you brought their marks as evidence?" Flitwick interrupted. He typically kept to himself when it came to drama amongst the staff members, but he too was tired of the arrogance that came from this professor. It brought so much unnecessary stereotyping to Ravenclaw House. McGonagall pressed a hand over her mouth to keep herself from smiling. Typically she could rein it all in and remain professional, but given what Genevieve had disclosed to her, there was absolutely no way she could resist. He deserved it.

"Their grades are based on performance of spells, not written assignments," Gilderoy defended himself. Snape raised a brow in his direction. "I simply write their grades in a book and calculate at the end of term."

"Potions is also primarily performance based, yet I have my students' marks always orderly. That's not a valid excuse as to have a lack of marks," Severus said sharply. Flitwick agreed with a nod.

"Every course is required to have exams, and similarly all laboratory or demonstration based modules require rubrics with marked comments. They were all outlined in the course materials I gave you at the beginning of term, Gilderoy. Where did those go?" Albus said with a raised brow. The entire room went silent; it was difficult to upset the Headmaster.

Gilderoy simply leaned back in his chair. He looked uncomfortably defeated which made Gen a bit more comfortable speaking, given that she was typically the one uncomfortable. "I don't know, sir."

Anger bubbled in Gen's chest as she finally turned her head to face Gilderoy. Severus recognized the look on her face and sat back in his chair with a slight smirk. He knew for a fact two things were going to happen: one, Gen was going to pitch a pregnancy hormone fit, and two, this was going to be _good_.

"You don't know? You're fucking kidding right?" She stood up to face him with her eyes narrowed and fisted closed tightly. She leaned on the table with her eyes flickering with hatred. Snape raised a brow of amusement, Flitwick and Sprout attempted to avoid any eye contact, and Trelawney simply gaped. McGonagall attempted to deescalate the situation by tugging on her mentee's hand, but she swatted her away.

"Language, Genevieve," Dumbledore disciplined. Genevieve completely ignored him. Her blood was boiling.

"I've been trying to get you to read those lesson plans since September and I've reprimanded you so many fucking times for ignoring it. I've tried to collaborate with you and tell you which sections should intersect and you didn't fucking listen to me. Do you need an example? I have more than enough evidence for your purposeful neglect," she snapped. Flitwick chuckled but completely muffled it.

"Someone's hormonal," Gilderoy hissed back. Severus felt his blood boil and he turned to face the defense against the dark arts professor, completely prepared to rip him to shreds. "Are you going to tell everyone _why_ that is? It's quite obvious."

"That is none of your fucking concern so don't divert the conversation. Take responsibility for your actions you absolute pompous, arrogant piece of shit," she snapped back at him. As she took a deep breath, she looked down at her mentor and whispered, "Minerva, can you come with me please?"

The pleading look in her eyes was more than enough evidence to the transfigurations professor that she was not emotionally okay. Without any hesitation, she followed Genevieve out of Dumbledore's office. There was faint snickering which was immediately followed by the distinct voice of Severus Snape, then Albus Dumbledore, and finally the collective murmuring of the other professors. It was completely overwhelming to the young witch.

"Are you okay?" Minerva said as she cupped Gen's cheeks in her palms. Her vision was completely blurred with tears as she rested one of her hands on her belly and suppressed sobs she knew was coming. "Genevieve, dear, what do you need right now?"

"I keep thinking about the way he touched me, and I can't shake it," she whimpered as she took deep breath. "I do everything right with my students, Minerva. I listen to them, I make extra time to help them when they need it, and– and–"

Genevieve was now hyperventilating and she took a few steps back so her back was pressed against the stone wall. She slid down it until she was sitting on the floor with her knees to her chest and Minerva immediately kneeled beside her. The older witch pulled her mentee into a very tight hug, careful of her belly. "How about we talk about your baby? Would that distract you until this passes?"

She nodded frantically as she clung onto her mentor, sobbing into her chest. The yelling in Dumbledore's office had yet to cease and it was stressing her out. McGonagall's eyes drifted shut as she realized it would not quiet down any time soon; Severus was more than overprotective of his partner and everyone in Hogwarts knew that. She was his whole world.

"Severus told me you've been cleaning out your spare room to make a nursery," Minnie whispered as she stroked Gen's soft hair. "What are you planning to do?"

"Green," she mustered through tears. She started hiccuping as she tried to organize her racing thoughts and focus on what she had planned for the nursery, but images of Lockhart's hand up her skirt made it difficult. Her heart was pounding and she was extremely nauseous. "I want it to be a soft green."

"That's a pretty color for a baby," McGonagall complimented. Her voice was soft, hushed, and overall motherly. "What sorts of decorations would you put up? My brother decided on horses for his daughters. It was pretty."

"I– um, I haven't thought about it," Gen said through tears. As she started breathing harder, the ruckus inside the Headmaster's office died down. Professors filed out in little groups and Severus immediately sat beside his partner on the opposite side of Minerva. They exchanged a worried glance.

"Gen, darling, how about we go back to your quarters and get you some Draught of Peace? Just so we can calm you down," he asked sweetly. Minerva let Genevieve go and watched with a tightened chest as she crawled into the arms of her partner. She couldn't bear to see her like this. The effect that Gilderoy had on her was more than infuriating. "Can you stand?"

"No, no," she whimpered.

"Okay, I'm going to carry you back and when you calm down we're going to phone Katie," he suggested. She nodded. Her behavior was still frantic, panicked, and pressured. Severus stood up and leaned down to pick up his partner, letting her legs wrap around his waist and her head rest against his shoulder. "Minerva, come with me. I want to talk to you when I get her situated."

McGonagall nodded and followed Severus as he brought her back to her quarters. Genevieve tucked her arms against her abdomen to try and make herself smaller and to be closer to her partner. That always helped, but her brain would not stop replaying the trauma of having her colleague non-consensually slide his hands up her skirt, stroke her, and put his fingers inside her.

It didn't take long for Severus to set Genevieve down in her bed and coax her to drink Draught of Peace. Minerva waited in the common room with her hands gripping the back of the sofa as Genevieve's sobs died down to sniffling. She heard the quiet, low murmuring of the potions professor. It sounded as though he were soothing her and this was a side of Severus she had never seen before.

When Snape returned, he ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. "Why did she call you to go with her? What happened that I don't know about?"

"It's not for me to disclose, Severus. You know that. You need to ask her what happened and you need to hear it from her mouth, not mine," Minerva defended.

"When did she tell you? Does it have to do with Gilderoy?" Snape's voice was sharp now, a tone he never really used with McGonagall anymore given how close they'd gotten. All thanks to Genevieve, of course, but he treated her like a human being. Minerva bit her lip and crossed her arms over her chest.

"It does, but that's all I'm saying," she responded with a sigh. Snape's eyes flickered with anger. "When she calms down more, ask her. It's important that you know."

"Is he still harassing her?" Minerva didn't respond and simply turned on her heels to leave. Just as she had opened the door, Severus continued, "Did he touch her?"

The transfiguration professor didn't need to respond to that question; the pause in her gait was the only answer he needed and without thinking he shoved her aside and bolted towards the defense against the dark arts wing. Panic surged through McGonagall.

"Severus!" she yelled after him. He ignored her, his cloak barreling behind him as he continued angrily down the corridor. She followed him the best that she could, though Severus was significantly taller than her and his strides were much larger. Right before he rounded the corner, she drew her wand and made a hook motion with her hand as she yelled, " _Petrificus Totalus_!"

Per the use of the Full Body-Bind Curse, Snape's arms snapped to his side and his legs shut as he fell forward onto the stone cold floor of the corridor. His cloak halted dramatically and covered part of his face. He was practically seething as Minerva finally caught up with him. "Minerva, you little bit–"

"Watch your tongue, Severus," she chastised as she kicked his feet. "You will _not_ be doing something reckless and impulsive to that man. When you've calmed down I'll use the counter curse, but for now you are going to listen to me. Am I clear?"

"Crystal," Severus hissed as his eyes narrowed.

"Good," McGonagall confirmed. "Genevieve confided in me over the holiday break that something had happened back in November as she was starting to function better, and it's affecting her now. I guarantee you this is something you're going to want to hear from her and not from me, but even then I don't want you to be a bloody idiot. She resented her father for a decade thinking he murdered her brother in cold blood and you would be repeating that trauma as much as I know you want to see that man dead. When I use the reversal spell, you're going to calm down and you're going to comfort your partner. She is tired, scared, and _pregnant_ for crying out loud."

Minerva twirled her wand between her fingers as she waited for Severus to respond. He sighed loudly. "Fine, I won't kill him," he admitted bluntly. "Unbind me now. The floor is disgusting, I'm complaining to Filch."

" _Reparifors_ ," Minerva stated confidently with her wand pointed at Severus. She watched as he rolled onto his back and then stood up, swiping at his cloak to rid of the dust that had clung to him. "I'm talking to Albus about it. Don't worry. Though you're right, it's ridiculous that he hasn't done anything yet. Even now given that it's quite obvious Lockhart has not taught his students anything and Genevieve had tried to help him, so there is more than one reason to throw him out."

"Go talk to him again, I want that man out of here," Severus asserted lowly. Minerva nodded and the two walked in opposite directions: Severus towards Gen's quarters, Minerva towards Dumbledore's office.

* * *

"Xenophilius?" Gen said into the phone. She was seated on the sofa with her back pressed against the armrest and her feet in her partner's lap. He was on the other end of the sofa rubbing her sore feet for her while the book he was reading levitated in front of him. It turned the page itself as he worked his way through the pages.

Severus didn't pay much attention to the conversation she was having. He knew she was curious about how she was related to the Lovegoods and therefore her family history was none of his business. It wasn't his place to listen in to this conversation.

"Hi, it's Genevieve de Keyser from Hogwarts. I'm one of Luna's professors– no, no Luna is perfectly fine. She's an excellent student and a very sweet girl. I was hoping to talk to you about something completely different. Does the name Levina mean anything to you?"

Though not paying attention to the context of the conversation, Severus took note that there was silence at the other end of the phone. Genevieve looked at the phone to make sure the connection was still there and then glanced up at her partner with her brows furrowed. "Hello?"

From the other end came the pressured speech of a male voice. As Gen listened to what he had to say, she rubbed little circles on her belly. Xenophilius spoke for several minutes, therefore she summoned pen and paper to write some things down. She confirmed everything she was saying with little "mhm" noises.

"Okay, I'll meet you in my office tomorrow at noon. Da– thank you," she corrected herself. She blinked a few times as she hung up the phone, frustrated with herself for almost switching into Dutch. She did that when she was stressed, which had been a lot lately, therefore Severus took extra care to make sure it was minimized. As she tossed the device onto the coffee table, she leaned back against the armrest again with her hand still rubbing her belly. "Severus, I need to ask you something."

"What is it, my love?" he said as he grabbed his book and set it down in front of him on the table. Genevieve pulled her legs off of his lap and crawled closer to him, cupping his face in her hands as she repetitively kissed his cheek, jaw, and finally his lips. Severus knew that she did this whenever she wanted him to do her bidding, therefore with a sigh he continued, "Gen, what do you need?"

"Another gross craving. You'll think it's gross anyways. You won't kiss me when I eat this one, but I'll simply _die_ if I don't get it," she stated theatrically. Snape rolled his eyes and turned his head to face her. He stole a quick kiss and Gen scrunched her nose. "Cantaloupe and mayonnaise."

"That's completely abhorrent. But if Baby Snape wants it, then I'll go get it for you." The word _abhorrent_ made her heart stop in her chest and she immediately withdrew her hands from his face and shrugged out of his touch. She crawled back over to the other end of the sofa. "Gen? Sweetheart, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, I'll get you your craving."

"No, no that's not it," she started softly as her vision blurred with tears. Severus raised a brow at her emotional reaction; with her hormones being all over the place, he was used to her getting upset over very small things. "Um, please never use that word. I don't want it in either of our vocabularies. Please, please never say it again."

Genevieve's speech was pressured as her eyes darted back and forth. Instinctively, Severus knew this wasn't a random pregnancy related trigger. This was something much larger. He watched her demeanor shift to a more panicked one: her chest rose and fell rapidly, she was trembling, and her cheeks were turning pink. This excluded the internal symptoms he could not see: rapid heart rate, nausea, and dizziness. They were telltale signs she would be having a panic attack. She had been having those a lot lately, but the trigger was typically surrounding motherhood. That had not been their topic of conversation.

"Okay, okay," Severus reassured as he reached his arms out for her. He tried to think of a way he could deescalate the situation before it progressed to needing Draught of Peace again, but the only thing he knew worked for her was deep pressure therapy – hugging her tight with the same pressure around her body. "Come here, pretty girl. Let me help."

The tears Genevieve had been fighting back were now streaming down her cheeks as she crawled into her partner's lap. Everything about this situation was confusing to Severus, but nevertheless he held onto her tightly as she completely unraveled. "I'm sorry," she sobbed. "I didn't mean to do it, Severus. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Oh my love, you didn't hurt me," he reassured as he pet the back of her head. "Can you talk to me? What's happening?"

Without any hesitation, Genevieve cried into his chest and sputtered, "He touched me. Gilderoy touched me."

Snape felt his chest tighten as he listened to her confession. His eyes drifted shut as the world became muffled and distant, her sobs becoming a background noise. He tried his best to prevent himself from dissociating, but hearing her so heartbroken and in pain made it difficult to remain grounded. As she gripped tightly onto his jacket, her nails dug painfully into his back. He used this sensation as a way of grounding himself which prevented one of his episodes. He had gotten progressively better at that with therapy.

Growing increasingly concerned with her emotional state, Severus tried to remain calm like Minerva had told him to be whenever she told him what happened. He continued, "When, my love?"

"In November, in my office, on my desk. I didn't mean to do it, Severus, I promise I didn't mean to."

It was more than confusing to hear her blame herself. She hadn't revealed much about the situation, but he knew for a fact that if she was this emotionally worked up over it, she had been averse to his touch for weeks on end, and refused to have sex, that meant it was not consensual. It did not help his anger as he pieced things together.

"You didn't do anything," he reassured. "Sweet girl, I promise this isn't your fault."

All of the crying induced tons of dizziness and nausea, but Genevieve could not stop the tears that streamed down her cheeks and wet his jacket. His heart practically broke. He wanted to know more details: how he touched her, what he said, how he treated her, all so that he could find out a proper way to murder the man. However, he did not pressure her to talk any more than she already was. She was already so worked up that he was letting her talk as much or as little as she wanted about the situation.

"He put his hand up my skirt, a-and I told him no, and no again, and then again and he kept doing it, he kept touching me," she whimpered, now gasping for air. He realized she was hyperventilating and he carefully slid his hand beneath her shirt to lightly scratch her back. She was sweating. "He squeezed my ribcage if I tried to move away, a-and he was fingering me and I remember thinking that I was a whore, t-that it was cheating on you, that I was tainted and you wouldn't want me."

"You're not tainted," Severus reassured sweetly. He switched to rubbing her back as he listened to her hiccup between sobs. He could not believe how brainwashed she was about this entire situation and was immensely concerned. It had been almost three months prior that this happened. He was certain she would have told Katie and addressed the cognitive distortion, but he didn't understand why it had not stuck with her. "That's not cheating – that's sexual assault. I promise I still want you, pretty girl. I'll always want you. I love you more than I love myself."

"Please don't ever use the word abhorrent again," Gen said as she started to even out her breathing. Her voice was raw and she sounded childlike. It caused his chest to ache. "He called my scars abhorrent and kept saying you didn't like them either."

"I promise I won't use that word anymore," he soothed. He continued rubbing her back until she was reduced to silent tears and quiet hiccuping. Her body eventually gave into his soft affections and went limp against him. "I won't let him touch you again, my love. Thank you for telling me."

Genevieve didn't respond but merely hid her face in his chest. Her exhaustion was apparent and eventually she succumbed to it and she had fallen asleep. Severus knew for a fact she needed to rest, and despite it being merely 7pm, he stood up and carried her to their bedroom. Her arms were limp over his shoulders as he carried her with her legs lazily around his waist. He couldn't even begin to fathom the pain of being touched like that and how exhausting it must have been carrying that around.

So many things started clicking in his head and all he wanted to do was take care of her: why she didn't like being fingered anymore, why she panicked when he touched her, why she was sensitive about her scars, and most alarmingly – why she had starved herself. He recognized that she had not only been physically violated, but she had been emotionally and mentally violated as well. He wanted to make it stop.

As he laid her head onto the pillow and rested her body along the mattress, he pressed a long kiss to her forehead and tucked her in. He had never heard her cry so hard for the entire time he had known her – student, colleague, and now partner – and it was numbing to him as well. He prayed to Merlin she had spoken to Katie about it so he knew she was safe. For now, in that moment, he was satisfied knowing she slept peacefully.


	29. PART TWENTY-NINE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: physical violence between students, toxic argument involving trauma response, allusion to rape

"Merlin, you look exactly like Levina, but with Johan's dark hair and eyes."

Turning around on her heels quickly, Genevieve's heart stopped in her chest at the unfamiliar low baritone voice that sounded through her otherwise quiet office. Her heart skipped a beat and lunged forward when she realized the man lingering in her doorway was Xenophilius Lovegood. She calmed down immensely when she met his blue eyes, almost certain she had seen them before. Perhaps, in that moment, he embodied Levina.

Xeno's hair was a stark white-blonde that fell just below his shoulders, heavily waved, and uncombed. It was an identical curl pattern and color to her mother's, and even then she saw those same characteristics in Luna Lovegood. There was only one difference she could note between this man and her student, and that was that Luna was doll-like in features. That had to be from her mother. What was most striking about this observation was that Levina fit perfectly into what seemed to be the standard characteristics of the Lovegood family. Genevieve was ignorant in not seeing that earlier.

"Xenophilius," Gen said as she tried to calm down her racing heart. She blinked a few times to properly register what was happening; she knew she would be meeting her one connection to her maternal lineage, but she felt incredibly dumb. As much time as she had given herself that morning to mull over what she wanted to say, she hadn't solidified anything. "It's nice to meet you. Sit down and make yourself comfortable. Would you like any tea?"

"No, I'm okay. Thank you," Xeno responded with a soft smile as he sat down on the sofa. Gen wiped her sweaty palms on her trousers as she sat beside him. Her thoughts were racing at this point and any minor preparation she had made left her brain completely. "What do you want to know about Levina?"

"My father is actually the person who told me I'm a Lovegood," she admitted as she tucked some of her dark hair behind her ear. She had it up that day due to the temperature dysregulation pregnancy symptom she had been experiencing which was completely burdensome. Her heart rate would not slow and it induced a dizzy spell, yet she tried to focus on her even breathing to calm herself down. Part of her hadn't realized she would be learning about her mother and not just the Lovegoods themselves. "Levina passed away close to six weeks ago now, and I didn't want to see her so he relayed the message. I don't know much else. How is she a Lovegood?"

"Levina was my older and only sister." Xenophilius's face was enough evidence for Gen to realize that her mother had kept almost all of her life a secret from her children. He was more surprised that Levina had even said anything to Johan. "She's eighteen years older than I am. You see, us Lovegoods are notorious for having children very young. Most wizarding families are, but we're more so."

"Merlin," she whispered as she furrowed her brows. She had acknowledged that Xeno was very young looking, therefore she was confused how her mother could have the same parents as this man. There was simply no way that any of this was true. It had to be some sort of joke that Johan was playing on her. Levina was born in 1945, Luuk was born in 1963, and she was born in 1970. Levina was eighteen when she had Luuk which meant that Xenophilius was the same age. "You're Luuk's age."

"I am," Xeno confirmed. He paused and pressed his lips together to gauge how exactly he wanted to talk about his sister and in that moment Genevieve realized how painful this conversation must be on him. She rested a soothing hand on his knee which startled him at first but he soon accepted it by resting his hand on top of hers.

"Your mother decided to separate herself from the Lovegoods because she was bitter and resented the fact she was a Squib born into a family of pureblood Ravenclaws. As a teenager, Levina was frantic, talked to walls, remained awake at odd hours, and she even disappeared for long periods of time. My parents didn't know how to cope with her because they were so young. They were seventeen when they had her."

"Levina had bipolar disorder," Genevieve stated. She licked her lips and crossed one of her legs over the other. "She experienced psychosis in almost all of her manic episodes. That's why she behaved like that."

"Pity," Xeno frowned. "Levina married Johan when she was seventeen. He was nineteen at the time, a few years out of Hogwarts. It was quite ironic given that Johan is a pureblood Slytherin and Levina hated all magical beings out of spite. The symptoms you're describing - the bipolar ones - they carried throughout their marriage to my knowledge. A year into their marriage, Luuk was born but it was disclosed only recently by your father that he was the product of an affair Levina had with a Muggle. Perhaps that was the mania, too."

"It certainly could have been," Gen ceded. She twirled some of the hair from her ponytail around her finger as she listened to her uncle tell her about her mother's upbringing. Everything about it felt inherently chaotic, complex, and confusing, but she acknowledged collectively that's who Levina was. She was not meant to be a mother and she was not meant to be held back as odd as it was that she had written her own Bible on the walls. "If you're Luuk's age, that must mean you graduated from Hogwarts in his class. Did you know him at all?"

"Not directly. Luuk was a very social little Hufflepuff and was often around too many people for my liking. It was overwhelming so I simply observed him from afar. I remember he was very intrigued by Transfigurations with McGonagall and tried to focus on that, but he also had a talent in healing magic. Like you do. That's a gift. There was one student outside of his circle that he spoke to in our earlier years - a Slytherin boy. Though I cannot quite remember his name. He was a rather odd individual; no friends, dark hair, quite lanky."

Immediately Genevieve knew he was talking about Severus but she didn't say anything in relation to that. It didn't really have any relevance, but it was nice for her to know that Luuk was kind to many other students including her current partner. It was reassuring that perhaps she had found the person she was supposed to spend the rest of her life with.

"If you're Luuk's age, that means you were quite young when you had Luna. What about her mother? Tell me more about the Lovegoods," she insisted though she hadn't realized how sensitive this topic would become, especially regarding Pandora.

"Luna's mother was named Pandora. She died when Luna was very, very little," he sighed. "We were eighteen when we had her. Again, Lovegoods become parents very, very young. Most wizarding families have children in their early twenties. I suppose we cannot wait."

Knowing that Genevieve was only seven years younger than him, he noticed that she was around the age most people would start having children. It was odd for her to try to acknowledge; at twenty-four, she didn't really think she should be having children this early.

Xeno's eyes drifted towards the hand that Genevieve had instinctively rested against her belly, though he did not make it obvious. He knew it would be rude to ask about it, therefore he sat there in silence while his niece mulled over the news of her aunt's death.

"I'm sorry about your loss," she responded. She felt her heart drop in her chest at the mention of Pandora. "I wouldn't have mentioned it if I knew."

"Believe me, it's alright," Xeno said with a half-smile. "It's odd to finally get to know you, however. Pandora and I knew you existed but I never saw photos. It's nice to know what's come of Levina and Johan, though it's interesting. We've never had a Gryffindor in the Lovegood family."

Attention piqued, Genevieve raised an eyebrow. There was absolutely no way he had picked up on that in conversation and she mentally scanned her office for any sign that was her House. "How did you know I'm a Gryffindor?"

What Xeno was about to say he acknowledged was very Ravenclaw of him. He was incredibly intuitive and observant. "It's obvious in the way you organize your office."

"What do you mean?"

Xenophilius pointed to her bookcase, particularly the shelf with all her academic related books. "Your method is chaotic but it's orderly. There's a pattern and a system that I can see and I guarantee it makes sense to you, but from an outside perspective it would be completely disorganized. That's inherently a Gryffindor thing to do: find a solution outside of the standard, a standard that would have been followed by a Ravenclaw. In terms of your books, the average person would think to organize them by author, title, or even area of study, but yours aren't and I guarantee you know which book belongs where. By contrast, Hufflepuffs are simply chaotic without any method while Slytherins are obsessively meticulous and plotting."

"How observant of you, Xenophilius," Gen said with a soft laugh. She glanced over at her bookcase and scanned the spines of all the books she had lined up. He was right. Her system was odd and it made no sense to anyone but herself. "My books are ordered by the frequency I read them. Ones on the left are taken out most often while ones on the right are less likely to. I know which books are where that way."

"It makes sense. The ones on the left are alchemy and healing magic." Xeno continued looking, his blue eyes slightly narrowed as he took in his surroundings. After a moment, he brought his gaze back to his niece and parted his lips to say something. However, he promptly shut it and took another moment to think. "Do you have relations with a Slytherin? It's clear one has tried to organize your office, intentionally or not."

Genevieve's heart skipped beats as she looked around her office. She was confused how he could notice upon entering her office for the first time that some things were out of her unusual order - she hadn't even noticed that yet.

"I do," she stated smoothly. "My partner is a Slytherin."

"He's attempted to organize," he responded. Gen blinked a few times and looked up towards the bookcase they had spoken about earlier, finally seeing that Severus had started sorting books back in _his_ method versus hers. When she was struggling, he often times grabbed her books and works from her office and while returning them he must have done it subconsciously. Or, like Xenophilius did at first, did not understand her method. "Some books are ordered by last name, but the vast majority are not. Perhaps he doesn't understand your method."

"I was away for a short time and he was often in here bringing me some of my work. He must've put things back using his method. He sorts by area of study and then by author in his office, so he must not have understood mine," she frowned.

"Is it intrusive of me if I ask about your life now?" Xenophilius asked. He seemed hesitant, almost afraid that Genevieve would act out in similar ways that Levina had at her age. While he did not know that she had the same diagnosis, he was wary. "Besides teaching Luna healing magic and all the little things I've heard from Johan over the years, I don't know much about you. Who is your partner?"

"Not intrusive at all," she said with a smile. She loved talking about Severus any chance that she could get and Xeno noticed how much her eyes dilated the moment he had asked. That was the same reaction he had when talking about Pandora. "Severus Snape is my partner."

"Ah! That's the boy," Xeno responded as his lifted his forefinger in acknowledgement. Genevieve furrowed her brows at his reaction. "That's the Slytherin that Luuk used to talk to."

"Oh, I knew that. Severus has talked to me about my brother before. Always helped him with Transfigurations and checked in on him. It was sweet," Gen said with a shrug. She rubbed a comforting circle on her belly. "We're expecting a baby, so Severus is excited."

"Congratulations," Xeno said with a soft smile. "That's wonderful to hear. How far along are you?"

"Only thirteen weeks, but to be honest it's already felt like an eternity," she sighed. She watched as Xenophilius's eyes darkened with an emotion she definitely could not name and took note of the way his brain appeared to be turning gears. "What?"

"Is he still socializing with the same groups he did as a student?" Xeno asked with a raised brow. Genevieve didn't know what he meant by that and simply furrowed her brows. To her knowledge, Severus did not have friends nor did he socialize with anyone besides Luuk after Lily had cut off ties.

"What do you mean the same groups? He told me he didn't have many friends during his Hogwarts years," Gen said with a slight frown. She watched Xeno take a deep breath and for a split second saw panic flicker in his eyes.

"Severus used to socialize with Death Eaters. He is one, to my knowledge."

* * *

Given her position at Hogwarts, Madam Pomfrey was always the healer on the scene during any fights that broke out amongst students usually paired with the Head of House of the students involved. However, this particular time she had been busy dealing with another student and therefore when a fight broke out amongst students in Slytherin House, Minerva McGonagall was the first person to see it happen. She had attempted to break it up, but being the relatively small woman she was, she simply couldn't. As a result, she ran to get Genevieve to perform healing magic on the injured students and then Severus because he was Head of Slytherin House. The three professors practically ran out into the courtyard where dozens of Slytherins had gathered in a circle around two fighting students. Genevieve's heart stopped in her chest upon the realization that the one being battered was Wren.

"Merlin have mercy on me," Genevieve sighed as she shoved her way through the crowd of rowdy students. Being as pregnant as she was, Severus was more than concerned with her safety and immediately followed her into the sea of children.

"You stupid girl, get back," he hissed without thinking as he shoved her out of the way and back towards Minerva. Genevieve's heart dropped to her stomach at the old insult he had hurled at her once again and her vision blurred with tears. Angry at him, she tried to help break up the fight but McGonagall held her back so that Severus could take care of it. However, as much as Severus yelled and tugged at the students, the boy kept throwing punches at Wren.

Perhaps it was her new mothering instincts that made her care for Wren as much as she did, or perhaps it was the soft spot she held for someone who was also apart of the queer community, but she wriggled out of Minerva's grasp just long enough to pull out her wand.

"Flipendo!" she practically screeched as she circled her hand over the group of students plus Severus. The entire group, including Severus, had been knocked back off their feet and away from each other by the Knockback Jinx. Everyone was disoriented as they tried to stand up from the grass, and in this short time Minerva and Genevieve took that time to assess the scene.

"Everyone back to their dormitories," McGonagall yelled as she started swatting the bystanders away. As she did so, Genevieve's immediate reaction to a cleared out area was to run over to where Wren was to assess their injuries.

"Oh, sweetheart," she sighed as she crouched down to where they were sitting in the grass. She tilted their chin up so that she could evaluate the extent of their injuries, only to note that tears were running down their cheeks and sobs were caught in their throat. Wren's nose was broken and bleeding, their lip was split, and it also appeared that their mouth was bleeding too. Summoning a cloth, she tenderly wiped away the blood and the tears. Out of the corner of her eye and to Genevieve's absolute horror, Severus was yanking the other boy to his feet by the back of his robe which tightened around his throat and made him gag.

"Severus, don't you fucking touch him," she snapped back. Part of her knew she was projecting what Xenophilius had disclosed to her about her partner and the other part of her was concerned for her students like she always was. Either way, she was incredibly irritated with Severus. "Get your hands off that boy."

Intimidated by the change in his partner's tone, Severus simply backed off. The other boy, Sean Mitchell, stood beside his Head of House rubbing his wrist and trying to wipe away the blood that mottled his fist. He also started to check for bruising which had started happening. Genevieve took that silent moment to carefully heal each and every one of Wren's injuries and tried to be as gentle and as soothing as she possibly could. She had tried to make it painless but Wren could not stop crying.

"You're okay, you're safe," she soothed as she finished healing their split lip. Without thinking, Wren hugged Gen tightly which she wasn't expecting but nevertheless she hugged them just as tight. She tenderly stroked the back of their head and whispered some soothing things to them but her eyes drifted up towards Minerva. Tears were blurring her vision. "Wren, I'm going to have Professor McGonagall take you back to your dormitory. I'll be in my office for about an hour before dinner in the Great Hall, so if you'd like to stop by and check in you can, okay?"

Wren nodded a few times and pulled back from Genevieve's warm embrace. They wiped their tears away frantically and stood up. She did the same but she kept a hand on her belly. Severus had tried to help her up but she swatted his hand away and glared at him. Not knowing what he had done, Severus grew immensely anxious.

"Come on, dear," Minerva said soothingly as she extended her arm out to Wren. "Let's get you situated inside. Do you want some tea? I have tea in my office we could grab before we go back to your dormitory."

Wren nodded and Gen watched as they made their way back into the castle. As they walked away, Genevieve came to the realization that she was left with two people she was absolutely livid with while she was cold and very much pregnant. She tried to rein in her anger but she could not. She was very vindictive when speaking to Sean.

"I don't know what possessed you to beat up a student in such a severe manner," Genevieve said coldly. She started evaluating Sean's injuries and realized he only had a sprained wrist and some minor bruising along his knuckles. He seethed as she touched them but truthfully she didn't care. "But you're absolutely pathetic and a damn coward."

Severus blinked at the interaction. He had never heard her like this before and she sounded inherently cruel. Whatever was going through her head - which he knew probably involved the insult he sputtered without thinking - that he was going to suffer the consequences once they were done.

"Isaac is a freak," Sean spit angrily. "He-"

"They," Genevieve correctly harshly as she finished healing his wrist. Her blood was boiling now and she resisted the urge to strangle this boy. " _Their_ name is _Wren_. Hogwarts has a very strict no violence policy which includes harassment against a student or staff for race, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, gender identity, and disability. This includes dead naming and misgendering students."

Moving on to Sean's knuckles, Genevieve turned to face her partner. "Severus, as Head of Slytherin House you better deal with this diligently and uphold a punishment to the severity of Sean's actions. This is not to be taken lightly and if you show a _sliver_ of empathy for this boy I swear to Merlin you won't hear the end of it."

* * *

"Please, princess, I didn't mean it," Severus pleaded. His voice was soft, almost childlike as he tried to reason with his partner. Genevieve was irritably making their bed with one of her hands rested on her belly as she adjusted the duvet. It was very clear that she was livid with him and he understood why, but he still did not like that she wasn't talking to him. She refused to acknowledge his pleas, her blood boiling from the previous actions earlier that day. "Please talk to me."

"No, you're sleeping on the sofa," Gen said harshly. She paused what she was doing to look up at Severus. Her eyes were darkened with anger, her brows furrowed, and her lip pressed together. Unfortunate to their situation, he had freshly moved into her quarters and therefore did not have his own space that Genevieve could banish him to in the event that they argued. Severus tried to reach out for her hand but she immediately pulled it back. "Don't touch me."

"I'm sorry," he reasoned. She never got this upset with him over any sort of insult that slipped out and therefore he assumed that this was more of a serious reason for her to be angry. "Please, princess. What can I do to make it up to you?"

"You can't. Not only did you call me a stupid girl which I have not heard come from your mouth in over a fucking year, you roughly handled a student," she snapped. "I don't care how inherently violent Sean was, that is not the kind of father I want around my baby. If you're going to get impulsive when you're upset to the point you're _choking_ the child, I don't think you're fit to be a father."

Severus blinked a few times, his vision blurring with tears. He was completely dumbfounded by her statement and his heart dropped to his stomach. He hadn't really realized he had done that until she pointed it out and that was scaring him. Anxiety creeped in that perhaps there were other things he had done that he simply didn't remember and he irrationally thought that he might have hurt Genevieve at one point.

"Gen, they were fighting," he cried, his tears streaming down his cheeks. "What did you expect me to do?"

"You _choked_ Sean!" she yelled as she put her hands on her hips. The increase in volume made Snape's extremities go completely numb and in that moment the world wasn't real and he was floating. "Do you know how easy it could have been to avoid that? It was _incredibly_ abusive of you to grab him the way you did."

"I'm sorry," he whimpered as he tried to reach out for her again. Fuming, Genevieve continued to swat him away which only made his abandonment issues worse. He was getting worked up and she could see that he would be having a panic attack, but she reasoned he brought this on himself. "I didn't mean to do it, I promise I didn't. Please don't make me sleep on the sofa I can't do it. Please. Please can we not fight about this before we go to bed? I don't like it when we go to sleep angry. Please Gen."

"I'm beyond angry, Severus," she said. Her voice cracked and immediately hushed as tears slipped from her eyes. After snapping, she seemed to calm down a bit, but it was clear that she didn't want to be in the same room as him. "I'm hurt and I'm scared. I seriously can't believe you right now. Please sleep on the sofa tonight and we'll talk in the morning."

Genevieve took a few deep breaths and wiped her eyes, watching as her partner gave in to her demand and gathered a few blankets to sleep on the sofa with. He wiped away the tears roughly, almost annoyed at himself for crying and reacting the way he was. He couldn't be crying. She was right; there were better ways to go about what happened.

"I love you," he croaked as he stood in the doorway. Genevieve didn't turn around to face him as she started hugging herself. "Please know that I love you."

Gen's eyes drifted shut as she took in what he said. The conversation she had with her uncle sat painfully in the back of her head and for the first time in the entire time they had been together she questioned whether he meant saying those three words. If Xenophilius was right, if Severus was a Death Eater, that would change absolutely everything.

"I love you too," she whispered. "But I don't like you right now."

Knowing that was a reasonable response to his actions, Severus made his way to the common room without another word. He felt completely numb.

Climbing into the bed, Genevieve snapped her fingers to turn off the light and pulled the duvet over her shoulders. She was perpetually numbed by what had happened that day for various reasons and she could not shake the feeling of impending doom that sat uncomfortably and suffocatingly on her chest. She was terrified that Severus was a Death Eater and if that was true she didn't know what would happen with their baby. She had assumed that Baby Snape would not have a broken home and that for once in her otherwise painful life that she would be happy with Severus. Perhaps that was too naive of her to think life would be fair to her now that Levina was dead.

Genevieve had found a new way of soothing herself over the last week. In her head, her top priority was her baby. Everything was to keep her safe and in a way Baby Snape was also keeping her safe. She rubbed little circles on her belly as a form of comfort which made her feel more connected to her baby as well as increase the love she already held for her. The way she had gotten herself to sleep that night was by thinking about meeting her baby and of fantasizing the rest of her life making sure nothing would ever hurt her. Genevieve wondered if, in part, that included guarding her from Severus.

Sleeping on the sofa was Snape's least favorite thing to do after a fight, particularly because he knew the circumstances of their fight were most severe. Typically, if they fought, she would sleep on the opposite side of the bed with her back turned to him and he knew if she made him sleep on the sofa that she was more than livid with him. It was fair of her to force him out, though. Reflecting on his behaviors, Severus knew he had been abusive towards Sean and it made him fear that he would be repeating his father's abusive behavior with his child. That elicited a panic in him so severe that that night that he could not sleep. Instead, he sat upright on the sofa and thought intensively about his childhood. It left him completely dissociated with an ache in his chest. Part of him knew he wouldn't be a good dad, but he also knew he didn't want to abandon his baby.

Severus had not noticed the time until the morning sun had started rising over that side of the Hogwarts castle. He wiped the remainder of his tears away as the light started shining through the translucent curtains of their common room. He wanted to remain where he was and to mull over his abusive childhood some more, to pick apart all his parents' behaviors, and to decide how he wanted to parent, but he knew that his partner would be waking up soon. She was an early riser after all, so instead he decided to take a shower and make her breakfast like he had been doing lately.

As he had been doing for the last week, Severus settled on making Genevieve her oatmeal with fruit and her chamomile tea which had been deemed safe as her nausea began relenting now that she was in her second trimester. He did it without thinking since it had become routine, but still he thought about his dad. He resented Tobias Snape and he hoped Baby Snape wouldn't resent him. Severus was only drawn from his thoughts when he realized that Gen was standing in the doorway.

"I'm sorry," Genevieve said softly. "I didn't mean to say those things last night. I should have been nicer and more considerate of how you were feeling and reacting."

"You don't need to be sorry," Severus mumbled as he put her food down on the table. He kissed the top of her head gently and she closed her eyes as a few tears slipped from her eyes. "You were right about everything."

"No, you're going to be an amazing dad," she insisted. She tried to ignore the fear that Xeno had instilled in her by rationalizing Snape's behaviors were probably the least like the Death Eaters she had witnessed and perhaps he had confused him with another boy. "You just need to rein in your temper. I can look past you calling me stupid."

"It affected you," he said as he turned to set her chamomile tea down beside her food. He ran a tired hand over his face and took a deep breath. "I saw the look on your face as soon as it flew out of my mouth. I didn't mean to say it, I'm sorry."

"Thank you for apologizing," she said as she approached him. He flinched at how quick she moved, still being sensitive to all the trauma he mulled over the entire night, and Genevieve read into his body language to slow down. She cupped his face in her hands and stroked his cheeks sweetly. "My love, you haven't slept, have you? You look exhausted."

Severus leaned into her soft touch and sighed. "I had a lot on my mind. I'll take a nap later, it's okay. For now I have my coffee."

"It's not okay," she frowned as she pushed his dark hair out of his face. She stood on her toes to give him a kiss which he returned without any hesitation. He was desperate for affection after she had pushed him away last night. "What were you thinking about, darling?"

"My father," he said with a sarcastic laugh as a few tears slipped from his eyes. He blinked back the remainder of his tears but Gen wiped his cheeks tenderly with her thumbs. She noticed how incredibly hurt he seemed and she suddenly felt guilty with how she had pushed him away, but like Katie had told her, couples fight and healthy couples talk about it, learn from it, and move on. That's what Genevieve wanted to do here. "I don't want to be like him."

"You won't be, I promise," she whispered as she kissed him again, this time pulling him down to kiss her versus her standing on her toes. Severus returned it with the same amount of intent and his arms rested around her waist. When they broke the kiss, he peppered soft kisses just along her jaw and she hummed into the affection. "How about we phone your therapist? Maybe Penny can help you sort through some of those feelings about fatherhood and we can talk about them."

As she spoke, Genevieve grabbed her partners hands and rested both of them along her belly, a soft smile spreading across her tired features when he rubbed soft circles into her continuously itchy skin. "I'll phone Penny," he ceded as he pressed one last kiss to her pulse. "But I do still want to talk to you about last night and how you reacted after you've eaten breakfast. We need to get some food into you, pretty girl. Baby Snape needs to eat, too."

"Baby Snape is a parasitic demon that does nothing but eat," she frowned as Severus helped her sit at the table. Genevieve picked up the spoon she was given and pushed her food around a bit, not really interested in what was put in front of her and too anxious to begin eating.

"She is growing," Severus countered as he observed her behavior. She was tense and she looked completely disengaged with her breakfast. "You need to eat something and so does she. Do you want something else to eat?"

"No, oatmeal is fine. It's just getting harder to eat," Gen mumbled as she spooned some of her oatmeal along with one of the blueberries he had placed on top with honey. She stared at it for a moment. "I keep thinking about what Gilderoy did to me and what he said about my body. Now that my body is changing from being pregnant, it's triggering. I keep wanting to skip meals to be small again."

"You don't need to be smaller," Severus responded sweetly as he rubbed her back and kissed the side of her head. "You need to be gaining weight with your pregnancy. That's how it works. How can I make it easier? Is there something I could do to make eating less daunting for you?"

Without any hesitation, Genevieve met her partner's eyes. Snape noticed the tears that were welling in her eyes and sighed as he cupped her face in his hands.

"Can you sit and eat with me?" she asked softly. Her voice was small and broken. "And sit next to me?"

"Of course I can," he responded as he made himself some oatmeal as well. Doing as she asked, Severus sat beside his partner with a bowl of oatmeal and starting eating. Gen hesitated, but eventually she took a bite. Severus kept a hand on her thigh and rubbed little circles encouragingly which he found helped her eat a little bit, but he could see she was still very anxious in doing so. As she grabbed his hand in hers, he took note that her body was tense and her palms were sweaty. When she finished her breakfast, she had tears sliding down her face which broke his heart. He wanted more than anything to take that pain away from her.

"I'm so proud of you, princess," he whispered as he kissed just behind her ear. "It's Saturday, let's lay down for a while to make you feel a little better. How do back scratches sound?"

* * *

Despite all the dark events that had been happening around the castle, it had never really dawned on Genevieve that one of these events would directly affect her. She had heard about the petrification of other students, but she was surprised and terrified when she got notice that Hermione Granger had been petrified. The young Gryffindor spent ample time in her office especially when her anxiety was suffocating; she was quite the young witch. Therefore, she had never run towards the hospital wing so fast in her entire life.

"Oh my Merlin," Genevieve sighed as she sat down on the bed where Hermione's petrified body laid. Her dark skin had paled to a grayish tone which made Gen's heart rate pick up. She knew through healing magic that this was an easy fix but she could not help but panic. She had been embracing her new mother instincts and it had made her an emotional mess when it came to sensitive students. "Please tell me your mandrakes are perfect right now, Pomona."

"I promise you Genevieve, they will suffice in making the Draught," Sprout reassured her colleague with a soft hand rested on her shoulder. "Severus, why don't you take her to sit down with some water while Madam Pomfrey and I work on her?"

Completely forgetting that her partner was there, she turned her head to face him but immediately shrugged out of the hand that he had set on her other shoulder. "I don't need water," she insisted. "Please don't touch me, Severus."

"She's not dead, Gen," Severus said softly. He pressed his hand to his thigh awkwardly, not really knowing how to comfort his partner. She usually was more than willing to accept his affections while stressed when the reason for her stress was not him, therefore he simply sighed and stood back. "Let's at least go take a walk to calm yourself down, darling. Miss Granger will be perfectly okay. Pomona is amazing at what she does."

"I'll go for a walk, but I don't want company. Please give me some space," she mumbled as she wiped tears away. It took her a moment to finally stand, but once she had, she made her way back to the corridor to take deep breaths. Despite the overwhelming amount of concern he held for his partner, Severus let her go. She was more than devoted to her students and with Wren being assaulted for their gender identity and now her mentee being petrified by whatever creature lurked in the Chamber of Secrets, she was incredibly overwhelmed with hormones and emotions she didn't quite understand. It worried him.

As Gen rounded the corner towards her quarters, tears blurred her vision completely. She was overwhelmed with more thoughts than she would have liked to acknowledge in that moment. She knew she should have focused on calming herself down from witnessing Hermione in that state, but she couldn't stop her mind from wandering elsewhere. She felt herself breaking down, however, she knew she was still euthymic and made a mental note to phone Katie and talk to Severus about it to keep their communication healthy. She wanted more than anything to remain healthy with him. She loved him more than anything except for her baby. She would always be most important.

"There you are," Lockhart purred as he leaned against the wall. Genevieve felt her heart completely stop in her chest and she scrambled to the door of her quarters as preparation to hide if this conversation went south. She knew, however, that she needed to remain professional with him. Perhaps this would be about their courses, but instinctively she knew it wasn't. Regardless, she was frozen where she stood.

"I'm not really in the mood right now, Gilderoy. Another student has been petrified so I would appreciate it if you could just leave me alone today. You can harass me tomorrow, I don't care, but right now I don't want to be around you," she asserted but immediately knew that was not the correct thing to say in this situation.

Genevieve watched with wide eyes as he approached her and forcibly shoved her against the wall. She gasped as her back met the cold stone wall of the castle and she felt her stomach drop, but as scared as she was she shoved back at him. Gilderoy didn't relent but instead pinned her wrists by her side and leaned in to her ear.

"I'm tired of your little fucking attitude, you know that? For the entirety of term, you've consistently degraded my writing, my wealth, my methods of teaching, and you've even gone as far to say that I've harassed you? Did you think Dumbledore would say nothing? Oh darling, you wanted it. You were so wet for me, don't you remember? Can we get you like that again?"

Tears were streaming down Gen's cheeks as she writhed against his restraints, but he simply tightened his hold on her. She whimpered at the additional pressure and grew nauseous when he started kissing along her neck. "Please let me go, I'm sorry I did those things. I don't want this, I don't want you to touch me."

"It's too late for apologies, you little bitch," he sneered. He shoved her towards her quarters and Genevieve took that moment of being free from his touch to bolt but Lockhart was much too quick and lunged to grab her waist, hauling her closer to him. She kicked and flailed to get away, her silent tears progressing to audible sobs. "Where do you think you're going, hm? The fun hasn't even started yet."

"Gilderoy, stop," she sobbed, but she knew her pleas were useless the moment he pushed her into her quarters, locked the door, and used a silencing charm on the perimeter of her quarters. Her heart stopped in her chest; she knew what was going to happen and she knew now she could not prevent it. "I'll do anything you want, I promise. Please don't hurt my baby."

"Your baby? Who gives a damn about your baby?" he snapped as he grabbed her wrists once again, pulling her closer to him. He kissed her roughly, and she squirmed away from his odd, wet lips using all the strength she could muster. As hard as she tried to pull away from him, he wouldn't relent. He was much stronger than her and she had not brought her wand with her.

Fear pulsed through her veins as he dragged her into the common room and shoved her back against the bookcase. She gasped as her back hit the hard wood, certain it would bruise, and fell to the floor just as glass knickknacks, art pieces, family photos, and organized books fell beside her. She felt searing pain in her palms only to acknowledge she had fallen onto broken glass.

"Please," she continued through tears. She looked up at him and tried to crawl backwards as he advanced towards her, one hand on her belly. "I'm sorry, Gilderoy. Please."

"Shut up," Gilderoy hissed as he slapped her across her face. Just as fear had flickered in her eyes, she scrambled to her feet and lunged at him, now beyond angry that he would try to do something like this to her. He countered her behavior by grabbing her forearms and Gen realized that was probably the worst idea she's ever had. "You little whore, what do you think you're doing?"

Lockhart shoved her onto the floor in an odd way, making Gen fall forward and hit the ground relatively hard. Her vision was blurred with tears as she tried to reorient herself, but out of the corner of her eye she saw his leg come towards her. She instinctively cradled her stomach and went into a fetal position to protect herself and the baby from the repetitive blows of his heavy shoes. The retaliation was enough to make her completely give up. She was hopeless.

"That's what I fucking thought," he hissed as he leaned down to see her. He yanked her dark hair back so that he was looking into her eyes and she swore for a moment this man was the devil himself. As she tried to regulate her breathing, she finally noticed his erection and she started hyperventilating harder. "Stop acting like a fucking brat. Admit it, you want me. You always have. Playing hard to get..."

The sound of him clicking his tongue was now a muffled background noise as he forced her to stand by pulling on her hair. Lockhart shoved her body towards the sofa, repetitively pushing on her to get her in the position that he wanted so he could remove her trousers. Her heart stopped in her chest as the familiar sound of a belt buckle unfastening echoed throughout the otherwise quiet room.


	30. PART THIRTY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: depiction of rape, miscarriage, hospital setting, murder

As soon as Gilderoy's calloused hands wrapped around her throat, reality was not a coherent concept to Genevieve. His hands felt like sandpaper which completely contrasted the soft skin of her partner. She kept repeating the way Severus said he loved her over and over in her head until it was over, but it felt like it was never ending. Mental hyperfixation on the love of her life only made this all the more painful.

Perhaps, Genevieve thought, she deserved it. If she hadn't been so vindictive with him or if she had been nicer to him then he wouldn't have done this to her. She knew it was not a rational or healthy way of going about this situation since she had worked through this type of issues before with Katie, but she could not help herself from thinking it. In her heart, she felt like this was her fault.

Though she did not believe in a god or practice any particular religion, in that moment Genevieve hoped there was something, anything out there that would take away the searing pain that radiated all over her body. Whether it be Merlin or another lord, she hoped they would make it stop. However, at the same time, she doubted there were any higher entity. They would have to be sadistic to subject Genevieve to this torture.

She had given up on fighting back and instead laid there unmoving and accepting that she was being raped. She felt powerless; her chest felt hollow and her thoughts were focused on Severus and their unborn child. Tears slipped down either side of her face and her eyes were screwed shut as he ruthlessly pounded into her, his grunts and moans muffled as she detached herself from her body. Her hips hurt, her throat burned, and the lack of oxygen started making everything fuzzy. She fought to remain awake for Severus, for Baby Snape, for Minerva, for Johan, but more than anything she wanted to go to sleep. She was so tired.

"Fuck," Lockhart moaned as he shoved her legs up, forcing her to keep her thighs spread. Lost in her own thoughts and being dissociated from her body, Genevieve didn't respond with any sort of indication that this was pleasurable for her. Frustrated by how silent she was, Gilderoy slapped her hard, causing his chunky rings to cut her lip and her cheek to sting, and then did it in the opposite direction. Suppressing sobs, tears streamed down her cheeks faster, but the way her face turned a delicious shade of pink was enough to drive him over the edge. He only released her throat as he came, gripping tightly onto her hips.

Once he was completely spent, Lockhart spit on her chest and pulled his trousers back up. Genevieve could not move and simply stared at the ceiling with her limbs heavy and emotions numbed. "You little whore, perhaps that will teach you to watch who you fucking talk to."

Eyes drifting shut once again, she remained absolutely silent and still until she heard the click of the front door closing. As she sat up from the sofa, she realized how incredibly sore her body was. It only worsened as she stood up and coughed in a lame attempt to bring oxygen back into her body. She stumbled to the washroom because she was so disoriented, but when she saw what she looked like in the mirror she began hyperventilating. It had finally registered in her head what had happened.

Panic consumed the sobbing woman as tears once again streamed down her cheeks. She was overcome with obsessive thoughts that she was dirty, that she was tainted, and that she needed to be cleaned. In a first attempt to make this feeling go away, Genevieve sat on the toilet and shoved her fingers inside of her to attempt to scoop out all of his cum. The searing pain returned and she sobbed harder, her chest tightened and breathing difficult as she repeating the process and wiping everything away until she was certain that she had gotten all of it.

After some deep breathing, Genevieve mustered the courage to stand up in the mirror to look at herself again. She shed the remaining layers that she was wearing to investigate what she looked like. Her heart shattered. The woman in her reflection had a split lip, a bloody nose, and had dark bruises forming around her throat, wrists, and hips. There was absolutely no light in her eyes. That was not Genevieve de Keyser.

Completely naked, Genevieve turned around and looked around her quarters for her wand. She was certain she did not have it when Lockhart entered her home, therefore it must have been somewhere he could not have seen it. She knew he would have taken it otherwise. She frantically looked through the mess and grew anxious when she couldn't find it. Her mind was so fogged that she had forgotten the summoning spell existed, but when she remembered and used it, a moment of calm washed over her. She took her wand back to the washroom where she healed all of her wounds before she dug through one of the cabinets for the small container of bruise healing paste she kept there. There was absolutely no way she would leave any evidence of this happening.

Once her wounds were healed, Genevieve began the meticulous process of cleaning and reorganizing her quarters so that it looked the way Severus had seen it that morning when they parted ways for work. She used a spell to clean up the broken glass, reorganize her knickknacks, and organize her books. She walked around her quarters to investigate any other messes when she realized all the fluids that were on the sofa. Her breathing hitched and she used one last spell to clean that up before she walked back to the washroom. She didn't want to think about it anymore.

If Genevieve had ever felt tainted or dirty before from the original assault, that was extremely minuscule compared to how impure and broken she felt in that moment. When the hour had passed that the bruise healing paste required to work, she started running herself a scorching bath. The water burned, however she continued to scrub her skin until it was raw from the heat and the friction and washed her hair three times in order to feel clean. However, this was still not enough for her, so she sat in the tub rubbing her belly until the water had run cold.

"Gen?" Severus called out into the otherwise dark home they shared. Panic surged through Genevieve and she frantically stood from the bath to dry herself off and wrap her robe around her trembling body. She started draining the bath and stepped out into the common area where her partner stood. He immediately noticed the exhaustion written in her features and his heart skipped a beat. "Are you okay?"

"I know it's really early but can we go to bed?" she asked softly. Her voice was hushed and cracked mid-sentence. That was an immediate red flag for Snape and he stepped forward to comfort her but her eyes widened and she jumped. It was much too quick of a movement for her liking, but she calmed down when she realized all he was doing was make sure she was okay. "I have a migraine and I really would just like it if you held me."

"Okay, my love," he ceded sweetly. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and then her cheek, which Genevieve closed her eyes and leaned into. The smell of his cologne completely soothed her and she knew in that moment she was safe. "I'm going to draw the curtains and get you some water and anti-nausea potion. Go put some warm clothes on and we can lay down and I'll rub your back."

Severus pressed one last kiss to her forehead before she went to change. As she stepped through the door, she realized in that moment that their bedroom was the only room in their quarters that didn't feel tainted for her. It was comforting. Instead of going through her own, Genevieve went through her partner's closet to find something that was warm and smelled like him. She settled on one of his winter sweaters with a pair of her sweatpants and climbed beneath the thick duvet without doing any of her hair or skincare. She simply didn't have the energy. She was trembling from the cold and buried her face into the pillow, taking in the smell of her partner as she tried to forget what had happened to her. Tears welled in her eyes.

As promised, Severus returned to their bedroom with a glass of water and a flask of anti-nausea potion. The sound of the door opening elicited a faster heart rate in the young witch but she reassured herself it was just her partner. He placed the two items on her bedside and sat by her legs, resting one of his hands on her lower back. It startled her and Snape furrowed his brows at the realization that she was scared. He took note of her tears.

"Oh, my sweet," he soothed softly as he rubbed her back. "Do you need anything else from me?"

"Please cuddle with me," she said brokenly. Severus didn't hesitate and laid next to her. He wiped her tears away tenderly as she crawled into his arms. Genevieve was once again soothed by the smell of his cologne and she repetitively reminded herself that she was safe, that Baby Snape was safe, and that Severus would love and protect her. If only she had the courage to tell him.

Their communication skills had improved drastically since she came home again from the hospital and by extension their trust had also strengthened. Despite their tiny arguments these past few weeks about parenting things, they always talked about it amicably afterwards and changed their behaviors to avoid it happening again. Therefore, disclosing that she had been raped should have been easier this time around, but for some reason it was the hardest thing she could think to tell Severus.

"Please never leave me," she pleaded weakly.

"I'm not going anywhere," Severus reassured as he kissed the top of her head.

"I just need you to hold me for a little while," Genevieve murmured into his chest. He pressed his lips together and stroked her wet hair sweetly. This behavior was identical to how she was when she wasn't feeling well; it was most particular to her first trimester which could not be cured with common potions like the flu or a cold could be. She was incredibly needy.

"I'll remain here for as long as you need me," he whispered but he was taken off guard when she pulled him tighter against her and her breathing quickened. He blinked perplexedly. "What's happening, Gen?"

"Today was just a really, really bad day," she sniffled. "I'm really anxious, Sev, and I don't know why. I feel like the world is caving in."

"I know it's hard, my darling," he soothed. "You're allowed to feel these emotions, but just know your thoughts are irrational, that you are safe, you are loved, and that I have you."

"I love you so much," she cried into his chest. Severus rubbed her back sweetly. Something in his gut told him that this was off and that this wasn't her common, frequent anxiety.

"I love you too," Severus whispered. "Hermione is okay. I thought you would like to know."

"Thank you," she mumbled weakly. The two remained quiet for a little while as Severus slid his hand beneath her sweater and lightly scratched her back. Genevieve rubbed her belly gently and in that moment she felt safe. She knew Severus would never let anyone touch her while she was with him.

After a while of silence, Severus took a deep breath. "What would you like for dinner tonight? Does Baby Snape want anything specific or are you willing to eat whatever we have in the fridge? Or we could go to the Great Hall, I'm sure Minerva would love to see you."

"I'm really not that hungry. I just want to go to sleep," Genevieve murmured. She moved her head so that her nose was buried in the crook of his neck, sighing into his warmth. Severus realized how freezing she was and started rubbing her arms in an attempt to warm her up. "I know it's really early, but today really is not a good day, Severus. Can we please stay in bed?"

"My darling, it's merely 6pm," he frowned. This sort of behavior was starting to stray from her sickness behavior and anxious behavior and more towards depressive behaviors. He took a deep breath. "You're worrying me. Can we phone Katie? I need you to get up and eat something, Gen."

"I'm not hungry. I'll phone Katie in the morning. Please, Severus, I just need you to lay with me and rub my back," she reasoned. "Tell me you love me, please."

"I love you more than anything, princess," he reassured gently. "But I really think you need to eat something."

"No," she asserted. Her voice cracked and she started hyperventilating again, which confused the absolute hell out of him, but he caved and let her turn over to rub her back. He furrowed his brows at the way she tensed but eventually she relaxed and succumbed to the soft touch of her partner's warm hands along her skin. It immediately calmed her down.

Despite Snape's wishes, it didn't take long for Genevieve to fall asleep and with good reason. She was exhausted from the events earlier that evening and the sweet way Severus had always treated her put her to sleep like it usually did. He made her feel safe and in that moment that was all she really needed in order to completely relax. Severus spent a couple minutes kissing her shoulders and stroking her dark hair before he got up to make her something to eat. He hoped that she woke up before the morning so that he could take care of her and Baby Snape. He sighed at the sight of the flask still full of the anti-migraine potion before he walked back to the kitchen.

* * *

Genevieve woke up with slight cramping which didn't worry her; it wasn't an odd occurrence. When she expressed concern to her doctor, she had reassured her that it was normal to feel cramping - there was something called round ligament pain that happened as her uterus expanded for her baby. Usually when she woke up with it, she simply crawled back into Severus's warm embrace and took a deep breath to get through it. He was used to it because of how frequently it was happening so he just pulled her closer and the pair drifted back to sleep immediately.

Around 6am, Genevieve started getting cramping but it was hurting a lot more so she pulled out of her partner's arms and swung her legs over the side of the bed to sit up. She inhaled sharply as she rested a hand on her belly - she knew something was wrong. As she stood up, she felt something warm between her legs and immediately she went to the washroom to check. She tucked the lights on and saw the blood that soaked her sweatpants. Her heart stopped in her chest and she stumbled back against the wall. That certainly was not the normal spotting she was used to and fear struck her heart.

"Severus," she cried out weakly. He didn't respond right away, and with her mind now racing of what was happening to her baby, she tried again much louder. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and she was more worked up. "Severus!"

Hearing his name from his partner's mouth, Severus jolted awake and looked around their bedroom. He realized she was not in bed and upon further evaluation of the room he realized that there was blood on their sheets. He stood up frantically and ran towards the washroom, still slightly disoriented. He noticed that she was hyperventilating and the extent of her bleeding.

"This isn't normal," she sobbed as she held her belly. Snape's chest tightened at the sound of her crying but he was so stunned by what was happening and from being half asleep that he didn't know how to properly react. "I don't know what to do, Severus. I can't lose her. I can't lose her."

"We don't know if that's what's happening," Severus attempted to soothe. He reached his arms out to try and calm her down but she swatted him away and stepped back. Instinctively, he knew this was off. They both did. "Let's go see Madam Pomfrey and we can have her-"

"No, I want a Muggle doctor," she demanded as she grabbed towels. "Fuck magic. I want a Muggle doctor with _modern medicine_."

"Okay, okay," Snape reassured as he ran his fingers through his hair. He took a minute to think about what he wanted her to do but he knew time was incredibly important here. "I'll grab some towels and clean sweatpants, you go get your jacket and your shoes. We'll apparate to the Amsterdam hospital to have you and our baby looked at."

"I can't lose my baby," she repeated as she ran to find her jacket. Severus grabbed her a pair of clean clothes and shoved them into a bag while she did so, and then he grabbed their wands. He waved his to put his shoes and cloak on in order to save time as they walked towards their front door. Genevieve would not stop sobbing and it was overwhelming for Severus, but he knew he needed to remain strong for her. She looked absolutely terrified. He had never seen her so distraught.

Severus ended up carrying Genevieve all the way to the perimeter of the Hogwarts grounds. She felt like she couldn't breathe; her chest was heavy, she was nauseous, and the cramping was getting worse. He didn't hesitate to initiate apparition but the landing made Genevieve feel worse. He carried her the entire way to lessen the stress on her.

When the couple reached the Amsterdam hospital, Severus demanded that she be looked at. It was not hard for him to be stern, loud, and a bit aggressive, and he continued to speak until someone took her from his arms. Genevieve's sobbing had gotten louder if it were possible as they laid her down on a stretcher. The trauma response team that started working on her only spoke Dutch, so everything that was going on was very hard for Severus to keep up with. He mentally kicked himself for not brushing up on his translation charms or even attempting to learn the language to provide another bridge of communication with his partner. But because Genevieve was under so much stress, she switched to Dutch without thinking about it. She was so focused on making sure that her baby was okay that she forgot Severus only spoke English and some Latin.

"Gen, I don't know what they're saying. What are they saying?" Severus pleaded. His voice was frantic now as he tried to figure out what they were saying or trying to remember a translation charm that he could try. Genevieve was in such hysterics now that it triggered a panic attack and they had to sedate her in order to talk about what was happening. "I don't know what's going on, so I'm phoning your father."

If not smart enough to memorize and practice translation charms, Severus had been smart enough to memorize some important phone numbers for emergency purposes the farther she progressed into her pregnancy. One of them was Johan's. He used one of the phones at the nurse's station to phone him and briefly explain the situation. Within minutes, the older wizard had apparated from his home in Hogsmeade to the Amsterdam hospital he unfortunately frequented often because of his daughter. He met up with Severus before he walked to the room where Genevieve was sedated and resting in a bed now.

"Merlin," Johan sighed as he stood in the doorway. Calmer now, Genevieve was reduced to silent tears and sniffling as a doctor started pressing into her stomach. She had her arms over her head and winced a few times. Upon seeing her father, she immediately starting conversing with him in Dutch to explain what the doctors were doing. This was absolutely frustrating to Severus, but knowing he could not understand it, Johan turned and explained what was going on in English.

"They're examining her physically now so we're going to step outside so they can do that. Afterwards, they're bringing in a doctor to give her an ultrasound," Johan said as he crossed his arms over his chest. He pressed his lips together. "She's extremely unhinged and she flinches whenever male doctors or nurses attend to her. Do you think it would be wise to request female doctors and nurses given that she has been sexually assaulted and her wounds are fresh?"

Confused on when Genevieve had told her father, Severus furrowed his brows but he nodded at the question. "Yes, that would be incredibly smart. She needs to calm down and I don't think she's going to do that around men."

"I'll go talk to some people," Johan said as he stepped out of the room.

Upon seeing her partner, Genevieve took a deep breath and held her arms out for him. Her cheeks were pink from crying and exhaustion was glossed over her eyes. Severus didn't hesitate to sit next to her and he stroked the side of her face tenderly, wiping away tears with his thumb as he did.

"I'm sorry," she whispered as she grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "Thank you for calling my dad, mijn schatje."

"Of course," he murmured back as he kissed her forehead. She was sweaty from the anxiety and Severus tried his absolute best to soothe her, but seeing her in such a vulnerable state was painful for him to watch and ultimately exhausting. He knew when she was done here and he could situate her back home in their bed that he would be calling Penny for a therapy appointment. He couldn't take this emotionally.

Sitting between her legs, a female nurse came over and gently tapped Genevieve's feet. Startled, Gen took a deep breath and looked in her direction, only calming down when she saw the kind looking woman in muted green scrubs.

"Hallo," she said. Gen acknowledged that the nurse only spoke Dutch and immediately switched over to her native tongue without really thinking about it. Severus sat there and blinked perplexedly but sort of got the gist of what they said when the nurse laid a blanket over her lower half and started a physical examination.

"I want to go home," she whimpered as she laid back down against the bed and turned her head back to her partner. Severus never stopped providing affections, this time stroking her jaw with his thumb. "I want to be in our bed. It's cold here."

"We'll go home soon," Severus reassured. He offered a soft smile to her to try and show that they shouldn't be worrying about what was happening, but he knew they would be here a while. The situation was more than arduous for it to just be a simple bleed. Genevieve winced with the examination and reached to squeeze her partner's hands. He didn't hesitate to squeeze hers back.

"Okay," the nurse said as she sat back up and took her gloves off. She wrote some things down in her chart and stepped back. Genevieve asked some questions in Dutch which the nurse responded to, but this was not something she turned to clarify in English for him. It caused Snape's heart rate to skyrocket.

Stepping into the room now was a warm, middle aged woman in a white coat and dark green scrubs wheeling in an ultrasound. She turned the machine on and put some gloves on as she sat down beside her for a moment.

"Hi Genevieve, my name is Dr. Coenen," the doctor said gently. Severus praised Merlin for one doctor who spoke English. "I heard you have bleeding and cramping. Your physical examination didn't show any abnormalities of your cervix, so we're going to do an ultrasound to see what's going on, okay? It's going to be cold, but I know you're already aware. Can you lift up your sweater for me?"

Genevieve did as she was told and closed her eyes, bracing herself for the cold gel that was applied to her abdomen. She reached for her partner's hands again and gripped them tightly, digging her nails into the backs of his hands. Dr. Coenen used the wand to look around at the baby but she moved the monitor out of their view after a few seconds. Snape's stomach dropped and Genevieve's tears started rolling down her face again. They both knew that this was not a good sign.

"I'm sorry, Genevieve," she said gently. Genevieve was suppressing sobs at this point and Severus felt tears well in his eyes as well. "I don't see any movement nor do I hear a heartbeat. Because you were fourteen weeks and your water hasn't broken, we're going to induce labor with an oxytocin IV drip and we'll give you some Oxycontin for the pain so you can deliver as painlessly as possible. I know it's a lot on you right now but you're already bleeding so this is your best option. It's less invasive than surgery with fewer risks."

"Okay, dank je," Genevieve sighed as she wiped her eyes.

The doctor reached for a hospital gown in the cabinet and laid it on the bed for her. "I'm going to let you change into this and I'll have a nurse come in and set up your drip. I'm so sorry for your loss, Genevieve. We're going to put a social worker on your case for support unless you have a provider you would like us to page."

"I have a therapist, but I'd like to wait a little bit to call her. I want to talk to my family about this first and then I'll let the nurse know," she responded. Dr. Coenen nodded and removed her gloves as she left and Genevieve sat up to grab a tissue to clean off her belly. Tears were still falling down her cheeks and Severus could tell she was trying to hold it together. But it also could have been that she was still heavily sedated.

"Can you get my dad?" Genevieve asked softly as she swung her legs over the side of the hospital bed. "I want to change and I need you to get him for me while I do that. Please."

"I'll go get him," he said as he kissed her forehead. As he left the room, Genevieve stood from the bed and stripped. She pulled the warm sweater over her head and took off her bloody sweatpants before she grabbed the clean panties Severus had brought her. She knew they would still get bloody, but at this point she didn't care. She then put the hospital gown on and tied it.

As she finished climbing back onto the bed, a nurse knocked and came in to set up the drip. She held her arm out and watched as she carefully eyed the various types of scars that mottled her otherwise smooth skin. The needle didn't bother her but the tape that was used to hold it in place was incredibly irritating to her skin. She sighed and sat back on the bed as she waited for her partner and father to return.

"Hi, porcupine," Johan said gently as he sat at the end of the bed. He reached a hand out to pet her dark hair and offered a soft smile. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm numb," she admitted as Severus took the seat beside her bed. She inhaled sharply as she verbalized how empty she felt. "I'm so numb, Papa."

"I'm sorry this happened," he soothed. Silent tears slipped down Gen's cheeks and he wiped them away softly. "Can I do anything for you while we wait?"

"Can you go get Minerva?" Gen asked, her voice breaking as she said her mentor's name. As much as she loved her father and her partner, she needed the closest thing she could get to a mother. Genevieve thought of Minerva McGonagall as her mother more than she had thought of Levina that way. Truthfully speaking, even though Minerva didn't have children, at least she would know what the cramping and back pain was like. "Please, Papa. I need her here with me."

"I'll go to Hogwarts to grab her," Johan affirmed. "I can also head to your quarters to grab a few things for you while you're here. Severus, do you need anything?"

"I think all we really need are more clean clothes for Gen," Severus sighed. He reached out to push some of her dark hair out of her eyes and behind her ear. "Can you think of something else you need, princess?"

"Can you bring me some papers to grade? I have a stack on the coffee table that I left out the other day," Genevieve responded. Severus furrowed his brows and exchanged a surprised look with Johan.

"My darling, you're about to deliver a baby, I don't thi-"

"My baby is dead," Genevieve said bluntly. "I'm waiting for my body to get ready to push out a dead baby. I don't know how long this is going to take and I need to do something other than think and cry about how I'm not going to be a mum after I spent two months mentally preparing myself and accepting that my stupid mistake was going to make me a mum."

"Severus is right. You need to rest," Johan asserted. He grabbed his jacket from the chair and pressed his lips together as he tried to reason with his daughter. "I'll bring Minerva and some clothes but I'm not going to bring you _work_. You can deal with that later, I'm sure Dumbledore and your students will understand wholeheartedly why your work is not done."

Genevieve suppressed a sob as she watched her father leave and she turned to grab her partner's hands. She felt herself starting to properly break down and finally let herself process what was happening. Severus watched her face contort to many different emotions before she settled with fear. Fear flickered in her dark eyes, or perhaps it was shame. He could not tell.

"I'm sorry I killed our baby," she cried brokenly. Severus sighed and stood up to hug her, stroking her hair sweetly as she sobbed into his chest. He could not stand the sound nor the sight of his partner so distraught, but he was also numbed by the loss of their child. He had yet to shed many tears but he was hurting just as much as she was. He had prepared to be a father too.

"You didn't do anything, my love," he reassured but his voice wavered. He swallowed harshly to try and pull himself together. "I promise you did nothing wrong. You took extremely good care of yourself so this wasn't your fault."

"Please come lay with me," she whimpered. "I don't know how long it's going to take me to deliver and I'm scared. I'm so scared, Severus."

"I know, I know," he soothed. Giving into her request, Severus crawled into the hospital bed with her with Gen on her side. He wiped her tears away tenderly before he slid his hand into the back of her hospital gown to rub gentle circles into her back.

His heart felt heavy in that moment as he began to process that he would not be a father. Part of him knew he would never be one even after weeks of realizing he wanted to have children. While Genevieve was very excited for Baby Snape, she had always expressed a lot of impartiality towards motherhood. He knew in his gut that if he talked to her about children in the future that she would tell him she didn't want any. After this experience, he knew.

"Genevieve?" The female nurse came back into the room and pressed her lips together as she held her chart against her chest. "We need to ask you some questions and I don't know if you would be comfortable with your partner being here. It's regarding your physical examination."

Genevieve knew immediately what this would be about and she sat up so that her feet were dangling over the side of the bed. "Severus, can you get me some water?"

"Of course, my love," Severus said as he stood from the bed. However, he was extremely confused and furrowed his brows. When the door shut behind him, the nurse sat down at her bed side and paused to gather her thoughts.

"Your physical examination showed signs of sexual trauma. You have some bruising on your cervix and some minor vaginal tears. Are you safe? Did your partner do this?" The nurse's brows were furrowed in concern and Gen ran her hand over her face as she shook her head.

"No, no. Severus didn't do that to me. He would never hurt me," she insisted as she wiped some tears away. "It was someone else."

"Do you want to report anything? We can get a rape kit going-"

"No rape kit," Genevieve asserted a bit too harshly. Her exhaustion made her a bit too short tempered which made guilt sit uncomfortably in her chest. She rested a hand on her belly and rubbed little circles. Even with a dead baby, it was still incredibly soothing. "I don't want to press charges, so there is no use in spending hours doing one of those. I am already tired so I want to deliver my dead baby and go home, that's it."

"You're not required to report it," the nurse reassured. "However, you need to know that there was also abdominal trauma upon pressing into your belly. Your doctor thinks that's what's caused this. Your baby looked otherwise healthy in previous ultrasounds."

Tears started welling in Genevieve's eyes. Gilderoy had shoved her down and she had fallen forward on her belly. "Are we done here? Can I have my partner come back into the room?"

"Yes, but we're going to put a social worker on your case," the nurse responded. "I'm sorry for your loss, honey."

"I already told my doctor that I have a therapist and would be phoning her. No social worker," Genevieve reiterated harshly. She took a deep breath and wiped some of her tears away. "Just please send Severus back in here."

The nurse left and within a few minutes, Severus had come back into the room with a bottle of water for her. She opened the bottle quickly and chugged most of it which made him realize just how dehydrated she really was. He mentally kicked himself for not making sure that she was taken care of physically as well as he had tried emotionally. As Genevieve placed the bottle down on her bedside, she felt a sharp pain and gasped slightly.

"Are the contractions starting?" Severus asked as he sat down beside her. Genevieve furrowed her brows, confused by the odd sensation, but nodded. It truthfully just felt like an intense period cramp.

"I want it to go away, Severus," she sniffled as she sat back on the bed. She leaned down so that her head was between her knees and Severus reached his hand out to rub gentle circles in her back. "Please make it go away."

"Your doctor mentioned Oxycontin, has she brought that to you yet?" Genevieve shook her head at the question and groaned as she continued to stretch her body out. She truthfully felt like she was going to vomit. "Okay, I'm going to go request it for you. Do you need anything else?"

"Rub my back," she groaned as she started tugging on her own hair to try and distract herself from the other pain. Severus's heart skipped a beat and he immediately pried her fists open to get her to stop pulling her hair.

"Okay, but we can't be doing this," Severus reprimanded sternly. "This is not healthy and it's just as destructive. Let me go request the medication and I'll rub your back."

As Severus left the room to put the request in with the nurses, Genevieve inhaled sharply as another contraction hit her. She seethed through her teeth and continued stretching her back out as she fought tears. Part of her knew that if she was delivering a healthy baby that this would be bearable and worth it, but her baby was dead and therefore there was no motivation or rationale in her head. Nothing made sense to her.

Gen wiped her eyes as she sat up and she turned her attention to the nurse that entered the room with a cup of pills with Severus trailing not too far behind her. Nobody had to tell Genevieve to take the pills; she downed them with water the minute she was presented the little cup. When the nurse left, Severus climbed on the bed behind his partner and rubbed her lower back.

"How are you feeling?" he asked as he pressed soft kisses to the tops of her shoulders. Genevieve leaned back into his body and sighed at his affections. It felt really good.

"The contractions only now started and I want it to go away, Sev," she said weakly. "Please make it go away. It's not worth it, our baby is dead. I just want it to go away."

"I wish I could make it go away for you, princess," he soothed as he kissed the side of her head. "I know it's hard for you right now emotionally and I'm sorry you have to go through this physical pain on top of it."

"I love you," she cried as tears fell down her cheeks again. She completely collapsed against her partner and wiped her tears away as he pushed some of her hair out of her face. His heart ached to see her like this. "I love you more than anything. I'm sorry I couldn't make you a dad, I know you were starting to get excited and that you loved her too."

"Gen, my darling, I'm more concerned about you right now," he admitted as he rubbed her arms. He realized just how cold she was and he reached across to get his cloak on the chair. Gen leaned forward to let him wrap it around her shoulders before she leaned back and pulled the warm sides of it around her body. "I'm most concerned with getting you through this rather than being a father. And I love you too, sweet girl."

"I just wanted to be a mum," she whimpered, her voice growing small again. Just as she was about to continue her thought, there was a knock on the door and when it opened, Minerva was standing there with Johan. She immediately reached her arms out for her mentor and her waterworks started up again. Minerva did not hesitate to pull her into a tight hug which left Severus awkwardly seated behind her.

"I'm so sorry, Genevieve," Minerva sighed as she rested her hand at the back of her head. She stroked her dark hair lovingly. "I have everything situated at Hogwarts so you don't need to worry about your classes. Neither of you do. Focus on getting through this."

"Thank you, Minnie," Gen sighed as she pulled her closer. Her eyes drifted shut. "I love you."

Minerva closed her eyes at the sentiment and a few tears slipped down her cheeks. This wasn't a very common occurrence in the older woman - in fact, Severus had never seen her cry - and so he knew hearing that from Gen's mouth meant the world to her. "I love you too, dear. Let's get you through this."

The next few hours were incredibly hard on Genevieve as she waited for her cervix to dilate and her contractions got worse. While Johan and Minerva waited outside in the waiting area for any sort of news, Severus remained in the room with Genevieve until her contractions were consistent enough for her to deliver their lifeless baby. Despite the medication she had been given, the pain had escalated to sobbing, groaning, and snapping at her partner. He only tried to help, but she was scared and in immense pain. It got to the point that Genevieve was standing and leaned into her partner's chest as he rocked her and rubbed her back. In between contractions she was needy but even when she was calm he wanted more than anything to make it stop for her. It continued to pain him to see her in such a vulnerable state and to also be in such physical pain.

Genevieve rested her head on her partner's shoulder and gripped both of his hands as another contraction hit her. She knew that because the contractions were getting more intense and closer together that it was almost time, but it was still tortuous. Nothing compared to this. Not self-harm, not her period, and not even when she broke her arm as a little girl.

"Severus, I need to sit. I can't do this," she cried as she leaned farther into his body. "Please, I need to sit. I can't do this. It hurts to stand."

"Your doctor recommended that you remain active, my love," he soothed. He continued rubbing her back but she only cried harder. The sound made his eyes drift shut as he fought back his own tears; hearing her in so much pain was incredibly haunting. "Would squatting help? I don't know if that would be more comfortable than standing during contractions but-"

"Yes, okay," she cut him off as she squeezed his hands tightly. "Merlin, Severus, please stop talking."

"Okay," he ceded. Severus helped his partner get down into a squatting position and her entire body tensed as another contraction hit her. He continued with his back rubbing but kept an eye on her in case she needed help standing up again. She groaned and bowed her head as she tried to focus on anything other than the radiating pain. She was crying again.

"Severus, I don't want to do this anymore," she cried. "Our baby is dead. I'm going through all of this fucking pain to deliver a dead baby. I went through weeks of not sleeping and being sick and hating my body and having panic attacks and I don't even get to hold our baby."

"I know, I know," he soothed as he kissed her head. She tried to stand up as her tears progressed to sobs and instinctively he knew this was the beginning of another panic attack. He rubbed her back as she stood back up and leaned over the side of the bed. "I'm here for you, my love. We'll get through this."

-

Time wasn't a concept when Genevieve woke up from her slumber. At first, she was disoriented to where she was; she had been dreaming about being a mother and holding her baby, but soon reality had set in that she had just given birth to her dead baby at fourteen weeks. As her eyes fluttered open, she became aware of the low male voices of her father and partner talking hushed in the corner of the room while her vision focused on the kind face of Minerva McGonagall. Genevieve attempted to stretch but she was incredibly sore.

"Hello there," Minnie whispered as she reached out to stroke the side of Gen's face. Her eyes drifted shut again as she accepted her mentor's affections; her hands were cold and it felt really good along her flushed skin. "How are you feeling, dear?"

"I'm sore," Genevieve grumbled. She couldn't bring herself to move yet. "Can I have some water?"

Now aware that Genevieve was awake, both Severus and Johan turned their attention back towards her. Johan grabbed another water bottle while Severus rushed to help her sit up but Genevieve pushed the two of them back as she took a deep breath. Her voice was strained. "Stop it, you're overwhelming me."

"Take a walk you two," Minerva said sternly. "Give the woman some space to breathe."

Both Johan and Severus took a step back from Genevieve and blinked perplexedly as they tried to figure out what to do with themselves. They understood that she had just woken up from a nap post-delivering a dead baby but both of them wanted more than anything to help. Defeated by Minerva's demand, both of them sat back in their chairs. Genevieve took a deep breath.

"Boy or girl?" she asked softly. The three others in the room were hesitant to speak and with good reason; after the doctor had said she finished delivering, she had demanded nobody tell her the sex of her baby. She hadn't wanted to know then. When there was no response, she repeated herself a little louder but her voice wavered. "Was my baby a boy or a girl?"

"Girl," Severus said without missing a beat. The room was absolutely silent. "Your intuition was right, my love. It was a girl."

Metabolism now blown through the sedative and opioids, Genevieve broke down sobbing and was fully unhinged the same way Severus had brought her into the hospital. She clung onto Minerva as she continued to cry, her heart heavy as the comforting arms of her mother figure wrapped around her trembling body. She gave both Severus and Johan a stern look and the two of them took that as their cue to leave the room for a little while. They both hesitated due to the love they held for Genevieve, but McGonagall had quite the glare and it intimidated the both of them.

"Do you want to name her?" Minerva asked as she rubbed Gen's back. "Your daughter still existed to all of us. She was a baby regardless if she's recognized as one."

"No," Genevieve said as she wiped her tears. Her hyperventilating from the outburst had given her hiccups which she suppressed. "No, I told Severus that I wanted to wait until I saw her to name her and I didn't get to, so she doesn't have a name. We just called her Baby Snape."

"Okay," Minerva responded softly. She switched to stroking her dark hair. "Do you want me to get Severus? I'm sure you would much prefer him right now. He's hurting just as much as you, you know. He loved your baby just as much as you did."

"I know he did," she hiccuped and took a deep breath. "But I don't want him to be here right now. I need to tell you something."

"What is it, dear?" Minerva was now immensely concerned with what was going to happen but nevertheless she remained calm. She knew that she needed to be; this girl had gone through immense trauma and she didn't want a foul reaction to offset any sort of trust Genevieve held with her.

"Gilderoy raped me?" There was a twinge of uncertainty in her voice as if she wasn't sure that's what happened, but Minerva's blood boiled at the thought that Albus had failed so much at handling the entire Lockhart situation that it had escalated so far. It steadily progressed in severity.

"When?" Minerva asked calmly. That was all she could think besides the raging anger that sat uncomfortably in her chest. She knew he was a dead man walking.

"After Hermione was petrified I went back to my quarters to lay down because I wasn't feeling well and he shoved me into my quarters and it just... happened. I went to sleep early because I was anxious and I woke up early this morning to bleeding. He did this... I lost my baby because he shoved me down and there was abdominal trauma."

There was a certain type of pain to Genevieve's voice that made this all the more worse for Minerva to process. She was grateful that their trust had escalated to knowing what happened to her as a student to being the first person she told when things happen, but it was hard for her to grasp that these things were happening to her. She was such a bright young woman and over the last year she had experienced more than enough loss.

"What can I do to help you?" Minerva responded. Genevieve hesitated but she sighed and wiped her tears away. She was completely numbed by the situation on top of having gone through the trauma of delivering a dead baby.

"I just needed someone else to know," she admitted softly. She wiped away the remainder of her tears. "I've never felt more alone than I do right now."

"Oh, my dear, you're far from alone," Minerva crooned as she stroked her cheek gently with her thumb. "Your father has some sort of redemption going for him. I'm not sure how that happened, but it did. Severus loves you more than anything and I've known him since he was eleven so that says a lot about that selfish man and how he feels about you. And of course, I'll always be here for you."

"I really wanted to be a mum," Genevieve said sadly. She laid back down on the bed and simply stared at the ceiling. "I wanted to have a baby with Severus. We almost had a daughter. I don't know if I want children anymore."

"You need time to grieve," her mentor responded sweetly. "Let yourself grieve. Don't think about talk of future children if it's going to upset you."

"Can you get Severus back?" she asked softly as she disregarded the advice she was given and avoided her mentor's eyes. Minerva nodded and pressed a loving kiss to the top of Genevieve's head as she made her way back to the door. Gen heard a distant conversation between Minnie, Severus, and Johan. After a moment, Severus entered and stood in the doorway.

"Are you okay?" Severus asked but Genevieve simply shook her head and held her arms out for him. He did not hesitate to crawl beside her and pull her into his arms. He could feel how tired she was still and stroked her hair lovingly but she buried her face in his shirt. It was warm and he smelled good. "Oh, sweet girl..."

"I really wanted to be a mum, Sev," she cried into his chest. "I was doing so well with my bipolar treatment, I was ready to be a mum. I wanted to have your baby."

"You can still be a mother," Severus reassured. He pressed his lips together; he knew this was a delicate topic and tried his hardest not to insinuate that Baby Snape was replaceable. "Now isn't the time because you need to heal both physically and emotionally of course, but we can try for another baby one day if you ever wanted to."

"No," she said as she hid her face in his clothing. "No. First I got an abortion and now I had a miscarriage. I'm not meant to be a mum. I don't want children anymore."

"We can revisit this conversation later," he sighed. He played with her hair soothingly and kissed the top of her head. "You terminated the first time because that was the best choice for you back when you were sixteen and this miscarriage happened simply because there was something wrong with our baby. It's nothing you did. This isn't because you aren't meant to be a mother."

"There wasn't anything wrong with our baby," Genevieve said as she closed her eyes. She tried to muster all the courage she could to be honest with her partner. She was terrified but she wanted to uphold all the communication skills she had been working on with him. "I miscarried because I had abdominal trauma. Gilderoy raped me last night."

"He what?" Snape tensed beneath his partner as his thoughts started racing. He tried to think about when or where or even how it had happened. She had not left any clues, no signs, her body was clean. It was obvious she had to have covered it up and now he was mentally kicking himself for not noticing. "I'm going to kill that man with my bare hands."

"Don't you dare," Genevieve sniffled. "I hate him and I want him dead too but not like that. I don't want you getting sent to Azkaban. He has too much money and too many influencers. He won't get punished either way but at least this way you won't be getting locked up for murder."

"I would serve a life-sentence in Azkaban if it meant I could keep you safe, pretty girl. I hope you know that," he reassured.

Genevieve nodded. "I know."

-

The loss of Genevieve's baby affected everyone who was closest to her. Johan and Minerva knew Genevieve and Severus needed time to mourn; they had bonded with their unborn baby so intensely that the thought of being parents excited them when they otherwise were not the type of people to willingly choose parenthood. This baby had changed their minds completely. While Genevieve spent a lot of time in bed recovering physically and emotionally, Severus had tried to remain strong for her but he found himself completely broken. A lot of times, they held each other and simply cried. Other times, they couldn't bring themselves to even speak to one another because they were in so much pain. Not to even mention that Genevieve was mentally recovering from being raped.

It became clear to Severus that the aftermath of her rape was completely different from when she was assaulted. Katie hypothesized that her pregnancy hormones had elicited a trauma response that was opposite of what most rape survivors experienced. She reassured it was normal and that trauma is handled in very individualistic ways, but while most women would fear their partners, Genevieve became extremely clingy and had separation anxiety. She frequently expressed that she didn't feel safe if he left and that she needed him to protect her. This was an odd behavior for Severus to witness; being such a powerful witch, Genevieve could take care of herself and Severus if she truly wanted to. But she felt helpless.

Minerva coped with the loss of Severus and Genevieve's baby primarily by throwing herself into her teaching and Deputy Headmistress duties. She also found it to be imperative Lockhart be thrown from the school and there were many grounds of termination in which could be presented to Albus. She tried her hardest to put that document on his desk so that there could be some sort of justice not just for Genevieve, but for their baby.

Johan's coping was a completely different story. It was unlike him, but he frequented pubs. His daughter had just started to be stable and happy and of course life had to go and take away the one thing that she was so looking forward to. He had recently spoken to her about what he wanted to be called as a grandfather and the next minute he was phoned because his daughter was possibly miscarrying. And she had. Still, he had settled on being called Opa. Despite Genevieve's persistence to denying that she wanted to be a mother, he hoped one day she would have children. She was so happy when she thought she was going to be one.

Johan didn't know how many firewhiskies in he was when a final glass tapped the countertop. He took a deep breath and tried to not focus on his thoughts for once and instead try to listen in to what was going on around him in Three Broomsticks. Genevieve had taught him that as an extension of her skills she learned in therapy. She urged him to get one himself, but he refused. At first, he thought listening to his surroundings was a waste of time and energy until there was one conversation that he overheard that made his blood boil.

"She was being a pestering little whore, what else was I supposed to do?"

There was a sort of cruel laughter of a group of men and Johan immediately turned his attention to them though he tried not to make it obvious as he listened in.

"Forcing me to change my lesson plans, insulting me in front of Albus. She was basically asking for it. Begged me not to hurt her baby... she liked it though."

Everything started clicking in his head and he realized through his drunken vision that the person who was talking was Gilderoy Lockhart boasting to his friends over drinks. His heart started racing and he tapped on the man's shoulder.

"Excuse me," Johan slurred. With what little context he had heard, he was certain this man had done something so severe that it caused his daughter to miscarry. She was the only pregnant woman he would have known - mentioning Albus meant he was a professor at Hogwarts. "What are you talking about?"

"Just a little whore colleague of mine," Gilderoy said rolling his eyes. "Practically begged me to fuck her."

Johan's eyes darkened and he reached a hand under the bar counter to keep a hand on his wand. "Which colleague? Perhaps I know her."

"Genevieve de Keyser. Cocky little bitch, boasting her research and her classes' marks." Gilderoy chuckled and his friends behind him did the same.

Being the incredibly impulsive man he was, he offered a half-smile. "That's my daughter."

The fear that struck Gilderoy's eyes as the realization had hit him was perhaps the one sliver of joy Johan had experienced in the last few weeks. Drawing his wand, without any hesitation, he slurred:

" _Avada Kedavra_!"


	31. PART THIRTY-ONE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: allusion to suicide attempt, discussion of disordered eating, smut

_"Stop it! I can't do this anymore," Levina sobbed as she aggressively shoved her husband back. Tightly within her grasp was a sharpened kitchen knife which Johan attempted to snatch multiple times only to be attacked. He seethed every time the blade met his skin but eventually he was able to take it away from her and use his wand to bind her wrists. He did not hesitate to rummage through his cupboard for Draught of Peace to give to his manic wife. However, the moment he turned around, his heart stopped at the sight of his six year old daughter standing in the doorway cradling her bunny plushie. Tears were streaming down her face._

_"Shit," he swore under his breath. He quickly healed all the wounds that Levina had given him and tucked his wand in his pocket. As Levina collapsed on the floor in a fit of tears, Genevieve could not look away. She appeared to be in shock she was so terrified. Johan crouched in front of his daughter and stroked her chin softly with his thumb to turn her attention back to him. "Go back into your room, porcupine. I'll be there in a minute."_

_Genevieve shook her head and started crying harder as she tugged on her father's shirt and reached her arms up for him. She was so spooked by her mother's erratic behavior and all she wanted was for her father to hold her. Finally hearing the commotion, Luuk ran into the kitchen to see his hysteric mother on the floor and he exchanged a specific look with Johan. Luuk took the flask of Draught of Peace from him and coaxed his mother to drink it while Johan picked up his little girl. Her head rested against his shoulder and her feet dangled on either side as he held her against his chest. Once she was in the safe pink walls of her bedroom he set her on her bed._

_"Oh, porcupine," Johan soothed as he tenderly wiped her tears away. Genevieve looked up at him with her large brown eyes and hiccuped as she tried to calm herself down. "You're safe, my darling, I promise you're safe. Let's lay down and I can rub your back and we can talk about what we're going to do tomorrow. How does that sound? Do you want to go to the park? We can go get banketstaff and anijsmelk and feed the geese."_

_"Did mammie try to die?" she asked softly as she laid her head down on her pillow. Johan stroked her hair sweetly as he pressed his lips together. He had no idea what to say to his daughter; she was much too smart and much too intuitive for him to sugarcoat things. Taking a deep breath, he brought her blankets to her shoulders and started tucking her in. Nights like these where Levina was so manically delusional that she had suicidal outbursts were the hardest for him not because of the impact on their marriage, but how it clearly affected Luuk and Genevieve. Luuk was merely thirteen; he shouldn't have to calm his mother down._

_"Mammie is okay. I promise," Johan reassured as he started to rub her back. He kissed the top of her head. "Don't worry about her tonight. In the morning we can go to the park and get banketstaff and anijsmelk. Luuk can come with us too. How does that sound, porcupine?"_

_Genevieve could merely nod. She was exhausted._

Panicked, Genevieve's eyes snapped open as she tried to even out her breathing. She was soaked with cold sweat and her vision was blurred with tears as she tried to soothe herself. Her chest felt hollow as she thought about her father. Lately, it wasn't uncommon for her to have dreams about Johan because he had been sentenced to Azkaban with a nonnegotiable life-sentence. Genevieve had just started amending her broken relationship with him when he was taken away and it elicited unwanted memories of suppressed trauma surrounding her mother and remembering small things about her childhood. Johan used to treat his daughter like she was his entire world despite the fact he preached pureblood supremacy and left at odd times for Death Eater business. His daughter was his world and she refused to acknowledge that part of him for years. It hurt too much.

Pushing her sweaty hair out of her face, Genevieve turned over to face her partner. He was sleeping peacefully on his side, his dark hair fallen in front of his face. She reached out and tucked it behind his ear as she attempted to calm her racing heart and fight back the tears that slipped down her cheeks. She didn't want to wake him; the dreams were frequent and she felt guilty wanting his comfort. So instead she suppressed her sobs and ignored the way her chest ached and focused on the way Severus's breathing was even and the way he looked incredibly peaceful.

Glancing up at the clock, she realized it was merely 2am. She had not been asleep very long; she had stayed up late grading papers and Severus had gone to bed earlier on in the night with a migraine from some of the first years he had to deal with. However, now she was wide awake and she knew with her emotional state that she wouldn't be able to sleep again. Genevieve rolled over and swung her legs over the side of the bed to stand. She made her way to the common room that was illuminated with light from the full moon and sat down on the sofa. She was by no means a night person and often times found the dark intimidating, but she took comfort in it in that moment.

From the bedroom, Severus stirred and attempted to reach out for his partner but was met with cold sheets. His heart skipped a beat as he opened his eyes and blinked the sleep from his vision. When he realized she wasn't there, he grew worried. He couldn't even remember if she had come to bed to begin with since he had gone to sleep so early. Standing from the bed, he left their bedroom to investigate where his partner was. He sighed when he saw her sitting on the sofa with her legs crossed beneath her. She had gotten some papers out to grade again and tears stained her cheeks.

"Did you even come to bed?" he asked softly as he leaned against the wall. Genevieve looked up at her partner's dark shadow and nodded.

"I slept for a little bit," she responded with a shrug. She continued marking down answers on the papers that were in front of her. Severus noted that she appeared to be hugging herself and she rapped her fingers against her ribcage. That was her anxious behavior.

"Did you have another one?" he continued as he stepped to sit with her on the sofa. She didn't respond, merely blinked as more tears started sliding down her cheeks. Severus turned her face kindly but she refused to meet his eyes. "You can wake me when you have those dreams, Gen. You're soaked in sweat, why don't you clean up and come back to bed? I can change the sheets."

"I can't go back to sleep," she murmured as she continued writing. Severus took the pen from her hand carefully and set the papers back on the coffee table where she had left them when she had gone to bed. He simply pressed a kiss to the side of her head. "I can't wake you. It's not fair to you that I have them every night."

"Every night?" he frowned as he pet the back of her head. She had only woke him up a few times but it wasn't willingly. She had been sobbing so hard that it woke him up and he held her until she fell back to sleep. But if she was having them every night, that meant that she wasn't sleeping. No wonder she looked exhausted all the time. "Come on, princess. Let's go lay back in bed and I can rub your back until you fall asleep. I'll go change the sheets and you can change into clean clothes."

Genevieve nodded and wiped her tears away quickly, somewhat ashamed that she was having dreams about her childhood. Some of them were very sweet, like Johan tucking her into bed, but the circumstances of which he did that were what stressed her out. Upon remembering these memories, she did start making parallels between how her father comforted her as a child and how Severus comforts her now. She hadn't realized how apparent her daddy issues really were until that moment.

"I miss my dad," she mumbled as she crawled into his lap. Severus sighed and kissed the side of her head. He was still extremely groggy and wanted to go back to bed, so he picked her up and she let him carry her back to bed.

"I know, princess. I'm sorry," he soothed. He set her down on the bed and rummaged through her dresser for new clothes but paused when he realized his clothes might put her to sleep quicker. He reached for one of the shirts in his dresser and handed it to her, kissing the top of her head as he turned to grab new sheets. "Get changed, sweet girl."

Doing as she was told, Genevieve pulled her sweat soaked t-shirt over her head and changed into her partner's shirt. She was still crying quietly but she grew mad at herself for it and frantically wiped her tears away. There was an odd tingling sensation on her arms which, when paired with racing thoughts, elicited the urge to harm herself.

"Severus," she said after a moment. She stood from the bed so he could change the sheets. Without looking up at her, he made a slight hum of acknowledgement. "Severus, the urges are back."

As he finished pulling the fitted sheet over the last corner of the mattress and started throwing the pillows and duvet back onto the bed, he stopped to look at her. She was much more distressed by this dream than other ones and he grew immensely concerned that it would be triggering some sort of bipolar episode. He couldn't tell which yet; she wasn't sleeping therefore sleep deprivation could be triggering mania or she could be slipping back into another depressive episode with how distraught she was over her father. But he had been imprisoned back in February – it was now July. She had remained clean throughout the miscarriage and her father's imprisonment.

"Okay," he acknowledged as he sat down on the bed. He licked his lips and pressed them together as he ran his hand over his face. "Do you want to talk about why they're back? What's going on in your head?"

"I'm angry," she mumbled. Genevieve had become increasingly self-aware of her emotions, thought patterns, and behaviors. "And I turn it inwards onto myself."

"Mhm, and what does Katie tell you to do whenever you get angry? Regardless of what you're angry at, what does she tell you to do?" He opened his arms for her and she crawled back into them as they laid down. She tucked her arms against her abdomen to prevent herself from picking at old scars.

"Take a deep breath, make some art, journal, or let you love me," she mumbled. Severus smiled softly as he kissed the top of her head. She had gotten so far in her treatment and he was extremely proud of her. She hadn't realized her progress yet and was too in her head about this current situation to acknowledge what she was saying was _healthy_.

"That's right, my darling. Turn over so I can rub your back and I'll remain awake until you fall asleep again, how does that sound?"

Genevieve leaned up to kiss her partner sweetly before she rolled over onto her stomach. As promised, Severus pulled the duvet up over her and slid his hand beneath her shirt to rub circles into her back. It did not take more than ten minutes for her breathing to even out.

The next time that Genevieve woke up it was naturally with the rise of the sun. She had explained this routine to Severus earlier on in their relationship; she felt most alive this way. He teased that she was like a little house cat that liked to sunbathe and she hated it. He smothered her with kisses to make her feel better but she still grumbled about it.

Given that it was now July, the sun rose earlier each morning and set a tad later each evening which provided her with the utmost level of serotonin and dopamine. It also put her at a higher risk for mania but she kept her sleep schedule consistent, drank water, was conscious of her thoughts, and was able to avoid it entirely. She had remained euthymic for almost six months now even through her miscarriage. She was proud of herself.

As much as Severus knew she loved to get up with the sun, he absolutely despised it. He was not a morning person and as much as he loved her, he refused to interact with her until he's had his coffee. She was too lively and when he was half asleep, she was easily overwhelming with her eccentric personality. Her Gryffindor traits were much more apparent those times and he tried to minimize his interactions with those traits.

Basking in the soft sunlight that rested on her face, Genevieve turned over to realize her partner was facing the opposite direction to avoid the sun in his eyes. She immediately scooted over in bed to wrap her arms around him and bury her face in his back, peppering kisses along his bare skin. She remained that way for a moment as she snuggled into him with her head against his back. The sound of his lungs expanding soothed her and she felt incredibly calm knowing that he was peaceful. She listened to him breathe for what felt like an eternity before she acknowledged the sun was shifting and that she needed to get herself up if she wanted to properly start her day.

Rolling out of bed, Genevieve stretched her arms over her head and sighed as her spine cracked and her muscles stretched out. A lot had changed since she was raped; she had a new morning routine that kept her in check, new boundaries had been set between her and Severus, and eventually after a few months of sticking to this and communicating with him, she had begun to become functional again. She was not healed, but she knew how to cope better.

One of the newest things Genevieve had been working on with Katie was body consciousness and learning how to love the body she had. She tried to acknowledge it for what it was versus what it wasn't which helped her feel more in control of her body and helped her feel more comfortable with Severus touching her. It took approximately three months for her to be okay with snogging again and the following two months she had tried to talk herself up to having sex again but it only triggered panic attacks. Severus reassured her he wouldn't pressure her into doing anything and would patiently wait for her to be ready, but part of her felt guilty.

Every morning before Genevieve went to make herself her usual cup of chamomile tea and brew her partner a cup of coffee, she sat on the floor of their bedroom where the sun was shining and stretched out all of her muscles and joints so that she wasn't as stiff. It was an odd experience but it helped her appreciate her body a bit more each time – as long as she could avoid looking in the floor length mirror in the corner of the room while she stretched. She hated looking at herself with her stomach folded over and her thighs squishy. It made her nauseous.

Another thing that Genevieve had starting part-taking in was journaling. She sat on the floor of their common room in the morning sun with her tea and journaled everything that was on her mind. However, her first language was Dutch and by extension that's the language she thought in so all her journal entries were written in Dutch. While she did this, eventually Snape would emerge from their bedroom and sit on the armchair to drink his coffee and read The Daily Prophet. He took note of the way she mumbled to herself in Dutch while she wrote. He thought it was entertaining when she forgot the English translation for Dutch words while speaking to him. That happened a lot before she woke up completely and given that he didn't speak Dutch, he could not help. It didn't stop her from asking for his attention, though.

As Genevieve finished stretching, she stood up and looked at herself in the full length mirror that stood in the corner of their bedroom. Habitually, she lifted her shirt to look at the weight she had gained around her middle from her pregnancy. Despite five months having passed, her body retained the weight which made her belly squishier. She tried to repeat positive affirmation in her head like Katie had taught her to whenever she grew self-conscious of her body, but having had a rough night, the affirmations didn't work. The young witch took a deep breath; she knew today wasn't going to be a good day in terms of her self-esteem and body image no matter what compliments Severus would inevitably throw her way.

Upon seeing her body, Gen let her shirt fall back down to cover her body. She lingered for a moment as she glanced at herself, turning every which way to evaluate the rest of her body. She knew this was toxic and she shouldn't be doing it but she couldn't help it. When she started it was hard to stop. The distress that this elicited caused her to rummage through the bottom of her dresser for any sweatpants that she could find that she had not ended up putting away as the weather warmed. She was lucky to find one pair, but as she frantically searched for them, the sound made Severus stir in his sleep. She paused what she was doing when she heard him exhale and braced herself to be reprimanded.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," she whispered as she grabbed the pair of black sweatpants. She tugged them on quickly and wiped away the tears that had escaped. She felt sick at the thought of anyone seeing her body. "I'm going to make your coffee now, you can come out when you're ready."

"I can always fall back to sleep, Gen," he mumbled as he ran his hand over his face. He watched as she reached for a sweater and furrowed his brows as he tried to reorient himself. "What are you doing? It's boiling hot outside."

"I can't look at myself today, Severus," she sighed as she let her hair fall out of the elastic she had kept it in overnight. She tried to distract herself by brushing her hair and pulling it back up out of her face but it wasn't working.

"Come here, pretty girl," he called out to her softly. He extended his arms out towards her and she looked up at him through the reflection of the mirror. She was hesitant. "Genevieve, you're more than beautiful. Please come here."

Taking a deep breath, Genevieve listened to her partner and put down the brush and turned to crawl back into her partner's warm embrace. Silent tears slid down her cheeks and he tenderly wiped them away and pulled her back to lay down on the bed, peppering sweet kisses to the side of her head. She started sobbing at the affection and pulled him closer to her.

"You are perfect to me, princess. Absolutely perfect. You can cry and let it all out, but know your thoughts about your body are irrational," he reassured as he attempted to soothe her. She wouldn't calm down and it finally registered in his head that he would not be going back to sleep.

"I miss when I could see my ribs," she commented into his chest, forcing herself to take deep breaths as he started stroking her dark hair. He blinked a few times to gather his thoughts. He was still incredibly groggy and couldn't quite figure out what to say at first, but he knew one thing for certain: she shouldn't be able to see her ribs.

"When you were able to see your ribs, you weren't eating for days at a time, sometimes forcing yourself to vomit, and ultimately you were fainting, were cold all the time, and you were exhausted. You were _sick_ when you could see your ribs. You are _not_ supposed to see your ribs," he reminded her.

"I was so pretty though," she continued to cry into his chest. Severus closed his eyes and pressed his lips together. He really had no idea what to say to her. He preferred her the way she was now but he couldn't say he had a preference.

"Sick," he corrected her. "You were sick, Genevieve. You gained the weight you needed to gain back in January when you were in Amsterdam. Your body is the way it needs to be. You are healthy."

"I hate it, Severus," she whimpered. The sound made his heart shatter and he rubbed her back soothingly. What she had to say next is probably what hurt him the most out of everything he ever heard her say about herself. "I just want to be small."

"Sweet girl, you don't need to look a certain way. I know you hate your body, I know you want to be smaller, and I know you want so much about you to change. But I wish you could see your body the way I see it," he responded sweetly. "Your body takes care of you. Let's take off those sweatpants and sweater and put on the t-shirt and shorts you were wearing before. I'll make you tea and breakfast today and we can sit down on the floor together. You can sit in the sun like the little house cat you are and you can journal and eat. How does that sound?"

"I'm not a house cat," she mumbled as she rolled onto her back and wiped her eyes. She looked up at Severus with puffy eyes and he acknowledged how exhausted she looked. "I just happen to really like the sun."

Severus laughed softly as he kissed her nose and then her cheeks. Her eyes drifted shut for a moment and lightly pressed kisses to her eyelids which made her scrunch her nose. Even during frustrating moments like these, Genevieve was appreciative that he was so kind and patient with her. Nobody had been like that with her before.

"Do you think Minnie likes sunbathing?" she asked as she sat up in bed. Severus suppressed a chuckle as he watched her stand. That was both a very amusing and very good question that he had never thought of.

"I'm not sure. She does like warm weather, though," Severus noted. "Would you ever want to be an Animagus?"

"Mm, I don't think so," she said as she grabbed the clothes she was wearing before. She bit her lip as she traded the sweater for Severus's t-shirt that she was wearing before but taking off her sweatpants for shorts was much harder for her. Severus watched as she continued to look at her body and in that moment he realized the extent of how much Gilderoy had hurt her.

It wasn't just fear of intimacy and trust issues with _other people_ , Severus realized. It affected the relationship she had with _herself_. She was anxious, second guessed herself, startled easily, didn't recognize her body or face in the mirror, and she was panicky around all men except for Severus. She was attached to _him_ like a child and expressed numerous times he could not leave her because she was not safe without him. In that moment, it all finally clicked in his head but it was about five months too late. He was grateful that Gilderoy was dead so that she could start to heal, but he wished Johan had not used the Killing Curse on him right away. If there was one thing Severus had learned from the Dark Lord, it was how to properly torture someone until they begged for death. _That_ was how he wanted Lockhart to go.

"I can't put these back on," she mumbled as she hugged herself. The statement drew Severus from his thoughts and he took a deep breath as he looked back up at his partner. She was hugging herself.

"Come here," he beckoned with his hand as he moved to sit at the edge of the bed with his feet on the floor. Genevieve met his eyes through the reflection of the mirror and shyly turned around to face her partner. Her cheeks were red and she hesitated to step forward, but he pat his knee. "Princess, I said come here."

Genevieve's heart skipped beats as she stepped forward and sat in his lap. Severus took her chin between his forefinger and thumb and forced her to look at him. His eyebrows were raised slightly.

"I thoroughly worship your body for all that it _is_ and not for what it _isn't_. Every curve, every valley, every scar – _all_ of it, Genevieve. I forget how to breathe every time I see you. Not to mention how it's nearly impossible not to swoon every single time you walk through the door, or wake up with the sunlight catching your hair, or how your freckles have darkened with the sun. You undressing yourself for me is a privilege. My brain goes foggy and the world _stops._ All I can think about is you. You are a work of art, Genevieve de Keyser. I wish you could see yourself the way that I see you because goddamn it, I am madly in love with you."

Genevieve's vision blurred as she listened to her partner gush about her and when she blinked, tears rolled down her flushed cheeks. Her palms carefully caressed the curve of his jaw as she listened to him, keeping him close to her as she tried to take his word for the truth. Severus leaned in and kissed her deeply which she returned much more fervently than he had anticipated. Her hands slid down to the nape of his neck and she pulled him closer.

"I love you," she whispered against his lips. Severus only pulled back to wipe her tears away tenderly, sighing as her eyes drifted shut. He pressed gentle kisses to her eyelids and then her nose. "I am so in love with you it's ridiculous at this point, Severus. You're my other half."

"And I love you," he mumbled as he pushed her hair out of her face and kissed her yet again, but she pulled him closer to her by cupping his face and broke the kiss to trail her lips down the side of his neck. He groaned softly.

"I want to try," she whispered as her hands traveled over his bare shoulders and back. "I want to try to have sex. You make me feel safe and I feel so loved when we have sex, Severus."

Genevieve had repeatedly told him before that he had the sex drive of a thirteen year old boy, so of course when she asked to try, he couldn't say no to her. "Tell me what you want to try and we'll go slow, how does that sound?"

Her trail of kisses had reached his collarbone now and his heart rate started picking up in pace. He was terrified to do something wrong so he was hesitant to touch her at first, and then he began overthinking that not touching her would make her feel unwanted or ugly so he was overwhelmed with what to do. He settled on sliding his hands beneath the t-shirt she wore and tracing the underside of her breasts with his thumbs. Her breath caught in her throat.

"Do you want to be on top? I know that's always been your preferred position," he added after a moment as he tugged up at the hem of her shirt. She allowed him to remove the article of clothing but she shook her head at his question. Instead, she fixed herself so that she was straddling his thighs. Severus found himself staring at the way the morning sun illuminated her soft features and he pulled her back close to him for another kiss. He was completely distracted now.

Genevieve lowered herself more into his lap as she became much more comfortable with the idea of them having sex, but the moment her ass brushed against his erection she froze and her eyes screwed shut. This caught Snape's attention immediately and he stopped only to push her hair out of her eyes. "Do you want to stop?"

"No," she said as she took a deep breath. "No, I'm trying not to get in my own head. I have this dread in my stomach that something bad is going to happen and I can't shake it."

"You are safe," he reassured. "If you want to stop at any time you can revoke your consent and I will stop. I promise you, _I will stop_."

Genevieve nodded and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. She wanted more than anything to take back control of her sexuality and for Severus to make her feel good so she reassured herself mentally and finally let herself lower herself into his lap. However, she was still very tense and Severus came to the realization that perhaps she was rushing herself.

"Why don't you lay back against the sheets instead, princess?" he offered in an attempt to get her to relax a little more. Genevieve had liked that idea and nodded as she did as he had suggested.

Severus got down on his knees beside the bed and pulled her hips towards the edge of the mattress as he usually did. He pressed soft kisses to her belly as he pulled her sweatpants off and rolled her panties down her thighs, watching with immense relief as she started to even out her breathing. What Genevieve _thought_ she was ready for was much different than what she _actually_ was ready for which he had begun to acknowledge. Despite it, he remained patient with her. It was her healing process, not his.

Pulling her legs over his shoulders, Severus started slow by planting soft kisses along her inner thighs. He heard her sigh softly and felt her fingers threaded through his hair which he interpreted as a good sign, therefore he slowly dragged his flattened tongue up her pussy which made her exhale much louder. He felt her start to relax against the sheets. Her stomach fluttered and her eyes drifted shut.

"Keep going," she whispered as she pet his hair. She couldn't bring herself to look at anything but the ceiling but she arched her back slightly into the sensation. "It feels good, please keep going."

Taking in her words of encouragement, Severus swirled his tongue around her clit a few times as he rested his hands along her hips. He stroked the scarred skin with his thumbs in an attempt to help her relax more. Little gasps and hum noises escaped the back of her throat but she muffled them by biting her lip. The sound made Severus increase his pace and paired it with soft sucking. She responded by inhaling sharply.

"Fuck," she mumbled as she squirmed slightly. Severus held her in place as he continued pairing the tongue swirling and sucking until she was sighing his name. Her heels rested along his back and she dragged them up the curve of his spine as he started stroking her clit side-to-side with his tongue. That made her moan louder and grip onto his hair. Her stomach fluttered and she felt her brain go foggy. Severus merely kept at that pace.

As the minutes neared almost a half hour, Severus's jaw grew tired and he was starting to realize that despite how responsive she was, she was taking a lot longer to finish. He knew she was still quite tense, but he did not expect it to hinder her this much. Genevieve knew she was safe; she reassured herself that if she wanted to stop that he would, that he would give her correct aftercare and utmost praise, and that he would remain gentle with her, but she found it difficult to relax.

Sitting back on his heels to give his jaw a break, Severus kissed the side of his partner's calf. "My love, you need to relax," he said softly as he stroked her thigh lovingly with his thumb. "You're in your own head and I know you are. Let me make you feel good, princess. You don't have to worry about anything, I promise."

Taking a deep breath, Genevieve nodded and stared up at the ceiling as her partner resumed giving her head. His fingers brushed the scarred skin of her outer thighs as a form of comfort as he started sucking on her clit. The sensation elicited a sharp gasp followed by a moan and she pushed his head down to keep him where he was.

"Don't move," she begged. "Please don't fucking move."

Severus listened to his partner but grew frustrated with the head pushing. He reached up to grab her hands to prevent it, his fingers laced with hers as he pinned them beside her hips. Her breathing quickened and progressed to louder moans, and while Snape kept at the pace he set, she squirmed and her legs starting shaking. His stomach fluttered at the noises that she made and with one last swirl of his tongue she came hard and writhed. Severus did not relent until she came down from her high.

Sitting back on his heels, Severus wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and Genevieve sat up on her elbows to look at him. Her cheeks were flushed a soft pink color and she tried to catch her breath. "Take off your pants," she said softly.

Severus raised a curious brow at her command but didn't hesitate to do as she said. Gen pulled him on top of her using her leg which immediately felt suffocating but she tried to ignore the thought of Gilderoy's heavy body laying on her with his hand around her throat. Instead, she focused on the way her partner pressed his palms into the sheets to allow her room to breathe and how he smelled like sandalwood and remnants of her perfume. She melted as he carefully kissed along her jaw; the dynamic was very different and rationally she knew she was safe.

"What do you want, pretty girl?" he asked sweetly as he met her eyes. They were still hazy from her orgasm which was something he really liked to see. That meant she was calm.

"You've never made love to me," she whispered as she pushed his hair out of his eyes. Her fingers threaded through the hair at the nape of his neck and she pulled him closer to her, their faces inches apart. "I want you to make love to me. I want you to make me feel like your princess and not your whore for once. Please, Severus."

Severus didn't know what he was expecting her to say but it definitely wasn't that. A twinge of guilt sat in his chest when he realized she was right; he constantly preached about how much he loved her body and yet it never was reflected in their sex life. He reminded himself of how she said she felt loved when they had sex and part of him was concerned he had never taken the time to worship her body behind closed doors. He was not against making love to her by any means, but he had never seen her plead so softly. It was different. Severus pet the side of her head lovingly and kissed her deeply.

"I love you," he murmured against her lips. "You _are_ my pretty princess. Of course I'll make you feel that way whenever you want me to."

"I love you," she repeated back to him. The flush of her cheeks darkened to a deeper pink. She had been unsure that asking him would be a turn off and part of her felt foolish for asking such a silly question with such a juvenile phrase but it was the best way she knew how to describe it. She wanted to feel worshipped. It was different than just sex. It was much more intimate.

Gen's eyes fluttered shut and she turned her head when he started pressing soft kisses along her neck and pulled her legs up around his hips. She relaxed against their bedsheets as her arms wrapped up along his back and her fingernails slowly traced down his spine. In that moment, she was hyperaware of her body, _his_ body, and how he touched her and she succumbed to his gentleness. She only opened her eyes again when he turned her face to kiss him.

"Tell me when you're ready," he whispered against her lips. Gen's heart skipped beats now as she ran her hands over his chest, then over his shoulders, across his collarbone, and up his neck. She wanted to take in the feeling of him and to appreciate him as he had been appreciating her. She met his eyes slowly, acknowledged how dilated his eyes were when looking down at her, and tucked his hair behind his ears so she could look at his whole face.

"I'm ready," she mumbled as she pressed the softest kiss to his lips. Severus returned it just as soft before he sat up on his heels. His hands trailed from her neck down to her hips as he caressed her body, paying extra attention to each of her curves that she was so insecure about. Grabbing her hips gently, he lifted them to align with his which made her eyes drift shut again and her breathing become more uneven. Severus stroked her thigh soothingly as he pushed the head of his cock in. Gen gripped the sheets and he waited patiently for her consent to continue.

"More," she pleaded softly. "Please, Sev."

Continuing to check in with her, Severus remained patient until she had taken his entire length. His heart was racing as he leaned back over her, pausing as she once again caressed his body. She relaxed as her body adjusted to him and she pulled his face down into a fervent kiss. Her legs hooked over his hips to pull him closer and Severus moaned into her mouth, starting to move his hips with hers.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured as he kissed just below her ear. Gen's heart fluttered at his compliment and a soft moan escaped the back of her throat. Severus took this as more encouragement and quickened his pace so that her moans were much more consistent. Her heart was skipping beats now and her cheeks felt warm.

"Say it again," she mumbled back to him breathlessly, attempting to bring air back into her body. She realized she had been holding her breath unintentionally. Snape kissed along the soft skin on the underside of her jaw as she panted. "Please tell me I'm pretty."

"You're more than just pretty," Severus responded with a moan. She was clutching onto him now, desperately pulling him closer. He bowed his head into the crook of her neck; he knew he was close but he was trying to control himself. This was about her and he wanted her to finish first. "You are absolutely perfect. My perfect, sweet little princess."

Genevieve moaned loudly but tried to silence herself by biting her lip. Severus was frustrated with that; more than anything he wanted to hear her moan. He was so focused on reining himself in that he was numb to the way she clawed his back to keep him closer to her.

"Severus," she whimpered. "Severus, I'm gonna come."

Lifting his head, he forced her to look at him as he kissed her deeply. He was panting now, moaning into her mouth as she moved her hands to cup his face. "Look at me when you come," he begged as he met her eyes. "Please, princess."

The idea of seeing her eyes so darkened yet so dilated definitely pushed him towards the edge. Genevieve's heart skipped beats as she kept eye contact with him. Her lips were parted as she pulled him closer to her with her legs and came hard. Severus watched as her eyes glossed over with a haze and ultimately that's what made him come. He thrusted his hips through both of their orgasms and bowed his head back down into her neck as he moaned into her ear.

Both of them spent, Severus fell next to his partner completely sweaty. Genevieve turned her head to look at him and rolled over to rest her head against his chest. She pulled the duvet back over her body as she traced little circles into his skin.

"I love you," she mumbled as her eyes drifted shut. "Thank you for being so gentle."

"I love you too," Severus murmured as he kissed the top of her head. He tucked the duvet around her but kept his upper half out of it; he was too sweaty. "So much, my sweet girl."

* * *

"Our anniversary is coming up," Severus said after a long while of sitting in silence with his partner. Genevieve had been hyperfixated on the bowl she was making with her potter's wheel, brows furrowed and dark hair pulled back out of her face. She remained otherwise completely still. Snape was seated on the floor with a bunch of parchments laid out in front of him which he appeared to have been organizing. Specifically, he was staring at a calendar. "What do you want to do for it?"

Without glancing up from the bowl she was making, Genevieve pressed her lips together and pushed her glasses up her nose with her forearm. "I didn't even notice that it was July already," she admitted softly. After losing their baby, time was not a tangible concept for her. "I can pack another picnic for you if you'd like. I'll even wear a summer dress that you can take off afterwards."

"As nice as that sounds, my darling, I don't want you to think you owe me sex on our anniversary," he responded. Gen stopped pressing down on the pedal and wiped her hands on the nearby towel as she looked up at him. That statement had gotten her attention and she didn't realize how quick she was to assume. Katie had told her that was part of her trauma response.

"You're much happier after we've had sex, I sort of just assume at this point," she said softly. She stared down at her clay, completely unsure what she wanted to do with this piece. She just knew she wanted to create a bowl. "What do you want to do, then?"

"We haven't had a date night in what feels like forever," he frowned as he started marking things off in his calendar. She glanced up at her partner and stood to sit next to him, leaning her head against his shoulder. He turned to kiss her head. "What sorts of things do you miss?"

"I don't know," she admitted as her eyes drifted shut. "I'm sure you want to plan something big. You're a sweet, hopeless romantic and it's very cute. I'll be appreciative of whatever you do as long as I get a bottle of wine and can get wine drunk at the end of the night."

"I'm trying to be serious here," Severus sighed. "Princess, I want to do something nice for you. You never let me do nice things. You don't like that kind of attention because you said it makes you feel guilty."

"It does," she retorted. She wrapped her arm around his and stared down at the calendar. Her eyes scanned what day it was and she felt her stomach drop in her chest. Severus had continued speaking to her but she had no idea what he was saying until he was calling her name out.

"Gen? Gen, my love," he said. His tone was concerning and she eventually looked up at him. There was no light in her eyes and he sighed as he cupped her face in his hands. "Darling, can you hear me?"

"I really just want to get wine drunk, do something small, have good sex, and fall asleep in your arms," she whispered. Her voice wavered and Severus turned his body in to face her. "Please, Sev."

"Your mood shifted," he pointed out. He pressed the back of his hand to her forehead and pressed behind her ears with his fingers to check if she was warm but she was perfectly fine. "What are you thinking about? What's wrong, sweetheart?"

"We would be meeting our baby next month," she mumbled brokenly as a few tears escaped down her cheeks. Severus immediately wiped them away as he cupped her face. "You said it's July and our baby was due in August. Right now, I would have been feeling her move inside me, and she would have known her Papa's voice, and I would be nesting and folding clothes and getting everything ready for our daughter and I just... it feels crushing right now to think about."

"Oh my darling, I know," he soothed as he kissed her forehead. Silent tears were running down her cheeks now and he took her glasses off her face so that he could wipe her eyes. She was still emotionally affected by what had happened in February and she did a very good job at not reminding herself of their miscarriage until she was triggered and everything she bottled up hit her at once. "Let's get you cleaned up and maybe we can take a bath, yes? Something to calm you down?"

"Do you still want children?" she sputtered without thinking. She bit her lip at her poor impulse control and closed her eyes. There was no backpedaling that question; it was blunt. But over the last five months, she had thought about it. She had never voiced it to Severus, though.

"Yes, I do," Severus admitted as he stroked her chin softly with his thumb. He was certain of that since she had told him she was pregnant. "However, I know you've expressed some impartiality towards motherhood so if you don't want to be a mother after losing our daughter then that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make for you."

"I just talked to Katie about this a few weeks ago," she whispered as she wiped her eyes with her forearm. She still had dried clay on her hands. "She asked me what I think of when I visualize the future. I told her I wanted to remain a professor here at Hogwarts, that I wanted to continue with my alchemy research, that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, and that I wanted to have your babies. I want to be a mum and I realized that, but I think I'd only want to be a mum with you. I don't think I'd want children with anyone else."

"Well, you're already very well off with your teaching and research careers, you're a brilliant witch, and I've already told you that I'm spending the rest of my life with you," he pointed out with a soft smile. He tucked some of her hair behind her ear, twirling his fingers around her ponytail sweetly. "You said babies _plural_. How many children do you want?"

"Not as many as the Weasleys," she grumbled with an eye roll. She blinked back the remainder of her tears but Severus couldn't help but laugh at that comment. "I was classmates with Bill Weasley and his youngest sister Ginny just started this past fall. That is too many children over a decade, I couldn't do that. Maybe two or three. Four would be pushing it. However, if you only wanted one child then I would settle as long as I get to see _one_ mini version of you."

"Your mother was a Lovegood. Their blonde and blue-eyed genetics are in your blood," he pointed out. "Both my parents had dark hair and eyes. I look like my mother."

"You never talk about your parents besides their obvious abuse and neglect," she frowned. "I wouldn't have known that about you – that you look like your mother."

"There's nothing really to say. My dad was abusive, my mum neglectful. I grew up hating myself and fantasizing about remaining at Hogwarts to avoid them. My mum always took me to platform 9¾ and kissed my head before I left. That's the one kind thing I remember her doing. She was always fighting with my father." Severus shrugged and stood up off the floor. "But that's irrelevant. We can have as many children as your heart desires and truthfully, Gen, whenever you want to try for a baby we can discuss it."

"You look irritated. Go sit down on the sofa. I'm going to wash my hands and then we can talk more about children because this isn't a conversation that should be handled lightly."

Severus did what she had told him to and grumbled as he got up to sit on the sofa. Genevieve washed her hands and scrubbed away all the clay before she walked back into the common room and slid into his lap, her thighs on either side of him as she tilted his chin up to kiss him.

"I'm not going to ask you to try for a baby anytime soon. I don't think I'm ready to go through all that again. I'm still healing and only recently have I been okay with us taking it slow. Most importantly, I want to discuss what _you_ want as a parent because I already have some things in my head for how I want to raise a child," she stated as she played with the hair at the nape of his neck.

"I don't think you're in a good enough place either," he admitted as he cupped her face in his hands. He kissed her nose. "I would say more than half the time we try to have sex you shut down with flashbacks, so I think the stress of a pregnancy and eventually having a newborn baby would make that and other emotional responses you have worse. I don't want that for us."

Gen bit her lip as she twirled some of his dark hair with her fingers. He leaned into the affection. "You're right but I feel guilty about that. It's not fair to you that sometimes you get laid and other times I'm sobbing because I can't stop thinking about what happened to me and by extension sex is triggering."

"My love, I couldn't give a shit about that. You have no need to feel guilty. It is _your_ recovery. We will move at _your_ pace. If that means one time you just want me to go down on you or to use a toy on you and the next you want me to make love to you then that's okay. Sex isn't everything to me," he reminded her.

"I love you," she said softly as she kissed him. Severus returned it and pulled her closer against his chest so he could rub her back. She relaxed almost immediately. "I want our children to know Dutch whether or not you try to learn it. It's a major part of who I am and I really want to share the language and the culture with them."

"I can learn Dutch for you," he responded. He had been thinking about doing that for a while, especially for when she was upset and English left her brain or in the event she wound up in the hospital again with Dutch-speaking doctors. She was most comfortable being treated in Amsterdam for many things and he wouldn't force her to choose a hospital in Scotland. She would panic. "And you can teach our children Dutch."

Genevieve snuggled herself into his body and hummed softly as he slid his hand beneath her shirt to lightly scratch her back. "I can teach you Dutch. It's quite hard and makes absolutely no sense from a non-native speaker's perspective, but I can help you. I've been trying to learn German too. It's so similar that I can understand it if it was spoken to me but I can't speak it back. It's sort of like how Spanish and Italian are similar. Dutch is a love child between English and German so it seems natural to learn it."

"Hm, another language for you to randomly switch into? That sounds like _so_ much fun," he mumbled sarcastically. Genevieve laughed softly and hit his wrist. "Hey, be nice, princess. Don't be a brat."

"I'm not," she pouted. "Anyways, how do you want to parent?"

"Occlumency," he said gently. "I would want them to master it early on. No magic until they attend Hogwarts. I also don't want to be the mean parent. I can't look into the eyes of our baby and tell them no. I can barely tell _you_ no and you're a grown adult. Defense against the dark arts skills are also required."

"That's a lot," she said with a scrunched nose as she tucked her arms against her abdomen. "I'll be the mean parent and I agree no magic before Hogwarts. The other two will be a you thing, I can't teach them that. _You_ know those. I don't."

"You need to," he pointed out. "We need to start those lessons soon."

Severus took in everything she had to say and his heart skipped wildly at the idea. She turned her head to look up at him; she could hear it thump against her ear. "Your heart is racing. Good or bad?"

"Good," he sighed as he ran his fingers through her hair. "With you, it's always good."


	32. PART THIRTY-TWO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: smut, beginning of mania, mention of self-harm, toxic argument

During adolescence, Amsterdam thunderstorms had always been Genevieve's favorite. During the summers where she use to visit Anki, she would sit with a hot cup of tea in her sun room and simply watch the darkened sky swirl ominously as lilac lightning struck in the distance. It was soothing the way everything else seemed to quiet – including her racing thoughts. The steady pitter-patter would progress to uneven beating of raindrops hitting the windows and the roof above her. It was eerily chaotic yet calming and she loved it. Given her childhood, it did not surprise her that the same level of calmness and nostalgia would hit her while roaming the city with her partner during the pouring rain. It had not started out that way, though.

Genevieve fought with Severus several times about what her boundaries were surrounding their anniversary. She was never comfortable with big celebrations or being spoiled because it heightened her anxiety levels and triggered trauma responses that ruined the holiday in general. However, she had negotiated one holiday that he could spoil her as much as he liked: their anniversary. That morning, Severus woke up Genevieve with lots of soft kisses and a Dutch breakfast that he attempted to make. He had read one of her recipe cards and used a translation charm in order to read it. Of course she loved it. He also bought her pumpkin pasties from Honeydukes – her absolute favorite – and a plethora of small gifts. Her favorite of course being the most simple of them: a simple necklace chain without any sort of locket, pendent, or gem that Severus specified was to keep Luuk's ring on so she never lost it. Inevitably, she sobbed about her brother and smothered her partner in kisses.

Around mid-morning, just as the couple was winding down to spend some quality time together, Genevieve had the sudden idea to go to Amsterdam and to bring her partner along for the trip. She practically begged him and offered any sort of repayment if he went with her, however, he didn't need any of that. He simply loved how happy she was. Amsterdam held a very big piece of her heart and reminded her of happier times, but Severus had a completely different association. The city reminded him of each of Genevieve's hospitalizations: two for bipolar disorder treatment and once for the loss of their unborn baby. He tried to create a new association that day as she led him around the city, but her main reason for going was to look around in her favorite bookshop that she had not been to since the summer before she graduated from Hogwarts.

In Hogsmeade, not only were all the books available purely magic related, they were all in English. With Genevieve's first language being Dutch and having grown up in the Muggle world per her mother's demand, she had grown up with her nose in books written in Dutch. It was a rare occasion that she could shlep her potter's wheel to Amsterdam when she visited Anki so she had settled on indulging her imagination with fiction instead. Therefore, she was incredibly childlike the moment she stepped into the shop.

Genevieve's fingers brushed along the spines of many different books. She picked up a few and read the synopsis on the inner covers, conversing with the bookshop owner in Dutch about some of the books she had picked out. Severus followed her around awkwardly; he had not attempted to learn the language yet and his brain hurt trying to listen to the odd phonetics. He had no idea what any of the books were saying and due to being in the Muggle world, he could not take out his wand for a translation charm.

After what seemed like hours (but was perhaps only twenty minutes or so), Genevieve had picked out three books that would tie her over for a long time. She had turned into her purse to grab her wallet and take out the proper amount of euros, but Severus stopped her and insisted that he pay for her books as a final attempt to spoil her. She argued with him for a moment which made the bookshop owner quite uncomfortable, but in an attempt to go home, she ceded and let him pay. The shop owner wrapped each book in old newspaper and tied them with twine which truthfully was her favorite part about the shop. It felt very personalized and she loved it.

As the couple left the bookshop, Genevieve turned to use the Extension Charm on her purse and shove each book in it one at a time. She realized the moment she closed her purse that it had begun to rain and if possible her smile had grown much bigger. Severus was not fond of the rain; he enjoyed the cozy feeling of cuddling up with his partner _inside_ versus getting drenched, but he had a feeling Genevieve loved it due to the insane behavior she pulled almost two years prior that one snowy November she demanded he dance with her. He was right. She was chaotic yet predictable.

Knowing the rain was not her partner's favorite, Genevieve intertwined his fingers with hers and attempted to lead him to the closest alleyway she could find so that could apparate back to Scotland and spend the rest of their anniversary dry and distraction-free. However, as Genevieve walked ahead of him with a little skip in her step, Severus was extremely distracted by the way the rain drench her and made her short lilac summer dress hug her frame. He couldn't stop staring at her ass and every time he turned around his eyes always trailed from her eyes to her breasts. Eventually he realized that she wasn't wearing a bra nor was she wearing panties and as they turned into an alleyway, he spun her around by her hips and pulled her in for a kiss.

"You, my darling, are not wearing a bra, nor are you wearing knickers," he purred against her lips. He watched as her cheeks flushed a soft pink color and he gently pressed her back against the brick wall of the alleyway. At that moment, she felt like a teenager again and that was the energy she really wanted on their anniversary so she indulged in his observation.

Genevieve kissed him again the moment she felt the cold brick wall against her otherwise wet back and purposely led his hands up her waist and over her breasts. Despite the July humidity, goosebumps covered Genevieve's pale skin and her hands were cold and by extension it meant her nipples were hard and it was easy for him to tell she had not been wearing a bra. Severus traced them through her dress with his thumb which earned a soft sigh from her lips.

"I forgot to put one on today," she lied through her teeth with a sly grin. Her breath caught in her throat and she leaned her head back against the wall as his hands trailed down her body and ultimately crept beneath her dress. She enjoyed the feeling of rain on her face but enjoyed the sensation of his lips on her throat even more.

"If you take me home, you can take my dress off and I'll be such a good girl for you," she responded breathlessly. Severus pressed one last kiss to her soft skin before he stepped back and wiped the smeared lipstick from her lips with his thumb. Her eyes trailed the way his wet clothes hugged his body. "Merlin, you're so sexy."

"You're a tease, pretty girl," he said sternly as he pressed a soft kiss to her lips. Genevieve's heart was racing in her chest and she squeaked slightly when he pulled her back from the brick wall to prepare to apparate. She cupped his wet face in her hands and kissed him again and Severus countered it by pulling her closer by her waist.

"I'm not a tease if I plan on letting you fuck me," she retorted strongly. Though breathless, Severus held onto her wrist tightly and raised his brows. She realized as she looked into his dark eyes that her response was not something he had liked to hear from her; her tone was more defensive and he interpreted it as threatening his otherwise dominant personality.

"Are you back talking me?" he continued as he pulled his wand out of his pocket. Genevieve felt her stomach flutter and regret flashed in her eyes. She took a deep breath. "Oh, you won't be able to walk when I'm done with you."

Without another word, the couple apparated back to Hogwarts. While Genevieve's brain was fogged with what he was about to do to her, Severus took note of the fact it was not raining in Scotland which he liked a lot more. As they advanced through the corridors of the castle towards their quarters, they could not keep their hands off of each other. It continued to fuel Gen's thoughts about her teenage years and turned her on even more. They were both thankful that it was dark and that the other professors who lived there full-time, like Minerva, would not be roaming that halls at that hour. Severus had successfully unzipped her dress and was attempting to remove it prior to even reaching their front door.

The moment the doors closed behind them, Genevieve kicked off her shoes and tossed her purse down while Severus finished removing her dress. She reached up to kiss him deeply, her hands skillfully unbuckling his belt as he pulled her closer to him by cupping her face. He realized in that moment just how cold her skin was and only broke their kiss so he could mutter, "Go and light the fireplace. You're freezing."

Already on edge from his threat of back talk, Genevieve scrambled to do what she was told though as she lit the fireplace she could only think about what he was going to do to her. It elicited fear and excitement in a way that she hadn't felt in a while and her brain was fogged with the idea of getting laid on their anniversary rather than the temperature of her body. However, the additional heat did feel nice and she took that moment while Severus talked into their common room to squeeze the excess water out of her hair. She sat back on her heels as she waited for him almost like an obedient puppy.

Having gotten his pants off, Severus was unbuttoning his shirt. Too eager to really care about the repercussions of her choices, she pulled him closer to her by his hips and firmly grabbed his cock. Her tongue dragged from the underside of the base to the tip before she took the entire length of it in her mouth. Severus moaned lowly as the wet shirt slid off his shoulders and was distracted for a moment by her impatience but quickly grabbed onto her dark hair and pulled her back so she stopped sucking him off.

"Get on the sofa," he demanded sternly but Genevieve refused to listen to him. She pulled him closer again and took his cock in her mouth which earned another moan but he yanked her hair back again. "I said _get on the sofa_. _Now_."

"No," she retorted as she sat back on her heels. Her heart was pounding at her blatant disregard for his orders and it only increased when he leaned down to grab her chin between his forefinger and thumb. He forced her to make eye contact with him which made her eyes darken with fear. "Fuck me here," she said slightly less strong.

"I'm not fucking you on the damn floor. Get your pretty ass up on the sofa," Severus continued harshly. " _Now_."

"No, you're not fucking me on the sofa. You're sitting on the floor and I'm going to ride you," she responded back to him. Severus grew immensely irritated at her refusal to listen to him and ran his hand over his face. His stomach was fluttering at her misbehavior despite his irritation, so without much warning, he grabbed onto her bicep and pulled her to her feet and over to the sofa. He sat down.

"I don't know who gave you the right to talk to me like that," he reprimanded as he pat his knee. Gen's heart skipped a beat and she shifted her weight between her feet with her hands folded in front of her. She looked almost like a child the way she warily peered at him. "You're being a fucking brat and I don't like it. Come here. Bend over."

Heart now beating wildly against her ribcage, she got down to bend over his knee like he had commanded. She mentally and physically braced herself for what was going to happen but she still wasn't prepared when his hand came in sharp contact with her ass. A moan escaped her throat and she bit her lip as her cheeks flushed a soft pink color. She pressed her hand to her mouth to suppress her moans. Severus repeated the motion several times until he was satisfied with how she writhed and the way her skin turned a delicious shade of pink. His hand mark was left on her otherwise soft skin.

"I'm sorry," she croaked through tears as her ass stung. A few escaped and her eyes darted back and forth as she processed her punishment. "I'm sorry, daddy. I'll be good. I promise I'll be good."

Hand pressed into her back, Severus leaned down to kiss the side of her head as she started trembling. She closed her eyes and was surprised by his soft kiss, but stood up and wiped her eyes as he had let her. He pulled her closer to him by her hips and trailed soft kisses down to her pussy to soften her otherwise uptight demeanor now. She was still wiping away tears and he was wary that perhaps she would be using the safe word but that concern melted away when she raked her fingers through his hair and sighed softly.

"Do you still want to be on top?" he asked as he looked up at her. Gen was still taking in deep breaths as she cupped his face in her hands but she nodded. She blinked back tears as she tried to respond but she couldn't. Therefore, Severus continued. "You can be on top, but I'm going to talk and you're going to listen. Am I clear?"

"Yes, daddy," she ceded as she straddled his lap. Her ass still stung as she lowered herself against his thighs and she tensed, but she began to loosen up when she felt his lips on her throat.

Severus trailed kisses down her neck and between her breasts which made her head fall back. He took this as encouragement that what he was doing was okay and swirled his tongue around each of her nipples as his hand stroked between her thighs painstakingly slow. She gasped and made a little hum noise, moving her hips down against the touch desperately.

"Whose pussy is this, princess?" he asked as he started leaving hickeys along her chest. Genevieve cradled his head against her chest, desperately trying to make the feeling last. His fingers began rubbing quick circles around her clit which elicited a soft moan.

"Yours," she sighed as her breathing quickened. Liking how she responded to the nipple play, Severus once again returned his mouth to give it more attention. He lightly dragged his teeth along her nipples and she moaned again. "It's your pussy, daddy. It's all yours."

"That's right, pretty girl," he praised as he leaned up to kiss her.

Genevieve felt her stomach flutter at his words and she grabbed the base of his throat to keep him looking at her. He allowed it, not really wanting to upset her anymore with any additional punishments, but used the eye contact to his advantage. He inserted two fingers into her and his cock throbbed at her reaction; she gasped with her lips parted slightly and forced herself to sit down more. Severus continued to stroke her clit with his thumb as he curled his fingers.

"I've barely touched you and you're already soaked for me. Such a desperate little girl, what am I going to do with you?" Severus clicked his tongue at her. Genevieve never broke eye contact with him and instead kissed him deeply, but the touch made him withdraw his fingers from her. That triggered frantic frustration in the young woman.

Spitting in her hand, Genevieve grabbed his cock firmly in her hand and pumped it quickly in her palm. Severus moaned loudly but grabbed her wrist roughly. He raised a brow at her boldness and shoved her hand back.

"What do you think you're doing?" he snapped. "Who gave you permission?"

"Fuck me," she sputtered in frustration. Tears were running down her face again and Severus suddenly worried perhaps she was overstimulated. She never cried this much, but she also wasn't using the safe word. "Fuck me while I ride you, I want to feel so good. Please. I'll be a good girl and I'll do whatever you tell me to do. I'll suck you off. You could fuck me in the ass for all I care, but please. Please."

The last one caused Severus to raise his eyebrow in curiosity. He wasn't interested in anal but now he wondered if she was and that was something he was uncomfortable with. It also wasn't something he picked up on so perhaps she was just reasoning. "Please what?" he responded sharply. Her cheeks were now red with how frustrated she was.

"Please, daddy," Gen whimpered. Satisfied with her pleas, Snape adjusted the way he was sitting on the sofa so that he was leaning back against the cushion and let his hands rest along her hips. She pathetically wiped her eyes.

"There are your manners," he purred sweetly. She sat up on her knees as she took deep breaths to keep herself calm and Severus pressed the head of his cock into her. He was incredibly impatient and would have preferred turning her over face down into the sofa to fuck her but he was satisfied knowing she would be feeling really good. "Sit down, princess. Take my cock."

Without any hesitation, Gen sat down on his cock and took his entire length without any adjustment. She tensed slightly and gripped onto his shoulders as her thighs trembled. Severus stroked the side of her hips sweetly with his thumbs as a form of encouragement, but she seemed hesitant and she seemed like she was in pain.

"Do you want to stop?" Severus asked softly. His tone had completely softened and he now grew concerned as he reached up to cup her face in his hands. She looked out of it, perhaps insecure, but she shook her head. "Do you want to try something else, then? A different position? You're worrying me."

With another head shake, Genevieve sat up on her knees again and took a deep breath as she took his cock again. She did this a few times, each time becoming quicker and the more relaxed she appeared. There was a sense of confidence that spread across her features and in her body language, and Severus watched with hazy eyes as she leaned forward. She moaned as she started bouncing quicker on his cock and each of her movements started being met with an upward thrust of his hips. Gen was completely relaxed now and her moans steadily increased in volume with her nails dug into his shoulders.

"You're such a good girl," Severus moaned as he shoved her hips down with his hands roughly. "Oh my Merlin, you're such a good girl."

Straightaway, Genevieve's thighs had started burning but she leaned closer into her partner for more support and to make it less stressful on her knees. The sight of her breasts in his face made his cock throb and the change in angle made his stomach flutter. He knew with how she had teased him that he would not last much longer; his moans were progressively louder and his breathing grew ragged.

"Touch yourself for me, princess," he begged as his eyes drifted to the way his cock slid in and out of her. The sight made his heart stop in his chest and he dug his nails into her hips to try and control her more. "Fuck, I'm going to come. Touch yourself _now_."

Without any hesitation, Gen started rubbing quick circles on her clit. The added pleasure caused her legs to shake and her moans increased in volume and her head fell back as Severus came. The added sensation of his cock pulsing and the spreading warm made her come not too far behind him and she continued bouncing on his cock until she was too sensitive and tired to move.

Collapsing against her partner with his cock still inside her, Genevieve buried her face into his neck and tucked her arms against her abdomen as she tried to catch her breath. Severus was panting as he stroked her hair with his eyes shut. Neither of them could speak for several minutes.

"I love you," Genevieve whispered as she craned her neck to press one soft kiss to the base of his throat. She smiled softly and scrunched her nose at the slight hum of his voice vibrating. "So much, mijn schatje. You have no idea."

"I love you too, sweet girl," he murmured back to her as he pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head. He stared up at the ceiling for a moment. "Are you okay? You looked like you were in pain before, or that you didn't want to continue. I know you didn't use the safe word but I wanted to check in with you anyways.

"I was just tense," she shrugged as he eyes drifted shut. "And I didn't feel sexy looking at my body like that. Not after I gained weight."

"Believe me," Severus sighed. "You were _extremely_ sexy. Happy anniversary, my love."

"Happy anniversary, Sev," she repeated back to him with a smile.

* * *

The entire teaching staff at Hogwarts, per usual, was seated at the long table in Dumbledore's office. With term starting up again, this was their first meeting to adjust to the upcoming year and discuss any questions, concerns, and changes. Inevitably, a new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor would be introduced and they would be someone Genevieve would unavoidably need to work with. Nobody knew what had happened leading up to Lockhart's murder except for Severus, Genevieve, and Minerva but the remaining professors were relieved he was no longer employed there. They would never say they were glad he was dead, but subconsciously Gen knew they probably would verbalize it if it weren't for their personal morals.

Genevieve was tense at the table as she waited for their meeting to begin. She had begged to Merlin that whoever the new professor was that it was a woman so her anxieties could fade into nothing and that she could be safe for one year. However, as she had stepped into the meeting and met the eyes of the new professor, she realized that _he_ was not a woman. Dread consumed her. Minerva held her hand under the table to try and soothe her but it was useless.

As he had been lately, Severus strolled into the Headmaster's office late but froze the moment he met eyes with the new professor. His cloak halted immediately behind him and his eyes flickered with distaste.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," he grumbled as he sat down in his usual seat across from his partner. Genevieve raised a brow at his remark but otherwise kept herself calm as Dumbledore began speaking. Katie had told her not to generalize or jump to conclusions about men and to remember she was safe. Breathing also helped, but that was bullshit lately.

"I'm sure some of you remember him because he was a student here, but our new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor is Remus Lupin," Dumbledore announced. He was much more blunt than usual which piqued everyone's attention. Severus looked visibly annoyed and Genevieve kicked him underneath the table. She hated when he got like this; it was unprofessional.

Remus eyed the room warily before his gaze rested upon Minerva, who had taught him, Severus, who was his classmate, and ultimately to Genevieve. She was young, he noted. Possibly a recent graduate from Hogwarts.

"It's nice to see you all again," Lupin said with a soft smile. Genevieve immediately liked the energy he put forth. She was wary of course, but he was much softer, seemed gentle, and was definitely more humble than Gilderoy. "I'm sure it will be a pleasure working together."

Dumbledore gestured towards the empty seat at the end of the table which Lupin did not hesitate to take. The remainder of the staff eyed him for a second before they turned their attention back to the Headmaster.

"Some things have changed since you were a student but some are the same, Remus. I'll remind you of the roles of our staff right now and then later I'll explain what meetings are like and what materials you'll be needing. Currently as it stands, our Head of Houses are Minerva for Gryffindor, Filius for Ravenclaw, Pomona for Hufflepuff, and Severus for Slytherin," Dumbledore started. Severus and Remus locked eyes again.

"We also have a new area of study that's recently been reinstated but amended for modern usage and it intertwines quite a bit with your defense class. We've introduced the healing magic courses again and they're taught by Genevieve. Most students with this as an interest go on to become healers, but sometimes a student learns it simply for defense purposes hence the overlap. The intersection of healing magic and dark magic is Genevieve's particular area of interest but she also teaches the upperclassmen alchemy elective. The rest of the courses are the same from when you were a student. I think you and Genevieve will get along very well – there aren't many Gryffindors here these days besides Minerva and I – therefore your communication will be easy."

"That's a nice change of pace," Lupin said with a soft smile. Severus had a gut feeling that whatever would happen between Remus and Genevieve was going to cause more issues this year but he could not tell with what. It made him nauseous and it wasn't something he had felt before. Genevieve offered a soft smile back to her new colleague.

"You two can converse later and if you have any issues please talk to me. Genevieve, I know you saw the horrendous course plans from last term so I would like you to rework them with Remus sometime within the next few days. Prior to term starting of course," Dumbledore said with a smile. Genevieve rolled her eyes.

"Seriously? It's Friday, the students arrive Sunday evening for the Sorting Ceremony and Start of Term Feast, and classes start Monday morning," she pointed out. "Gilderoy completely ruined the Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson plans. Why did you wait?"

"I'm sure you'll have it done," was all he responded. Genevieve's anxiety tightened in her chest and when she looked at her partner for some sort of silent comfort but Severus was too busy glaring at Lupin. He looked angry or scared. Maybe both.

"I'll have it done," Genevieve grumbled irritably. That attitude caught Snape's attention and he finally looked at his partner, but she narrowed her eyes at him. She was fuming and he knew it was not a good sign.

Clasping his hands together, Dumbledore offered a soft smile to his colleagues. "That's it for this meeting. I know you all have your lesson plans perfect from last term so unless you have any issues with them, stay. Otherwise, you're free to leave. Have a good evening, everyone."

"Severus," Genevieve said a bit too sharply. Severus looked up as if he were in trouble and guilt consumed him. Remus raised a brow at the interaction but became increasingly more confused when the two left the room with their fingers intertwined and with Snape repeatedly kissing her head. Remus took note of her soft laugh and the way her mood lightened. He had never seen Severus like that.

As the professors filed out of the Headmaster's office, Remus turned to Minerva who was by the door. She was the only person he had any sort of relationship with given that she was Head of House during his time at Hogwarts and therefore he spent ample time with her.

"Professor McGonagall," Remus called out after her. "Do you have a moment?"

"Of course," Minerva said with her brows furrowed. She tucked her books against her chest and took her reading glasses off her face, folding them onto the neckline of her dress. "What do you need?"

"I never thought I'd live to see the day Severus Snape had a proper girlfriend," he started as the two started walking through the corridor. "She makes him nervous. And she's a Gryffindor?"

Minerva simply shrugged. "She doesn't make him nervous unless she's upset with him and then he's like a little puppy. They have a very interesting dynamic but it works really well. Genevieve is a sweet girl and I'm sure the two of you will get along perfectly fine. Just be patient with her. She's gone through a lot in the last year, Remus."

"She's dating Severus," he frowned. "That's a lot in and of itself."

Minerva stopped in her tracks and stared at the werewolf with her eyes narrowed. Just as Genevieve was like a daughter to her, by extension she was very protective of Severus. "Severus is not the reason. Not in the slightest. Any childish, immature grudge shouldn't be held against him. He is a very different man from when you were children; you'll see it soon enough. Nobody has seen him like this."

Remus didn't know what to say. It was difficult to try and think of Severus as someone who loved and cared for another human being besides Lily; he was absolutely broken when she cut ties with him in exchange for the Marauders and to his knowledge continued to love her through her death. Everyone did; Lily was more than lovable.

Offering a smile to her student, Minerva continued, "Have a good evening, Remus. If you need anything I suggest reaching out to Genevieve or to Severus. They're most knowledgeable about the dark arts."

"Actually before you go," Remus said as he cleared his throat. He tucked his hands behind his back. "Do you know when Genevieve is available?"

Minerva looked down at her watch and furrowed her brows, her lips pressed together as she concentrated. It was Friday during the very early evening hours. "You could try her office now, she's usually in there until dinner but it's also Friday and she and Severus typically have date nights on Fridays. Otherwise, she won't be back in her office until Monday morning. If you need to contact her about your course materials I would definitely do that now."

"Thank you." With that, Remus went to the healing magic wing of the castle where he heard distant muttering. As he approached the sound, he quickly realized whatever was being said was not in English but in some sort of Germanic language he couldn't pinpoint. Upon lingering in her doorway, she noticed Genevieve was speaking another language very quickly while she paced and appeared to be panicked. Severus had his wand out with the translator charm going because she was so worked up and he had not started learning the language yet. Remus knocked.

Taking a deep breath, Genevieve wiped her eyes when she saw Remus in the doorway. Severus turned around and glared at the familiar werewolf and resisted the urge to snap at him. Remus sighed and took a step back.

"I'm sorry, I can come back later if you'd like," Remus ceded. Genevieve shook her head, wiped her eyes, and beckoned him with her hand as she sat back at her desk.

"No it's fine, I'm fine. Severus, my love, can you go wait for me at home? Then we can go out," she said softly. Severus remained standing where he was with his fists clenched with one hand gripping onto his wand tightly. He didn't want to leave his childhood bully with his partner but now she was glaring at him. Finally, Severus sighed and nodded.

"Okay, but if you need something you come get me," he responded as he leaned in to kiss the side of her head. He completely ignored Remus and left while Genevieve gathered herself. When she was presentable emotionally, she forced a smile and looked up at her new colleague. He simply pulled a chocolate bar out of the pocket of his jacket and placed it on her desk.

"Chocolate makes everything tolerable," Remus pointed out with a soft smile. "Even Severus. Eat, you'll feel better."

"I don't tolerate Severus," she responded as she hesitantly grabbed the chocolate bar. She skimmed the back for any sort of caloric content and when there was none, she simply placed it on her desk and refused to touch it. Remus raised a brow at the interaction. "I love him."

"I didn't think I'd ever live to see the day Severus had a girlfriend," Lupin continued. He crossed his leg and tapped his fingers along his knee as he looked around his colleague's office. "It's quite nice. I didn't think he could ever get over Lily."

That sentence made Genevieve slightly uncomfortable and she shifted in her chair. She knew Snape loved her and he had shown her in more ways than one but there was always a twinge of jealously that peaked through whenever someone mentioned how in love he was with Lily. Part of her knew she paled in comparison.

"Girlfriend sounds so juvenile," she acknowledged as she followed his line of sight. She realized he was looking at all the moving pictures she had forced Severus to take over the time they've been together just so she could rub it in his face how absolutely handsome he was. "We consider each other partners. How do you know him?"

"He was my classmate," he said with a half smile. "My year."

Genevieve paused to think. The scars on his face were extremely similar to the ones seen on a boy in the memories Severus had shown her in the Pensieve. She immediately figured he had to have been one of the four boys who had harassed Severus for his house and upbringing. "A friend of James Potter, am I correct? I knew you were familiar. He showed me through the Pensieve."

Remus was shocked at how much Severus appeared to trust her. He had always been withdrawn and private during their school years, he could not imagine he would have handed over those memories without reason. Ultimately that was all the evidence he needed that Severus was deeply in love with this woman.

"Of course he did," Remus sighed. "I try not to keep childish grudges. I'm nothing is not amicable with your partner."

"I don't doubt you, Remus," she shrugged. "Severus has also made very questionable choices so I've no room for judgement. What do you need?"

"I just wanted to chat with you quickly about our courses. They start Monday and we now have two days to revise them, so I was wondering what your availability would be like these next two days. I don't know how awful it is until I look at it and I wanted to be proactive if that's alright with you," he responded. His voice was smooth, even, and definitely not something Genevieve was used to.

She liked how polite he was, how his clothes were neat and his hair smoothed down. It was very obvious he put effort into looking nice but was not vain like Gilderoy had been. The way he spoke to her sounded genuine and not condescending as if he viewed her as his equal and not a walking fuck toy. It was nice. Despite how wary she still was around men and the large amount of distance she kept from Remus, she enjoyed competency. It was relieving.

"I have it in my filing cabinet. However, it's more than just awful. It's atrocious and possibly the most disorganized and disengaging curriculum I've ever seen. I tried to rework it with the previous professor but he was too arrogant and insisted his work was right."

Genevieve stood from her desk and crouched beside the tall metal organizer. Her fingers traced the spines of bound parchments until she came across both the Defense Against the Dark Arts curriculum and her Healing Magic curriculum. She handed them both over to him.

"Thank you," Remus said with a smile. He took note of the way she kept more than an arms length away from him at all times and appeared nervous whenever he moved too fast. It worried him. "I know we've just met, but if you need anything my office door is always open and I keep my chocolate in the second drawer of my desk. You're always welcome to help yourself. And as vindictive and ominous as Severus is, he has a very good taste in women so take with that what you will. Would we be able to meet tomorrow morning? Early? I don't know if you sleep in or not, but–"

"No," Genevieve reassured with a soft smile. "No, I'm a morning person. Severus hates it. I wake and rest with the sun so I'm up quite early. I can meet you back here in my office at 7am? Is that too early for you?"

"That's perfect," he responded as he pressed his palm to the cover of the parchments. He took note of the neat penmanship on the cover and endless annotations. "I'll look these over tonight, but I'm sure yours are more than perfect. I'll see you later, sunshine. Have a good evening."

Without thinking, Genevieve sputtered, "Het is leuk u te ontmoeten. Tot ziens."

Remus raised a brow. "What language is that?"

Genevieve pressed her lips together and took a deep breath. "It's Dutch. It's my first language and I switch back into it when I get stressed. I said it's nice to meet you and goodbye."

"Ah," he smiled. "Well, it's nice to meet you too."

* * *

Within the last few days, Genevieve had been an absolute train wreck. While Remus had been nothing but kind and understanding of her, she was consumed by an irrational fear that he would hurt her the same way Gilderoy did which elicited multiple trauma responses and panic attacks over the weekend. Severus helped her through all of them, but she wasn't sleeping or eating, she often switched to Dutch, and her speech was pressured. He recognized that as early signs of mania and took the proper precautions to make sure it was mild; her medications were working amazingly and if he kept her routine the same, Katie said it would decrease the likelihood it would interfere drastically and require inpatient again. For the first time in a long time, Severus was hopeful.

That morning as the two were getting ready for work, Genevieve had been reorganizing her closet. Initially, she was set on finding something to wear but she was distracted by her manic thoughts and started sorting through her clothes without really explaining what she was doing. Severus heard her muttering in Dutch as she sorted everything by item, sleeve length, color, and finally season. She rationalized it as 'spring cleaning' but it was nearing the end of summer and Severus knew it wasn't that.

"I don't have anything to wear," Genevieve pressed as she once again started looking through her newly organized closet. She was standing there in the previous night's t-shirt and shorts with her hair pulled up out of her face. Severus simply raised a brow; he had already gotten himself ready for the first day of classes and was sitting on the bed reading a book to pass the time.

"My darling, you have plenty of clothes," Severus pointed out as he set his book down. He moved to the edge of the bed with his feet on the floor as he watched her hold things up to her body and decide what she wanted to wear. He noticed she kept going for long-sleeved blouses and trousers, both of which she never wore until at least mid-September. "It's still quite hot outside, why don't you wear a dress?"

"I don't want him to see my scars. I need to cover them," she said quickly as she turned back to face her partner. Her eyes searched his for something and Severus couldn't really figure out what based on her body language. Instead, she observed the concern glossed over his stare. "Don't look at me like that. I'm fine."

"You're manic," he said with a slight frown. She looked slightly frustrated with herself as she put her clothes on the bed and crawled into her partner's lap. He could feel her heart pounding as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close. "Remus isn't going to care about your scars. He has them too."

"It's different. His aren't self-inflicted or intentional," she mumbled as she felt him pet the back of her head. She took deep breaths as she tried to even out her mood but her brain felt like it was going a million miles a minute with new thoughts, ideas, and projects. "I'm sorry that I'm manic. I-I've been trying to take care of myself so it doesn't affect us or lands me in the psych ward again."

"We'll work on it, sweet girl," he soothed as he rubbed circles into her back. "We can ask Katie for more advice on dealing with mania and we'll go from there. Obviously I want to avoid readmitting you, but my darling it's not nocuous. If you and/or Katie decide you need it, you will go and I'll be here when you come back. But that's still worst case scenario, okay? I'm here and I'll support you through it."

"I love you," she sighed as she cupped his face in her hands. She kissed him sweetly and stroked his cheek with her thumb. "I love you so much, Sev."

"I love you too, princess," he said with a half-smile. The two of them basked in that short moment together but of course Genevieve was distracted by her thoughts and stood up to do something. Severus took note of it. "Have you taken your medications today?"

"With my tea this morning," she responded as she found something to wear. Without really giving any sort of warning she stripped and started pulling her new clothes on but Severus's heart stopped when he noticed new cuts on her upper hip.

"Genevieve," he said sternly. She realized her careless attempt at hiding her relapse was deplorable and she took a few steps back from her partner as she continued pulling her trousers up. When she didn't respond, he pulled her back towards him by her hips. "No, take off your trousers and let me have a look. _Now_."

"Get off me," she growled as she shoved him back. Tears were welling in her eyes. "I'm sorry. I made a mistake. I don't want to look at them."

"You were clean for over seven months," he retorted. Genevieve grew uncomfortable with the way he was talking to her and simply grabbed her wand to leave the room. She knew if she didn't leave that she would absolutely lose it on him. "Get your ass back over here, this conversation doesn't end here."

"It's not about you, Severus," she called back to him. She was taking deep breaths to try and calm herself down but she couldn't. The other night while they were preparing to go to bed, she had many thoughts which she hadn't recognized as the first signs of mania and the way she made them stop was with the razor. She felt pathetic as she had wiped the blood away.

Following her into the common area, Severus began projecting his fear as anger which she hadn't seen from him in a very long time. He turned her around by her waist and grabbed her wrists to make her look at him. She panicked and tried to pull back. "You were just bitching about your scars and now you're creating more. What the hell happened?"

"Don't touch me," she hissed as she successfully yanked her arms back. She rubbed her wrists beneath her long-sleeve blouse and took a few steps back, eyes wide with fear he had not seen before. "Don't talk to me like that either. It's not as black and white as it might be in your head so I don't appreciate the fucking judgement. I'm going to my office to get ready to teach. Leave me alone today."

Taking a deep breath, Severus watched his partner leave angrily and he realized exactly what he had said to her. His hands dropped to his sides and guilt sat uncomfortably in his chest as he blinked back tears. He didn't mean to grab her like that or talk to her that way. She looked so afraid and he was horrified by his behavior.

Much like the previous year, the first day of classes went perfectly smooth for Genevieve. All the first years liked her; though strict with her courses and cocky with her knowledge, she was a very approachable and loving professor. Hermione spent a lot of time with her as did some other students and she projected her child loss onto them. She mothered them a lot and grew overprotective of them, particularly Hermione.

On the other hand, the first years grew more and more afraid of Severus with each passing year. The upperclassmen were well aware of the consequences should anyone obtrude with their professor's life, but the younger students hadn't learned yet. Many house pointed had been deducted and Snape's blatant dislike for Gryffindors was stated. Inevitably, someone would point out that he was in relations with a Gryffindor which earned that student detention. It always did.

When Genevieve finally had time to breathe after her morning classes, she sat in her office organizing papers when she should have been eating lunch. Basic necessities seemed to take a backseat in her brain when it came to mania and she knew it was a problem but when she was set on something she couldn't take her attention away from it. That was until Lupin knocked on her door with a cup of tea. He simply wanted to wish her luck with the first years and to thank her for fixing his lessons plans with him, and while wary, Genevieve had begun warming up to him. Of course, her opinion of him was solidified upon a very specific interaction.

"It's quite hot outside today," Lupin acknowledged as he sat down in front of her desk. As he had been doing, he handed a few small chocolates to her which made her smile. She now kept a tiny bowl on her desk to put all the chocolate he had been giving her into. She hadn't eaten any nor was she used to this kindness. "Why are you hiding your scars when you could be comfortable?"

Taken back by his statement, Genevieve blinked perplexedly and tugged on her sleeves. Lupin furrowed his brows and took a deep breath. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I'm sorry."

"It's easiest on me," she responded as she disregarded his apology. Truthfully speaking her brain was circling other ideas rather than acknowledging her insecurities around her scars and Lupin immediately took note of how out of it she behaved. "I prefer not to look at them nor do I like others to see them."

"You've no reason to be ashamed," Remus reasoned. Genevieve met his green eyes and searched for any sort of logical reasoning as to why he was treating her like this. Her brain convinced her it was some sort of grooming behavior. "Scars do not make a person nor do they reflect their worth. If it's hot outside, wear short sleeves."

"I usually do," Gen mumbled with a shrug. She picked up her wand and leaned back in her desk chair as she twirled it between her fingers. "It's been difficult over the last six months, though."

"Every day is a new day, sunshine," he acknowledged with another soft smile as he looked up at the clock. "Alright, I have to get going. It's always nice to see you."

As Remus left her office, Gen started gathering her materials so that she could start teaching her upper level healing magic classes. She was becoming fond of Remus – he reminded her of Luuk.


	33. PART THIRTY-THREE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: manic behaviors, psychosis, description of self-harm wounds, psychiatric hospitalization, body image issues, mention of disordered eating

It was announced everywhere throughout Hogsmeade as well as within the otherwise secure walls of the Hogwarts castle that Sirius Black, a known serial murderer, had somehow escaped the extensive security of Azkaban. Rumors spread like wildfire that the reason behind it was that he sought Harry Potter and it was speculated that it had to do with the fact he supposedly gave up James and Lily Potter's location to the Dark Lord.

Having seen the interactions between the Marauders through the memories Severus had given her a year prior, Genevieve's gut instinct told her that the idea was completely and utterly false – it was merely gossip. However, to clarify things, she grabbed a copy of The Daily Prophet that showcased the story of the Azkaban break on the front page and walked into her partner's office without any common courtesy. She irritably slapped the paper down onto his desk and over the papers he had been grading.

"I know you've seen this," she said bluntly as she sat on the side of his desk. Placing his pen in the ink pot, he sighed irritably and glanced up at his partner. It was obvious in the way she carried herself that she was tense and agitated; Genevieve had tried to ignore her pounding heart and pressured thoughts. "You know him. I recognize him from your memories. He doesn't want Harry Potter and I know he doesn't. What does he want?"

"Genevieve, I'm doing work. Can we please talk about this later?" Severus responded a bit too sharply. He had meant to sound direct and to set a boundary, but having already been irritated with the papers he was grading, he sounded a bit short and instigating from Genevieve's perspective. She furrowed her brows at his response and dug her nails into her palms to focus on something other than her bubbling anger. "Perhaps after work. Have you eaten today? You left rather early this morning."

_You're annoying him. Just leave._

Completely disregarding his question, Genevieve shoved the newspaper in his face. She was much more aggressive with how she responded to him this time around. "Severus, just answer the fucking question. It's not that hard. What does Sirius want with Harry? He looked extremely close to James in your memories so I don't understand what his fucking deal is. There is no way he did those things to James and Lily. You know that. I guarantee you Remus knows that too. But then again, Sirius murdered multiple people and he–"

"Genevieve, I said we're talking about this later," Severus reiterated again. His voice was reprimanding and loud which she hadn't heard from him in a while. As her eyes searched his for some sort of answer, he took note of how dilated her pupils were and how he swore he could see gears shifting behind her eyes. "We can talk tonight. Have you taken your medications today?"

Fear flickered in her eyes for a second and she grabbed the paper off his desk, fully prepared to just turn around and leave. "Fine," she said, her voice breaking slightly. "I don't see what the big fucking deal is. We're on lunch break, why can't we talk about it now? Why are you doing work? When have you ever done work on our lunch break? Why won't you pay attention to me? Did I do something?"

_He wants you to leave because he's cheating on you. You're not enough for him._

"Genevieve," he said a bit softer as he grabbed her hands. "Look at me. Look at me for a second."

The young witch fought against his secure restraints and her vision blurred with tears. She barely acknowledged him, but she met his dark eyes unwillingly. A few tears slipped down her cheeks. "Don't look at me like that," she said angrily. "You're looking at me like I'm broken."

"Did you take your medications?" he repeated again.

_You don't need your medications. This feels good. You're productive. Remember your lab work? You're the best researcher in that lab. Merlin would kiss your feet to read your work._

Her hesitation was all he needed to know. Severus dropped her hands and leaned back in his chair as he looked at her but she furrowed her brows as she appeared to be focusing on something else. "Princess, you need to be taking care of yourself," he whispered. "Let's go get you something to eat and take your medications."

"So now you're paying attention to me?" she retorted as she took a few steps back. Genevieve tucked her arms over her chest to prevent him from grabbing her and she rapped her fingers along her ribcage. "I'm not a child nor are you my father. I don't need to be sat down and babied."

"Genevieve, listen to yourself," Severus sighed in frustration. "You're completely delusional."

"I am _not_ delusional," she snapped as she threw the newspaper down onto the floor. It was then that Severus took note of the fact she hadn't worn makeup that day and dark circles had starting forming under her eyes. Given that he wasn't sure when she went to bed or woke up anymore, he assumed she was sleep deprived. Guilt made his chest ache. "I don't need my medications. I don't need to sleep. I don't need to eat. I need you to get off my ass and just tell me what Sirius Black is doing."

Completely worked up and heavily overstimulated, Genevieve started crying. In many ways, mania was much harder for her to deal with than depression. During depressive episodes, Severus could coax her to take care of herself but when it came to manic episodes, her brain felt like it was on fire it moved so fast. Listening to him and reasoning with him was much harder to do when she was constantly getting new ideas. The worst part about her mania, however, was that most parts of it were absolutely God-tier. Colors were brighter, sounds were sharper, her motivation was endless, she was productive, she was sexy, and she was the equivalent of god.

"You need to take your medications," Severus said as he approached his partner. She shoved him back out of utter fear but he could see her shutting down. "Can we please go get them? I also think you should take Draught of Peace and phone Katie."

_He's pushing you away because he's cheating on you, remember that. You're too much for him. Kill yourself._

"I'm not phoning Katie," she said through tears. "Why can't you just tell me about Sirius Black? Why can't you give me attention? Don't you love me? Everyone loves me, why don't you?"

"I do love you. I want nothing but the best for you and I think right now that includes phoning your therapist, taking your medications, eating something, and taking Draught of Peace. Have you been like this all day?" Severus's tone grew more and more concerned. She had taught classes all morning and would have two more after the lunch break was over. That was worrisome.

_He's lying. He's always lied to you. He doesn't love you. He's never loved you. You simply pale in comparison. You always have, and you always will._

"You know what? Leave me alone. You're not my father."

—

The voice in her head had progressively gotten more frantic which led to extremely impulsive decisions. She had completely abandoned her post that afternoon; Minerva and Severus had tried to get ahold of her without avail. Dumbledore had to cover her classes while they figured out where she had gone. She was not in her quarters, nor was she at her lab, in her office, or anywhere in Hogsmeade. Minerva had gone to Amsterdam and looked at her favorite spots but it was like she had dropped off the face of the earth. It completely worried Severus and he phoned Katie because of it.

Given that she had signed a release form, Katie freely talked to Severus about her progress when he needed to know. She disclosed that Genevieve had not shown up for therapy the previous day and had been showing signs that her mania was progressing to severe levels but given that she had not expressed harming herself or others, she couldn't do anything about it. She offered to make room in her schedule whenever they could locate her to give her an assessment, but that didn't end up happening.

Though Genevieve's heart belonged to Amsterdam, she did grow up in London and spent a lot of time that day roaming the city. She had wanted to clear her mind and to get rid of the voice but she couldn't. It was pestering like an itch you can't scratch – you can't ignore it but you can't relieve it either. Over the last few days as the voice spoke more frequently and became more violent, it was harder to ignore what it was saying. She had convinced herself Severus didn't love her, she was annoying, he was cheating on her, she didn't need her medications, she didn't deserve to eat, and that cutting was the only thing that could take it away. Except Severus had taken away razors when she had relapsed the previous week. She needed to buy new ones.

When Genevieve finally returned home, the quarters she shared with Severus were completely dark. She snapped her fingers to turn the light on only to light the fireplace and turn them back off. She had been overstimulated by the bright lights of London and needed something less visually aggressive. The warmth covered her like a blanket as she stripped herself of her trousers, sat down on the carpet, and opened the pack of razors she had bought.

_Do it. Your wrist is right there._

Genevieve screwed her eyes shut as she tried to ignore the voice.

Not knowing how much time had passed, perpetual numbness consumed Genevieve as she sat there in the dark. The only light that was left in her quarters was the faint orange hue of the fireplace dying. The red embers left the faintest glow as she stared blankly at the blood that dripped from the top of her thighs down to a pool of blood soaking the carpet. In the distance, she heard her partner's voice faintly followed by the sound of the door shutting and scurrying feet but she was too shocked by what she had done that she was frozen where she was. She only looked up when she realized Severus was right beside her and speaking to her. He was taking the piles of razors away from her.

_See? It wasn't that hard._

"Fuck," Severus panicked as he collected the razors into his palm. There were several and he realized she she must have bought herself a new pack given he had taken everything away from her. His heart was pounding in his chest at the sight of her wounds along her thighs, but given how dim the light was, he had no idea the severity of them. "Genevieve, darling, can you hear me?"

_Ignore him. Remember, he doesn't care._

Snapping his fingers to light the fireplace again, Severus stumbled back and felt his heart stop in his chest at the extent of her wounds. He felt nauseous and his vision blurred with tears. In all capital letters, she had carved LILY into one of her thighs while the other was completely gashed. Upon first glance he did not recognize any suicidal intent. Her wrists were clean but the carpet was soaked in blood and he was horrified by what he saw. He sat there in shock for a moment before he disposed of the razors and used his wand to summon sterile cloths and his anti-bacterial potions.

"Genevieve," he said again. He was much more frantic now. He pushed her hands away to pour the potion into the wounds and apply pressure with the cloth. She looked up at him and he recognized how completely numb she appeared. "Can you hear me?"

_He doesn't love you._

"You don't love me," she repeated brokenly to him as tears blurred her vision. Her hands were shaking as she grabbed onto her partner's arms, staining his shirt with her blood. Heart pounding, he pulled his wand from his side and stumbled to hold it correctly.

"I love you more than anything, princess," he reasoned as his voice broke. He removed the cloth to evaluate the wounds and noticed they appeared to require stitches if magic was not to be used. In the Wizarding World, while _Episkey_ could be used for small injuries, when it came to gashes like these, he would need to use the counter-curse to _Sectumsempra_.

_He's lying. He always lies. You did what I told you to._

"You're lying. You're a liar," she sobbed as her head fell back against her shoulders. She stared at the ceiling and started hyperventilating but Severus attempted to focus on healing her injuries before he could attend to her emotional needs.

" _Vulnera Sanentur_ ," Severus chanted over and over as tears fell down his cheeks. He was suppressing sobs as he listened to her go into hysterics, the sound of her cries completely breaking him. He could not stop thinking about the way she had carved Lily's name into her skin; it was not like her. She was never insecure and never questioned when Severus said he loved her. This didn't make sense. This wasn't Genevieve.

When he had finished the spell, he traced where his first love's name used to be. Unlike _Episkey_ , _Vulnera Sanentur_ did not leave scars. Severus tried to take deep breaths to calm his racing thoughts.

"I love you," he repeated as he pulled her into his arms. He cradled his partner against his chest as he kissed the top of her head. "I love you. I love you. I love you."

"No you don't," she bawled. "You love her. You always will."

_That's right. He always will. It's always been me._

The sound of the voice made Genevieve sob harder and she clutched onto her partner for comfort as it grew louder and more bothersome. Severus refused to let her go and rocked back and forth to try and soothe her. In moments like these, he wished Johan were here to help. He would have known what to do. He had dealt with Levina and her manic episodes for over thirty years.

"Shut up. Go away," she sobbed as she buried her face in her partner's neck. Severus was confused since he had not responded to her previous statement and pulled back to cup her face in his hands. His eyes searched hers for any sort of answer.

"I didn't say anything," he whispered as he stroked her cheeks. His brows furrowed in concern and he felt his heart stop in his chest. "I'm not going away."

Past the point of hysterics, Genevieve laughed softly as she raised a brow. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and he wondered in that moment if she had completely lost it. She was, after all, sleep deprived.

"You don't hear her?" she asked in a completely serious tone. Severus became extremely nauseous as he wracked his brain for any previous signs to point to this. That simple question immediately told him she had slipped into psychosis like Levina had. How long she had been in this state, however, was unknown to him.

"Hear who, my love?" Severus inquired as he continued to soothe her by stroking her face. She laughed again as she touched his face, thumb tracing his cheekbone.

"Lily," she stated with utmost confidence.

* * *

Exhaustion completely consumed Severus and Minerva as they sat in the old creaky seats of the Amsterdam hospital's waiting area. They both struggled to stay awake as they waited for news about Genevieve. With the night's events having unfolded the way they did, they had not slept very much since Severus had drugged Genevieve with Draught of Peace and readmitted her for another psychiatric evaluation. It had numbed him completely to bring her back there but he was terrified. Minerva had of course showed up in concern for Genevieve, but mostly she had arrived to be moral support for Severus. He was a wreck.

Severus had been incredibly coercive with the staff in the psychiatric unit. He pressed that they got a very specific psychiatrist on her case, more specifically the witch who had treated her during her first hospital admission. She was most knowledgeable about Genevieve's manic behaviors and he knew she would be in the best care with her as her doctor. After pitching quite a few fits, he had gotten his way and relaxed with Minerva in the uncomfortable chairs.

The moment he was certain that Genevieve was in good care, he found himself extremely drowsy but he did not remember laying his head against Minerva's shoulder nor did he remember falling asleep. After searching for his partner for hours and ultimately finding her in such distress, he was exhausted. Minerva knew this and therefore stroked his hair soothingly while he slept and she tried to remain awake. She wanted to get any sort of update for him in case there was something new. The last update they had gotten was that Genevieve had been heavily sedated for the level of her hysterics. She had insisted to the nurses over and over again that she wasn't crazy, that Lily was there, that she had coerced her into carving her name, and ultimately was growing violent and combative. It broke Minerva to know she was struggling so much.

Around 1am, Severus's eyes drifted open and realized that the older witch had been soothing him. She had not realized it, however. Her elbow rested on the arm of the chair with her arm hooking beneath Severus's chin and fingers stroking his hair. Her other hand rested in her lap as she looked out the window into the dark city. When he finally shifted to sit up, she looked over in his direction.

"I'm sorry," he whispered as he ran his hand over his face. His cheeks were flushed when he realized he fell asleep on her shoulder and he was embarrassed to have subjected her to that. She simply shook her head.

"You're tired," she said with a shrug. "You can go back to sleep if you'd like. I'm still waiting for updates and I can wake you if there's another one."

Severus hesitantly laid his head back down on Minerva's shoulder. It felt odd receiving this sort of affection from her given that she was his mother's age and he had never experienced a loving mother but once she started petting his hair again everything melted away for a little while. His eyes drifted shut.

"I've been too focused on things for The Order," he admitted softly. "I didn't reinforce her routine and she spiraled. She didn't tell me she was hearing voices and she didn't appear delusional, but I could tell she was sleep deprived. It's my fault. I should have paid more attention to her."

"Severus, you didn't do anything wrong," Minerva clarified. She took a deep breath and her eyes drifted shut. "Genevieve is a grown woman who needs to be able to take care of herself and tonight just proved that she needs better tools to do so. You're her partner, not her caretaker. It's not your job to fix her."

"Her mother experienced psychosis in almost all of her manic episodes," he mumbled. "I should have paid more attention to it. Johan told me that I let her needs slip under my radar and every time something like this happens I know he's right. What if I'm not good enough for her if I keep neglecting her needs?"

"You aren't neglecting her needs," she asserted sharply. Severus wiped the tears from his face and screwed his eyes shut as he pulled his frock tighter around his body. "She didn't communicate it. You couldn't have known. Now close your eyes and get some rest."

Minerva didn't have to tell Severus twice. Within minutes he had fallen asleep again, the remainder of his tears slipping off his jaw as the older woman cradled him. Genevieve had always been like a daughter to her and it became increasingly clear as the days went on that Severus would be marrying her. By extension, she viewed Severus as a son and she would be damned if she didn't try to take care of them. Their mothers failed them. They didn't deserve this.

At around 8am, Minerva had begun to get drowsy and Severus's neck ached from the position he had been sleeping in. He maneuvered his way out of her arms and sat up, stretching his sore muscles as he watched the sun rise over the horizon. Just as Minerva was about to speak, she saw the doctor come around the corner and beckon both of them with her hand. Half asleep, they both followed her into the room where Genevieve was awake but still really sedated. She looked numb.

"Genevieve still has some sedatives in her system so she's a little drowsy, but overall she's been receptive and straightforward when answering questions. We're going to keep her for a 72 hour psychiatric hold due to the severity of the injuries you had described, but as it stands during her evaluation she has not expressed suicidal intent. Unless she has a violent outburst or becomes otherwise combative while we stabilize her over the next few days, she should be home by the end of the weekend," the doctor started.

Severus approached her warily but she wasn't really responsive to his presence as much as she was to Minerva's. Though it made sense, it was still painful to think that her mania had driven a wedge between them for the time being. He reassured himself that when she was euthymic, it would all go away and that next time this happened, she wouldn't need to be hospitalized. Though this was her third hospitalization and everyone said this the last two times.

Minerva transformed into her Animagus form and crawled up into Genevieve's lap, purring softly as she stroked her soft fur. The young witch turned over on her side to snuggle with her mentor, enjoying the soothing feeling. Severus turned his attention to the doctor to finish getting the entire run down of her evaluation.

"Genevieve is most definitely experiencing psychosis. She described five separate hallucinations and one very strong delusion. Primarily, she's most bothered by the voice of a young woman. She's called her Lily and similarly she completely convinced you're having some sort of affair with her. Additionally, she said she's heard tapping and clicking noises that aren't there and has seen flashing and distorted faces though she claims they don't bother her as much and can ignore them easily. This last one was quite odd. She said she feels cold and calloused hands on her body and has used the name Gilderoy. I'm unsure if the names Lily or Gilderoy mean anything to you, but she refuses to elaborate on them."

"Gilderoy is her rapist," Severus mumbled as he crossed his arms over his chest. He was freezing and he hated hospitals. "Lily is my childhood best friend and she's been dead for twelve years."

"Ah, so that's a bizarre delusion then," the doctor responded as she wrote that down in Genevieve's file. Severus glanced back to his partner to see that she had completely fallen asleep on her stomach and Minerva had curled up in the middle of her back.

"What's a bizarre delusion? Aren't all delusions bizarre?" he asked. The doctor closed the file again.

"Typical delusions theoretically could happen. Some people have the delusion that their boss is in love with them or perhaps somebody is stalking them. But a bizarre delusion cannot be true. If Lily is dead, there is no chance of infidelity."

"What can I do to help her? I phoned her therapist last night and talked about her progress and I'm most likely going to ring her again to discuss this, but I want to know what I could do. If she comes home in three days like you're projecting, what can I do? I don't want this to keep happening," Severus pleaded. "She's so tired. I can see it in her eyes."

"The beginning of treatment for bipolar disorder can be tough," the doctor asserted as she adjusted her coat. "Genevieve has now cycled through the most severe parts of her condition. I'm going to be adding an anti-psychotic to her medications and increase the dose of her mood stabilizer. These should start to get rid of the hallucinations and delusions and help regulate her mania some more. It should help her sleep and eat a little better and be more compliant if you talk to her. I'll give you specific care instructions when we discharge her. We'll know a lot more by then."

* * *

For the first time in almost three weeks, Genevieve had looked exceedingly peaceful. She struggled immensely with the comedown of her manic high even after receiving an anti-psychotic and an increased dosage of her mood stabilizer and therefore she was often mildly sedated with benzodiazepines in order to maintain complacency while the drugs worked. This had been the backup plan given that Draught of Peace didn't work as well. She had been discharged from the hospital merely five days prior and with each passing day Severus felt like he could breathe a little more. He had gotten her back into a routine: her sleep schedule was set, she ate at specific times, was able to teach her courses, and she was able to get some work done. It was starting to go back to normal, if not a tolerable level of chaos.

Severus leaned against the doorframe of their bedroom as he watched his partner sleep. His dark eyes trailed the silhouette of her form and appreciated the way she existed in that moment. The sun was starting to set on that side of the castle which meant the sunlight in the room was beginning to shift. Though her back was towards her partner and he could not see, the orange hues of the setting sun rested along her feminine features that were otherwise calm and not tense. Severus took note of the way her long dark hair sprawled out against the pillow and the way she looked comfortable while practically swimming in one of his sweaters. Her ribcage expanded and compressed steadily and with each of her deep breaths he reassured herself that she was safe.

The dark purple duvet rested along her hips which was odd considering how poorly she regulated her body temperature during the colder months. Typically, it would be resting over her shoulders but that evening in particular, Minerva was snuggled into her arms in her Animagus form. This had become routine whenever Genevieve was so exhausted she needed to take a nap and Severus didn't have time to lay down with her; Minerva's soft purring and warm fur was extremely soothing. It kept her mellow in between sedative doses or when she was anxious and it was nice for Minerva to have affection. She hadn't had that in a while.

Upon acknowledging Severus standing in the doorway, Minerva stretched her little paws and curled her claws as she squirmed her way out of Genevieve's tight embrace to walk towards the end of the bed. He watched the interaction and didn't bat an eye when she transformed back into her human form. Minerva approached Severus and turned to look at the sleeping form of the woman they both loved so much. He exhaled through his nose.

"Thank you, Minerva." Severus sounded sad, almost defeated as he continued to observe his partner. He had the saddest smile on his face. "It means a lot that you take time out of your day to help out when we need you. She rarely wants anything to do with me."

"She feels guilty, Severus," Minerva responded as she gestured towards the common room. Severus glanced one last time at his partner before he followed the older witch out into the common area where they both sat down on the sofa. His chest ached and he rubbed it as if that would make it go away. "She told me that she doesn't want the two of you to end up the same way her parents did."

"Genevieve doesn't even begin to compare to the abusive behavior of her mother," he frowned. Minerva reached out and grabbed his hands, giving them a tight squeeze as she offered an empathetic smile. She was disheartened by Genevieve's confession but nevertheless wanted to help her somehow. "She had never laid a hand on me nor has she said anything remotely verbally abusive. She'd never done anything of the sort while euthymic, either."

"Yes, Genevieve makes very good choices. But it doesn't stop her from fearing it," she pointed out. Her blue eyes drifted down to their hands and she rubbed his knuckles with her thumbs soothingly. Just as she looked up again and parted her lips to speak, her attention was caught by Genevieve standing in the doorway. Her arms were wrapped tightly around herself, her fingers rapping along her ribcage, and she was shifting her weight between her feet.

"Severus," she called out weakly. Her voice wavered with her soft plea and Severus felt his heart stop at the sound. He turned around to face his partner but was even more pained at the sight of silent tears streaming down her cheeks. She looked so small in that moment, but her pupils were still heavily dilated from the sedatives.

"Yes, my love?" he responded sweetly. He tried to keep his voice soft and hushed with an even tone as to not upset her even more.

Genevieve simply hiccuped into a cry and extended her arms out to him with a grabbing motion of her hands. Over the last few days, she had been a bit more guarded but in that moment she desperately wanted his affection. Her distress made his stomach churn uncomfortably and without any hesitation he scooped her up into his arms. Minerva, unsure what to do, placed a comforting hand on Severus's shoulder and excused herself from their quarters.

Severus hugged his partner tightly against his chest as she cried. Her legs were wrapped tightly around his hips and her arms were around his neck. He was unsure what to do because she had been so adverse towards him and he was afraid of upsetting her more, but he settled on bringing her back into their bedroom to situate her in bed again. As she tucked her feet beneath the thick duvet, he left the room only to return with the bottle of sedatives.

"I don't want the pills anymore," she cried when he took a few out of the bottle and grabbed the water beside the bed. Severus got down on his knees beside the bed with his hand resting on the top of her thigh as he stared up at her. His brows were furrowed. "I can't feel anything when I take them. I haven't felt anything in almost a week."

"I don't want you hurting yourself," Severus responded brokenly. He reached up to stroke her chin sweetly with his thumb. The image of Lily's name carved into her skin would not leave his mind. "Please take them, princess. Please," he pleaded again.

"I'm not going to hurt myself," she insisted as she wiped her eyes. She was taking deep breaths now as she tried to even out her emotional response which was a good sign. She had been working so hard on doing that with Katie and he was proud of her in that moment. "I don't want to feel like a zombie anymore. Please, baby. Please."

Genevieve had cupped his face in her cold hands and was stroking the tops of his cheekbones with her thumbs. He could see what she was talking about when she looked down into his eyes; she was not present. She looked like a shell of herself. "Please."

"Okay," he ceded softly. He pulled back from her touch to place the glass of water and the medications bottle on the bedside table before he brought her cold hands back to his cheeks. Genevieve was suppressing sobs. "What do you need from me right now?"

Genevieve alternated taking deep breaths and holding her breath as she thought about what she needed from her partner. As he waited patiently, he acknowledged how hard it was for her to make good choices. She looked exhausted after a week of struggling through her schedule just to feel numb. Severus knew that bipolar disorder was difficult to cope with but it wasn't until he was looking into her glossy gaze and saw the pain behind her eyes that he realized just how torturous the condition was. Especially now that he knew she had been dealing with psychosis and had been struggling with delusions without telling anyone.

"Can you hold me?" Gen asked brokenly after a few minutes. Her simple request made his vision blur from the tears.

"Of course," he sighed as he started suppressing sobs. He brought her knuckles to his lips as he stood. When he blinked, the tears he had been trying to hold back streamed down his face and he wiped them away quickly. Despite his attempt to conceal them, Genevieve had noticed and stroked his cheeks sweetly. Her tears had been silently running down her face. She had no more energy to cry.

Patting the warm sheets next to him, Genevieve crawled into Severus's arms as he climbed into bed. As he always did, Severus slid his hand beneath her sweater to rub gentle circles into her warm skin. It made her melt like a child and she soon fell back to sleep. He laid like that with her for several hours, raking his nails lightly against her back until the sun had completely set and he realized he needed to wake her up so she could eat something. He had lost track of time.

After a few minutes of contemplation, Severus transferred her head to the pillow and lit a few candles to make sure she was able to see in the event she woke up prior to her dinner being warmed. He pressed a few soft kisses to her forehead and stroked her hair mainly to reassure himself that she was okay, that she was there, and that she was safe. It took him longer than he would have liked to admit to leave her there before he was able to go to the kitchen and reheat something for her to eat.

As the pasta warmed, Severus mentally kicked himself when he remembered that he needed to take _his_ medication and that he had forgotten that morning. Genevieve had been running a little late which threw off his routine a tad. It wasn't common that he forgot to take care of himself given the extensive work he had done with Penny over the last two years and he was slightly disappointed in himself. Tougher days like these took a little more effort so he didn't give it too much conscious thought as he took the pills.

When the pasta had been spooned into a bowl and set on the table, he made his way back to the bedroom to wake her. He was hesitant though; even with the sedative leaving her system, she still looked undisturbed. Severus sat on the edge of the mattress by her knees and pushed her hair out of her face in order to stroke her cheek with the back of his hand.

"Darling," he whispered as he tried to coax her to wake up. Genevieve stirred slightly and leaned into his affection but refused to open her eyes. "I've reheated some pasta for you and I want you to come eat and maybe you can take a shower to feel a little less groggy."

Eyes finally fluttering open, Genevieve sighed as she rolled onto her back and rubbed her eyes. It took her a moment to reorient herself and process what he had said to her but eventually she did sit up and acknowledge his words. "Do we still have almond milk? I want almond milk."

"I picked some up for you yesterday," he said as he kissed her forehead. She definitely was a lot more responsive now that the benzodiazepines were out of her system and she craned her neck up to look at him. "I'll get you a glass when you sit down and eat your pasta. How does that sound, sweet girl?"

Genevieve nodded and reached her hands up to cup his face and pull him into a soft kiss. Severus returned it with the same intent before he sat back up again. "Come on, pretty girl. Let's get you something to eat and then get you clean and you can get ready to go to bed early tonight."

As they make their way to the kitchen, Gen intertwined her fingers with her partner's and leaned into his shoulder while they walked. Little moments like these made Snape realize that his partner was still there under the multiple layers of her condition and it made him grateful that euthymia would eventually be coming soon.

There was no coaxing necessary to get Genevieve to eat her dinner. The sedative had decreased her appetite and despite having a routine eating schedule, she was starving. As he had promised, Severus got her a cup of almond milk before he kissed her head and decided to sit in the common room to give her a bit of space to eat. He had lost his appetite from his own anxiety.

"Severus," she said with her mouth full as she reached out quickly to grab his arm. The sudden movement made him jump but she clearly had not noticed. He simply raised a brow as he turned to face her again.

"Yes, my love?" he asked sweetly. She put her fork down before she took both of his hands in her own and pulled him closer to her again.

"Thank you," she whispered. Her voice cracked and her eyes watered as she tried to gather her thoughts. Besides teaching, in which the knowledge came off her brain from habit rather than conscious thought, Genevieve had not given her brain much use. It took a lot of effort to think, especially now that the sedatives were out of her system and she was left with the mild manic thought process. "Thank you for being patient with me and being there for me. I know I'm too much and you'd rather have a partner who isn't bipolar but I love you and I'm grateful that you're here even when things are tough and I'm a bitch."

"Genevieve," he sighed as he sat beside her. Her brought her hands to his mouth and pressed soft kisses along her knuckles. Her hands were still freezing and he rubbed them carefully in his own to warm them up. "I don't think you understand that you are not your mental illness. I know it's easy for you to slip into that way of thinking but it's simply not true. You are an accomplished and intelligent woman, a talented and respected witch, a loving and caring friend, and the perfect partner for me. You aren't too much. You are enough and you struggle sometimes but we only come out of it stronger. I'm not going anywhere. I love you."

Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she listened to him and he sighed as he wiped them away tenderly with his thumbs. Regardless of the reason, he hated seeing her cry. It made his chest ache. "Don't cry, my darling. You've been doing so much of that lately and I don't want to upset you any further."

"No, I'm not crying because I'm upset," she croaked as she leaned into his touch. Her dark eyes reflected immense pain and she hiccuped as she tried to say what was on her mind. "Severus, you should have seen your face when you brought me home. You looked at me the way my dad looked at my mum when she was psychotic. You looked at me like I was broken."

"I'm merely concerned," Severus reassured as his voice cracked. He cleared his throat and continued to soothe her. "You aren't broken. I was scared I was going to lose you to this illness and when you came home to me I.. I didn't want to see that happen again."

"You're not going to lose me," Gen continued as she reached out to cup his face in her hands. She pulled him closer to that their faces were inches apart as she stroked his face. "Look at me, mijn schatje. I want to be your wife. I want to start a family and grow old with you. I'll be damned before I let bipolar disorder take my life."

"I love you," he murmured as he kissed her sweetly. She returned it and scrunched her nose as he kissed the corner of her mouth. "One day, when we're ready, I'll buy you a pretty ring and I'll get down on one knee to properly propose to you. I promise."

Genevieve sniffled and wiped her eyes. She was more than elated at the thought and laughed softly as she tucked her hair behind her ears. "Mrs. Genevieve Snape sounds so pretty. And we can get a little cottage in Hogsmeade so we aren't too far from Hogwarts and can continue teaching."

"A little cottage in Hogsmeade?" he grinned. They had teased back and forth that Genevieve wanted to settle in Amsterdam but he wasn't sure she'd ever remain in the Wizarding World. "You'd move to Hogsmeade for me?"

"Severus, I'd move anywhere as long as you were with me. You're the love of my life."

* * *

"I worry about you, sunshine."

Looking up from the work she was completing, Genevieve glanced up in the direction of the familiar male voice. Standing in the doorway was none other than Remus Lupin in his typical tan suit and ruffled brown hair. He appeared to be sincere if not a little playful which was typical of him, but this time he also seemed to be quite serious in his statements.

"You haven't been yourself for weeks," he continued.

"You don't need to worry about me. I've got everything under control," Genevieve reassured as she beckoned him with her hand. She had not seen him properly since the first signs of her manic episode had emerged a month prior. It was now nearing the beginning of October. While they conversed as colleagues, she did not have the mental capacity to be friendly and often hid away when it wasn't required that she teach. "I missed you, Remus. Come sit. Do you have chocolate?"

"Dark chocolate, like always," he smiled as he approached her desk. He placed a few small chocolates in the ceramic bowl she kept on her desk and sat in the chair just in front of it. Genevieve watched the gears in his brain turn as he gathered his thoughts. He typically was so collected so it was odd seeing him so uncertain. "I asked Minerva where you were that odd weekend a week or so ago and she said you were away on personal matters. Then when you returned you've been like this. Extremely distant, foggy, _quiet_. My lord, you're never quiet so I wanted to make sure you were okay and if not, if I would be able to do something to help."

She blinked perplexedly at her friend. She had not realized how obvious her emotional state had become and she shuffled with her papers to distract herself while she tried to think of something to say. "I'm managing," she sighed as she tucked her papers away into a folder.

_You're not managing._

Genevieve dug her fingernails into her palms to mentally remind herself that Lily wasn't there and that she _was_ managing her condition, but she was downright terrified she was not strong enough to power through it. Remus had spoken to her but she clearly had not been paying attention so he waved a hand in front of her face. She unclenched her fists and investigated the little crescent shaped cuts as she blinked back tears. "Sunshine?"

"I need to tell you something," she mumbled as she wiped her eyes. She used her wand to shut the door to her office before she placed it back down and took multiple deep breaths. She didn't like disclosing her medical information to anyone. Only Minerva and Severus knew; Dumbledore was aware she had a self-harm addiction but that was the extent of it. She felt too vulnerable.

Acknowledging how much she struggled to say what was on her mind, Remus raised an eyebrow and carefully slid another piece of chocolate across her desk. His pockets seemed to be endless with them and she wiped her eyes with a soft laugh. He cracked a slight smile.

"I have bipolar disorder and I'll probably disappear every once and a while because of it. I'm doing alright now, but a week ago I was hospitalized," she admitted as she once again began digging her nails into her skin. She liked the sharp sting that it brought and she knew she should probably mention that to someone but in that moment she really didn't care.

"Ah, so you've been manic," Remus exhaled. Genevieve simply raised a brow. "That makes a lot of sense now. You mutter in Dutch, did you know that? It's quite entertaining. Anyways, how are you doing now? Do you need anything?"

It took Genevieve by surprise how nonchalant his reaction was to her disclosing her condition. She wasn't sure exactly what she was expecting because she hadn't told anyone before who didn't already have suspicions, but Remus accepted it for what it was and seemed to move on. She blinked back tears.

"Why are you crying? Do you need more chocolate?" Remus attempted to slide more chocolate across her desk and she responded by grabbing them and throwing the wrapped candies back at him.

"Remus, you're going to make me fat and Severus will leave me," she laughed softly as she tucked her arms around herself. It was starting to get much colder and she made a mental note to bring her wool blankets back into her office. "I didn't expect you to accept my condition for what it is."

"We all have mental pain," Lupin acknowledged with a disheartened smile. His tone of voice seemed saddened, almost empathetic somehow. Genevieve's brain had begun spewing theories right away. "Yours just happens to be that one, so instead of making a big deal out of it, I simply asked what you need. What do you need?"

"A friend," she said with a shrug. The young witch pressed her lips together as she thought a little harder about what she needed. Knowing that alcohol use would technically make her mania worse, she was only half-kidding when she suggested, "A friend and a bottle of wine."

"We're in the middle of a work day," he laughed as he looked up at the clock. There was about ten minutes left of their lunch break. "In all seriousness, I don't know what I'd do without you, sunshine."

"Nor would I without you," she responded sweetly as she picked up one of the wrapped chocolates in the bowl. Her eyes traced the metallic wrapping and acknowledged the German written on it. She could read it perfectly. "You get these from Germany? How many calories are in them?"

"You're not getting fat," Remus asserted without any further question or remark. "Don't worry about it. Yes, I do. It's much better tasting than the shit you find in London."

_You are getting fat. Don't listen to him. Severus will leave you if you eat that. I was small and pretty. Even Remus thought I was pretty. Don't you want them to love you like they loved me?_

"I'm currently in an episode of psychosis," she whispered as she completely changed the subject. She placed the chocolate back into the bowl but Remus grew irritated with her. He grabbed the chocolate and unwrapped it before holding it up to her.

"Eat it. You aren't fat," he said again. "Is that why you mutter to yourself? Are you hearing voices?"

 _Don't you fucking eat it_.

"Just one," she sighed as she took the chocolate from him. She investigated it again and placed it back down onto the wrapper. It was too much for her to manage in that moment therefore she decided if she truly wanted that chocolate that she would go for it again once Lily – or, rather, her manic brain's maladaptive coping mechanism – would stop talking.

"Is it a voice you know?" asked Remus. It was hard for him to read her facial expressions; he could see how numb she was to the entire ordeal and did not want to pressure her into talking if she was not ready to but he also was curious. She meant a lot to him and he wanted to understand her as much as he could to be able to support her. "I don't know if this is helpful or harmful, so please let me know."

"It's fine," she reassured. Genevieve tucked some of her hair behind her ear and chewed the inside of her lip. She didn't want to appear insane when she disclosed whose voice she heard, but then again she was _hearing voices_ so she was sure she already _was_ insane. "It's Lily's. It sounds pathetic, but–"

"Severus loves you," Remus responded without letting her finish. If there was one thing he was extremely adamant about when it came to Severus it was that he loved deeply. "I know you've always gotten insecure about any topic regarding Lily, but truthfully, sunshine, I don't think I've ever seen him love _anything_ as much as he loves you. You'd be absolutely blind not to see it. He did _not_ look at Lily that way. I was there for all of this, believe me."

Without missing a beat, Genevieve took a deep breath. "I want to marry that man, Remus. You have no idea how much I love him."

"That's a powerful thing," he pointed out with a soft smile. "You told me you study the overlap of healing and dark magic so you should know that love is the best healing charm."

Genevieve nodded and laughed as she sat back in her seat. She liked how Lily's voice had silenced herself. It was a nice change to what had been happening over the last few weeks. "I know. It's the baseline for all healing charms."


	34. PART THIRTY-FOUR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: very brief description of rape, processing sexual trauma, insinuation of biphobia, smut

With the impending return of the Dark Lord, Severus grew more and more anxious that he would not be able to protect her in the same way he failed Lily or the same way Johan could not protect Luuk. Voldemort was an insidious, powerful wizard and it was only a matter of time that he caught on to Genevieve's natural talent in healing magic. That was, after all, the original reason he had sought Luuk.

Genevieve knew a lot more about the overlap of healing and dark magic than Albus had explained to Remus at the beginning of term. Severus was not as knowledgeable about it, but in passing conversation, Genevieve had described it as healing and dark magic being two sides to the same coin. The foundational knowledge was the baseline for both types of magic, it's just dark magic took advantage of that powerful keystone. Truthfully, it only increased his anxiety and made him worry more about the safety of his partner as powerful and gifted as she was with her craft.

Given that she was still mildly manic, Severus thought it would be a really good time to start learning occlumency. He had put it off given the events that happened in February, but he knew he could not postpone in any longer. What happened last spring in the Chamber of Secrets simply proved his point but occlumency took quite a few sessions to master and he knew it would be incredibly painful for her to endure.

Severus had learned occlumency at a very young age and he'd come to realize now with therapy that the reason he's such a talented Occlumens is because of his trauma and his PTSD diagnosis. With the frequency in which he dissociates from flashbacks, he learned to detach himself from his memories entirely which made occlumency like second nature to him. He was good at guarding _himself_ from his mind so shielding others was quite easy. However, he knew Genevieve would have a difficult time trying. He also knew that inevitably she would be a triggered mess.

Dragging one of the kitchen chairs into the center of the common room, Severus tapped the seat. Genevieve was standing in the doorway to the bedroom as she looked at her partner. She shifted her weight between her feet anxiously and picked at her nail polish. She had watched the entire process of him moving the furniture to the perimeters to make room for her. It had completely slipped her mind how grueling this process would be and she felt her heart hammering in her chest.

"This is going to be really hard and emotionally draining," Severus confessed when he turned back to face his partner. She already looked like she was on the verge of tears. "I know you're scared but you already tried to learn a little before last year. It's a good foundation for this lesson, but I also want you to know that I'm not going to be easy on you. This is serious."

"I don't want to do it," she admitted, her voice wavering as she spoke. She sounded so small and tired in that moment. Severus ran a hand over his face and exhaled deeply.

"I know you don't want to do it, but you _need_ to do it. We can't waste anymore time. I asked you to take occlumency lessons with me at the end of January and now it's October. I put it off for you while you healed from losing the baby and from being raped. I'm sorry, my love, but we need to start now," he asserted. He tried to keep his voice stern, but it ended up sounding cold instead. He attempted to fix the situation by softening his voice. "I love you and I want to protect you. I couldn't save Lily and I want to save you."

"I'm scared," she sniffled. Severus sighed and approached her slowly, cupping her face in his hands. A few tears slipped from her eyes and he kissed her forehead as his thumbs tenderly wiped them away. "I don't want to die."

"That's why you're learning occlumency," he reassured sweetly. Severus titled her chin up with his finger gently and pressed the softest kiss he could to her lips. "When we're done, I'll give you all the kisses and back rubs that you need and we'll follow the safety plan Katie helped us create for you."

Genevieve had forgotten that her therapist, who worked out of the Amsterdam hospital she unfortunately frequented, was a talented witch and graduate from Beauxbatons. She knew how emotionally and mentally demanding learning occlumency was so she worked with the couple on making sure she remained safe while Severus taught it to her. She knew how important it was for her to learn it but required that he take extra care given she was still manic.

"I love you," she mumbled against his lips. Severus kissed her two more times before he stepped from back from her entirely and pointed towards the chair.

"I love you too. I need you to know that I'm not actively searching for any specific memories. I would never in a million years purposely invade your mind like that. Anything that surfaces is purely random. I want you to sit down for the first few attempts, princess. It's completely disorienting and until you have a handle on the concept I don't want you to hurt yourself," Severus responded. Genevieve nodded and did what was asked of her. She knew this was going to be arduous. Severus picked up his wand and inspected it as he stepped in front of his partner.

"Look at me," he said softly as he tilted her chin up with the tip of his wand. She stared up at him with uncertain eyes as she tried to even out her already ragged breathing. The sight broke his heart; she looked so childlike and he could only imagine how terrified she was. "You need to concentrate if you're going to master this. It takes a lot of mental energy to stop legilimency."

Genevieve nodded and Severus stepped a few feet back from her. Unintentionally, she held her breath as he pointed his wand at her. "Breathe, Genevieve. _Legilimens_!"

_"Luuk!" Genevieve giggled as she pulled her older brother into the backyard of their little London home.The first snow of the winter had begun sticking to the ground and it completely elated the five year old girl. She stuck her tongue out to catch snowflakes as Luuk laughed at her and tried to do the same._

_Genevieve dropped down onto her back and started making snow angels. Through legilimency, Severus watched from a distance with an ache in his chest. That's why she had dragged him out into the snow that one November._

_"Look at me! I'm an angel!" the girl giggled. Luuk mirrored her and laid down on his back to make snow angels with her but her laughing stopped when she heard Levina yelling manically in the distance, clatter coming from the kitchen and subsequently the sound of Johan's yelling. Genevieve anxiously looked up at Luuk who simply smoothed down her hair._

_"You're okay," he soothed. "We're okay."_

"Stop it!" Genevieve cried out as Severus relented. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and she was hyperventilating. Severus felt a twinge of guilt in his stomach as he watched her cry, but he rationalized his persistence as preferring he see her cry than see her dead. "I can't do it, Severus. It's too hard and it hurts."

"Let it happen," Severus asserted sharply. His demeanor definitely became more rigid and intense and this was the first time in two years she had seen him be Professor Snape in front of her and not her beloved partner. She felt like an anxious student in that moment. "Detach yourself. Discipline yourself. Don't think about it."

Wiping her eyes, Genevieve decided to stand from the chair against his wishes. She squeezed her hands into fists and took deep breaths as she tried to regulate her emotions like Katie had showed her how to. She braced herself for Severus to try again and gave a single nod to him to show that she was ready. Without any hesitation, Severus exclaimed, " _Legilimens_!"

_"There will be no foolish wand waving or silly incantations in this class," Snape asserted sharply as he gazed around the room. His glare was piercing, facial expressions cold, and body language completely rigid. Genevieve felt her soul leave her body as his dark brown – perhaps black – eyes met hers. "As such, I don't expect many of you to appreciate the exact science and subtle art that is potion making. However, for those select few who possess the predisposition..."_

_Through legilimency, Severus watched the interaction of his twenty-one year old self and Genevieve as a first year. He studied her facial expressions, acknowledging how terrified she looked and how brash he appeared. He had never seen himself from an outside perspective. He was cold and domineering. Genevieve picked at her nail polish under the table. She noted how venomous, bitter, and judgmental he looked._

_"I can teach you how to bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses. I can tell you how to bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper in death."_

"Bloody hell," Genevieve cried as she stumbled back. She hugged herself tightly and rapped her fingers along her ribcage as she recouped from that attempt. She attempted to blink back everything that had surfaced in her mind; she had never told him her first impression of him as a person and it was even harder to look at him now that he knew. Severus took note of how that took a lot longer for her to guard herself on.

"That was worse than your first attempt. You're better than that," Severus reprimanded again as he lowered his wand. He let her take a few deep breaths to regain her footing and sighed as he watched her wipe tears away. He hated seeing her like this and wanted more than anything to carry her to bed and hold her but he knew he couldn't. Not now. Not yet. "Focus, Genevieve. _Legilimens_!"

_Genevieve stared down at the cuts along her thighs with a new numbness in her chest. Her hand was shaking as she dropped the razor and her vision blurred with tears as she watched little droplets of blood pool along the surface of her skin._

_Through legilimency, Severus noticed that they appeared to be extremely shallow but the more confident she became and the more she liked the feeling, the deeper they had become. He noticed that the rest of her skin was soft to the touch and unmarked with any scars. He interpreted this as her first time harming herself and he stopped breathing for a second. She was so young. This was much earlier than her sixth year when he caught her. She had to be thirteen._

_She picked up her razor again and sobbed as she once—_

This time, his ability to read into her mind and interpret the memories that surfaced was much shorter which allowed Severus to relax a little bit. She was trying. As he looked up at his partner, her body was covered in cold sweat and her makeup was dripping off her chin. Genevieve appeared to be at her breaking point, but he needed her to continue. He needed her to master this skill so that she was safe.

"Good girl," he praised softly. His cold demeanor seemed to melt away for a moment and Genevieve saw a sliver of her partner. Her stomach fluttered at the praise he had given her and she used it as motivation to continue. "Let's try again. A few more times and then we can be done for today. Take a deep breath."

Doing as she was told, Genevieve tucked her hair behind her ear and once again braced herself. She was a bit more confident in her ability to do it since she had cut the other memory short for him, but she could hear her heartbeat echoing in her ears. It thudded almost like a rabbit.

Severus raised his wand again. He hated the memories he was finding and he was starting to become nauseous while seeing all the trauma she endured. If he was going to find these things out, he would have wanting to willingly hear or see them from her when she was ready. But he knew the risks upon agreeing to teach her occlumency.

Taking a deep breath, Severus stated, " _Legilimens_!"

_Hand pinning her down by her throat, Genevieve was sputtering for air as Gilderoy shoved her legs up. She suppressed a scream as he forcefully entered her; her entire body tensed as searing pain radiated throughout her body. She kept gasping for air but she couldn't get enough oxygen. Tears were streaming down her cheeks but her cries were silenced in her throat and Gilderoy's grunting—_

When Genevieve was able to successfully interrupt this attempt at legilimency, she collapsed back into the chair sobbing. Severus had no idea how to react to that as tears were streaming down his cheeks. She never wanted him to see what she had gone through or know the details of how and where it happened. She felt incredibly tainted and dirty as she remembered it.

"Here?" Severus croaked as he lowered his wand. "He did it here?"

"Stop it," she snapped as she wiped her eyes and the sweat off her forehead. She stared at him for a moment; her emotions were completely numbed by having that memory surface. "Don't look at me like that. I'm not broken. Don't look at me like I'm broken, Severus. Go again."

Severus took a deep breath and hesitated as he raised his wand again. He tried to keep his collected demeanor present but he felt himself starting to break. His hand was shaking. " _Legilimens_!"

_Everything was quiet in their little home except for the soothing way Severus was humming some sort of song. He was slow dancing with Genevieve in the faded candlelight of their kitchen, her head rested against his shoulder with his hand rubbing circles into her lower back. Her hand rested on her little baby bump. A small smile—_

"Try again," Genevieve pressed as she interrupted the memory. Her tone was growing angry and she cracked her knuckles one by one as she shook out her hands. She wanted more than anything to detach herself so that those memories, the sweet ones she wanted to cherish forever, could never be misinterpreted or tampered with. She stood up again. "Severus, I said try again."

"Concentrate," he warned. Genevieve took a deep breath as she waited for the spell. It was getting easier but the effort she required was debilitating. " _Legilimens_!"

_"I want to have a soft green nursery with rabbits because I had a bunny plushie as a child, so that—_

Genevieve fought that memory as hard as she could. It was the most sensitive one Severus could have found: discussing her nursery plans merely days before being raped and finding out her baby was dead. Severus felt his extremities start to numb as she talked about their baby nursery in her memory. He dropped his wand entirely.

"We're done for today," Severus insisted as he took a few steps back. He started blinking back tears. Genevieve's sobs grew in volume and she ran into her partner's embrace in an attempt to soothe herself and calm down. As Severus started grounding himself, he found it easier to bring feeling back into his hands and feet and comfort his partner. "Let's go lay down, princess."

"I don't know how you do it," she whimpered. "It's so hard. I can't do it, Severus. I can't."

"You started doing it well," he praised sweetly as he picked her up and held her against his body. He brought her back to their bedroom and rubbed her back. "You're such a good girl, you know that?"

Genevieve nodded as he set her down on the mattress and got down on his knees beside the bed. She tilted his chin up with her finger and cupped his face in her hands, stroking his cheek with thumb as she processed what had happened. He knew so many things now and she was exhausted from it. Her manic brain was angry and buzzing but her body was tired.

Severus leaned up and kissed her sweetly, smoothing her hair down on either side of her face. She was shaking so he pressed more kisses to her face before he turned to grab her clean clothes. She was still soaked with sweat.

"Daddy," she said softly. Severus raised a brow at her use of the term outside of the bedroom; he wasn't necessarily opposed to hearing it, but it was slightly concerning. He took a deep breath as he handed over one of his sweaters and some sweatpants to her. She was trembling. "I love you."

"I love you too, princess," he soothed as he kissed the top of her head. "Get changed and we'll take a nap. You're exhausted. Let me take care of you. You were such a good girl for me today."

Genevieve was so exhausted she could only nod.

* * *

Learning occlumency was perhaps one of the most exhausting things that Genevieve had endured in her mere 24 years of living and it left her in an immensely vulnerable place for several days subsequent. Completely understanding of the circumstances, Severus tried his absolute best to take proper care of her but it was becoming increasingly more difficult. Per the safety plan created with Katie and with the consistent communication with his partner, Severus unfortunately needed to clear their quarters of sharp objects and fell back into the routine of checking her body every morning and night. For this reason, he held off completely on pressing another occlumency lesson. Genevieve was still manic; mildly so, but nevertheless her brain still felt like it was on fire with endless thoughts, ideas, and rapid cycling mood swings. It was manageable with her medication change, but she still struggled internally with it and therefore her self-harm urges had returned. She was able to teach and keep up with the remainder of her responsibilities, but she was really emotional and impulsive. It reminded Severus of the way she was after she lost the baby – she seemed broken but was internalizing it.

It was imperative that Genevieve get back into her routine and therefore Severus made the begrudged effort to get her to socialize more with Remus. Though he despised the werewolf – with good reason – his partner was starting to get increasingly closer with him. She had expressed to him once that Remus reminded her of Luuk and by extension that made her feel safe. Despite his discomfort, Severus reluctantly reached out to his colleague and explained to him that she was especially vulnerable and would need some extra social support while she recovered. He had relayed the same message to Minerva and collectively the three of them supported her. They knew what was coming; Genevieve did not.

Attempting to reinforce her routine, Severus had persuaded Genevieve to eat dinner in the Great Hall that evening. He rationalized it as being able to sit down and have a meal alongside Minerva and Remus like they used to prior to succumbing to her psychosis. All told, everyone was thankful that episode had passed. Her mild mania was completely tolerable for all of them including Genevieve but it was still a lot to deal with and her racing thoughts made talking difficult.

"I was going through of the lesson plans we have coming up in the next week," said Lupin to break the awkward silence that lingered in the air between the four of them. He pushed his rice around with a spoon before he scooped some up and ate it. He was seated next to Genevieve near the corner seats of the teacher's table with Severus in the next seat perpendicular to them and Minerva on the other side of Severus. Given the tense relationship between Severus and Remus, this seating arrangement was easiest to kill the tension. "The Boggart lesson is next. Do you want to step in on it, Gen?"

That question made Severus shift uncomfortably in his chair and an odd feeling flutter in his chest. That idea was nauseating; something about their interactions recently unnerved him and he couldn't really pinpoint a specific reason why. Nothing new had happened.

Genevieve had been cutting up her food and pushing it around her plate meticulously while Severus watched out of the corner of his eye. She had settled on some sort of chicken with vegetables and rice – the same as Remus – but the way she played with and rearranged her food made it look like she had been eating it. It worried him to think it _looked_ like she had eaten something but without actually eating anything and then elicited the thought process of how long that had been going on without him noticing. It was something his mother used to do.

"I never did the Boggart lesson as a student," Genevieve admitted as she put her utensils down to trade for a sip of her water. Severus continued cutting up his food and ate it without really engaging in the conversation. It was their overlapping curriculum, not his. He thought about turning to talk to Minerva but as he glanced over he realized she was in her own little world. She was so deep in thought. "I had some things going on with my mother at home and opted out. I did the alternative assignment."

"Well, do you want to know your Boggart?" Remus asked. That simple question caught Severus's attention and he put his utensils down as he turned his whole body to face their conversation. His eyes were narrowed at his childhood bully.

"I don't think that's wise, Remus," Severus warned and Genevieve countered it by rubbing his knee soothingly under the table. Remus set his spoon down and held his hands up defensively. Neither wanted to cause a scene but after what had happened during her occlumency lessons Severus was positive that she couldn't handle knowing her Boggart. He had a few ideas of what her Boggart might be but his top bet was Gilderoy. Sometimes, she was still too triggered to have sex and any wrong movement on Severus's part caused flashbacks.

"You're not Genevieve," he retorted at he glared at his friend's partner. Just as Severus opened his mouth to respond, the blunt and incredibly tense interaction finally caught Minerva's attention. She turned her body inwards to face the trio.

"Boys, cut it out," she chastised. Unable to misbehave in front of their former professor, Severus and Remus shut their mouths and leaned back in their chairs. Genevieve refused to look up at either of them; she was tired of their pettiness. She wanted nothing more than for them to get along but that was proving formidable.

Exhausted from the social interaction, Genevieve began to stack the dishes and utensils she had used that evening in order to make it much easier for the elves in the kitchen to clean up after her. "I would love to step in," she responded after some contemplation. "I'll stop by your classroom during my free period. I have some things to do so I can't stay the entire time, however I can definitely help you demonstrate the lesson."

Severus was still clearly seething but he couldn't really say anything. He did not want to be controlling of her nor would he ever attempt to force her to do or say something, but he was extremely uncomfortable with their friendship. It rubbed him the wrong way. Especially the nickname Remus had given her – _sunshine_. Severus thought it to be ironic given his code name with the Marauders.

"That's settled then," Remus said with a genuine smile. He glared at Severus and started piling his dishes as well. Genevieve caught onto his attitude and grew immensely irritated with the both of them. "I've best be going. I have grading I need to catch up on. I'll see you later, sunshine. Minerva, Severus," he acknowledged.

Minerva offered a soft smile towards her former student and Severus merely internalized the gross feeling he got whenever he called her _sunshine_. Genevieve looked over at her partner to find him silently seething and her anxiety starting picking up. She was about to say something, but the moment she parted her lips, Severus began speaking.

"I'm going to go home," he said irritably. Emotionally drained and still sensitive, Genevieve felt her cheeks grow hot and her vision blur with tears. "I've lost my appetite."

"Severus, you're being dramatic," Minerva sighed. She put her utensils down and stared at her former students with her brows furrowed. Intuitively, she knew they would be arguing when they left the table that evening. "Remus is harmless. You don't need to get all uptight when he asks her to do things."

Without any form of acknowledgement, Severus adjusted his cloak and left the Great Hall. The moment the door closed behind him, Genevieve scrambled to grab her things. A few tears slipped down her cheeks and she wiped them away pathetically. "It's always good to see you, Minnie. Love you," she muttered quickly as she pressed a kiss to the side of her mentor's head.

Severus was known around the castle for walking fast with a rather dramatic strut; he was a tall man of an ominous 6'1 stature and therefore he towered amongst most of the Hogwarts population. This included his partner whose strides were much shorter than his due to being only 5'8. Genevieve struggled to catch up to him and was practically running as she yelled after him.

"Severus," she called out. The potions professor turned on his heels sharply to look at his partner, his cloak halting emphatically behind him. Eventually, she caught up to him but she remained several feet away. She shifted her weight between her feet hesitantly as she hugged herself. "Are you mad at me?"

"No," he responded sternly. His tone was offsetting to her and she held her breath as she fought back tears. "I'm not mad at you."

Despite his irritable mood, Severus extended his hand out to his partner to prove he was not upset with her. She stared at it for a moment before she slid her hand into his, fingers intertwining. Her heart was hammering in her chest and she felt it echoing in her ears as they rounded the corner into their quarters. Whatever tears had slipped down her cheeks Genevieve wiped away aggressively and pathetically. She paused in the middle of the kitchen as Severus sat down in the common room with one of his books. Intuitively, she firmly believed he was mad at her.

Genevieve kicked off her shoes just like her partner had and let her bag drop by the front door. She set her wand down and took a deep breath in an attempt to calm her racing heart and even out her breathing but she couldn't. It was unnerving to have Severus be so emotionally withdrawn from her especially given how needy she was as she recovered from her occlumency lesson.

Wiping her eyes again, Genevieve mustered up the courage to go into the common room. On her way over to the armchair where Severus was seated, she pulled her hair up with an elastic and got down on her knees in front of him. Without any sort of prior indication, Genevieve started unbuckling his belt but her vision was so blurred with tears she could not see what she was doing and her fingers fumbled. He grabbed her wrists firmly but not tightly.

"What are you doing?" he asked softly. Genevieve sat back on her heels and pulled her hands back from him just to try and continue. "Genevieve—"

"I'm making you feel better," she responded as her voiced cracked. She sounded small and almost as if she were forcing herself to do it which made him incredibly uncomfortable. "You're jealous of Remus and you're mad at me and I know blowjobs make you feel better."

"I'm not jealous," he retorted a bit too quickly as he grabbed her wrists once again. He held her a bit tighter now and took note of the way she was crying and her breathing was uneven. "Genevieve, I don't want a blowjob. Please relax. I'm not mad at you."

When Severus let her wrists go, Genevieve pulled her hair out of the elastic before she stared up at her partner. She picked at her nail polish as she processed his rejection and her cheeks turned a dark pink color. "You are jealous. Please stop telling me you're not."

"I'm not jealous of Remus," he snapped. Genevieve jumped at the tone of his voice and hugged herself tightly as she scooted back a little on the floor. She was suppressing sobs at this point; dinner was overstimulating to her with the social environment, then Severus very obviously became jealous and overprotective of her, and now he was projecting. She was exhausted. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say it like that."

"I don't like it when you lie to me, Severus," she said quietly. Her voice was calm but it was clear to him that she was trying not to break. "You get uptight whenever he calls me sunshine and if he touches me at all you look like you're going to strangle him. Just admit it. Why are you jealous of him? I thought you trusted me."

Severus hesitated to respond to that and his chest tightened when her waterworks started up again and she started taking in sharper breaths. "You don't trust me?" she whimpered.

"I do trust you," he reassured. He tried his best to keep his voice even and his body movements predictable to prevent from triggering her at all. He licked his lips and took a deep breath as he attempted to gather his thoughts. More than anything, he feared sounding pathetic. "Gen, I don't think you realize just how beautiful you are. You could have anyone of any gender and for some reason you chose me. I don't know why you did but I'm absolutely terrified you'll wake up one day and realize you made a mistake. Especially when you've repetitively told me you have a preference for women."

Her partner's vulnerabilities made her creep closer to him again and she reached up her hands to cup his face in her palms. She couldn't stop crying and she felt herself succumbing to the hysterics that she'd been suppressing for several hours now.

"Severus, I'm not going to leave you for a woman or any other gender for that matter. First of all, that's problematic of you to think and I would appreciate it if you would get rid of that mindset. My preference for women doesn't mean I am always seeking out relations with women or trying to find a way out and I need you to realize that. Second, just because I'm close to Remus doesn't mean I'm going to view him the same way I view you. Severus, _you_ are my best friend and the love of my life. I want to be your wife, to be the mother of your children, and to spend the rest of my days on this earth laughing and smiling with you. I want random nights where we're dancing in the kitchen to our wedding song while we're wine drunk or cuddling our children in our bed because they're scared of thunderstorms and it never stops raining in Scotland. Nobody could take those dreams away from me. I am so in love with you. I could never look at anyone the way I look at you."

Tears were streaming down Snape's face at that point and Genevieve tried her absolute hardest to keep up with wiping them away but he was completely unraveled. That was his absolute biggest fear – she would leave him because of something he couldn't change.

"You're _my_ best friend and the love of my life," he whispered as he stroked her chin sweetly with his thumb. "As juvenile as it is and perhaps a poor choice of reasoning, I can't help but think about what you said when you explained your mentality when you cheated on Sarah. I know you were sixteen but it sticks with me."

"That I sabotage my own happiness?" she whispered as she smoothed down the side of his hair. He nodded rather pathetically and she sighed as she sat up on her knees to cradle him against her chest. "Oh, mijn schatje, I'm not scared of being happy with you. I sabotaged my relationship with Sarah because I was scared of letting myself be happy _with her_. She didn't know what was going on in my head with undiagnosed bipolar disorder and I didn't have the words to verbalize it and it drove a wedge between us. I knew it wouldn't last so I slept with Caleb and that became a regular arrangement. You've seen me at my most vulnerable and you stayed with me. I do not have the same fears."

Severus pressed his lips together as he processed what she said. It still unnerved him knowing that infidelity was a pattern and that it was what prevented him from completely believing her though he tried his absolute best. She had never given him reason to suspect any sort of affair, even now with Remus. She kept her hands to herself and anything they did together looked completely platonic.

"What happened with her?" he asked softly. "With Sarah, I mean. I was your professor, not a student, so I barely heard what happened. How you met, when you dated. Why was everyone so invested when you two separated?"

"Sarah and I were each other's first friend coming to Hogwarts," Genevieve said with a shrug. As she stood up from her kneeling position, Severus opened his arms for her and she didn't hesitate to snuggle herself into the warmth of his body. She was happy that his anger had subsided and was soothed by the sound of his heart beating in his chest. "She was a Hufflepuff so I didn't see her as much as my Gryffindor friends, but when houses were allowed to mingle I spent all of my free time with her. We talked about everything and she became my best friend. I ended up falling in love with her fast and quite hard during our fifth year when I realized I might like women, too."

"Mm, I remember you used to write little love notes for her in class," Severus chuckled as he rubbed circles into her back. "I confiscated a lot of them. They were sweet, though I had to use the translation charm on some of them. Did she also speak Dutch? I didn't know you spoke it until those notes, by the way."

"Oh stop it," she grumbled as she playfully slapped his arm. "Yes, she spoke Dutch. Her mother is a half-blood graduate from Beauxbatons. Her father is a Muggle. She moved to Scotland with her mother when her father died, so she was accepted to Hogwarts. Sarah came out to me as a lesbian sometime before Christmas break of our fifth year. Neither of us were going home for break so we spent every moment we could together. I confessed I had feelings, she reciprocated them, and it resulted in a very awkward hookup. I technically lost my virginity to her. Who did you lose your virginity to?"

"I don't know her name," he mumbled apprehensively as he stopped rubbing her back. His teenage sex life was not something that he really wanted to talk about with her as curious as he knew she was. It was simply a lot. "I didn't ask. I was really young and I used sex to cope with a lot of things. I didn't know the names of most people I'd slept with by the time I graduated from Hogwarts."

"That's how I feel about my laboratory staff," she said without thinking. She screwed her eyes shut and pressed her lips together. Frustration bubbled in her chest when he stopped rubbing her back. "Daddy, why did you stop?"

"When did you sleep with your laboratory staff?" he whispered. The tone of his voice projected that he was uncomfortable with asking that question, but given their previous conversation he worried that it would have been while they were not in a relationship but still casually seeing one another. "Was it recent?"

"No, it was when I was nineteen and twenty," Genevieve confessed as she buried her face into his neck. "I've slept with everyone, single and married. I know that's awful of me but I was cycling through mania and euthymia without any depression for two years."

"Princess," he sighed as he relaxed his head against the armchair. "Okay, what about what happened with Caleb? Why did you make that arrangement with Caleb?"

"Sarah tried to give me a promise ring and I realized how much of myself I kept guarded. I was scared of being happy long term so I was reckless. There isn't much else to it, Severus. I was naive and sick." Genevieve shifted uncomfortably with how she was relaxed against her partner and part of her felt extremely judged by what she did. She was her own worst enemy and had scrutinized herself for her choices and behaviors for the last eight years.

"Are you going to do that when I propose to you?" Severus asked, his voice cracking mid-sentence. He closed his eyes and tried to blink the paranoia away but it would not relent. Genevieve sat up to look at her partner and grabbed his chin between her forefinger and thumb.

"No," she said sternly. "Look at me, Severus. I'm in love with you. I made a mistake with Sarah and I paid the consequences for it. I'm not making that mistake again because I love you. I love you. _I love you_."

Severus hesitantly opened his eyes to see his partner with both her dark brows raised and her eyes darkened. As a distraction to his own thoughts, his eyes lazily traced the outline of her nose and lips. She was perfect. "I love you too," he whispered. "I do want to talk to you about something else."

"Am I in trouble?" Genevieve murmured as she pushed his hair out of his face. "I'm sorry, daddy. I didn't mean it."

"You don't need to apologize for anything," he reassured. "You're not in trouble, princess. We just need to talk about that sex thing you keep pulling. You do it a lot, you know. When you think I'm upset with you, you try to offer sex so my mood evens out. Even when you're crying and not in a good mindset, you offer to suck me off or let me fuck you."

Genevieve frowned and laid back down against his chest so that she didn't have to look him in the eyes anymore. "I just dated a lot of men who got mad at me a lot, or at least projected their anger onto me. I had a boyfriend when I was twenty who would be nicer and not as angry if we had sex so I did that a lot. It works."

"Genevieve, sweetheart, whoever your partner was, he was taking advantage of you. I would never in a million years ask you for sex or want sex while I was upset with you. The only exception is hate sex while we're fighting."

"Men love me when I have sex with them," she mumbled into his skin. "Even if it makes me feel gross."

"I don't ever want to make you feel gross and I'm always going to love you," Severus sighed as he pet the back of her head. It was becoming increasingly clear to him that a lot of her trauma was an extension of when she was dealing with undiagnosed bipolar disorder and therefore was making unhealthy choices. "I would talk to you like an adult if I was upset with you. Have you talked to Katie about this?"

Genevieve shrugged. It hadn't really crossed her mind; Severus never pressed her to do anything she didn't want to so it wasn't a top priority of hers to talk about in therapy. "Once, but it was in passing conversation. I can talk to her about it soon, I suppose."

"That would be smart," he soothed as he kissed her head. "I love you, princess."

"I love you too, Sev."

* * *

Genevieve had mentioned it once in passing conversation with her extremely reclusive partner that they rarely stepped outside of their routine and did something new. She expressed that she was tired of being cooped up in the same environments all day; they were either in their classrooms, their offices, or in their quarters and she desperately wanted a change of scenery. Severus tried to reason with her that he liked where they frequented and was comfortable avoiding students and people he didn't like, but Genevieve was insistent that they change it up a little bit. She expressed that she missed the library and suggested that they grade papers there while the students were on a field trip in Hogsmeade which they did once a month. Severus reluctantly agreed to the short endeavor.

On a typical day, both Severus and Genevieve worked hard when it came to their duties as a professor. Of course, Severus had more work to do because he was Head of Slytherin House, but Genevieve also worked alongside him. They had clear boundaries set when they were doing work – unless there was an emergency, there was absolutely no need to interrupt each other. Much to Genevieve's dismay, kisses did not count as an emergency. She truly was hurt when he told her that so instead, when she finished her work, she would lay her head down and watch him continue with the plethora of job requirements he had. She thought it was cute.

Sitting at a small table in the farthest corner of the library, Severus sat across from his partner as he graded potions write-ups. His dark brows were furrowed in concentration as he repetitively started aggressively marking incorrect answers. The upperclassmen write-ups were absolutely horrendous that week. Some of the simplest concepts were being marked wrong which was irritating not only to Severus, but to his students. Despite the expert knowledge he had in potions, Severus was awful at tutoring students and seeing things from their perspective therefore he often utilized any spare moment Genevieve had to tutor his students. She didn't do it often, but every once in a while she would take his students and help them through modules. He realized while working through the assignments for the Felix Felicis module that he would definitely need her again.

Looking up from the stack of papers, Severus flipped the pile of write-ups around so that his partner was able to look at them. His body language was tense and he felt his blood boiling with frustration as he placed his pen down onto the table. "I don't understand what's not clicking in their head," he grumbled irritably. "It's so blatantly obvious in the textbook. Can't they read?"

Genevieve pushed her glasses up onto her head as she looked over at the papers he was grading. She furrowed her brows and started flipping through the individual students' assignments and straightaway she noticed a pattern in incorrectness. "How did you introduce the module? Severus, everyone misunderstood the section. You clearly aren't relaying the topic correctly."

"I'm well aware. Help me fix it," he snapped bitterly. Genevieve raised a brow at his attitude and turned the papers back around towards him. Sometimes, she forgot how different Severus was from Professor Snape. It was like night and day with him.

"Where are you manners?" Gen immediately retorted as she sat back in her chair with her arms crossed over her chest. She stared him down with her eyes narrowed but he did not budge with how he addressed her. "If you want me to tutor your students on a module you should know how to teach, you should at least say please."

Severus rolled his eyes. "Gen, just do it for me."

Attention piqued, Genevieve adjusted her posture so that she was leaning slightly forwards on the table. It was in moments like these she forgot how hard it was for him to be nice to her when it was work related and didn't specifically pertain to their relationship. As a response to his bluntness and rudeness, she held eye contact with her partner as she unbuttoned the top few buttons on her blouse.

"What did you say?" she asked. Her voice was smooth and low but also subtly domineering. Severus's line of sight fell to her breasts, and he sunk back against his chair as he gathered his thoughts. There was absolutely no way he could say no to her when she teased him like that.

"Can you do it for me, _please_?" he rephrased. It was clear he didn't want to and was more adamant about making his work life easier, but much like when she was his teaching aide, Genevieve enjoyed getting a response out of him this way.

"That's much better," she purred sweetly. She glanced around the library to see if anyone would be coming in their direction anytime soon, but the library was mostly empty. Therefore, Genevieve turned her head back to her partner who was still distracted by her body and she slowly unbuttoned a few more.

"Princess, if you keep doing that we're going to have a problem," Severus said sternly. Liking the attention it brought, Genevieve's cheeks reddened and her eyes darkened. She finished the bottom few buttons on her blouse and smirked. "You little temptress. Don't you dare."

"I don't know what you're talking about, daddy," she responded innocently. His breathing hitched in his chest when he realized she had one of her sets on underneath. More specifically, she was wearing the red one he liked so much. He could see her nipples clearly through the lace.

"Grab your things, we're leaving," he responded roughly. He shoved his materials into a folder and stood. Waiting impatiently for his partner to grab all her materials and shove them into her bag, Severus stared at how he breasts moved. She had not buttoned her shirt up again and therefore her gold jewelry hung on her neck and rested between her breasts.

Genevieve fumbled to shove papers and folders into her bag; her brain was foggy as she followed Severus into the corridor and she squeaked when he pulled her into a nearby supply closet. Her heart was skipping beats rapidly; she hadn't expected him to be so bold with her given how reserved he typically was with their sex life.

Attempting to calm racing heart, Genevieve tucked her dark hair behind her ear and looked up at her partner. "Daddy, what are we–"

"Shut it," he said as he set his course materials down on the stool near the cleaning supplies. He grabbed her bag from her roughly and tossed it on the floor beside the stool before he shoved her back against the wall by her hips. His eyes were darkened and his gaze still rested on her body. "You were a little brat in the library teasing me like that. Who do you think you are?"

"I'm your good girl," she responded as she averted her gaze. She was incredibly intimidated by his tone of voice but she was soaked by the way his hands trailed along her body. Her response had immediately caused regret and her eyes widened as he grabbed her face roughly and squeezed her freckles cheeks. He forced her to look at him and his stomach fluttered at the sight of fear in her eyes. His erection grew.

"You are _not_ a good girl," he growled under his breath. The hand that remained between her legs unskillfully attempted to roll her panties down while he forced her to keep eye contact. Her breathing hitched and his heart began racing at the sound and how his fingers brushed how wet she was. "We were in _public_. Good girls don't tease in public."

"I'm sorry," she whimpered as she suppressed a moan while she stroked her. Her fingers skillfully unfastened his belt and unzipping his trousers, tugging them down his legs. Severus's breathing was ragged now as he felt her fingers brush along his cock. "I'll be a good girl now, I promise."

"I know you will." Satisfied with her submission, Severus untucked her blouse from her skirt and pushed it off her shoulders to reveal more skin. He really did enjoy seeing her in this red set and his cock throbbed from the sight of it. He roughly pushed her up against the wall so that her legs were around his hips and her skirt was shoved up on her waist. Her chest rose and fell quickly and her stomach fluttered at the feeling of his cock against her wet pussy. She moaned lowly and pulled him closer to her as his cock entered her.

Severus set a rather quick pace which caused Gen's back to slide up against the wall with each rough thrust of his hips. She suppressed her moans into little hum noises to keep them from being caught but it was difficult given how heavy Severus was breathing and groaning into her ear. The way she made him feel and how good he clearly felt made her feel completely euphoric but perhaps that was in part due to mania. "You better keep quiet or I won't let you come. Do I make myself clear?"

Genevieve exhaled sharply at his little threat and she nodded over and over again as her body shook while he fucked her. "Yes, daddy," she whispered as she leaned her head back against the wall.

Her eyes drifted shut as she pulled his face against her breasts. She focused on the feeling of his warm breath against her skin and how he hit that sweet spot she desperately craved with each upward motion of his hips. Her legs started shaking but Severus steadied her as he quickened his pace. This proved more difficult to remain quiet.

Biting her lip, Genevieve held her breath to prevent any noises from escaping her throat but this caused her cheeks to grow red and her chest to burn. She gasped for air and a loud moan escaped her throat which Severus didn't hesitate to respond to with a sharp slap to her ass. "Shut the fuck up, you little slut," he hissed.

Attempting to regulate herself, Gen raked her fingers through his hair and basked in the feeling of his lips and tongue pressing wet and messy kisses along her breasts. Severus gripped her hips harder to support his thrusts with his nails dug into her scarred skin. She seethed though she found the feeling to be oddly pleasurable. He muffled his growing moans by pressing his face between her breasts and his brain fogged as he felt her tense around his cock.

"You are not allowed to come until I say you can," he commanded sharply. Already shaking and on the brink of an orgasm, Genevieve was irritated and frustrated but nevertheless she listened to him. She focused on holding back her orgasm as much as she could to the point she hadn't acknowledged she was pulling his hair. Her stomach fluttered at the feeling of his cock throbbing and she held onto her partner tighter as she suppressed moans.

"Daddy, come inside me," she pleaded breathlessly as she screwed her eyes shut. She was panting now. "Fill me with your cum, please. I'm your pretty little cum slut."

Gen pressed her lips together to muffle some of her low moan hums as Severus kept with his pace. As she took a deep breath, a loud gasp escaped the back of her throat and he shushed her with a hand pressed over her mouth. Tears welled in her eyes as she continued to hold back her orgasm; she desperately wanted to be a good girl for him but it became more difficult when she felt his cock throb. Severus moaned loudly into her chest which he tried to muffle but he couldn't.

"Fuck, you feel so good," he said breathlessly. He let her body fall against him as he filled her with cum. The feeling of his cock pulsing and the spreading warmth made her stomach flutter and she waited for his verbal permission to come, but it didn't happen.

When Severus finally set her down, Genevieve could barely stand because her legs were shaking so much. He fixed his trousers and ran a hand through his sweaty hair as he smoothed his jacket and reached towards the stool to grab his work. Her brows were furrowed as she stood leaning against the wall, chest heaving and cum dripping down her thighs.

"Daddy, what the fuck," she whined as she crossed her arms over her chest. Severus looked up at her once he had cleaned himself up and grabbed his materials and he simply grabbed her chin between his forefinger and thumb to press a soft kiss to her lips. She didn't return it.

"Sluts eager for attention don't get to finish. You could have easily gotten us in trouble with what you pulled in the library," he said sternly. Genevieve stared at him blankly; she was visibly upset with him. "Behave next time. You're not allowed to touch yourself either and if I found out you did you'll be punished again, do you understand?"

"No," she responded sternly. Her cheeks grew red in frustration as tears welled in her eyes. She didn't like this punishment and Severus knew that, but spanking her grew ineffective. She liked that too much so it wasn't much of a punishment anymore. "No, I was a good girl. I made you come. I want to come."

"I said no," Severus reiterated bluntly. He reached for her bag to hand her wand over to her. She still wouldn't budge from her little tantrum and refused to take her wand. He sighed irritably and instead grabbed his own wand, waving it so that she was cleaned up. "Stop with the back talk. Get dressed. Let's go."

Genevieve didn't move. " _Now_ , princess."

Begrudgingly, Genevieve pulled her blouse back over her shoulders and buttoned it quickly before she tucked it back into her skirt. She was blinking back tears and her legs were still shaking; she was clearly still upset. "I want to come. I can make you come again if you want but I want to come. I was a good girl."

"Genevieve," he warned again as he held his hand out for her. Anger bubbled in his chest with how irritatingly persistent she was at rejecting his punishment. "I said no. Listen to me when I talk to you. _Let's go_."

Finally ceding from her little grudge, Genevieve grabbed her partner's hand and used her other to wipe away the tears that slid down her cheeks. She realized how pathetic she was being and silenced herself as they left the supply closet. "When do the students get back?"

"Two hours or so," he responded as he glanced down at her. She didn't meet his eyes and instead remained looking forward as her arm relaxed completely. Her hand rested lazily in his almost like she was forcing herself to do it. "Why are you so upset with me? You brought this upon yourself and you like when I spank you so that's not an effective punishment now."

"No, it's not the sex," she mumbled as she stopped walking. Gen furrowed her brows as she glanced up at her partner and tucked her arms against her chest. He turned to face her. "You still treat me like shit when it comes to work related things. I don't like it."

"I'm sorry," he whispered as tilted her chin up. He pressed a soft kiss to her lips which she didn't return. This was more than just upset with him but she was internalizing it. "I don't mean to. I'll work on it, princess. Thank you for telling me."

Though she accepted his apology, she still felt incredibly detached from him. Severus countered her obvious discomfort by peppering kisses along her red cheeks, then her nose, her forehead, and finally her lips. "Please don't be upset with me, Gen. Would back rubs make you feel better?"

"I don't like it when you bribe a good mood with kisses and back rubs," she grumbled with a pout. Severus rubbed her arms soothingly and kissed her again which she finally returned. "Yes, they would. But I'm still mad at you."

"I'm sorry," he pleaded softly as his arms slid around her waist to pull her closer to him. Severus turned on his heels to have them walk back towards their quarters; two hours went by quickly when it came to them and he knew if she wanted back rubs that she would most likely fall asleep. Genevieve leaned her head down against her partner's shoulder. "I'll make you come hard tonight if it will make you feel better."

Genevieve hesitated to respond and pressed her lips together. She wasn't sure she wanted that again; she was sore. "Gentle this time?" she asked softly. Her voice wavered and Severus kissed the side of her head. Her mood started lightening. "Sev, stop it. I'm trying to be upset with you and you're making it impossible for me to stand my ground."

"No being upset," he soothed as he hugged her tightly. "I'll be as gentle as you want, princess. I love you."

Eyes drifting shut, Gen buried her face in her partner's chest for some sort of comfort. "I love you too."


	35. PART THIRTY-FIVE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: alcohol consumption, disordered eating, death eater business

The come down from one of Genevieve's manic episodes was perhaps the most relieving part about loving someone with bipolar disorder – at least, it was to Severus. Emotional regulation became much easier so she wasn't constantly swinging back and forth at the smallest inconveniences. Her speech slowed, her words felt less pressured, and her thoughts reordered themselves. Obsessive thoughts melted away. It even made a physical difference; her body began to relax which meant she no longer was bouncing her leg when she sat, tapping her fingers, or needing to walk around to do something due to pent up excess energy. Euthymia put all of this on pause and watching it happen eased his anxiety and stress. Severus knew, at least for a couple months, his partner would remain the way she was when he fell in love with her. If he was lucky, she would remain euthymic from then – the middle of November – through the rest of term. The addition of an antipsychotic and an increase in her mood stabilizer paired with her antidepressant made this come down happen much quicker than her other episodes and he was extremely confident they had found the right doses of medication. It lifted a weight off his shoulders.

While euthymic, Genevieve often suggested that she and Severus spend more time together out of Hogwarts. During manic episodes, she usually was so overwhelmed with ideas and hyperfixation that she left without saying a word to anyone but with her neutral state she wanted to go places with her partner. So despite the November cold, Genevieve had insisted to Severus that they needed to take a trip to Hogsmeade. She had absolutely no idea what she wanted to go for, only that she wanted to step away from Hogwarts and look around. She loved Tomes and Scrolls so she browsed the books there and Severus was captivated by Scrivenshaft's like he always was, but besides that one stop for stationary, he simply followed her around like a little puppy. She was, after all, the one that suggested going to Hogsmeade. She wanted fresh air, though Severus had tried to reason with her that she could get fresh air at Hogwarts. Genevieve didn't budge on her request.

The couple rounded the corner of a building with their fingers intertwined in a comfortable silence, but Genevieve's attention was caught by a rather young looking couple and their children. Her heart stopped in her chest and then lunged forward, making her pull her hand back from her partner's and stop walking. Severus shifted his attention to her, taking note of the way her eyes watered and her dark brows furrowed slightly. She looked incredibly pained and her cheeks, which were already red from the cold, darkened.

"What's wrong, princess?" he asked sweetly as he pushed some of her dark hair out of her face and over her shoulder. Her eyes remained fixated on the little family and Severus's voice became muffled. He pressed his lips together and stroked the back of her head to soothe her but he had absolutely no idea what to do. "Do you want to go home?"

"Can we try for a baby now?" she responded without really addressing either of his questions. She didn't stop staring and a few tears slipped down her cheeks. Severus followed her line of sight and he became nauseous when he realized she had been triggered by a small family. There were two little girls who held onto their father's hands and a mother who had a slightly younger boy on her hip. It very clearly affected her and she turned back to face him. He stroked her cheeks sweetly to try and rid of the tears but they just kept coming. "Everything is perfect right now. I'm not manic anymore, you're doing really well with your treatment, our communication is healthy, and we both have social support. Nothing stupid is currently happening at Hogwarts and I think it's a really good time to have a baby."

Severus sighed slightly and closed his eyes as he processed what she said. She wasn't inherently wrong; if it weren't for the fact he knew Voldemort was returning and was well aware of his belligerent, malicious intent, it would be the perfect time to have a child. However, he could not in good conscious bring a child into a world with such uncertainty and violence being so impending.

"This isn't a question to answer while we're out in town," he reasoned softly as he adjusted the winter hat on top of her head and flicked the little puff ball on top. She had pulled her warmest clothes out very early this year. "We can talk about this when we go home. How does that sound? Are you ready to go?"

His hesitation to answer her question already was enough information she needed but she still nodded and slid her hand back into his. Severus kissed her forehead as they started walking and he pulled his wand out in preparation to apparate, but Genevieve was in her own head again. She replayed her question over and over in her mind and slowly convinced herself that she should just back out of the conversation entirely. If he wanted to talk more, that was a definite no and it made her nervous.

It was quite obvious to Severus that Genevieve wasn't mentally present. She didn't look up at him at all on their way back to their quarters and though she didn't appear to be upset with him, she definitely wasn't herself. As he opened the door and let her into their home, she took off her winter hat and her coat and hung them up before she took off her shoes and mindfully placed them by the front door like she always did. The moment the doors closed she wrapped her arms around herself and finally made eye contact with her partner. Tears still streamed down her red cheeks and her nose was running.

"We don't have to talk about it," Genevieve whispered to him as she attempted to warm herself up. Severus sighed as he watched her light the fireplace in order to keep herself warm and sit in front of it with her knees drawn to her chest. The topic of children hadn't visibly bothered her as much months ago as it did now. "I get it. It's okay. No baby."

"We're going to talk about it anyways. I don't want you bottling this up again," he sighed as he removed his cloak and shoes. He made the decision to boil some water in the kettle to make her some tea to warm her up before he joined her on the floor. She leaned her head against his shoulder and he stroked her hair sweetly. "Your logic isn't inherently flawed, Gen. All things consciously considered, it would be a very good time to have a baby. How long have you been thinking about this?"

"It was an obsessive thought while I was manic," she mumbled as tears dripped off her chin. She wiped them away pathetically and tried to regulate her emotions. It was such a stupid reason to be crying. "It's stayed since I've come down from it. Seeing young children makes my chest tighten, Severus. We could have had that right now. Our baby girl would have been three months old."

"I don't think we're ready to have a baby right now, my darling," he responded softly. Severus shifted his arm to rub circles into her back but his response only made her tear slip down her face faster. "I'm teaching you occlumency for a very specific reason and I need us to focus on the reasoning for that before we think about having a baby."

"I know," Genevieve murmured as she leaned back into his touch. She refused to look up at him; her line of sight was hyperfixated on the flames in the fireplace. "I can't stop thinking about it, though. I know you loved our baby very much and the way you mourn her is valid, Severus, but she was inside _me_. I was so attached to and so connected to her. I used to rub my belly when treatment got difficult because I knew I needed to get better to be a good mum. She made it easier. Knowing she was there comforted me. Now I'm consumed with this physical emptiness that I can't really explain to you because you're not a woman. She was supposed to be _mine_ and my body couldn't carry her because of what Gilderoy did to me. Every time I see a baby I want a second chance."

"You're going to have that chance. I promise you, my love. But now is not the time," Severus sighed. Genevieve shifted her weight to sit up just as the kettle started whistling and he got up to go get her cup of tea. She was more than grateful for the hot liquid when he returned with it and kissed her forehead. "I need you to trust me when I say I'm keeping you safe. Do you trust me?"

"I do trust you," she sniffled as she took a sip of her tea. Severus sat down but kept his body facing her instead. "But there's never going to be the perfect time to have a baby, Severus. We found that out last year when I got pregnant. We agreed to have her and not to terminate. Would you have said the same thing?"

"I loved Baby Snape," he reassured. "But we weren't ready for her either. I promise I'll give you a baby eventually, Gen. As many babies as your heart desires and we'll get a cottage in Hogsmeade with lots of natural light so you can soak the sun up all you want like a little house cat and use your potter's wheel."

As Severus told her all of this, she inched closer to him so that she was seated in his lap with her legs wrapped around his hips. He stroked her chin sweetly with his thumb and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. That was all she wanted. She had dealt with chaos her entire life and she was exhausted. She was tired of the trauma, her diagnosis, and even the drama surrounding Hogwarts. Genevieve cradled her belly the way she used to when she was carrying Baby Snape and she laughed sadly at how pathetic she felt.

"I just want a baby, Severus," she insisted. Her voice cracked as she said her partner's name and he furrowed his brows at the tears that started rolling down her cheeks again. "Gilderoy robbed me of so many things. I still don't feel like my body is mine sometimes. I still feel like I'm wrong whenever I work with Remus. But he robbed me of being a mum and that one hurts the worst. I was so excited to meet our baby and he look her from us."

Genevieve didn't really communicate much about her rape with him since he had visually seen it through their occlumency lesson but even before then she kept a lot of it to herself unless it directly impacted their relationship. He wouldn't have known how much pain she was in while she struggled with these thoughts.

"Come here, princess," he soothed as he opened his arms for her. She put her tea down and buried her face into his chest as he stroked the back of her head sweetly. She tried her hardest not to cry; she still felt incredibly pathetic. "You've never told me about this part before. The empty feeling, I mean. You're hurting."

"Hurting is such an understatement, Severus," she cried into his shirt. He held her closer to him and closed his eyes at the haunting sound of her sobs. She sounded so broken and perhaps that's what she was. He never knew how important being a mother was to her and it definitely had to be a new thought because she was happy to wait for a baby. "You have no idea how awful my baby fever had made me feel. I have a physical ache in my uterus."

"When everything is over, we'll talk about switching out your contraceptive potion for a fertility one. I promise," he mumbled into her hair as he kissed the top of her head. "Why don't you show me the books you got in Hogsmeade, mm? While you go get them I can make a little pillow fort on the floor and we can cuddle by the fire. How does that sound?"

Genevieve nodded as she sobbed into her partner's chest and clung to him. His chest ached at her emotional reaction. More than anything, Severus wanted to keep her safe and comfortable while he discussed what was happening with Albus, Minerva, and Remus. If he could do that, they would be able to have a baby much sooner. He held onto that idea – the idea of seeing her so happy with a ring on her finger and a baby in her arms – as terrifying as domestic life was for him.

* * *

The impending return of the Dark Lord worried all members of The Order of the Phoenix, but Minerva and Severus grew equally more concerned with his return given their deep love for Genevieve and the very obvious target that was on her back. Not only did she have valuable talents, but her father had turned in several hundred Death Eaters which meant he was wanted. Collectively, they were all aware of what was happening.

The events of Voldemort showing up like a parasitic demon on the back of Quirrell's head and subsequently the preservation of his sixteen year old body via a horcrux seemed to open their eyes that he was becoming closer and closer to returning. Though Harry had defeated him both times, they all knew it would keep happening. Severus swore to protect Harry and Minerva did it by extension, but when Johan had explained what Voldemort wanted with Luuk, the two worried he would seek Genevieve the next time he tried to return. It was only when Gen explained the overlap of healing and dark magic did they solidify their guess that she would be a target. Voldemort needed another pawn and a very powerful one at that – he already assumed he had Severus and with them being partners, it seemed like it would progress naturally that way.

Seated around the table was Dumbledore, McGonagall, Snape, and Lupin. They all seemed detached from the conversation except for Dumbledore who spoke freely about the current situation, but given that the other three loved Genevieve and swore to protect the last piece of Lily and James Potter, they were disheartened by the conversation. Yet at the same time, they knew they needed to try their absolute hardest to bring down Voldemort which is what kept them alert and productive.

"Her occlumency lessons have been progressing well," Severus said as he folded his hands on the table. He picked at his fingers. "She's successfully been able to block me from her happiest memories. I can't see them anymore. She claims she doesn't want them tainted but her most painful ones are harder for her to resist. When they come to the front of her mind, she breaks down crying."

Remus pulled his chair closer to the table and pressed his lips together. Though he didn't know Genevieve for very long, he considered her one of his best friends given that most of his friends group was dead. He cared about her and loved her. "I don't think you should stop trying with the occlumency. If Voldemort can get a handle on her most painful, vulnerable memories that would be enough to torture her to madness if it came down to it. We know she won't willingly join the Death Eaters so it would be entirely coercive."

"I noticed she's been practicing her most basic healing charms and carrying around a book of her meticulous notes," Minerva added as she played with the old ring around her finger. She took a deep breath as she twirled an old ring around her finger. It had become a habit lately. "Remus, she told you that the baseline of healing magic is the same as it is for dark magic. Am I correct?"

The werewolf nodded with a sigh. "Yes, that's what she told me. If she's practicing her basic charms that must mean she's actively trying to protect herself. Severus, you scare her with talk of the Dark Lord, you know that right? She's paranoid after what happened to her brother."

"Genevieve is perfect fine," Severus retorted sharply. Albus pressed his lips together and folded his hands on the table in front of him. There was still some immature tension between the two of them and it was starting to get on everyone's nerves. "She can take care of herself."

"Severus, Remus is right," Albus responded smoothly. Severus raised his signature brow and scoffed slightly. There was absolutely no way they knew Genevieve better than him. Perhaps Minerva would be a closer call. "We can't instill blatant fears in her. If she is practicing her basic charms and taking notes on the foundational keystones, she is definitely up to something. I've no idea what, but the more we scare her the more she won't trust us or The Order. Now that she's selectively very good at occlumency, I doubt she would let any of us see or know what she's doing by practicing those spells."

A little exclamation point went off in Severus's head and without giving everyone time to process, he relayed, "She's creating spells. She has to be. If she explained healing and dark magic as being two sides to the same coin, there has to be something at the core of basic healing magic that she's trying to redirect. I mentioned some of the spells I'd created before."

"Severus, that was extremely reckless of you," Minerva chastised with a groan. She leaned back in her chair and exhaled dramatically. "Genevieve is a very smart girl with research that's been recognized by the Ministry. What if she's creating dark spells? I don't want to think about that but it's _always_ a possibility these days. She is a very stubborn girl and sticks with her ways, however she is very easily brainwashed and manipulated."

"I see no reason to worry about if she's practicing dark magic," Albus insisted. He glanced over at Severus and he nodded subtly to acknowledge it. "She has been studying healing magic for a little under a decade now. If she wanted to make dark spells, she would have already done so. She is very much like her brother and Luuk did not succumb to Tom. That's why he is dead. I think Genevieve is merely taking precautions so history does not repeat itself."

Lupin grew frustrated with what Dumbledore had relayed and rolled his eyes. To him, the other three were completely blinded by what was in front of them that they weren't looking at the subtle undertones of their entire conversation. "That girl would give up her life for any of you," he asserted. "I don't think you realize how deeply she loves people. How deeply she loves _all of you_."

"That's why she's so good at healing magic," Severus sighed as he ran his hand through his hair. "For the harder healing charms to be as effective as they are, the caster needs to love purely and unconditionally and that's what Genevieve does. She gives until she can't anymore and then she crumbles."

"Severus, why did you sigh?" Minerva asked with a raised brow as she reached her hand out for his. He didn't take it, but let her rest it on top of his. It was an odd interaction for Remus to see. "Did something happen?"

"It doesn't pertain to the current topic of conversation. I can update you in a while about that if you'd like, Minerva," he responded as he adjusted his cloak with the oddest facial expression. It wasn't something anyone saw commonly. "Does anyone have word on the location of Black?"

"Not presently," Albus responded without any hesitation. He cleared his throat. "But I do think it's wise we follow through not just for Harry, but also for Genevieve. If Sirius is after Harry it might prove fatal to others, including the students, but also Genevieve. She would throw herself between her students and any sort of danger. She's done it before with that Slytherin fight."

"You're right," Severus acknowledged. The reminder of how she had recklessly thrown herself in the middle of a school yard fight while she was pregnant had scared the living hell out of him and it elicited an increase of heart rate. "She was already intrigued by it last month when the news broke out that Black escaped. She went onto some theory that I can't remember but I don't think she's shaken that thought. I think she's bottling it up so I think it would be wise to be as cautious as possible when relaying information about Black. That goes for you too, Lupin."

Lupin didn't respond but was uncomfortable with the glare that Snape had shot in his direction. As much as he knew Lupin loved his partner, he was even more aware of his history with Black and therefore it would only be a matter of time before he assisted him. It was bound to happen.

"Excellent," Albus continued as he sat back in his chair. The other three professors seated at the table looked in his direction and were unnerved by the forced smile on his face. "If any of you have anything else to discuss or add to this situation, you're free to leave. Keep your eyes and ears open on Harry, Genevieve, and now information on Black."

Without further questions, the little meeting had disbanded. Lupin didn't hesitate to leave since he was fuming from Snape's little potshot, but McGonagall waited for Snape to grab his things so they could walk back to her office to discuss what was happening more specifically and intimately with Genevieve. Due to her euthymic state, Genevieve spent a lot of time outside of the Hogwarts castle. Most of the time it was in Amsterdam visiting Anki or visiting her favorite places in the city and for the most part Severus didn't mind.

Firstly, he adored that she was getting out for fresh air and socialization. She was very extroverted and she craved social interactions that were apart from children and her small inner circle at work. It also gave her time to keep up with her Dutch skills. Secondly, Severus needed a break from her. He loved her dearly but she was extremely obnoxious to his otherwise introverted and reserved personality. He preferred her when she was tired from outings rather than when she was cooped up all day begging to have conversations with him. And lastly, he needed to get things done for The Order. He couldn't do that with her around; she was curious by nature and she would definitely assume the worst should he explain it was simply a meeting. It gave him ample time to talk to others about her, like currently with Minerva.

"What did Genevieve say, Severus?" Minerva asked as they rounded the corner into the transfigurations wing. Severus pressed his lips together as he gathered his thoughts into a verbal response; it was a lot. When she unlocked the door to her office, he held the door open for her and closed it behind him. "Is it serious? Is she okay?"

"Everything is absolutely perfectly right now," he admitted as he pulled his cloak tightly around himself. He felt incredibly guilty in that moment as he realized the interaction he had with his partner the other day. "Gen is euthymic again. I'm doing well. We're communicating. But the circumstances of The Order and the impending war are proving new hardships. We went to Hogsmeade the other day and she asked if we could try for a baby. If it weren't for the fact Voldemort had a target on her back and if I wasn't protecting Harry it would be a really good time. But she isn't perfect at occlumency yet so I couldn't tell her all of that. Having a baby is _not_ a smart move right now and when I told her I didn't think we were ready, she broke. Minerva, she's in so much pain and she's never opened up to me about that. She told me she felt like a part of her was empty and that she had a physical ache."

Minerva paused to take in what he had said and turned to make herself a cup of tea. "My brother's wife miscarried very early in their marriage. I talked to her about it because she didn't have any sisters and my brother didn't understand. She explained to me the same thing Gen did – a physical ache. The loss of their first baby emanated through her body. She didn't tell my brother for months but having another baby, my oldest niece, didn't fix that. Severus, I know it's not my place to say but I don't think Genevieve is ready for a baby. I think she's mourning and she wants to make that ache go away. It would be terrible for her to bring a child into the world with a mentality of fixing herself. Would you like tea, dear? That partner of yours is a tea enthusiast. I swear to Merlin she's always got a cup."

"No, thank you," he responded as he sat down in the chair just in front of her desk. His eyes trailed the pictures of her nieces of nephews and ultimately her brother and his wife. They looked relatively happy. "You should have seen her face in Hogsmeade. The reason she asked was because she saw a young married couple with three children under the age of six or so. Reflecting back on it, she did that stomach caressing motion she used to do when she was pregnant. I don't think we – including Genevieve – realized how much she wanted a baby until it was taken from her."

"You were excited too. Don't knock that," she pointed out as she took a sip of her tea. She sat down at her desk and placed the cup down. "I've never seen you so happy before you were expecting a child, Severus. I wouldn't have took you as the type to want children given how awful you treat your students but I know Genevieve would never bring a child into the world if she didn't think you would be a good father. She wouldn't want her children to have a broken home like she had."

Minerva raised a brow at his physical response. Severus's cheeks darkened as she very clearly had been observant of how positive he had become once he knew he was going to have a baby. Especially given everyone's observation of how much he disliked children. She took another sip of her tea. "I hate children," he mumbled.

"A fact everyone at Hogwarts is well aware of, and perhaps the reason I pose the question: why would you want children in the first place given you've absolutely no patience or tolerance for them? I was never good at mathematics, Severus, but is doesn't add up," she admitted. "I'm merely curious of course, not insinuating."

"Gen forces me to be nice to my students," he frowned as he ran his fingers through his hair and sat back in the chair. Minerva had a smug look on her face and simply took another sip of her tea.

"The absolute bare minimum. How lovely of you to listen to her," she countered with a bit of attitude. It made Snape's chest bubble with anger and irritation and if it weren't for the level of concern they both held for Genevieve he was certain he would have lost it on her. "But that doesn't answer my question, Severus. If you don't like children, then why are you having them with her?"

"It's just different, Minerva," he responded bluntly. He had no idea why it was different, but the thought of a child that was _his_ and was a part of _her_ made his heart flutter in ways he couldn't describe to anyone. It was even more concerning to him considering he hated domestic life. "I can't explain it."

"You love Genevieve, and she wants children," she pointed out. "She also wants to get married. Is that the only reason? To make her happy?"

In part, Severus knew that was true but he would never tell Genevieve. She would drop the entire idea of having children or getting married if she thought he didn't want that. But it wasn't that he _didn't_ want it, it was that he wasn't sure if he was allowed to have it. Not after what happened with Lily.

"I'm not built for domestic things," he murmured. "I never planned my life thinking I would get married and have children, nor did I ever think the day would come that I would be _nice_ to children. I've never had a soft spot for my students before Genevieve. She doesn't know that and I would never tell her that. When things happen to students, I get angry. The other day I heard some students call Luna Lovegood "Looney Lovegood" and I practically lost it on them. Not only is she Gen's cousin, but she is a sweet girl who keeps to herself, does her work, and doesn't cause issues with other students. She thanks me at the end of every class for sharing my knowledge and treats Gen like family without any hesitation despite only recently finding out they're cousins. She calls her "Vee" which I had never heard anyone call her so I think that's just a Luna thing."

"You may not think so, Severus, but domestic life suits you oddly enough," Minerva said with a shrug. She wasn't sure where this conversation was going but she liked the positive development of his personality. She never thought he would change. "You know, when you were a student, I always thought you would be the one to make something good of your life. There was a part of me that knew you were with the wrong crowds but were conscious enough and smart enough to realize that. It wasn't who you are. As much as I loved James, Lily, Remus, Sirius, and Peter, they were all the same. Immature, cruel, and exclusive. Genevieve brings out what I saw in you when you were a boy."

"Lovely of you to think," he mumbled sarcastically. Minerva chuckled and sipped her tea. "In part, I do want to be a father but not enough that it would be a deal breaker should she decide against them. I want more than anything to give Genevieve a baby but not with Voldemort's return being so imminent. He would not hesitate to use that baby against us and I know I would lose her the exact same way I lost Lily. There is absolutely no way Genevieve would ever let anything happen to our child and that was Lily's fatal flaw. She _sacrificed_ herself for Harry. It's increasingly obvious that Voldemort wants her. He wants her talents to ensure his safety as he seeks the Elder wand. He would do _anything_ to make sure that happens and he could easily use a baby against her. She would give up her life before she let anyone touch someone she loves."

"Not to speak ill of Lily, Severus," she started hesitantly as she placed her tea down and leaned forward in her chair. "But the Potters did not stand a chance against Voldemort. Genevieve is a much more powerful witch with unique abilities. The sacrifice Lily made for Harry broke all of us, but if Genevieve is refreshing her memory and talented with basic healing charms and is working her way up to creating new protection spells, there is definitely something more powerful brewing than just Sacrificial Protection."

* * *

"Princess, I brought something home for you," Severus called out into their home as he kicked off his shoes and set down the little bag with a pumpkin pastie. He got her one every time he went to Hogsmeade for something. As he took his cloak off and hung it up, he realized the kitchen and common room were dark. His heart rate quickened straightaway, but was relieved when Genevieve peaked her head around the corner with _Lumos_ casted.

"Hi daddy," she smiled when she saw him. Genevieve snapped her fingers to turn the lights on and ran up to hug him, her legs wrapped tightly around his waist. Severus exhaled a soft chuckle and kissed the side of her head as he supported her by her thighs.

"You're in a very good mood tonight, pretty girl. Have I missed something?" he asked as he seated her on top of the counter. He turned to grab her pastie and handed it to her. Her eyes widened and she kissed him sweetly. He tasted the alcohol on her lips. "Mm, you're drunk. Explains the bubbly mood and why your cheeks are so red."

"I've got a big bottle of wine, a cheesy Muggle movie from my childhood, and some disgusting American sweets. But now I have a pumpkin pastie, so I will be tossing those," she laughed softly. Severus pushed her dark hair out of her face and kissed her forehead. Though she was drunk, this was the mood he loved seeing her in when he came home for the night.

"Have you eaten anything else today?" he asked sweetly as he backed up so she could hop off of the counter but she refused to answer him. She simply took a bite of her pumpkin pastie and raised an eyebrow. "Something of sustenance and _not_ sweets."

"This afternoon," she lied through her teeth. Severus had slowly caught on to her little tricks but he had not said anything to her outwardly. In his head, he would rather her come forward wanting help than him forcing it onto her. At a certain point he would _need_ to intervene, but he wanted to keep their trust. "I had some Dutch food when I was out."

"Don't lie to me," he said softly as he brushed some hair off of her shoulder. "It's been three days, Genevieve. I'm not blind. Eat your sweets, but you're going to eat a meal and we're going to talk about this."

"Why didn't you say anything if you knew?" she frowned as she continued eating. Severus grabbed her free hand and tugged her in the direction of their bedroom where the bed was set up as she had said: bottle of wine, cheesy Muggle movie, and American sweets. Part of him could see it was some sort of binge with the wrappers.

"Because I would rather you come to me for help than to have me force it on you," Severus sighed. He started to clean up the little mess she had made while she sat on the bed and grabbed her glass of wine. The bottle was mostly empty which meant she had been also been binge drinking. This was definitely new behavior; he had never seen her eat so many sweets before. "You know when you starve yourself, it only sets you up for a binge, right? This is a binge, Gen."

When he had cleaned all the wrappers he reached for the wine glass she was holding and snatched it from her. Her anxiety started creeping up again and she reached up for it, but Severus held the glass over his head. "Are you mad? I'm sorry if you're mad, I can–"

"Don't offer sex or a blowjob," he said a bit too sternly. "We're not doing that again. I'm concerned and that's it."

Genevieve slunk back against the bed and brought her knees to her chest, her eyes drifting shut when she felt him press the softest kiss to her forehead. He finished cleaning up and brought the wine back into the kitchen before he returned and crawled into their bed. He laid down on his back and opened his arms. "Come here, princess. I'm not mad at you."

Defeated, she turned and allowed him to pull her close. He kissed the side of her head as he turned his attention back to the Muggle movie he had on. She didn't really respond and he realized how easily he had soured her mood.

"What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?" Severus asked as he stroked her hair sweetly. "When you're not teaching, you're away from Hogwarts. You're practicing your healing charms and now you're starving yourself and were off to America getting sweets. None of this is like you."

"Nothing is wrong," she mumbled but her voice wavered and her heart skipped beats as her anxiety set in more permanently. Tears blurred her vision and Severus moved his hand to rub her back like she always melted for. "I'm scared, Severus."

"You don't need to be," he reassured sweetly. "Why do you keep disappearing? I don't see much of you lately and I miss your pretty face."

Genevieve hesitated to speak and wiped away any tears that slipped down her cheeks pathetically. She _felt_ pathetic. "We both know that when Voldemort returns, I'm going to die," she whispered. "I just wanted to live a little bit and visit places that I loved as a teenager before it goes away but it comes with negative thoughts. You haven't given me any razors back, so I slipped back into not eating and then eating everything because I wasn't eating."

Her confession made Severus's chest ache and he sighed as he held her close to his body. As good as she had gotten with her emotional regulation skills, rough patches like these made it difficult for her to think clearly. "You're not going to die. I would never let him hurt you and I have more control over keeping you safe than I did with keeping Lily safe. _You_ can also keep yourself safe. You hold so much more power than you think you do."

"All I wanted was for us to settle down but that's not going to happen, is it? It's never going to happen," she mumbled. "We can't have a baby and we're not getting married. I know you don't like domestic life, Severus. You can tell me that you don't want any of that."

"Genevieve, I want to marry you and I want us to have children," Severus asserted as he tried to ignore the conversation he had with Minerva. He pulled back from her body and tilted her chin up to look at him. His brows were furrowed and he could partially tell that this little meltdown was because she was drunk. She got very emotional while intoxicated. "But it's not going to happen for a long time, unfortunately. When it's all over we will. I promise."

"When I was little my dad used to tell me whoever proposes to me has to ask him for permission first," she laughed as she wiped her eyes. "I don't think he was serious because I'm not his property, but it made me happy to think he would protect me that way and only want what's best for me."

Because Johan was in Azkaban, there was absolutely no way he would ever be able to communicate with him about Genevieve at all. Perhaps he could find a way through the Death Eaters to pass along messages, but that still was risky. "I'm sure I'd have it. Your father has known me a long ti—"

Severus promptly shut his mouth and screwed his eyes shut. With the words of Xenophilius Lovegood ringing in her ears once again, Genevieve moved away from him and sat up on her elbows. She felt like her heart was being ripped from her chest.

"Please don't tell me he was right," she said brokenly. "Don't tell me. I don't want to know."

Getting up from the bed, Genevieve scrambled to find her wand and a pair of shoes. She felt sick as she redressed herself into warmer clothes, but Severus remained in bed confused. He did not know when or how she caught on. "Who? Genevieve, I'm not going to hurt you."

Turning and pointing her wand at him, Genevieve's hand was shaking and her vision blurred with tears. Severus simply sat up and kept his hands up. Her world was completely crashing. 

"Xenophilius told me you were a Death Eater," she cried. Her words were still slurred from the alcohol and her body swayed slightly. "He saw you socialize with them as a student and you couldn't have known my father for a long time unless you were a Death Eater too. My father wasn't in The Order."

"I made a lot of mistakes when I was younger, Gen," he pleaded as he tried to step closer. "Please take your jacket and shoes off. I'll sleep on the sofa if you'd like. Hell, I'll leave and find somewhere else to sleep if it would make you most comfortable. But you're _so_ drunk and I want you to go to sleep and try and sleep this off. You are already upsetting yourself.

"I can't escape them," she sobbed as she continued stepping back from him. "They take everything away from me. Dark magic takes _everything_ away from me. _Death Eaters_ took everything away from me. They took my dad, my brother, and now you. You know, it's so hypocritical for you to believe in that agenda. You're a fucking half-blood."

"Genevieve, what do you do when you try to block my legilimency efforts when happy memories surface?" he reached to grab his wand but that movement made her panic and she took a deep breath.

" _Expelliarmus_ ," she stated sternly and his wand was ripped from his hand. He sighed; he had only wanted to give his wand to her to show that he meant absolutely no harm to her. His chest tightened as he saw her so upset. He knew this day would come that he would have to explain his very problematic past, but his character development took time to discuss. Gen grabbed his wand.

"What do you do when you use occlumency?" Severus repeated softer. "I need you to answer me, Genevieve."

"I put myself in a mental bubble and I pretend I'm not there," she admitted as she wiped her eyes. The entire room was spinning. "I can't believe I let myself love you. I can't believe we almost had a baby. I can't believe I ever wanted to be your wife."

"Listen to me," he said sternly as she started hyperventilating. This was exactly how Lily had sounded when she found out he was a Death Eater. Minus the domestic parts of course. "I need you to take those skills and apply them to what I'm about to tell you. Can you do that? I need you to do this for me."

"Where's your dark mark? You don't have one on your arm. I haven't seen my father's arm recently so I can't speak for him but you should have a fucking dark mark. Where is it?"

"Voldemort lays dormant, so it faded. When he returns and summons me, it will come back because it's primarily a form of communication and secondly a symbol of loyalty. Please sit down and listen to me."

She shook her head and refused to lower her wand as her back hit the wall. Truthfully, this was not a conversation he wanted to have with her while she was drunk but he knew that if he didn't find a way to talk her down that she would probably hurt him. He was not kidding when he said she was a talented witch and it made his heart race in his chest. This was the first time he had ever been scared of her.

"Please don't tell me this isn't real," she sobbed. "Please don't tell me you're doing _exactly_ what my father did to Luuk. Don't tell me you faked loving me just to bring me to the Dark Lord. I don't know if I could take that, Severus."

"I love you, Gen. I didn't fake anything. When we started dating I didn't know the extent of your talented nor did I know why Voldemort wanted Luuk. Your father told me that last January when we were discussing your treatment. There would be no reason for me to want to bring you to Voldemort. I want to protect you, not put you in harm's way. Please, lower your wand," Severus pleaded as tears started running down his face. "You have mine and I am not going to hurt you. I love you more than anything in this entire, pathetic world. I'm going to tell you something and you need to put yourself in that mental bubble and protect this information. Your life depends on it."

Genevieve tried to take deep breaths and regulate her emotional response but her head was still spinning from the alcohol and she felt her body temperature steadily increase. Her heart was aching. Everything felt like one big lie. Her mother was dead, her brother was dead, her baby was dead, her father was imprisoned for the rest of his life without any form of communication, and her partner was a pureblood supremacist. She had nothing now.

Hesitantly, she lowered her wand but as promised Severus kept several feet's distance away from her. Genevieve wiped away the tears that dripped off her chin but kept her wand gripped tightly in her sweaty hands.

"I'm listening," she mumbled hesitantly as she wiped away the tears that dripped off her chin.

"In the First Wizarding War, I was a Death Eater. I made poor choices. I hated my Muggle father for what he did to my mother and by extension held a strong hatred for Muggles and Muggleborns. Lily broke off our friendship because I called her a slur. I spiraled, I made the wrong friends, and it landed me on the side of Voldemort. There was a prophecy that said a baby born at the end of July would defeat him and Lily's son was born then. He wanted to kill Harry so he could remain most powerful. I knew Lily and James were in danger and I begged Albus to hide them and in return I gave him my loyalty. Sirius Black gave up the location of the Potters, Lily used the Sacrificial Protection counter-charm, and I swore to Albus that I would be an inside agent to the Dark Lord's agenda. I was bitter that I lost Lily and I wanted more than anything to avenge her. I'm a member of The Order of the Phoenix and that's where my true allegiance lies. I don't believe in that agenda anymore. My current orders are to ensure Harry remains alive."

Part of Genevieve felt relieved but she was extremely skeptical that what he said was the truth. In that moment, all trust she had in him went out the window. "I want you to sleep on the sofa," she mumbled brokenly. "I'm not going to throw you out of our home but I don't know if I can take this for truth right now. I'll get Veritaserum in the morning but for now I'm going to bed. I'm locking the door and I'm keeping your wand. Please get out."

Severus took a deep breath and did as she told him to. He gathered some blankets for himself and made his way to their common room where he heard the door immediately click shut and lock. All Gen's brain kept doing was replaying the urge to harm herself and the repetitive little voice telling her to end it all. Everything was a lie. She had nothing. Nothing mattered anymore, anyways.

* * *

"Can you at least try to eat something?" Severus asked softly as he peered over the newspaper he was reading. He folded it to glance at Genevieve's breakfast which had maybe two bites taken out of it. Otherwise, she just pushed it around with her fork. "You've barely eaten this week and you're losing weight with all the running around the world you do."

Over the last week, Genevieve had not spoken to Severus unless she absolutely needed to. There was no malicious intent to it; the Veritaserum had shown that he was telling the truth about everything, even that he loved her, but she still felt like their trust was completely broken. She was amicable with him but was numbed when she thought about it.

Wiping tears away, Gen stood from the table and started clearing her breakfast. Her appetite was not there anymore and she knew if she wasn't careful that it would progress to a depressive episode so she kept up therapy with Katie and hoped for the best. She wanted to be okay but she knew she wasn't.

"After work, I'm going to Malfoy Manor to talk to Narcissa about Draco's behavior like we discussed. I won't be home for dinner," she whispered with her back still turned to him. Severus sighed and placed the newspaper on the table. She was rarely home for meals anymore.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier, Gen. Please. I couldn't tell you about my past and what Dumbledore had asked of me until I knew you could protect your brain and Voldemort couldn't read into it. My life and your life depend on your ability to protect that information. Please talk to me," he pleaded. She turned around to look at him and wrapped her arms around herself, tapping her fingers along her ribcage. She looked exhausted.

"I know, but it still hurts," she mumbled. She had no reason to be aggressive with him or no reason to be outright angry so she remained calm and didn't really engage much with him. "No wonder Dumbledore denies your application for the defense post. The dark arts is the same to you as razors are to me. Tempting and addictive."

"I want the defense post so I can properly help students," Severus insisted. His mind started racing regarding the razors and he tried to remember where he had put all of the sharp objects he had taken from her without avail. "Please can we not get into an argument before work?"

"We're not arguing, Severus," she said smoothly. Her voice was lowered slightly. He had never seen her be so passive in conversation before; he had expected her to be angry and to throw him out but she appeared to be reasoning with herself. Genevieve washed her dishes and wiped down the countertop before she turned back to him. "I'm going to get ready for work. I would appreciate it if you wouldn't come into the bedroom because I'm going to change."

Severus nodded and turned back to his newspaper. There was a very odd dynamic between the two of them now. While she allowed him to share the bed with her, she kept her back towards him and got up hours before he did and always slept fully clothed. She didn't allow him to see her naked anymore. He missed her warm skin and the soft touches, but more than anything he missed seeing the way the morning sun caught her hair. He missed _her_ and he knew she loved him but their relationship felt impossible now.

Genevieve emerged almost a half hour later with a professional looking sweater and trouser combo on and her hair and makeup done. She didn't really speak to him as she walked into their common room and adjusted her appearance in the full-length mirror. She put on her jewelry and fixed how her sweater was tucked in her trousers before she sat down to put her shoes on. She realized that her partner was staring.

"Don't look at me like that," she said sternly as she pushed her hair over her shoulder to slide her heels on. "You're not getting sex."

"I don't want sex. You look beautiful," he complimented. She didn't react to his compliment and she simply grabbed her jacket, her bag of papers and course work, and her wand as she left their quarters. When the door shut, Severus stood to finally get himself ready for work. He had ample time; Genevieve left early for work and it left an entire hour of alone time for Severus. It was odd having her so quiet.

Severus sorted through his closet for something to wear that day but his attention was caught by a bag he had never seen before sitting just behind Gen's shoes. Though he knew he shouldn't, he was curious as to what it was and unzipped it. There were ample razors and rolls of gauze. His heart stopped in his chest and he started looking around the room to see if she had any more stashes that he wasn't aware of, but the only thing he found was bloodied cloths in the bottom of the trash. It wasn't like her to hide relapses from him anymore and so this was extremely alarming. As upset as she was with him, he knew he needed to confront her about this but he feared that it would be the last straw for her to leave him.

Perhaps, in that moment, Severus stopped caring about whether or not she left him anymore. He loved her, and regardless if she loved him, he would keep her safe. He would always try to keep her safe. He wouldn't lose her like he lost Lily.

* * *

Genevieve had never been to Malfoy Manor. Severus had described it many, many times because she was so intrigued by the concept of someone in the Wizarding World being filthy rich but his descriptions of the otherwise dark home were underestimates and completely pale in comparison. As soon as she stepped onto the property she felt completely poor despite having a comfortable upbringing. She knocked on the door without any hesitation and it didn't take more than a minute for a blonde woman to open the door. She was quite tall – two inches or so taller than Genevieve – and thin with piercing blue eyes; she definitely fit into the picture of the Malfoy family though she had to have married in.

"I heard from Lucius that Severus had a partner, but I had no idea you would be so beautiful... and young," Narcissa said with furrowed brows as she stepped aside to let her into her home. Genevieve looked around for a second, completely unsure of what she should do and how she should behave. "Seems only fitting. I'm sure you're quite lovely if Severus loves you. He's a very picky man. Would you like tea, darling?"

"I know he is," Genevieve sighed with a smile. The topic of her partner still made her heart heavy but the use of _darling_ made her heart flutter alarmingly. "I would love some. Thank you."

Narcissa led Genevieve into a ginormous common room with large windows, dark furniture, and a fireplace that was already burning firewood. It felt extremely homey and for the first time in a while she felt safe. She took a deep breath as she sat down on the sofa. "Your home is beautiful," Genevieve said as she looked up the high ceilings at the various pieces of art.

"Thank you," Narcissa responded sweetly as she sat beside her. She had poured Genevieve a cup of tea and handed it over to her. Genevieve offered a half smile as her thanks and took a sip. "Not that I'm complaining about your visit, but what has Draco done to warrant one? He's an excellent student so I highly doubt it would be for his grades."

"You're right, Draco is a phenomenal student. He's intelligent and everything comes extremely intuitively for him," Gen continued as she tapped her fingernails along the porcelain cup. "But he's causing trouble amongst all students. He's rude and obnoxious and no matter how many times a professor – or even Severus as Head of Slytherin House – has spoken to him, he continues with his behavior. I've heard many, many good things about you and your husband from Severus and I highly doubt you would have condoned such behavior. I wanted to make sure everything was okay at home and offer support if needed."

Narcissa pressed her lips together. Sure, she was a very bigoted and biased woman, but she would have never condoned violence. She was much more passive with her believes while Lucius and Draco were forthright and disrespectful. She took a deep breath. "You're right, I don't condone that behavior. Draco acts out when his father isn't around. Lucius is away on business currently and it makes him vulnerable. He projects."

"He's like this regardless if Lucius is present," Gen insisted with her brows furrowed. Narcissa seemed slightly distracted as her piercing eyes took in the soft features of the woman beside her. She was dressed in Muggle clothes.

"You're a pureblood," Narcissa responded without any further engagement in the conversation. Genevieve raised a brow at how she had come to that confusion but nodded her confirmation. "But you have an attachment to the Muggle world. Why?"

"That's where I was raised," she responded as she took another sip of her tea. Narcissa liked the way she said things as it was and didn't sugarcoat them. As much as she loved Lucius, he was extremely condescending but Genevieve spoke to her like an equal. It was a nice change. "I recommend talking to Draco. I know you and your husband make ample donations to the school but his behavior in unacceptable."

Genevieve's line of sight dropped from the older witch's blue eyes and traced along her feminine features. Her long blonde hair was halfway pulled back but the rest of it laid down her back. She would have been a fool to deny how pretty she was. She had disclosed that to Severus many times but being so close to her only confirmed it. Narcissa was flawless.

"I can talk to him," Narcissa dismissed as she took in the sight of the brunette. The two were silent for a moment as the blonde witch's eyes trailed down her neck to the necklace that was around her neck with Luuk's ring dangling from it. "That's a beautiful ring. May I?"

Narcissa's voice was sweet and smooth like honey with perfect enunciation. She leaned forward without any sort of permission and her cold fingertips brushed along Genevieve's exposed collarbone. She had worn a squared neckline dress that revealed some of her cleavage which meant most of her skin was bare except for her sleeves. Her breath hitched in her chest as Narcissa started touching the ring. To keep her heart from fluttering, Genevieve tried to focus on the burgundy manicure that Narcissa had but the feeling of her hand was distracting.

"Your hair is caught on the chain," she said after she inspected the ring and helped push her hair out of her face. Her finger brushed along Genevieve's pulse and she raised an eyebrow at the sensation. "Darling, your heart is racing. Are you alright?"

Genevieve's cheeks turned red. Narcissa's perfume smelled like herbal tea and cinnamon and it was incredibly distracting as she sat up straight. It appeared that Narcissa knew exactly what she was doing and Genevieve tried her hardest to blink back the foggy feeling in her brain and the fluttering of her stomach. She was too pretty but she kept reminding herself that though she was upset with Severus, she still loved him and would never do anything to hurt him. That included giving into her intrusive thoughts telling her to kiss Narcissa.

"I'm perfectly fine," she responded with a smile. Narcissa smiled back and tucked some of her blonde hair behind her ear. "The ring was my brother's. He passed away almost fourteen years ago – I was a little girl."

"I'm sorry to hear that," the blonde responded with a half-hearted smile. "It really is a beautiful ring. It's a simple, gold band but nevertheless it is well-made."

Taking another sip of her tea to distract herself, Genevieve nodded. Her eyes shifted to the clock on the wall and she realized just how late it had gotten. She put her cup of tea down and took a deep breath as she met the witch's eyes once again. "I've best get going. I have some papers to grade and Severus is expecting me back home. It was lovely to meet you, Narcissa. I really do hope you talk to your son."

"I will," she affirmed as she stood from the sofa. Genevieve followed her towards the front of the manor and the entire time was distracted by the smell of cinnamon. It was intoxicating. "You should come over for dinner with Severus. I'm sure Lucius would love to see the both of you once he returns from his business trip. I quite like you; Severus made a good choice. Better than that Muggleborn he pined after."

Genevieve pressed her lips together at the blood purity slander; she had forgotten that Narcissa and Lucius were the people Draco had learned all of his bigoted opinions, but it appeared she was much more passive with them. "We would love to. Thank you for the tea, Narcissa. We'll talk soon."

Narcissa nodded and touched Genevieve's arm as a final goodbye before she shut the door. Genevieve turned around on her heels and grabbed her wand from her pocket as she walked away from the Malfoy property, her heart racing in her chest as she prepared to apparate back to Hogwarts. Guilt sat uncomfortably in her chest as she landed and it triggered nausea when she got back to her quarters. Severus was seated on the sofa.

"Hi, princess. How did it go talking to Narcissa?" he asked as he placed his book down. She attempted to catch her breath but nodded. There was no way she could tell him what just happened. Being attracted to someone was not the same as wanting to have sex or wanting to be with them. At least, that's how she tried to reason with herself. It was confusing.

"She's going to speak to him. I think I'm going to go to sleep early tonight. I'm not feeling that well," she lied as she rushed to the bathroom. Her guilt and nausea had made her vomit again and she was physically sick at the thought of ever hurting Severus.

As she wiped her mouth and grabbed her things to brush her teeth, she saw the Amortentia bottle that she had kept there that one day she had asked Severus to smell it. Without thinking about it, she opened it and smelled it again: sandalwood, black coffee, old parchment, and now herbal tea and cinnamon.

"Fuck," she whispered as she dumped the potion down the drain and threw the flask at the wall. She ran her fingers through her hair as she sat down on the floor to process it. She felt like a whore.


	36. PART THIRTY-SIX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: flashback to rape, brief description of self-harm scars, panic attack, abandonment issues, allusion to childhood abuse, allusion to suicidal behaviors

_The way Genevieve's body immediately gasped for air as Gilderoy finally let go of her throat and the nausea that occurred subsequent to the pulsing feeling of his cock as he finished inside her were the worst parts to her about being raped. Despite all the other physical corollaries like the aching in her hips, the searing pain of her cervix, or the bruises mottling along her throat, the grievous burning that radiated through her lungs and the feeling of being defiled topped all of it. Ardent emotional distress washed over her knowing that she had let him come inside her though rationally she knew she hadn't let him, per se._

_Visually, the dull white paint and the cracks along the ceiling were the only thing that Genevieve remembered besides the ominous dark shadows of Gilderoy's heavy body on top of her. The moment he finally left, she was filled with a perpetual numbness that emanated to her surroundings and she realized upon tracing the cracks the ragged cracks in the ceiling that she wanted to fill them and do another coat of paint to cover the fading imperfections. When she finally stood from the sofa, she made the mental note to buy paint._

Jolting awake from her rather vivid nightmare, Genevieve realized she was covered in cold sweat and her heart was hammering in her chest so loud she thought perhaps it was audible to Severus even in his deep, undisturbed slumber. Despite her request for space, they still slept in the same bed but their arrangement had been modified. He slept with his back to her and there was absolutely no affection unless explicitly asked by her. However, in that moment with her mind freshly reopening wounds of her rape, the thought of having space and of being alone was suffocating. Without properly thinking about her actions, Genevieve turned over to face her partner and pressed her sweaty forehead into his bare back. Her arms wrapped tightly around him and the tears that blurred her vision blinked off her eyelashes and onto his warm skin.

"Severus," she whimpered feebly against his back. As she tried to regulate her increasing anxiety levels by evening out her breathing, she clung onto him harder until she was certain she was applying painful pressure to his ribcage. Despite not wearing cologne at that moment, the way Severus smelled was still substantially soothing. "Severus, please wake up."

Eyes fluttering open at the sharp pain around his middle and the timid cries of his name on his partner's lips, Severus realized her arms were wrapped tightly around him and her breathing was labored. He exhaled tiredly and turned his body over to face her. It was then that he noticed the sweat glistening on her soft skin and soaked her hair and clothes. Instinctively he pushed her hair out of her face.

"You haven't had a nightmare in a while," he mumbled as he sat up on his elbows. Part of him was dumbfounded that she had woken him up; she did, after all, request space while she processed his confession and she was a rather private woman. If she did not want someone to know something about her then they did not know. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"His hands were so cold," she whispered as she looked up at him. Severus wiped her tears away tenderly with his thumbs while he listened to her. Truthfully, he was so exhausted and his eyelids were heavy. He repeatedly blinked the sleep out of his eyes to try and remain awake for her but it was merely 4am. "My chest burned and I felt so filthy when he was done. I need to take a shower, Severus. I feel so dirty."

It was no secret that Severus was short and irritable when he was tired and it was something he had tried to rein in given that their current predicament was not the first nor last time it would happen, but sometimes he was purely insensitive.

"Right now?" His tone was pressured and harsh which of course was not his intention but because Genevieve was already so sensitive in that mental state, her eyes drifted shut and she moved away from him. As she squirmed to her side of the bed and turned her back to him, he realized how inconsiderate and dismissive he sounded and sighed. "I'm sorry, Gen. I didn't mean it, I'm just tired."

Wiping away her tears, Genevieve never turned back to face him and Severus tried to comfort her by rubbing her back but she shrugged him off. "I'm exhausted, Severus," she mumbled. Her voice cracked and she decided to get some things for the shower she desperately wanted to take.

"I know you are, I'm sorry. Please come back to bed," he sighed as he laid down on his back. He ran his hand over his face and tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes as she started gathering new pajamas and a towel.

"My brain doesn't shut off anymore," she responded brokenly as she turned back to him. Her voice was hushed as if she were on the verge of her breaking point which was immensely concerning to Severus. "If I'm not thinking about what you told me two weeks ago regarding The Order, then I'm reliving my rape, or the loss of our baby, or my father's stupid and impulsive actions that landed him in Azkaban and not in my life anymore. I'm sorry for wanting comfort. Go back to fucking sleep, Severus. I can take care of myself."

Taking the items she had grabbed, Genevieve did as she had told her partner she would do and locked herself in the washroom. Not only did she feel sticky and gross from the sweat slicked along her body, but she felt contaminated and unless she scrubbed it away, she was paranoid that somehow she would make others sick from her filth. With every flashback or nightmare came this suffocating feeling and she hated it but she could not help herself. She needed to shower.

Knowing it would be wise to follow her, Severus had gotten out of bed and stumbled slightly due to his exhaustion but nevertheless knocked on the door. He leaned his forehead against the wood and his eyes drifted shut. "Princess, I'm sorry. I know you're going through a lot and it was incredibly insensitive of me."

Having already stripped herself of her soiled pajamas and turned the knob of the shower on to warm, Genevieve ignored the sound of her partner's pleas while she stared at her body through the mirror. Her fingers traced the length of her old scars and brushed against the newest cuts, though many were in different stages of healing. She picked at the scabs without thinking and seethed from the pain.

"Please, Gen. I don't want you doing something impulsive. I love you," he pleaded as he jiggled the doorknob and tapped his palm against the wooden door. "Please."

"I'll be back to bed in a little bit. Please go away," she mumbled brokenly. Her voice was caught in her throat because of the tears she was holding back and it only made Severus more anxious. He appreciated that she was communicating with him clearly but that did not stop him from worrying irrationally.

As he continued to tap his palm against the door, Genevieve poked at her body and pulled at some of the loose skin she had accumulated from the dramatic fluctuation in her weight over the last year. Flashbacks of her reaction to herself in the mirror moments after being raped with bruises on her body came to the forefront of her mind and she tugged at her hair to try and get it to go away.

"You haven't asked anything of me these last two weeks. You asked for space to sort through what I told you about The Order and I have been more than respectful of your wishes because I love you and I wanted you to talk to me when _you_ were ready. I patiently waited for you to come back to me and even though you didn't open up to me about it I promised you I would be here when you needed me again and I wasn't just now. I'm sorry. I love you more than anything, Genevieve. Please open the door so we can talk," Severus continued. His voice was frantic now and he was blinking back tears.

When the shower was ready, Genevieve stepped under the scorching hot water and solely stood there as the burning water washed down her face and body. She didn't respond to Severus's pleas and instead grabbed her soap and a washcloth to scrub her skin clean of the tainted feeling she felt upon remembering Gilderoy's cold hands on her body. With her back pressed against the cold tile wall, Genevieve slid down until she was sitting on the floor of the shower with the water blinding her. Being completely in her head, she had not realized that Severus was still speaking to her – or, rather, he was crying.

"Genevieve," he cried again as he once again tried to doorknob. "Please, princess. I've been so worried about you and it pained me to see you struggle so much and for you to beg me for space while you processed what I said. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I snapped. I'm sorry that I couldn't protect you from Gilderoy. I'm sorry that we lost our baby. I'm sorry that your father is in Azkaban again. I'm sorry that you're struggling with bipolar disorder. I'm sorry that your mother's dead. I'm sorry that you've experienced every single fucking pain that anyone could experience in the first twenty-four years of your life. It isn't fair. Life isn't fair, but you shouldn't have experienced any of that. Please let me in. Please let me fix it. I love you."

Now listening to her fully sobbing in the shower, Severus's heart rate picked up in pace and he attempted to unlock the door several times. He ended up rummaging through their bedroom for his wand and returned only to use _Alohomora_. The door practically slammed open. When he was finally able to enter the room, he found her on the floor of the shower with her knees pressed to her chest as she scrubbed at her skin until it was raw. It broke his heart to see her like this, to know that she was reliving the same emotions she felt that night and the following night, and knowing there was practically nothing he could do to heal her. This was not something healing magic or potions could fix.

Severus grabbed the washcloth from her and tossed it to the side of the shower before he sat down with her and cradled her head against his chest. Her sobbing grew in volume and she tried to fight his affections because of her projected anger, but after a few seconds she succumbed to his embrace and clung onto him tightly. The only thing Severus thought to do was to rock her back and forth soothingly and rub her back.

"I'm sorry I couldn't protect you," he cried as he wiped some of his tears away. The scorching water was still beating down upon the both of them and he tried to keep his wet hair out of his face. "I'm sorry that I failed you. I'm your partner. I was supposed to protect you. I was supposed to protect our baby. I was supposed to protect my family and I didn't. I'm sorry that you keep having nightmares. I'm sorry that you hate your body. I'm sorry that you second guess yourself with your work. I'm sorry your relationships are all strained. I'm sorry that you're angry. I'm sorry that you're riddled with guilt. I'm sorry that you hate yourself. I'm sorry I can't change that. I want to change this more than anything, Genevieve. I want for you to be okay. Let me help you try to be okay."

It took a very long time for Genevieve to calm down, much longer than Severus would have liked to hear, but eventually she was reduced to hiccuping as a consequence to her hyperventilation. Her anxiety levels were still quite high which resulted in intense clinginess as her racing thoughts started to quiet down. Once she was calm enough to let go of him, Severus reached up to turn the water off before he pushed her soaked hair out of her eyes. She was right earlier when she said she was exhausted; she had dark circles and her eyes were bloodshot.

"I can't be here anymore," she croaked as she looked up at him. She reached up to cup his face in her hands and wiped some of the water off of his face. "I can't live in these quarters anymore. I'm constantly reminded of him and what he did to me. Every time I look at that sofa, or look in the mirror of this washroom, or stare at the bookshelf on the wall, I relive it. I feel the pain in my body and I've been trying to get over it so I don't disrupt our life here but I can't be here anymore. I can't breathe when I come home. Please. Please, Severus. I can't be here."

"Okay, okay," Severus soothed as he smoothed down her hair and kissed her forehead. Hearing her plea so brokenly shattered his heart. "I'll look into buying a place in Hogsmeade but I really can't go much farther, Gen. As Head of Slytherin House I'm required to be immediately reachable and Hogsmeade is the farthest they've ever let a Head of House move. I think Minerva was the last to do it but now she lives in the castle."

Genevieve nodded her head over and over in acknowledgement of what he was saying and Severus pulled her tightly against his chest once again. When her breathing had completely evened out, he stood up to grab the towel and pajamas she had taken with her and wrapped the towel tightly around her. As he did, he realized the extent of the wounds on her thighs over the last two weeks; she had not allowed him to see her body as an extension of her request for space so he had not seen them. The most recent didn't appear to be within the week which gave him some hope. At least she was trying.

Severus warmed her up by rubbing her arms and kissed the side of her head. He wanted more than anything to keep her safe now. He could not keep her safe from Levina or Gilderoy, but he knew he could keep her safe from Voldemort. He was certain of that; he had plans.

* * *

It was not like Narcissa to be so lost in thought. She was usually so level-headed and calculated due to her love for her son and her desperate need to protect him. Much like Lucius and Severus, she was well aware of the impending war and she feared for her son's safety despite no direct threat being imminent. However, as her eyes trailed the soft and feminine features of Genevieve de Keyser, her level-headedness completely disappeared. She could not think clearly. Her brain was so fogged with thoughts of what her body felt like against hers, the feeling of her fingers threaded in her dark hair, and the way her mouth tasted that she had not been paying attention to the conversation at hand.

Per her invitation, the Malfoys had hosted Severus and Genevieve for dinner. Genevieve had been hesitant to confirm the plans despite her willingness to attend when Narcissa had first suggested it to her, but she accepted the formal offer and convinced Severus to go with her. It terrified her that her Amortentia smelled like the older witch and she couldn't trust herself to be near her without getting distracted by the smell of herbal tea and cinnamon. Therefore, she spent most of her evening beside her partner including during dinner where she sat next to him and directly across from Narcissa and Lucius.

Most of the evening had been light chatting. Lucius talked about some of his work as a philanthropist for the Ministry of Magic, though Genevieve noticed how vague he was in the explanation of his role. Severus didn't talk much about his teaching post due to his familiarity with the Malfoys but commented here and there on things Lucius disclosed. Genevieve seemed to be the only one invested in the conversation but perhaps that was to avoid locking eyes with the blonde seated directly across from her. Knowing vaguely of the impending war, it was very easy for Genevieve to pick apart the subtleties in their conversations alluding to Death Eater business. She otherwise remained quiet.

After what seemed like an eternity of hearing her husband's muffled voice, Narcissa turned her head to look at Lucius. "Perhaps we can talk about something else, Lucius," she suggested as she met his eyes.

Lucius narrowed his eyes slightly and the two seemed to have a mutual sense of unspoken communication that spoke volumes to their marriage. She couldn't understand why Narcissa was so flirtatious with her given how happy they looked. Severus looked at her the same way. It was intoxicating. As the two exchanged a very hushed dialogue, Genevieve distracted her anxious mind by trailing her fingers up her partner's thigh. Severus didn't quite notice at first until she was palming his cock through his trousers. His breath caught in his throat and he grabbed her wrist.

"Tell me about what you teach, Genevieve," Narcissa insisted as she tucked some of her blonde hair behind her ears. She wasn't particularly interested, but she wanted to hear her talk. She liked how feminine her voice sounded.

Genevieve let her wrist go limp so that Severus would let go of her, and she appeared to converse with Narcissa very easily without giving any second thought or even the slightest indication of what she was doing to him underneath the table. The moment her wrist slipped from his grasp, she went right back to what she was doing and Severus was so fogged he didn't really push her away again.

Visiting the Malfoys was Severus's least favorite thing to do because his anxious thoughts were typically at maximum volume. It was difficult to concentrate being near Lucius, who he knew to be one of the Dark Lord's most faithful followers, and knowing he sought information about Genevieve and her talents. However, he could not say no to his partner for he knew that she wanted friends and Narcissa appeared to be a good friend to her.

To pass the time, which truthfully felt like an eternity, Severus had given in to the way she touched him underneath the table and the rest of the commotion in the room completely melted into warped sounds and blurred lights. He only stopped her when she went to unzip his trousers. Genevieve's heart stopped in her chest when he grabbed her wrist and she looked up at him only to be met with a stern glare. He realized in that moment she had been speaking to him.

"I'm sorry, my love. Lost in thought," he managed as he cleared his throat. Narcissa raised a brow at the interaction but Lucius was still so hyperfixated on the topic of Genevieve's healing magic talents that he didn't pay much attention to what was going on around him. Perhaps that was his greatest weakness. "What were you saying?"

Genevieve started stroking him again and she watched him physically bite down on his tongue to keep himself from moaning. She enjoyed know that she had that much power over him; by unbuttoning her blouse, pulling her hair up, and even touching him under the table seemed to have him at her feet and she loved it. She once again repeated herself, but still haven't not heard it, Severus blinked.

"I think I'm ready to call it a night," Severus said as he sat back in his chair. Lucius raised a brow at the sudden declaration and pressed his lips together. Though his auditory skills were slacking due to the overwhelming thought of Genevieve's face shoved into their mattress, his vision was still okay. He realized Lucius had something to say and he prayed to Merlin that didn't require him to get up provided the erection he was hiding underneath the table.

"No, stay," Narcissa insisted as she reached across the table to lay both of her hands on the hands of her guest – one on Severus, the other on Genevieve – and that caused both of them to tense but for very different reasons. Severus simply hated physical contact. Genevieve hated that her heart fluttered and breath caught in her throat which forced her to stop touching her partner out of discomfort. Part of Severus was grateful she stopped but the other part wanted her to continue so he had a reason to rail the absolute fuck out of her when they got home. This was completely bratty of her. "Perhaps we can have tea and talk some more?"

"That's a brilliant idea," Lucius responded with a brow raised and slight grin. He turned his attention back to Severus who was starting to finally regain his composure. "I'd like to talk to you in my office, Severus. There are some things I'd like to disclose."

"So it's settled then. Genevieve and I will have tea in the common room while you two talk," Narcissa beamed. Both Lucius and Severus raised a brow at how excited she appeared to be despite the fact she and Genevieve have had tea with one another many times before. Genevieve agreed to the request and stood from the table to try and clean up the dinner she had merely pushed around for the eating illusion she had become so good at.

"You don't need to worry about your plate," Lucius pointed out as Narcissa stood to smooth out her dress. Genevieve was distracted by the necklace resting along her collarbone. "Narcissa, darling, I'll send some tea into the common room on my way to my office. Severus, come with me."

The best Severus could do regarding hiding his erection was to wrap his cloak around him to mask it. He provided the excuse that he was a bit cold which was not questioned as he left the dinner table and walked with Lucius towards his office. The manor was absolutely ginormous and it took a few minutes for them to disappear into the corridors of the north wing. As they did so, Genevieve stood and followed Narcissa into one of their common rooms where they always had tea – and _only_ tea – despite Narcissa's somewhat wanted advances. As stated, Lucius had already sent the tray.

"Your husband is very lovely," Genevieve said forcibly. Narcissa raised an eyebrow at her comment as she sat down and grabbed two of the teacups. She poured the hot water from the kettle into each and reached for the chamomile teabag for Genevieve before mixing two sugars into it and handing it off. Genevieve's heart fluttered at the fact she knew how she took her tea and she tried to steady herself as she sat down on the sofa. "Thank you."

Both Narcissa and Genevieve knew that she was lying about the compliment. As much as she loved her husband, she knew he was not lovely. Perhaps he was when they were younger – before Draco – but even then he was not always the sweetest man. Even so, it was good enough reasoning for her to have this lured attraction towards Genevieve given how soft yet assertive she was at the same time. It balanced her out in ways Lucius couldn't.

"Lucius is a bit rude now," Narcissa admitted as she sat beside her. She had prepared herself some herbal tea which was not surprising in the slightest and Genevieve focused on the way her nimble fingers mixed her cream and sugar. The way she handled things was so lithe and careful. "He wasn't always that way, though."

When Narcissa had fixed her cup of tea, she turned her body to face the younger witch. Her cold hand rested on Genevieve's exposed knee; she had attempted to wear something less unique to the Muggle world but of course, given that's where she grew up and was otherwise emerged, it ended up just being a cloak over a knee length dress. In that moment, Genevieve reevaluated her choice to not wear trousers instead but she mentally kicked herself when she consciously realized she wanted Narcissa's hands on her. That thought scared her.

"You look very pretty tonight," Narcissa said to break their strange level of silence. Her index finger traced little circles along Genevieve's knee and she avoided her gaze completely. It was something that she hadn't really seen from Narcissa before. She was usually so forward with their conversations and enjoyed talking to her even when she made advances. There was definitely something off. "I like seeing you with your hair pinned back."

The compliment made Genevieve's heart flutter and the feeling of her nail lightly scratching along her skin felt like electricity. However, despite the way it made her feel, she starting processing what was happening and curiosity consumed her. "Narcissa, what are you doing?"

"I'm having some fun," she responded sweetly as her hand trailed lightly up her thigh. Genevieve instinctively grabbed her wrist and raised an eyebrow at the interaction but she found herself wanting to let her continue. It was, however, interrupted with thoughts of how Severus had responded to her earlier in the evening. She wanted _that_ when she got home. She knew after the stunt she pulled that she would not be able to walk when he was done with her. "Would you like to have some fun? It can be our little secret."

"Cissa, I can't like you like this. You are married and Severus will inevitably be my husband. I'm not a cheater," Genevieve insisted. Narcissa pulled her hand back and furrowed her brows slightly at her comment. It was almost amusing to her how insistent she was despite the way she responded to her.

"Can't like and don't like are two very different concepts, Gen," Narcissa pointed out without any hesitation. Instead of making any more advances of similar nature, she simply reached out for her hand which was much more innocent and Genevieve accepted. She still liked how cold her hands were but was surprised when she started pressing her fingers into her pulse. "Your heart is racing. Tell me why."

"Tell me why you're so adamant about pursuing me first." Genevieve leaned forward to look into her blue eyes. She was tired of being so passive in this conversation when she was overall a very dominant person and tucked some of her blonde hair behind her ear. Her eyes inevitably fell to the curve of her bottom lip. "Lucius loves you very, very much. Severus is constantly discussing how happy you two are."

Heart stopping in her chest at the subtle gesture, Narcissa blinked back the foggy feeling in her head and tried to regulate her breathing. She had a gut feeling she had not meant the hair tucking in the same way she was thinking but she was incredibly persistent with what she wanted. Without thinking Narcissa cupped Genevieve's face in her hands and used her thumb to trace down her soft skin and over her cheekbones. Genevieve couldn't bring herself to say no.

"We are happy," the older witch clarified without any hesitation. Her thumb stroked across Genevieve's bottom lip slowly and dragged down until she had her chin between her forefinger and thumb. "I can be your vice, Genevieve. I don't think you realize the only thing holding you back here are your morals. There is no special treatment in this world for those who conform. You're still irrefutably human like the rest of us."

"I love Severus," she asserted sternly. She finally mustered the courage to grab Narcissa's hands and hold them down in her lap. Genevieve could feel how hot her cheeks had grown at the contact and swore her heart was pounding so loud Narcissa could have heard it. "I don't want to jeopardize my relationship with him, so this can't happen."

Part of Genevieve really enjoyed the attention and the fact that a married woman was pining after her. Narcissa smiled softly at her sentiment; there was a time she would have said the same about Lucius but she wasn't so sure about that anymore. "You never answered my question. Your heart is racing. Tell me why."

"My Amortentia smells like you too," Genevieve mumbled without thinking about the consequences of this upcoming conversation. Narcissa raised a brow at the blunt comment though she wasn't necessarily surprised; Severus had said many times before that she had trouble holding her tongue and filtering her thoughts. "It smells like Severus and it's smelled like him since I was sixteen. However, the first time we met, I... I don't know, I had some sort of reaction and I smelled it again when I got home. It now smells like you too."

"It appears I'm not wrong then," Narcissa responded slyly. She leaned forward again and Genevieve could feel her hot breath against her face. The brunette's heart rate skyrocketed and her cheeks darkened if possible. The older witch's eyes were drawn to the freckle on Genevieve's top lip and she leaned in closer. "Kiss me. Just once and if you don't want more or like it then I will stop. Your emotions are clearly expressed in your Amortentia despite what you are telling yourself. I want to feel how soft they are."

"No, I'm not going to kiss you," Genevieve sighed as she furrowed her brows. The tension was unbearable to the both of them but for totally different reasons. "Narcissa, my Amortentia has never smelled like one of my partners before. None of them have. It has not changed for the last eight years of my life and I don't know what the addition of you means but I'm not willing to explore it."

"Then why aren't you pulling away? Why do you keep coming back?" Narcissa pointed out. Her hands reached up to sweetly caress her face and her thumbs stroked her soft skin in a way she had never felt before. Severus's gentle touch didn't compare. "Amortentia smells like what attracts you in that moment. At this moment in time, you're attracted to me _and_ Severus."

"That isn't possible," Genevieve retorted as she pulled back again. She was started to get anxious now and her mind would not stop racing and replaying the horrors that she had experienced during her last two schooling years at Hogwarts. The relentless bullying for her mistake of infidelity cost her everything and now she was finally happy. She didn't know what she was doing anymore. "Does yours smell like Lucius?"

"As much as I love my husband, my Amortentia has never smelled like him or anything related to him." Narcissa could tell with how her demeanor changed that she had sorted through her moral dilemma and decided against the feelings she fought so hard to suppress. "My Amortentia smells like jasmine, chamomile, and almond pastries."

Genevieve's heart stopped in her chest and she stood up from the sofa quickly, placing her cup of tea down as she did so. She hugged herself tightly by wrapping her cloak around herself and Narcissa furrowed her brows at that response. She did not know why she had reacted this way but Genevieve was completely certain what this meant.

"Narcissa, have you ever had banketstaaf before?" Genevieve mumbled as she blinked back tears. She wasn't exactly sure why she was crying but she tried her absolute hardest to regulate these emotions. Narcissa stood alongside her and reached out the rub her arms sweetly; she could tell how cold she was.

"I don't know what that is," she admitted. There were absolutely no trails that would point to where this conversation was headed; she was completely clueless. "Why does it matter?"

"Banketstaaf is a Dutch sweet that I make for Severus all the time," she responded with a sharp inhale. Narcissa's brows furrowed and she tilted her head slightly but her face fell at Genevieve's continuation. "They're almond pastries."

The simple statement struck absolute fear in Narcissa's heart and she stumbled a few steps backward. Genevieve tried to reach out for her but she ended up needing to sit on the sofa. In that moment, with that information, Narcissa came to the conclusion that what she smelled – what _attracted_ her – was not her husband but the partner of a close family friend. She was riddled with guilt that what she would have hoped to be a rather emotionless endeavor was deep seated in subconscious attraction. Amortentia did, in fact, allude to the concept of soulmates though it was odd to Genevieve that she smelled these things without really knowing what banketstaaf was.

Concerned from the reaction, Genevieve kneeled down in front of Narcissa on the floor and sat back on her heels. Her fingers trailed over her wrists before she took her hands in hers; she gave them tight squeezes as a form of reassurance and comfort while the older witch processed the information that just clicked in her head. Tears were welling in her eyes and a few fell down her cheeks. "I'm sorry," Narcissa whispered as she reached a hand out to caress the cheek of the younger woman.

"You don't have anything to apologize for," Genevieve insisted as tucked some of her blonde hair behind her ear. Narcissa leaned into the touch and tried her hardest to hold back the tears but her vision was so blurred that she couldn't help it. They kept rolling off her eyelashes and taking her mascara with it. "I'm sorry if I upset you at all."

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable," Narcissa said as she reached for a tissue to wipe her eyes. She blotted the mascara off her cheeks and Genevieve took the tissue to tenderly wipe away the rest of her tears. Genevieve simply shook her head as reassurance. She hadn't made her uncomfortable, per se. Perhaps reevaluate her choices and feelings but not uncomfortable.

"You didn't, it's okay," she repeated as she reached up to smooth her blonde hair down. She tried to offer a smile but Narcissa closed her eyes and bowed her head slightly. Shame filled her chest; she didn't like to show her emotions nor did she find it to be particularly strong of her to express her uncertainties around her actions. "Can you look at me for a second?"

Blue eyes meeting dark eyes, Narcissa peered up at Genevieve and sighed as she cupped her face in her hands. She didn't really understand why Genevieve was comforting her after what had been happening over the last few times they had seen one another, but she was grateful for some sort of consolation. "You'll be okay," Genevieve soothed. "I promise."

Not really understanding what she was doing, Narcissa pulled Genevieve in close and kissed her sweetly. Genevieve's heart fluttered at the soft feeling of her lips; though she was still thinking about Severus and the way his kisses were just as soft, Narcissa's lips were silklike with her matte red lipstick and it was an experience she missed from dating women.

As much as she liked how she tasted like citrus, Genevieve did not return the kiss and her hands fell from caressing her face. She didn't care how pretty she thought Narcissa was, she was in love with Severus and he was the only person she would ever think about in the way she was now certain Narcissa was thinking of her. Narcissa's stomach was doing flips at the feeling and she finished by pressing kisses down her neck. To Genevieve's dismay, a quiet moan slipped from the back of her throat and that ultimately was what brought her back to her reality.

"Narcissa, this can't happen. I'm sorry," she said as she pulled back again. Genevieve reached for one of the napkins that had been placed on the tea tray and tried to wipe away the red lipstick that had transferred on her lips and neck. However, red lipstick stained and that elicited a new fear. She remembered the argument where Sarah confronted her about cheating and that caused her to stand up and use water to wipe the makeup off. The color started fading but now her skin was raw from scrubbing. She scrambled for her wand to fix it just as the door was opening and Severus and Lucius emerged again.

"Are you ready to go, my love?" Severus asked sweetly as he reached his hand out for his partner. He carefully eyed the two women, taking note of the tears on Narcissa's face and her smeared lipstick though he attributed that to transfer from her teacup. Genevieve nodded and grabbed her partner's hand.

"Yes," she responded with a sweet smile. She offered an empathetic glance towards Narcissa and pressed her lips in acknowledgement of the interaction that had gone down between the two of them before she turned her attention to Lucius. "Thank you for hosting us, Lucius."

"It's always a pleasure," Lucius responded with a slight smile. Narcissa stood from her spot on the sofa and wiped her lipstick with her napkin. Just as Genevieve and Severus were going to turn on their heels to leave, Narcissa walked in front of her.

"Wait a second," she insisted. She sounded rather pathetic to Genevieve and even Lucius was irritated with her change in demeanor. Narcissa appeared frantic. "Please."

"We'll talk soon, Narcissa," Genevieve asserted as she leaned into her partner's shoulder. She took a deep breath. "It's always nice to see you. Tot kijk."

* * *

It wasn't very often that Severus spent time working late. Typically, he did his work at reasonable times but on the odd day that his other duties rendered him stressed, he would lock himself in his office while his partner slept and get what he needed done prior to crawling in bed with her. Usually, he was able to communicate this with Genevieve and she understood that this was also a form of him asking for space. Therefore, she would bring him his usual cup of black coffee, kiss his head, say she loved him, and that she would be going to bed soon. He always responded with a goodnight kiss and promised to cuddle with her when he finally got to bed. That night was different, however.

Per usual, Genevieve had brought him his cup of black coffee at around 10pm. She usually went to bed much earlier in the evening given that she was an early riser, but that night she had paid extra attention to Severus and his stress levels and remained awake. She sat on the edge of his desk for a minute as she kissed his head and ran her fingers through his dark hair. Severus enjoyed when she was soft like this; it brought utmost calmness to him. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"Oh mijn schatje," Genevieve sighed as she kissed his forehead again. She tucked some of her dark hair behind her ears before she cupped his face in her hands and stroked the sides of his jaw with her thumbs. Severus leaned into her touch and melted. "You're so stressed. Can I do anything to help? How late are you staying up? Will I expect you in bed before I fall asleep?"

"I don't think so," he sighed as she pressed his forehead into her stomach. She cradled him for a moment and twirled some of his hair between her fingers. He wanted more than anything to just go to bed but he had so much he needed to do. "Albus gave the Heads of Houses some extra work and I'm behind on grading because of it. I need to give write-ups back tomorrow."

"I can take some if you'd like," she suggested. Severus took a deep breath and was soothed by the smell of her perfume but he shook his head at her offer. He didn't need to stress her out anymore than she already was; he was still actively looking for a place in Hogsmeade and had recruited Minerva to help since she knew the area very well. No luck yet. "Okay, well I'll keep the kitchen sink light on for you and I have your dinner in the microwave. I love you, Severus. Please don't stress yourself out too much."

Severus forced himself to sit up and ran a hand over his face as he looked up at her. She could tell he was exhausted and leaned down to press the softest kiss to his lips. "I love you too, princess," he whispered against her lips. He reached up and kissed her again. "I'll try my best and then I'll come to bed. We can stay in bed a little longer tomorrow. How does that sound?"

"It sounds perfect," Genevieve said with a tired smile. "Alright, I'm going to bed. Don't stay up too late, Severus. You need to take care of yourself."

With that, Genevieve left his office and carefully shut the door. Severus sighed and rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger before pinching the bridge of his nose; he really was exhausted, but he needed to get things done. He was at the point that everything about his post was overwhelming but he needed to take care of his responsibilities.

It did not take more than two hours for Severus to finish his work but that was definitely pushing his mental capacity. Write-ups were, per usual, horrendous. The additional work Albus had given him was more of a chore rather than difficult but he got that done quickly. By the time he had sorted all of the papers into different folders and files and tidied up the mess he made, it was a little past midnight and his eyelids were extremely heavy. Severus sighed, grabbed his cloak and wand, and walked back to his quarters without giving another thought to the work he had completed. It lifted a lot of weight off his shoulders to have it done and he still wanted to crawl into bed with Genevieve more than anything.

Like Genevieve had said, she left the kitchen light on for him and his dinner in the microwave. He was too exhausted to eat but he knew he needed to eat _something_ or Genevieve would throw a fit about how he needs to take care of himself. That was a habit she had gotten him to break early on in their relationship; he now had a steady eating schedule that allowed him to maintain his current weight and have more energy to do things. Before then he would just do his work and snack here and there as he remembered he needed to eat. Nights like these where he was so engrossed in his work made him regress back to those unhealthy habits. Therefore, he shoveled spoonfuls what she had cooked for dinner that night quickly and went to change into his pajamas.

When Severus opened the door to their bedroom, he saw his partner sleeping soundly in their bed except she was not on her side, rather she was on his. It was shared knowledge between the two and it even extended to Minerva that the smell of Severus's cologne and shampoo brought a sense of comfort whenever she was having a difficult time. She stole his cloak all the time and took naps on his side of the bed. Usually, if he stayed out late and came back to her sleeping on his side of the bed, that meant she was anxious and afraid of the dark due to resurfacing traumatic memories. He exhaled deeply and ran a hand over his face. He was very particular about sleeping on his side of the bed and as much as he wanted her to be comfortable, this was a habit that annoyed him greatly.

Pushing that thought to the back of his mind, Severus grabbed sweatpants and a t-shirt from his dresser and went to the washroom to change and brush his teeth. It always felt good to take off his rather restricting clothes and exchange his trousers for soft sweatpants. He was hesitant to express his like for them because he was always preaching hatred towards the Muggle world and the fashion styles, but these were something he could not slander. Severus quickly brushed his teeth and just as he was turning to leave, he caught sight of a pile of Genevieve's clothes. He recognized them as the dress she had worn to the Malfoys the other night and, assuming she forgot to clean up when she had showered that evening, picked them up and put them in the hamper. However, his eyes were immediately drawn to a red lipstick stain on the neckline of her dress. His heart stopped in his chest and he stumbled back against the sink with tears immediately blurring his vision. A pang resonated in his chest. Severus prided himself in his observation skills for small details and knew without any doubt that Genevieve did not own this lipstick shade. He did know, however, that Narcissa Malfoy had been wearing it that evening. His stomach churned and he grew nauseous. The two women had spent ample time together having tea and chatting while Lucius was away, and in that moment Severus felt stupid. It had happened right under his nose.

"Damn it," he mumbled brokenly as he leaned his head back and blinked back tears. His extremities slowly starting going numb and his heart pounding echoed in his ears. His breathing was labored and the sound of it was muffled. The world was spinning and the only way he knew he would get through this episode was if he sat down, so he sat down on the cold floor. He could not stop the tears that rolled down his cheek.

Time was not a tangible concept in that moment while Severus attempted to cope with his dissociative episode. He squeezed his fists and held them in front of him but it did not feel like his body nor did he recognize his hands. Everything felt fake, or like some sort of simulation. He wasn't sure if his emotions or thoughts were his own and perhaps he wasn't real either. It took quite a while for him to regain his composure – much longer than any episode he'd ever had. When he was certain he was as functional as he could be, he stood up and rummaged through the cabinet for his medication. He took it without water as he approached their bedroom, except when he remembered she was sleeping on his side of the bed, his stomach churned.

Severus would never wake up his partner for something like this, but apathy set in and in that moment he didn't care about her. It felt wrong to think but he was very good at not allowing himself to feel things almost like a switch. He carefully rolled her over onto her side of the bed and pushed her back before crawling under the duvet. However, given she was a light sleeper, Genevieve stirred slightly and reached out to rub his back.

"What time is it?" she asked softly as she kissed his shoulder. Severus felt his tears welling in his eyes again but he didn't want to believe what he saw. He refused to believe Narcissa's lipstick was on her dress. In that moment he decided to bottle it up and he wiped his tears away.

"I'm not sure, darling," Severus responded. He melted into her touch and closed his eyes. Part of him felt like he deserved it or that it was only a matter of time as to when she cheated on him. He hated holding the Sarah and Caleb situation against her, but cheaters almost always cheat again. Narcissa was beautiful. He was not. But he still wanted her.

"Ik hou van jou," she mumbled before she turned over. That made his chest tighten and he hugged his pillow to his chest. He was so numb.

"I love you too," he whispered. "So much, Gen."

* * *

On Saturday mornings, when Genevieve woke up, she always made Severus a Dutch breakfast. She rotated which dish she made but she was well aware of what his favorites were. Therefore, given his stressful evening of grading the night before, she had settled on making his absolute favorite: uitsmijter. It was an incredibly easy meal to make therefore preparing it did not take long. She hummed while she fried the eggs and toasted the fresh bread she had started baking for him again. The coffee pot was still hot on the counter. Severus spent a lot of time taking care of her and it was mornings like this that she took extra care of him.

Of course, prior to making their breakfast, she had sat in the sun by the window and journaled with her tea. She did not have a nightmare the previous night, but she did have immense anxiety going to sleep without Severus sleeping next to her. She wrote that down in her journal and made a note to talk to Katie about it. The same with what happened with Narcissa – that all absolutely terrified her. Perhaps what scared her the most was not had happened, but that she would be hurting Severus if he knew how she was completely lured by the older witch. She wouldn't know what to do if he left her because of something like this. She didn't want Narcissa and she was very certain of that; she was actually planning to talk to her later in the day about that in a public setting so that nothing would escalate.

Genevieve poured her partner's coffee into the mug that he frequently used for his morning coffee and placed it on the table with his plate and utensils before she ventured back into their bedroom. He was still sleeping on his side facing the window with closed curtains. His breathing was even and he overall looked incredibly peaceful. She hated that she was about to bother him but it was around the time he usually have woken up and she had made plans with Narcissa later that afternoon. Crawling back onto the mattress, Genevieve laid behind her partner and pressed soft kisses along his shoulder and the back of his head. She sweetly smoothed down his hair and wrapped her arms around him.

"Severus," she whispered softly as she stroked his arms with her thumbs. He stirred slightly but given his mood the night before and the fact he was still exhausted, he shrugged her off and pulled the duvet up over his shoulders. The act of being shoved away was confusing to Genevieve but she just attributed that to his exhaustion over anything else. She blinked perplexedly and sat up, hugging herself as she did so. "Darling, I made you breakfast. I wanted us to have a meal together since we didn't get to have dinner last night and I'm going out later this afternoon."

"Where are you going?" he mumbled without turning over. Genevieve wasn't sure she was allowed to touch him after how he pushed her away and just sat there awkwardly fiddling with her thumbs. Any silence between the two in that moment was extremely loud.

"I'm going out to Hogsmeade with Narcissa," she responded as she stood up from the bed. The mention of the Malfoy woman made his chest tighten and he hid his face in his pillow. Genevieve started going through her dresser for things to wear instead of explaining anything further about their breakfast. If he was hungry he could reheat it; she wanted to leave him be for the time being. "I'm going to eat and then take a shower to get ready to go. You can roll out of bed and eat whenever, I guess. Just make sure you eat something today. I love you."

Gathering the items to take her shower, Genevieve went to situate them in the washroom like she typically did before she made her way back to their kitchen. It did not take long for Severus to fall back to sleep and he knew subconsciously that he was using that as his coping mechanism; his limbs felt so heavy and his chest ached at the thought of his partner cheating on him. She was not distant from Severus nor were there any signs which made this a thousand times worse than if it was so obvious. Perhaps it would have been easiest to live in oblivion.

The way the food mocked her was enough for Genevieve to clear her plate without eating. She sipped her tea as she cleaned up her mess and jumped when she accidentally cut her finger on the knife she had been washing. She dropped it in the sink and used a paper towel to blot the tiny wound while she looked for her wand to heal it but as she looked around in the common room for it, she caught sight of herself in the mirror. More specifically, her eyes drifted towards the sofa that was directly behind her and her heart skipped beats when she thought she saw Gilderoy over her body on the sofa. She turned around to look but nobody was there. Her hands started shaking as she grabbed her wand off the coffee table and healed her cut before she made her way back into the kitchen.

Genevieve's anxiety levels were high from her little flashback – which, all things considered, was a relatively minor flashback – and the first thing she thought of what would help would have been food. She rummaged through the pantry to find anything she could find that she had gone grocery shopping the day before: crisps, chocolate, granola, sweets, and any sort of food that you would not expect someone to eat in one sitting. But there she sat, on the floor of their walk-in pantry, shoving food into her mouth. It was numbing to shove down and bottle everything with food that she knew tasted good and she kept going until she was wallowing in wrappers and containers and she felt like she was going to vomit. Tears streamed down her cheeks; though she was in pain, her mind was quiet and her thoughts of Gilderoy were back to a manageable level. She spent several minutes staring at the mess around her in complete and utter shame before she mustered the courage to clean it all up. Discarding the evidence was much harder than she thought.

When her mess was clean, Genevieve ventured back to the washroom where she had organized her things for her shower. She stared at herself in the mirror for several minutes poking and prodding at her body; she had been gaining weight from this secret habit of hers and was currently bloated so bad she could have sworn she looked the same way she did just days before she miscarried. This, however, was only half of her little secret. Genevieve pulled her hair up into a bun and wiped any tears that slipped from her eyes away hastily as she turned the shower to muffle out all of the her noises. Getting down on her knees had become rather painful due to the bruises that had formed but she still did it without any hesitation.

Shoving her fingers down her throat, Genevieve gave no second thought to the consequences and repeated this process several times. Each time she tried again, she took a break to take deep breaths and drink water directly from the sink tap but she always went back to her knees. She continued this cycle until her vomit was clear, her throat burned, and she felt faint but it made her feel a lot better about the calories she had consumed. Now, all she was worried about was hiding the evidence of her binge. Severus would know immediately if he saw the dent she had made in their pantry. She knew she would have to go back to the store but at the same time that would make a huge dent in her bank account. She made a mental note to access the situation later after her shower.

By the time Genevieve had finished showering and had redressed herself, Severus was in the kitchen eating his breakfast. He glanced up in the direction of his partner and held his arm out for her as he pat his knee with his other hand. She reluctantly sat down in his lap and he kissed the side of her head. He noted that her face was slightly swollen and her eyes were watering.

"What are you doing with Narcissa today?" he asked weakly as he took another bite of his meal. Genevieve blinked back the tears that welled in her eyes; she knew she would need to tell him about what had happened but she needed to set some things straight with Narcissa. She needed to set boundaries.

"She said something to me when they invited us over for dinner," Genevieve said softly as she smoothed his hair on the sides of his head. Severus furrowed his brows. "I reflected on it a little bit and journaled about it and I'm confronting her on it. I'll probably be back within the hour; I don't expect it to be long but I wanted it to be public because Lucius is home. I do want to talk to you when I get home, though. Do you think we could make time to talk?"

Severus's first instinct was that she would be leaving him for Narcissa and he blinked back his anxious thoughts – or, he tried to. If she wanted to talk to him and _make time_ to talk, that usually meant it was something extremely serious and all he could think of as a serious topic would be the affair she was having. Genevieve could see the panic setting into his eyes and cupped his face in her hands to soothe him. He started hyperventilating.

"Darling, it doesn't involve us or you, I just need to come clean about some things that I've been going through," she reassured as she cradled him against her chest. Tears started slipping down his cheeks and she tried to console him to the best of her ability but he had sent himself into a panic attack. At the realization of how worked up he had gotten, she climbed off his lap. "Severus, sweetheart, let's go sit on the sofa and relax for a second. I'll bring you some water."

Severus shook his head over and over again and the sight broke Genevieve. He usually didn't get so worked up about things like this and his response was starting to become extremely worrisome; this mirrored his behavior when he thought he was being abandoned. Genevieve tucked some of her hair behind her ears and grabbed his hands to help him into their common room and sit on their sofa where he pulled his knees to his chest and pressed his forehead onto them. She sat beside him and rubbed his back sweetly.

"Please don't leave me. Please. I'm sorry. I'll be better. I'll _do_ better. I-I don't know what I did but please don't hate me and please don't leave. Please. I can't lose you. I can't _lose_ you," he sobbed. "I hate me too a-and I wouldn't blame you if you did, but I-I can't handle it. I can't handle it. I need you here. I need your love. Please don't leave me. Please don't hate me."

"Severus, I'm not going to leave you nor do I hate you," she whispered as she comforted him. It had been a really long time since he'd experienced a panic attack of this severity and Genevieve was wracking her brain to decide which method she could use to get him through it in the safest way possible with minimal consequences when he calmed down. She decided on deep pressure therapy – it helped her as well.

"Darling, let your legs drop," she said as she tapped on his knees. Severus was gasping for air at this point and her chest tightened at the sound of it but he did as he was told and let his legs drop and feet touch the floor. Genevieve took that moment to crawl into his lap with her legs on either side of him and to cradle him tightly against her chest. She tried to keep the pressure consistent – both on his lap and around his back – and she hummed softly as he coughed and sobbed into her chest.

Deep pressure therapy was perhaps the best method she had learned for her partner. She hadn't used it in a while, but consistent pressure along his entire body worked because it helped his brain relax his muscles and ground him. She briefly read into some of the science but it didn't really make sense to her, she just knew that it worked. It took a very long time for him to calm down but when he did, he went completely limp against her chest.

"You're safe, Severus," she said sweetly as she pet the back of his head. His eyes were closed and her shirt was completely soaked in his tears and snot. "I can cancel with Narcissa today and stay here with you. We can take a walk outside in the snow and get you some fresh air and feeling back in your limbs. I'll make you some tea and I'll play with your hair and read to you and you can have as many kisses and hugs and back rubs as your heart desires. Does that sound good for today?"

Severus nodded as he sat up and wiped his eyes. "I don't want you to cancel your plans because of me. If.. um, if you want to go see her for a few hours I'm not going to stop you."

"Narcissa isn't important," she responded without thinking. She sounded a bit harsh and she sighed as she caressed his face and wiped his tears away. " _You_ are important. I want to be here with you today. Let me take care of you today, Severus. You deserve to feel loved after everything I've put you through these last two years. Please."

"Okay," he mumbled in agreement. Genevieve took that as her cue to climb off his lap and help him walk back into their bedroom. Severus didn't hesitate to crawl into bed and pull the duvet back over his shoulders. Genevieve sat down beside him and stroked his hair sweetly.

"You know I love you, right?" Genevieve whispered as she leaned down to kiss his head. Severus hesitated to react but nodded slowly after a few seconds. She furrowed her brows at his hesitation. "Ik hou van jou."

"I love you too," Severus sniffled. "Please don't ever leave me."

"Unfortunately for you, you're stuck with me and my theatrics for the rest of your life," she teased as laid down next to him. "I would never leave you. You are the love of my life, you know that?"

That was a lot more comforting for Severus to hear and perhaps he had overreacted to the lipstick on her dress. He couldn't figure out how it would have gotten there but she did not have lipstick on her skin when they left Malfoy Manor and he knew from some of other lipsticks Genevieve owned that lipstick stained skin. Genevieve was also rather irritable with Narcissa that evening. But even so, Genevieve was a good actress when she wasn't doing well so there was always the possibility that she was cheating on him. She was good at hiding things.

"And you are mine," he mumbled back to her. "Do you still want to get married?"

"Of course I do," she said with her brows furrowed. She pulled his head back against her chest and Severus was soothed by the sound of her heart beating in her chest. The entire world melted away in that moment and all he could think of was that little Dutch song she hummed to him when he was upset. "But like you said, it won't be for a while."

"No, I mean soon," he clarified. Genevieve stopped petting his hair and Severus felt her heart skip a beat. That was either a really good or a really bad sign and he was now self-conscious of his statement. "I'll buy you a ring."

"I don't understand why you've changed your mind," she admitted bluntly. He was insistent that they wouldn't be able to settle down until after the war and he seemed to take back that statement. It was odd. "But I'd marry you whenever you're ready to."

"I'm still going to get down on my knee and ask you," he continued. "But I want you to know that it's happening. I know you hate surprises."

"I'll say yes," she responded with a smile as she kissed his head a few times. "There is absolutely no way I would ever say no to spending the rest of my life with you."

* * *

Genevieve had never given much thought as to what her Boggart was. After the lesson during her third year, she never really thought she would have to deal with it ever again. She didn't imagine herself as a professor and even now that she had to work closely with the defense professors, she avoided the Boggart lesson with Gilderoy. She didn't know what her biggest fear was, therefore she couldn't properly wrap her mind around what she would see and that apprehension prevented her from partaking in it any chance she got. However, Remus made her feel safe and she wanted to support him in his classroom so she thought maybe it was a good time to face her fears – literally.

As Genevieve walked through the corridor and turned the corner into the defense classroom, she approached the front of the room and set down all her materials plus her wand while she hopped up in her friend's desk. "I have the same students but they look so much more interesting in this class," she whispered to him with a stupid grin. Remus laughed.

"Performance based classes are a lot more interesting. No offense, sunshine," he teased. She rolled her eyes and exhaled when he pressed dark chocolate in the palm of her hand. "Eat."

"You're not my father," she frowned as she put the chocolate back down. Her anxiety levels skyrocketed seeing the piece of candy and she shoved it away as Remus stood and made his way to the front of the room where his students had begun gathering and murmuring.

"Intriguing, yes?" he called out into the room. The students collectively were staring at a tall, dark oak wardrobe that rattled and shook. Their eyes were wide, mouths agape, and overall they appeared intimidated and apprehensive. After a moment of contemplation, Genevieve stood from where she was seated and trailed behind Remus. "Would anyone like to venture a guess as to what's inside?"

In a hushed voice from the back of the room, a sweet Gryffindor boy named Seamus responded. "That's a Boggart, that is."

"Very good, Mr. Finnigan. Can anyone tell us what a Boggart looks like?" Remus continued. As Remus spoke, Genevieve had half tuned everything out. She was slightly overstimulated by the environment of the room, but she had promised her friend she would be there for him so she sucked it up. Though she hadn't been listening, Genevieve visually acknowledged an interaction between Remus and Hermione. His teaching was so much methodological than Gilderoy and it made her feel safe and secure.

"Let's practice this charm now, shall we?" Remus said as he clasped his hands together. Genevieve took this as her cue to start paying attention. "Without wands, please – Riddikulus!"

The entire class practiced saying the word and Remus brightened with a smile. "Good! So much for the easy part. You see, the incantation alone is not enough. What really finishes a Boggart off is laughter. You need to force it to assume a shape you find truly amusing," he continued. "Professor de Keyser, would you be so willing to demonstrate for the students?"

Genevieve pressed her lips together in a forced smile and reached onto his desk to grab her wand. She twirled it in her fingers a few times and mentally prepared herself for whatever she was about to see. Her heart was hammering in her chest and she heard it echoing in her ears as Lupin drew his wand to pop the wardrobe open.

Creeping from the wardrobe was Genevieve's mother – or, perhaps, herself. It was a very common compliment Genevieve had gotten growing up; she looked like Levina but with Johan's dark hair and eyes. The woman in front of her seemed to shift between dark hair with brown eyes and blonde hair with blue eyes with the same manic flicker. Her hair was pulled at and unruly, her clothes were half off her body, and she was grasping a bloodied knife in her shaking hand. Obvious self-harm scars and cuts mottled her forearm and blood dripped onto the floor. The class collectively murmured and made hushed comments; they could see Professor de Keyser with shifting hair colors. That was it.

Genevieve blinked back the tears in her eyes as she struggled to raise her wand. Remus stepped forward but before he could intervene, she swallowed hard and yelled, " _Riddikulus_!"

She took a deep breath as the Boggart shifted between the version of Levina during a time that she was euthymic and a separate version of herself doing her pottery with clay on her face. Levina's blonde hair was pulled up into a bun, she wore loose fitting overalls with an apron over it, and a bowl of erwtensoep was in her hands. She had remembered this moment; she laughed with Luuk about how 'mammie looked silly'. The only time Levina ever looked remotely sane. Genevieve just wore overalls. Severus had teased her about the clay on her face.

Nobody in the class really knew what they were looking at and were astounded by it. Lupin immediately pulled her aside and rubbed her arms soothingly.

"I'm going to send someone to get Severus," he said softly. "I didn't expect you to get so upset. I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay. I'm okay. I think I'm going to head back to my office," she mumbled. Remus hugged her tightly before he stepped back to give her some space.

"My class is most likely going to end early today, so I'll come in and check on you," Remus responded. Genevieve nodded, grabbed her things, and left the classroom without a second thought. The laughter of the students was drowned out by her thoughts.

When Genevieve returned to her office, she set all her materials down on the coffee table before she plopped down on the sofa. She pulled a wool blanket over her body and closed her eyes while she evened out her breathing. She had intense heartburn and her stomach churned. Her mind replayed the visual of Levina intertwined with herself and she couldn't stop the tears that slipped down her face and despite trying to keep her breathing consistent, she started hyperventilating. However, emotional regulation was becoming easier and this episode thankfully didn't last more than ten minutes.

About twenty minutes or so later, Remus knocked on the door and sighed upon seeing Genevieve on her sofa completely numbed. He could tell she had been crying. "Sunshine, do you want to talk about it? What was your Boggart? Why did it look like you?"

"It's my mother and me," she mumbled as she opened her eyes. She sat up slowly and pat the seat next to her while she pulled the blanket closer. "How much time until next period?"

"Fifteen minutes," he responded as he sat down beside her. She leaned her head against his shoulder and took a deep breath. He leaned his head on top of hers. "Do you want to talk about it at all?"

"My mother also had bipolar disorder," Gen sighed. "I was so afraid of her while she was manic when I was a child. There was one night I remember where she was suicidal and had a knife and my father tried to grab it several times. She ended up wounding him. I was standing in the doorway not older than six. My dad noticed, grabbed the knife, healed himself, and took me to bed while my brother coaxed her to drink Draught of Peace. She's dead now and has been for almost a year. I did the same thing with Severus. He came home to me gashing my legs open, completely psychotic, with Lily's name in my skin. I'm scared of becoming her. I'm scared of hurting the people I love because of my illness."

"That sounds like an incredibly draining and tough childhood," Remus admitted as he stroked her hair. "Similarly that situation with Severus. It sounds like you had an amazing father, though. Am I wrong?"

"No, Papa was the best but only when he wasn't preaching blood purity," she grumbled irritably. "He was married to a Squib since he was nineteen but would leave at night for Death Eater meetings. That didn't make sense. But, he was a good dad during the day. He had questionable morals; he's biphobic, sort of uptight and has an attitude without a filter, but he treats me well and he likes Severus. He's currently in Azkaban again."

"Again? For his Death Eater status?" This entire plot was confusing to the werewolf but he sat there and listened. She had never really opened up about her past to anyone but Severus and Minerva, and that practically was her husband and her mother so that didn't count in her head.

"No, he was released because he gave up hundreds of names of Death Eaters almost two years ago. He's back in Azkaban for using the Killing Curse," she shrugged as she pulled the blanket tightly around her.

"Who did he kill?" Remus asked warily. Genevieve sat up to look at him and wiped tears from her eyes. As she focused on his face, she realized there were new wounds – slashes and scrapes. She reached up and touched them tenderly.

"I can heal these," she said sweetly. "Let me get my wand. They look painful, Remus. What happened?"

"Nothing," he lied with a forced smile. His heart rate picked up; he was terrified of her finding out his little secret. Severus already knew and it was a matter of time until she knew. "Who did your father kill?"

Genevieve fumbled for her wand on the coffee table and turned to face her friend. She took a deep breath. "My rapist."

"Oh," Remus said with furrowed brows. He remained still as Genevieve used healing charms to make the wounds turn to scars and the other scars to fade slightly. She had worked on a charm that helped with the fading process and she was amending it to remove them entirely. She was sick of seeing her scars. "I'm sorry that happened. Can I do anything for you?"

He realized that, in order for Johan to be imprisoned again, that meant she would have been raped in the last year or so, but he did not want to press on it any further. "I'm okay. Severus takes care of me," she said as she placed her wand down and tucked some of his hair behind his ears. "He was the defense teacher last year."

"It all makes sense now," he sighed as he pet the side of her head. "You were terrified of me for a little while. When I got close, when I moved too quickly, if I accidentally touched you. I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologize. You're not the man who raped me and I had an issue with generalization. Severus was really the only man I let touch me at all for the longest time and I think I'm doing better, but recently I've sort of regressed back and I've been dealing with some things."

"If you ever want to talk or if you need chocolate, you know where I am, sunshine," Remus said as he looked back up at the clock. Next period started soon and he definitely needed to prepare for his next class; they were learning _Aqua Eructo_ and he needed to grab towels.

Just as Remus was about to leave, Severus rounded the corner into his partner's office. He furrowed his brows when he realized she had been crying and Remus stood up to leave. On his way out, he murmured briefly what happened and nodded as he left back for his office. Severus had his free period then so he was keen on making sure she was okay enough to teach for the rest of the day.

"I told you that you weren't ready for the Boggart lesson," Severus sighed as he crouched down in front of her. He cupped her face sweetly in his hands and kissed her forehead. "What was your Boggart?"

"Levina and me," she whispered as tears started streaming down her cheeks again. "Me shifting into manic Levina."

Severus sighed. "My love, do you need me to cover your class? If you give me the lesson plan and answer keys I can—"

"No," Genevieve interrupted. She wiped her eyes and leaned forward so that she was hugging around his neck. "No, I need to teach. It's a good distraction. I just need another moment here with you. Please. I'm so scared of becoming my mother."

"You're not becoming your mother," Severus reassured as he took a deep breath. "You're nowhere near becoming your mother. She was abusive and you've never degraded me, laid a hand on me, or manipulated me. She did all of that to Johan."

"She didn't always," she cried. "And I'm scared I will start and I don't think I could ever live with myself knowing I hurt you."

"Gen, my darling," he sighed as he made her sit up to look at him. "You are not your mother. You accepted treatment and you're working through it. She did not and that drove a wedge between everyone she loved."

"She didn't love me," she pointed out. "Severus, my mother never once told me she loved me or that she was proud of me until she was scared and dying. My mother constantly was pushing me away and begging Luuk and Papa to get me out of her face. I didn't _do_ anything other than exist."

Severus smoothed her hair down on both side of her head and adjusted how he was sitting so that his legs wouldn't fall asleep. Genevieve was blinked back tears. "Levina missed out on knowing and loving such a beautiful and strong woman. From what I've seen of your childhood and what you've said, you were also a very sweet little girl who never misbehaved. It was her loss not bothering to know or love you. You were more than deserving of love and kindness and I'm glad Johan filled that hole for you."

"Ik ben verliefd op jou," she sniffled with a little laugh. "More than you could ever know."

"And I am in love with you," he repeated back to her. "More than you could ever know."


End file.
